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1
00:00:03,641 --> 00:00:06,345
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
2
00:00:06,445 --> 00:00:09,719
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
3
00:00:09,753 --> 00:00:12,625
? The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?
4
00:00:12,692 --> 00:00:17,702
? And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ?
5
00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,512
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
6
00:00:22,579 --> 00:00:25,551
? Good - ?
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
7
00:00:25,585 --> 00:00:26,635
Aah!
8
00:00:27,722 --> 00:00:31,395
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
9
00:00:33,535 --> 00:00:35,437
Is dinner ready yet?
10
00:00:35,505 --> 00:00:36,640
It has to be.
11
00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:38,375
I've been grating
this Parmesan for an hour.
12
00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:40,782
You've started grating
your fingers, Stan.
13
00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:42,250
Oh, yeah.
14
00:00:42,351 --> 00:00:44,557
I don't care.
I'll eat finger meat.
15
00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:45,858
I'm just so hungry.
16
00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:49,164
Shut your yap, Jeffrey.
I'm hangry enough to stab you.
17
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:53,439
[ Sniffs ] Ugh! These expired
three years ago.
18
00:00:53,473 --> 00:00:54,810
Salad's ruined.
19
00:00:54,877 --> 00:00:59,520
It's all riding on the lasagna,
and lasagna's biggest question.
20
00:00:59,553 --> 00:01:01,823
Has it cooked
all the way through?
21
00:01:03,393 --> 00:01:06,733
Just needs
a little elbow grease.
22
00:01:07,936 --> 00:01:09,572
[ Grunting ]
23
00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:16,485
There's got to
be a better way!
24
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,758
Why are weeknight
dinners so hard?
25
00:01:18,858 --> 00:01:20,428
We could have ate
the top part!
26
00:01:20,493 --> 00:01:22,865
I just want
my life back.
27
00:01:22,866 --> 00:01:24,535
You all
aren't gonna believe this,
28
00:01:24,536 --> 00:01:26,404
but there's a class
at the learning annex
29
00:01:26,405 --> 00:01:29,411
tonight called "Easy, 15 Minute
Weeknight Meals,
30
00:01:29,445 --> 00:01:30,915
Colon, Get Your
Life Back."
31
00:01:30,982 --> 00:01:33,521
My raggedy colon
could use its life back.
32
00:01:33,555 --> 00:01:35,792
No, I mean the colon.
That's two dots.
33
00:01:35,892 --> 00:01:37,895
Two dots?
34
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,670
Sup, dawgs?
35
00:01:41,671 --> 00:01:43,405
What's up dawgs
is we're taking our lives
36
00:01:43,406 --> 00:01:45,945
back from the tyranny
of weeknight dinners.
37
00:01:45,978 --> 00:01:51,557
Sick. I won't be doing that.
I have a friend coming over.
38
00:01:51,590 --> 00:01:54,663
Can y'all drop me
off at my curiosity shop?
39
00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,298
Thanks for asking.
40
00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,601
My Curiosity's shop from
when Steve
41
00:01:57,602 --> 00:01:59,472
and his friends
were witches.
42
00:01:59,473 --> 00:02:02,410
Steve, you and your friends ever
talk about being witches again?
43
00:02:02,411 --> 00:02:03,345
No.
44
00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:04,848
Did he just
roll his eyes at me?
45
00:02:04,849 --> 00:02:07,622
Out of his witch phase
and into his bitch phase.
46
00:02:07,722 --> 00:02:10,432
I can't believe you're
going to miss out on this class
47
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,431
just to hang out
with some "friend."
48
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,536
Danuta: Hey, Klaus.
Danuta.
49
00:02:14,803 --> 00:02:17,007
Danuta?
50
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:18,443
Klaus, no.
51
00:02:18,444 --> 00:02:20,547
That's why I said "friend"
and not her name.
52
00:02:20,548 --> 00:02:24,890
Her name, Danuta,
of course. That is the name.
53
00:02:24,923 --> 00:02:26,459
She owns it.
54
00:02:26,492 --> 00:02:28,731
What mischief
are we getting into tonight?
55
00:02:28,764 --> 00:02:32,037
We're gonna do hot girl stuff
and burn letters from our exes.
56
00:02:32,104 --> 00:02:35,611
It's a full moon, so the perfect
time to cleanse our souls.
57
00:02:35,644 --> 00:02:39,085
I'd love to watch
you cleanse your soul, Danuta.
58
00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:40,254
Join us.
No!
59
00:02:40,354 --> 00:02:41,790
Too late, I accept.
60
00:02:43,661 --> 00:02:47,134
Shouldn't we have
stoves or ovens to cook on?
61
00:02:47,135 --> 00:02:48,235
[ Organ playing ]
62
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,738
Kricket Limone: Friends, are you
63
00:02:49,739 --> 00:02:52,846
tired of spending hours
of your day cooking one meal?
64
00:02:52,912 --> 00:02:55,050
Do you want your time back?
65
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,454
Do you want your life back?
66
00:02:57,522 --> 00:02:58,624
Yes.
67
00:02:58,657 --> 00:03:01,195
Well, put your hands
together for the one
68
00:03:01,228 --> 00:03:04,703
and only Cricket Lament!
69
00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:06,239
[ Air horn blares ]
70
00:03:06,774 --> 00:03:11,482
There's a reason I start this
class at precisely 9:47 p.m.
71
00:03:11,516 --> 00:03:13,420
Because that's the time
72
00:03:13,521 --> 00:03:16,660
when we've all given up
on whatever crock pot
73
00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:22,506
Tchhef Boing-ardee slop
they've brainwashed you to make!
74
00:03:22,539 --> 00:03:25,144
Weeknight meal shouldn't take
away your life.
75
00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:27,882
Oh, but it does, cricket.
It does.
76
00:03:27,949 --> 00:03:29,986
I know my son.
77
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,089
[ Sniffs ]
78
00:03:31,122 --> 00:03:32,659
Don't sniff my hand.
79
00:03:32,692 --> 00:03:36,533
I'm gonna show you
how to make delicious,
80
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:43,046
nutritious,
easy meals in only 15 minutes!
81
00:03:43,112 --> 00:03:44,415
[ Cheers and applause ]
82
00:03:44,416 --> 00:03:46,284
We're going to get
our lives back, Billy!
83
00:03:46,285 --> 00:03:48,389
Picture it. You're at home.
84
00:03:48,423 --> 00:03:50,562
It's 6:45 p.m.,
85
00:03:50,595 --> 00:03:54,435
and by 7:00,
you have an osso buco
86
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:57,408
with red bean cassoulet!
87
00:03:57,441 --> 00:03:59,546
[ Cheers and applause ]
88
00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:02,317
But how did you
make it?
89
00:04:02,384 --> 00:04:06,527
Easily.
And in only 15 minutes!
90
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,396
[ Cheers and applause ]
91
00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:12,370
[ Klaus grunting ]
92
00:04:12,371 --> 00:04:15,443
Hayley: He's gonna take forever
to scoot over here.
93
00:04:15,444 --> 00:04:17,147
Let's just start.
94
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:18,951
Double driving canes!
95
00:04:19,018 --> 00:04:22,057
Oh, whoa, whoa.
96
00:04:22,091 --> 00:04:25,565
Ah, ah. I can't stop!
Catch me!
97
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:26,464
Aah!
98
00:04:26,465 --> 00:04:28,069
What's crackin', babies?
99
00:04:28,169 --> 00:04:29,304
I'll start.
100
00:04:29,305 --> 00:04:30,874
This is from Bruce
at the car wash.
101
00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:33,413
He broke my heart
and my side view mirror.
102
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:36,319
And now I'm letting it go.
103
00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:37,622
This is from Nolan,
104
00:04:37,722 --> 00:04:39,712
my boyfriend of one day
in eighth grade.
105
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:40,809
He wrote,
106
00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:42,064
"The only chemistry we
107
00:04:42,097 --> 00:04:43,768
have together
is fifth period."
108
00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:47,709
My turn. These are letters
from various catalog models.
109
00:04:47,776 --> 00:04:49,646
No, runway models.
110
00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:55,824
No, runway poker babes whose
hearts I completely wrecked.
111
00:04:57,194 --> 00:04:59,331
Uh, this is
a cease and desist
112
00:04:59,365 --> 00:05:00,902
letter from
Rue McClanahan.
113
00:05:00,903 --> 00:05:02,971
Didn't she play Blanche
on "Golden Girl"?
114
00:05:02,972 --> 00:05:05,110
"Golden Girls", you idiot.
115
00:05:05,177 --> 00:05:07,180
And her character gave
mixed signals.
116
00:05:07,214 --> 00:05:08,350
Give that back.
117
00:05:08,383 --> 00:05:09,853
[ Gasps ]
118
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:11,690
[ Laughs ]
119
00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:14,460
Together: Can you
leave us alone?
120
00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:15,932
Danuta and I are vibing.
121
00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:19,104
No, we're having a girls
night, and you're ruining it.
122
00:05:19,138 --> 00:05:20,407
Classic Klaus.
123
00:05:20,474 --> 00:05:22,277
You don't like
me, do you, Hayley?
124
00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:24,649
I...love you.
You're family.
125
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:26,385
But you don't like me.
126
00:05:26,419 --> 00:05:28,056
You don't like me.
127
00:05:28,057 --> 00:05:30,392
You're only hanging out with me
because Danuta is here.
128
00:05:30,393 --> 00:05:31,930
You're kind of
a weasel.
129
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,301
You always have
an ulterior motive.
130
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:35,672
That's not true.
131
00:05:35,738 --> 00:05:38,109
I wouldn't have joined
if you'd asked me not to.
132
00:05:38,142 --> 00:05:39,478
I did ask you not to.
133
00:05:39,479 --> 00:05:41,549
Yeah, but I want
Danuta to be my girlfriend,
134
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,085
so I didn't consider
how you felt.
135
00:05:43,086 --> 00:05:44,488
You understand.
136
00:05:44,489 --> 00:05:45,757
Y'all want to hear
a scary story?
137
00:05:45,758 --> 00:05:47,561
I don't have
an active imagination.
138
00:05:47,562 --> 00:05:49,231
Is there a video game
version of it?
139
00:05:49,232 --> 00:05:50,433
Come on.
140
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,703
It'll stop you both
from fighting.
141
00:05:51,704 --> 00:05:53,541
And I'll get to
practice talking.
142
00:05:53,574 --> 00:05:55,544
I want to be a talker
to people someday.
143
00:05:55,578 --> 00:05:57,380
Oh, you'd be great
at that.
144
00:05:57,414 --> 00:05:58,784
You do think so?
145
00:05:58,818 --> 00:06:01,422
It was a night just like this.
146
00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:04,796
When the shapeshifter demon
who lives in the well
147
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,332
made his first kill.
148
00:06:06,398 --> 00:06:07,568
[ Door slams ]
[ Gasps ]
149
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:13,747
Two lovers, Tommy and Miranda,
were parked at Makeout Point.
150
00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:15,383
Hot.
Hot.
151
00:06:15,384 --> 00:06:16,886
After making out
for an hour,
152
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:18,189
hard for like an hour.
153
00:06:18,256 --> 00:06:19,458
Just an hour?
154
00:06:19,459 --> 00:06:20,894
Probably in a rush
to get to
155
00:06:20,895 --> 00:06:22,464
Pound Town, USA.
156
00:06:22,531 --> 00:06:23,767
Yeah, yeah!
157
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:24,970
Quiet, please.
158
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:27,809
They took a lovers stroll
to the well nearby.
159
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,278
[ Twig snaps ]
160
00:06:29,746 --> 00:06:33,453
Overcome with love,
Tommy calls into the well.
161
00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:35,490
"I Love you, Miranda!"
162
00:06:35,591 --> 00:06:36,993
It echoes back.
163
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,633
I love you, Miranda,
Miranda, Miranda.
164
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,672
But when Miranda tries
to profess her love for Tommy
165
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,075
into the well, she can't.
166
00:06:44,108 --> 00:06:48,316
As if a dark spirit
was squeezing her throat.
167
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,753
[ Gasps ]
168
00:06:49,853 --> 00:06:53,894
When Miranda turns
around, Tommy is gone.
169
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:59,606
They search for him,
but he was never found.
170
00:06:59,639 --> 00:07:06,385
Until one night,
Miranda wakes up to a tap, tap,
171
00:07:06,452 --> 00:07:08,524
tap on her window.
172
00:07:08,591 --> 00:07:11,797
When she looks outside,
she sees Tommy.
173
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:15,170
He's back.
He beckons her to the well,
174
00:07:15,204 --> 00:07:18,777
where he asks her to try and
profess her love for him again.
175
00:07:18,878 --> 00:07:24,254
Miranda leans over the edge
and cries, "I love you, Tommy!"
176
00:07:24,355 --> 00:07:27,494
As the well echoes back,
"Tommy, Tommy",
177
00:07:27,528 --> 00:07:32,839
Miranda sees the real Tommy
at the bottom, dead.
178
00:07:32,872 --> 00:07:33,974
[ Gasping ]
179
00:07:34,008 --> 00:07:35,276
[ Owl hoots ]
180
00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:39,653
Terrified,
she slowly turns to the thing
181
00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:41,355
who brought her there.
182
00:07:41,389 --> 00:07:43,661
Tommy is mine.
183
00:07:43,694 --> 00:07:45,263
And now you're mine, too!
184
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:46,667
[ Screaming ]
185
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,003
[ Guitar screeches ]
186
00:07:48,103 --> 00:07:49,639
? Welcome to Eufearia ?
187
00:07:49,673 --> 00:07:52,010
? It's like euphoria,
but with fear ?
188
00:07:52,011 --> 00:07:53,813
? You ain't dead,
but you're scared to death ?
189
00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:56,586
? And it feels real good,
like beer ?
190
00:07:57,788 --> 00:08:01,896
Oh, God. Oh, God!
Come on, wake up!
191
00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:03,433
[ Guitar playing ]
192
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,938
? Don't get it twisted,
this place ain't real ?
193
00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:08,710
? It's a representation of
how fear can feel ?
194
00:08:08,811 --> 00:08:12,084
? Sometimes it feels scary,
but sometimes it feels good ?
195
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:15,624
? Don't you get the gist?
I knew you would ?
196
00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:19,999
[ Tires squeal ]
197
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,574
[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]
198
00:08:23,874 --> 00:08:25,410
Holy crap!
199
00:08:25,411 --> 00:08:27,313
That was better
than any high I've ever had.
200
00:08:27,314 --> 00:08:30,555
I was scared,
but it felt amazing.
201
00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:32,458
I know this is crazy,
202
00:08:32,459 --> 00:08:34,795
but would you want to get
scared with me again?
203
00:08:34,796 --> 00:08:37,334
Okay, but only
if my boy Jurgen can come.
204
00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:38,637
No.
Okay.
205
00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:45,416
Danuta: They were dead
when I found them!
206
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:46,467
Oh. You're alive.
207
00:08:46,486 --> 00:08:47,621
Big time.
208
00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:48,956
But we need your
scary story again
209
00:08:48,957 --> 00:08:50,928
and the way it
made us feel.
210
00:08:52,464 --> 00:08:54,335
[ Klaus gasping ]
211
00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:57,609
One way ticket to Montenegro?
212
00:08:57,709 --> 00:09:00,346
Oh, no extradition from there
213
00:09:00,446 --> 00:09:03,052
because you thought
you'd killed us.
214
00:09:03,053 --> 00:09:04,153
[ Chuckles ] Smart girl.
215
00:09:04,154 --> 00:09:06,760
Give it to us, D.
Give us the story again.
216
00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:09,510
I don't think I should.
I thought you were dead before.
217
00:09:09,599 --> 00:09:12,009
Plus, Nerfer is sleeping,
and she gets prickly
218
00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:13,607
if she wakes up
to a whole scene.
219
00:09:13,608 --> 00:09:15,243
Give us the story,
220
00:09:15,276 --> 00:09:18,784
or I'll slap those pointy bangs
off your gorgeous face.
221
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:21,289
No. They accentuate our eyes.
Slap the...
222
00:09:21,322 --> 00:09:23,994
Slap the...This is hard.
Every part's perfect.
223
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:25,898
Slap racism!
224
00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:28,462
Now tell the story
before I lose my freaking cool!
225
00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:32,945
Okay. It was a night
just like this.
226
00:09:33,981 --> 00:09:35,584
Here it comes!
227
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:38,055
I know you're mine, too!
228
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:39,574
Where is it?
229
00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:40,795
Danuta told it wrong.
230
00:09:40,895 --> 00:09:42,765
Why did you
tell it wrong?!
231
00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:44,601
Maybe you didn't faint
because you already know
232
00:09:44,602 --> 00:09:46,005
how the story goes.
233
00:09:46,038 --> 00:09:48,508
She's right. We need to find new
things to scare us.
234
00:09:48,510 --> 00:09:49,946
Let's boogie, Klaus.
235
00:09:50,046 --> 00:09:53,252
My assistant Steve will be
by later for my driving canes.
236
00:09:53,286 --> 00:09:54,354
[ Snaps ]
237
00:09:56,492 --> 00:09:59,031
Woman in movie:
Jonathan, is that you?
238
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,433
Man: Time to die!
239
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,550
[ Crowd gasps ]
240
00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:02,672
That was it!
241
00:10:02,739 --> 00:10:04,074
That wasn't scary at all!
242
00:10:04,107 --> 00:10:05,477
Boo!
Boo!
243
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:06,880
You're being disruptive.
244
00:10:06,881 --> 00:10:08,081
I'm gonna have to ask you
to leave.
245
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:10,219
We're already
leaving, nerd.
246
00:10:10,253 --> 00:10:11,789
This stinks.
[ Snaps ]
247
00:10:11,823 --> 00:10:14,128
That snap thing
you've been doing,
248
00:10:14,161 --> 00:10:15,964
that's cool, Klaus.
249
00:10:17,835 --> 00:10:20,775
Okay.
This feels pretty spooky.
250
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:22,512
I brought
a spirit box.
251
00:10:22,545 --> 00:10:25,183
It allows ghosts
to communicate with us.
252
00:10:25,283 --> 00:10:26,653
I don't know how it works,
253
00:10:26,654 --> 00:10:27,954
but it came with a free
Hello Kitty key chain,
254
00:10:27,955 --> 00:10:30,427
so I was like, "Uh, sold."
255
00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:31,530
[ Static ]
256
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,399
Spirit box: Kill.
257
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,103
That's a good sign.
258
00:10:35,136 --> 00:10:40,413
Kill...er deals this weekend
only at Nana Pam's Flower Shop.
259
00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:41,716
[ Both groan ]
260
00:10:41,816 --> 00:10:43,653
It's just picking up
the radio.
261
00:10:45,558 --> 00:10:50,199
Ohhhh!
It's not the radio. It's me.
262
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:53,339
The deals are
my unfinished business.
263
00:10:53,439 --> 00:10:56,078
Oooooh!
264
00:10:57,013 --> 00:11:00,755
Rogu, you said you had
something scary for us.
265
00:11:00,855 --> 00:11:05,463
Haunted tub, cursed wrench.
266
00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:07,000
Really? This is cursed?
267
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:11,843
Exorcise demon
by fix Rogu tub.
268
00:11:11,876 --> 00:11:13,245
Okay.
I think Rogu is just
269
00:11:13,279 --> 00:11:15,082
trying to get us
to fix his bathtub.
270
00:11:15,116 --> 00:11:17,589
Wow.
We trusted you, Rogu.
271
00:11:17,622 --> 00:11:20,694
Never trust a bad boy.
272
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:25,871
???
273
00:11:25,904 --> 00:11:29,277
It's 6:45. You haven't
started dinner yet?
274
00:11:29,311 --> 00:11:32,619
We're starting now
because dinner is at 7:00 PM,
275
00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:34,789
and this recipe only takes
15 minutes.
276
00:11:34,855 --> 00:11:36,793
I think that lady
was a scammer.
277
00:11:36,860 --> 00:11:38,430
We never saw
her cook anything.
278
00:11:38,496 --> 00:11:40,267
But we saw her
do the splits.
279
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,569
What more do you need?
280
00:11:41,602 --> 00:11:44,374
All right. The recipe says
to start with the cassoulet.
281
00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:46,646
First ingredient,
red beans.
282
00:11:46,746 --> 00:11:49,485
Boom.
Soak beans overnight.
283
00:11:49,519 --> 00:11:51,122
Overnight?
284
00:11:51,123 --> 00:11:53,559
A little misstep on our part.
Let's pivot to the osso buco.
285
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,800
Stevie, my boy, toss me the
pearl onions and veal shanks.
286
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,830
Yeah. There's no way
we have that stuff.
287
00:11:58,831 --> 00:12:00,306
Should we use
substitutes?
288
00:12:00,307 --> 00:12:03,112
Let's call Kricket Limone.
She'll know what to do.
289
00:12:03,146 --> 00:12:04,314
Are you crazy?!
290
00:12:04,347 --> 00:12:07,187
She's probably halfway
to Montenegro by now.
291
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,126
They don't have
any "extradabition."
292
00:12:12,197 --> 00:12:14,702
You want to get loud,
you go to a J.Lo concert.
293
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:15,942
You want to get scared,
294
00:12:16,038 --> 00:12:18,777
you come to T. Lumpkin's
Curiosities shop.
295
00:12:18,810 --> 00:12:20,948
Bam!
Gargoyle shoes, never worn.
296
00:12:21,014 --> 00:12:22,350
That just makes me sad.
297
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,823
Carnivorous pitcher plant
covered in blood.
298
00:12:24,889 --> 00:12:26,826
How did it get covered
in blood?
299
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:28,697
I used it to clean
a paper cut.
300
00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,231
That's not a scary
story, Roger.
301
00:12:30,232 --> 00:12:33,038
It was for me.
It stung, Hayley.
302
00:12:33,138 --> 00:12:34,943
[ Slurping ]
303
00:12:34,976 --> 00:12:37,247
That's Paige.
She's the new part-timer.
304
00:12:37,347 --> 00:12:39,953
She's been drinking
that iced coffee all day.
305
00:12:39,986 --> 00:12:41,556
It's been done for hours.
306
00:12:41,557 --> 00:12:42,991
Just keeps sucking
the melting ice.
307
00:12:42,992 --> 00:12:44,460
You done with
that coffee yet?
308
00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:47,467
[ Laughs ]
And she laughs at everything.
309
00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:48,771
What's funny?
310
00:12:48,804 --> 00:12:50,473
Nothing. [ Laughs ]
311
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:53,379
Is it a nervous tic?
Am I part of some sick joke?
312
00:12:53,446 --> 00:12:55,584
I don't know, but I love her.
Let's move on.
313
00:12:55,684 --> 00:12:59,191
Ooh, now this is scary.
A skull!
314
00:12:59,258 --> 00:13:00,594
That's not scary.
315
00:13:00,595 --> 00:13:02,229
That's just something
to put vodka in.
316
00:13:02,230 --> 00:13:03,867
Damn.
I thought an empty skull
317
00:13:03,967 --> 00:13:06,072
would be a...
no-brainer!
318
00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:08,744
Groucho glasses
worn by Stalin.
319
00:13:08,810 --> 00:13:10,012
[ Slurping ]
320
00:13:10,112 --> 00:13:11,884
Paige, do you want
a new coffee?
321
00:13:11,950 --> 00:13:14,288
[ Laughs ] You're funny.
322
00:13:14,355 --> 00:13:17,828
This chick's insane.
I'm obsessed with her.
323
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:23,740
???
324
00:13:23,841 --> 00:13:25,376
Roger, what's this?
325
00:13:25,410 --> 00:13:28,750
A map to the demon shapeshifter
well at Old Make Out Point.
326
00:13:28,817 --> 00:13:30,253
[ Gasps ]
327
00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:32,424
The shapeshifter story
is real?
328
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:34,662
Yeah, it happened here
in Langley Falls.
329
00:13:34,695 --> 00:13:38,269
They say if you call into
the well and it echoes back,
330
00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:40,841
your soul's taken
by the demon.
331
00:13:40,874 --> 00:13:42,110
[ Both gasp ]
332
00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:43,379
???
333
00:13:43,412 --> 00:13:45,985
? Ow, baby,
that's your ticket ?
334
00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:48,757
? The well is what you need ?
335
00:13:48,791 --> 00:13:51,295
? Ooo, suga', it's time
to risk it ?
336
00:13:51,328 --> 00:13:55,169
? If you wanna keep seeing me! ?
337
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:58,409
[ Both gasp ]
We have to go to the well.
338
00:13:58,410 --> 00:14:00,646
You broke the Groucho glasses.
You have to buy them.
339
00:14:00,647 --> 00:14:03,486
Paige, ring them up.
Okay. [ Laughs ]
340
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,755
[ Slurping ]
341
00:14:04,789 --> 00:14:06,492
She's an icon.
342
00:14:06,526 --> 00:14:09,799
???
343
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,269
Hayley.
344
00:14:11,335 --> 00:14:15,811
???
345
00:14:15,911 --> 00:14:19,184
I can feel it. We're going
to have eufearia again.
346
00:14:19,217 --> 00:14:20,727
One of us calls
into the well,
347
00:14:20,754 --> 00:14:24,562
it echoes, and we get
the greatest high of our lives.
348
00:14:24,628 --> 00:14:26,766
I'm freaking out.
I can't do it.
349
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,035
Yes, you can.
350
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,906
Before we
discovered eufearia,
351
00:14:29,939 --> 00:14:32,077
we were basically
two strangers,
352
00:14:32,143 --> 00:14:34,014
both trying to bang Danuta.
353
00:14:34,015 --> 00:14:35,215
What?
I'm not trying to -
354
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:37,655
But eufearia
brought us together.
355
00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:39,625
And I'm not going to let
you give up.
356
00:14:39,659 --> 00:14:43,634
We'll call into the well
as a team.
357
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,302
Okay, let's do it.
358
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:48,677
One, two, three.
359
00:14:48,710 --> 00:14:50,446
I love you, Tommy!
I can't do it.
360
00:14:50,479 --> 00:14:52,918
Klaus, you weasel.
[ Echo ] I love you, Tommy!
361
00:14:52,952 --> 00:14:54,922
[ Both scream ]
362
00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:56,358
???
363
00:14:56,391 --> 00:14:58,730
? Congratulations,
you're back for more ?
364
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:01,335
? You found the key
to your gettin' scared door ?
365
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:03,974
? Addicted to fear,
ain't nothing wrong with that ?
366
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:07,147
? But the moment will end
when I put on his hat ?
367
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:08,950
???
368
00:15:09,217 --> 00:15:11,188
Coolest hat in the world.
369
00:15:11,221 --> 00:15:13,994
Hayley?
[ Ghoulish howl ]
370
00:15:14,061 --> 00:15:16,064
The shapeshifter got her.
Oh, no.
371
00:15:16,098 --> 00:15:17,701
[ Guitar sting ]
372
00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:19,170
Even cooler hat!
373
00:15:23,981 --> 00:15:27,120
You said dinner would
be ready in 15 minutes
374
00:15:27,153 --> 00:15:29,391
like 115 minutes ago!
375
00:15:29,425 --> 00:15:31,863
We had to drive an hour
and a half out of town
376
00:15:31,896 --> 00:15:33,132
to find fresh veal.
377
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:35,403
It was very fresh.
378
00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:38,375
Yeah, it was really
a bummer.
379
00:15:38,376 --> 00:15:40,145
Francine, will you do
me the honor
380
00:15:40,146 --> 00:15:43,085
of having the first taste?
I'm too close to it.
381
00:15:44,556 --> 00:15:46,091
The beans are still hard.
382
00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:48,462
Impossible! Maybe you're
too tired to taste
383
00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:50,600
Steve?
[ Yawns ]
384
00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:52,236
[ Crunch ]
385
00:15:52,270 --> 00:15:55,009
It said to soak them.
It said it.
386
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:56,410
That crunch doesn't
mean anything.
387
00:15:56,411 --> 00:15:58,482
Steve's always had
weak teeth.
388
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,787
I have delicate enamel.
389
00:16:00,854 --> 00:16:03,259
Yes. Rest my little
sous chefs.
390
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:04,728
I'll wake you up
when it's ready.
391
00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:06,732
Jeff: I'd like to place
an order for delivery.
392
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:10,139
My babe's dad is trying to make
a quick, easy meal and -
393
00:16:10,172 --> 00:16:12,310
Pizzas famously take
30 minutes,
394
00:16:12,377 --> 00:16:14,281
and dinner
will be ready in 15.
395
00:16:14,314 --> 00:16:16,318
I can't do it!
I'm sorry!
396
00:16:16,385 --> 00:16:18,923
Stop!
You'll ruin your appetite.
397
00:16:18,990 --> 00:16:20,493
I need food.
398
00:16:20,528 --> 00:16:21,596
Hayley is a demon,
399
00:16:21,597 --> 00:16:23,164
and she wanted to yell
in the well alone.
400
00:16:23,165 --> 00:16:24,334
Okay. Bye.
Okay. Bye.
401
00:16:24,335 --> 00:16:25,937
Klaus, you're just
in time for dinner.
402
00:16:25,938 --> 00:16:27,407
Taste.
403
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:28,644
The beans are hard.
404
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:30,346
Also, Hayley isn't Hayley.
405
00:16:30,347 --> 00:16:32,048
She's a shapeshifter
out in the woods.
406
00:16:32,049 --> 00:16:33,853
So, if you see her,
don't open the door, okay?
407
00:16:33,854 --> 00:16:36,927
I'm going to sleep in your bed
because it feels safer.
408
00:16:37,595 --> 00:16:42,638
Hayley. Yes.
Hayley should taste this.
409
00:16:44,474 --> 00:16:48,081
Everything gets better
with a good night's sleep.
410
00:16:51,288 --> 00:16:53,660
[ Tapping on window ]
411
00:16:57,167 --> 00:17:01,643
Klaus, come to the well.
412
00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:03,379
Aah!
413
00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:06,384
? Hearing a scary story
is cool and all ?
