Original subtitles

It smells fantastic. Talk us through a little bit

about how you make your wonderful croissants.

OK, well, the trick is the lamination,

because if you cut it open like this,

you can see inside, you've got all these layers.

And that is a combination of butter and pastry...

Oh, God!

You woke me up again.

How can you hear the kettle over that TV, Mummy?

Has that been on all night?

I always sleep with the television on in my own house.

Well, it's not your house and I need to get to work.

And please, Mummy, can you tidy up a bit?

It's like living with a student.

I'm homeless, Amanda.

You're not homeless, Mummy.

You're between a four-bedroom house and a six-bedroom house.

And any day now, we could be exchanging.

Well, while I'm in limbo, THIS is my bedroom,

and I don't see why I should have to tidy up.

I mean, that's exactly why one has a cleaner.

I don't have a cleaner. I am my own cleaner.

Oh. So I shouldn't put my used towels in the bath?

KETTLE CLICKS

Will you let me know if the estate agent calls, Mummy?

Yes. Oh, damn it, I'm going to be late.

Why is the fridge not working? Because I turned it off.

Its buzzing annoyed me.

Unbelievable.

And, Mummy, please, can you open a window?

It stinks in there.

DOOR OPENS, SLAMS

Whoa! There's a lot of dogs you got there, Fi.

Yeah. Hugo, Bobby, Snowball, and my newest signing, Shakira.

It's great you're so busy.

You're like the Deborah Meaden of dog walking.

Yeah, I can basically cover all our household bills now.

So it means when Della gets back,

she can have a proper break from bloody cooking.

She deserves a sabbatical.

It's her turn at the basket weaving, or whatever she fancies doing.

I wish I was in a lesbian marriage.

Just so considerate.

No offence, JJ. Oh, none taken. Ha. When's Della back?

Friday. I cannot wait. She literally flies in for the prom.

Guys, can you believe that our babies are going to the proms?

Aw, they're all grown-up! Oh, Fi, I might have to borrow your high-vis

for the big night because I have volunteered to man the gangplank.

Ha! Is the prom on a pirate ship?

It's a river cruise.

Surprisingly up-market for Haycroft. Mm.

And you know what? I think a prom on a boat is a lovely idea.

Yeah, because when I think of sort of drunk teenagers,

I obviously think open water.

OK, there will be no illegal substances on my watch,

thank you very much.

I know every trick in the book.

I was once a teenager, too, you know.

My friends and I once smuggled a hamster into mass. Oh, God.

Is that the hamster story again, Anne?

Er, boys, what are you doing? There's a game going on here.

Guys, we're in the middle of a match.

What are you playing at? Darius!

Oh! What?! He's doing his promposal.

The hell is a promposal? Who thought of that stupid word?

I think it's romantic.

I think it's an apromination.

Oh, here we go!

Georgina Felicity Maureen... Maureen?

I know. That's Johnny's mother's name.

...will you go to prom with me?

Yes!

CHEERING

STRANGED SOB Oh, Anne...

Sorry. Sorry. I know it's the pregnancy hormones,

but I'm just thinking of my little Darius and his little tuxedo,

like a tiny James Bond.

Tiny James is the size of Jaws from James Bond!

Well, spread the word, guys, cos this year's afterparty

is going to be at Senuous HQ, aka our house,

and it's going to be lit. Oh, sorry, Mum.

There's actually been a change of plan.

We're all going to Becky Salter's house now.

Her house is massive and her parents are getting

the carpets changed anyway, so...

Oh, cool. Yeah.

That does sound dope, actually. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, we'll do the pres.

What are the pres? Pres. Pre-party.

It's actually way cooler than the afterparty.

Girls only, aka the Squad. CHUCKLING

Georgie can be Taylor,

I'll be Selena and Morten can be Blake.

Oh, come on, at least let me be Gigi. OK!

AMANDA CHUCKLES

Best Mum ever, right?

Mum, you know what would look amazing with my dress?

What? Your blue vintage shoes.

