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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,319
? Chilli, chilli, chilli, chilli
2
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,559
? Chilli con carne!
3
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,319
? Chilli, chilli con carne!
4
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:11,399
? Chilli, chilli con carne
5
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,199
? Ken Pritchard's chilli
6
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,759
? Chilli con carne. ?
7
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:22,319
Hey, hey! I tell you, Beth will not
be able to resist my famous chilli.
8
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:23,719
Your mother never could.
9
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,999
HE CHUCKLES
10
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,679
She will be putty in my hands!
11
00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,120
Hoo-hoo!
12
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,159
Oh, there you are.
Are you enjoying your book?
13
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,639
You don't enjoy Stanislavski, Dad.
14
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,880
You learn, you embrace.
15
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:44,639
You transcend.
Has it got cowboys in it?
16
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,320
Sure. Oregano.
Oregano, please.
17
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:54,519
Erm, I've been meaning to
say about the other day
18
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:57,199
in the woods with Emily.
19
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,799
I don't know what you saw
or what you think you saw,
20
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,759
erm, but it's nothing.
21
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,599
Yeah, right. Right, OK.
22
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,160
Yeah?
Er...
23
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,559
What is it I'm meant to have seen?
24
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,199
Are you saying that
you... didn't see?
25
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,439
Oh, I don't know.
26
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,360
Did you see anything?
27
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:20,320
No.
28
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,960
It's all right. Just ignore me.
29
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,599
Oregano?
30
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,400
I thank you.
I thank you.
31
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,200
You mean the kiss!
32
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:43,039
It is really important that
when Beth comes round,
33
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,199
that you don't mention
that me and Emily kissed.
34
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,119
Right.
35
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,879
Say no more.
36
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:51,599
Really?
37
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,160
Great. Well, that was easy.
38
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,319
But I can mention it to Beth.
39
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,120
Sit back down again.
Yeah.
40
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,759
Don't mention it to anyone.
41
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,039
Mention it?
No.
42
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:09,039
Don't mention it.
Well, er, which is it, Richard?
43
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,239
Let's go with don't mention it.
44
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,279
So, I've not to mention it now?
45
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,079
Mentioning it was never an option.
46
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,639
Let's take mentioning it
off the table.
47
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,559
Got you.
Do you?
48
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:21,959
No.
49
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,879
HE EXHALES HEAVILY
OK.
50
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,239
It's very simple.
51
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,199
Just don't talk about me
and Emily in the woods
52
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,960
at any point in time...
53
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,279
...to anyone.
54
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,039
Mention it.
Now it's don't mention it.
55
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,359
It was only ever don't mention it.
56
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,759
Is that the way you always do it,
by the way?
57
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,479
What?
Kiss.
58
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:42,799
What's wrong with the way I kiss?
59
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,439
Well, when you kiss
a lady on the mouth...
60
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,559
My life might be in the toilet,
61
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:52,160
but watching my dad winch his own
hand is a low I will not stoop to.
62
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,959
What are you staring at?
Ach, that damp patch up there.
63
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,839
I should have painted that
before Beth came over.
64
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,119
That's the first thing she's
going to see when she walks in here.
65
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,759
I don't think so.
66
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,439
No?
No.
67
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,079
She's far more likely to see
the fly graveyard here.
68
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,599
Oh, that's your fault for making me
put the spiders outside.
69
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,719
Right, you hoover that up
and I'll paint over that.
70
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,199
Dad, how many times. You're too old
to be going up ladders at your age.
71
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,959
Look, I'll hoover
and you just ignore the paint.
72
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,799
I'll use the good ladders
if that puts your mind at ease.
73
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,280
No, it's the fact you still keep
bad ladders, is my point.
74
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,399
I, er, I wanted to ask
you something, son.
75
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:42,119
Oh, yeah?
76
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,320
Ach, salt police!
77
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:51,559
It's, eh, it's about Beth
and your mother.
