Original subtitles

GINO: Five minutes it takes to do. Gordon, Gino, and Fred as a team...

ARTIST: Sit down, relax. ..we are doing this together.

I've always wanted to this. GORDON: Seriously?

Oh, very, very big. He's got a big head, yeah.

A big head. Nice to meet you, too, yes.

Can you make me like, er, nice for my wife?

And, er, do you want anything done? No, no, just in case.

We can smooth things up, anything... We can tight you up.

Can you get the French conk in?

The big, grand nez. It's like a pelican.

Finished? Finished.

Finished. Oh, can we see?

All right. Right.

Ah, look at me!

But look how camp you look, Gordon. He's got the quiff right.

Look at this. Look at that, Johnny Bravo.

I look like a cross between Donald Trump and a fat Jamie Oliver.

And you look like a thin Wayne Rooney.

I mean, what the BLEEP is that?

Oh, guys, this is awesome. This is brilliant.

I thought you were gonna help me out a little bit, no?

'Gino D'Acampo...' Welcome to Spain!

'..Fred Sirieix and I...' What are you doing, Gordon?

FRED SCREAMS Don't push me!

'..are on a Spanish spectacular.'

'Three amigos...' Cheers!

'..with extra-large egos...' Yes! Yes!

'..back behind the wheel...' Gordon!

'..on the wrong side of the road.' We are on the pebble!

'Having travelled the globe with our world-class palates...'

The tapas is incredible. Mama mia.

'..this is a European culinary capital

'we're yet to traverse as a trio.'

I feel like Super Mario. Go!

'With the crazy Italian...' Whoo!

'..who's a one-man fiesta...' No, no, no.

'..and a frolicking Frenchman I wish would siesta...'

Chica!

'..one thing's for sure...' Gino, no!

'..these senores...' You idiot!

'..are sure to be a massive...'

What the...? '..Spain in the arse.'

You're burning the RV down, kiddo!

ALL: Yay!

Gents, we've made it to the north-west of Spain,

to beautiful Galicia.

This is a region like no other.

The coastlines stretch for over 900 miles.

It's rugged. It's sort of furious. It's... It's wild.

The Galician style never really gets a look in.

Everyone talks about tapas in Barcelona

and the richness in Madrid,

but no-one really understands the sort of...

the gems that are unearthed on this beautiful, rugged coastline.

Both of you are gonna be blown away with the local food.

This is one of the most unique parts of Spain,

and it's known for its Celtic roots.

Celtic, er, roots? Celtic roots.

Yeah, there was a Celtic tribe, the Galician.

They came here about a thousand years ago, and they settled here.

So the cuisine must be very different here

from where we've been so far.

But they still do tapas here? Yeah, of course.

'So far, we've eaten our way through the Costa del Sol.

'Now we're off to the north-west,

'to discover the secret culinary capital of Celtic Spain.

'First, it's a trip to the coastal village of Cambados

'to get our hands on some stunning shellfish

'and serve up a seafood feast,

'before heading inland to learn the heroics required

'to make wine in the Ribeira Sacra,

'with our culinary pilgrimage ending

'in the cathedral city of Santiago de Compostela.'

# Hey, everybody, gather round Yeah, yeah, yeah

# Do the clam, do the clam

# Dig right in and do the clam Clam... #

'We've arrived in Cambados,

'and I'm taking the guys to join a masterclass

'in harvesting the Almeja Rubia Gallega.'

Oop. Oh, cor, dudo. What's happening?

MARISCADORES: Hola! Hola!

Hello, clam ladies!

Bonjour! Hola!

'We're going to be working

'with a brigade of 200 women called mariscadores,

'headed up by Melissa

'who has been clam hunting for over a decade.'

Up, up, up, up and away!

# Sisters are doing it For themselves... #

Shit, they're going in the water.

I'm not going that far. You are.

# Standin' on their own two feet

# And ringing their own bells... #

'This practice has been handed down through the local women

'from generation to generation.'

How far out are we going? Oi, I'm already tired.

'Historically, the women of the region were left behind

'while the men went fishing.

'Farming clams was a way for them to supplement their own income

'while juggling the demands of home and family.'

Melissa, are there lots of ladies wanting to do this?

'The body of water surrounding the San Tome tower at Cambados

'empties completely at low tide,

'allowing a small window of opportunity

'for the shell fishers to get their hands on what many chefs believe

'is the best seafood in the world.'

Look! Look at that.

'The women use basket rakes to sift through the sand and sea

'to get the best clams

'that burrow around four to eight inches below the water.'

Wow! And that's the size?

Wow! Wow.

She prefer a size more big. In the UK, we cook with that size.

Er, one year more growing,

is one year more that she have more produce, so...

Wow. Come on, Fred.

'Time for us to have a go at this back-breaking work.'

The... It's the technique.

'Melissa made it look easy, but Gino made it look obscene.'

