Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:22,000
This programme contains
strong language.
2
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,960
I don't know, Nick,
you're the accountant.
3
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,200
These books!
Yeah, I know.
4
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,080
Hello, you in there?
Maybe. I'm not sure.
5
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:43,240
Excuse me. I just wonder if...
6
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:47,440
It'll be much simpler this time,
Nick, honestly.
7
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:51,640
OK, all right.
See you in an hour. OK. Bye.
8
00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,000
Now.
Those books. How much?
9
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,440
Hmm?
Those books. Leather bound.
10
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,240
Yes, Dickens,
the collected works.
11
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,800
They're real leather?
12
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,800
They're real Dickens.
13
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,720
I must know if they're real leather,
because they have to go with a sofa.
14
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,400
Everything else in my house is real.
15
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,280
Give you 200 for them.
200 what?
16
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:16,200
£200.
Are they leather-bound pounds?
17
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:17,560
No.
18
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,240
Sorry, I need leather-bound pounds
to go with my wallet. Next!
19
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,160
Hello.
20
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,040
The Little Book Of Calm?
You have it? I need it.
21
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:34,240
I'm late for work.
Calm. Little Book.
22
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,960
Is this it?
23
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,360
No, no, too big! Little...
Just...little. Small.
24
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,120
This one?
25
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,280
No! Calm! Little Book Of Calm.
26
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,760
Little one. That's it! Yes!
Money. How much?
27
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,040
£2.50.
28
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,120
£2.50. Could I...?
29
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,400
I'll just get you a bag.
30
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,440
I.. no! No, thanks.
Don't need it. Just the book!
31
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,760
I'll do a receipt.
No! I don't need a receipt.
32
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,000
It's broken. I'll just write one.
(SLOWLY) Little...
33
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,880
I'll do it!
34
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,520
Of... Calm... 2.50. Thank you.
35
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,640
Look,... (STAMMERS INCOHERENTLY)
36
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,360
Try... to try... no...
L-l-l-let go once in a while,
37
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:19,440
you are a loose lily
floating down an amber river.
38
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,080
(SIGHS)
39
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,200
Sorry. I hate my job.
40
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,080
What a strange man.
41
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,840
RIGHT, SHOP IS CLOSED. EVERYBODY OUT.
42
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,680
TIME TO GO HOME. COME ON.
What?! It's only a quarter to three.
43
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,680
YES, BUT IT'S MY SHOP.
GO HOME. BYE-BYE.
44
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:46,160
It's hardly fair.
NOT FAIR AT ALL. OUT! BYE-BYE.
45
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,840
I expect better service from...
EXPECT AWAY. OUT! BYE-BYE. GO ON,
46
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:55,200
ALL YOU TIME-WASTING BASTARDS,
BACK ON THE STREETS.
47
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,240
GOODBYE. THANK YOU. BYE-BYE. BACK TO
LIFE, BACK TO REALITY. THANK YOU.
48
00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,920
HOLLOW CLANGING
49
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,160
SHE SNIFFS
50
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,240
Do you want this? Buy this.
51
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,880
What is it?
It's a thing.
52
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:22,840
Is it?
Yes.
53
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,760
What does it do?
It's very in.
54
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,480
You don't know.
It's very now.
55
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,800
Pop next door and mind the shop.
I have to see my accountant.
56
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,880
Get an assistant, so I don't
have to do this all the time.
57
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:41,600
I will do it this once. You do the
same for me, day after tomorrow.
58
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:42,960
OK. Why?
59
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,920
You know my pal, Julie?
Yeah.
60
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:49,800
They're inducing the baby on
Wednesday. I'm her birth partner.
61
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,360
Ugh! It's gonna be very intense,
lot of blood and shouting.
62
00:03:54,400 --> 00:04:00,560
No! I'll just get drunk. In fact,
she'll be on drugs, I'll be drunk.
63
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,960
It'll be just like the old days.
64
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,480
OK. Have a nice time. Bye.
65
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:13,840
Hello?
66
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,840
I do sell a lot of wank, don't I?
67
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,040
Show me your new
filing system, Bernard.
68
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,760
This is March...
69
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,120
to er...booblyboo.
70
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,560
This is Misc...
71
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,480
and the rest are, er...
72
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,480
other.
73
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:42,920
Other what? Other weeks,
backdated weeks, is it?
74
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,760
No. Other...
75
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:52,240
times. So it goes this week,
very recent, and all other times.
76
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:56,320
You must help me out, Bernard.
What period is all other times?
77
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,160
I don't know! I'm not...
78
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,520
..Wonderwoman!
