Original subtitles

PHONE: So, we remind ourselves to be in the here and now.

Not in the past.

We're going to end by taking a few relaxing breaths.

In.

And out.

HE EXHALES DEEPLY

In.

HE INHALES

And out. HE EXHALES

In.

HE INHALES

And out.

HE EXHALES DEEPLY

And relax.

Well done.

HUSHED: Thank you.

Oh, good, you're awake.

That television's still not working.

HE EXHALES EXASPERATEDLY

You'll need to phone that engineer again!

Number's on the dining room table!

I think you must be the only man still alive to use one of these.

Eh?

I'm not calling the engineers again.

They've been out twice already, Dad.

Remember, they told us we're just in

a black zone for satellites.

What, you're telling me that Forres is more of a black zone than space?

Well, in Forres no-one can hear ME scream.

Eh?

Or say anything.

What if I plugged the television into the computer?

Oh, what if I connected the toaster to the boiler?

Or the kettle to the washing machine?

You making a point here? Yes, I am.

That it wouldn't work? That's the one.

So, there's absolutely nothing I can do to get the television working?

I'll look into getting cable again.

I do not want the cable!

And I will tell you for why.

Barbara Cookson at number 4,

she got the cable, it went off on...

BLENDER WHIRS LOUDLY

WHIRRING DROWNS SPEECH

WHIRRING STOPS

...she fell down a manhole!

OK, we won't get cable, then.

Listen, we'd better get a move on.

We've got to get the train to Aviemore. That race starts at 2:00.

How many times, Dad? I'm not coming!

Why not?

Well, A, I don't really want to watch Emily cheer on

her boyfriend doing a run.

And, B, you, me and trains, it just always ends in disaster.

Like when?

Like when I was filming in Paris, and I paid for you and Mum

to come over on the Eurostar for your 70th?

Your mother and I were in Brussels for my 70th.

Yeah, exactly, cos you got the wrong Eurostar.

And do you remember when you got there, and I asked you to stay put,

cos I'd come there to Brussels to meet you?

Eh, where were you when I got there?

Aye, it could have been Paris.

Cos you got the Eurostar back to Paris.

Yeah, I'm glad I did my meditation.

I'm really feeling the benefit of that.

Listen, Emily is going to be there,

and you said you wanted to let her know how you feel.

Oh, Dad, that was the Glayva talking.

I've missed the boat with Emily.

I just have to accept that and move on with my life.

Well, I can't go without you.

Why?

You know full well why.

Oh, come on! We've been through this a thousand times.

Right, the train ticket is on your phone.

All you have to do is put the phone train ticket side down

and scan it on the QR code.

What is a QR code?

No, I'm not going through that again.

Listen, when I worked on the trains,

a train ticket was something you held in your hand.

Bit like that?

THAT is not a train ticket!

Why does everything have to happen through a bloomin' phone nowadays?!

I mean, what was wrong with the old ways?

You won't even let me carry money in my pocket any more.

Dad, you were carrying �34.60 in loose change.

Your trousers almost fell down in Asda.

That is because I forgot to put a belt on.

Come on, it's just the way things are now, everything's digital.

Yes. Well, I'm not!

Agreed.

DOORBELL RINGS

Arms...

I mean, erm...

Hi, Emily.

And Tim and Beth, and everyone, not just Emily.

OK.

I called your dad about him sorting me out with some glue.

Erm...

Richard, have you seen my prick stick?

Eh, PRITT Stick.

And, no, I haven't.

Jean used to use it for the Christmas cards, you know,

to stick them down.

She read somewhere that licking the envelopes gives you the squirts.

Oh, lovely.

I like your T-shirt.

Mm.

Succus.

Yeah, it's Latin for "juice".

Yeah.

It's a small energy drinks company I started a few years back.

They're publicly endorsing me for this run.

Is it definitely pronounced like that?

Succus.

Yeah, pretty sure.

So, you're endorsing yourself with your own company...

...called Succus?

Yeah.

Great.

TOILET FLUSHES Just thought I'd check.

Hey, how'd you get on?

Uh...

Yes, good.

I don't need to pee now, so mission accomplished in that sense.

KEN: Where is the bloody thing?

Sorry again we can't fit you in the car, Ken.

It's just that there's not a lot of room,

what with Tim's energy drinks.

Succus.

Yep.

Oh, that's all right.

I'm more than happy to get the train, it's absolutely no bother.

Well, it's SOME bother.

Are you having problems with your television?

Oh, don't remind me.

I'm actually thinking about getting one of those dodgy sticks.

Dad, how many times? They're illegal.

