All language subtitles for ALF - S01E02 - Strangers in the Night SDTV

Thursday, 6 .30 p .m.

It started out like any other night.

Meatloaf. The third time that week.

But I digress.

Here's what happened.

I was being my usual charming self,
spending some quality time with the

lad.

See, when you bend Mr. Manifest this
way, he becomes a communication

Whoa, I'm impressed.

Yeah. What does missile man become when
you bend him like this?

He becomes broken.

Sorry, B.

Lynn, we're going to be late for the
shower.

Has anybody seen the yellow ribbon?

I don't know. What color is it?

Ha! Yeah!

I kill me.

Ha -ha! You kill me!

Glenn, no arguments. It's time to get
ready for bed, okay?

Oh, sorry, Al. I guess we'll have to
play later.

Obviously not with Missile Man.

Oh, wait. Here's that ribbon.

But it's wet.

Forgot to tell you. You're out of floss.

Maybe there's a chance I can find some
ribbon without meat on it.

Not in that drawer.

I might have some meatless ribbon in the
garage.

Forget the ribbon. A blender doesn't
need ribbon.

Okay. You have Joanna's number, right?
We won't have any problem. Brian's going

to bed. I've got a lot of reading to
catch up on, and I'm sure Alf will find

something to do.

Make sure he doesn't.

Oh, I'll get it.

Hey, don't worry about the old Alfer.

Gentle Nine's running psycho.

Oh, by the way, we're out of popcorn.

I'll put it on the shopping list next to
Floth.

No chance to run out now and get it, I
suppose.

Right. I'll just see if I can scrounge a
few kernels from the sofa.

Ready. What do you think?

I love that dress.

Thanks. Willie, we're leaving.

Hold on, hold on. That was Herb from the
office.

The computer's down. He can't access the
files. I've got to go in and reload the

backup. You have to go now?

I've got no choice. The budget's due
tomorrow.

Honey, we can't leave Brian alone.

I'm here. Well, maybe I could take him
with me.

It's a school night. He goes to bed in
ten minutes. I'll stay.

Well, you can't. You're in the wedding
party.

I'm not.

This is just great. What are we going to
do now?

Um, hello.

How about me?

For what?

To sit with Brian.

What do you think?

Do I think we should let an alien from
outer space watch Psycho while our son

sleeps in the other room?

Hey, no problem. Just leave me the keys
to the liquor cabinet.

Maybe we can get Mrs. Ekmanek to sit.

Good idea. I'll call her.

Nice to know I'm trusted around here.
Alf, Alf, Alf.

When you ask for the keys to the liquor
cabinet... Hey, William.

I was kidding.

Ha -ha.

I mean, don't you get it? You think I'd
actually go near the liquor cabinet or

even take my eyes off the kid for a
second?

Come on, get with it. These are the
jokes, man.

The jokes.

The jokes. Yeah. Oh.

Ha -ha.

I'm sorry. I guess I misunderstood.

I guess if we knew you were kidding...
Mrs. Ogmonic will be here in five

minutes. Thanks. God.

So, this is my prison for the night.
It's not a prison.

It's our bedroom.

One man's bedroom is another man's
prison.

Well, there's plenty to keep you
occupied. We've got magazines. This is a

puzzle.

It's broken.

That's the object.

You're supposed to put it together.

Why? I didn't break it.

Here's your favorite comic book, Shauna,
Mistress of the Universe.

I don't want Shauna.

I want Mrs. Bates.

Alf, we'll run psycho another night,
okay? Now, if you can just promise that

can stay completely away from Mrs.
Akmanek, then maybe in the future we'll

you babysit.

Don't toy with my emotions, Willie.

Look,

Alf.

You think you can keep your end of this
bargain?

Mrs. O will never know I'm here.

I'll get it. Oh, Al. Just kidding, just
kidding.

Come on, where's the fun around here?

Oh, you're a lifesaver, Mrs. McMonic.
Oh, please, it's Raquel.

And it's my pleasure.

Trevor's watching some stupid ballgame,
so this works out just fine.

Channel 9 is showing Psycho. So I hear.

Willie.

