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NOTARY, ROME

-Giovanni, my son. -What is it?

This is my savings book. Take it.

What? Your savings…

-You might need it. -Why would I?

-I know you're in trouble. -How do you know?

You're such a spendthrift!

We spend a little more than we earn. I got into debt.

Silvia doesn't know, and I don't know what to do.

-Hello, Gardinazzi! -Hi.

Come on, Giovanni. Are you asleep?

-Huh? -Wake up!

Well done, Alberti!

Hi, Rudi.

Fofò, can you lend me three million lire?

-I'll sign a three-month promissory note. -I don't have it.

All right, never mind.

You fell for it, huh?

Don't lie. You believed me.

As if I didn't know you!

Trying a joke like that on me? What a clown!

So you don't have three million?

Are you going to pawn your watch? Fatso!

I'd never deny a favor to a friend.

Never!

If I didn't have it, I'd steal it for a friend.

Then lend it to me, Fofò. I really need it.

Cut it out!

You're always joking!

Cuckold!

LA FIDES LOANS

-Is the director in? -Yes.

How much did you get?

Twenty thousand lire. I'm being evicted.

Come in, Mr. Alberti.

This way.

May I?

Good morning, Mr. Turano.

A cigarette, sir?

Thank you.

Mr. Turano.

Could you extend my deadline by a month?

-No. -No?

No!

Okay. Thank you anyway.

You're welcome.

Why are you so mean? I'm only asking for 30 days.

A serious institution won't grant extensions on principle.

You've already been privileged.

We didn't ask you for a guarantor.

Have a good day!

You're not risking anything!

I've mortgaged my house, the furniture, even the toilet!

Relax.

We gave you a line of credit that even ministers don't get.

A minister would get double or triple what I got.

That's our business.

Gabbi!

Mr. Turano, a month will fly by.

Today is Monday. You close your eyes and it's Sunday again.

A month is nothing.

-Show the next one in. -Yes.

Please understand I can't appear in the debt register.

My father-in-law is a general.

-Pay up, then. -Of course.

I already told you on the phone.

I'm setting up my own business.

My situation will change completely.

You know how much you earn in construction?

At least 50 percent. I know all the tricks of the trade.

I just need some money. But I'll find it.

Mr. Turano, look at me. Do you think I'm an idiot?

Do you think all our clients are idiots?

We've got managers, professors, prostitutes,

industrialists, thieves and a poet.

Even two priests. And you!

We treat everyone equally, democratically.

Gabbi, show him out.

No, sir, we're not treated equally.

I'm a working man and I didn't get rich being a loan-shark!

How dare you make such an offensive and absurd insinuation?

The truth is you spend twice what you earn.

Ride a bike instead of driving a car.

Smoke Italian cigarettes. Your wife can do the dishes.

You won't have any debts.

Your wife can do the dishes, she's a washerwoman.

My wife is a real lady!

-Hello, everyone. -Was that you?

My umbrella got stuck in a crack.

-Did you hurt yourself? -No.

You're always joking.

-Why were you so late? -I was busy.

You don't know what you missed!

Really? Hi, Cinzia!

Hi, Faravalli! Dronazzi!

-Gardinazzi! -Hi, Giovanni.

-Have you seen Dad? -My father?

Your father doesn't come to the races. My dad!

-Where is he? -There.

Good morning, General!

General, I'm here.

Riccardo is here.

-Hi. -Hi.

-Hi, uncle. -Hello, sweetie.

-This one rides like a god. -Who is he?

-What's wrong? Are you on edge? -Huh?

I knew it.

-Always the same story. -Do you have an umbrella?

-I always bring it. -You're so sensible.

It's raining.

What are we doing here? Let's go!

Let's go. Call Riccardo. Riccardo!

Silvia!

Hi. Where is Riccardo?

Watch out!

How are things? You're always in my prayers.

-Thanks, Dad. -See you.

The General is looking good.

-In such good shape. -Like a kid playing a soldier.

Goodbye, see you tonight.

Silvia, get under my umbrella.

Dear brother-in-law, how are you?

I couldn't find you this morning. I have a deal for you.

Why let strangers profit?

I'd rather make a relative rich.

-I'm not keen on business. -What about the boom economy?

-What about it? -Don't tell me you're against it.

Baratti and Faravalli split half a billion.

Don't say it's not much!

-Why are you telling me? -I'll get you a great deal.

If you're in, you'll thank me. Otherwise, I'll do it.

-Should I? -I don't know.

-Are you in or not? -Am I in or not?

Tell me honestly what you're looking for.

-Like a politician with a bribe. -Don't you dare…

I'm kidding.

You're a coward. You don't understand these things.

Lend me three million and I'll do the deal.

I'll give you ten percent.

-Twenty percent. -Why me?

-You want to rip me off? -What?

You've been asking for money. Promissory notes, bad checks…

-Who told you? -All of Rome knows!

But Silvia doesn't.

Riccardo…

Don't tell your sister. It would be a tragedy.

For goodness' sake.

Okay, don't worry. I'll find a solution.

What do I care? You should worry!

Riccardo, keep it to yourself!

Be nice. Don't say anything.

One night, a woman wakes up and feels a bald head beside her.

Shut up!

She says, "This isn't my husband!"

I know this one. It's so vulgar!

