All language subtitles for Zorro erotikus kalandjai.1972

[music]

-This is Los
Angeles, California,

third largest
city in the USA,

home of seven
million people.

About half of
them are women.

The rest
are men.

This is
Olvera Street,

the city's original
thoroughfare,

a Los Angeles trademark
and tourist attraction.

Through preservation
and restoration,

Olvera Street is much the
same as it was 150 years ago.

It's always
been a skin game.

[music]

[indistinct speech]

-Move along, you creep.
You're holding up the line.

Like everyone else,
you have to pay your taxes.

-I cannot pay.

I've had
a bad year.

-Ah .

[background chatter]

-They want
my last peso.

-Ihave
no money,

and now they want to take
my miserable hobble, my cow,

my half
acre of land,

and my daughter.

[music]

-What can
we do, Pedro?

We have no
money either.

-All right,
you people.

It's April 15th.

You all know
what that means.

It's tax time.

[grumbling]

You want
good government?

You got to
pay for it.

[booing]

Today, we will
collect water tax,

income tax,

property tax,

use tax,

and vehicle
registration tax.

Juan Hernandez,

100 pesos.

Next.

Juan Peron,

200 pesos.

-Sefior Alcalde, it will
leave me without a centavo.

[whip cracking]

I pay, I pay.

-Ah, Chico, how are you and
your two lovely daughters today?

-We are all fine,
Sefior Alcalde.

-I'm glad to
hear that, Chico.

Then you won't mind
paying your taxes, eh?

250 pesos.

Por favor.

-Icannot
pay that amount.

I will not pay
that amount.

I'll kill you first,
you thieving bastard.

[gunshot]
[screaming]

-All right,
you people.

No rough stuff.

-You'll pay for this
felony, Luis Bonasario.

-Alejandro,
what can we do?

You know the
horror of it all.

Since your father
cannot pay his taxes,

your girls must pay.

However,

we will let
you work it off.

Sergeant Latio,

take charge of these two tasty
wenches and collect 250 pesos.

Plus a fine of 50 pesos
for disturbing the peace.

-300 pesos.

They'll be 45 years old
by the time they pay it.

Come on.

That's enough of
this nice guy shit.

-Father in
heaven, help us.

Somebody help us.

Alejandro, this
cannot go on.

We may be next.

-Get that body
out of here.

-Next.

Vi ncenzo.

200 pesos.

-Luis Bonasario
and Esteban Velazquez

make a mockery of
all that is good and right

in the glorious colonies
of Old Spain.

-Taxes.

Do you know where every peso
of that tax money goes?

Into the pockets of Luis
and Esteban, that's where.

-Thank you
very much.

Next.

How sweet it is.

[laughs]

[laughs]

Manuel Velas,

200 pesos.

-What a score those
bums are making.

-I have heard what
happens in Bonasario's offices.

He seduces virgins.

-He entices hateful wives--
-Next,

-into adultery.
-Roman Alvarado,

-Fifty pesos.
-They even have orgies.

-Esteban commands
the presidio.

He has the entire
garrison behind him.

He and Luis work hand in glove
to rob, rape, and pillage our people.

We are too old to take up
swords to avenge these wrongs.

The peons, they have
no training in fighting.

-Fifty pesos,
my friend, Cristina.

Fifty pesos.

Next.

-Alejandro,

what can be done?

-My son Diego.

He's been at the Military Institute
Madrid for the last four years.

The comandante
has written me.

Diego is the greatest swordsman
and horseman in all of Spain.

I will write to him and he
will come home to California.

-Yes, that
is the answer.

I knew you would
think of something.

You must write him today,
Don Alejandro,

because tomorrow
a ship leaves for Spain.

-Yes, Don, come.

-All right, ladies.

You don't want me to have
to use this on you, do you?

It would be a shame to
mark up such beautiful bodies.

Now, the comandante will
be here in a few minutes.

So as we
say in Spanish,

get your
clothes off.

Come on,
hurry up.

[music]

Get them off. It's
not a striptease show.

[music]

-Comandante.

[music]

-Sergeant Latio.

[music]

-Choice.

Choice.

I may even
say prime.

-Comandante,
they are both virgins.

-We shall
see, Sergeant.

We shall see.

[whimpering]

[whimpering]

[whimpering]

-I think I'll take this one, Sergeant.
[whimpering]

What's her name?