78
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,679
Do you maybe not want to eat
something while...
79
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,759
Oh, never mind.
Are you enjoying that?
80
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,119
Mm! It's lovely. Thank you.
81
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,639
A wee bit chewy, this, actually.
82
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,799
Yeah, that's why
I said not to do it.
83
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,879
Mm.
Don't have another bit!
84
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,880
Yeah. Mm.
85
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,840
Well, it's just, the other day...
86
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,319
...I thought I saw your mother.
87
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,039
I mean, it was just for a second,
you know,
88
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,680
and I knew it wasnae her, but, eh...
89
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,519
Well, I kind of went a bit tingly,
90
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:28,319
and I was wondering maybe if it was
a message from your mother
91
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,439
to say that...
92
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,720
...me seeing Beth was
hurting her feelings.
93
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,960
Do you want to know what I think?
I do.
94
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,480
I think...
95
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,320
...the dead don't send us messages.
96
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,920
I just think they want us
to carry on with our lives.
97
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,680
OK.
98
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:55,239
WHISPERS: Yeah, of course.
99
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,599
Thanks, son.
100
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,639
Sure.
101
00:04:58,640 --> 00:04:59,920
Any time.
102
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,439
And just maybe to clarify a wee bit,
you know,
103
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,160
it couldn't have actually
been your mother, could it?
104
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,599
Like a ghost, or something?
105
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,639
Dad, come on! Don't be silly.
106
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,120
There's no such thing as ghosts.
107
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,920
POPS LOUDLY
HE GASPS
108
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,519
Why are you wearing
your painting clothes?
109
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,399
Well, what else am
I going to paint in?
110
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,799
No, we've been through this.
You're not painting in anything.
111
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,599
I'm not painting naked, Richard.
112
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,279
You're not painting at all.
This'll only take five minutes.
113
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,879
All right, fine, end up
in hospital, see if I care.
114
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,639
Oh, don't be so bloody dramatic!
115
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,319
I'm just trying to look after you.
116
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,760
I don't know why you
insist on making it so difficult.
117
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,599
Oh, and he's using the bad ladders.
Well, this is brilliant.
118
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,359
These are not the bad ladders,
Richard.
119
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,159
It's just not as new
as the good ladders.
120
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,319
Dad, they're a deathtrap.
121
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,319
All right, fine, OK, you've got
your way again, I'll do it.
122
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,759
I'm not asking you to do it.
Dad, I'm doing it.
123
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,599
All right. Up you go, then.
Well, I'm obviously not using these.
124
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,999
Where are the good ladders?
They're out the back.
125
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,319
Why? Because I feel bad
for these ladders,
126
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,799
and if I keep the other ladders
outside, well, these...
127
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,959
...these ladders feel
a bit more important,
128
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,839
like they still have some
kind of use in life, you know.
129
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,919
Sorry, are these Pixar ladders?
130
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,559
Listen, these ladders have seen me
through countless paint jobs
131
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,439
and gutter clearances.
132
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,639
I built your cot with these ladders.
133
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,279
Why the hell were you using a ladder
to build a cot?
134
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:42,079
In all my time,
these ladders have laddered it.
135
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,999
These ladders are part
of the family. OK.
136
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,359
Just... just so I get this straight,
137
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,519
you keep Buzz Lightyear out there to
keep old Woody here's nose in joint?
138
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,319
Is that Albie Lightyear's boy
that works at the library?
139
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,280
What's he got to do with it? OK.
Right. I'm getting the good ladders.
140
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,920
Take no notice.
141
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,000
PHONE VIBRATES
142
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,639
Sally, hi.
143
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,119
Richard, how are you?
144
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,999
Well, you know, getting by.
145
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,279
Well, I wish you were,
then I'd get my 10%.
146
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,679
Well, has anything come in?
147
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,159
Uh, no, but I'm working
on a plan for that.