Yes, very.

-Go ahead! -Wait.

Giovanni, don't.

Silvia, you're a darling.

Okay, I won't.

Giovanni, no more business together.

Silvia doesn't want me to.

Doesn't he tell you jokes, Silvia?

-Never. -Too bad. He knows a few…

Come on, Giovanni.

Let's hear it.

-No. -Let me hear it too.

It's not my fault. They want to hear it.

One night, a woman wakes up and feels a bald head beside her.

"This isn't my husband!"

"My husband's got lots of hair. I'm going to scream."

But she's thoughtful and decides to check before screaming.

And so she does.

She asks, "Is it him?" She reaches down with her hand.

"Is it him or not?"

"Is it him or not?"

"Fantastic! It's not him!"

-Are you playing footsie? -Of course not.

That's what I thought.

Did you like it?

You didn't get it, you're not listening to me.

Don't you get it? It wasn't the husband!

I'll tell another one.

It was in the battle of Sedan.

Three friends meet up: Pablo, Luis and Giaco.

They decide to play a game. Pablo suggests they play golf.

What's golf?

You need three things to play golf.

A stick, a ball and a hole.

"I'll be the stick."

What's wrong?

"I'll be the ball."

The last one: "I'm not playing."

Good one! No more jokes. Where shall we go tonight?

-To Samovar. -Great!

-Where should we go? -Wherever you want.

Sir, on a darker note…

Hey, Bausetti!

Bausetti?

Who is that guy?

Bausetti. Do you know how many billions he has?

-How many? -Guess.

-One hundred. -Three hundred.

Water and concrete companies, and La Fides.

-La Fides Loans? -Mrs. Alberti, Mr. and Mrs. Bausetti.

You look younger every day.

-My dear! -And Giovanni.

-Giovanni. -Giovanni Alberti, delighted to meet you.

-A pleasure. -My respects.

Good evening.

Good evening.

There we go!

A little flower.

A little flower.

A little flower.

-Keep the change. -Thank you.

-May I? -Thank you.

-You're very kind. -You're welcome.

-Goodbye, sir. -Goodbye, dear.

Right.

Sweetheart?

Hi, Giovanni!

-Having fun? -Yes.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye.

Shall we go see the queers?

Let's go.

She's crazy, she always wild ideas.

Giovanni, what's wrong?

You're a monster. Always thinking about Silvia.

You're exaggerating.

Fancy a ride with me?

Cutie!

Honey, how about some company?

Hi!

-I was thinking… -You feel like a better person here.

It's true, the Pope is right. Peace. Help those in need.

I'd like to talk to you. Where will you be tomorrow morning?

In my office after 11. When I'm back from the building site.

It's a deal I haven't told anyone about.

It started as a joke, but it could be an incredible deal.

Some land near Camilluccia. 1000 lire per square meter.

It could be worth 20,000 overnight. Here's how.

We give seven acres to the San Maurizio monks.

They build a convent and a hospice like Cento Preti.

The City provides water, electricity, roads

and the plot's value skyrockets.

It's a wonderful deal.

-Tremendous. -But…

It's the best opportunity I've had so far this year.

I'm not interested.

I'd sign a four month promissory note for the whole amount…

Why don't you ask Baratti? You've been working together for so long.

Never mind, Faravalli.

I was hoping it would be you.

I know you are… a big cuckold.

-Bedtime. -No!

Let's see Rome from to the Janiculan Hill.

Shall we go to your place?

-Have you decided? -Let's do the twist!

-The twist! -The twist!

-Is your headache gone? -Completely.

Will you come to Castiglioncello this summer?

No, I prefer Fregene.

It's full of faggots.

They're everywhere!

-Are you playing now? -Yes, we're here.

Cinzia, we're ready.

Excuse me.

Here I come.

-Are you playing cards? -Yes.

I'm kicking you out at 2 a.m.

I have to be at the construction site tomorrow at 8 a.m.

Do you have a minute?

-Giovanni, turn off the record player. -Right away.

Giovanni, just turn it down.

Turn it down?

-Come. -You gave me terrible cards.

You could have dealt a better hand.

-Want a Boom? -What?

-The latest cocktail. -Yes, honey.

Hand me the gin.

-Good evening. -Good evening.

-Good evening. -Good evening.

I finally got rid of that clingy woman.

We really don't care.

Why don't we have some tea together tomorrow?

I can't. I have to go to the tailor, the hairdresser.

I have so much to do.

Say something, Giovanni.

-Like what? -Pour yourself a whiskey.

No, thanks. Do you want one?

Thanks. No ice.

How long have we known each other?

Four years.

Why don't you and Silvia come to Castiglioncello this summer?

We have two extra rooms in the villa.

Why not? Thanks.

Baratti, I've been working for you and your company for four years.

Four years of collaboration,

based not only on our work, but also on friendship.

And yet, I've never asked you for a favor.

Sadly, the cost of living, our needs, have increased

and I've gotten myself…

into a little debt that I must pay back urgently.

Who should I turn to for help if not a friend?

Our friendship is based on mutual esteem.

You do hold me in high esteem, don't you?

Of course.

Our wives, Silvia and Cinzia, are also very good friends,

but Silvia knows nothing of this.

She thinks she's like your wife,

except you're loaded and I don't have one lira to my name.