-Her name is
Rosita, Comandante.

-[whimpering]

-If what Sergeant
Latio says is true,

consider yourself fortunate,
my little chili pepper,

that Captain Esteban
Velazquez is your first man.

Nice to see you have
everything in hand, Sergeant.

-Wait 'til she finds out
his saber is bent.

-Oh well, that's the
way it is in the army.

The Commandant
gets first choice.

You, my
little tamale,

are going to get to entertain
Sergeant Filipio Latio.

You can
call me Phil.

-No, please.
Fmanm.

-Virgin?

I believe it.

When you do
what I want, darling,

you'll still
be a virgin.

-No, I can't.

I never--

-Fear not.

Fear not.

Relief is just
a swallow away.

Come on.

Be good.

-No, Sergeant. No.
-Chow time!

[music]

-No.

No, please.

No, no.
[crying]

[crying]

No.

No.

No, please. Please.

Please.

No.

-Ah, at least one swallow
came back to Capistrano this year.

[music]

-Here they come.

The California
Cockerel's in the lead.

Ten pesos
says he wins.

-Yes, I bet.

[background noise]

-Well, he's
done it.

Pay up.

-Lieutenant Rodriguez
isn't going to like this.

He thinks he's the best
horseman in all of Spain.

-Well, at least now he has
a rival in Diego de Vega.

-Si, but who do you think
is the better swordsman?

-In a duel
or in bed?

Bravo, Diego.

-San Diego, the Capitano wants to
see you in his office immediately.

-Damn, now what?

-Whose heart did you
break this time, Diego?

-Broken hearts
don't bother me.

It's the parts that can't be mended
that cause the most trouble.

Tell the Comandante
I'll be there in a minute.

I wanted to buy a little gift
for Lolita for the party tonight,

but now there
won't be time.

-Ah, don't worry about
the Eternal Virgin Lolita.

Put something in a
box and she's happy.

I wonder why in the name of heaven
she keeps pretending she's a maiden.

-Woman's folly,
my friend.

Woman's folly.

[background noise]

[knocking]

-Come in.
Come in.

Oh, it's you, Diego.

There have
a seat.

I'll be with
you in a moment.

-You want to see
me, Comandante?

-Now, see I have
something for you here.

It's a letter
from your father.

-A letter,

from my father?

My dearest son,

our fine community is being
raped by the new alcalde,

our women too.

Come home
at once.

We need your help
to stamp out this heel.

It's signed,

father.

Sir, I must return
to help my people.

May I have your permission
to leave the academy

until these
renegades are eliminated?

-Yes, of
course, of course.

We'll miss you,
but I understand.

Give my regards
to your father.

-Si, gracias.

I'll leave first
thing in the morning.

-Good luck.

[door closes]

[music]

[background chatter]
[music]

-Diego.

Over here.

-Pablo, Manuel.

-We heard.

Instead of a party to celebrate Lolita's
becoming a fallen woman again,

it's a farewell
to Diego.

-Salud.
-Salud.

[music]

-Tell me, is Los
Angeles really so bad?

-Terrible, according
to my father.

Terror,
villainy, rape.

Let's forget about
all that for now.

This is supposed to be
a party. To wine,

women.

[background chatter]
[music]

-Really luscious tonight?

[music]
[background chatter]

[background chatter]

[music]

[music]
[background chatter]

-Bravo.
Bravo, Bravo.

Marvelous
exhibition, Diego,

but I don't think you really
know anything about women

or lovemaking.

-[laughs]

Oh,

you who walks around
in women's clothing

when you think
no one is watching.

Talks to me about
women, lovemaking.

-How dare you?

I demand an
apology at once.

-Fuck off.

-En garde!

It shall be a
fight to the finish.

-Look, Rodriguez,

this whole thing
is ridiculous.

This is a party.

Join us
if you like.

There's plenty of
everything to go around.

-Get your
sword up, Diego.

We'll see who
the better man is.

[music]

-I never met a man
who wanted to die

as much as you do.

You are
half drunk,

so we'll make
it a fair fight.

[music]

[laughter]

-Quit while you're
ahead, Rodriguez.

This is madness.

Quit before
you get hurt.

-I'll kill you and cut
them off for souvenirs.

-Take your
best shot, Rod.

Next time, don't
wave your sword

at someone who
has a superior weapon

and knows
how to use it.

