All language subtitles for Gordon Gino And Fred Road Trip S04E02 Fiesta Forever 720p WEB-DL HEVC x265 BONE

GINO: Five minutes it takes to do.
Gordon, Gino, and Fred as a team...

ARTIST: Sit down, relax.
..we are doing this together.

I've always wanted to this.
GORDON: Seriously?

Oh, very, very big.
He's got a big head, yeah.

A big head.
Nice to meet you, too, yes.

Can you make me like, er,
nice for my wife?

And, er, do you want anything done?
No, no, just in case.

We can smooth things up, anything...
We can tight you up.

Can you get the French conk in?

The big, grand nez.
It's like a pelican.

Finished?
Finished.

Finished.
Oh, can we see?

All right.
Right.

Ah, look at me!

But look how camp you look, Gordon.
He's got the quiff right.

Look at this.
Look at that, Johnny Bravo.

I look like a cross between
Donald Trump and a fat Jamie Oliver.

And you look like
a thin Wayne Rooney.

I mean, what the BLEEP is that?

Oh, guys, this is awesome.
This is brilliant.

I thought you were gonna
help me out a little bit, no?

'Gino D'Acampo...'
Welcome to Spain!

'..Fred Sirieix and I...'
What are you doing, Gordon?

FRED SCREAMS
Don't push me!

'..are on a Spanish spectacular.'

'Three amigos...'
Cheers!

'..with extra-large egos...'
Yes! Yes!

'..back behind the wheel...'
Gordon!

'..on the wrong side of the road.'
We are on the pebble!

'Having travelled the globe
with our world-class palates...'

The tapas is incredible.
Mama mia.

'..this is
a European culinary capital

'we're yet to traverse as a trio.'

I feel like Super Mario.
Go!

'With the crazy Italian...'
Whoo!

'..who's a one-man fiesta...'
No, no, no.

'..and a frolicking Frenchman
I wish would siesta...'

Chica!

'..one thing's for sure...'
Gino, no!

'..these senores...'
You idiot!

'..are sure to be a massive...'

What the...?
'..Spain in the arse.'

You're burning the RV down, kiddo!

ALL: Yay!

Gents, we've made it
to the north-west of Spain,

to beautiful Galicia.

This is a region like no other.

The coastlines
stretch for over 900 miles.

It's rugged. It's sort of furious.
It's... It's wild.

The Galician style
never really gets a look in.

Everyone talks about tapas
in Barcelona

and the richness in Madrid,

but no-one
really understands the sort of...

the gems that are unearthed
on this beautiful, rugged coastline.

Both of you are gonna be blown away
with the local food.

This is one of the most unique parts
of Spain,

and it's known for its Celtic roots.

Celtic, er, roots?
Celtic roots.

Yeah, there was a Celtic tribe,
the Galician.

They came here about a thousand
years ago, and they settled here.

So the cuisine must be
very different here

from where we've been so far.

But they still do tapas here?
Yeah, of course.

'So far, we've eaten our way
through the Costa del Sol.

'Now we're off to the north-west,

'to discover the secret
culinary capital of Celtic Spain.

'First, it's a trip
to the coastal village of Cambados

'to get our hands on
some stunning shellfish

'and serve up a seafood feast,

'before heading inland
to learn the heroics required

'to make wine in the Ribeira Sacra,

'with our culinary pilgrimage ending

'in the cathedral city
of Santiago de Compostela.'

# Hey, everybody, gather round
Yeah, yeah, yeah

# Do the clam, do the clam

# Dig right in and do the clam
Clam... #

'We've arrived in Cambados,

'and I'm taking the guys
to join a masterclass

'in harvesting
the Almeja Rubia Gallega.'

Oop.
Oh, cor, dudo. What's happening?

MARISCADORES: Hola!
Hola!

Hello, clam ladies!

Bonjour! Hola!

'We're going to be working

'with a brigade of 200 women
called mariscadores,

'headed up by Melissa

'who has been clam hunting
for over a decade.'

Up, up, up, up and away!

# Sisters are doing it
For themselves... #

Shit, they're going in the water.

I'm not going that far.
You are.

# Standin' on their own two feet

# And ringing their own bells... #

'This practice has been handed down
through the local women

'from generation to generation.'

How far out are we going?
Oi, I'm already tired.

'Historically, the women
of the region were left behind

'while the men went fishing.

'Farming clams was a way for them
to supplement their own income

'while juggling the demands
of home and family.'

Melissa, are there lots of ladies
wanting to do this?

'The body of water surrounding
the San Tome tower at Cambados

'empties completely at low tide,

'allowing a small window
of opportunity

'for the shell fishers to get their
hands on what many chefs believe

'is the best seafood in the world.'

Look!
Look at that.

'The women use basket rakes
to sift through the sand and sea

'to get the best clams

'that burrow around four
to eight inches below the water.'

Wow! And that's the size?

Wow!
Wow.

She prefer a size more big.
In the UK, we cook with that size.

Er, one year more growing,

is one year more
that she have more produce, so...

Wow. Come on, Fred.