Have you been having trouble sleeping
lately?

No, why?

Well, far be it for me to pry, but
recently it seems your TV has been on

late.

You know, now you mention it, I really
have had trouble sleeping lately.

You know, I couldn't help but notice how
much garbage you've been putting out

lately. Well, if I didn't know any
better, I'd think you've been taking in

forders.

You know how it is when I can't sleep,
I...

I eat.

My Trevor is the same way.

Is this a new land?

Mrs. Zygmanek, Mrs.

Zygmanek, I really have to go now.
Here's the number. I'll only be gone a

of hours.

Don't worry about a thing.

Oh, and please stay out of the bedroom,
if you don't mind. It's kind of a mess.

Whatever you say.

Please stay out of the bedroom.

Does he think I am?

Nope.

Thank you. The room seems very nice.

Yes, sir.

Let me open it.

Why, thank you. Meanwhile in the
bedroom, I was just finishing the jigsaw

when I heard the haunting strains of the
movie.

I so desperately wanted to see.

Thank you.

I learned one thing about eating jigsaw
puzzles.

An hour later, you're hungry again.

Yo, Pizza Barge. Yeah, I'd like to order
one large special, The Works,

to travel.

167 Hemdale.

Grazie. Oh, oh, and listen, uh...

Could you leave it by the oak tree in
the backyard?

I don't know. I'm superstitious.

Please. I can't wake you.

No, Mother, I won't. I decided

to go outside and wait for the pizza.

Big mistake.

Trevor, get over here quick. I think
there's somebody else in this house.

Trevor, what took you so long?

The Dodgers batted around.

Now what's so important that I have to
leave the game? I think there's somebody

else in this house. I heard a scream.

Don't wake me up when you come home.

It wasn't...

The scream I heard came from the back
bedroom.

Maybe it was the cat.

No cat would scream like that.

Maybe it was in heat.

It sounded like a human scream and it
came from this room.

All right, all right.

I'm going in.

If I don't come back, you can start
dating.

I've already tried it. It's locked.

Now it's open.

What, are you narrating this?

He even told me to stay out of this
room.

Look in the bathroom.

Oh, for crying out loud.

Hey! Trevor, what is it?

They got one of them cushioned toilet
seats.

Let's get one, Raquel. I'm tired of
living in the dark ages.

Just check the window, will you?

Yeah, it's locked.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going back
and watch the Dodgers blow a big lead.

As for me, my only thought was to get
back to my room and rake myself.

A light snack would hold me over until
the pizza came.

Unfortunately, Lucky had the same idea.

Pizza barge.

One soup for Sicilian.

That's me.

Here's your pizza.

Sorry I couldn't leave it by a tree.
It's against company policy.

I don't understand.

Well, you see, the last time we left one
by a tree, a squirrel died.

No, I didn't order a pizza, and I
refused to pay for it. Lady, it's

for. House account.

Oh, in that case.

What about my tip?

Is this enough?

Sure. In some states, I can still make a
phone call.

They could still make a phone call.

Trevor, did you order a pizza and have
it sent over here?

What are you talking about?

Well, the strangest thing just happened.
A pizza ride already paid for.

You're telling me you got a pizza there?

That's right.

I'll be right over.

Trevor, you're not going to believe
this, but it's gone.

What's gone? The pizza.

You didn't even leave me a slice.

I didn't eat it. It disappeared.

Trevor, something's going on in this
house between us. The noises and the

screams and this pizza thing.

What are you talking about? There's a
pizza over there on the counter.

Well, I'll be go to the market. It's
back.

I'll be go to the market? Yes, it's
back.

Delicious.

Could be a little hotter.

Just stay here and watch the game. I
don't want to be alone.

Take it easy, Raquel.

I haven't seen you this bad since the
eclipse.

Fine. Then you tell me where the pizza
went.

I'll do better than that.

I'll tell you where it's going.

I had done everything I could think of
to pass the time.

One thing was certain.

Blue was not my color.

Hello?

What are you doing answering the phone?

I live here.

Where's Mrs. Egmonic? She lives next
door.

I know she lives... Where is she now?