79
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,160
This new system is very closely
modelled on the old system.
80
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:12,680
I'd go further than that. I'd say
it was more or less exactly the same.
81
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,760
Except...
82
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:19,560
No, it's the same.
I lied on the phone, Nick, I lied.
83
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,080
Well, I mean...
84
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,480
(Did you hear that?)
What? What?
85
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,640
Nothing. You're lucky I'm so...
86
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,720
..accommodating. A lot of other
accountants might be a bit funny...
87
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,160
PHONE RINGS
88
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,840
Hello? ..Yes, Jane.
..Oh, right.
89
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,800
OK. Yeah. Mm-hm.
90
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,520
WHIRRS
Yeah, all right.
91
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,400
Bernard, I've just gotta pop off.
What, now?!
92
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,400
Yes. I'll see you soon, OK? Bye!
93
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,480
He's always one step ahead!
The cat has left the basket.
94
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,760
The cat has left the basket!
95
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,200
HELICOPTER FLIES OVERHEAD,
SIRENS BLARE
96
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:15,480
Yeah, it's flying, flying. I'm right
on it. It'll be in the pipes soon.
97
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,560
Best thing if I...
98
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,520
You!
99
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,840
Er, Manny.
What's that you're eating? Soup?
100
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,080
It's... extra chunky.
101
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,040
What's in it?
102
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,200
Chunks.
103
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:44,200
Should I be doing something?
You need the accounts now?
104
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,800
I would have e-mailed them,
105
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:51,040
but I had a lot of clink on the...
stuff I expanded and, er...
106
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,240
plug went in some Tizer.
107
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,640
Shape up or ship out! All right?
108
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,920
Urro?
109
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,520
Ow are oo? Yur,... yur,...
110
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,760
I'm chasing up the, er...
111
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,520
..the tom-tur-tount.
112
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,800
Yeah, OK. Bye.
113
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,760
"Visualise the ocean."
114
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,880
ARGH! Get...back!
115
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,560
Oh! "Calm ocean."
116
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,200
Right, come on,
we must get Friday's invoices.
117
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,000
OK. Coming.
118
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,840
HE GASPS
119
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:09,360
HE CHOKES: I swallowed
The Little Book of Calm!
120
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,400
SIREN
121
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,840
Is it some kind of bald furby?
122
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,160
Bernard! Early closing?
How'd it go?
123
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:28,280
Nick the accountant!
Nick the accountant..is a fugitive!
124
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,040
I'm not doing my accounts!
125
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,080
Why?
126
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,200
Because you can stick it
up your arse.
127
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,520
You'll have to do them yourself.
It's quite easy.
128
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,040
Yeah, give it...give it a go.
129
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:47,360
I'm sure I could muddle along.
130
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,600
WHAT?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!
131
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,000
THE WHAT?!
132
00:08:54,040 --> 00:09:01,320
"If you live in a council flat beside
a river, but are not blind... " WHAT?
133
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,040
"What is your mother's maiden name?"
What's her first name?!
134
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:09,080
I knew her as Ma!
Ma, that'll have to do. Ma.
135
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,000
Possibly deceased.
136
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:18,520
"Did your non-returnable outgoings
for the first half year
137
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,840
"exceed your deductions
for quarterly VAT returns?"
138
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,160
Right. That's all my socks paired.
139
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,480
Back to the accounts.
140
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,240
OK.
141
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,440
for the half year
142
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,280
RINGING TONE
143
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,880
Hello, Ma? Bernard.
144
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:56,520
No, nothing's wrong. I don't need
an excuse to call my mother, do I?
145
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,080
I am, yeah. I know. Yes. Yes.
146
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:09,120
Yes, I will. I know. Yes. Yes!
I know. Yep. OK. Yeah.
147
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,040
GOODBYE-I-HAVE-TO-DO-MY-TAX!
148
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:18,440
"Did your non-returnable
outgoings for the first half...?"
149
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:21,160
INSISTENT KNOCKING AT DOOR >
Ah, thank Christ!
150
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:25,720
Yes?
151
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,560
Hello, we're wondering if
we could talk to you about Jesus?
152
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,560
GREAT! COME IN!
153
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,560
What?
154
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:40,520
I'd love to hear about Jesus!
What's he up to now? Come on in.
155
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:41,840
Are you sure?
156
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:45,000
YES! IN! IN! COME IN!
It's a trick!
157
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:48,480
It's just, Generally...
people don't say yes.
158
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,240
WELL, I'M NOT PEOPLE.
COME ON IN. LET'S TALK BELIEFS.
159
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,800
Come in. Come in.
Grab a pew.