No, they're not. What do you think dodgy means?

They are a bit illegal, Mr Pritch.

Gwen Joyce has one.

Well, that'll be the same Gwen Joyce who had a weed farm

growing in her attic.

She was as surprised as anybody else to find that up there.

Yeah.

If only she'd seen the security footage of her buying 800 LED lamps.

RICHARD LAUGHS

Yeah.

Or..or wondering why she always had the munchies.

Yeah, up high.

Uh... yeah. Sorry.

Exactly.

He-he! Here it is.

Oh, that's great!

It's for my "Go Tim" sign.

I always make one, hold it up for him running past, don't I?

You sure do.

Only now, I have to stick pictures of him onto it...

...since the incident.

The incident?

Well, there was this race a few years back

where another Tim was running.

He ran past the sign, and apparently I looked quite a bit like his mum.

What it was, Richard, he hadn't seen her in 20 years -

they'd had a big falling out -

and he thought she'd come back to bury the hatchet.

He was quite down when he realised, but...

...it did make him decide to reach out to her.

Aw.

EMILY: Aw, that's nice.

Yes.

Turns out she died five years previous, and he had no idea.

So, now... I stick pictures on.

What are you doing? You're going to miss your train.

No, no. I'm not going. What?!

I told you, I don't know how to do the tickets.

Once again, technology has destroyed my time on the trains.

You mean when you took early retirement

instead of learning how to use the card machine? I'll be fine here.

Ugh! Just get a physical ticket at the station!

I don't want to any more.

But, Dad, all you've been talking about all week

is how you were looking forward to spending time with Beth.

THAT'S the reason you're going. WAS going.

I know what you're doing here.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You know fine well what I'm talking about!

You're thinking, "I'll just sit here looking sad

"until he gives in and comes with me."

Well, that is just not going to hap...

Ha! That's that locked. You think?

Why have you got a bag? It's only a 45-minute journey.

Well, that's exactly enough time to watch an episode of something.

Is your generation incapable of sitting

with their own thoughts for any length of time?

I mean, honestly, why have you always

got to be attached to a device?!

Well, I'm not attached to a device just now, am I?

MOBILE BUZZES Oh. Hold on a minute.

Sally, hi. Oh, Richard, hello.

Bad news on the panto, I'm afraid. It's a no.

Really? I thought it went well.

Yes, they thought you were just a little bit too upbeat.

Too upbeat for panto?! Yes, they were looking

for a little more nuance in your portrayal.

The character was called Hoinky-Doinky!

Yes. They said there was,

"A little too much hoink and not enough doink," for them.

Also, they didn't like you breaking the fourth wall. It's a panto!

It's all to do with the director's vision, or something.

I wasn't really paying attention, to be honest.

Anyway, it's not the end of the world. No. Oh, yes, it is!

Too soon. Sorry. Bye, Sally!

OK. I'm still waiting to hear back on the Crimewatch reconstruction.

OVER TANNOY: The train now approaching Platform 2

is the ScotRail service to Edinburgh Waverley.

Right. So are you going to do this ticket thing for me or not?

No, I'm not,

because you have to learn how to do this stuff yourself, Dad.

HE EXHALES NERVOUSLY Come on! Don't look so worried.

There's a nice girl there. Can I not show her my ticket?

No. Why not? Because this is quicker.

Ah! Doesn't seem quicker to me.

Dad, you can't stand in the way of progress all your life.

Excuse me, darling. Oh, apparently you can.

Would you mind just opening a barrier for me

and I'll just show you my ticket?

It's just I'm useless with this thing.

I'd much rather leave the house without it.

You do leave the house without it. Yeah, no problem.

No, we're fine, thanks. What? We don't need your help.

So, you don't want me to open the barriers for him? That's right.

I really don't mind letting him through. A lot of older people...

We're fine. Thanks.

There's no need to be rude. I wasn't being rude. I thought you were rude.

Did you think he was rude? I thought he was a little bit rude, yeah.

Why are you still here?

Oh... OK, that was rude, sorry.

Come on, Dad, you can do this. Just the way I showed you.

Right. Unlock your phone. 2-1-5-7.

It's probably best not to do that out loud, but one battle at a time.

Find your ticket. "Find your ticket."

Here. No, that's your home screen. Is it?

What about that? And that's the calculator.

There's a calculator in there? Oh, just give me the phone, would you?

Right. OK. Scanner's there.

QR code on the scanner, barriers open, you walk through. OK?

HE JABBERS Just, just...

Want me to just let you through? Yes, please.

No!

Want me to keep them open for you? No.