'Time for us to have a go
at this back-breaking work.'

The... It's the technique.

'Melissa made it look easy,
but Gino made it look obscene.'

How about...

'Because of the large,
flat coastal area,

'clams are big business in Galicia,

'and the top varieties are sold
for over 60 Euros a kilo...'

Buono?
'..so size really does matter.'

Size it.
Si, si, si, si.

That's enough. In the blue one.
Buono.

Too small?
No.

Too small.
Yeah.

What about this?
Yeah, that work.

Yeah, it is.
I'll give it to you.

Thank you.
Ah, well done.

Too small?
This one.

Shit.
OK.

'I keep coming up short,

'but at least I'm putting in
some effort,

'unlike Fred, who looks like
he's unblocking a drain

'with a broom handle.'

Just as a thank you,
I'm watching you work so hard,

can we repay the favour

and maybe cook some amazing clams
for you and the ladies?

So you ladies carry on with,
er, pick up the clams.

We wait in the kitchen,
and we cook it.

Come on, Gino.
OK?

Fantastic,
and let's not be shellfish.

Oh, come on!

Clambering around for those cockles
for a couple of hours,

and my back is absolutely screwed.

That was hard,
and they make it look so easy.

My legs are completely done.

Going out with all these women
this morning was fantastic

because it wasn't just about
going fishing.

It was about experiencing
a way of life,

experiencing the culture
of the people who live here.

What can be better than this?

'It's back to the RV
to prepare lunch for the ladies

'before the tide comes in,

'and, as the saying goes,
"time and tide waits for no man",

'even Gino D'Acampo.'

Let's go!
The ladies are on their way back.

Cooking for 200 is a big deal,

especially with such a sought-after
ingredient like these clams.

I've got the clams.
Let's go.

Nice and clean.

Are they rinsed?
Yes.

'And like a mariscadora
at high tide,

'these two are well out
of their depth.'

On the floor?
Yes.

Oh, gently, gently, gently. Gently!

It's just breaking,
the polystyrene's breaking.

GORDON HUFFS

I'll put them here.
Put them down. Honestly!

Hey, seriously?
Oh, no, no, no. Nothing happened.

We wash... We can wash it again.
No panic.

Can you give him a glass of wine
to relax him?

I'm not drinking.

OK, when I cook, everybody smile.
Everybody happy.

When you cook, mayhem.
Mayhem. It's a shambles.

'Easy to say when you have
the cockle brothers on your team.'

What you doing with the clams,
Gordon?

I'm gonna...
caramelise these onions...

Yeah.
..garlic... bay leaf, lemon...

white wine.

And then from there,

almost let the onions come down
to a puree

and then toss in the clams.

Can I have my clams now, please?

The clams are over there.
That's what I was telling you.

Shall we bring them to you?
Your highness. Your highness.

Bring you the clams.
Oh!

So from here,
we need to come to there, right?

Ah, yeah, bring him the clams,
otherwise he's gonna go mental here.

What?

No, we're not gonna tip them in it
like that.

Put them down, please.
Put them DOWN! Let's go.

Are you serious? Are you serious?

See what I mean?
Oh, look at you!

Let's go, let's go! Let's go!

Shall we... Shall we call the ladies
to bring the clams here?

Let's go! Come on, quick.

Come on, let's go.
Quick! Fred, come on!

It's the most important moment.

Let's go! Let's go. In. In! In!

Fred, open wine, please.

Please, quickly, I need the wine.
I need the wine, please.

Please, quickly.
I've already got wine open, Gordon.

It's already open, 20 bottles.

I'd like to give them clams
like never before.

Er, Gino? Gino!
Yeah?

You've been absolutely use...
What...?

Hey, what are you doing with that?
Huh?

What the fuck are you doing
with my clams?

OK.
What? Oh, my God!

Hey, hey.
One second.

Come here.
You have to be kidding me.

Wait.
He's cooked fucking spaghetti.

Come on, the girls are...

The women work very hard,
they need carbs.

I cannot believe you've done that.
Un bel spaghetti alle vongole.

Look at that. Beautiful.

That is fucking...
Hey, look at me. Look at me.

LADIES: Hey!
Hey, hey.

Can you hear the ladies?
They're coming.

Fucking hell.
Wh-Wh-What's the problem?

It's only a bit of pasta.
I'm doing all the work.

You standing there watching me,

and you run out with a bowl of pasta
for the glory.

Look, can you hear them?
Fucking hell.

I can't believe you've done this.
Hola!

Oh, my God.

Jesus and Mary, look.
Buenas tardes!

Fucking hell.
Hey!

Spaghetti vongole! Ole!

I'm gonna kill you.

I thought
that you would like the surprise?

You thought I'd like it?

Fucking hell.

He got quite agitated cooking

just a few clams
with a bit of onions there.

But I thought that the ladies,
they work so hard, they need carbs,

they want something warm,
they wanted just more.

Something more than just clams,
right?

Una pasta, un beso. Perfect.
Mwah! Bye!

To the best clams and the most
hard-working ladies in the world.

Muchas gracias!
LADIES: Gracias!