Besides, Silvia is a classy lady and I can't tell her

we have to give up our Christmas holidays in Cortina

and stay home playing bingo with our relatives.

I can't tell her: "You can't buy new clothes this year."

I just can't.

Unfortunately, our wives have gotten used to living in luxury.

How can I tell Silvia,

"That's it. It's over. We can't afford this life any longer."

She wouldn't understand.

So, now I'm obliged to…

ask a friend for help and say,

"My friend…"

I don't have the king.

"My friend…"

Giovanni?

Don't drink.

The seamstress told me you haven't paid her yet.

Huh?

Big bills should always be delayed.

Everybody does it. The more you delay, the less you pay.

Take inflation. How much was a steak last year?

I have no idea.

Haven't you noticed prices going up?

Oil, butter, grapefruits…

It's true. Grapefruits have gone up.

You see?

The doctor told me they're good for your health.

-Better than oranges. -Of course.

I'm so sleepy.

What a night.

The twist really kills you. Look away.

You're so beautiful.

Do you know it's almost 4 a.m.?

Why do put on all that cream?

Your skin is perfect.

Aren't you ashamed of being so beautiful?

Be serious, Giovanni. Have you booked the house in Fregene?

I'm going to.

Someone else might book it.

Relax. Don't worry.

If you lend me the car, I'll go to Fregene myself tomorrow.

Jesus, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee.

Oh, good Jesus, I will not offend Thee anymore.

With Jesus' blood and Mary's milk I hope to save my soul.

What am I going to tell her?

I'm selling the car tomorrow.

There's a buyer.

You're selling it?

Yes, I want to get a faster one.

An eight-cylinder. What do you think?

-Will you walk, in the meantime? -Are you crazy?

-I'll go by taxi. -You're crazy! By taxi?

What will people think?

Who cares! You'll see my new car.

And I'll buy a Fiat 500 for you, okay?

Thank you. It'll come in handy.

Goodnight, Giovanni.

Don't touch me with your feet or I'll jump.

They're always so cold.

-Silvia? -Yes.

Do you really love me?

What nonsense, darling. Of course I love you.

How much? Very much?

-Like the Indian women? -Why?

What do the Indian women do?

They're always close to their husbands.

In good times and bad.

And when their husbands die, they throw themselves on the fire.

And their children? Who takes care of them?

Someone must stay with them.

What if I told you, "Let's change our life!"

"Let's go and live down in Catanzaro."

I should really go to sleep now or I won't get any rest.

Why Catanzaro, anyway?

Well, life is cheaper in the South.

But we love it here.

Besides, Southern Italy…

No way!

Be nice, Giovanni. I'm dead tired.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

What's wrong with you tonight?

Nothing.

BANK BOOK

Only 220,500 lire.

It's not enough.

-What happened? -He fell 16 feet.

We're still waiting for the guardrails. Those bastards!

BAUSETTI CONSTRUCTIONS

May I? Good morning, sir.

Who's that?

Move the church to the left, or it will overshadow the building.

-Farther to the north! -Very well, Mr. Bausetti.

May I come in?

-It'll break in two years. -But it costs two percent less.

Paint it green, at least. White is so dreary.

-Like a hospital. -All right.

Come in. Have a seat.

You work for Baratti?

He introduced us last night. Don't you remember, sir?

Baratti is expanding, huh?

Expanding?

That's right.

But I'm here on my own initiative.

And?

You see,

there's a plot of land near Camilluccia.

One thousand lire per square meter. An incredible price.

-I know, 18 miles from Rome. -Exactly.

You know the place.

I have an option to buy.

I'd like to offer you the deal.

-Or a joint venture. -Who would build it?

It will cost an eye. There are no streets, water, nothing.

Here's my idea, sir.

It's 50 acres of land and we…

I'm sorry. I said "we" as if we'd already…

-Go ahead. -Yes.

We give five acres to the San Maurizio monks.

-Why? -So they can build a new convent.

I already discussed it with the supervisor, my father-in-law's friend.

The City supplies the water, builds the roads and the plumbing

and the price goes up a hundredfold!

On your feet, young man! Goodbye!

You youngsters with these ideas. You want to earn in a year

what we've earned in fifty!

I've been slaving away for 50 years!

I was 20 before I could afford pajamas. Think about it.

This boom is driving you all mad!

You have to work your way up!

I know, sir.

You are a god.

I'll treasure your advice. But you could help me.

I have a deadline, sir.

-At La Fides Loans. -What's that got to do with me?

Never heard of it. Who the hell are you?

-Carlo! -Hi.

What's wrong?

He says I've got something to do with La Fides. How dare you?

That's what I was told. I'm sorry.

That's slander! I'm not a loan-shark.

What are you looking for, Mr…?

Alberti, ma'am. We met last night.

Yes, I remember. You gave me a flower.

I remember.

He's angry because I asked him to put in a good word for me at La Fides.

-I have a deadline. I'd like to… -Excuse me!

If I gave ten lire to everyone who asks for my help,

only ten lire,

I'd become a beggar.

Now, go! I am Bausetti, not La Fides Loans.

I'm not interested in them.

Bring me those other bidets.

Tell Nardelli, the idiot!

-Annetta! -Wait.

Do you like this bidet?