They're not vintage. I wore them in my twenties,

and they cost more than a term at a mid-table prep, so, no.

All right, I got me some pres to plan.

Well, while you guys are doing that,

Darius can come to us for a shit and a shave before the prom if he wants.

Lovely. Yeah. OK, cool,

so should JJ and I come over to you and wave them off?

Nice. That'd be good.

Yeah. I mean...

O-Or we could do it at yours, you know?

I'm easy, that's fine with me. Yeah.

Oh, no. Mal, we should do it at yours

cos then we can all chip in for the limo.

I mean, they're inherently naff,

but teenagers don't seem to know that, so...

We had a limo at our wedding. Yeah. So...

Congratulations.

See you Friday for the pres!

DOOR OPENS

I'm back! Hello.

Any news from the estate agent, Mummy?

Uh-uh.

Why are you still in bed?

I need to start setting up for the party.

Well, it's not my fault I slept so terribly.

Your downstairs neighbours started hoovering at 11am.

How can you even hear the hoover over that TV?

Please get up, Mummy.

I need to turn this room into a spa by 2pm

when the girls arrive. Well, if you're going to be in here,

where exactly am I supposed to watch Wimbledon?

I'm helping the crew get ready, so it's not my concern.

This is the designated VI-Pres Area.

AMANDA GASPS What is this?

Gross, Mummy. What?

I did it out of the window.

Why are you going through my bins?

Er, MY bins. Building a coffee table,

I've accidentally dropped a screw.

All right. Abs has never actually been inside my flat

and I want to present as the kind of person

who puts their cup somewhere predictable.

Yeah, ha-ha!

Nice screw.

Erm, do you think you could ask your mum to turn the telly down at night?

All I can hear is GB News from the floorboards.

I'm becoming right wing through osmosis.

Well, if I could, I would.

It's like having another teenager.

It's a good job you're going to be living together, then, innit?

Oh, it'll be fine once we have a moving in date.

And everyone knows high ceilings really absorb family tension.

Oh, yeah. Cos that really worked at Buckingham Palace.

MUFFLED TV PLAYS

OK. Right. Boat leaves at six,

limo arrives at five.

15 minutes for photo ops?

I'll tell make-up we need everyone ready at 4.30.

She's worked on Strictly so she'll understand deadlines.

Mummy, those crisps are for the pres. I'm only smelling them.

DOORBELL CHIMES

It's the guys! So exciting.

Please don't try and be cool, Mum. As if.

Mmm!

Hey-oh!

Strong nail game. Look at that! You should hear them texting.

It's like a 1950s typing pool. Hello.

Della, hug, hug, hug. Welcome back!

Oh, how were the high seas?

Have you seen Below Deck? No.

Well, that's that comparison fucked, then.

It's all right if we hang around to do photos, right? Hi.

Oh, it's a bit of a drop-off

cos I'm going to be hanging with the girls. Hey!

Hi. Hi. Uh... Hiya.

MUFFLED CHATTER INSIDE OK.

TV BLASTS CHEERING Mummy, it's very loud.

Mummy! Shall we turn that off now?

We've got guests. Mm-hm.

DOORBELL CHIMES Elaine's here with Sasha.

Can someone get that? You a tennis fan, Della?

Never watched it, never played it,

but it's produced some excellent lesbians,

so, yeah. Yeah. I'm a fan.

Amanda, babe, have you got any vino?

Erm...

OK. Yeah, I'm just about to take some drinks up to the girls, Fi,

but I think there's some wine in the fridge.

Ah, right.

That's Mummy's, drink that.

Ooh! I heard that.

It's so fun having Della back. Aw.

And I'm excited to take over as the breadwinner.

So I can't wait to tell her my sabbatical plan.

DOORBELL CHIMES Aw.

Fi, I think I might be needed now. OK.

Georgie, the make-up designer.

Hi, there. I'm Claire. Hello! I'm sorry I'm a tad late.

The traffic was a nightmare down from Birmingham.

