Original subtitles

You've been good...

...ish..behavior.

In 8 of 12 months time served we have the discretion to

grant parole, Friday the 10th, five days from now.

Are you sorry about what you did?

Yes.

Yes?

That's the correct answer, isn't it?

Are you trying to annoy us?

No, I'm just trying to give you

the answers you need to cover your asses,

fill out your forms, and let me out of here.

We need you to show us remorse.

Is that how our system works?

Release the best actors?

I shudder to think what that world would be like.

You drove your car into your ex-girlfriend's house

and then fled the country for three months.

I knew that her daughter was at grandma's,

like every Friday,

and I saw everyone else move into the living room.

They could've moved back.

Which I would've noticed

since I was driving right towards them.

Shut up. We got an order to reduce overcrowding.

But let me be clear-- you mouth off to one guard,

we catch you with a single cafeteria tray in your cell,

you break any rules I don't even remember,

you can park your ass here for four more months.

So forget being sorry.

Can you stay out of trouble for five days?

Yes.

Get in line for meds! Asofa!

Why you keep helping him out?

Yeah, why would I wanna make sure

that my homicidal cellmate

is taking the right anti-psychotics?

House!

Mendelson!

He's on 80 mg of Propranolol. That's 40.

You're right. Sorry.

No worries.

I like my nurses naughty.

I'm starting to think, Mendelson,

that you just really like the taste of my spit.

Hey, House.

Check out our new brand, huh?

You really got a thing for swastikas, Mendelson.

Like an ironic thing?

It's a German name.

So is "House." I'm Jewish.

Nah, I'm a black, gay gypsy.

Knight to King's Bishop three.

Queen to King's Bishop seven.

Hey.

You're House, right?

I got these weird pains in my elbows

and in my knees--

You know, what's weirder

is how the clinic is a large room

and you somehow confused me with it.

Although, to be fair, I am large.

Hi, Rollo.

I realize this is probably a rhetorical question--

why are you stealing my stuff?

Hey, House. I heard you're on short time.

You won't need this.

You heard about my parole,

but not about my violent reactions

when people steal my tuna.

Put it back.

Nuh-uh.

Really?

You're stepping to a guy

who outweighs you by 50 pounds,

and he was carrying a cane, which,

while prison-approved, would still cause some issues

if inserted into your colon.

Yeah, like you losing your parole.

And you ain't gonna rat me out neither,

'cause you don't wanna get a snitch jacket

and wind up shanked in the showers.

So you're just gonna let me walk out of here.

You wanna get back at these guys...

Get out alive on Friday.

All right, now go to work, House.

Oh, and that was Checkmate, right?

Yep.

I heard you're on that short time, House?

If you like tuna, you're a little late.

I want your stereo and your headphones.

It can wait till you finish your work.

Drop it off in my cell.

99.9.

I'm gonna start him on ceftriaxone.

Good catch.

I might've missed that.

It's not gonorrhea.

I didn't say it was.

Not out loud,

but you're figuring that joint pain,

plus fever, plus a low lifestyle

equals a ceftriaxone prescription.

So you're saying I got the clap?

I've only been in here one week.

My girlfriend's clean.

I ain't got a girlfriend in here.

How do you know about ceftriaxone?

House used to be a doctor.

Not going back,

and that look of shock is elitist and offensive.

Doctors can be degenerates. This is America.

There's subtle eyebrow loss.

It's lupus.

Well, there's no discoid or malar rash on his face.

Which would be dispositive if he was just a giant head.

He's got a point,

but I'll let you make the call.

No, there's no reason to search for a bodily rash

since lupus doesn't usually present that way.

"Usually"?

Well, I guess that's good enough for prison work.

You don't write people up for mouthing off, do you?

Not usually.

You don't wanna mess with Stomper.

He didn't get that name

because he's a fan of Santa's reindeer.

You think one of Santa's reindeer

was called Stomper?

