Original subtitles

This is the way it began, that extraordinary night, the night he came.

I'm going to be in the garage calling them Boisha.

Me too.

Who's named Boisha? Boisha's my friend in Yugoslavia.

Dad, can I look through the telescope?

Of course, my son enjoyed the cosmos.

Dad. Can I talk to Natalie after you're through? Sure.

I want to tell her about my new boyfriend.

New boyfriend?

What's his name?

Lash.

Lash?

Not his real name, is it?

You don't approve, do you?

I don't even know.

Lash.

This is K726SAA Los Angeles calling Belgrade.

How you guys doing? Fine. Dad hates Lash. And I'm looking for Venus.

Did you find it?

No, but the neighbors are watching Body Eat again.

Stop buying on people.

Just get ready for bed.

I'm hungry.

Well, that's because you didn't eat your mashed potatoes.

I don't like mashed potatoes. Come on. Did anyone feed the cat?

I'll feed him. Feed him my mashed potatoes.

Lucky eats cat food.

Now I know why we named him Lucky.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure.

You all right?

Yeah, I guess the CB must have crossed circuits with a short wave.

You know, it's not easy being a 16 -year -old.

I know I'm immature sometimes, but, you know, you put so much... I was talking

about Lynn.

Lynn. Right.

Was there a problem there? She thinks you hate her boyfriend.

Such a bright girl.

I'll talk to her right away.

We'll get this thing straightened out. Let me just shut this thing off.

Oh, what's that noise?

Oh, my gosh.

It's the infrared radio band.

I've locked into something's face. A pulsar or a satellite.

Hello? Hello? This is K726XAA.

Can you read me?

They're answering, but I don't recognize the language.

Why don't you just shut it off?

I can't. I can't control it. It's locked in on a signal.

Willie? Well, then what's that?

Oh, my gosh.

It can't be.

The lights! What happened to the lights?

Daddy! Daddy! What's that thing in the sky? What's going on? It's closing in

fast. I think maybe we better...

We...

We have a visitor.

and stay with me.

Oh, my gosh.

It's hairy.

Let's put it over here. Not on the couch.

Lynn, clear off the coffee table, Lynn.

Quick. It's heavy.

Heavy and hairy.

I

can't

believe it.

What do you think it is?

A real alien.

Willie.

Willie, what is it?

I don't know.

Brian's right.

It's an elf.

What? An elf.

An A -L -F. That's short for alien life form.

Can I stay in my room?

No. No, this thing is not staying in anyone's room. It's not staying.

E .T. was a movie. This is real.

This is on our coffee table.

This is incredible.

Truly amazing.

After all those years of wondering and hoping that it might be possible to

contact alien life, to have this happen, it's a miracle.

It's the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. We've got to get rid of it.

Absolutely.

We don't know anything about it. It could be dangerous. It could be disease.

It could be hostile or have hostile friends or acquaintances.

It could be anything. Your mother's right. We'd better report it to the

authorities. But what if the authorities do something to it?

Yeah, what if they poke needles in it?

No, they wouldn't poke needles in it.

Would they, Willie?

Well, they could.

I don't think they would, but they could. And they might.

I know this is very exciting, but I don't see any alternative. We've got to

report this.

What other choice do we have?

Oh, can I make a suggestion?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Well, if it's not too much trouble, how about fixing my

spaceship?

Hello? Read my lips.

It's tough.

It's heavy.

It's hairy, and it's hot.

Good. Now, how about fixing my spaceship so I can get my heavy, hairy body out

of here?

I'm not sure I can fix your spaceship.

I mean, not tonight, not in the dark.

Yeah, you could use a light in that driveway.

You know, I've been meaning to put one up there, but you know how it is. You

busy with one thing and another. Really? Oh, sorry.

seems so human. Hey, there's no need for name calling.

I don't think we should get too friendly, Willie.

She's right.

Let's have a snack now. We'll get friendly later.