148
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,799
Safe space, yeah? Sure.
149
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,679
The thing is, I've just come
back from a course on diversity,
150
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,479
which I was made to attend for
reasons I'm not allowed to go into.
151
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,479
Some speccy twat in HR's idea,
you know.
152
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,399
Yeah, I'm starting to see
why they made you do the course.
153
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,079
Anyways, one thing I learned was,
154
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,359
apparently some disabilities
are invisible!
155
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:40,959
OK. Yes.
156
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,480
So, what should we put you down for?
157
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,239
What... what can we put me down for?
158
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,119
You need a USP, Richard.
This could be it.
159
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,199
All I'm saying is, if we add
an invisible disability to your CV,
160
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,919
we might actually get you
some auditions.
161
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,799
I don't have an
invisible disability.
162
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,079
Prove it.
163
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,439
Well, I...
164
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,199
Well, I can't.
Well, exactly, you see.
165
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,039
So, we are on the same page, then?
166
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,759
No, no, we're not on the same page,
167
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,239
and I'm going to pretend
this conversation never happened.
168
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,199
Why don't we start with
snow blindness
169
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,479
and see if we get any bites?
170
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:14,759
Always a pleasure, Sally.
171
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,679
Write me a list of every invisible
disability tout suite!
172
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,120
LINE DISCONNECTS
173
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,879
MUFFLED: Help!
174
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,319
Mr Pritch?
175
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,599
Help!
176
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,040
Mr Pritch?
Help!
177
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,359
Help! Mr Pritch?
178
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:36,719
Help!
179
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,319
Oh, my God!
180
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,839
Oh, I've fallen off the ladders.
181
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,680
OK, right, just hang on a minute,
let's get this up.
182
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,199
OK. Right, let's get you up.
183
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,239
Oh! My back, my back, my back!
184
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,239
Right, change of plan,
let's get you down. Oh!
185
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,279
Where's Richard? He's outside.
186
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,439
OK, right, stay there, obviously,
and I'll go get him.
187
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:57,919
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
188
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,319
He hasn't seen me.
189
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,679
Just, please,
don't mention it to him.
190
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,599
Just help me up into the armchair.
191
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,559
No, I don't think I can do that.
192
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,599
Oh, please. Please, Emily.
193
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,999
Let's just keep this
between you and I.
194
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,279
He'll only give me into trouble.
195
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,480
Oh...
196
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,920
BIRD SQUAWKS
Shut up.
197
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,239
Oh, OK, fine.
198
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:21,599
You're a wee darling.
199
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,399
What would I do without you?
200
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,799
One, two, three!
201
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,199
HE GROANS
202
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,160
Careful. Be gentle.
203
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,160
HE GASPS
204
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,279
Oh... How are you feeling?
205
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,879
Yeah, I'm all right,
I'm all right, I'm all right.
206
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,759
Uh, Mr Pritch, I...
207
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,599
I wanted to catch you
before Beth came over,
208
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,959
um, about what you might have
seen in the woods the other day.
209
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,919
Oh, you're OK, you're OK.
210
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,479
I've already been briefed to
keep schtum about the kiss
211
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,959
by His Lordship. Oh, great.
212
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:05,519
OK. And here, don't worry, I'm going
to talk him about his technique.
213
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,479
He'll be ready for you
the next time.
214
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,359
CLATTERING
Oh. Oh, OK.
215
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,400
Oh, the television, the television.
216
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,159
Emily, hi.
217
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,839
Richard, hi. Hi.
218
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,759
I was just chatting
to your dad about...
219
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,999
...you know,
and how it would be great
220
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:31,519
if he didn't mention anything
about the, uh, you know, to Beth.
221
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,640
Yeah. He knows.
222
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,199
Knows what?
223
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,919
That you've not to mention
what you've not to mention.
224
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,599
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I'm not going to mention it.
225
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,879
Great. And if I do mention it,
it'll be an accident.