[music]

-[laughs]

Ah,

what an exit.

- Bravo.
- Bravo.

-0h, Diego,

must you
go so soon?

-Yes.

I have to be on my way to
California early in the morning.

-Adios, my friends.
-Bravo.

-Adios.
-Adios.

[laughter]

[music]

-0h, Don Alejandro,

the Martinez family
is already the ninth family

that has fled Los Angeles
for Mexico City.

We've paid the taxes imposed on
them by this vermin, Luis Bonasario.

-And on
the Sabbath,

those that
come to church,

the sadness
in their faces.

Oh, the
misery of it all.

-Don Alejandro,

this cannot go on.

-Diego, my son.

[laughs]

Diego.
[laughs]

Diego. It is so good
to have you home again.

-It's good to
be home, Father.

-You remember
Don Manuel.

-Don Manuel,
my father's dearest friend.

-How are you?
-F1'ne, fine.

-Thank you.
-And your wife, Dofia Amelia?

-0h, she's fine
too, the family.

-Your son, Juajito.
-Fine. Look how big and strong he got.

[laughs]

-Of course, you remember your
beloved teacher and priest, Fray Felipe.

-Fray Felipe.

Next to my dear father,
you are the man I have respected

and loved most
in this whole world.

-Ah, Diego,

what a splendid person
you have turned out to be.

How proud I am that
I was your first instructor.

Heaven will surely reward you
for answering your father's call on this,

our hour of need.

-So tell me, who was
doing what to whom?

-When you went
to study in Spain,

l,

Don Alejandro
Vega, was the good,

just, and well-liked
alcalde of Los Angeles.

A position I held for many
years with great honor.

Then one terrible day,
this slimy Luis Bonasario

arrived in our city

and proclaimed himself
the new alcalde.

-How did
this happen?

-An appointment
from the governor himself.

Signed,
sealed, and legal.

-To back his appointment
came the henchman,

Capitan Esteban Velazquez,
and Sergeant Felipe Latio,

along with a score
of battle-trained soldiers.

-Why didn't you write the governor
and ask why such a person

was appointed
in your place?

-I did,
many times.

-He has never
answered those letters.

-Obviously, one of two
things has happened.

These scoundrels are even
tampering with the mail.

-Or.

-Or?
-Or?

-The governor
himself is a thief.

-Diego, with taxes what
they are, it won't be long

before Bonasario
owns all of Los Angeles.

Already, some of our wealthy friends
have had to sell out to him.

-Now he even wants
to tax the mission lands.

This is why your
father sent for you.

The comandante of the military
academy wrote your father

and said you were the greatest horseman
and swordsman in all of Spain.

Oh my son, how
proud I am of you.

-Diego,

maybe you could form an army
and wipe out this Bonasario.

-Where will I recruit
an army, father?

-The peons?

-No, that would
take too long a time.

We must
act immediately.

-What shall we do?
-What shall we do?

-We will carry on as
if nothing has happened.

Tomorrow, I will visit this Bonasario
and Velazquez at the presidio in person.

-What can you
possibly do alone?

[sneezes]

-Bless you, son.

-Well, one can
try, can't one?

Now, Papa, Don Manuel,
and dear Fray Felipe,

I am literally exhausted
from the journey.

You'll excuse me
if I go beddy-byes?

Oh, and Don Manuel, please give
my very best to your son, Juajito,

and tell him I'll
be seeing him soon.

-These military schools

can do funny
things to a boy.

[music]

-Nothing but bills.

Nothing but
fucking bills.

I think tomorrow we're going
to raise the taxes, Esteban, eh?

-I am Don
Diego de Vega.

I wish to
see the Alcalde.

-One moment, sefior.

-One simply must
have a parasol

to protect one's delicate complexion
from the burning rays of the sun.

-S1', sefior.

-Don Diego de
Vega to see the alcalde.

-Send him in.

-Send him in.

The alcalde will
see you now.

-Thank you.

You are very kind.

Your Excellency,
I am Don Diego de Vega.

-Don Alejandro
Vega's son.

Ah, Don Diego,
how nice it is to meet you.

[laughs]
Yes, well,

Don Diego, I thought that
you were in Spain at school.

-I've had enough of
schools, Your Excellency.

I was lonesome
for my family,

my friends.

[laughter]

-I told them
to be quiet,

but obviously, they've
had too much wine.