Muchas gracias!

Guys, look at where we are.
Welcome to Ribeira Sacra.

Oh, man!
This reminds me of Scotland.

Home sweet home.

It's raining!

# Don't bring around a cloud
To rain on my parade... #

The rain in Spain is a fucking pain.

Our culinary adventure
through Celtic Galicia

continues two hours east of Cambados

to the breath-taking
but rainy Ribeira Sacra valley,

which boasts some of the oldest
wine-making productions in Spain.

What the fuck are you doing
with a hat?

Who is the cap...? Leave it.
Wh... Who is the "capitan"?

Is me, so I'm the one
who decides who does what.

Fucking hell. So you go there.
OK, so one for you.

But this is not gonna work, is it?

The sticks are too long. Oh, my...
Sticks? They're called oars.

The "hoars" are too long.

'Literally translating
as "the sacred shore",

'Ribeira Sacra is an award-winning
wine-making region

'and an undiscovered gem
of central Galicia.'

This is one of the most beautiful
vineyards in the world.

'In his infinite wisdom,
Fred's decided that the best way

'to get to the vineyards
is by one of the traditional boats

'used to transport the grapes
through the valley.

'This is what happens
when you put a waiter in charge.'

These oars are too big.

No, they're not too big because
you don't know what you're doing.

Oh, like you know
what the fuck you're doing.

Come and stand down here, then.

Oh!
All right, work it out.

# Singing in the rain

# Just singing in the rain... #

We need to get there,
somewhere over there.

OK.
None of you is rowing.

Let's go, Fred, in tandem.

Gordon, you are going in circle.
We are going into circles.

You're going in circle.
Stand up. That's it.

What do you mean "on the thing"?
That's it. Now.

Not like that.
This is not the technique.

I'll take over.
Come on.

THEY CHUCKLE

What are you doing, Gordon?
HE SCREAMS

GORDON LAUGHS
Row, row!

What's happened?
FRED GASPS

GORDON GIGGLES

One second, mind the stick!
GORDON GIGGLES

# Just singing in the rain. #

Gordon, why did you do that?
Why did you do that?

Fucking, you're soaking wet.

What happened?
No shit.

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

Where are we going?
We're going to Esther's vineyard.

One of the top winemaker
of the region.

Can you imagine the effort it takes
to do wine here?

This is why they call it
"eroic" wine.

Call it what?
"Eroic" wine.

Heroic!

'For the wine cultivation
to be considered heroic,

'vines must be planted
on slopes steeper than 30%.

'Some of the hills here are 70,

'and the only way we're gonna get
to sample a glass

'of these fantastic grapes
is by going all the way up.'

They call it "Obama wine"

because in 2017,
he did a gala in Washington DC,

and that's THE wine he picked.

Barack Obama came here?

Well, he chose the wine
for his gala.

This is one of the best wine
in the world.

Come on. Let's go somewhere
where we can have a drink.

'This is
the Diego de Lemos vineyard,

'home to the first Galician wines
to be certified organic,

'all processed
without machinery or chemicals,

'under the watchful eye of our host
and head honcho, Esther.'

Hola! Are we here?
Hola! Hello!

Finally, we found you.

I'm so grateful
cos that was a tough climb.

'Esther inherited the vineyard
from her parents 66 years ago,

'and to this day, still works on
the heroic hillside with her team.

'Talk about commitment.

'It's an uphill battle
just getting there.'

Esther, we've been very fortunate
to see some incredible vineyards,

but nothing as spectacular as yours.

This is incredible.

Da mucho trabajo.

Yes, a lot of work.
It's a lot of work.

It takes a lot of work.

And would you mind if I ask you,
erm, how old you are?

Ochenta y seis.
Hey!

86!

I mean, incredible respect

to continue working
on these vineyards at 86.

He stopped working ten years ago
at 36.

Ah!
She goes every day to the vineyards.

Every day.

I'm a fellow winemaker.

I also have a vineyard
on the island of Sardinia,

so I understand the hard work
and passion she puts in the wine.

It's a vinegar vineyard.

Venga!
Brava, salute, salute.

So this wine is called
Diego de Lemos.

This is beautiful.
Beautiful.

It's fresh, it's crisp,
and it's very... apricotty.

Very good.
Huh? It's beautiful.

This one is very fruity.

It's lovely.
Look at the colour of that.

And it's slightly leathery,

and it's got that smell
of petrichor, hasn't it?

WHISPERS: Sante.

Asi.
Saludo.

Asi.
Cheers.

Oh, oh.
Asi. Vale. Ya esta.

Tell Esther I got an idea.
We would love to cook for Esther.

Para cocinar...
Muchas gracias.

Eh!
Muchas gracias.

Tell her I'm with my assistant
and my waiter.

Er, start to peel the potato,
Gordon, please.

Start to peel the potato.

As far as Esther is concerned,
you're my assistant.

Yeah, right.

So just, please, I want her
to believe that I'm the head chef.

Yeah, dream on.

'We're cooking with incredible
produce found right here

'on Esther's doorstep.