Snack? What kind of a snack?

You got a cat?

You eat cats?

You can't eat Lucky.

No, no cat eating. Not in this house.

All right, all right. How about a cat food can?

I could use the roughage.

Can we give Alice a can, Mom?

Please?

All right.

A dented one.

Come on, Al.

We're going with you. Trust me about as far as you can throw me.

That is amazing. Isn't that amazing?

Willie, will you come down to Earth for a minute? An alien being has come to

live with us and eat our cans and snack on our cat.

Yeah, this will do fine.

Just give me one day, okay?

If I can't get Alf going, we'll tell somebody. Just one day.

Okay.

He's quick. I'll give him that.

out of there?

Nothing. Just screaming.

Move out of the way.

No problem.

Let me put it this way, Willie.

I don't think this is going to work out.

I'll take care of this.

Everything's fine.

Everything's under control.

Come on, come on, over here by me.

We have a little problem we have to discuss.

Yeah, Lynn and I got to gabbing last night, and she sort of feels... Boy,

blind as a bat, aren't you?

No problem.

You must understand that Kate is very nervous about this whole thing.

Absolutely.

She doesn't smell.

You're calling me a liar? Just keep your distance, all right?

And try to be considerate. No problem.

That is not considerate. That is the opposite of considerate. That is

inconsiderate.

Let's just settle down here.

Let's take this one step at a time.

There's no need for you to shave. You'll look fine.

I'm going to take a shower now. Count me in.

I'd love to take it alone.

Thank you.

Okay. Just don't use all the hot water.

Do you mind?

Never saw a thing.

Stay away from the window. We've got a very nosy neighbor, Mrs. Akhmanek.

Akhmanek? Sounds like a typo.

Just don't let her see you. She might turn you in.

between a kangaroo and an aardvark?

Ah, stop putting yourself down.

I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about that thing staring at me from the

bathroom window.

What?

I don't see nothing.

Well, it was there a second ago, and I think it was shaving.

Yeah, right. And I'm Sean Penn.

Would you hand me something to dry off?

little help.

I don't know much about this thing. Me either. I just turn the key and it goes.

I'll get the wrench, Dad.

Hey, Lynn, you don't happen to have a phone in here, do you? No, why?

KLVZ bonus tune.

15th caller wins a new Porsche.

Oh, wait. Forget it. Must be a licensed driver. Wrench, please. I'm a licensed

driver. Quick, what's the name of the tune?

Wrench, please.

Born in the USA.

Area code 3 -1 -1 -5 -5 -5 -9 -8 -4

-5. Sorry,

Dad. Thank you.

I think you'd better try to make contact with your people.

I have.

have to love me for as long as it lasts.

We will.

Big wheel keep on turning.

Proud Mary keep on burning.

Two, three, four, rolling.

Lucky the man.

Do you get Sesame Street where you live?

No, and frankly, I don't get it here either.

If you said it was the cow riding on the subway, you're absolutely right.

Brilliant. This and the letter I in one day.

I gotta get something to drink.

Me too.

Gotta get something to drink.

We're parched.

Okay, but no soda pop and nothing to eat before dinner.

Yes, ma 'am. Yes, ma 'am.

Jeez, what's with the warden?

I said no soda pop.

It's not soda pop. It's beer.

Hey, careful.

His is still full.

Now you just listen to me, Alf. I will not allow this kind of behavior in my

house. This boy is only six years old. He is not to drink beer, and you are not

to drink beer.

And I don't know what it's like on Mork or whatever planet you come from, but...

Melmac.

What?

Melmac. That was the name of my planet.

It's also what it was made out of.

What do you mean, was?

Well, you see, that's the thing, Kate. Uh, ma 'am.

Melmac's history.

Um, are you trying to tell me that you can't go back to Melmac?

It exploded.

This was my street.

Now, if Willie fixes my ship, I suppose I could start a new life somewhere else

on some desolate...