Oh, for the Strictly tour? No, my parents live there,

and I'm crashing with them cos my house burnt down in a fire.

Note to self - don't light candles and fall asleep in the bath, ha-ha!

Right, where do you want me? Do you want to do it in my room?

Oh, sweetheart, I've got it all set up in here.

Er, actually, upstairs sounds good,

cos I could do with a bit of space for all my kit.

Oh, OK. I'm one of life's spreaders.

I'm a super spreader, you could say. SHE CHUCKLES

So if you can catch it, I'll get it.

I've only just shaken off conjunctivitis.

Great. Just up here? Erm, OK... Let's get cracking.

Will you be needing this, Claire? Oh, is that all right?

Sorry. Yeah, that's fine. It weighs a tonne. Yeah.

I slipped a disc last year. Is that OK? I've got it.

Can you manage? Yes! Yes.

So exciting!

Hello... MUFFLED CHATTER

OK.

Ooh! Loving the vibe.

I'll just pop this... Oh, yeah. Brilliant. ..here,

and I thought maybe I could lend a hand with the hair.

So I'm going to need a plug for my straighteners.

Oh, that'd be nice. Mum, could we get some drinks, please?

Oh! Er... Oh, wait. Yeah, no, I'm actually quite thirsty.

Could we?

Can I get a drink, too?

Oh, yes. Yes, sure. Of course.

Mocktails coming right up. Yep.

Thank you. Don't do anything fun without me.

Just here, I'll...

COMMENTARY ON TV

PHONE BUZZES

Oh, who's calling me?

Hello, Amanda speaking.

Oh, hello. It's Tony here from PoshnClassyLimosandCoaches.com.

Hi. Listen, bit of bad news, I'm afraid, my darlin'.

Our driver has just come down with a migraine.

These cocktails are off.

They're not. They're just non-alcoholic.

Sorry, what has this got to do with me?

Well, I'm afraid we're going to have to cancel.

What?! No, you can't cancel.

I need that limo. It's my daughter's prom.

I'm sorry, but we just don't have a driver

who can handle a vehicle of that length.

Now, listen, I don't usually do this because I am

a very modest super influencer,

but my Insta, Senuous, is followed by a lot of influential people

who could definitely afford to hire limos, albeit ironically.

And all I need to do is post that you cancelled at the last minute,

and, well, that's going to be seen by a lot of powerful eyeballs.

And you are going to rue the day.

Amanda? Yes?

I'll sort it.

Oh, OK. Thank you.

All right.

Mummy, please turn the volume down.

And have you got your phone on you in case the estate agent calls?

Oh, nag, nag, nag. I'm not a child, you know.

OK, well, stop acting like one.

Right, drinks time! Ooh!

Nope, not for you.

Girls. It's mocktail o'clocktail!

Oh, God!

Guess who didn't put the lid on the glitter!

Don't worry, I've got more in the car.

Ha-ha, ha!

Girls, only me!

Who wants a Smooch On The Beach?

I think you're going to have to take it off and start again, George.

It's awful.

What's wrong?

Oh.

The make-up designer is so bad, Mum.

She's made me look really old.

She didn't even know what contouring was.

We had to show her a YouTube video.

No. What? She's worked on Strictly.

Yeah. She did Bill Bailey.

Damn it. Please, can you ask her to leave, Mum?

She's going to make us look like middle-aged receptionists.

I can't. I've paid for her, and she's driven all the way

from Birmingham. And she's so nice. Please, Mum.

Yeah, it... She does... You do look hideous, my love.

I'm sorry.

I'll sort it.

OK. I've cleaned the bathroom, I've done the kitchen.

Erm, does it smell in here? Yeah. It reeks of Febreze and bleach.

Oh, right. Great.

There's a lot more space in here.

Have you had a wall taken out?

Er, no. I just put all the vinyls in the shed

to create a bit of space, you know?

Which reminds me, do not let Abs in the summer house.

It's a tip, and anyone who's got a beer

can use one of the coasters, please.