-Ooh, such
fine plumage.

Whose closet
did he come from?

-Graciara, don't
be impertinent.

This is Don Diego de Vega,
son of the former Alcalde.

Show some respect.

I thought I told you
to wait for me inside.

-Oh, well, it got too hot
and we couldn't wait.

-Don Diego, forgive
us for being so rude,

but you've arrived
at a most inopportune time.

As you can see, we have some
unfinished business to attend to.

-You needn't
apologize, Comandante.

I understand
perfectly.

We can
meet again.

Before I
leave, though,

I wonder if you'd be kind enough
to tell me who is your tailor.

How exquisite.

Yes, you are obviously
a man of good taste.

I do hope we can
meet again soon.

Oh by the
way, Comandante,

have you
seen this one?

-Don Diego, you
must excuse us.

We would invite you to
join us for the evening,

but I'm afraid we don't know
where to find someone

to suit
your proclivity.

[laughter]

-Of course.

Another time, Excellency.

You do have the most
beautiful things, Comandante.

Hasta mafiana.

[laughter]

-That faggot.

Talking to
me that way,

I'll give him three
feet of cold steel.

-He must know
you, Esteban, dear.

After all, you do have
the most beautiful things.

-We'll have no trouble
from him, eh, Esteban.

Are you still
hot, my little chica?

-S1', and I think there are some things
that you should take care of personally.

-As for you,
Sefior Comadante,

you got
a big job.

You like the
job you have.

I think maybe
from now on

you'd better do what I tell
you to do and get it done,

or maybe my friend Don Diego
will have a new playmate, eh?

[laughter]

[laughter]

[music]

[laughter]

-Whatta you got
here, Miranda?

[laughter]

Very nice,
very nice.

[laughter]

Tie them up.

I got something
for you.

[screaming]

I got a bigger snake than this for you.
[screaming]

Come on, Miranda.

[screaming]
[laughing]

I got a bigger snake than this for you.
[screaming]

[music]

There's a
note on this.

You can read.
What does it say?

-Knowing that Luis Bonasario
is a thief and a tyrant,

and cannot long
escape my justice.

Signed, Zorro.

-Zorro? Who
the fuck is Zorro?

-I don't know,
but he tells it like it is.

-What's going on?

Get out of here,
you ignorant peasants.

Andale, andale!
Vamos! Raus!

[music]

-I got a funny
feeling if I could read,

this thing gonna piss
me off pretty bad.

[music]

-Did you see him?
-No.

-You look there.

[music]

-You in there? Quickly,
before we're discovered.

-Please leave
us alone.

Haven't you had
enough for one day?

-Have no
fear, sefiorita.

I want to help
you escape.

-Escape?

It must
be a trick.

-This is no trick, but come quickly
now before we're discovered.

-I don't
want to escape.

-Be quiet
and follow me.

-What are
you doing?

-Be quiet.

I just want to make sure the brutes
didn't bruise your beautiful body.

[laughter]

Ah, very nice.

Sergeant Latio
has taste.

Drive slowly, or you'll
arouse the soldiers.

-Wait, who are
you, masked man?

How can
we thank you?

-I'm sure that someday
you'll find a way.

Stay away
from your house.

Now go.

Find safety
with friends.

-Halt.

Who goes there?

[music]

-Now, what are we going
to do without the women?

Just because you use little boys
doesn't mean everybody does.

Estupidos, ignorantes,
imbeciles, Dummkopfs!

You, your sister swims out
to meet troopships, you idiot.

Now find them.

Find them and bring them
back here immediately

or you're all going to be tending
bar in Tijuana at the Blue Fox.

Out,

Andale, andale!
Imbeciles!

[music]

-All right, another
game of bingo.

Move your
cards, please.

Under the I, 28.

Under the N, 34.

Under the V, 18.

Under the G, 54.

Under the N, 37.

Under the O, 69.

-Bingo.

-Oh, shit.

-Hold your
cards, please.

There may
be a mistake.

[music]

-Father,

I have a wonderful
confession to make.

-What is it,
my little, my child?

-Father, I've decided
to become a nun.

Don't you think
that's wonderful?

-An admirable decision,

but you shouldn't
make up your mind

while you're still young
and inexperienced.

-What do you
mean, father?

-You should find out
what life is all about.

Why, a beautiful
girl like you

you must have
many young men.