It's ugly. My husband is right.

There are more modern ones, with a water jet.

He's right, you know? People keep asking for help.

I didn't ask for money. Just for a good word at La Fides.

Never mention La Fides Loans!

My husband has nothing to do with them!

Then, I'm ruined.

-This is porcelain, not maiolica. -So what?

It's too good for this purpose.

Don't despair, Mr…

Alberti. Giovanni Alberti.

Come now, Alberti. Maybe there is a way out.

Thank you, ma'am.

We should discuss it. What are you doing today?

Huh?

What are you doing today?

Nothing important.

Let's meet. Come over.

-Where to? -My house.

I'll be alone.

Via Archimede 118, at 4 p.m.

What do you say?

Nothing doing!

It's like a dream. I'll be there.

At 4 p.m.

It's settled, then. The ones with the water jet.

And the chrome faucets.

This is ugly. You heard my wife.

Yes, dear. Dolfi bidets are more elegant and modern.

Appearances matter.

So, use the Dolfis.

You heard my wife. Use the Dolfis. Make her happy.

Very well.

-They're awful. -My respects.

Rest assured that our representative Mr. Alberti's debt

will be paid in full no later than tomorrow.

Thank you. Yours sincerely…

-Remove my nose hair. -Alberti company.

And my ears, too. Have you finished?

Hurry up.

Is it my wife?

Hello, honey!

Did you want to say hi? How is Carletto?

What's wrong?

You sound sad.

Go ahead.

Say something nice.

Your husband is happy, business is good

and you sit there moping?

I can't. I have an appointment at 4 p.m.

I have to close a deal.

Where were you born?

In Rome.

My husband is from Recanati.

-Gigli's hometown? -And Leopardi's.

You're right.

He gets all worked up, but he's a good man.

Is this too bright for you?

No.

You haven't told anyone you were coming here?

No one.

Something to drink?

A coffee?

Yes, thank you.

You're a healthy man, I can tell.

Strong. Have you ever been ill?

No, never.

I liked you the moment I saw you.

I can tell you're a respectable person.

But I don't want to waste your time.

I'll get to the point.

Why should I…

Two coffees, Piero.

…beat around the bush?

I hope you will appreciate my honesty,

a token of my esteem for you.

Of course. I know.

What I'm about to tell you must remain between us.

I don't know you.

I've never seen you.

Agreed?

Agreed.

I advise you not to say anything to your wife either.

Or anyone else.

I won't tell anyone, don't worry.

I'm aware that what I'm about to ask you may come as a shock.

Would you…?

Would you sell an eye?

Don't be so shocked, for heaven's sake! You may say what you like.

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

We're sitting here like good friends. Just the two of us.

I didn't say you had to sell it. For God's sake!

You're a free man. We are no longer in the time of slavery.

-I hope I didn't offend you. -No.

Are you sure?

No.

Clearly, I made a mistake. We'll say no more about it. Forgive me.

But I would like you to understand.

I said to myself, "Who knows? This gentleman might agree."

Money is no object, you see.

I thought you could sort everything out.

Put your mind at ease.

In 1930, we had debts, too. They keep you up at night, I know.

Leave it there.

You may go.

How many sugars?

Four.

Rest assured, I've considered the pros and cons.

A bitter taste…

I've properly assessed the situation.

If we had any financial problems,

we'd choose a conventional solution.

Some people even donate their organs in their will.

They're saints! For free!

But Bausetti would never accept.

Nowadays, they've discovered they can use an ox.

-No! -Oh, yes!

An ox's cornea.

But we'd never do that. No.

We're willing to make any sacrifice, but it has to be someone we know.

Or nothing.

Thirty, forty,

fifty million.

But I want you to be honest.

I'd be delighted if you could trust me fully.

So, tell me. We're not doing this on a whim.

You know the type of responsibility my husband has.

In his line of work, he needs three eyes, not two.

He was so unlucky.

Last year, at a construction site, a squirt of quicklime…

A tiny squirt of quicklime.

Well…

-Grandma! -Hello, my darling!

Hello, darling. Grandma will be right with you.

Sorry, Mom. Sorry, sir. He's a little devil.

Come, Raimondo.

Raimondo?

Who is he?

I'm sorry, Mom. Forgive me, sir.

My son. This is Mr…

-Giovanni Alberti. -Pleasure.

Let's go.

-I should get going. -So what do you say?

-What should I say? -Think it over.

Take a one, two, three days.

No longer than that, though. We have a busy schedule.

We talked to a donor three months ago, but then he left.

He went to mine in Belgium. We might find him again.

-I'm leaving. Goodbye. -Give me a call.

This must stay between us because it's illegal.

We have a doctor, a close friend.

The best. Will you call me?

-I don't know. -How old is your son?

-Two. -Wonderful age.

Tell me, what is your political…?

I'm not interested in politics.

Very wise, Mr. Alberti!

Goddamn her!

"Would you sell an eye?"

What a bitch…

Silvia?

What happened?

Be strong, Silvia.

What's going on?

What happened, Silvia?

Don't despair. God will help you!

-Silvia! -Giovanni, we know everything!

You're in debt up to your neck!

So? It's not like it used to be. Everyone has debts nowadays.

You're ruined!

Ruined? Says who?

Everybody knew, except for the two of us.