How about...

'Because of the large, flat coastal area,

'clams are big business in Galicia,

'and the top varieties are sold for over 60 Euros a kilo...'

Buono? '..so size really does matter.'

Size it. Si, si, si, si.

That's enough. In the blue one. Buono.

Too small? No.

Too small. Yeah.

What about this? Yeah, that work.

Yeah, it is. I'll give it to you.

Thank you. Ah, well done.

Too small? This one.

Shit. OK.

'I keep coming up short,

'but at least I'm putting in some effort,

'unlike Fred, who looks like he's unblocking a drain

'with a broom handle.'

Just as a thank you, I'm watching you work so hard,

can we repay the favour

and maybe cook some amazing clams for you and the ladies?

So you ladies carry on with, er, pick up the clams.

We wait in the kitchen, and we cook it.

Come on, Gino. OK?

Fantastic, and let's not be shellfish.

Oh, come on!

Clambering around for those cockles for a couple of hours,

and my back is absolutely screwed.

That was hard, and they make it look so easy.

My legs are completely done.

Going out with all these women this morning was fantastic

because it wasn't just about going fishing.

It was about experiencing a way of life,

experiencing the culture of the people who live here.

What can be better than this?

'It's back to the RV to prepare lunch for the ladies

'before the tide comes in,

'and, as the saying goes, "time and tide waits for no man",

'even Gino D'Acampo.'

Let's go! The ladies are on their way back.

Cooking for 200 is a big deal,

especially with such a sought-after ingredient like these clams.

I've got the clams. Let's go.

Nice and clean.

Are they rinsed? Yes.

'And like a mariscadora at high tide,

'these two are well out of their depth.'

On the floor? Yes.

Oh, gently, gently, gently. Gently!

It's just breaking, the polystyrene's breaking.

GORDON HUFFS

I'll put them here. Put them down. Honestly!

Hey, seriously? Oh, no, no, no. Nothing happened.

We wash... We can wash it again. No panic.

Can you give him a glass of wine to relax him?

I'm not drinking.

OK, when I cook, everybody smile. Everybody happy.

When you cook, mayhem. Mayhem. It's a shambles.

'Easy to say when you have the cockle brothers on your team.'

What you doing with the clams, Gordon?

I'm gonna... caramelise these onions...

Yeah. ..garlic... bay leaf, lemon...

white wine.

And then from there,

almost let the onions come down to a puree

and then toss in the clams.

Can I have my clams now, please?

The clams are over there. That's what I was telling you.

Shall we bring them to you? Your highness. Your highness.

Bring you the clams. Oh!

So from here, we need to come to there, right?

Ah, yeah, bring him the clams, otherwise he's gonna go mental here.

What?

No, we're not gonna tip them in it like that.

Put them down, please. Put them DOWN! Let's go.

Are you serious? Are you serious?

See what I mean? Oh, look at you!

Let's go, let's go! Let's go!

Shall we... Shall we call the ladies to bring the clams here?

Let's go! Come on, quick.

Come on, let's go. Quick! Fred, come on!

It's the most important moment.

Let's go! Let's go. In. In! In!

Fred, open wine, please.

Please, quickly, I need the wine. I need the wine, please.

Please, quickly. I've already got wine open, Gordon.

It's already open, 20 bottles.

I'd like to give them clams like never before.

Er, Gino? Gino! Yeah?

You've been absolutely use... What...?

Hey, what are you doing with that? Huh?

What the fuck are you doing with my clams?

OK. What? Oh, my God!

Hey, hey. One second.

Come here. You have to be kidding me.

Wait. He's cooked fucking spaghetti.

Come on, the girls are...

The women work very hard, they need carbs.

I cannot believe you've done that. Un bel spaghetti alle vongole.

Look at that. Beautiful.

That is fucking... Hey, look at me. Look at me.

LADIES: Hey! Hey, hey.

Can you hear the ladies? They're coming.

Fucking hell. Wh-Wh-What's the problem?

It's only a bit of pasta. I'm doing all the work.

You standing there watching me,

and you run out with a bowl of pasta for the glory.

Look, can you hear them? Fucking hell.

I can't believe you've done this. Hola!

Oh, my God.

Jesus and Mary, look. Buenas tardes!

Fucking hell. Hey!

Spaghetti vongole! Ole!

I'm gonna kill you.

I thought that you would like the surprise?

You thought I'd like it?

Fucking hell.

He got quite agitated cooking

just a few clams with a bit of onions there.

But I thought that the ladies, they work so hard, they need carbs,

they want something warm, they wanted just more.

Something more than just clams, right?

Una pasta, un beso. Perfect. Mwah! Bye!

To the best clams and the most hard-working ladies in the world.

Muchas gracias! LADIES: Gracias!

Muchas gracias!

Guys, look at where we are. Welcome to Ribeira Sacra.