No, I don't, because some people are able to do things

in the correct and proper way.

So you want me to close them? Yes, please!

That's all you needed to do. Do you see how simple that was?

Do I just scan it again? No. It won't let you scan it twice.

Oh. Do you want me to open the barriers for you?

Yes, please.

There you are. Very good, very good! Don't, don't...

That's how you do it! Just give me that phone, would you?!

I'm downloading your return ticket now,

and you're scanning that QR code on the way back if it kills me.

Yes, yes, whatever you say. Where exactly are we going here?

Coach C.

HE GROANS Oh, what is it now?

Well... I'm actually bursting for the toilet.

Oh, there's a toilet on the train.

"The train toilet must not be used whilst the train is stationary."

That's the first thing you learn when you become a conductor.

Well, you'll just need to hold on to it then.

Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you? Which bit of that would I love?

And could you not have mentioned this

before we got through the barrier?

Well, I didn't need to go before I'd come through the barrier.

Right, can you be done and back in... six minutes? Yes.

Oh! Maybe your new pal could let you out.

Right, we're in coach C, seat 41.

Coach C, seat 41, yes, yes!

OVER TANNOY: Ticket barriers are in operation at this station.

WHISTLE

Erm... excuse me, sorry, I've actually got that... seat booked.

HE TUTS

Thank you.

LAPTOP CHIMES

Oh, my... For... What's he doing?!

MOBILE RINGS

No. Oh!

Oh! Sorry, can I...

Sorry, I need to... Yeah.

Just...

Excuse me, excuse me! Excuse me.

Oh, yeah. You're watching something already?

Good heavens. The train's not even moving.

There you go, ham and cheese... bottle of water.

Don't worry, it's sparkling.

Lovely packet of cheese and onion crisps, and... a Twirl.

We're sharing that, mind - one finger each!

OVER TANNOY: Welcome aboard this ScotRail service to Wick.

Wick?! This train will call at Beauly... Are we on the right train?

...Dingwall, Alness, Invergordon...

Who the hell are you?

OVER TANNOY: Customers are reminded that Off-Peak tickets

are not valid on this service.

Oh, where the hell is he?!

Is he winding me up?!

Dad! WHISTLE

Dad! DOORS BEEPING

Dad!

My laptop. My laptop!

Oh, dear.

Hi, er, excuse me. Hi, sir. I'm sitting in there.

Thank you very much. Lovely. Thank you.

Oh, that was close! Ha-ha!

Disaster averted, eh?

TRAIN TOOTS

Where now? This way.

Hello, there. Excuse me, I was just, I was, eh...

...just wondering.

There's a lot of runners going about the place, you know,

giving it...

Eh, I don't suppose you've seen any men in Lycra about the place,

running about?

No. No.

Tights.

CHEERING

Nice, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, it's different.

Oh, look, there he is now!

Go, Tim!

Tim!

Come on, my son!

Oh, I did it.

Hey!

Hey! Oh!

Great run!

Oh, Richard. Hi. Oh, you made it then.

Where's Ken? He's not here?

I know. I meant, he's not shown up here?

Well, have you lost him?

I didn't lose him, he lost himself.

You mean he's missing?

It's OK, Mum, we'll have a Succus and then we'll talk this through.

Er, yeah, yeah, we got split up on the train.

I ended up in Beauly. I've got his phone. Look, it's a long story.

Right. Well, surely he'll just make his way back to Forres.

Er, he wouldn't be able to buy a ticket. Why?

Some guy made him stop carrying cash.

Richard! It's OK.

I know the event organisers.

They'll keep an eye out for him.

They've got people stationed all around the circuit.

Hey. Hi, yeah, it's me.

I just...

No... 39 minutes, 26 seconds.

Yeah, I know, I think it is a new personal best.

Sorry, yeah, listen, I need you to just do something for me.

Er, Beth, why don't you and Tim take the town -

you know, streets, tea shops, that sort of thing.

Cakes, scones, what have you.

Uh-huh, yeah. Me and Richard will take the woods.

Look, chances are he's probably got lost trying to find the finish line.

Yeah. No, I'm sure you're right.

Yeah, well, pasta for breakfast is controversial these days,

but, to be honest with you, I think it gave me the edge.

Tim?

Grey hair, yeah, glasses.

Yeah, just shoes, he was wearing shoes.

Jean?

No, no, no.

It couldn't be.

Sorry to bother you.

It's just I thought...

But it couldnae be.

HE YAWNS

Mr Pritch!

Dad!

Mr Pritch!

Dad!

Mr Pritch!

Dad!

CRUNCHING Oh, ow!