This is so embarrassing, so painful! You're in the debt register. Look!

They'll seize our furniture.

He lied to me up until last night.

He was talking about inflation, grapefruits!

I didn't say anything because I didn't want to worry you.

I wanted to find a solution before you…

And I will!

I love you, Silvia.

You call this love?

Should we tell him everything, Dad?

Yes.

You mortgaged my house.

We're broke.

We don't even have a roof over our heads.

Lies, only lies.

Three years of lies!

It's ridiculous.

I married him because I believed in him.

Do you understand, Dad? What a fool I've been!

I told you not to give him power of attorney.

You deceived me.

"Sign here, let me take care of everything so you won't have to worry!"

You reckless fool!

No, Silvia!

Silvia.

Do you realize…

They're even talking about this at the Ministry.

Shame on you!

"Let's move South." He wanted to take me to Catanzaro.

"The Indian women." He had the nerve to joke about it.

-He's always laughing. -Always.

I told you not to quit that job at the Ministry.

It didn't pay much, but it was secure.

"I'll be this and that." I always said you don't have what it takes.

We have to find a solution now!

Silvia, try to understand.

You've had everything you wanted until now.

Now we're having some trouble. It's not the end of the world.

-We'll fix it. -How?

You're useless!

Surely, one of our friends can help us.

Right, our friends will help.

They'll help you. You just have to sleep with them.

You think I'm an idiot? You think they're our friends because of my jokes?

Go to your friends. I'll come too. We'll all play together.

You've lost everything. At least keep your manners.

I'm leaving!

Do you know where I come from?

I don't give a damn. I'm leaving!

-Then go! -Yes, I'm leaving for good.

Stay here and watch them repossess our house.

Don't come looking for me! Let's go.

Carletto!

Sir!

Hello?

Alberti speaking. Put Silvia on.

-She's sleeping. -Wake her up.

The General said no.

The General, huh?

Okay, understood.

-Hello? -Hello.

Is Mrs. Bausetti there?

This is Giovanni Alberti.

-I'll get her, hold on. -Thank you.

Hello, Alberti?

It's me, ma'am.

A, E.

N, V, F.

Upright E, E rotated left.

T, L, C, F, O, P.

Inverted E, E rotated left, upright E, E rotated right.

-Wunderbar. -Huh?

Unbelievable, Mr. Bausetti. You have an eagle eye. Beautiful.

One of the healthiest people I've ever met.

No.

Such an upstanding man, too.

Sir, would Monday be okay for you?

Monday?

Next Monday?

What?

Hey, sir!

Come on!

The sooner the better, no?

Then we can go and have dinner in Grottaferrata.

We're almost family!

I'd rather do it on a Saturday.

I could tell my wife that I have to close a deal.

I have to go to Livorno, for instance.

-I need an excuse. -That shouldn't be hard.

What do you suggest, Doctor?

It's easy to lose an eye.

A small accident. A fall can cause eye congestion.

Actually, I thought about a car accident.

You want to destroy your car?

A piece of glass from the windshield.

All right. You can say you fell asleep and hit a tree.

So there won't be any witnesses.

-Do you have insurance? -What ideas are you giving him?

Insurance companies check everything out.

Saturday the 22nd at 8 a.m., then.

Saturday?

Don't eat too much on Friday.

This goes for you too.

Please fast on Saturday morning.

Absolute fasting.

Or we'll have to postpone to another day,

which would lead to complications…

-Carlo! -What is it?

What are you doing? Stop acting like a child!

-Put that eye down! -Huh?

-What are you doing? -Not allowed?

It's nothing. Some Coramine, Rosetta.

-Carlo. -Did it shock you?

Carlo, honey, think about it.

Next week, you'll be my old Carlo again,

with his two beautiful eyes.

I'm fine now.

-Good. -Forgive me.

There's nothing to forgive. It's only human!

Annetta, come here.

Let's give them some privacy.

Sometimes he's like a child.

But you're very good-natured.

Take a seat.

Let's talk business.

So, how much?

-One billion! -What?

-But 50 is not enough. -It's better than nothing.

Come on, be serious.

Come, Carlo. We won't look at you while you say it.

We'll look the other way.

-What? -Well?

We're talking about an eye.

Personally, I would never sell a leg.

Never!

You can go wherever you like.

-Right? -Yes.

You can run from a fire.

I'm so afraid of fires.

I don't want to discuss this further.

I've made up my mind. But allow me to say…

Can I say it?

I'm a good-looking man.

But afterwards?

-I have a young and beautiful wife. -Your wife…

Does she really love him?

This is one way to find out.

But an eye is an eye!

If you look at a bottle…

That one, for instance.

Come here.

Close an eye.

You won't say, "it's a bot." You'll say, "It's a bottle."

Anyway, it's not the right eye.

Are you kidding? Right or left, it's still my eye.

You know, you can drive your car with only one eye.

Without the left one, you may have trouble overtaking.

But you can drive just fine with the right eye.

The less you overtake, the better.

Let's make it 55, Mr. Alberti.

Seventy. Don't say no, I need it.

-If you say anything else, I'm out. -You're so naughty.

We'll do as you say.

How about a ten percent down payment?

No, it's not enough. Can't we make it 20?

All right, go ahead.