Oh, man! This reminds me of Scotland.

Home sweet home.

It's raining!

# Don't bring around a cloud To rain on my parade... #

The rain in Spain is a fucking pain.

Our culinary adventure through Celtic Galicia

continues two hours east of Cambados

to the breath-taking but rainy Ribeira Sacra valley,

which boasts some of the oldest wine-making productions in Spain.

What the fuck are you doing with a hat?

Who is the cap...? Leave it. Wh... Who is the "capitan"?

Is me, so I'm the one who decides who does what.

Fucking hell. So you go there. OK, so one for you.

But this is not gonna work, is it?

The sticks are too long. Oh, my... Sticks? They're called oars.

The "hoars" are too long.

'Literally translating as "the sacred shore",

'Ribeira Sacra is an award-winning wine-making region

'and an undiscovered gem of central Galicia.'

This is one of the most beautiful vineyards in the world.

'In his infinite wisdom, Fred's decided that the best way

'to get to the vineyards is by one of the traditional boats

'used to transport the grapes through the valley.

'This is what happens when you put a waiter in charge.'

These oars are too big.

No, they're not too big because you don't know what you're doing.

Oh, like you know what the fuck you're doing.

Come and stand down here, then.

Oh! All right, work it out.

# Singing in the rain

# Just singing in the rain... #

We need to get there, somewhere over there.

OK. None of you is rowing.

Let's go, Fred, in tandem.

Gordon, you are going in circle. We are going into circles.

You're going in circle. Stand up. That's it.

What do you mean "on the thing"? That's it. Now.

Not like that. This is not the technique.

I'll take over. Come on.

THEY CHUCKLE

What are you doing, Gordon? HE SCREAMS

GORDON LAUGHS Row, row!

What's happened? FRED GASPS

GORDON GIGGLES

One second, mind the stick! GORDON GIGGLES

# Just singing in the rain. #

Gordon, why did you do that? Why did you do that?

Fucking, you're soaking wet.

What happened? No shit.

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!

Where are we going? We're going to Esther's vineyard.

One of the top winemaker of the region.

Can you imagine the effort it takes to do wine here?

This is why they call it "eroic" wine.

Call it what? "Eroic" wine.

Heroic!

'For the wine cultivation to be considered heroic,

'vines must be planted on slopes steeper than 30%.

'Some of the hills here are 70,

'and the only way we're gonna get to sample a glass

'of these fantastic grapes is by going all the way up.'

They call it "Obama wine"

because in 2017, he did a gala in Washington DC,

and that's THE wine he picked.

Barack Obama came here?

Well, he chose the wine for his gala.

This is one of the best wine in the world.

Come on. Let's go somewhere where we can have a drink.

'This is the Diego de Lemos vineyard,

'home to the first Galician wines to be certified organic,

'all processed without machinery or chemicals,

'under the watchful eye of our host and head honcho, Esther.'

Hola! Are we here? Hola! Hello!

Finally, we found you.

I'm so grateful cos that was a tough climb.

'Esther inherited the vineyard from her parents 66 years ago,

'and to this day, still works on the heroic hillside with her team.

'Talk about commitment.

'It's an uphill battle just getting there.'

Esther, we've been very fortunate to see some incredible vineyards,

but nothing as spectacular as yours.

This is incredible.

Da mucho trabajo.

Yes, a lot of work. It's a lot of work.

It takes a lot of work.

And would you mind if I ask you, erm, how old you are?

Ochenta y seis. Hey!

86!

I mean, incredible respect

to continue working on these vineyards at 86.

He stopped working ten years ago at 36.

Ah! She goes every day to the vineyards.

Every day.

I'm a fellow winemaker.

I also have a vineyard on the island of Sardinia,

so I understand the hard work and passion she puts in the wine.

It's a vinegar vineyard.

Venga! Brava, salute, salute.

So this wine is called Diego de Lemos.

This is beautiful. Beautiful.

It's fresh, it's crisp, and it's very... apricotty.

Very good. Huh? It's beautiful.

This one is very fruity.

It's lovely. Look at the colour of that.

And it's slightly leathery,

and it's got that smell of petrichor, hasn't it?

WHISPERS: Sante.

Asi. Saludo.

Asi. Cheers.

Oh, oh. Asi. Vale. Ya esta.

Tell Esther I got an idea. We would love to cook for Esther.

Para cocinar... Muchas gracias.

Eh! Muchas gracias.

Tell her I'm with my assistant and my waiter.

Er, start to peel the potato, Gordon, please.

Start to peel the potato.

As far as Esther is concerned, you're my assistant.

Yeah, right.

So just, please, I want her to believe that I'm the head chef.

Yeah, dream on.

'We're cooking with incredible produce found right here

'on Esther's doorstep.

'So while Gino cooks the potatoes and dreams of becoming a head chef,

'I'm manning the main event, the beautiful Galician beef.'