My ankle! Oh, God.

Right, hold on. Don't touch it.

Argh! What did I just say?

Sorry.

Oh. Let's get this off.

Ah! Ah!

Ah. Oh.

All the others were in the wash.

Well, that is just lovely.

OK, does it hurt if I do this?

Ah!

What about this? Aah!

Oh, that's interesting. Is it broken?

No, but I realised I can do this.

HE YELPS IN DESCENDING NOTES

? Stayin' alive, stayin' alive. ?

You're supposed to be a nurse!

Trust me, that is vanilla compared to what we usually get up to.

Oh. It's fine. You've just twisted it.

But... what do I do now? Have you made a will?

Oh, hilarious.

Nothing. Just give it a few minutes.

Be funny if we ended up having to eat each other.

I always forget that sometimes...

...silence is fine.

Yep.

Ah!

The bumblebee man.

Oh.

Ah! No, I need to stop.

Ah! Again?

It really hurts, Emily.

If zombies ever attack, remind me never to make a run for it with you.

Oh. Budge up!

SHE SIGHS

I'm sure Tim's got an ankle support with him.

I don't need Tim's ankle support.

Tim's Ankle Support.

It's quite a good name for a band, actually.

"Hi, we're Tim's Ankle Support, and this is a song about the first

"time that you properly fall in love."

Are you in love with him? What?

I'm sorry, what did you say? Nothing, nothing.

No. Me too.

Do you not like Tim? Erm...

What, me not like... Who, Tim?

I mean, I... I don't...

What does it even mean to like someone in the current climate?

OK, you don't like him. I'm not a fan, but... I...

I don't know, he just doesn't seem like your type.

What is my type?

Guys from Forres, mainly.

Yeah. Imagine wanting a change from that.

I know he seems a bit much sometimes, but...

...but he's sweet.

He's comfortable in himself.

He's a go-getter.

Things seem possible around him, you know.

He's actually thinking of moving to New Zealand for a year.

Is he? Really?

Oh, yeah, well, I've heard it's beautiful.

Mm.

He's asked me to go with him.

But the weather's meant to be terrible,

and I've heard it's prohibitively expensive.

This wellness retreat reached out to him on Instagram.

They want him to do a mind, body and soul workshop,

whatever that is.

And I could get a nursing job easily enough.

Oh, you've looked into it?

Well, a little bit. I mean, it's New Zealand.

Sure. And you've probably completed Forres anyway by now.

I haven't made my mind up yet.

Cool.

Sorry for bringing up zombies earlier.

I know how scared you are of them.

What?

Well, any horror film, really.

Every time you'd rent one, you'd watch it with your eyes closed.

Yeah, but that's because it's the score that makes it scary,

so it's actually braver just to listen. Mm.

And you'd always fall for the jump scares.

Well, they shouldn't just come out of nowhere like that!

Oh, so you are scared of them? No.

No? No! All right.

Sorry for bringing it up.

Thank you.

Maybe we should look down by those...

...TREES! HE YELPS

SHE LAUGHS So immature.

Oh, bollocks.

So, there you are!

Ah, his ankle. Ankle.

Where the hell have you been?!

Where the hell have I been?!

Coach C, seat 41.

Where the hell were you?

I'm sorry, who is this?

Oh. I ended up joining a search party for this fella,

and I found him.

Matches his description perfectly.

You joined your own search party? Course you did.

Eh? Ken!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, you silly man!

You had me so worried.

Don't do that again.

Hey, you should replenish your fluids. Take a sip of my Succus.

Eh?

Have you guys been here long?

No, we just got here. So you didn't see anything?

What? Nothing.

Can you take me back to my family now?

Yes, I'll take you back to your family now.

You've been banging on about that for some time now.

They're making a terrible fuss...

What a day.

Where did your laptop end up?

Glasgow. Oh.

I had my whole life on that laptop.

Oh, look at that.

I was going to watch The Untouchables tonight.

AS SEAN CONNERY: He puts one of yours in the morgue,

you put one of his in the hospital.

It's the other way about. What?

AS SEAN CONNERY: He puts one of yours in the hospital,

you put one of his is in the morgue. That's the Chicago way.

Who are you doing?

Honestly, I give up.

Right, Dad, I'm knackered.

I'm going to bed.

Night-night.

OK.

Goodnight, son.

Yah!

You can stream it. I what?

Watch it online.

Don't need the satellite for that.

JINGLE

There you go. Marvellous!

It'll start in a minute.

Ho-ho!

Oh, thanks, son!

Hee-hee!

Oh, for fu...

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0