So get married,

have a family,

and if you still want to become a nun,
come back and we'll work something out.

-Father, how can
you say such things?

I mean, if I'm to become a
nun, I must remain a virgin.

-What a waste.

What I'm trying
to tell you, my dear,

is that you don't have
sufficient experience.

50 live a little.

-Father, I do
not understand.

I thought if I became a
nun, it would please you.

-There are other,

better ways for
you to please me.

-What do
you mean?

Father?

What is it,
Sergeant Latio?

-Sefiorita Maria, we are looking for
a man in a long, black, flowing cape.

Have you seen
such a man?

-I saw
no one.

I was just
confessing to the padre.

Who is the man
with the dark cape?

-His name is Zorro, and
he's a very dangerous man.

He has just helped
two prisoners to escape.

If you see
him, beware.

Sefiorita Maria, we're
sorry to have disturbed you.

Padre, we apologize
for disturbing you.

Fear not.
We will get Zorro.

Out.

-Adic'>s, Chiquita.

[music]

[gunshots]

[gunshots]

[music]

-You've got
to catch him.

This Zorro,

he could screw up my plans
of being the biggest man in California.

-I know,
I know.

I'm part of those
plans too, remember?

-So what are you
going to do about it?

You and
your machos.

That was some show
you put on last night.

-My men have been
searching all night.

By tomorrow morning, they'll
be spread throughout the area.

He won't
escape this time.

I guarantee it.

-Your men,
your men.

All the men
they are,

they could compete with Don Diego
Vega for gay caballero of the year.

As for that
sefior Itar,

I think I would like to have
him meet my niece Maria.

A match between him and Maria
would be very advantageous to my plans.

-Luis,

you know I've had my eye
on Maria for a long time.

-That's all you're going to have on her,
at least until after the marriage.

Then, of course, Maria
is entitled to at least one lover.

Better it be you
than some stranger.

-Steps to
which you'll stoop

to become the richest man
in California is nauseating.

Poor Maria.

-Business, Esteban.

Big business.

The Vega holdings are
amongst the largest in California.

Tonight, we make our first move
to acquire them.

We are going to have Don
Diego to dinner tonight.

-Who is he
going to eat?

-No snide
remark to Diego.

Now get
out of here.

You have
something to do, no?

[music]

-Do not be frightened,
my lovely Maria.

I only want
to thank you

for not blowing the whistle
on me at the church last night.

-Who are you?

-I am Zorro.

-Zorro?
-Maria, are you ready?

It's time
to go down.

I thought I heard
voices in here just now.

-No, I was
just singing.

-Well, shall we?

Dinner's waiting.

[background noise]

-[laughs] Bravo.
Bravo.

-Aren't they fantastic?

[laughs]
Dofia Bonasario,

I have not had such a marvelous
dinner since I left Madrid.

Everything is
just exquisite.

Excellency,

may I say your niece is the most
charming young lady I have met?

-Thank you very
much, Don Diego.

You two must get to know
each other better.

She too has just
come from Spain.

She has only been with her aunt
and I for three months in California.

You two probably have
mutual acquaintances in Madrid, no?

-Maria, your
perfume, it's lovely.

What is it called?

-My perfume?
Why, it's--

-Oh, Esteban, really?

This beautiful scent
is called Amor Rapido.

-It's for
my boss.

I'm glad
you like it.

-Amor Rapido.

It's obviously
well named.

-Diego, you must tell us
about your life in Madrid.

Oh, that I was there
instead of this godforsaken outpost.

-Oh, yes, Diego, do tell
us about your carefree,

fascinating gay
life in Madrid.

-Actually, I spent most of my
time with the other cadets.

-That figures.

-Studying or drilling
or learning war games.

An officer must be a fine
horseman and swordsman,

but he must also know
about the weapons.

Sometimes it is
best to use a pistol,

but even an officer should
know how to handle a cannon.

-How interesting.

I suppose you know
how to do everything.

-Well, actually, you could say that,
but really, I'm boring you all I know.

-Esteban, you lived in
Spain too, didn't you?

Why don't you tell us why you left
such a beautiful country

to come to
this sleepy pueblo?

-When I was
a younger man,

I was quite
a sportsman,

although I had
a bad temper.

I had the finest
cock in Barcelona.

This cock came from a
long line of fighting cocks.

One Saturday, I took him
to the arena for a fight.

All the gentlemen
were there,

and the stakes
were high.

When the time came
for my cock to fight,

I entered
the arena

and presented myself
to my cock's opponent.

This gentleman took one
look at my magnificent cock

and stated he would
not let his champion

fight such a
little, scrawny thing.

I could not
bear this insult.

In a fit
of temper,

IchaUenged
him to a duel.

He was from one of the
finest families in Barcelona.

That was
my mistake.

-Oh, what an
exciting story, Esteban.

Please do go on.

-Yes, please
Esteban.

-I ran
him through.

As I said, he was from one
of the richest families in Barcelona.

Discretion being the
better part of valor,

I decided to
split the scene.

That is how I happened
to be here in Los Angeles.

-That's very
interesting, Esteban.

Too bad you can't challenge
that Zorro to a cock fight, eh?

[laughs]

-Zorro? Who in
the world is Zorro?

-Oh, he's--
-Yes, my dear?

-Oh, I'm
sorry, Uncle.

I was just trying to
explain to Don Diego.

-Forgive my
question, Excellency.

It's none
of my affair.

-It is
your affair.

It is the affair of every
loyal, law-abiding citizen.

This Zorro is a
masked bandit.

He's a criminal
and a rabblerouser.

He's dangerous to the
authority of my government.

He must be hunted down
and brought to justice.

-He will,
Don Luis.

You have
my word.

-Dofia Bonasario,

I can't thank you enough
for your gracious hospitality.

-It was our pleasure
having you, Don Diego.

Perhaps we'll be
seeing more of you soon.

-It would be
my pleasure.

-Perhaps you'd like to
accompany me on my morning ride.

-0h, I'd be
delighted.

-Would eight
be too early?

-No hour is too early to enjoy
your company, lovely lady.

Excellency,

thank you for
having me to dinner.

-Thank you,
Don Diego.

Give my regards
to your father.

-Gracias. I will.

[music]

-You do have the most
beautiful things, comandante.

Who is your tailor?

Good night.

[music]

-You're all just
too beautiful.

Nighty-night.

[music]

-Come, Maria. I'll help
you prepare for bed.

-Well, ladies, what do you think
of the son of the former alcalde?

-Oh, I think he's some kind
of a freak or something.

-I think things are
seldom what they seem.

-She will marry
Diego, Esteban,

but don't
you worry,

you'll get part of the action,
you and your fine cock, eh?

[laughs]

[music]

-Thinking of your
husband-to-be?

-Oh, yes.
He's wonderful.

-Well, at dinner, you didn't display
any great fondness for him.

-Who are you
talking about?

-Don Diego,
of course.

-Don Diego?
[laughs]

That she-man?

Oh, Aunt Helena.
Really, you're so much fun.

-Maria, I
do not jest.

-I don't
understand.

What do you mean?

-Your uncle and I have
already discussed it.

He has decided you
will soon marry Don Diego.

-0h, no.
No, I can't.

I'm in
love with--

[music]

-With whom, Maria?

There, there,
dear niece.

Everything will
work out in time.

You will learn
to love him.

41lnever
live that long.

-Come.

I'll help you
get undressed.

-But why does Uncle Luis
want me to marry that fag?

-Because his father
has great landholdings,

which will one day
belong to Diego and you.

-Aunt Helena,

do you love
Uncle Luis?

-Of course.

-Oh, it must be so wonderful
to love and be loved by a man--

A real man.

If I marry Diego,
I will never know.

-Yes.

To be loved physically
is the greatest ecstasy

one can experience.

You are
entitled to that.

-Aunt Helena, I--
I don't understand.

-You will,
my dear.

I will make you
understand many things.

[music]

-Aunt Helena,
is this all right?

-Try it.
You'll like it.

[music]

-Auntie, will it always be
like this with my husband?

-With him, it may
be a little different,

but your ever-loving auntie
will never be too far away.

[birds chirping]

-It's beautiful.

Let's stop
over there.

-All right.

[birds chirping]

-California can
be beautiful,

but I
won't miss it.

-Oh?

Are you thinking
of going back to Spain?

-I've longed to
return for some time.

Don Luis has also
spoken of returning,

but I don't think he wants
to give up what he has here.

-That's a
shame, sefiora.

Madrid is the center of everything,
and it gets bigger and better every day.

-You spend so much time
at the Academy with men.

You never
knew any girls?

-Well, of course.

What do you
think I am?

-I think you are something other
than what you pretend to be,

and I might
prove it.

-Oh?

What do you
have in mind?

-Help me slip
out of my skirt.

[music]

-Gracias, Don Diego.
Why don't you do the same?

You want those pretty
clothes to fade in the sun?

Let me
help you.

-A wise old man in Madrid
once told me something.

I guess
he was right.

-What was that?

-Strip away all
the linen and lace,

and the only difference between a
queen and a whore is time and place.

-A wise old gypsy woman in
Barcelona once told me something.

I think she
was right also.

-0h? What
was that?

-The longer you pretend,
the harder it gets.

-[laughs]

Now that I've
been found out,

I guess I'd better
confess my little hoax.

-It takes a big
man to do that.

[music]

-Things are seldom what they seem,
skim milk masquerades as cream.

-I trust you've
had your fill, my dear.

[music]

[intense music]

-Out, dog.

[intense music]

-Sometime tonight,
sergeant, I'll take that.

-Si, comandante.

-I'll take that, comandante.
-Zorro.

[intense music]

-Curses!
Foiled again. Men!

Men, Zorro has just robbed
the tax money.

Search the pueblo.

Search the church.
[trumpet playing]

-Search.
[trumpet playing]

Search.
[trumpet playing]

Find Zorro.

[clogged trumpet blowing]

[screams]

-Silencio, idiot.

-What happened?
-Zorro.

-How you do know it's Zorro?
-Look at my behind.

-You know something?

This Zorro is getting
to be a pain in the ass.

[xylophone sound]

-No, not
there, you idiots.

Behind the
tower, the tower.

[music]

-Chico, on
the edge.

On the edge.

[swords clang]

[thud]

-Not that far
on the edge.

[music]

-Zorro has just
robbed the tax money.

-The tax money?

-Jos�. Jos�,
he's over there.

Shoot. Shoot.
No, Jos�.

It's Raul. No.

[gunshot]

[music]

- [whistles]

[clack]

[music]

[sword fight]

-[groans]

[music]

[swords clang]

-Kill Zorro.

[music]

-Get him.

[music]

-The staircase.

[music]

-Did you
see him?

-See him? The
cowardly swine.

He attacked one of my
best men from the rear.

-Did he
hurt him?

[thud]

-Adi�s, comandante.

[music]

-Z?

-Yes, it's a Z.

I'd call you an imbecile,
but that would be a promotion.

[marching drum beat]

-Good evening, padre.

-Zorro.

-[laughs] Padre,

don't you recognize
your old student?

-Diego.

IdonT
understand.

You, Zorro?

This cannot be. I
thought you were--

Uaughs
- A fegala?

-Si.
-No, padre.

It was only
part of my disguise.

Here's part of
the tax money.

You're to return to the peons
who paid it this evening.

-This is wonderful.

The poor people
will bless you.

-Needless to say, don't crack
to anyone about my identity.

Gay Diego will
stay gay Diego,

and Zorro will rid
this town of its rats.

-I understand.

What will
you do next?

-Next, padre, I
am getting laid.

[gaSPS]

[laughs]
- Forgive me, padre,

but Zorro
tells it like it is,

and now, if
you'll excuse me.

[music]

-Maybe someday, they will
change these frustrating rules.

[music]

-67, 68, 69--

[gaSpS]
- Zorro, what are you doing here?

-Shh. There's no
cause for alarm.

-But what are
you doing here?

0h, you'll
surely be caught.

-I've come
to see you,

and don't worry
about me being caught.

No one--
[laughs]

Not even Luis or Esteban would
ever think of looking for me here.

-But what do
you want of me?

-I told you,

I've come
to see you,

so show me,

and I'll
show you.

-I-- I don't
understand.

-You will,
Maria, my love.

[music]

-You will.

[music]

[kissing]

-Oh, Zorro, you
shouldn't be doing this.

-Do you want
me to stop?

-Oh, no.
Not yet.

[moans]

[music]

-Does my
little dove like it?

-It's so--

So muscular.

-And that
isn't all.

[music]

-I've shown you.

Now you
must show me.

-Of course,
my darling.

Of course.

[music]

-But you have not
shown me your face.

Why do you still wear that mask
and those stupid stockings and garters?

-A man always wears a mask,
stockings, and garters in these movies.

-Who are
you, Zorro?

-The man with whom
you will spend the rest of your life.

-You will come again,
won't you, Zorro?

-Oh, many
times, my dear.

Many times.

[intense music]

-But I still haven't
seen your face.

-You aren't meant
to, my darling, yet.

-I fear for
your life.

When will I see
you again, my love?

-Soon, and the next
time, you'll see all of me,

but now,
I must go.

Tomorrow, I
right many wrongs

while, at
the same time,

ensuring our
future happiness.

[music]

-Zorro.

-Capitan Velazquez,
we meet again.

-What are
you doing here?

-Not that it's any of your business,
but I was merely visiting my fianc�e,

the beautiful and
no-longer-virginal Maria,

schmuck.

-No longer virginal?

Defend yourself.

-You are
good, capitan.

I will give you a rematch
tomorrow at high noon,

in the
alcalde's office.

-You bet your
ass you will.

[swish]

-You don't really think
he'll come, do you, Esteban?

-He's an
egomaniac.

[swish]

-He'll show.

-With all of our soldiers
outside, he'd be insane.

-I've given orders to
them to let him pass.

-He's mine.
-Pah, talk about egomaniacs.

-No, no, sefior.
You cannot go in.

-ButI
must go in.

I've got information for them
about this Zorro person.

-Let Don Diego
pass, Seymour.

-See? I told you they'd see me,
you silly, succulent savage, you.

Well, while you two lollygag
about this dreadful office,

that Zorro person is lurking about
in my father's hacienda.

-Latio.

-5,'--

Si, comandante?

-Zorro is at the
Vega hacienda.

Get your men and
get him this time.

-Yes, comandante.

Men, Zorro is at
the Vega hacienda.

Get him. I know I
can depend on you.

Go. All of you.

[music]

-I'm afraid
Zorro is a coward.

He wouldn't dare
face me alone again.

-He's too
smart, you fool.

He wouldn't dare coming here
with all these soldiers outside.

-But I've given
orders to let him pass.

-He doesn't know
that, you moron.

Zorro is much
too crafty for that.

He has tricked you
into sending the soldiers away.

He has kept
his appointment.

-You mean?

-Well, Don Diego,

alias Zorro,

what can
we do for you?

-You are a very
astute man, Don Luis,

and being a wise man, I
know you will do the wise thing.

-Which is?

-Resign your position,
which you are not fit to hold.

[coins clatter]

-Return all of the money which
you have stolen from the peons

and go back to Spain
with your lovely wife.

-What about
my niece, Maria.

-Yes, what
about Maria?

-Oh, Maria.

She stays
in Los Angeles.

I am going
to marry her.

-You cheeky bastard.
-Not yet, Esteban.

I haven't finished.

-You're finished
as of right now.

[music]

[gun shot]

[music]

-My sword arm.

I'll never
f-f-fight again.

-Good for
you, Esteban.

One should
make love, not war.

Now, gentlemen, we will
conclude the arrangements

to which you will
agree, I am sure.

-Yes, yes.

Anything you say.

-Uncle, Esteban,
Don Diego.

What does
this mean?

-It means, my dear, that
Don Diego is really Zorro.

-Don Diego
is Zorro?

But I don't
believe that.

Zorro is a man, and
Don Diego is only--

-Yes, my little
dove, I'm what?

-I just don't
believe it.

-Perhaps, when we have concluded
our arrangements here,

you'll let
me prove it.

-Prove it?

But how?

-Zorro knows.

[music]
-You have won, Zorro.

Helena and I shall leave
for Spain tomorrow.

-What about me?

-Too bad, kid.

That's the way
the enchilada crumbles.

-IcanT
beheveit.

[cheering and gunfire]

-And so the wrongs
have been righted.

Luis Bonasario has
sailed back to Spain,

and Esteban Velazquez is managing
a cockfighting arena in Tijuana.

I've been restored to my rightful
place as alcalde of Los Angeles.

The governor has been
so notified and approves.

[applause]

-I and all my men have been
elected the new police force.

I, Felipio Latio, am sergeant
in charge of the vice squad.

-Oh Felipio, I knew you'd
get an honest job some day.

-All this was done
by my son Diego,

also known as Zorro.

Let's bring him on with
a big hand. Here he is.

[cheering and applause]

[music]