I don't know. Last time I saw her, she
was giving away my pizza.

I called to speak to Mrs. Akmanek.

Just a minute, I'll get her.

No, don't move out of that room. I'll
call back.

You're done.

Kid.

Hello?

Why do you keep answering the phone?

You keep calling.

Is everything all right?

Everything's fine.

Oh, oh, and the cat's going to be okay.

The cat? What happened to the cat?

I closed the refrigerator door on his
tail.

What were you doing in the kitchen?

Well, I had a break in the back door
after I fell out the window.

Where are you now? What are you doing?

I'm in the bedroom wearing a blue dress.

Don't move from that spot.

Where would I go?

I don't have the right shoes.

I'm coming home.

I should have locked them in the garage.

Forget about it, Raquel. I'm not putting
my pants back on.

I think I saw somebody in the bushes.

Maybe it was another pizza.

Operator, this is an emergency.

What's the number for 911?

And then it happened.

He came into my life.

At first.

I thought it was Santa Claus.

Then it soon dawned on me.

Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap
wine.

Besides, he was beginning to fill up his
bag with stuff that didn't belong to

him.

I was scared stiff, but I knew I had to
do something.

I realized for that moment I was the man
of the house.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

May I have a word with you?

Who said that?

I did.

Can you take some constructive
criticism?

What you're doing here is wrong.

Must be one of them talking dolls.

Oh, yeah? Ever have a talking doll rip
out your voice box?

So I heard.

No, no, Mrs. O 'Connor.

I don't know what's going on here.

I hope the police get here soon.

Police? Weird things have been going on
in this house all night, especially in

your bedroom.

Lynn, take Mrs. O 'Connor into the
kitchen and give her some tea.

Okay, Mom.

Come on, Mrs. O 'Connor. Would you
prefer herbal tea or regular?

I'd prefer scotch.

How was the shower?

In the world?

Alf, what are you doing in my dress?

Sorry, I thought it was Linz.

You've really done it this time. Any
semblance of faith or trust I had in you

is... I could explain. What could you
possibly say that would explain what's

happened in this house tonight?

Tonight, I set a thief on the straight
and narrow.

What are you talking about? Willie, my
jewelry box is missing.

So are my good gold couplings, and my
good watch. And my antique cameo.

Where are they?

Probably being pawned.

Wait a minute. What? Look.

Look. There really was a thief in the
toilet tonight, wasn't there, Alf?

Two of them.

One took your jewels, the other took my
pizza.

The police are here.

What'd you do, Alf?

Sure. Blame the guy in the dress.

Don't make a sound.

Stay right here.

And take off that dress.

All right, but I feel it only fair to
warn you. I'm not wearing anything

underneath.

Come on, lighten up.

What?

Mr. and Mrs. Tanner, we're responding to
your call.

Can you identify this property? That's
my jewelry box. Those are my cufflinks.

This man chased our car for two blocks,
claiming he'd stolen this merchandise.

I did. I swear I did. I deserved a
maximum penalty.

Relax, pal.

If you'll come down to the station and
fill out a report, you can reclaim your

property if you want it.

Fine. Let's go. Ask him. You said you'd
ask him. Now ask him.

This man claims he saw some hideous
creature with a huge nose.

Wearing a blue dress.

He says it talked to him.

It did. I swear it did.

Thank you, Lynn.

I think I'll be going home now.

Well, at least you can't plead insanity.

Good night.

Willie. I know what you're thinking, but
we got through it.

Everything's all right.

Everything's back to normal.

Hey, could somebody zip me in here?

On May 18th, Andrew Themenik was
convicted in municipal court of breaking

entering with intent to commit burglary.

He waived his rights to a jury trial in
lieu of psychiatric help.

Mrs. Raquel Achmanek wasn't as
fortunate.

She was sentenced to life with Trevor.

As for the old Alfer, I remain my usual
humble self, unaffected by the events of

one very strange evening and my heroic
participation in them.

So, anyway, there I was, looking Mr.

Death in the eye.

Was I scared?

Ha! I said to him, Hey, pal, you don't
know who you're dealing with.

Sausage, Willie, I said sausage!

I'm telling you.