226
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,719
OK, can you just be
really deliberate
227
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,279
about what you talk about?
228
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,799
You know, stay clear of anything
to do with, you know,
229
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,239
kissing or lips or woods.
230
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,279
Not leaving me much else, is it?
231
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,599
Dad, you could talk about
literally anything else.
232
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,679
All right, all right, all right.
233
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,879
Cool. Well, that seems sorted, then.
234
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,119
Actually, I do need to
talk to you about something too.
235
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,480
Definitely.
236
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:13,880
Dad, could you give us a minute?
237
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,320
No.
238
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,519
Yeah, sorry about him.
239
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,839
I don't know what that
was all about.
240
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,319
OK.
241
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,120
Welcome to MTV Cribs.
242
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,879
This is where all the magic happens.
243
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,959
I mean, I joke
but it often was just me
244
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,079
in here with an amateur magic kit.
245
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,359
Oh, it's smaller than I remember.
Yeah.
246
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,279
I think that's cos we've grown. Yes.
247
00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,279
I didn't think the room had shrunk,
Richard.
248
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,560
No.
249
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,399
So...
250
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,440
...how are you?
251
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,439
I'm good.
252
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:56,239
Am I good? Don't know. Um...
253
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,919
I need to talk to you
about something.
254
00:11:57,920 --> 00:12:00,479
That's so good,
because I need to talk to you too.
255
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:04,639
Since we kissed, it's like this fog
has been lifted from my brain,
256
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,759
and I was worried you might
have regretted it
257
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,920
or you pretend it hadn't happened...
I'm going to New Zealand.
258
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:12,600
What?
259
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,880
I'm going to New Zealand.
260
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,360
Sorry, just to be clear,
this is with Tim?
261
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,439
It is.
262
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,559
Would it be weird
if I came with you?
263
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,679
Yeah. Yeah, I thought... The minute
I said that,
264
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,079
I thought it sounded weird.
265
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,400
I'm sorry.
266
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,160
Hey. Fuhgeddaboudit!
267
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,519
I mean, you know, we could have an
actual proper conversation about it,
268
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,159
if you like.
269
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,039
No, that's fine. You're...
270
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,119
You're with Tim now,
on the other side of the world.
271
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,480
So, that is the definition of...
272
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,799
...of fine.
273
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,080
I'm sorry.
274
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,120
Actually, I'm not sorry.
275
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,999
I'm fed up of saying sorry
all the time.
276
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,039
You know, I say sorry to people
on the street who walk into me.
277
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:11,439
I mean, what is that?
Why do I do that?
278
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,159
I don't want to be
the sorry person any more.
279
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,279
I want to be the person
who in ten years' time can say,
280
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:21,599
"Oh, New Zealand? Oh, yeah, I used
to live there actually," you know?
281
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,639
I want to be that person.
282
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,559
You could lie about it.
283
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:28,359
But I want to go.
I want to do things.
284
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,519
I want to be in a Fleetwood Mac
song, you know.
285
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,319
I want to go my own way.
286
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:36,519
Well, if I could name another
Fleetwood Mac song -
287
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,839
Landslide - of which
there are a lot in New Zealand.
288
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,119
I did a geography project on it
in my fourth year at school.
289
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,759
The only thing
I have to be sorry for is...
290
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,080
...is that we kissed.
291
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,840
I don't do that.
292
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,240
I don't cheat.
293
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:57,879
I take it Tim didn't see?
294
00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,439
No.
295
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,680
And I don't want him
to ever find out.
296
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:06,120
It was a mistake, Richard.
297
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,599
Yeah, totally.
298
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,079
DOORBELL RINGS
299
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,559
Richard.
300
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,719
That's the door!
301
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,280
Can you not get it?
302
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,240
No.
303
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,719
Hello, Richard.
304
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,639
Have you been crying?
305
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,719
No. You look like you've
been crying, doesn't he, Tim?