You're missing my point.

I'm not gonna listen to a guy who can't name the reindeer.

Well, you saw what happened in the yard with Diaz.

He barely said a couple of words

and set the boy off.

Oh, no.

I know that look.

Hey, Stomper.

Where's my stereo?

I brought it to your cell.

It ain't there.

I was just getting to that part.

Rollo followed me in and took it.

No way Rollo'd diss me like that.

Way. I don't wanna start any rumors, but--

But what?

Well, he was all, you know, "I could take Stomper."

And I was all, "how come?"

And he was all, "'cause of how Diaz

kicked his ass last month."

In fact, he actually called you "Stompee,"

with an "ee."

I think his gist was...

You took my stereo?

Get out of my House, Stomper.

I ain't got no stereo.

Well, then what's this, then?

What? I didn't put that there!

You're gonna lie to my face, you lying son of a bitch!

What? I didn't do anything!

Next time I will take your stereo!

Ow!

That was stupid.

Is that, like, a synonym for "clever"?

By the time they get out of solitary,

I'll be teaching physics at the University of Fiji.

You have four days left.

How many more tricks do you got?

Don't.

This another pet?

'Cause it's gonna end badly.

Again.

Remember we talked about this?

At least I talked, and you stared at me eerily.

I think it was eerily.

"Eerily" felt like the best-case scenario.

Hey.

Take off your shirt so I can find the rash.

Oh, now you wanna help me.

'Cause that doctor didn't believe you?

Well, if you can think of a better way

to prove that she's an idiot,

I'm all ears.

Now, let's get this over with.

Yeah.

That's Nicole.

She lives at her mom's now

on account that she lost her job.

Her mom hates me, so she can't visit,

she ain't accepting my calls.

Well, that's what happens when you date a 12-year-old.

You don't believe me?

Belief implies a level of giving a crap

that I am never gonna achieve.

Pull down your pants.

Hey.

It's not that I was trying to prove

that you're an idiot or anything,

but lupus boy and I were at the beach this morning,

and I noticed a rash on his left thigh.

I checked you out.

You were a pretty big deal.

What went wrong?

Something very obvious and very boring.

Drug related?

Forging prescriptions?

Oh, you're good,

just like lupus boy will be

when you start him on prednisone.

Name should've been a giveaway.

I'll send him up.

Why are you so sure

I'm gonna do what you say?

Because you're a smart, old-money, trust-fund girl

who took this job because your liberal ideology

makes you wanna make a difference,

but you're already getting bored,

and this is interesting.

Why would you say any of that?

Your shoes--

a different, expensive pair every day,

but never leather,

which means you're both rich and liberal.

Antique locket-- it's unpolished gold.

Not some hipster thing.

It's a family heirloom, which means old money.

Osler scarf-- only on Fridays,

which means you did your residency at Hopkins,

which means you're smarter than our interactions

would so far indicate.

And your eyes--

the only time you haven't looked bored

in the three months since you've been here

is when we've been discussing this diagnosis.

So, yeah, you'll treat him for lupus.

House.

He wants you.

Parole?

You didn't tell me.

I didn't want a big, emotional scene.

But you know what the rules are.

On short time, tax goes up.

How many do you want?

All of 'em.

Come on, Mendelson.

I should be on six a day.

I get four, and I give you two.

Fine. Get one in my cell after lights-out.

Plus Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

that's 11 in all.

I count 20.

You knew on Monday, you get out Friday.

Five days.

You should've told me earlier.

They give out four a day, Max.

You'll figure something out.

You're a creative guy.

What if I just go into protective custody,

spend the next three days in the hole?

Oh, you could P.C. up.

But then you'll get out,

and unlike you...

I got friends on the outside.

Porter.

Doc, what ya need?

I'm running a special on grilled cheese this week.

Got some new girly mags too.

I was thinking of something more...

Vicodin-y.

At least 16,

and I need them Friday at noon.