'So while Gino cooks the potatoes
and dreams of becoming a head chef,

'I'm manning the main event,
the beautiful Galician beef.'

All right,
how long is it gonna take?

About eight to ten minutes
each side.

Don't overcook it, yeah?
Oh, here we go.

I wanted to ask Esther how old
she was when she became a winemaker.

Esther was the first woman
to produce wine here in the area...

Mm.
..because normally it's the man,

the men that goes there
to produce the wine.

She's a rebel.
It's a rebel!

She's a rebel.
A rebel is.

Well done.

But why you moving my pans?

I need some space, man.
OK, how much space you need?

All you're doing
is peeling potatoes.

I'm doing the base
of a bechamel sauce.

What is the secret not to make
the bechamel sauce lumpy?

Your roux is hot,
your milk is freezing cold.

Right?

And then the romesco sauce.

Chestnuts...
Yeah.

..almonds.

I'm gonna lightly roast them.

Smell that.

Mm...

Look at that steak. See how that fat
has melted beautifully now?

Let's just take them off to rest
a little bit.

Look at that.

GINO CLEARS THROAT
Gordon!

Clean up the floor as you're going.
You should say, "Yes, chef".

Look at this beef.
All right.

There you are.

How good is that?
Mamma mia!

Fantastico. That's it.

All right, I'm ready when you are.
Esther, we're coming.

Ah! Look at this.
Oh, my Lord.

Oh, ho, ho!
So this is your potatoes.

And this, my darling,
is your amazing steak.

OK, buon appetito.

Buon appetito. Muchas gracias.
All of this for you.

Oh!
Hala! Si! Muchas gracias.

Thank you, Gordon.
Thank you. Merci.

Excuse me.
Thank you.

That looks delicious, guys.

Lovely.

Unbelievable, thank you.
Le gusta?

Oh, she loves it!

Esther,
for me as a professional chef,

what I love most about
this particular gathering,

everything's local.

The beef, the potatoes,
the cheese, the wine.

Doesn't get any better than that.

Can I say thank you
for an amazing day?

Congratulations,
and continued success. Esther!

Cheers.
Bueno! Mwah!

Thank you.
Bueno.

Can you tell Esther that I will send
her a box of Gino vino...

Oh, no!
..my own one... Why?

Why are you doing that?
Yes. Vino.

Te va a mandar el vino
que el produce en Italia.

Te va a mandar una caja de vino,
Esther.

Una caja de vino. Gino vino.

Esther, she's incredible.

You know, I mean, can you imagine,
she is 86, and she's still working?

A different generation.

# Young at heart

# You're so young at heart. #

'Warm, dry, full of food,

'and thankfully, without a bottle
of Gino vino anywhere to be seen,

'we're on route to the Galician
capital, Santiago de Compostela.'

Esther, she reminds me so much
of my mum,

even though she's ten years older
than my mum,

and my mum still works.

A lot of it is voluntary,

and you just think,
"Mum, slow down!"

But where do you think
we'll be at 86?

I envisage myself on the island
of Sardinia...

GORDON LAUGHS
..beautiful sun tan.

Long white hair, open chest.
GORDON LAUGHS

Think about Peter Stringfellow,
the Italian version.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

When I'm 86,
someone here will be 96.

That's right.
All right?

So that means at some point,

we need to get a Gordon, Gino
and Fred electric wheelchair.

MUMBLES: Give me that, Gordon.
Change my nappy.

We need to change
your nappy every two seconds.

I'm not doing that.
86, I'm gonna be fit as a fiddle.

You soon probably
gonna become a grandparent?

Hold on a minute, hold on.

Listen, you're having experience at
the moment, taking Oscar to school.

People must think,
"Oh, look, how sweet.

"Granddad is taking his kid
to school."

Well, I'm...
Oh, come on.

Only you can have a child
at 50-all-the-years-old.

Well, that... that...
that's a little bit unfair.

FRED LAUGHS

Oh, be careful here.
Yeah, well...

Be care... Oh, this is tight, yeah?
It's fine, it's fine.

Be careful of the mirror there.
Be careful here.

Madonna!
Oh, you're gonna break everything.

Er, Gordon, this is tight.

Er, Fred, of course it's tight.
Have some faith.

Mate, you went down the wrong road.

You're going on someone's vineyard
to turn this thing around now.

This is crazy.

You know that the RV's
going on fire, right?

That's it, we're fucked.
We're not fucked.

No? Well, we're stuck in the mud.
We are stuck in the mud.

MUSIC: 'Stuck In The Middle'
by Stealers Wheel

ENGINE REVS

We need to put some wood
under the tyre. Let me...

You have no idea what you're doing.

Are we clear?

Fuck.

Maybe if you jump out,
I'll do it without less weight.

Let me try it now.

You fucked it. I told you.

Watch your brand-new
Lacoste trainers.

I'm getting my shoes all dirty.

# Clowns to the left of me

# Jokers to the right... #

Here you go. Gino!
Can I get some coffee?

No, it's lighter.
I think it's gonna work. Watch out!

You're getting stuck even worse
in this thing.

Look at that.