306
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,079
Yeah.
307
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,399
Bottom lip's definitely
quivering there, mate.
308
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,120
Do you want to come in?
Yeah. Oh, great. OK.
309
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:38,879
Oh, Emily?
310
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,839
Hi, babe.
What are you doing here?
311
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,879
Well, I just thought
I'd give mum a lift. Aw.
312
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,439
What are you doing here?
313
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,039
Oh, well, I knew you'd be
giving your mum a lift,
314
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,799
because you're so bloody nice.
315
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,400
So I thought I'd meet you here.
Yeah.
316
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,840
And I'm... I'm here, um,
because I live here.
317
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,839
Hello, Beth!
318
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,119
What did he say?
319
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,239
He said "Hello, Beth." Oh.
320
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:04,760
Hello, Ken!
321
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,559
What did she say, Richard?
322
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,719
Dad, can you just come through?
323
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,199
No, no, I'm fine here.
324
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,560
Do you want us to come through, Ken?
325
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,239
What did she say, Richard?
Oh, shall we just go through?
326
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,679
Yeah. Yeah.
327
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,400
Why don't you bring them
through here, Richard?
328
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,479
Sorry about my appearance.
I was going to get changed.
329
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,719
I seem to have lost track of time.
330
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,719
Oh, I think you look nice.
331
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,799
I like an elasticated waistband
on a man, don't I, Tim?
332
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,440
She does, yes.
333
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,919
Eh, Richard,
why don't you pop through
334
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,879
and get some drinks for people, eh?
335
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,959
Maybe check on the chilli
while you're at it.
336
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,440
Why can't you?
337
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,840
Would you maybe just
do that, please.
338
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,280
You couldn't pass me my book,
could you?
339
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,279
Yes. I could pass it.
340
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:15,840
Yeah, I'd be happy to.
341
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,200
There you go. Oh!
342
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,719
Oh, you couldn't pass me
a tissue as well, could you?
343
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,199
Oh, tissue as well? Yes. Aye.
344
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,719
I can do that.
345
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,400
HE GROANS
346
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,239
I knew it. You went up the ladder,
didn't you? Yes.
347
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,599
And you fell off. Yes.
Oh, Ken, are you all right?
348
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,439
No, no, don't feel sorry for him.
349
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,559
I told him this would happen,
didn't I? Yes, yes.
350
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,679
Yes, yes, yes! What, and then you
thought, "I'll just keep it a secret
351
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:48,039
"for the whole evening?"
And to top it off,
352
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,599
you make Emily cover for you.
353
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,039
Well, I'm keeping that many secrets
at the moment,
354
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,879
it just seemed a natural thing
to do.
355
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,559
I think me and Tim should
probably get out of your hair.
356
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,119
No, no, no, no, no,
don't go on his account, honestly.
357
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,999
It's like living
with a bloody baby-sitter.
358
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,359
Maybe that's because you make me
act like a baby-sitter.
359
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,799
Guys, would it help if we ran
through
360
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,959
some conflict resolution techniques?
Lift the mood. Probably not.
361
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,999
No. I mean, what if you'd actually
hurt yourself, and for what?
362
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,239
Just to make a point.
363
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,039
Everything's a bloody lecture
with you.
364
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,719
Uh, fellas... No, hold on.
365
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,919
All I want is for you to take care
of yourself,
366
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,079
but instead, you just insist on
pretending
367
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,199
you're a 25-year-old
instead of a 75-year-old!
368
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,839
Seriously, guys... Hold on, Tim.
No, it's just that...
369
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,279
I really need to say this.
Sorry, guys,
370
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,759
I don't want to stifle your truth.
It's just that the kitchen's...
371
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,599
You know what you are?
You are an agent of chaos!
372
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,080
I refute that.
SMOKE ALARM BEEPS
373
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,280
You see. Exactly my point.
374
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,320
Well, the good news is,
the rice is still fine.