Ooh, I mean, that's pricy,

but it can be done.

How about you have one of your peeps on the outside

send $200 to my boy up in Trenton?

I am peep-less.

This is just you haggling, right?

No. You ever see me chatting on the phone,

taking visitors?

All right, but I'm gonna have to clean you out.

I'm gonna need to see some tuna.

I'm gonna need to see some stamps, uh, stereo--

just get 'em to me as soon as you can.

What happened?

I was trying to use the phone.

I just--I just got jostled a little, that's it.

Who hit you?

I just--I just bumped into the wall.

Huh.

That's not lupus.

Is that good?

Does it feel good?

Sick.

No, I'm just going through a bit of withdrawal.

I'm trying to survive on one a day

for the next few days.

No.

Fix him.

It's not lupus. He broke his arm.

Or it is lupus, and he was in a fight.

He was in a jostle.

'Cause if he admits he was in a fight,

then he goes to the hole.

That's why he'd lie to the guards.

He's got no reason to lie to me.

Huh.

See? There are those eyes again.

How about a viral syndrome?

Or MRSA?

No, that wouldn't chew up the bone that fast.

But reaction to meds could.

- May I? - May you what?

Make me lose my job by showing you

a patient file?

But why don't you assume

no recent meds?

How long can I assume that he's been smoking?

Based on his yellow fingers.

You're thinking lung cancer.

Metastatic. I'll X-ray him on Friday.

We share a traveling X-ray machine

two other clinics.

I'm out of here on Friday.

He's not.

Well, how about...

If he throws a clot and strokes out,

you can use the X-ray to do the autopsy.

Start him on blood thinners.

Very interesting practice you must've run.

No need for tests.

No need for proof.

Where are you going?

To the proof store.

You were right about Nicole.

About me not caring? I thought so.

It wasn't her mom. It was her.

She doesn't wanna talk to me.

Listen, I'm trying to listen to your lungs,

not your self-pity.

Cancer can wait.

Hey, heading out to the yard?

Mm-hmm.

You mind trying to find me a cricket?

The ol' swap trick?

You don't think that will piss off your cellie even more

when he figures it's a different bug?

I'll dress 'em the same, like in Vertigo.

Well, I'll try, but they spray so much pesticide

I'm surprised we're alive.

Good point.

Hey. How's it coming?

It ain't.

The confederates be giving themselves spankin' new tats.

They putting a claim on all of my Vicodin.

Now, I love you and all, my brother,

but not as much as I love my gang

of crazy, roided-out Nazi bitches.

Turn to an inch to the left.

Hear the difference?

Yeah!

It's called an acoustical shadow.

It means he's got a tumor.

How did you find that without a stethoscope?

I didn't even know you could do this!

Start the blood thinners.

So I for sure got lung cancer?

- No. - Yeah.

All you've proven

is there's an anomaly in his chest.

Which means your initial diagnosis

could still be right.

Which apparently really bugs you.

I could do a clotting test.

That's...

That's a good idea.

We're just gonna cut your earlobe a bit

and check back in two minutes.

If there's a little blood bubbling up, that's normal.

But if it's completely clotted,

it may indicate cancer.

Okay? Ready?

Are you really leaving medicine?

What are you gonna do?

You know, for someone

who asks as many favors as you do,

you sure don't make any effort

to win me over.

Before I went to med school,

I thought about getting a Ph.D. in physics.

You ever heard of dark matter?

The way galaxies rotate, the motion of the Universe,

it means there's six times more stuff

than we can detect.

But it's theorized.

No one's ever proved it exists.

So you wanna research it?

Why?

It's the greatest mystery there is--

the theory of everything.

And completely divorced from humanity.

Well, me and humanity,

we got together too young.

Tsk. You have a gift.

There is something in this world

you are undeniably great at.

You can read people.

You-- you understand them.

You gotta go back to medicine.