Since when did you use coasters?

Since today. It's a new table. I don't want to get marks on it.

KNOCKING AT DOOR

Oh, shit, they're here.

Hey! Come in. Welcome.

Only us. Everyone decent? JJ CHUCKLES

Hey, JJ. You all right, Mum?

Hi, baby. Wow!

Yeah. So this is where the magic happens, hey?

Oh, yeah. Of course. You've never been here.

No, no, I haven't been inside. No.

Ah. I came to your old place above the barbers

that was definitely a money laundering front.

Can I use your bog? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Straight through. Great. Yeah.

Hey, JJ, you want a beer?

Oh, sure. Coaster.

Oh, ha. One shouldn't hurt. Ha!

JJ, man! Catch.

Yes. Thank you. I just cleaned the floor.

Hmm.

MUFFLED CHATTER

Ah, just the person I was looking for.

I've only got a parking ticket! Oh, no. Oh, classic me.

Is everything all right?

TV BLASTS IN BACKGROUND Yes. Terrific.

Really, really good. Oh, good.

Er... Sorry, hang on.

Mummy, it's very loud. Turn it down.

Oh, God.

Er, tell you what, we're having such a laugh up there.

Those young ladies, they're a real hoot.

Reminds me of when I used to work with Carole Smillie. Aw!

And your Georgie, she's so polite!

She's a real credit to you, Amanda.

Oh, thanks.

So, I know we talked about you doing the full three hours.

Oh, listen, I'm happy to do more.

Er... I'm just so pleased to be here.

This is my first gig back since I finished chemo, so...

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, God.

Erm... Well, I was thinking that...

Mmm. ..erm, maybe the girls could just do their own thang.

Are they not happy?

No, not at all. They love it!

They love it. Yeah, yeah, they love it.

No, no, I just thought, erm, er, that it was a...

It's a bit unfair of them hogging you all to themselves.

And I know that the other parents would love a go, too.

So we can all look good for the photos as well.

Oh! AMANDA CHUCKLES

Of course!

That's so sweet. Oh, no.

Yeah, listen, I'll grab some more brushes. OK, yeah.

And then I'll give this lot a once-over. OK.

Hey, shall I start on you, mmm? Tease that jawline out? Eh?

Amanda's so nice letting you go first.

I feel like a princess. BOTH CHUCKLE

I've never had a makeover before.

Don't you start. You'll get me going.

I'm so sorry.

Good news.

I managed to ditch daggy old Claire.

So here I am to lend a hand.

That's really nice of you, but, erm, GanGan's helping us out.

Oh. What?

I used to be a model, so I'm virtually a professional.

Well, for your information, I actually could have been a model.

No, you couldn't have been a model. You've got your father's shoulders.

It's all good, Mum. We'll be down in a minute.

Love you.

OK, who's for a top up?

ALL FUSSING

Busted! Mummy!

What do you think you're doing?!

It's just a tiny tipple. Relax.

I said no booze. My roof, my rules.

For now. Amanda, the limo's here!

Thank God.

You may be a model, but you are no role model.

I'll be right back. Oh, wow.

I am loving the Barbara Cartlands, babe.

I'll have a go next. Don't blink with your eyelids.

You'll get glued together! THEY LAUGH

HORN HONKS Tony. Hi. Amanda!

Yes, hello. Oh, can I just say... Yeah. Yeah.

...big fan of your underwear.

OK, erm, we're not quite ready,

so if you could just do a lap of the block

and I'll give you a call when I'm ready.

Do you know how long you're going to be?

Because I've got to get back to the switchboard, so... Not...

Not long. Not long. But just take the first left

and you can do a loop around the block.

Well, that does look a bit tight.

I don't usually drive the limo.

It's... It's fine. Just keep circling.

Well, we do need to leave soon, though!

You're the professional, Claire.

Make me look gorgeous. Oh, what fun!

You're my favourite sort of client!

Right, I'm thinking something really funky.

It's so lovely to have you back.

