Original subtitles

I should be asleep right now, but here I am instead, at the last gay dance of my

college life.

I'm graduating in two days, and tomorrow morning, my mother, who lives in India,

is flying in to attend my graduation.

It's her first trip out of India, and she's bringing my two aunts with her,

both have children in the U .S.

We're all going to travel across the country after my graduation to visit my

cousin, and it should be a lot of fun, except that my family has no idea that

I'm gay, and I'm pretty worried about that.

And I want to come out to my mother during this trip, but I don't know if I

I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

When you came here four years back, did you think that I would come for your

graduation? Yeah. You knew it?

Yeah.

Good.

Thank you, son.

You made us very, very proud.

I wish your dad was here. I wish your brother was here.

We must call them up tomorrow after your graduation ceremony.

We will?

Yeah.

Let's go.

All right.

Here we go.

I have the honor to present to you these women and men as recipients.

of the first degree in the arts and sciences.

Julie Kristen Schultz, cum laude, with a concentration in psychology.

Nish Saran, magna cum laude, with highest honors in visual and

studies. She will be working next year as a teaching fellow with the Harvard

STEM department.

Where is it?

What cab?

The one I was wearing.

Oh, flown off. Where are you going? I love that cab.

It's yours?

Yeah. Must have flown off. She should have put under that.

I put it under that one.

I haven't seen my mom in about a year, and it feels great to be with her again.

We're headed to Columbus next, and there's not much to do in Ohio, so I'll

spending a lot of time at home with my family.

And I'm debating right now if that's the best time to come out to them.

But there's also something else that's weighing on my mind, something much

bigger that I'm worried about.

It's very important for you to protect yourself whenever you're exposed in any

way. or having any kind of sexual contacts and so on, using condoms, only

condoms.

Right before my mom came to Boston, I got an HIV test, which would have been

quite routine, except that a few months ago I had sex with this guy, Troy, who

is HIV positive.

I'm going to get my test results when I get back to Boston in a couple of weeks,

and I'm now questioning my decision to get the test when I did.

It's not helping me enjoy this trip at all, and it's somehow making coming out

to my family more urgent.

And the classroom that we went to? Beautiful.

What a classroom. I can imagine that.

And now what a classroom. See, you had a screen on top, and the way it was done,

it looked like an old theater.

But you know, what was the funniest was Nishit's friends.

One of them was so funny, Benji. Who? Which one?

Charlie. He came to pick me up at the airport.

Really? He was so funny, Benji. I thought, Benji, is he a girl or a boy?

What is he?

So then I told Mina, I said, Mina, he must be a homosexual.

Definitely. I don't know what he is, but he looked a little funny the way he

would come and say, give me, give us a kiss. There are some boys who look like

girls, they're girlish like, you see.

No, no, no. Homosexual. No. That is so.

But that's okay. I mean, that's okay. This is all in the game. I think it's

part of growing up. Part of life and all the game. No, I think it's more part of

growing up than... How do you determine?

Yeah, I think it might grow out.

It might grow out. Even if it doesn't, Panji, it has been legal. In the

especially the atmosphere, the things are very different. But when you grow up

and you go into the world, you look at things differently and you change. No,

Panji, even if it is, this has become legalized. It is legalized now and it is

accepted thing.

To my mind, I still believe that... No, but what do you think? Is it a

biological thing or it is just a growing up thing? I don't know. You see,

because they're very grown up people. I've seen here, last year I was here,

there was a parade of gays and all these people, sexual. So seeing them, I don't

know whether they are acting or they are really there.

This thing is there. No, they're not acting. They're clubs.

How can they make themselves believe? How can they make themselves believe

they are like that? Because they are... But, you see, as for example...

I mean, my nephew, Nishthir, he has not married so far. He has not been

attracted to any girl. Do you think I will say that he is gay? No.

Because he has not found a girl to his level.

We're a really close family, but we keep a lot of secrets from each other.

I snuck out tonight and came to this local gay club.

I've been having a lot of depressing thoughts, and this whole question of

out was starting to make my being gay itself a depressing affair.

So I needed to get away, and here I am, and it feels wonderful.

Well, it's not really true.

Usually, this pounding bass makes me happy, but tonight it's reminding me of

last time I went to a club.

which was the night I met Troy.

I was just standing around at the bar when Troy came up and started talking to

me.

One thing led to another, and I ended up taking him home.

We talked a while, then started messing around when he stopped me and told me he

was HIV positive.

I never even met an HIV positive person before, but I thought I could still

sleep with him as long as we were safe.

So I started fucking him with a condom on.

But at some point, I took off the condom and fucked him without it.

I don't know why I did that.

I wasn't even drunk.

I mean, this is not a statistical question. This man had the virus.

But somehow, I thought it was okay to have unprotected sex with him.

In 12 hours, my mother is going to be on a plane to India.

I will not see her for at least a year, maybe more.

I've been having all these abstract thoughts about death, but this fact of

leaving suddenly dawned on me.

I have to tell her about being gay, because if I turn out to be HIV

will have to tell her everything, all at once, over the telephone.

And that would be too much for her to take.

Plus, this family pattern of keeping secrets from each other has become very

unhealthy business.

I want to

change

then for the evening. These people are coming over for dinner then I won't have

to change again. No, no, no. They are coming at 7 o 'clock.

Isn't this view so beautiful, Nisha?

Beautiful.