Well, if that gift is related to what brought me here,

you'll understand if I wanna check the returns policy.

Hey!

Is this supposed to happen?

Cool.

Jiminy didn't chirp much last night.

If it's a disease, then he's six inches under.

But this could also be pesticide poisoning...

Which bicarbonate of soda has been used to treat.

See?

Just so much and no more.

Mm...

This is where you say "thank you."

Or I say thank you

for not killing me.

Thank you.

Hey.

The X-ray didn't show any tumors.

The acoustical shadow was just a lipoma.

I'm thinking-- you all right?

I'm fine.

Ibuprofen?

That's not gonna help.

You can look at the patient file

if you want.

You trust me?

Any reason I shouldn't?

You're really not good at reading people, are you?

Or buildings.

People are complicated.

And people change.

Not that much to the first,

and not at all to the second.

But if it'll get me the file...

If we add "clotting disorder" to the symptoms,

it's gotta be a toxin.

This guy's the only one with symptoms.

It's either gotta be his cell or his work station.

The laundry room.

So maybe a solvent or detergent?

Can you get me an escort to gather samples?

Dr. Adams.

Why does he have a file?

You need to get cotton swabs--

but not now.

I got something to do.

You're a prisoner on tier time.

By definition, you have nothing to do.

Call her family, her friends, her work.

I'm gonna get through eventually.

You're moving slower. You're getting weaker.

This thing's attacking your bones, your joints,

your blood.

Look, my girl's more important.

She's not your girl, you idiot.

She was the girlfriend of a loser drug dealer.

Think she's got the self-control

to wait around for three years?

You think she should?

There's a reason we're locked away

from nice, normal people.

Your life outside is over.

Your friends, your girl, everyone you worked with,

they've moved on.

Get out of my house.

Get out!

Where's Sykes?

Off at his other clinics.

Great. Well, I'm gonna go through the laundry.

Give me some swabs.

No.

What? He yelled at you for letting me see the file?

You'll get over it.

A few years of therapy--

Why did you lie to me about what you were in for?

Okay, so I drove a car into a wall

instead of stealing some pills.

You obviously don't care what I did.

You care that I lied to you. You feel jilted.

I feel stupid.

It--it doesn't even make sense.

Why are you doing time?

You didn't have any priors.

You didn't hurt anyone.

I had a bad lawyer.

I'm sorry.

We can't talk about this case anymore.

Ugh!

We hear you're gonna need an incentive

to get all my pills by tomorrow.

I--I can't get all 20, but once I get out--

Give us a minute.

Why do you think I'm on buspirone?

The stress!

And I get the runs almost every day.

Any sign of weakness, 20 guys would line up

to stick a sharpened-up toothbrush in my eye.

So as much as my better nature

really wants to give you a pass...

It just wouldn't be good for my health.

See you tomorrow.

I need your help.

You have any matches?

No, that's serious contraband.

What are you planning to do?

What about a stick of gum?

Sure.

I'm gonna need that too.

Why?

Why do I need the pen that you always carry around

and never write with?

This is plan "B."

What happened to your cheek?

What is it?

A fire?

House, we gotta evacuate this area.

Come on.

Hey. Hey, House.

You were saying something about how I should, like,

uh, swab or--

You're confusing me with the clinic again.

What?

You're abandoning me?

As soon as you leave, I am.

Why? What changed?

I'm just done.

No you, no medicine, no fixing people.

Done.

Now get out.

No!

Your lips are swelling.

Open your mouth.

Did you just eat something?

Meatloaf, potatoes, coffee...

You allergic to anything?

Guard!

You're going into anaphylactic shock.

Guard! Dammit.

I gotta make a hole so you can breathe.

House, get away from him.

He's having an allergic reaction.

He can't breathe.

Lie on the ground with your hands behind your head.

Alvarez, look at what I'm doing!

It's a tracheotomy. Come on, man.

You know I'm a doctor.