I've got a rather interesting plan I'd love to pass by you,

if that's all right? Sorry, bab. Can you just keep still?

I'm going to start on your lips. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Ha.

I'll go first. I have something to say to you as well.

DELLA INHALES, EXHALES

So the investors behind the cruise were really impressed... Mm-hm.

...with what I did. Uh-huh.

And, erm, and long story short,

they've offered me my own restaurant.

Oh! Ooh! Really?!

Where's that, then? In London?

No, er...

In Miami! Oh. Wow!

Fi, Fi, can you just hold still?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

I mean, the weather is great all year round,

and we can easily get a pet passport for Bobby.

Wow. Oh. That's so fancy.

I'd love to go to Miami.

I've never been, but I've seen CSI Miami...

Ahh! Oh, my God, are you OK? Oh, oh, oh!

I picked up the hot end of the hair straighteners, oh, again!

Oh, when will I learn?

Oh, I can't believe how handsome you look.

I'm going to send these to all the Pats. Ha-ha.

Now get behind me and hold the bump.

Oh, my... What? No, that's weird. DOOR OPENS

Erm, sit on my knee?

No! Oh, I know.

Why don't we press our cheeks together? Mum!

This is getting creepy now.

SHUTTER CLICKS

Jesus, is it that time already?! I have to go to the boat.

It leaves at six. Don't be late. Thank God.

Bye, Anne.

MUFFLED PARTY CLAMOUR

Listen, sorry if I was a bit of a party pooper back then,

but to make up for it,

I wondered if you wanted to borrow my shoes.

Oh, my gosh, thank you so much.

I'm a very petite size nine, so I'm sure you can make them work.

I love them. Aw!

Why don't you wear the sliders on board to save your arches? Yeah?

I love you. I love you. Thank you.

Oh, and if it's cool with you and the squad,

maybe I can come in just for the finishing touches.

Come on. OK.

PHONE BUZZES

Oh, what now?

Ugh.

Yes?

What?

There you go. Ha.

Oh, boys!

That's a lot of aftershave, huh?

Right, where's your mum?

Well, she's in Luton.

Sorry, you mean Abs, don't you?

Er, I think she's in the garden.

Hold that. Shit!

I told you not to let her near the shed!

Ahem.

Famous shed.

Yeah, technically, it's a... It's a summerhouse.

Yeah, normally, we keep the vinyl in...

Not in here. Mmm.

So it feels bigger and, erm...

All right. Look, Abs, I see you poking around with your judgy looks.

My flat's not huge and the phone reception's shit

and half of Ned's bedroom is in the back garden.

But it's a nice flat,

and the neighbours are lovely, and we like it here.

So stop behaving like...

SHE CHUCKLES

What? You're such a tit.

What I was thinking was,

"Holy shit. Mal's sorted his life out."

You've got a toilet roll on the thingy.

You've got two types of sugar.

You've built a fucking den.

Technically, it's a summerhouse.

Yeah, well, it's remarkable for a man

who used to use a sock as a wallet. HE SCOFFS

No, you're like a fully functioning human being, mate.

And you're a really, really, really great dad.

And, yeah, I just never thought I'd say it,

but you've nailed being a grown-up.

Thanks. Yeah.

I hope it's OK for me to say this, but, um...

...us not being married any more is definitely...

I totally agree.

THEY LAUGH

JJ GRUNTS, ABS LAUGHS

Love you guys.

Are you pissed, JJ?

Yep. Yeah!

Erm, why are we all hugging in my shed?

Oh, my God. Oh, my...

Look! Look at this handsome young man.

Get in here, man. You look amazing!

Lady killer! Yeah! I can't move.

Oi, you lot. The limo's here. Are we going or what?

Are you OK? Mm-hm.

Wow, right? Oh, my God.

Open jacket, please.

Anything in there?

Nothing. Nothing, OK.

On you go. Hello.

SCANNER WHIRS

Hi. Can you open your purse, please?

Turn around.

Sorry, what is that?