All right, how long is it gonna take?

About eight to ten minutes each side.

Don't overcook it, yeah? Oh, here we go.

I wanted to ask Esther how old she was when she became a winemaker.

Esther was the first woman to produce wine here in the area...

Mm. ..because normally it's the man,

the men that goes there to produce the wine.

She's a rebel. It's a rebel!

She's a rebel. A rebel is.

Well done.

But why you moving my pans?

I need some space, man. OK, how much space you need?

All you're doing is peeling potatoes.

I'm doing the base of a bechamel sauce.

What is the secret not to make the bechamel sauce lumpy?

Your roux is hot, your milk is freezing cold.

Right?

And then the romesco sauce.

Chestnuts... Yeah.

..almonds.

I'm gonna lightly roast them.

Smell that.

Mm...

Look at that steak. See how that fat has melted beautifully now?

Let's just take them off to rest a little bit.

Look at that.

GINO CLEARS THROAT Gordon!

Clean up the floor as you're going. You should say, "Yes, chef".

Look at this beef. All right.

There you are.

How good is that? Mamma mia!

Fantastico. That's it.

All right, I'm ready when you are. Esther, we're coming.

Ah! Look at this. Oh, my Lord.

Oh, ho, ho! So this is your potatoes.

And this, my darling, is your amazing steak.

OK, buon appetito.

Buon appetito. Muchas gracias. All of this for you.

Oh! Hala! Si! Muchas gracias.

Thank you, Gordon. Thank you. Merci.

Excuse me. Thank you.

That looks delicious, guys.

Lovely.

Unbelievable, thank you. Le gusta?

Oh, she loves it!

Esther, for me as a professional chef,

what I love most about this particular gathering,

everything's local.

The beef, the potatoes, the cheese, the wine.

Doesn't get any better than that.

Can I say thank you for an amazing day?

Congratulations, and continued success. Esther!

Cheers. Bueno! Mwah!

Thank you. Bueno.

Can you tell Esther that I will send her a box of Gino vino...

Oh, no! ..my own one... Why?

Why are you doing that? Yes. Vino.

Te va a mandar el vino que el produce en Italia.

Te va a mandar una caja de vino, Esther.

Una caja de vino. Gino vino.

Esther, she's incredible.

You know, I mean, can you imagine, she is 86, and she's still working?

A different generation.

# Young at heart

# You're so young at heart. #

'Warm, dry, full of food,

'and thankfully, without a bottle of Gino vino anywhere to be seen,

'we're on route to the Galician capital, Santiago de Compostela.'

Esther, she reminds me so much of my mum,

even though she's ten years older than my mum,

and my mum still works.

A lot of it is voluntary,

and you just think, "Mum, slow down!"

But where do you think we'll be at 86?

I envisage myself on the island of Sardinia...

GORDON LAUGHS ..beautiful sun tan.

Long white hair, open chest. GORDON LAUGHS

Think about Peter Stringfellow, the Italian version.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

When I'm 86, someone here will be 96.

That's right. All right?

So that means at some point,

we need to get a Gordon, Gino and Fred electric wheelchair.

MUMBLES: Give me that, Gordon. Change my nappy.

We need to change your nappy every two seconds.

I'm not doing that. 86, I'm gonna be fit as a fiddle.

You soon probably gonna become a grandparent?

Hold on a minute, hold on.

Listen, you're having experience at the moment, taking Oscar to school.

People must think, "Oh, look, how sweet.

"Granddad is taking his kid to school."

Well, I'm... Oh, come on.

Only you can have a child at 50-all-the-years-old.

Well, that... that... that's a little bit unfair.

FRED LAUGHS

Oh, be careful here. Yeah, well...

Be care... Oh, this is tight, yeah? It's fine, it's fine.

Be careful of the mirror there. Be careful here.

Madonna! Oh, you're gonna break everything.

Er, Gordon, this is tight.

Er, Fred, of course it's tight. Have some faith.

Mate, you went down the wrong road.

You're going on someone's vineyard to turn this thing around now.

This is crazy.

You know that the RV's going on fire, right?

That's it, we're fucked. We're not fucked.

No? Well, we're stuck in the mud. We are stuck in the mud.

MUSIC: 'Stuck In The Middle' by Stealers Wheel

ENGINE REVS

We need to put some wood under the tyre. Let me...

You have no idea what you're doing.

Are we clear?

Fuck.

Maybe if you jump out, I'll do it without less weight.

Let me try it now.

You fucked it. I told you.

Watch your brand-new Lacoste trainers.

I'm getting my shoes all dirty.

# Clowns to the left of me

# Jokers to the right... #

Here you go. Gino! Can I get some coffee?

No, it's lighter. I think it's gonna work. Watch out!

You're getting stuck even worse in this thing.

Look at that.

Fred! Under the front wheels. Let's go!

Under the front wheel, of course.