Crater -filled asteroid.

Spend the rest of my life fending off gamma rays.

No, Alf, no.

We want you to stay here with us, don't we, Mom?

Brian, please, try to understand.

Hey, the kid wants me to stay.

Alf, do you mind?

Oh, yeah, no problem.

Honey, we can't hide Alf forever, and I can't go on like this.

Watching him every moment, wondering what he's going to do next.

my heart.

How you doing, Lucky?

See? No problem.

Oh, no. Who could that be?

I don't know.

Don't answer it, Mom. Please.

Ryan, I am going to answer the door.

No. Yes, it's probably just Mrs. Archmonic, but even if it's not. It's

What? It's not Mrs.

Archmonic. Unless he's just joined the army.

It is a military man.

What if he wants to take Alva away?

I don't know, Brian.

But if that's what he's here for, and if I decide that's the right thing to do,

you just have to understand, okay?

Yes, Mom.

We gave it to the office!

Did you fix the spaceship?

I'm sorry. I couldn't do it. I just... I don't have the right parts.

Ball's in your court.

Lieutenant? Yes?

I'm Darnell Valentine with the alien task force stationed at Edwards.

Mind if I come in? Yes, I do.

Fine with me.

Mrs. Tanner, we've received an anonymous tip that you might be harboring a space

creature.

A space creature?

Yes.

Hairy. About three feet tall.

Is, uh, is he considered dangerous?

Hard to tell until we get him in the lab.

And, um, what would you do with him if you did get him, you know, in the lab?

The usual battery of tests.

We'll see how it responds to intense heat, freezing cold.

High voltage, toxic substances, pain, sleep deprivation, inoculation.

That's needles.

And of course, dissection.

Why don't you just pull its toenails out?

You didn't let me finish.

Don't bother.

We are not harboring any faith creatures.

Fine. Thank you. Have a nice day.

Excuse me, sir, could you just tell us who gave you our name?

As I told Mrs. Tanner, that information is strictly at Monica, anonymous.

Thanks,

Mom. Thanks, Mom.

Yeah, thanks, Mom.

I love this woman.

Anybody there?

Yo, calling anybody from Melmac. Hello?

Skip? Larry?

Muffy? It's Gordon.

Look, I don't know if you can hear me, but I just wanted to let you know I'm

okay.

I'm living with what they call a family.

Yeah, they're sort of like a herd, only smaller.

Yeah, there's this guy named Willie, and he's got a good heart and lots of

smarts. For someone without fur.

Then there's his wife, Kate.

Well, she pretends she doesn't like me, but she'll come around.

Yeah. Oh, and hey, dig this.

Her hair's the same color as mine.

Yeah. Only hers is natural.

Ha! Ha!

Yeah. Yeah. And they've got these two terrific kids who both idolize me. So

you know they're okay.

But I wanted to tell you something.

I, uh...

I really miss all of you.

And the thought of never seeing you again sort of breaks my heart.

So, you know, if you could, try to get in touch with me.

Or better yet, come by.

And I'll introduce you to these lovely people.

And then we could eat their cat.

So, the droid says to the cramble, to tell you the truth, I'd feel even better

if she lived another six light years away.

I

think

that really was amusing.

Six light years away.

I guess you better be there.

I was!

More mashed potatoes, please.

Hey, lob them over here when you're done with them. I'm getting kind of used to

this mushy stuff.

I like mashed potatoes, too, now, Mom. He likes mashed potatoes now, too.

You know, I hate to be a black cloud, but what are we going to do without when

Lynn has her pajama party next week?

That's right.

Hey. No problem. I wear a size five, but nothing with feet in it.

Oh, I got a zillion of them. Here's another one you won't like. Look at

two space travelers are going through Andromeda, see?

And they run into a space patrol.

He was a rookie. Now remember this. It's important for the end of the story.

Anyway, while they're traveling...