Water.

Good, you're staying hydrated. That's great.

On you go.

Open your bag.

Tony, please! It's not as simple as that, Amanda!

It was a... That's like so much space.

I've just scraped it in there.

It's just... It's really unfortunate.

OVERLAPPING SPEECH I can't believe you got it stuck.

I normally just man the phones.

How...? What's going on?

Tony has got the limo stuck

and they are literally going to miss the boat.

The girls are coming down, Mandy!

Oh, my God! Move the car!

How? I can't change physics.

It's like, God... CAR HORN HONKS

Just... Great. Yes. That's all I need.

That's what I need! Move your limo, you're blocking the street.

CAR HORN DROWNS OUT CHATTER

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, sweetheart!

Babe, you look amazing.

Doesn't she look stunning?

You look so beautiful, babe. Aw!

What's happening with the limo?

Oh, God. We're not going to be late, are we?

If I... Tony, we have to get to the prom. Right. Hold my wine.

We don't have time for this, please! What are you doing?

Sorting shit out.

I drive a 15-year-old transit with a knackered clutch.

BICKERING CONTINUES This should be a piece of piss.

It's stuck, Amanda! Oi, matey. Give me the keys.

OK. Hurry up! We're late. Hurry up!

Hey, you in the black car! Back up.

OK, Tony. Out of the way! I... Out of the way!

TONY SPLUTTERS Your missus is a boss lady now.

What? She can reverse park like a demon.

Are we talking about the same Fiona?

Oh, yes.

Mind the bollard! Mind the bollard!

CHEERING

Here you go, mate.

CHEERING CONTINUES Nice!

Bloody hell. Who is this new woman? HORN HONKS

Go, you're late! You're late! You're late! Go, go, go!

OK, love you. Photos...!

I love you!

Mum, we really need to go.

God! Just a sec. Just a sec.

Mum, you take it! Oh, no!

How does this thing work? Just take it, Mummy, quickly!

Mum, we've got to go. We've got to go.

We don't have time, Amanda! Go, go, go!

SQUEALING

Enjoy yourselves! This only happens once.

Bye-bye! See you!

See you, mate. Thanks very much!

Bye, darling! Have a lovely prom. Have a good time!

Bye!

Just wish I'd had a bit more time with them.

Right, who else wants to get a makeover?

Oh, no, someone's left their bag.

Oh, no.

Whose are these? Oh, God, they're Georgie's.

She's wearing sliders. You can't wear sliders to the prom.

This is a nightmare. Oh...

Right, get in the van.

Come on. Come on!

Oh, God. Will we make it?

Well, there's only one way to find out.

ENGINE IGNITES Let's go.

DULL THUD Oh... Oh!

I think we just backed into Claire.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Sorry. It was my fault anyway.

She's fine. OK. Go, go, go!

SCANNER WHIRS

SHE CLEARS THROAT

What are these?

Antacids.

Do you get the...?

Oh, God, it's terrible. Yeah, me too. It's a scourge.

Go on. In you go. Have a good night.

Hi. Sorry. Can we hurry this up a bit, please, Darius's mum?

It's just the boat driver wants to take off. OK. Cool.

THEY LAUGH, MUSIC BLASTS

Honestly, the one time they're not glued to their phones.

Oh, shit!

Mal, it's 5.49.

How do we stop the boat?

Well, there is one person you could call.

PHONE BUZZES

Hi, Amanda. Everything OK?

Anne, you have to delay the boat.

But we're nearly all aboard. Georgie has forgotten her shoes

and I need to bring them to her.

Please, Anne, we're nearly there.

Leave it with me.

Thank you.

You know what, lads?

I don't think I've searched you thoroughly enough.

My God, this whole stupid afternoon has been an absolute flop.

What? Kids had a great time.

Yeah, but I didn't get to join in.

Not that Georgie wanted me there anyway.

Georgie's finding her groove. Mmm.

You should be proud.

Getting her ready to fly the nest like your mum got you ready.