I mean, my shoes are gonna be so dirty.

Let's try the wood.

Ay!

But this is a shamble. This is a shamble.

Fucking hell.

You messed it up, look what you done here.

Let's get a taxi.

A taxi! Where are we gonna get a taxi here?

We're in the middle of Galicia, Gordon.

Well, let's just do a fast-paced walk.

With these shoes on? Are you crazy? Er...

You sort it out now.

You are just impossible, you two.

Your Pradas are wet.

GORDON: 'We finally made it to the culinary capital of Galicia -

'Santiago de Compostela.'

Let's have a quiet one, please.

Let's have a quiet one.

That's it, the-the police van is coming.

'Having abandoned our trusty camper, Fred's keen to raise our spirits,

'so insisted we head to one of the city's most famous Celtic bars,

'Casa das Crechas.'

This bar's been here for years and years,

but you know what's very special about this bar is that

it's the Celt place for Galicia.

This is where you wanna come when you want to go

back to the origin of the people who live in this region.

Got you. I'm ready...

for the Celtic. I knew it. This... we would find a bar...

Sit down. ..and Justin is ready.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

And I got the... Sit down.

I can't believe you brought Justin Beaver, seriously?

Shall we have a drink? Let's go. Please.

I think we should have something typically Galician. Yeah.

Like some kind of spirits or something. What, what do you have?

So, aguardiente. Si.

It's Galician vodka and you distil it and you get... fire water.

'This spirit, known as Orujo, dates back to the Middle Ages.

'It can be mixed with different flavours, coffee, cream or anise.

'It's probably the most well-known distilled liqueur in Spain,

'and you'll certainly remember all about it in the morning.'

OK, so we'll have one shot, one shot, one shot, one shot.

Thank you.

Cheers. Thanks, Alex.

'Whichever flavour you pair it with, it's got one hell of a kick.'

This is very strong, yeah. This is... this is like water.

S-S-Shit. That's like petrol. I like him!

Oh, God. Mm!

You're a Galician, right? You're already Galician.

No, no, no, no!

With this, with this one. You don't worry about it.

I know what I'm doing. Oh, my God. Per favor.

That's, er, le cocka-tail, to killed it.

The Gino D'Acampos. Gino.

You're gonna be... Gino. Gordon, say something.

Taste it together. No. No, no, seriously.

Taste it.

Come on, Justin.

Do you want to touch my beaver? Sure. Can I?

Ruff!

Don't worry, he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. Sit down.

'Orujo is also the base of the very traditional Galician drink called

'Queimada, a mystical punch steeped in Celtic folklore.

'And you might even describe its preparation as eccentric.'

Who is this guy?

That's a Queimada. That's our local beverage maker.

Careful. You're gonna set the place on fire.

Ooh, he's Harry Potter.

He's burning it down with sugar, lemon peel, orange peel and coffee,

and you have to let it burn for a while.

And you see the sugar and the orange and all that.

It's all gonna caramelise. It's like a mulled wine.

Can we try it? Yeah.

It's... you're done. That's... Yeah?

Oh, this is lovely. It smells of orange.

Go for it. Go on. Don't pretend.

ALL COUGHING, SPLUTTERING

FRED RETCHING

That stuff, no.

Honestly.

Unless I was stripping the paint from the living room. Er...

that was rancid.

# I put a spell on you... #

GARBLED CHANTING

Delia Smith.

GARBLED CHANTING

Nigella Lawson.

GARBLED CHANTING

Antony Worrall Thompson.

No, just give a little bit to the beaver.

Ooh... Look!

LAUGHTER

You idiot!

They were doing like a, a voodoo thing.

The only thing I knew, my beaver go on fire.

Don't worry about Daddy.

You have to blow it after you drink.

Not the beaver, the fucking... Oh, the thing, oh! ..the drink.

Why would you want to blow my beaver?

To dry it.

Being in a Celtic bar is boisterous enough.

Being in a Celtic bar smelling singed beaver, not good.

This is a second degree burn.

Why you got sunglasses, Gino?

The sun is not even shining. Why you got sunglasses?

Si, but last night we went for it. I'm not taking the sunglasses off.

'While Gino was praying to be hangover free this morning,

'I was hoping for an RV, and, thankfully, I got my wish.

'It's back. I made a call to a friend.

'So we can finally take in the sights of Santiago de Compostela.'

Look how pretty it is. Beautiful.

You know, it's very Medieval isn't it? It's very what?

Medieval.

Medi-evil!

'The cathedral is one of the city's most iconic buildings

'and also the final stop for the 350,000 who visit every year,

'walking the Camino de Santiago trail.'

Look at this!

Just take it in, man. Take it where?

FRED AND GORDON: Take it in. Where?

Take it in. Ah!

The view. Inside my head.

'But we're not just here to sightsee,

'we're here to gather ingredients for our final Spanish feast

'to celebrate the end of our trip.