160
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,120
Right. Let's go.
161
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,560
Well, er...to be honest,...
162
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:12,800
we've never actually
thought this far ahead.
163
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,800
It's nice in here. Indoors.
164
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:25,040
What's your favourite story
about, erm... Our Lord?
165
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,840
Money lenders!
Has to be the money lenders.
166
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,480
Chasing them out of the temple.
167
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:37,080
It is knock-out stuff, isn't it?
168
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,760
And yourself?
169
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,840
Oh, well, it's all good. Erm...
170
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,880
but I suppose when He rescued...
when Jesus rescued the Samaritan.
171
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:49,520
No, Jesus tells that story about the
Samaritan, who helped somebody else.
172
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,560
Really? Yeah. Wow!
173
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,040
And I like the one where He went
to dinner with a tax collector.
174
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:04,280
Do you have any literature or...
or anything I could look... at...?
175
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:09,920
Oh, yes! Those books and magazines
we have! Books and magazines!
176
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,160
STEADY BEEPS
177
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,600
Ah! There you are.
Erm... Time for my results?
178
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,080
Well, it's rather bad news,
I'm afraid, Mr Bianco.
179
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,560
The Little Book Of Calm is between
the small intestine and pancreas.
180
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,760
If it rotates 1-2cm left,
you'll be dead in seconds.
181
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,080
Oh, my God!
182
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,120
That's just the worst-case scenario.
183
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,920
The other possibility -
and this is far more likely -
184
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,560
is that The Little Book Of Calm will
move right into the renal canal.
185
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,640
If this happens, you could live
for anything up to...
186
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:47,200
ten years, one year, who knows?
187
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,400
Because of the massive scarring
caused by The Little Book Of Calm,
188
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,960
it is possible you'll be
in a massive amount of pain...
189
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,320
..during that time.
190
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,720
BEEPER
191
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,040
Sorry about this. Must go.
192
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,880
We'll operate to see what we can do.
193
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,120
There's a good you'll survive.
A 30% chance.
194
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,240
So try not to worry.
195
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,000
As the book itself says, erm...
196
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,640
"Whenever you're in a tight spot,
197
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:17,560
"try to imagine yourself marooned
on a beautiful desert island."
198
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,880
Hah! He said that because NO-ONE'S
without sin, is that right?
199
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,520
Yeah, that's what he was...
But it was hidden!
200
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:30,400
So it sounds like God and Jesus
are the one thing?!
201
00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,560
You got it! Sure you won't stay?
202
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:35,640
Ah, no, we have to go.
It's very late.
203
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:37,520
OK, all right, whatever.
204
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:38,960
Call again, though.
205
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,400
Oh, yes, yes.
206
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,240
Ha-ha, yeah, yeah.
207
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:53,080
CHOKED-UP: Goodbye!
Yeah, later.
208
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:16,160
Bernard? Finished your accounts?
209
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,240
Yeah. I turned them into...
210
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,040
a rather smart casual jacket.
211
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:31,960
Bernard! It is a nice jacket,
but what about your accounts?
212
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,720
I dunno. Will you do them?
213
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:39,880
Look, you've got that wrong, for
a start. Divide by 10, there.
214
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,040
No! I'm not doing this.
215
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:47,360
I have to give my attention
to being Julie's birth partner.
216
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:53,520
Look-look-look what's written on
the side - 15.99 - no, I wrote that.
217
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,040
What'll I do now? Who'll help me?!
218
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,120
Ah, Mr Bianco, back with us at last.
219
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,160
There's been...a...complication.
220
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,600
We went in
to remove the book and, erm...
221
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:10,600
Well, er... In medical terms,
it's gone! It's not there.
222
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:16,560
I don't know how but you assimilated
it into your system overnight...
223
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,160
which is, of course, impossible.
224
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,400
How do you feel?
225
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:31,560
Add a drop of lavender to your bath
and soon you'll soak yourself calm.
226
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,240
Sorry?
227
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:38,120
If you want to feel calm,
eat more raw fruit and vegetables.
228
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,840
Yoghurt, milk and seeds.
229
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,760
Er, maybe you should get some rest.
230
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,040
When you rest, you are a king
surveying your estate.
231
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,960
Look at the woodland,
the peacocks on the lawn,
232
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,800
be king of your own calm kingdom.
233
00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,920
Er...
234
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,600
GOT IT!
I'M DOING THEM!
235
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:04,440
This is so simple.
It's for giving up sugar.
236
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,800
Yeah. That's what it's not.
237
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,240
No, that's absurd, isn't it?
238
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:11,320
What's this, now?