Fred! Under the front wheels.
Let's go!

Under the front wheel, of course.

I mean, my shoes
are gonna be so dirty.

Let's try the wood.

Ay!

But this is a shamble.
This is a shamble.

Fucking hell.

You messed it up,
look what you done here.

Let's get a taxi.

A taxi!
Where are we gonna get a taxi here?

We're in the middle of Galicia,
Gordon.

Well, let's just do
a fast-paced walk.

With these shoes on? Are you crazy?
Er...

You sort it out now.

You are just impossible, you two.

Your Pradas are wet.

GORDON: 'We finally made it to the
culinary capital of Galicia -

'Santiago de Compostela.'

Let's have a quiet one, please.

Let's have a quiet one.

That's it, the-the police van
is coming.

'Having abandoned our trusty camper,
Fred's keen to raise our spirits,

'so insisted we head to one of the
city's most famous Celtic bars,

'Casa das Crechas.'

This bar's been here
for years and years,

but you know what's very special
about this bar is that

it's the Celt place for Galicia.

This is where you wanna come
when you want to go

back to the origin of the people
who live in this region.

Got you.
I'm ready...

for the Celtic. I knew it.
This... we would find a bar...

Sit down.
..and Justin is ready.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

And I got the...
Sit down.

I can't believe you brought
Justin Beaver, seriously?

Shall we have a drink?
Let's go. Please.

I think we should have something
typically Galician. Yeah.

Like some kind of spirits or
something. What, what do you have?

So, aguardiente.
Si.

It's Galician vodka and you
distil it and you get... fire water.

'This spirit, known as Orujo,
dates back to the Middle Ages.

'It can be mixed with different
flavours, coffee, cream or anise.

'It's probably the most well-known
distilled liqueur in Spain,

'and you'll certainly remember
all about it in the morning.'

OK, so we'll have one shot,
one shot, one shot, one shot.

Thank you.

Cheers.
Thanks, Alex.

'Whichever flavour you pair it with,
it's got one hell of a kick.'

This is very strong, yeah.
This is... this is like water.

S-S-Shit. That's like petrol.
I like him!

Oh, God.
Mm!

You're a Galician, right?
You're already Galician.

No, no, no, no!

With this, with this one.
You don't worry about it.

I know what I'm doing.
Oh, my God. Per favor.

That's, er, le cocka-tail,
to killed it.

The Gino D'Acampos.
Gino.

You're gonna be... Gino.
Gordon, say something.

Taste it together.
No. No, no, seriously.

Taste it.

Come on, Justin.

Do you want to touch my beaver?
Sure. Can I?

Ruff!

Don't worry, he's fine, he's fine,
he's fine. Sit down.

'Orujo is also the base of the very
traditional Galician drink called

'Queimada, a mystical punch
steeped in Celtic folklore.

'And you might even describe
its preparation as eccentric.'

Who is this guy?

That's a Queimada.
That's our local beverage maker.

Careful. You're gonna
set the place on fire.

Ooh, he's Harry Potter.

He's burning it down with sugar,
lemon peel, orange peel and coffee,

and you have to let it burn
for a while.

And you see the sugar
and the orange and all that.

It's all gonna caramelise.
It's like a mulled wine.

Can we try it?
Yeah.

It's... you're done. That's...
Yeah?

Oh, this is lovely.
It smells of orange.

Go for it. Go on. Don't pretend.

ALL COUGHING,
SPLUTTERING

FRED RETCHING

That stuff, no.

Honestly.

Unless I was stripping the paint
from the living room. Er...

that was rancid.

# I put a spell on you... #

GARBLED CHANTING

Delia Smith.

GARBLED CHANTING

Nigella Lawson.

GARBLED CHANTING

Antony Worrall Thompson.

No, just give a little bit
to the beaver.

Ooh... Look!

LAUGHTER

You idiot!

They were doing
like a, a voodoo thing.

The only thing I knew,
my beaver go on fire.

Don't worry about Daddy.

You have to blow it after you drink.

Not the beaver, the fucking...
Oh, the thing, oh! ..the drink.

Why would you
want to blow my beaver?

To dry it.

Being in a Celtic bar
is boisterous enough.

Being in a Celtic bar
smelling singed beaver, not good.

This is a second degree burn.

Why you got sunglasses, Gino?

The sun is not even shining.
Why you got sunglasses?

Si, but last night we went for it.
I'm not taking the sunglasses off.

'While Gino was praying to be
hangover free this morning,

'I was hoping for an RV,
and, thankfully, I got my wish.

'It's back.
I made a call to a friend.

'So we can finally take in the
sights of Santiago de Compostela.'

Look how pretty it is.
Beautiful.

You know, it's very Medieval
isn't it? It's very what?

Medieval.

Medi-evil!

'The cathedral is one of the city's
most iconic buildings

'and also the final stop for
the 350,000 who visit every year,

'walking the
Camino de Santiago trail.'

Look at this!

Just take it in, man.
Take it where?

FRED AND GORDON: Take it in.
Where?

Take it in.
Ah!

The view.
Inside my head.

'But we're not just here
to sightsee,

'we're here to gather ingredients
for our final Spanish feast

'to celebrate the end of our trip.

'And for a chef,
the best place to worship is

'Mercado de Abastos - a huge
150-year-old fresh food market

'and the second most visited
attraction after the cathedral.'

You ready?

So you gonna park...
You can't park here.

..the RV in the middle of the
piazza? Yes! Yes!

But you can't do that, Gordon.
We're gonna get a ticket.

Why do you need a handbag
to go to a market?

Every man needs a handbag.

Look at that.

Don't you just love the smell
and the noise of a market, right?

'There's so much inspiration here.'
Buongiorno!

Look at that handshake there.

Oh, my Lord!

'With almost 70 vendors selling some
of the freshest, most unique produce

'northern Spain has to offer,

'it's alive with activity
and a reminder

'of why I fell in love with
this country in the first place.'

So, here I wanna get a delicacy
that I don't think any of you

have tasted before. Percebes.

What is that?
Sea barnacles.

But they look prehistoric,
they look like claws.

I know one thing about percebes -
they got the biggest willy in the

animal kingdom.
Oh, la, la, la, la.

50 times the size of the animal.

And where is the willy?
Well, it's inside.

Uno kilo.
Un kilo?

Si, and some octopus.
And some octopus, yeah.

Gracias, madam. They're super
expensive by the way. 70 euros.

Seven zero?
Yes.

For one kilo there?
It's a delicacy.

And it doesn't look it, does it?
Look at that. They are incredible.

Gracias. Thank you for those.
70 euro for a mouthful of willy.

Hey, good morning.
This is... Oh, hello.

Como sa? Bello.

It's cow's milk.
It's cow's milk.

The difference between these two
is that this one is raw milk,

so it's softer,
and the other one is ecological.

It's the most sold Galician cheese
in Spain.

What is the name of the cheese?
We name it tetilla. Tetilla?

Breast, or nipple.
Ah, boobies.

Because of the shape.
Yeah, it's...

Can I?
Er, yes.

Boob.
This is the right size.

This is a tit cheese. Mm!
Stop it.

Stop. Hey, we're in a marketplace.

Don't...
Embrace the tetilla. Mm-mm...

Yeah, embrace the local traditions.

Now you're gonna compare it to
an Italian titty cheese.

Well, this is like the Zizzona.

Oh, my God.

In south of Italy, we have the same,
but it's a big booby.

The breast ones.
And I have to give you change.

We need vegetables.
No, I've got two veg with me.

That market was just magic.

Now we've got the most
amazing ingredients in the RV,

let's find somewhere to park up
and cook a delicious lunch.

Why do you always have to drive?
A - I'm the most experienced,

B - last time we drove,
you nearly killed us.

Yeah, but that's because
I got distracted,

but I-I promise I won't do that.

No, you tried to compete in areas
where you should not be competing.

I wanna drive as well,
because I'm always at the back here.

I'm stuck like a sausage,
you know what I mean?

I'd like to drive a little bit.
You're French. And so?

They can't... they can't drive
at the best of times.

It's true.
French people, you can't drive.

Oh, you can talk,
you're from Naples!

There isn't a single car
without a dent in Naples, Gino.

It's ridiculous.
I'm driving, I'm the safest,

I'm the most experienced
and I am hugging the wheel.

Oh, I've got an idea.

Oh, no.

Around here, they do what
they call aqua karting. What?

Imagine a go-kart but on water.
Oh!

And I think it's only fair...
Right.

..that we're gonna go there
and the winner is gonna drive.

But hold on, I'm twice the size of
you, OK? Don't start with excuses.

I'm gonna kick
both of your arses. Ah! So win.

I'm gonna win.
All right, go. Go.

Once for all, we're gonna find out
who is the best driver.

'I'm putting lunch on hold

'as I never like to miss
an opportunity

'to put these two spare wheels
back in their place.

'Not since the Spanish Armada
set sail in 1588

'has such an epic battle
been waged on water.

'My place in the driver's seat
is in serious jeopardy,

'pride is on the line
and the stakes couldn't be higher.

'It's very simple -
fastest lap wins.'

Oh, no,
he's got his driving gloves on.

He's got his wife's...
He's got his wife's black gloves on.

You gonna go first.
Oh, my God! I'm going first.

Listen, you don't need the gloves.
Take the gloves off.

No, the gloves is good for racing.
OK, good luck.

I'm going, yeah?
Good luck.

I feel like Super Mario.

You look like it. Oh, my God!

Wait for the whistle!
No problem.

WHISTLE
Wait for the whistle!

I am waiting for the whistle! I am!

WHISTLE
Go!

Bye, baby, bye!

Come on, Gino!
Woo!

Shit!

Wow! That's it!
He's fast.

Woo! Woo!

Ooh! Oh! Ooh!

Too fast, too fast!
Ooh! Oh, no!

He hit the barrier.

Across the line, cross the line.
GINO SCREAMS

Man!

'At 34 seconds,
that was pretty fast,

'and unusual
for an Italian driver...

'he didn't beep his horn once.'

This is dangerous.

Wow!

Well done. Well done.
Guys... Was it good?

Well done, that was good.
It was good. It was very good.

So much fun.
Right, Fred, in you go. Good luck.

Go on, hold on.
Fred, do you need these?

No, he doesn't need gloves. No.

Au revoir!

No, I wouldn't trust him
in a fucking bathtub.

Hey! Turn around, you idiot!

He's like a wet French duck.

OK, stand by!

On your mark! Get set!

WHISTLE
Ride!

Woo-hoo!
Look at where you go.

He's gonna kill himself.
Look at the French bullet.

He needs to go under the bridge, eh?

He did it. Very good.
Wow.

Look at him, look at him.
That's fast, that is fast.

He's gonna go off.
He's gonna tip it.

Here he's gonna have problems.
Here he's gonna have problems.

Look, look, look,
here he's gonna have problems.

That's, that, that's...
You need to prepare for... Oh! Oh!

LAUGHTER

OK!

It was going well until that curve!

You cannot drive!

'Finally, it was my turn to ride the
waves and wipe out the competition.'

Be careful, eh? You ready?
Yes, of course I'm fucking ready.

Oh!
Don't tip it, Gordon.

Really?

Look at that. He looks
like an elephant on a tricycle.

Three, two, one!

WHISTLE
Go! Come on, let's go!

He'll sink, he's too big.
Come on, baby!

He's gonna go over.
Oh, mama mia! Look, only...

Piano!

Is he going under there?

Yes!

Very good.
He's gonna go very fast here,

but now the waves
are going to hit him.

Come on, Gordon, push it!

Oh!

Come on, look,
he's gonna hit the waves there.

Do you know what?
He's gonna fall in the water.

Oh my... Ohhh!

Oh, my God!

Yes!

YES!

'It was close, but never in doubt.

'At 33 seconds, I'm the fastest.'
Come on back!

'Leaving me behind the wheel
where I belong.'

Come back!

# I

# I was born a free man

# You don't have to tell me
Cos I know. #

Well, that was a waste
of bloody time, wasn't it?

Ooh, shit! Erm...
GORDON CHUCKLES

Straight-line speed
is what it's all about.

Also, more importantly,
looking at the wake.

The wake that you're causing
BEHIND your aqua karts.

How cool is that?
Oh, huh?

Come on.
At least say congratulations.

Er, Gino, do you know that
it's legal to be naked in Spain?

What? Any congratulations...

or are you just
in the little French puff?

You won fair and square, OK,
but can we just move on now?

SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC

This is a beautiful coast here,
huh, isn't it?

'We've reached the end of
our culinary pilgrimage around Spain

'and with Galicia boasting
over 900 miles of coastline,

'what better place to conclude
our journey than the beach?'

It reminds me of Cornwall.

I never been to Cornwall.
You've never been to Cornwall?

It's quite far, though, from London,
isn't it? Oh!

It's 90 minutes in a helicopter.

Yeah, well, not all of us
have an 'elicopter,

so, er, please forgive us.

This year,
when I get my helicopter licence,

I will come and pick you both up
and we'll spend an afternoon

having a bite to eat and I'll fly
you back. How does that sound?

No, no, no, with another pilot
next to you, though? No.

On your own?
Yes.

GINO SPEAKS ITALIAN
No, I...

Who do you think you are? Top Gun?

I just thought
what a way to celebrate,

we go to Cornwall for the weekend.
Well, think again.

Up for it, Freddo?

Erm...

I'm with Gino on this one.
What?

# Ride in to the Danger Zone... #

'Despite rudely turning down
a ride with my chopper,

'they were both more than happy

'to let me cook
our incredible market produce

'on the idyllic coast.'

OK, let's get organised, please,
just for once.

I'm getting the "horny" down.
The what?

This, the "horny"?

Horny? Awning!

Aw-ning. I get the awning down.
How do you take it down?

Oh, where are the instruction
of this RV? You just pull it out.

Look at that.
Gino, you are a star.

Mind your heads!
Gordon.

Fucking hell, Gino. Gino!
Gordon, move! Jesus Christ!

OK, this is too... this is too low.

That's better.
Professional campers.

'Professional campers?
Professional plonkers, more like.

'Something tells me
this is gonna be a long day.'

You fancy a beer?
Please.

We're drinking already?
There, lovely, finally.

I've got this Galician Estrella,
it's the original recipe from 1906.

Have a beer.

Ooh, it's strong that, no?

No, it's...
It's strong, cheers. Good health.

It's the local beer.
It's nice. Cheers.

Look at the view, guys.

'When it comes to Spanish cooking,
simplicity is key.

'Maximum taste with minimum effort,
which is exactly what comes to mind

'when working with
these two simpletons.'

Hey, come...
Let-Let's sit down after we cook.

I wanna cook the percebes,
the barnacles.

Come on, guys. Jesus Christ!
Bring out the percebes, please.

Er, you not gonna help out,
or just... lounge?

But what do you want me to do?

'While Fred's making
pathetic excuses,

'Gino and I are making
two delicious Spanish dishes.