We're putting our trust in you.

You might disappear.

I'm kidding. I can tell you're a real gentleman.

Cash in hand.

Good.

Checks leave a trail, you know?

We're doing it for your sake.

Selling your own body parts is illegal.

It's all or nothing.

Sign here, please. It's only a bill of exchange.

It's just a formality.

We need some kind of guarantee.

We'll give it back to you on Saturday.

Here is your savings book. I didn't need it after all.

-Why? I was glad to help. -There's no need.

I just needed some cash. Who doesn't, nowadays?

I got you a present, Mom.

-Guess what it is. -You spend too much.

You always do.

The dining room suite.

It's Chippendale. Are you happy?

And you?

I got really lucky, Mom. It couldn't have gone better.

I made an incredible deal.

I found a partner who trusts me and can't do without me.

He puts up the money, and I…

-I just work. -Really?

Of course. My life has completely changed.

Your wife should kiss the ground you walk on.

You're a good man, Giovanni.

Mom, I have something to tell you.

-I'm getting a divorce. -A divorce?

She took the baby and left. I want a divorce.

She left?

She went back to her father's.

They turned her against me. The General and his brother.

Told her I was bankrupt.

But it takes a lot more to bring me down. I've got an iron will, Mom.

They never trusted me.

Now, it's my turn to get even.

I've got a pile of money this high.

But you have to help me.

Yes, my son.

Listen carefully.

Go and tell the General I want a divorce.

But first, tell him I paid all my debts.

As if we didn't all hit hard times.

Yesterday they treated me like a doormat, you have no idea.

I love her so much, damn it!

Okay, I'll go.

I'll go.

Can you see Daddy?

Look at Daddy.

Look.

Silvia.

Giovanni?

What can I do?

They're always in such a hurry.

-General. -Let's shake hands, son.

-Peace. -Yes, but let's get away from here.

Giovanni, the Lord helped you.

-Yes, I know. -You know what your first duty is?

Come with us tonight.

-Where? -Santa Domitilla.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee,

blessed art thou among women, blessed is the fruit of they womb…

Mother of God, only you and I know the truth.

What else could I do? Now, I've given my word.

At this point, only you can help me.

See if you can get them to change their minds.

I don't know, make them die.

No, make them sick.

Scare them so they will give up.

-Giovanni! -What?

Look how happy Dad is.

He's right.

We must thank the Lord.

We can't always ask. We have to give something in return.

Right?

Of course.

I'm so happy. Are you?

Me too.

Don't you feel like a new man?

Freer? At peace?

Ouch!

Mr. Alberti, everything's ready.

Ready!

The food is ready! This way!

Eat and drink! There's plenty of everything!

All kinds of delicacies!

Turkey, lobster, caviar…

-What a spread! -At least half a million.

Did you see the other side? It's better over there.

Excuse me.

Can you see how much there is? There's plenty.

-Aren't you eating? -Don't worry about me.

-You eat. -This tastes like cod.

It's not cod, it's lobster.

-Your daddy makes you eat cod. -That's enough.

Let her stay. She knows nothing about food.

Let her stay. Educate her.

Is that caviar I see?

-Can't you keep your mouth shut? -Leave her alone.

You mess up too. If you'd lent him the money, you'd be partners.

-I don't believe in blind luck. -I believe what I see.

-Give me a break. -Idiot.

The old Volga fusilier can always smell caviar, huh?

We ate plenty in Russia. We had no bread, but lots of caviar.

How about vodka? My friends, drink vodka!

Don't worry. Mom, Dad, come here.

You see, General? Russian propaganda is all about vodka and caviar.

No need for propaganda. We are all socialists.

I'm not. I'd like to be, but I'm too rich.

You can keep your money!

-For Mom and Dad. -Here.

Are we celebrating a name day?

It's not my name day nor is it my birthday.

-Is there a new baby on the way? -For God's sake, no!

We're celebrating the pleasure of your company.

And we have an important announcement.

But there's no rush. Is there, Giovanni?

Wait a second. Come on, guys.

What a party. Are you enjoying yourself?

It's wonderful, my dear son.

Who knows how much it's going to cost you!

Here, look!

Are you serving everyone? Thank you. Cheers!

This is my big night. Don't leave anybody with an empty glass.

Have fun! Drink!

Here, darling, drink and try to forget that fatso.

Neglecting a heavenly bird like you for that piece of turkey.

He makes me sick.

Your husband is laughing too. Don't worry, he agrees.

-Olé, toro! -Olé!

-Having fun? -Like crazy!

I'm sorry. There is endless food and drink for you,

but Silvia is all mine tonight.

And you know what?

-I never fancied wife-swapping. -What are you saying?

You know why?

I would always lose out!

You're the most beautiful woman in the world.

Giovanni, why didn't you tell us?

Is this how you do things?

We've worked together for so long.

What is this Albertimpresa?

Did you tell them, Silvia?

Yes, you should have seen their faces. They couldn't believe it.

I had to show them the letterhead.

Albertimpresa, one word. With capital paid in full.

Albertimpresa, via del Vicario, 18.

I'm so happy tonight.

Isn't this what you wanted?

Yes, I'm happy. I feel so safe with you.

Well done, Giovanni. I was sure you'd make it.

We'll soon have a formidable competitor, Albertimpresa.