239
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,440
"Blah-blah-blah-blah blah-blah-blah
240
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:19,120
"Exemption clause: Persons suffering
from injury or sickness
241
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:23,440
"may defer their returns until..."
Wait!
242
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:29,520
"Persons suffering from injury or
sickness may defer their returns..."
243
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,560
Ah-hah!
244
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:36,280
No, give it up. You'd have
to really cripple yourself.
245
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,440
You'd not do that
to avoid doing accounts.
246
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,080
We've got a special offer on this.
247
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,320
Really?
Yes, it's free if you break my legs.
248
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,760
Fair enough.
Great!
249
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,880
I'll get a hobbling post. OK.
250
00:16:55,920 --> 00:17:00,160
Wait. I've read this one.
That's the problem with Wodehouse.
251
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,120
Yes. He's terrible.
Hurry up. Break my legs.
252
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,480
But I've already read it.
No. Sorry. Got to go.
253
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:10,640
What is this?! What is this?! Have
you any idea what the hell this is?!
254
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:16,920
"Would the birth partner of Julie
Williams report to Delivery Room 1?"
255
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,880
(HEAVENLY CHOIR) # Gloria!
256
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,520
# Gloria! #
257
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:27,480
< HELP!
258
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,920
WHERE'S MY BIRTH PARTNER?
259
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:34,000
I can't do this without
my birth partner. Where is she?
260
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,440
We can't find her.
261
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,920
We've been calling all day.
262
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:43,000
When you're feeling under pressure,
do something different.
263
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,360
Roll up your sleeves
or eat an orange.
264
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,280
# Gloria!
265
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,640
DOG BARKS
266
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,320
DOG STOPS
267
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,360
CAR ALARM
268
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,040
ALARM STOPS
269
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,080
Is it some kind of fake breast?
270
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:25,320
You know, that dads wear.
271
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:31,000
What are you talking about?
You know, for babies.
272
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,720
Ba...?!
273
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,960
Babies! Oh, my God! Julie!
274
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,720
Look for things to make you laugh.
275
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,400
If you see nothing worth laughing
at pretend you do, then laugh.
276
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,200
What...? What, er...?
277
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,560
Oi! Hairy! >
278
00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,400
What you lookin' at?!
279
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,480
Have you ever seen a calm person
with a loud voice?
280
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,160
Try and speak softly.
281
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,080
Add a dab of lavender to milk,
282
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,280
leave town with an orange
and pretend you're laughing at it.
283
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:23,760
You lot, clear off. I have to
do a few, you know, I have to...
284
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,040
What? Skinheads! Perfect! Ha-ha!
285
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,800
You fink you're funny?
286
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,240
Wha...what happened?
287
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,840
Lookin' fer anuver slap, are ya?
288
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,720
Looking for another slap?
289
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,240
Which one of you bitches
wants to dance?
290
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:47,400
Hey, when you're doing the usual
threesome thing you do at weekends,
291
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,520
and the moonlight's bouncing
off your heads and arses,
292
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,120
does that not get confusing?
293
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,760
Right. Look, this is you, OK?
294
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,520
HE SINGS FALSETTO
295
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,520
Millwall? That's the one.
296
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,440
Do you know this chant?
297
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,600
Millwall, Millwall,
you're all really dreadful
298
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,240
and all your girlfriends
are unfulfilled and alienated...
299
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,480
(HEAVENLY CHORUS) # Ave...
300
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,880
# ..Ave...
301
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,520
# ..Verum...
302
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,760
# ..corpus...
303
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,360
# Natus...
304
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,840
# ..Ex Maria...
305
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,680
# ..Virgine... #
306
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,960
Are you in pain?
307
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,120
NOT ENOUGH! Where have they gone?!
308
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:54,960
Oh, er, they got tired and
went away. Why did you do that?
309
00:20:55,000 --> 00:21:01,200
That was just so incredible, the way
you let them punch you. Thank you.
310
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,840
I'm gravely injured. I don't have
to do my accounts. You're a witness.
311
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,360
KNOCK AT DOOR
312
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,240
Well, I could do your accounts.
313
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,920
Well, I'm an accountant. Was one.
314
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,880
Er, it's the least I could do.
315
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,000
You mean you could do more?
Could I have a glass of wine?
316
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:21,480
And a ham sandwich.
317
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,440
If you like.
With a pickle?
318
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,280
All right.
319
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,160
THEY SCREAM
320
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:44,200
You get started on that and
I'll begin the business of the day.
321
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,400
Car won't start!
Cab number! Cab number!
322
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,320
Gotta get to Julie.
323
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,520
SHE SCREAMS
24091
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof