All language subtitles for Monty Python Almost The Truth 2

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And now, a short introduction
from the producers' legal representative,

Mr Abe Appenheimer.

Hello, and welcome to this documentary

containing new and exclusive interviews

with the five surviving members
of Monty Python.

The producers wish to make it clear
that any opinions expressed herein

are those of the individuals
and hold no truth whatsoever.

Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.6

of the Broadcasting, Video, Television Act,
1989,

subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause...

..subject to clause 4.123,

no viewer or watcher
may copy, repeat, impersonate, mime,

either contextually
or noncontextually,

any material whatsoever
in any public place,

such as a street, pub, club, hotel, oil rig,
Baptist church...

Python

The documentary of Python

lt's all about Mo...o-o-o-onty Python

A no-holds-barred documentary

That's the entirely the truth...ish!

lt's the story of Python

Here comes yet another one

Similar but not quite the same
as the last one

A documentary of the team called Python

Here is a preview of some programmes
you'll see shortly on BBC Television.

A meeting was set up,
we went in to see Michael Mills,

who was the Head of Light Entertainment.

l always liked Michael,
but it was a very strange meeting,

cos everyone who went to see them
in those days wore suits.

And we only wore jeans.
Gray and l were in sports jackets,

and the other guys were being so bohemian
in black leather jackets.

And he was very nice, and he said,
''What do you want to do?''

We said, ''We want to do a funny show.''
He said...

''What's the show going to be about?''
We said, ''We don't know, really.''

He said, ''Well, now, what about film,
are you going to use a lot of film?''

We said, ''Oh, fi...

''Film. Are we going to use film?
Yeah, we'll probably use some film.''

Then he said, ''Well, is it going
to have any music in it?''

''No, no, no.''

''ls it gonna have guest stars?''
''We haven't thought about that.''

He said, ''Well,
what's it going to be called?''

''Well, we haven't got a title.''

lt was the worst interview that anyone
or any group has ever done.

Then they all go looking at each other
and saying, ''Well...''

''l'll give you 13 shows, but that's all!''

Just like... That was great.

So, odd sort of double kind of confidence
and no confidence.

Those were the good executive-free
days of the BBC.

Now, that would
only have happened at that time,

that he would take such a huge risk

on a completely unknown group.

Because l was the only one who was known
as a performer at that time

because l'd been in The Frost Report.

All the others had just done,
in quotes, ''kids' television''.

The BBC was like the RAF
in those days.

So people with pipes in the bar, saying,
''Well, time to go to the bar.

''Let's not waste time
on these programme things.''

The heads of the BBC,
the heads of different departments,

couldn't wait for five o'clock
to get to the bar and get pissed.

And they let you get on with things.

They left it to individual producers
and directors to get on with it.

They didn't read our first scripts.

We were not interfered with,
and that doesn't happen now.

The BBC, particularly now,
almost all television,

there's so many executives,
the pyramid has become inverted.

Before, it was a few people
at the top and a lot of talent.

Now it's a little bit of talent
and a lot of people sitting on top

making important decisions
about what goes or doesn't go.

Because we'd been obeying conventions
that we didn't really agree with,

for a very long period of time,

it was really like someone
opening the gate to a field full of flowers,

none of which had been picked.

And we sort of ran into the field
and it was so easy to pick them.

At the beginning of Python,

we were trying to work out
what the format was, how to do it.

l had done this one cartoon
that Terry really liked,

it was very stream of consciousness
as a way of doing it.

Milligan was doing
with his Q series...

He was breaking all the rules.
l mean, there were no rules,

except there was a structure
you could never work out.

lt was only the structure of his brain,
l think, is what it was.

l thought, ''This is really free,
what they're doing.

''They're commenting on themselves,
stepping out of character, doing anything.''

l thought that was fantastic.

l remember Terry Jones and l talking
on the phone and saying,

''Did you see Spike's show?''

Terry said, ''l thought that's
what we were going to do.''

l said, ''l know, l mean,
he's so far out ahead of the bunch.''

And that enabled us, in a sense,
you know...

What do they say? ''Dwarves
standing on the shoulders of giants.''

..to go further
than we could have without him.

Spike Milligan
was very funny on the subject,

because one day he would say,

''Those brave boys are flying the flag.''

The next day he'd say,
''Those bastards are ripping me off.''

This is a doctor sketch.
What do you want?

Doctor, do you have anything
for amnesia?

A what?

For people with bad memories,
here it is again.

Here's what, again?

Spike had done Q5 which had been
very silly, very off the wall.

Your sketch has ended
and there is a cheque in the post.

Another sketch will follow
almost immediately.

He used to do sketches
when the actor was doing the lines

a caption would come up:

''John Bluthal,
take-home pay 16 pounds, 43 pence.''

''Not weekends'' and all that,
you know.

So, subversive stuff was being done.

Terry would say,
''Let's do it like my cartoons

''where we don't need punch lines.''

Cos l'd been so aware...

Pete and Dud
were doing their series.

They'd do these brilliant sketches
great character stuff, great lines.

Then they'd have to end
with a punch line,

and it was like... damp squib.
lt wasn't really very good.

So, let's get rid of the weak bits.
Just chop them out.

And that's where
it seemed to work so well.

We'd get to a point in the sketch and think,
''lt doesn't work beyond that.''

OK. l take over at that point
and try to get us to the next thing.

And it just freed us up.

OK. All clear.

Coming up with a title for a show

is more difficult
than writing or performing a show

in the same way that coming up
with an album title

is more difficult than recording the album.

Groups are well known
for spending months

trying to come up with a decent title

after they've recorded
a perfectly good album.

And it's the same with comedy shows.

Well, the BBC
would never accept any titles we did.

Each of the first four shows
has different titles:

''Owl-stretching time.
A Horse, A Spoon and a Basin.

''Bun Wackett
Buzzard Stubble and Boot.''

My favourite one is, l think,
one of Jones's:

''You Can't Call A Show Cornflakes.''

We would get very silly
and giggle a lot

and then, in the morning, telephone
each other, shamefaced, and say,

''No. No. Forget it. Forget it.''

They referred to it as Barry Took's
Flying Circus in their contracts.

Barry Took was responsible for it.

l think Michael Palin said it should be
Gwen Dibley's Flying Circus.

Somebody in his village
was called Gwen Dibley,

and how wonderful for her
to see she had a show.

That seemed good.

Flying Circus had a nice ring to it.

Then, we just sat around
throwing names around.

l can't remember which came first,
Python or Monty.

l said Monty

because there was a chap in our pub
in Mappleborough Green called Monty,

had a little bow tie,
one of those bar types.

People said, ''Has Monty been in?''
''Has Monty come in?''

''Monty'' was clearly some shabby
talent agent on Shaftesbury Avenue.

And ''Python'' was as snaky
and slimy as you'd hope.

On this particular occasion, we giggled
and giggled and giggled,

and the next morning,
we didn't ring around,

we still liked it.

Monty Python's Flying Circus.

This was us.
Would people like us or hate us?

Were we getting the balance right?

l still remember
as Gray and Terry Jones

did that very first
of all our sketches,

which was about
the sheep who could fly.

Good afternoon.

Afternoon.

Lovely day, isn't it?

l remember Michael and l
had had a conversation

in the dressing room
just beforehand.

l said to him, ''Do you realise,
we could be the first people in history

''to do a 30-minute comedy show
to complete silence?''

He said,
''l was having the same thought.''

We just didn't know how funny it was.
We thought it was funny.

So, we really didn't know whether it was
going to work at all for anyone.

lt's my belief that these sheep

are labouring under the misapprehension
that they're birds.

Observe their behaviour.

Take for a start the sheep's tendency

to hop about the field
on their back legs.

Now witness their attempts
to fly from tree to tree.

Notice they do not so much fly
as plummet.

Those early shows
are actually very challenging.

They do drop sheep suddenly
in the middle of nowhere,

for no reason at all.

They're actually quite
situationist shows.

Some people quite close to us
obviously said, ''Very good'',

then rushed off.

There weren't that many people
who came to the bar afterwards,

and it had been quiet in the audience,
that's how l remember it.

There were stories of coach loads
of dear old pensioners,

coming and thinking it was a circus.

That clip of the little old ladies,
that's how our first audience was.

They were people who want to go and see
a nice Saturday night variety show.

l remember after the first recording
thinking it hadn't worked.

lt was only by about
show four or five,

that we started getting feedback.

That was in the form of letters
to the BBC from school kids.

There's a good measure in life
as to what is culturally important,

and that is, those shows
that divide the generations.

lf older people start tut-tutting,

and young people
are having a wonderful time,

you probably know
you've hit on something interesting.

l first discovered Monty Python
through people at my junior school

who were watching it.

Everyone else was talking about
this mad programme.

Some people had seen Monty Python
and some hadn't.

lf you hadn't seen Monty Python,

you were just completely left utterly baffled
about what was going on.

Good evening.

For my parents,

l think they didn't get Monty Python at all.

l think that they saw it
as slightly subversive,

which in many ways it was.

But l think if you're lndians
and you've gone through partition,

and you've left lndia for a better life,

and come to Britain
which ran an empire,

was head of the Commonwealth,
and everyone spoke English,

you didn't want your kid
to be influenced

by people who dress up as women.

That's not why you travelled
in the first place.

You travelled so your kid
has a good education,

and becomes a doctor, or a lawyer,
or an engineer, something like that.

Not somebody who is
quite patently a bloke,

dressed as a woman with a high voice.

- Hello, Marge!
- Hello, Janet. How are you, love?

Fancy seeing you!
How is little Ralph?

Oh, don't ask me! He's been
nothing but trouble all morning.

Stop it, Ralph! Stop it!

Same as my Kevin.
Nothing but trouble.

Leave it alone!

He's just been in
the Florentine room

and smeared tomato ketchup
all over Raphael's baby Jesus.

Put that Baroque masterpiece down!

So, l think they found
it slightly disturbing,

that l'd be sitting there going,
''This is really funny!''

And they'd be going,
''This isn't funny.

''No, no. Comedy is Dickens.
Dickens is comedy.''

l was exposed to it at a young age,

and like a form of inoculation,

the virus of it grew in me as a child.

l remember shouting at my family to come,
''The programme's coming on.

''lt's starting. Hurry up.
''You'll miss it! You'll miss it!''

You can't record it.

''Tell Dad to finish. Come down.
We have to watch it right now.''

Before l had a right to watch programmes
like that.

lt's quite sophisticated,

but as a kid you can appreciate
the silliness of it and the childishness,

''Oh, yes!'' and people dressing up.
That's all right.

- Hello, Mrs Thing.
- Hello, Mrs Entity.

How are you, then?

- Oh, l have had a morning!
- Busy?

Busy? Huh! l got up at five o'clock,
l made myself a cup of tea,

l looked out of the window,

well, by then l was so worn out,
l had to have a sit-down.

We'd talk about it, relive it and say,

''What was your favourite moment?''
Because you couldn't replay it.

What l would do, there were no VCRs,

my mum might say,
''Did you see that?''

or her sister would say,
''Did you see that programme?''

And you couldn't replay it.

They'd said to me,
''Steve, do what was on the show last night.''

So l would just be a video recorder.

l would just try to replicate
what l had seen.

l would get angry
if l saw people trying to describe

what was in the show,
and getting it wrong.

- l've been here for seven hours!
- You must be exhausted!

Have you been shopping?

- No. l've been shopping.
- That's funny.

l'm worn out.
l've been shopping for six hours.

- What have you bought, then?
- Nothing.

Nothing at all.
A complete waste of time.

Wicked, isn't it?

lt will be worse when we join
the Common Market.

That nice Mr Heath
would never allow that.

lt's funny he never married.

- He's a bachelor.
- That would explain it.

l think as the first series went on

we realised
that there were a lot of people

who were equivocal at the start

who were really beginning to get it.

l used to play football in Hyde Park,
with some team.

Every Monday...
The first week was like,

''That was a weird fucking show
you did last night.''

The second week, ''That was a really
strange show you did last night.''

Then he said, ''l like that weird show
you're doing, now.''

lt grew on people.

Years later, the one sketch,
it's one of my favourite Python sketches,

that mum suddenly
burst out laughing at,

was the Fish Slapping Dance.

And you kind of go,
the Fish Slapping Dance talks to people

across generations
and across the cultural divide.

That's what they should do,
they should parachute in

little mpegs of the Fish Slapping Dance
into war-torn areas.

lnto lraq, Afghanistan.

Palestine.

The Palestine issue
could be resolved

by a bunch of people getting together
and watching the Fish Slapping Dance.

Most of the comedy l had enjoyed,
at least it understood the rules of comedy,

you know, that you set up a joke
and there was a punch line.

This just seemed bizarre to me,

l didn't understand
what was going on.

lt was making me laugh
and l didn't understand why.

lt was completely baffling to me.
Genuinely perplexed.

What they did, with their subversion

of the typical grammar
of the comedy that preceded them,

is they overrode
the tedious white noise

of end-of-the-pier humour.

When a joke is delivered in that fashion,
it's no longer interesting.

Sometimes they were...
They can't be bothered to finish a sketch.

So they would have
Graham Chapman come on and go,

''Stop it. This is silly!''

They broke down that grammar,
the way you receive information.

So, it's not like they
couldn't think of a punch line,

it was just that it was boring!

Yes, you know, it's a man's life
in England's mountains green.

Right, l heard that.
l'm going to stop this sketch now.

lf there's any more of this,
l'll stop the whole programme.

lt was supposed to be about teeth.

Do something about teeth. Go on.

What about my rustic monologue?

l'm not sleeping
with that producer again.

What they did,
like all true innovative geniuses,

is that they ignore the predilections of their
immediate antecedents,

like, comedy doesn't
have to be like that,

it doesn't have to be
so prescriptive and formulaic.

Now, where does it go?

lt's... No, no.

Bloody hell.

There hadn't been a comedy show
that had wonderful animation,

not to that extent,

so you knew straight away you were
watching something different.

lt wasn't going to be quite
the sort of thing you'd seen before.

Terry's animation
was hugely important to Python,

because just the animation itself
was so well executed.

lt just seemed to get the timing right,
the humour was right,

this kind of absurdity,
the surrealism of it was all right.

What he was doing was extraordinary.
He didn't know what he was doing,

but his collaging of art
made a whole new art form.

lt also sort of, you know,
plastered over a lot of cracks in shows,

where sketches didn't end
in the right place or, you know,

didn't even have an ending.

For he's a jolly good fellow

Which nobody can deny...

lt's no good, Spider,
you can't escape that easily.

We're coming in after you.

He would explore
his own subconscious.

There was always something
and he was always going into stomachs.

All right, we'll check the spleen.

So much of the show is still basic,
just traditional sketch format,

but by breaking it up as we did,
it seemed to be new, l think,

it seemed to be fresh
and it also avoided embarrassing bits.

lt can go from one sketch
into another sketch,

and it doesn't feel like
this is a new sketch.

You kind of just accept,
you just go along with the ride.

l think it in some ways encapsulated
how the world was changing.

Up until then, Spam had seemed
like a perfectly normal,

wholesome sort of food substance.

- What you got, then?
- Well, there's egg and bacon.

Egg, sausage and bacon.

Egg and Spam.

Egg, bacon and Spam.

Egg, bacon, sausage and Spam.

Spam, bacon, sausage and Spam.

Spam eggs, Spam Spam,
bacon and Spam.

Spam, Spam, Spam egg and Spam.

Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam, Spam, Spam,

baked beans, Spam,
Spam, Spam and Spam.

Or lobster thermidor aux crevettes
with a mornay sauce,

garnished with truffle pate, brandy
and fried egg on top and Spam.

The Spam sketch
was actually something l wrote, really.

Have you got anything
without Spam in it?

Well, Spam egg, sausage and Spam
has not got much Spam in it.

l don't want any Spam.

Why can't she have egg,
bacon, Spam and sausage?

That's got Spam in it.

Not as much as Spam, egg,
sausage and Spam.

Look, could l have egg, bacon,
Spam and sausage without the Spam?

lt's like one of those moments
when you write something,

and, you know, is this funny?

l remember reading it to Mike
and Mike saying,

''lt's all right. lt's quite funny.''

Then l think we put in bits about
the Vikings and things like that.

l wanted to put those in.

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam,
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam

Lovely Spam, wonderful Spam!

Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up!
Shut up!

We read it out.
l think Mike read it out in the group session,

and John and Graham said that
they'd take it away and rework it.

And so John and Graham rewrote it,

and Mike and l felt
they'd missed the point.

l don't know what it was,
they'd missed the rhythm,

the whole thing is a rhythm joke.

lt's just like, it's just rhythms.

And so, we absolutely,
without saying anything to them,

we just substituted our original sketch
in the final shooting script.

And that's what we did.

l don't like Spam!

Don't make a fuss, dear.
l'll have your Spam. l love it.

With the Pythons,
there is a lot of satirical stuff,

but there is a thing
about a curse on all your houses.

lt doesn't shut anyone out.
lt's very inclusive.

lf you get it, it doesn't really matter
where you've come from.

lt doesn't matter
what kind of day you've had,

your ethnic background, your age,
or anything like that.

They would take the piss out of
a working-class guy.

You know, the Gumby...

l would put a tax on all people

who stand in water.

..and an upper-class guy...

l would tax the nude in my bed.

No. Not tax.

What is the word?

..and, you know, women in the hairdressers
and God knows what.

You know, so everybody was fair game.

That's the great thing
about absurd and surreal comedy,

is that, even a lot of Python stuff
is based on word play,

a lot of it is based on literary references
and stuff like that.

lt's still absurd.

l suddenly felt that
l kind of understood this world.

But, also, then it became
a sort of currency within which

you connected with other people,
because other people got it, as well.

That became your community.

You didn't define
your community by your ethnicity,

or by where you lived.

Suddenly, there was
a comedy ethnicity,

which was much more interesting.

lt also made you feel a bit superior,
because you got all the references.

You knew who Proust was.

And then you got beaten up by the kids
who didn't know who Proust was.

Proust in his first book
wrote about, wrote about

Proust in his first book wrote about,
he wrote about

Proust in his first book,
he wrote about, he wrote about

He wrote about, he wrote about,
he wrote about, he wrote about

He wrote about, he wrote about

lt's a typical Python thing.

lt pretends to be intellectual, but isn't.
Nobody's fucking read Proust!

But a Summarize Proust competition
sounds very intellectual.

lt isn't, because nobody's read
the fucking stuff.

Well, ladies and gentlemen.

l don't think any of our contestants
this evening have succeeded

in encapsulating the intricacies
of Proust's masterwork,

so l'm going to award
the first prize this evening

to the girl with the biggest tits.

What l loved about Monty Python
is they would not compromise.

And l would hear sketches
and laugh at things,

and it's only... as a child,

and l wouldn't understand
these references often.

There's stuff that l know,
that l only know because of like,

because l would have seen it in...

l wouldn't have known
that Beethoven was deaf

but for a Morrissey album
and a Monty Python sketch.

l didn't know who Reginald Maudling was,
you know. A forgotten politician.

A lot of my education,

and this is important
if you've been state educated,

is received by proxy from programmes
like Python and Blackadder.

That's where l learned
what those things mean.

La Fontaine, l mean, l didn't know,
l had no idea what that meant,

but these were funny words
that Monty Python used,

so it kind of worked in a rhythmic way.

There's was nothing supercilious
or haughty about...

''Oh, God, we know
who Wittgenstein is.''

lt's like, there's Wittgenstein's mum
and look at his tits.

Like, sort of, it was never overtly...

like you don't notice
that you're learning stuff.

And that's how education should work.

ln retrospect,
had l said to my parents at any point

while they were saying,
''Turn this rubbish off.

''Why are you watching these people?
lt's a man.

''lt's patently a man
and he's dressed as a woman.''

lf l'd said, ''He went to Oxford.''
They'd go, ''Really? lt's very good.

''Be like him.
Why don't you wear a dress?''

As you get older,

you start to see traces of the fact
that they are highly educated men

with brilliant vocabularies
and dangerous, subversive ideas.

All the Pythons
are essentially middle class.

They are the sons
of professional people.

And what their revolt is, really,

is against their parents
and their generation.

l don't think anybody really took
Flying Circus to be as filthy

and as subversive as it is,
because it's so silly

that you don't view it
as being politically incendiary

or anything like that, but it is.

l never thought of Pythons as being
politically ''on the nose''.

Their genius was that they
were wonderfully subversive.

Subversive in the sense
that they would allow their imaginations,

and impulses to take them places
where we hadn't been before.

Don't say the kid's name, Vic.

Francesco Luigi...

We was too late.
The Reverend Nuke saw the light.

They are anti-Establishment because,
of course,

the architects
they're always sending up,

the programme planners
they're always sending up,

the accountants
they've always got it in for.

All those people represented
the kind of deferential society

into which they'd been
introduced by their parents.

Of course, that is finally political.

They've nailed the foibles
and the characters in English society.

lt was a sociological triumph, really.

Oh, l've had such a morning
in the High Court.

l could stamp my little feet
the way those QCs carry on.

Don't l know it, love.

Objection here and objection there,

and that nice policeman
gave his evidence so well.

Beautiful speaking voice.

After a bit, all l could do
was bang my little gavel.

- You what, love?
- l banged me gavel.

l did me ''silence in court'' bit.

Ooh, if looks could kill,

that prosecuting council
would be in for thirty years.

They were anti-Establishment,
but not, l mean...

A lot of the jokes were, again,

this thing about becoming
a little bit more,

not abstract,
but the sort of madness of it.

Come in.

- What do you want?
- l'd like to leave the army, please, sir.

Good heavens, man. Why?

- lt's dangerous.
- What?

- There are people with guns.
- What?

Real guns, sir. Not toy ones, sir,
proper ones, sir. They've all got 'em.

All of 'em, sir.
And some of 'em have got tanks.

Watkins, they are on our side.

And grenades, sir,
and machine guns, sir.

So, l'd like to leave, sir,
before l get killed, please.

You've only been in the army a day.

l know, sir, but people get killed.

Properly dead, sir.
No barley crossed fingers, sir.

A bloke was telling me if you're
in the army and there's a war,

you have to go and fight.

That's true.

Well, l mean, blimey, l mean, if it was
a big war somebody could be hurt.

Watkins, why did you join the army?

For the water-skiing
and for the travel, sir.

You could say things that ordinarily
you wouldn't be able to say,

by having this comic licence,
things that would be unacceptable

if it weren't for the fact that
you were making people laugh.

lt was your ''get out of jail free'' card.

Miss Rita Fairbanks,

you organised this reconstruction
of the Battle of Pearl Harbor. Why?

Well, we've always been extremely
interested in modern drama.

We were, of course,
the first townswomen's guild

to perform Camp On Blood lsland

and last year, of course, we did
an extremely popular re-enactment

of Nazi war atrocities.

So, this year we thought we'd like
to do something in a lighter vein.

l think that Pythons were probably
a little unsophisticated,

so far as the fair sex was concerned.

And, l don't think that we
would have felt very comfortable

writing anything that approached
a genuine love scene.

l think... ''Ooh, dear.
We're English, after all.''

''This isn't emotion, this is sentiment,

''and, therefore, to be despised.''

So, what we wrote
was caricatured stuff,

and, most of the time,

it was the sort of stuff you saw
when you went to a pantomime.

Well, l can see
you're all ready to go,

l'll wish you good luck
in your latest venture.

Thank you very much, young man.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the World of History is proud to present

the premiere
of the Batley Townswomen's Guild

re-enactment of
the Battle of Pearl Harbor.

And if we wrote something
that was about sex,

like the marriage guidance counsellor,

then we brought in Carol Cleveland
who was genuinely sexy.

But, most of the time,
we stayed away from those areas.

Are you the marriage guidance counsellor?

- Yes. Good morning.
- Morning, sir.

And good morning to you, madam.

Name?

Mr and Mrs Arthur Pewtey.

Pewtey.

And what is the name
of your ravishing wife?

Wait. Don't tell me.

lt's something to do with moonlight.
lt goes with her eyes.

lt's soft and gentle,
warm and yielding,

deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened
like a tiny white rabbit.

lt's Deirdre.

lt was the producer/director
at the time

who took me on to be in only five...

that's all l was meant to be in,
five episodes.

And, by the time we got to the second
or third episode,

the guys decided they liked me a lot.

They thought l fitted in beautifully
and they put their foot down.

l wasn't going to be
in any more episodes.

But they put their big Python foot down
and said,

''No. We want Carol.
We're not having anybody else.''

So, thanks, guys.

Tonight, l want to examine
the whole question

of 18th-century social legislation...

..its relevance
to the hierarchical structure

of post-Renaissance society...

..and its impact on the future
of parochial organisation

in an expanding agrarian economy.

She just was so good
at doing what she did.

And l can never work out
how she does it, but...

Cos everybody could be
so bizarre and strange,

and she would just float
right through it with...

lntegrity's a funny word for Carol,
but there it is.

There's something that's
so solid and she...

There were other girls in the show,
but they never got it right.

They never seemed to get the way
of performing right, and she got it.

To put England's social legislation
in a European context,

is Professor Gert Van Der Whoops
of the Rijksmuseum in the Hague.

She always saw the irony of it.
There was always an extra twist.

She knew what she was sending up
and how she was sending it up.

So, she would play the dumb blonde,
but she was no dumb blonde.

Part of the reason l watched Python,

this is terrible as a comedy fan,

but l watched it for Carol Cleveland
possibly getting her tits out.

You had a good shot at seeing a pair of tits,
even cartoon tits.

They had that woman. Carol Cleveland?
l remember she was sort of sexy.

But no, l was in it
for the songs and the voices.

Cos my interest in it
predated my interest in breasts.

That must be hard for you to imagine.

You find, if you ask all these kids,

the reason they were watching
is cos they had bare breasts on that show.

Sometimes real, even.

A good 40 per cent of why l watched it
was because it was naughty,

and there might be boobs,
which is terrible, really.

What's my favourite sketch?

That's the hardest question
you could ever ask a Python fan.

Favourite Monty Python sketch...

- Man!
- Monty Python.

l'd have to think.

God, that's tricky.

lf l had a favourite sketch...

What would that be?

l'd have a top ten.

The Mr Hilter sketch.

The fact that Hitler got away
and is living in Minehead.

And, over here, is Mr Hilter.

Good afternoon.

Planning a little excursion,
Mr Hilter?

Ja. Ja. We make a little...

- Hike.
- Hiking.

We make a little hike for Bideford.

Oh, well, you'll be wanting
the A39 there.

No. No. You've got the wrong map there.
This is Stalingrad.

You want the llfracombe
and Barnstaple section.

Reginald.
You have the wrong map here,

you silly old leg-before-wicket
English person.

l'm sorry. Sorry, mein Fuhrer,
l did not...

Mein dickie old chum.

Lucky Mr Johnson
pointed that out, eh?

You wouldn't have had much fun
in Stalingrad.

lf you say, ''Pick one
and put it in the time capsule''

it would have to be the Parrot.

''l wish to register a complaint.''

You know, l mean,
we've all met them, haven't we?

Hello.
l wish to register a complaint.

Hello, Miss.

What you mean ''Miss''?

Oh, l'm sorry. l have a cold.
l wish to make a complaint.

- We're closing for lunch.
- Never mind that.

l wish to complain about this parrot
what l purchased

not half an hour ago
from this very boutique.

The Norwegian Blue.
What's wrong with it?

l'll tell you what's wrong.
lt's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

That humour of deniability
and just the stubbornness,

the way Palin plays it,
it's just fantastic, fantastic.

No. No. lt's resting. Look.

Look, my lad. l know a dead parrot when
l see one and l'm looking at one right now.

- No. lt's not dead. lt's resting.
- Resting?

Yeah. Remarkable bird, the
Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage, innit?

The plumage don't enter into it.
lt's stone dead.

No. No. lt's resting.

All right, then.

lf it's resting l'll wake it up.

Hello, Polly.

l've got a nice cuttlefish for you
when you wake up, Polly Parrot.

- There, it moved.
- No, it didn't.

Just after l married Connie,
beginning of '68,

we did a show called
How To lrritate People,

and we wrote a sketch
about a second-hand car salesman

that was quite cliche, but it was based
on a guy called Mr Gibbins,

who Michael Palin
used to buy cars from.

Michael would ring him up
and say the gearbox is sticky.

Mr Gibbins would say,
''A quality car.

''You always get a sticky gearbox
inside of a quality car.''

A completely slippery person.

We wrote a second-hand car sketch
and then, years later,

looked at it and l said,
''There's something about this l like.''

And we decided that the thing
was to change into an animal.

We had a bit of a discussion
about if it was a dog or a parrot.

ln the end, we just thought
the parrot was funnier.

Look, my lad.
l've had just about enough of this.

That parrot is definitely deceased.

And when l bought it
not half an hour ago,

you assured me that its lack of movement
was due to it being tired

and shagged out after a long squawk.

Gray and l used to write
out of the thesaurus all the time.

lf we couldn't think of something, l'd flip
through the thesaurus and shout out words.

Plummet.

Cardigan.

And, sometimes, we would go...
And we'd be off.

Most the time, of course.

And, so, l just looked up ''Dead'',

and there was this extraordinary,
wonderful list of synonyms for dead

and we started to write it.

This parrot is no more.

lt has ceased to be.

lt's expired and gone to meet its maker.

This is a late parrot.

One of the sketches where
l remember being really amused,

and thinking, ''Wow, this was really cheeky'',

is the one where there appears to be
a TV game show,

centred around blackmail.

Hello, good evening
and welcome to Blackmail.

To start tonight's programme,
we go north to Preston in Lancashire,

and Mrs Betty Teal.

Hello, Mrs Teal.

Now, this is for 15 pounds,

and it's to stop us revealing
the name of your lover in Bolton.

They show some footage
of two people having an affair,

shot on a grainy camera
through a window,

and say if you don't call soon

and donate money,
then we'll show the rest of it.

Hello, sir. Hello. Yes.

No, sir. l'm sure you didn't.
lt's all right, sir.

We don't morally censure,
we just want the money.

l just remember that being
really amazing to me,

because l'd never seen anyone
explode the conventions of TV before.

l thought that was...
l mean, even though l came to it late,

l'd never really seen someone
mocking television before.

That just seemed really outrageous to me.
Really naughty, you know.

And kind of saucy and quite adult.

l remember that seeming
quite exciting in a way.

Not at all, sir. Thank you.

The eruption of the lnquisition
into the room

and the torture by a comfy armchair,
that still makes me laugh.

l love that.

So, you think you are strong
because you can survive the soft cushions?

Well, we shall see.

Biggles! Put her in the comfy chair.

Now...

You will stay in the comfy chair
until lunch time,

with only a cup of coffee at eleven.

- ls that really all it is?
- Yes, lord.

l see.

l suppose we make it worse
by shouting a lot?

Confess, woman.

Confess.

Confess. Confess.

Confess!

l confess!

Not you.

l like the one where he goes in...

lsn't it he goes into a shop
and it's all about being a spy?

Wasn't there one where
it's all supposed to be passwords

and the guy has no idea
what he's talking about?

l hear the gooseberries
are doing well this year.

And so are the mangoes.

l'm sorry?

Oh, l was just saying,
thinking of the weather,

l hear the gooseberries
are doing well this year,

and so are the mangoes.

- Mine aren't.
- Go on.

- What?
- Go on. Mine aren't but...

What?

You say, mine aren't, but the big cheese
gets his at low tide tonight.

No.

Oh. Ah, good morning.

Wait.

And it's all code words and there's people
with, l don't know,

it's probably Cleese
in a sort of trench coat,

and everyone's looking like a spy
and he's not.

How much do you know? Are you
from the British Dental Association?

- l'm a tobacconist.
- Get away from that door.

- l'll go over the other...
- Stay where you are.

- You'll never leave this bookshop alive.
- Why not?

You know too much, my dental friend.

- l don't know anything.
- Come clean. You're a dentist.

No. l'm a tobacconist.

A tobacconist who just happens to be
buying a book on teeth.

My favourite sketch is a strange one.

lt's the one where Graham and John
are watching television

and there's a penguin
on top of the TV.

Funny that penguin being there, innit?

What's it doing there?

- Standing.
- l can see that.

lt's brilliant, because for the level of hilarity
they were getting across

they were very good at not laughing.

Penguins don't come from next door,
they come from the Antarctic.

But, in that one sketch,
l think Graham Chapman shouts...

Burma.

..and then has to turn away.

- Why did you say Burma?
- l panicked.

And l just remember watching it
as a 15-year-old kid,

just loving the fact that they found it funny
and they were enjoying it.

And seeing them having
such enormous fun,

just dressing up as old women
and being utterly batty.

- Lions don't moult.
- No, but penguins do.

There, l run rings round you logically.

Oh, intercourse the penguin.

lt's just gone eight o'clock

and time for the penguin
on top of your television set to explode.

l really like that one where
Graham Chapman goes into a shop.

He goes, ''Oh, hello, Mr Luxury Yacht.''

And he says,
''Oh, no, it's spelt Luxury Yacht,

''but it's pronounced
'Throatwobbler Mangrove'.''

l have with me in the studio tonight,

one of the country's leading skin specialists,
Raymond Luxury Yacht.

That's not my name.

l'm sorry. Raymond Luxury Yacht.

No, no, no.
lt's spelt ''Raymond Luxury Yacht'',

but it's pronounced
''Throatwobbler Mangrove''.

The joy of ''Fucking hell,
that sounds amazing.

'''Throatwobbler Mangrove',
what does that mean?

''What could that ever mean?
And it's spelt Luxury Yacht.''

l like that.

You're a very silly man
and l'm not going to interview you.

- Anti-Semitism.
- Not at all.

lt's not even a proper nose.
lt's polystyrene.

- Give me my nose back.
- You can collect it at reception.

- l want to be on television.
- You can't.

There is a such a thing
as a classical sketch.

The other one is the slapstick one
with the custard tarts.

First, the simple,
straightforward offensive deposit.

Second...

Second, the simple sideways
offensive deposit.

Next, the simple surprise deposit.

l remember them first doing that
up at Edinburgh, l guess,

and it had me rolling in the aisles.

And it still does.

l remember in the Piranha brothers
where he goes,

''They called a week later,
said l bought one of their fruit machines,

''and will l pay for it?''

How much did they want?

''Three-quarters of a million pounds.''

Why didn't you call for the police?

''The bloke with the thermonuclear device
was the chief constable for the area.''

Anyway, a week later they come back,

said the cheque had bounced
and that l had to see Doug.

''Doug.'' He pours a glass of water.

''l was terrified.''

Everyone was terrified of Doug.

''l've seen men pull their heads off
rather than see Doug.''

Even Dinsdale was frightened of Doug.

What did he do?

''He used sarcasm.

''He knew all the tricks.''

- Dramatic irony.
- ''Metaphor, bathos.''

Puns, parody, litotes.

- ''Hyperbole.''
- And satire.

''He was vicious.''

That sums up what they did.

Good afternoon,
and welcome to Hurlingham Park.

You join us just as the competitors
are running out onto the field,

on this lovely
winter's afternoon here,

with the going firm underfoot
and very little sign of rain.

l would probably have to go for
Upper-Class Twit of the Year,

because it was so...accurate.

Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith
has O level in kennel hygiene.

Simon Zinc-Trumpet-Harris,
married to a very attractive table lamp.

lt was good that they poked fun at,

you know, the sort of the upper classes,
the Establishment.

Gervais Brook-Hamster.
He's in the Guards

and his father uses him
as a wastepaper basket.

And finally Oliver St John Mollusc,
Harrow and the Guards,

thought by many to be this year's
outstanding Twit.

That was less sketch,
more documentary.

l've met people like that.

And now they're coming into
their first test, the straight line.

They've got to walk along this straight line
without falling over.

And Oliver's over at the back there.

Simon's coming through quite fast
on the outside.

Simon and Nigel,
both coming very fast.

No, there's Nigel,
l'm sorry, and on the outside

there's Gervais, just out of shot...

lf you had to pick one,

and go, ''This explains
the ethos of what they're about,''

l would go with that,
Upper-Class Twit of the Year.

Three layers of matchboxes to clear,
and Simon's over!

Vivian's over beautifully.

A jump of a lifetime.
lf only his father could understand.

Here's Nigel...
No, and Gervais is over.

Nigel's... Nigel...

The Lumberjack Song
is a wonderful theme...

lt's great,
some of the live performances.

- How would you like it?
- Short back and sides, please.

- How do you do that?
- Ordinary short back and sides.

lt's not a razor cut.

Razor, razor, razor...
cut, blood, spurt, artery, murder!

The Lumberjack Song
totally came out of a sketch

that we were writing
about a barbershop,

and we just couldn't
think how to end it.

l'm going to cut your hair, sir.

l'm going to start
cutting your hair, sir.

Start cutting. Now.

Nice day, sir?

Yes, the flowers could do
with a drop of rain though.

You see the match last night, sir?

Yeah, good game l thought.

l thought Hurst played well, sir.

- l beg your pardon?
- l thought Hurst played well, sir.

Oh, yes, only one who did though.

- Put your head down a little.
- Oh, sorry.

l prefer to watch Palace nowadays.

Oh, sorry, was that your ear?

No, no, didn't feel a thing.
What's going on?

And l think l said, after you know,
we were absolutely stuck,

it was the end of the day and we really
wanted to go and have a beer,

and l said
''Why don't we just end with a song?''

You know, that's how they
used to end Music Hall routines,

if they couldn't get an ending,
they'd end with a song.

l didn't want to be a barber anyway.

l wanted to be a lumberjack.

Leaping from tree to tree

as they float down the mighty rivers
of British Columbia.

The giant redwood, the larch,

the fir, the mighty Scots pine.

The smell of fresh-cut timber.

The crash of mighty trees.
With my best girlie by my side.

We'd sing, sing, sing.

l'm a lumberjack and l'm OK

l sleep all night, l work all day

He's a lumberjack and he's OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day

And then l have blank,
l cannot remember,

l don't know whether Mike can,
how we came up with a lumberjack,

but it was written
in about 20 minutes.

He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
he goes to the lavatory

On Wednesdays he goes shopping
and has buttered scones for tea

l think we then rang up the group

who organised the music
on the Python shows,

and hummed the tune to him
and he set it to music.

Then we had a beer.

l cut down trees, l skip and jump,
l like to press wild flowers

l put on women's clothing
and hang around in bars

He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
he likes to press wild flowers

He puts on women's clothing
and hangs around in bars

l like how they, the chorus,
gradually become disgruntled and reject it.

They're going along with it,
like that, that's what l like,

''What? No! We've been cajoled
into agreeing with a lifestyle

''that we would condemn.

''This isn't
what a lumberjack's about.''

l cut down trees, l wear high heels,
suspenders and a bra

l wish l'd been a girlie,
just like my dear mama

Oh, Bevis!

And l thought you were so rugged!

''Dear Sir, l wish to complain
in the strongest possible terms

''about the song which
you have just broadcast,

''about the lumberjack
who wears women's clothes.

''Many of my best friends are lumberjacks
and only a few of them are transvestites.

''Yours faithfully, Brigadier
Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs).

''PS, l have never kissed the editor
of the Radio Times.''

lf you're an anarchic
but intelligent bunch of people,

you're going to run into trouble
with the authorities,

particularly since
sending up the authorities

is one of the routes of your humour.

One of the authorities they ran
into difficulties with immediately

was the BBC, the very people
who were putting them on.

We were quite grumpy, l suppose,
with the BBC.

We appreciated
being able to do the show,

but everything else
had been closed in fairly tightly.

l remember Terry Gilliam,
they paid him so little

that he couldn't afford an assistant,

so he had to do absolutely
everything himself.

This was one of the early
points of contention,

because he was doing great stuff
but no one was acknowledging it.

Panorama will be returning
introduced as usual by Tony Jacklin

and Lulu will be tackling
the Old Man of Hoy.

For those of you who prefer drama,
there's sport.

Early battles were to do
with scheduling...

The show went out late anyway.

There was a feeling in the BBC

that young people
should not see this show.

We didn't mind so much,
we accepted that,

but then it would be
taken off for three weeks.

You don't mind being bumped on
for something important

or an outbreak of World War Three,
but Crufts Dog Show, give me a break.

They would change the time,
pull us off, all of those things.

You can be mucked about by schedules
but you've got to get used to that,

you've got to produce a programme
that people want on.

Python was establishing itself
as a sort of cult show,

and only later did we kind of realise

how many people at university
were sort of cramming in...

Whatever, you know, time it was on,
they would sit and watch this show,

you had to watch it.

The fact that some weeks it wasn't there,
other weeks a different time,

that was testing your loyalty
to the programme.

So, l think we built up a lot of people

who were jolly well going to see Python
whatever the BBC did with it.