And now here I am, moving back in with her.

Well, for what it's worth,

I'm going to miss you.

Oh, my God, there it is! There it is, Mal.

That's the turning. Yep, I got it.

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Five minutes. Let's go. Oh, my God. Let's go.

I forgot my shoes. I forgot my shoes!

Oh, my God. What am I going to do? I can't go to prom in sliders!

OK, OK. I mean, they look good. Oh!

Does anyone know where I can turn around?

No! Oh, my God, you're kidding me! HORNS HONKING

All right, the limousine is stuck again,

but it's just a couple of hundred yards away.

If you sprint, you might just make it. Right.

The door!

Madam, we really need to go.

Don't touch me! Don't touch me! I'm pregnant.

Georgie, is there any sign of your mum?

Because I don't think I can hang on any longer.

No. OK, we should get on the boat, George.

Don't worry. If your heels don't arrive,

some of the best times of my life have been had in comfortable shoes.

Georgie!

Oh, my God, is that your mum?

There she is.

Georgie! Hold the boat!

CHEERING

I've got your shoes!

Amanda! Amanda! Amanda!

Mum, hurry up! CHANTING CONTINUES

Just... Sorry.

Oh!

SHE COUGHS

That's vodka.

What? Oh, no...

Thank you so much. My darling! I love you! All aboard! Come on!

Quick! I love you. Thanks, Mum.

My sweetheart, have the most wonderful prom.

And try not to spill any sticky drinks on those shoes, please.

I won't. They're satin.

Just get on the boat. BOAT HORN BLARES

And three, two, one...

CHEERING

These are so hard to walk in.

I'm going back to sliders.

Mum! I'll stick with the flats.

Catch!

Doesn't matter!

Have the best time, my sweetheart.

Thanks.

Anne, quick! I can still see them.

Can you swim? I mean, I've got my 20m.

BOAT HORN BLARES

I'm absolutely gasping.

Can you believe our baby's gone to prom?

It's mad, innit?

Do you know, I can't take anything that you're saying seriously

with that make-up on. I asked for a Kardashian.

Ha-ha! Well, you got Fanny Cradock.

Ha-ha.

Nice driving back there.

I've never seen you take charge like that before.

I'm a dog walker now. Mm-hm.

What I say goes.

Ask the dogs.

You don't want to move, do you?

Not really. Huh.

I mean, you know I love you...

...but this is the first time in years I feel settled,

and Morts has got sixth form and we've got friends.

And I'm not just jealous wife Fi, I'm utterly barking Fi now.

I'm going to say no to the offer.

No, no. Go to Miami, babe.

You've got to do it.

But we're going to stay here.

We've made it work for the last year.

We can do a bit longer.

I'm going to take these eyelashes off.

Hello!

Is everyone gone now? Well, nearly.

The make-up lady's upstairs washing her brushes.

Oh, God. She's still here.

How did it go? Well...

...Georgie got her photo,

and then my shoes fell in the Thames.

Oh. Well, that's what being a mother is about in the end.

Emergencies and cheerleading. Yes.

I think you're doing fantastically.

Oh, Mummy. Mm-hm.

The estate agent called, by the way,

and we officially exchange on Monday.

Mummy...

...I don't think we should move in together.

Oh!

What a relief. I couldn't agree more.

Oh, Mummy!

Really? Oh! I think we'd kill each other.

Georgian proportions aren't worth the jail time.

Let's just stick to being mother and daughter and not roommates.

Yes. Aw.

Oh, Mummy, do you think you'll lose the deposit, though?

Well, no, because I'm still going to buy the house.

I just don't think you should live there with me.

Wait, what? But...

But that's my house.

Well, it's my house now, darling.

And we're going to be neighbours.

And if you ever want to pop in for a coffee,

my door will always be open.

Right! That's me done.

Honestly, I've had the best time.

I can't thank you enough. Thanks, Claire.

Really, I've just had the loveliest after...

CLAIRE SHOUTS, THUDDING

I'm fine!