What's wrong with him?

I have no idea.

Saving us both from contraband charges.

It was great knowing you.

I need to be taken into protective custody.

Wow.

That was great.

I think I really dodged a bullet there.

You don't need P.C.?

Uh, it's nothing personal.

We'll reschedule. Rain check, I promise.

It wasn't the food. It was the heat.

It's mastocytosis.

It can be set off by hot liquids,

like the coffee he just drank.

Masto's usually a skin disease.

Usually?

It can hit any organ.

Joint pain, osteopenia, and anaphylaxis,

eyebrow loss...

It fits.

It's a possibility.

I'll run some blood tests. Thank you.

No, no!

It's almost impossible to confirm masto

with blood work.

Just give him five aspirin.

If he has masto,

he'll go into anaphylactic shock

and won't be able to breathe again.

You do understand the meaning of the word "confirm."

I'll do it.

I almost died in that cell.

House, you're in here because you think you can do

whatever you want whenever you want.

You can't, and neither can I.

The A.C.L.U. would have my job,

my license, maybe even my house,

if I do an unauthorized experiment--

But if--if it is masto--

It's not.

What do you have to lose by giving him the aspirin?

I'm not taking the risk.

It's his risk to take.

If he has another attack

and there isn't a doctor in the next cell, he could die!

So for one second, will you stop covering your ass

and do the test?

I think House is right.

No.

You're a moron and a coward. I'll do it myself.

Guard.

You're done here, just like every other place

you've ever set foot in your life.

If I ever see you in here again,

I will write you up,

and they will revoke your parole.

Dr. House.

Did you get all the Vicodin you needed?

I'm not an idiot.

That fire, the bruise on your face...

I talk to prisoners. I know about exit taxes.

You're clearly getting squeezed.

I need 20.

And let me back into the clinic

when Sykes is gone.

We'll take care of Nick.

You can't if you're not willing--

Just take care of yourself.

Well done.

If knew if you'd learned nothing else in here,

you'd learned the smart thing is to fall in line.

You're absolutely right.

Hey, hey, hey!

I need backup here.

Hey! Hey!

Son of a bitch.

You'd better be fast...

Come on. Come on!

Thanks for getting me to the clinic.

Take him out.

I've got only two years left in my stretch.

Take him out.

C.O.! We have a little problem here!

I need backup, I need backup!

Alvarez!

Mendelson! Sullivan!

Mendelson! You're gonna pay for this.

Hey...I'm just playing solitaire.

Hands behind your head!

On the ground!

You are so lucky.

We got a guy in an ambulance heading to Princeton General.

Another dozen getting teargas hosed off them.

Hey! Sit down!

Where's the aspirin?

Back off!

Oh, God.

Did you get beaten up on purpose?

House, what are you doing?

Hey!

House, open up!

This is a direct order!

Yeah, it's always a direct order.

Eight months. Haven't heard an indirect order in here.

Dr. Adams!

They're gonna revoke your parole.

They're gonna charge you with extra crimes.

You'll be here six more months, minimum!

Sorry. Distracted. You were saying?

I checked your file. You didn't have a bad lawyer.

You had no lawyer.

You took the first deal they offered you,

because you wanted to punish yourself.

Do you think getting beaten up,

you think saving this one guy will wipe your slate clean?

No.

Then why are you doing this?

'Cause I have a gift.

Once you drink this,

should get an attack almost immediately.

That is, if I'm right.

Just bought yourself months in solitary.

Was it really worth it?

If I'm wrong, no, it wasn't.

No! No! No! Get the cup!

Get the cup!

Just drink it! Drink it!

No! Grab the cup!

Hands behind your back.

What were you thinking?

I don't know. I--I was scared.

No!

You're fired.

You're beyond fired.

You're completely unhireable anywhere.

You understand that?

Yes.

Now shut up and let's see if he has an attack.

Come on, just a little more time.

Get him out of here.

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