But you made a mistake by not revealing your plans.

Faravalli and I were ready to become your partners.

If there's a deal to be made, why should others profit?

Why? Did you want me to offer it to you?

Forgive me, Baratti.

You never let me participate in your business ventures.

And what ventures! Such speculations, you sly old fox.

And I really needed the money.

With the one percent fee I get from selling your apartments,

do you know how much I earn? 300,000 monthly lire, tops.

Yet we always went out together, we lived the same life,

we went out and had fun.

We ate together and I always paid my share.

Where did you think I got the money to live like you?

I'm saying that because, when I asked for help…

You ran a mile. You were surprised.

Silvia had a crisis as well. She ran off with her dad, right?

Stop it, Giovanni. It's all over.

Of course, my love.

I'm just saying my friends, instead of helping, told Silvia I was ruined

and that I was asking around for money. Right, Riccardo?

You snitches!

-Are you drunk? -Not at all.

Look, I can stand on one leg, until tomorrow if need be.

-Giovanni, look. -God does not exist.

No, General, he does exist. I'm saying it because he's Franciscan.

Excuse me, don't you have a wife?

You're always by yourself. Does she work at night?

It's quite humid on that balcony at night.

Why don't you wear a hat? Faravalli, give him your hat.

-Giovanni! -Give it to this bastard…

-Stop it! -What?

My friends, are you leaving?

-Silvia… -But I'm joking.

I don't amuse you anymore, my friends?

Now that I don't need anything from you anymore?

Because I'm rich, Baratti.

Now, my friends, I'm rich!

-Giovanni… -My fortune starts tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'll make the biggest deal of my life.

Won't you congratulate me?

Won't you give Albertimpresa your best wishes?

Let's drink, then. Cheers!

Let's have fun! Orchestra!

Mom?

Don't leave. It's a great party. The best is yet to come.

Look at them. Always on the sidelines.

They are the only ones who are unaware of the boom.

We've all gone crazy, but they didn't bat an eyelid.

They didn't notice anything. They're happy. They have faith in me.

Whereas you, General… Tell me the truth.

You thought I'd end up with my ass hanging out of my pants.

We're leaving. Good night.

-Goodbye. -Dronazzi, Baratti, Faravalli…

Get used to it. I'm richer than you!

-Goodbye. Forgive him. -Good night, Silvia.

Goodbye, Silvia.

Goodbye, General.

-Please excuse him. -Don't worry!

Forgive him, Dad. He really shouldn't drink.

Alcohol is really bad for him.

I get it, but he was really rude.

You're right.

They've all gone.

Silvia?

Silvia?

Silvia?

Bedtime!

Tidy everything up, then go home. It's late.

Having fun?

What are you doing? Aren't you in bed yet?

Do you know what time it is?

Don't you know I can't be in bed alone with a full moon?

You're my wife.

-Giovanni. -Can I gaze at the moon?

Haven't you done enough for tonight?

You ruined a wonderful party. You offended everyone.

Why did you do it? My poor dad was speechless.

Daddy!

Shut up, you idiot.

Don't be shy. Sit down and eat.

Have fun. Play.

Play something.

-Silvia… -Enough.

Leave. Go on.

-Go. -Ma'am, see what he's doing?

Go on, I don't need you anymore.

You're all I have, Silvia.

Why are you doing this?

You think I misbehaved tonight?

Yes, Giovanni.

No!

I treated them the way they deserved.

Not one of them was good to me.

Not even your dad. Nor you, Silvia.

But I don't care about them. I can live without them.

But I can't live without you, Silvia.

I would do anything for you, to make you happy.

And I mean anything!

What do I ask in return?

Just for your love.

You never had any reason to doubt it.

I need to know that you'll love me your whole life, Silvia.

-Of course I love you. -For how long?

If one day I should become…

Uglier?

-What? -I'll be uglier.

I will get old and ugly as well.

-What if something happens to me? -Giovanni…

Tell me to what extent I can count on you.

Nobody else in the world…

Nobody would be able to do what I am doing.

-Calm down. I don't understand. -You have to understand.

I want to be sure that I can rely on you.

If I…

How can I say this? Here.

An example.

Look.

Look at me.

Look at me. Here.

-What's that? -What?

My arm.

If I appeared like this one day, would you still love me?

Come to bed, Giovanni. You're drunk.

Come to bed.

Even without an arm?

Even without…

-I have to tell you, Silvia. -But I know.

I have to tell you.

How can I tell you, Silvia. I love you!

-I love you, Silvia. -Calm down.

I love you, my darling.

-Giovanni? -Yes?

All that stuff you've packed: the swimsuit, the speargun.

-Will you need it? -Will I need it?

Livorno is on the coast.

But you'll be so busy. Will you find the time?

I don't know. I don't want to go.

Look, you're not even wearing a tie.

What's wrong?

What's wrong? Can't you see it's spring?

Look at the sky!

Be careful. You always drive too fast when I'm not in the car.

With all the accidents happening everyday…

Dear Silvia, it's not up to us.

-When it's time… -Shut up!

Don't say such things.

Let me say goodbye to the kid.

He's sleeping. Don't wake him.

Giovanni.

I made some zabaglione with fresh eggs.

Thanks.

My God, what have you given me?