'And for a chef, the best place to worship is

'Mercado de Abastos - a huge 150-year-old fresh food market

'and the second most visited attraction after the cathedral.'

You ready?

So you gonna park... You can't park here.

..the RV in the middle of the piazza? Yes! Yes!

But you can't do that, Gordon. We're gonna get a ticket.

Why do you need a handbag to go to a market?

Every man needs a handbag.

Look at that.

Don't you just love the smell and the noise of a market, right?

'There's so much inspiration here.' Buongiorno!

Look at that handshake there.

Oh, my Lord!

'With almost 70 vendors selling some of the freshest, most unique produce

'northern Spain has to offer,

'it's alive with activity and a reminder

'of why I fell in love with this country in the first place.'

So, here I wanna get a delicacy that I don't think any of you

have tasted before. Percebes.

What is that? Sea barnacles.

But they look prehistoric, they look like claws.

I know one thing about percebes - they got the biggest willy in the

animal kingdom. Oh, la, la, la, la.

50 times the size of the animal.

And where is the willy? Well, it's inside.

Uno kilo. Un kilo?

Si, and some octopus. And some octopus, yeah.

Gracias, madam. They're super expensive by the way. 70 euros.

Seven zero? Yes.

For one kilo there? It's a delicacy.

And it doesn't look it, does it? Look at that. They are incredible.

Gracias. Thank you for those. 70 euro for a mouthful of willy.

Hey, good morning. This is... Oh, hello.

Como sa? Bello.

It's cow's milk. It's cow's milk.

The difference between these two is that this one is raw milk,

so it's softer, and the other one is ecological.

It's the most sold Galician cheese in Spain.

What is the name of the cheese? We name it tetilla. Tetilla?

Breast, or nipple. Ah, boobies.

Because of the shape. Yeah, it's...

Can I? Er, yes.

Boob. This is the right size.

This is a tit cheese. Mm! Stop it.

Stop. Hey, we're in a marketplace.

Don't... Embrace the tetilla. Mm-mm...

Yeah, embrace the local traditions.

Now you're gonna compare it to an Italian titty cheese.

Well, this is like the Zizzona.

Oh, my God.

In south of Italy, we have the same, but it's a big booby.

The breast ones. And I have to give you change.

We need vegetables. No, I've got two veg with me.

That market was just magic.

Now we've got the most amazing ingredients in the RV,

let's find somewhere to park up and cook a delicious lunch.

Why do you always have to drive? A - I'm the most experienced,

B - last time we drove, you nearly killed us.

Yeah, but that's because I got distracted,

but I-I promise I won't do that.

No, you tried to compete in areas where you should not be competing.

I wanna drive as well, because I'm always at the back here.

I'm stuck like a sausage, you know what I mean?

I'd like to drive a little bit. You're French. And so?

They can't... they can't drive at the best of times.

It's true. French people, you can't drive.

Oh, you can talk, you're from Naples!

There isn't a single car without a dent in Naples, Gino.

It's ridiculous. I'm driving, I'm the safest,

I'm the most experienced and I am hugging the wheel.

Oh, I've got an idea.

Oh, no.

Around here, they do what they call aqua karting. What?

Imagine a go-kart but on water. Oh!

And I think it's only fair... Right.

..that we're gonna go there and the winner is gonna drive.

But hold on, I'm twice the size of you, OK? Don't start with excuses.

I'm gonna kick both of your arses. Ah! So win.

I'm gonna win. All right, go. Go.

Once for all, we're gonna find out who is the best driver.

'I'm putting lunch on hold

'as I never like to miss an opportunity

'to put these two spare wheels back in their place.

'Not since the Spanish Armada set sail in 1588

'has such an epic battle been waged on water.

'My place in the driver's seat is in serious jeopardy,

'pride is on the line and the stakes couldn't be higher.

'It's very simple - fastest lap wins.'

Oh, no, he's got his driving gloves on.

He's got his wife's... He's got his wife's black gloves on.

You gonna go first. Oh, my God! I'm going first.

Listen, you don't need the gloves. Take the gloves off.

No, the gloves is good for racing. OK, good luck.

I'm going, yeah? Good luck.

I feel like Super Mario.

You look like it. Oh, my God!

Wait for the whistle! No problem.

WHISTLE Wait for the whistle!

I am waiting for the whistle! I am!

WHISTLE Go!

Bye, baby, bye!

Come on, Gino! Woo!

Shit!

Wow! That's it! He's fast.

Woo! Woo!

Ooh! Oh! Ooh!

Too fast, too fast! Ooh! Oh, no!

He hit the barrier.

Across the line, cross the line. GINO SCREAMS

Man!

'At 34 seconds, that was pretty fast,

'and unusual for an Italian driver...

'he didn't beep his horn once.'

This is dangerous.

Wow!

Well done. Well done. Guys... Was it good?