'I'm steaming percebes with lemons,
beer and bay leaves,

'while Gino's whipping up
a warm Galician octopus salad.'

Right, er, Gino, let's go, please,
yes?

In Italy...
We're in Spain.

Forget Italy just for two minutes,
please.

This has to look rustic.

Trust me, it's looking rustic
all right.

Then we're gonna put a shallot onion
in there.

You fry the onions off first.
You don't put them at the end.

Oh, no, like a sal... Remember,
it's a salad, we're making a salad.

Mr Ramsay, watch and learn.
Oh, please!

Now, watch, twist at the end.

Some of the most expensive shellfish
on the planet.

Wah!
LAUGHTER

Ready?

Don't...

Stop!
Do I really have to?

It's a delicacy.
Treat it with some respect.

OK.
OK?

Describe that.

Slightly chewy, which is nice.
Yes.

But tender in the middle. Yes.
Right? Yes.

Salty to perfection, I have to say.
Thank you.

'Of course, nobody's perfect

'but 17 Michelin stars
puts me damn close.

'But what Gino's doing with
that octopus is anyone's guess.'

Gino, what ingredients do you have?

The salad bit is flat leaf parsley,
then we have, er, capers,

green olives, shallots

and extra virgin olive oil,
lemon and salt.

And then the secret
is the hot potato and octopus

going into the cold dressing.
Octopus salad. Nice.

I'm so excited for these, guys.

How long for the octopus, please?
We're done.

We toss everything together.
Forza, ragazzi, forza.

OK, done, finished.

That actually looks quite nice.
Yum, yum. That's beautiful.

Seriously, I would've fried
the capers, personally, but hey.

Yeah?
OK.

A meal of champions.

Fantastico!

Thank you.
Oh, thank you.

Gents, take your lemon wedge...
One sec.

..and squeeze gently
over the percebes.

Oh, my goodness me.

Don't look like that.

This is better than any clam,
any whelks, any oyster, any day.

These are the real deal.

It does look like a willy, though,
is it?

It does. It does.

Right, the octopus.

Freddo?

When you go to a tapas bar
anywhere in the world,

you got pulpo a la gallega,

and this is where this recipe
come from. I love it.

De-licious.

You're tasting the very best
of Spain now, right?

But we have this in Italy as well.

I appreciate Spanish cuisine
better than British cuisine.

But that's normal.
FRED LAUGHS

That's not a big, er, task
to ask yourself.

Fish and chips boy.
Anyway.

I'm going in.
Are you upset?

Every country we go,

you say that it's better
than Italian, er, er, thing.

Why is he getting so touchy?
God knows.

Very sensitive, huh?
Yeah, very.

Alexa, is Italian food
better than Spanish food?

ALEXA: 'Italian food is good,
but I think Spanish food is better.'

LAUGHTER

Oh, my goodness!

Sit down, sit down.
What's all...?

Sit, sit. Well, you ask a question,
you get an answer. There you go.

You can't disagree that the food
was delicious. Yeah.

What unbelievable food.
Unbelievable, yeah.

Everywhere we went.
I agree.

What an extraordinary trip.

'It's been a big eye opener for me.

'Andalucia, Galicia
are just amazing.'

I've seen things
and I've tasted food

that I was not expecting
to see and taste.

I'm happy they're now sold
on how beautiful Spain is,

and what they produce
is just a dream. Yeah, what a joy.

You know why I love to go round
the world with you two,

on this road trip?

Because I always learn
something new.

I always taste something new.
Yeah.

Huh?
I know what you mean.

That's how cool is our job,
our job is like... Wow.

We never stop learning.
Yeah.

It's been just a beautiful trip.

I cannot describe how I feel
right now.

This has been sensational.

You travel the world
with, er, two best friends

like Gordon and Fred.

This kind of luck
doesn't happen to everybody

and I hope we're gonna do this
for the next 30 years.

Well, 30 years,
Gordon is gonna be 90.

Or maybe ten.

Ten, next ten years is OK.

# I'd do it all again... #

Do you know what I would love to do?
I'd love to go for a swim.

For a dip?
Yeah.

Oh, my...
Come on, let's go. Yeah?

Are you coming, Gordon?
Am I hell. No.

SPANISH SONG PLAYS

Oh... Jesus Christ!

No wonder you're not cold
with all that hair on there.

The fucking Galician werewolf.

What the hell?

Oh, my G... No, Fred, Fred.
Are you two seriously going down?

Yeah! Come on, let's go for a swim.
I'll be the lifeguard.

When Gino and I want to be free
with nature,

I really don't understand
why Gordon doesn't come with us.

LAUGHING: No!

Fucking hell, no!

'He's so uptight.'

He's not comfortable
with his manhood.

Get your dick off me! Gino!

He needs to let go.
What's wrong with the man?

Get the fuck out of it! Jesus!

Must be that, surely.

Come on, Gordon! You only live once!

Come on! Don't be boring! Gordon!

Oh, my God.

Free Willy!
You're crazy!

THEY SHRIEK

'And I thought Jamie Oliver
was the Naked Chef.'

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