-Eggnog. -I'm not supposed to eat!

-Why? -Why?

Are you joking? You can't travel on a full stomach.

-I didn't know. -You didn't know.

They told me: "No food when you're traveling."

-"You should fast." -Stop joking.

That's the problem. You think I'm joking.

-Goodbye, have a nice trip. -Right, "have a nice trip."

Wait. Listen, Silvia.

Will you go and visit my mom today?

Sure I will.

Now that you've got it all out of your system,

bring a present for my dad, a little something.

A panforte cake. He loves them.

He'll appreciate it.

-A small panforte? -Yes.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

-Listen, Silvia. -Yes?

Put the latch on the door. And if someone knocks, don't open it.

Of course.

Goodbye, darling.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye.

-Hey! -What is it?

-I'm not leaving anymore. -You're crazy!

Think about your business and give it your all!

Goodbye.

Please, follow me.

Are you from Rome?

Yes, from Rome.

I'm not.

Please.

This way.

Good morning.

-How are you? -Fine, but…

-It's too hot. -Please.

Yes, it's too hot.

-It's too much. -Yes, too much.

You're sweating.

Morally, I'm quite strong. Physical pain scares me, though.

Come on, Tammimabumba!

In Addis Abeba, they called him Tammimabumba.

It means "man-god."

I was in charge of a thousand men. Africa's largest construction sites.

We built roads, bridges, cities. But when I see surgical instruments…

He hasn't been to the dentist in two years.

Once I had a root canal without anesthesia.

How can you be so brave?

What are you talking about? I'm shitting myself.

Come on!

No! What are you doing?

Excuse me.

-How long will it take? -Not long, ma'am.

-Where are you going? -I have to phone to my wife.

TELEPHONE

Hello, miss? 51-38-16-9.

Nine!

-Where is he? -On the phone.

-Alberti residence. Who's speaking? -Here she is.

Silvia, it's me, Giovanni.

I wanted to say hello. Send you a kiss.

Thanks, Giovanni. You're so sweet. It's good that you called.

I feel better now.

Me too.

-Silvia, are you happy? -I am, darling. What about you?

No, Silvia.

If I don't see you, I'm not happy.

Then come back soon, Giovanni.

Listen. Don't make me worry, please.

-Don't do it. -What?

Don't bathe in the sea. It's still cold and you have rheumatism.

Haven't you noticed? I didn't pack the fins.

Don't worry, I don't need fins.

Silvia, I'm going.

Okay. Goodbye, Giovanni.

I'm going.

I'm going.

Giovanni?

Daddy left the phone off the hook.

-Where to? -In here.

Prepare the anesthesia.

OPERATING ROOM

-Lie down. -What?

-Lie down. -Yes.

Tammimabumba. This is it, huh?

Are you the famous Mr. Bausetti?

-Yes. -Lucky you.

Please.

-Go ahead. -Thank you.

Anesthesia is what scares me the most. I'm afraid I'll suffocate.

Understand?

Can we address each other informally?

Alberti?

Let's address each other informally. Why not?

You want to be less formal? No problem!

Professor!

Alberti!

SCHULTZE CLINIC

-Go! -I don't have a coin. Do you?

Please, get out!

Get out! Leave me alone with this gentleman.

-What are you doing here? -I'm going up.

Would you mind stepping out for a moment, please?

Close the doors!

This is so childish! I'm disappointed in you.

Shame on you!

What do you plan to do?

Look at me!

I'll pay back the advance in monthly installments.

Where will you find the money?

I'll cash the bill of exchange right now.

-In one hour, you'll be ruined! -I'm not having my eye torn out!

Shut up! We're in an elevator! Let's not make a scandal.

Listen Alberti, this is a scam!

We have enough money to deal with anything!

So sue me. What do you want me to say?

I don't want to scam anyone. I'm scared!

I'm just scared. And you know what?

Do what you want. Sue me. I'll tell them everything.

-What do you mean? -Everything.

This is unfair.

You can't force a man to sell his eye.

Nobody forced you, Mr. Alberti.

Honestly, who forced you?

-Tell me! -I'm sorry, ma'am.

You mustn't think badly of me.

-Why did you accept? -What?

Why did you accept? Why did you take the money?

-I needed it. -Don't you need it anymore?

Sure I do. Are you kidding?

Mr. Alberti, listen to me.

Later, you can think about it and decide what you want.

Think about it. Calm down. I could be your mother.

What are you going to do?

I know your situation better than you.

Make no mistake.

Not even the baker will give you credit.

What will you do?

Write a letter to Il Messagero?

Knock on your friends' doors?

Believe me, there is no other solution for you.

You have a family. Think about your wife.

Especially about your wife.

Here, look.

To prove my trust in you, I'll give you the check right now.

There, it's yours. What more could you want?

Agreed?

Crisis averted!

All good now?

Yes.

Put these on.

Damn! Do you have five lire, by any chance?

I haven't cashed it yet.

Nice one, Alberti! That's more like you.

You're the best.

Everything's okay.

-What happened? -What is it?

Nothing. Make way, please.

Please, make way. Let them through.

-What happened? -Nothing.

He got a bit scared. It happens.

-Let's use the crosswalk. -Yes, the crosswalk.

What happened?

Stop! We're using the crosswalk.

THE END