Well done, that was good. It was good. It was very good.

So much fun. Right, Fred, in you go. Good luck.

Go on, hold on. Fred, do you need these?

No, he doesn't need gloves. No.

Au revoir!

No, I wouldn't trust him in a fucking bathtub.

Hey! Turn around, you idiot!

He's like a wet French duck.

OK, stand by!

On your mark! Get set!

WHISTLE Ride!

Woo-hoo! Look at where you go.

He's gonna kill himself. Look at the French bullet.

He needs to go under the bridge, eh?

He did it. Very good. Wow.

Look at him, look at him. That's fast, that is fast.

He's gonna go off. He's gonna tip it.

Here he's gonna have problems. Here he's gonna have problems.

Look, look, look, here he's gonna have problems.

That's, that, that's... You need to prepare for... Oh! Oh!

LAUGHTER

OK!

It was going well until that curve!

You cannot drive!

'Finally, it was my turn to ride the waves and wipe out the competition.'

Be careful, eh? You ready? Yes, of course I'm fucking ready.

Oh! Don't tip it, Gordon.

Really?

Look at that. He looks like an elephant on a tricycle.

Three, two, one!

WHISTLE Go! Come on, let's go!

He'll sink, he's too big. Come on, baby!

He's gonna go over. Oh, mama mia! Look, only...

Piano!

Is he going under there?

Yes!

Very good. He's gonna go very fast here,

but now the waves are going to hit him.

Come on, Gordon, push it!

Oh!

Come on, look, he's gonna hit the waves there.

Do you know what? He's gonna fall in the water.

Oh my... Ohhh!

Oh, my God!

Yes!

YES!

'It was close, but never in doubt.

'At 33 seconds, I'm the fastest.' Come on back!

'Leaving me behind the wheel where I belong.'

Come back!

# I

# I was born a free man

# You don't have to tell me Cos I know. #

Well, that was a waste of bloody time, wasn't it?

Ooh, shit! Erm... GORDON CHUCKLES

Straight-line speed is what it's all about.

Also, more importantly, looking at the wake.

The wake that you're causing BEHIND your aqua karts.

How cool is that? Oh, huh?

Come on. At least say congratulations.

Er, Gino, do you know that it's legal to be naked in Spain?

What? Any congratulations...

or are you just in the little French puff?

You won fair and square, OK, but can we just move on now?

SPANISH GUITAR MUSIC

This is a beautiful coast here, huh, isn't it?

'We've reached the end of our culinary pilgrimage around Spain

'and with Galicia boasting over 900 miles of coastline,

'what better place to conclude our journey than the beach?'

It reminds me of Cornwall.

I never been to Cornwall. You've never been to Cornwall?

It's quite far, though, from London, isn't it? Oh!

It's 90 minutes in a helicopter.

Yeah, well, not all of us have an 'elicopter,

so, er, please forgive us.

This year, when I get my helicopter licence,

I will come and pick you both up and we'll spend an afternoon

having a bite to eat and I'll fly you back. How does that sound?

No, no, no, with another pilot next to you, though? No.

On your own? Yes.

GINO SPEAKS ITALIAN No, I...

Who do you think you are? Top Gun?

I just thought what a way to celebrate,

we go to Cornwall for the weekend. Well, think again.

Up for it, Freddo?

Erm...

I'm with Gino on this one. What?

# Ride in to the Danger Zone... #

'Despite rudely turning down a ride with my chopper,

'they were both more than happy

'to let me cook our incredible market produce

'on the idyllic coast.'

OK, let's get organised, please, just for once.

I'm getting the "horny" down. The what?

This, the "horny"?

Horny? Awning!

Aw-ning. I get the awning down. How do you take it down?

Oh, where are the instruction of this RV? You just pull it out.

Look at that. Gino, you are a star.

Mind your heads! Gordon.

Fucking hell, Gino. Gino! Gordon, move! Jesus Christ!

OK, this is too... this is too low.

That's better. Professional campers.

'Professional campers? Professional plonkers, more like.

'Something tells me this is gonna be a long day.'

You fancy a beer? Please.

We're drinking already? There, lovely, finally.

I've got this Galician Estrella, it's the original recipe from 1906.

Have a beer.

Ooh, it's strong that, no?

No, it's... It's strong, cheers. Good health.

It's the local beer. It's nice. Cheers.

Look at the view, guys.

'When it comes to Spanish cooking, simplicity is key.

'Maximum taste with minimum effort, which is exactly what comes to mind

'when working with these two simpletons.'

Hey, come... Let-Let's sit down after we cook.

I wanna cook the percebes, the barnacles.

Come on, guys. Jesus Christ! Bring out the percebes, please.

Er, you not gonna help out, or just... lounge?

But what do you want me to do?

'While Fred's making pathetic excuses,

'Gino and I are making two delicious Spanish dishes.