375
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,079
That's most of it away.
376
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,599
I'm sorry about this, Beth.
377
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,399
Oh, not to worry.
I wasn't that hungry anyway.
378
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,480
Ah. We could do something else.
379
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:09,559
Have you got any board games?
380
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:10,919
I do.
381
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,399
Where is that pub quiz one, Richard?
382
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,839
No, that's out of date.
We're not going to eat it.
383
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,639
No, it's... It's outdated.
384
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,000
I mean, one of the questions
was name the three Sugababes.
385
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,399
Is that wrong?
386
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,519
Oh, yeah, it's wrong,
387
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,439
cos there's six Sugababes in total
after all the line-up changes,
388
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,639
you know, with Heidi, Amelle
and Jade coming in afterwards,
389
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,439
whereas, the question only relates
to the original three.
390
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,960
You know, Mutya, Keisha and Siobhan.
391
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,600
Sorry, I don't know why I know
so much about the Sugababes.
392
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,519
I know a game we can play.
393
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,080
We? We?
394
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,639
So, I'm a woman. Yes.
395
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,719
I'm Scottish. That's right.
396
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,839
But I'm not an actor, musician,
397
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,079
novelist or athlete of any kind?
398
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,120
No.
399
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,039
Oh, I give up.
400
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,279
No, you can't give up.
Come on, you're almost there.
401
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,199
In what way am I almost there?
402
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,879
You've just got to keep asking.
403
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,879
Well, uh...
404
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,679
Am I a war correspondent?
405
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,359
No, you're not.
406
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,239
But in time you could be.
407
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,760
What?! Oh...
408
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,559
Who the hell is Celeste Frick?!
409
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,479
Who the hell is Celeste Frick?
410
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,559
She is a reporter
on the Forres Gazette.
411
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:27,879
SNIGGERING
412
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,559
Easier than yours, to be fair.
413
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,439
Mm. Right, OK. My turn.
414
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,559
Am I a fan of this person? Yes.
415
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,119
Steven Bartlett. No.
416
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,439
Gary Neville. No. Wait...
417
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,199
Jake Humphrey. No, no, no. You need
to ask more general questions.
418
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,319
Gordon Ramsay. And the game's over.
419
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,920
Oh, no! You haven't done me yet.
420
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,760
Am I still active?
421
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,000
Cheers.
422
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,440
MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEECH
423
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,040
EMILY: 489.
424
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,440
BETH: Yes! Oh, my God!
425
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,520
What a guess!
426
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,199
The Louvre. The Louvre.
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes!
427
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:31,840
The Louvre!
428
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,320
Right, you guys, come on.
429
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:42,919
The Earth's atmosphere is primarily
composed of what two gasses?
430
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,119
BETH: Hydrogen.
431
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:46,079
EMILY: And farts.
432
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,479
KEN CHUCKLES
You're along the right lines.
433
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,360
Good. Farts and hydrogen.
434
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,360
Hurray! Yes!
435
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,159
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
436
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,639
Mind if I join you?
437
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,799
Surprised you made it
down the stairs.
438
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,279
Yeah, well,
the pain has eased a little.
439
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,399
Probably the whisky kicking in.
440
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,039
That and the dihydrocodeine.
441
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,359
Should you be taking that
without a prescription?
442
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,959
Oh, do shut up!
443
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,560
KEN GROANS
444
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,800
The trouble is, I am 25 up here.
445
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,279
I mean, I can get my head round
not being able to drive.
446
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,200
Well, almost.
447
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,879
But being told you can't
do a wee bit of painting
448
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,799
is really...
449
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,199
KEN SIGHS
450
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:47,759
That's why I...
451
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,239
That's why I keep the bad ladders.
452
00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,800
I know exactly what they're
going through.
453
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,320
Emily's moving to New Zealand
with Tim.
454
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:03,920
Oh.
455
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:07,360
That won't last forever.