'I'm steaming percebes with lemons, beer and bay leaves,

'while Gino's whipping up a warm Galician octopus salad.'

Right, er, Gino, let's go, please, yes?

In Italy... We're in Spain.

Forget Italy just for two minutes, please.

This has to look rustic.

Trust me, it's looking rustic all right.

Then we're gonna put a shallot onion in there.

You fry the onions off first. You don't put them at the end.

Oh, no, like a sal... Remember, it's a salad, we're making a salad.

Mr Ramsay, watch and learn. Oh, please!

Now, watch, twist at the end.

Some of the most expensive shellfish on the planet.

Wah! LAUGHTER

Ready?

Don't...

Stop! Do I really have to?

It's a delicacy. Treat it with some respect.

OK. OK?

Describe that.

Slightly chewy, which is nice. Yes.

But tender in the middle. Yes. Right? Yes.

Salty to perfection, I have to say. Thank you.

'Of course, nobody's perfect

'but 17 Michelin stars puts me damn close.

'But what Gino's doing with that octopus is anyone's guess.'

Gino, what ingredients do you have?

The salad bit is flat leaf parsley, then we have, er, capers,

green olives, shallots

and extra virgin olive oil, lemon and salt.

And then the secret is the hot potato and octopus

going into the cold dressing. Octopus salad. Nice.

I'm so excited for these, guys.

How long for the octopus, please? We're done.

We toss everything together. Forza, ragazzi, forza.

OK, done, finished.

That actually looks quite nice. Yum, yum. That's beautiful.

Seriously, I would've fried the capers, personally, but hey.

Yeah? OK.

A meal of champions.

Fantastico!

Thank you. Oh, thank you.

Gents, take your lemon wedge... One sec.

..and squeeze gently over the percebes.

Oh, my goodness me.

Don't look like that.

This is better than any clam, any whelks, any oyster, any day.

These are the real deal.

It does look like a willy, though, is it?

It does. It does.

Right, the octopus.

Freddo?

When you go to a tapas bar anywhere in the world,

you got pulpo a la gallega,

and this is where this recipe come from. I love it.

De-licious.

You're tasting the very best of Spain now, right?

But we have this in Italy as well.

I appreciate Spanish cuisine better than British cuisine.

But that's normal. FRED LAUGHS

That's not a big, er, task to ask yourself.

Fish and chips boy. Anyway.

I'm going in. Are you upset?

Every country we go,

you say that it's better than Italian, er, er, thing.

Why is he getting so touchy? God knows.

Very sensitive, huh? Yeah, very.

Alexa, is Italian food better than Spanish food?

ALEXA: 'Italian food is good, but I think Spanish food is better.'

LAUGHTER

Oh, my goodness!

Sit down, sit down. What's all...?

Sit, sit. Well, you ask a question, you get an answer. There you go.

You can't disagree that the food was delicious. Yeah.

What unbelievable food. Unbelievable, yeah.

Everywhere we went. I agree.

What an extraordinary trip.

'It's been a big eye opener for me.

'Andalucia, Galicia are just amazing.'

I've seen things and I've tasted food

that I was not expecting to see and taste.

I'm happy they're now sold on how beautiful Spain is,

and what they produce is just a dream. Yeah, what a joy.

You know why I love to go round the world with you two,

on this road trip?

Because I always learn something new.

I always taste something new. Yeah.

Huh? I know what you mean.

That's how cool is our job, our job is like... Wow.

We never stop learning. Yeah.

It's been just a beautiful trip.

I cannot describe how I feel right now.

This has been sensational.

You travel the world with, er, two best friends

like Gordon and Fred.

This kind of luck doesn't happen to everybody

and I hope we're gonna do this for the next 30 years.

Well, 30 years, Gordon is gonna be 90.

Or maybe ten.

Ten, next ten years is OK.

# I'd do it all again... #

Do you know what I would love to do? I'd love to go for a swim.

For a dip? Yeah.

Oh, my... Come on, let's go. Yeah?

Are you coming, Gordon? Am I hell. No.

SPANISH SONG PLAYS

Oh... Jesus Christ!

No wonder you're not cold with all that hair on there.

The fucking Galician werewolf.

What the hell?

Oh, my G... No, Fred, Fred. Are you two seriously going down?

Yeah! Come on, let's go for a swim. I'll be the lifeguard.

When Gino and I want to be free with nature,

I really don't understand why Gordon doesn't come with us.

LAUGHING: No!

Fucking hell, no!

'He's so uptight.'

He's not comfortable with his manhood.

Get your dick off me! Gino!

He needs to let go. What's wrong with the man?

Get the fuck out of it! Jesus!

Must be that, surely.

Come on, Gordon! You only live once!

Come on! Don't be boring! Gordon!

Oh, my God.

Free Willy! You're crazy!

THEY SHRIEK

'And I thought Jamie Oliver was the Naked Chef.'

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