456
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,920
Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, son.
457
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:23,279
I can't believe I'm going
to quote Tim,
458
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,439
but he once said,
459
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,440
"All we have is the future."
460
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,360
And he's right.
461
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,360
Everything else
just goes by in a flash.
462
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,359
I shouldn't have waited so long.
463
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:39,439
I should have just done
what my heart was telling me
464
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,080
to do from the start.
465
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,919
What?
466
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,879
Eh? No, no, no, nothing,
nothing at all.
467
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,199
They've sent me out to tell you
that charades is starting.
468
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,800
They're very excited about it.
469
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,519
Oh...
That's me seized up again.
470
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,079
That's your fault for making me
sit on this wall!
471
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,279
My fault? Are you winding me up?
472
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,040
You'll need to help me up. Go on.
473
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,759
Argh!
474
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,519
Tell them we'll be an hour.
475
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,200
Don't be so bloody cheeky.
476
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,439
Oh, it's a book.
477
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,559
A book!
478
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:22,519
I got it. Yeah, you're supposed to
guess the name of the book, Mum.
479
00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:23,839
Oh, yes, of course.
480
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,119
Moby-Dick.
481
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:27,559
No, I need to mime it first.
482
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,599
Is it How To Cope With Anxiety
by Martin Colston?
483
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:31,999
How would I mime that?
484
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,240
I don't know, but it's, um...
It's a really good book. OK.
485
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,799
Film. Film.
486
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,079
Two verses. Two words.
487
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,159
First word. First word.
488
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,199
High Fidelity.
489
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,279
Piss off!
490
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:48,279
How do you just keep getting
each other's like...?
491
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,399
It's like you share
the same brain or something.
492
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,159
Uh, OK. Yeah, I've got one.
493
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,160
No, but I just... On you go.
494
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,160
Phrase, phrase. Phrase.
495
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,800
ALL: Five words. First word.
496
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,199
You. Point. Point.
497
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:14,959
Is it a circle? Drawing.
498
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,999
Lady... Beth?
499
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,479
Carry... Oh, Beth.
500
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,079
It's me.
501
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:22,519
It's Beth. Second word.
502
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,799
Two, second word. Second word.
Sounds like.
503
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,519
Sounds like. Writing. Uh...
504
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,999
Tablets. Looking.
505
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,679
Tiny. Eating. Berocca. Eating.
506
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,319
Eating. Snacks. A picnic?
507
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,559
Pill. Pill. Sounds like pill.
508
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,319
Pill. Pill, dill, will, nil...
509
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,799
Will. Will? It's will.
510
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,320
Third word.
511
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,319
You. You... Me?
512
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,239
You. Mum.
513
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,039
Will you...
514
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,119
Beth, will you... You.
515
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,919
Dad... Shut up, Richard.
516
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,399
Fourth word.
517
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,639
Oh, I'm having ever so much fun.
518
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,439
It sounds like carry. Baby.
519
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:00,199
Baby. Oh, yeah, carrying.
Carrying the baby.
520
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,199
Sounds like carry.
521
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,479
Right, carry, Larry, Barry...
522
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,480
...marry...
523
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:12,359
EMILY: Fifth word.
524
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,400
Me.
525
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,679
Oh, Ken, I'd love to.
526
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,399
Mum, maybe take a minute.
527
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,239
Yeah, also, can I just point out
that my dad's on
528
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:27,759
very strong painkillers right now?
It's OK.
529
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:28,920
I know what I'm doing.
530
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,759
You'd better kiss the bride.
531
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:42,719
And I'll make sure it's a better one
than Richard gave Emily.
532
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,119
What?!
533
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:45,839
What...
534
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,520
Richard kissed Emily?
535
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,119
Yes.
536
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,800
But we're not supposed
to mention it.
537
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,079
Oh.
538
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:05,360
Is...?
539
00:26:05,410 --> 00:26:09,960
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