414
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:08,455
? But living it is
way more fun ?
415
00:17:08,488 --> 00:17:11,663
? You feel big and bad
and eight feet tall ?
416
00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:14,434
? Look, a sexy skeleton ?
417
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,505
???
418
00:17:17,174 --> 00:17:20,547
That was scary and erotic.
419
00:17:20,601 --> 00:17:22,383
Aah!
420
00:17:22,384 --> 00:17:24,454
I'm in the shapeshifter's hand.
421
00:17:24,522 --> 00:17:25,991
[ Guitar sting ]
422
00:17:26,091 --> 00:17:28,229
Bikini season.
423
00:17:28,262 --> 00:17:30,667
Real Hayley's missing out.
424
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,470
Demon Hayley!
Aah!
425
00:17:32,572 --> 00:17:34,440
[ Guitar sting ]
426
00:17:35,276 --> 00:17:37,213
We're back at the well.
427
00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:40,888
Oh, shapeshifter.
428
00:17:40,955 --> 00:17:43,091
I'm not even scared
of you anymore.
429
00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:45,263
The thrill of eufearia is gone.
430
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,832
It's just not the same
without Hayley.
431
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:50,373
The high has been replaced
with a shame-filled low.
432
00:17:50,406 --> 00:17:52,811
That never happens
with other drugs.
433
00:17:52,844 --> 00:17:56,084
???
434
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:59,491
Call into the well.
435
00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:03,766
Oh, yes. Time for you to take
my soul, I suppose.
436
00:18:03,866 --> 00:18:06,104
Hayley was right.
I am a weasel.
437
00:18:06,138 --> 00:18:08,543
Not only did I back
out of calling into the well
438
00:18:08,544 --> 00:18:10,513
at the last minute after
promising her
439
00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:15,389
I'd be by her side, I literally
left her side and ran home,
440
00:18:15,423 --> 00:18:18,329
bravely sleeping in my own bed.
441
00:18:18,429 --> 00:18:22,270
Say the words
into the well.
442
00:18:22,304 --> 00:18:24,909
Or are you
too chicken?
443
00:18:25,009 --> 00:18:26,913
Bawk bawk.
444
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,381
I'm not chicken.
445
00:18:28,415 --> 00:18:31,388
If I'm going to do this,
there's one thing I want to say
446
00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:33,531
that I should have said
to the real Hayley
447
00:18:33,627 --> 00:18:35,396
when she was here.
448
00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:38,703
I do like you, Hayley,
as a friend.
449
00:18:38,737 --> 00:18:41,609
[ Echo ] I do like you,
Hayley, as a friend.
450
00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:44,213
Hayley's mine!
And now you're mine, too! [ Screams ]
451
00:18:44,214 --> 00:18:46,351
[ Echo ] Hayley's mine!
And now you're mine, too!
452
00:18:46,352 --> 00:18:50,360
? Terrified,
you're flying high ?
453
00:18:50,426 --> 00:18:52,731
? Like making love
to a pretty lady ?
454
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,904
? And she doesn't get
pregnant with a baby ?
455
00:18:55,938 --> 00:18:58,142
? Uh ?
456
00:18:58,175 --> 00:18:59,545
? Uh-huh ?
457
00:18:59,578 --> 00:19:04,153
? You've made it
to the peak of eufearia ?
458
00:19:04,187 --> 00:19:07,628
? You never thought
you could feel this free ?
459
00:19:07,661 --> 00:19:09,532
? Yeah! ?
460
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,838
? Aah! ?
461
00:19:12,938 --> 00:19:14,040
Oh, yeah!
462
00:19:14,107 --> 00:19:17,447
? Now slurp up that fear
like a rat that's thirsty ?
463
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,587
? Slurp it up like Paige
with iced coffee ?
464
00:19:20,687 --> 00:19:22,323
[ Laughs ]
465
00:19:23,226 --> 00:19:25,395
[ Gasps ] Whoo! Yes!
466
00:19:25,462 --> 00:19:29,171
Wait, am I dead?
Am I a shapeshifter?
467
00:19:29,204 --> 00:19:31,075
[ Hayley laughs ]
Hayley?
468
00:19:31,108 --> 00:19:34,080
You really thought
I was a shapeshifter?
469
00:19:34,114 --> 00:19:35,918
You're not?
No.
470
00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:37,486
Why did you act
like you were?
471
00:19:37,521 --> 00:19:39,991
Well, at first I was doing it
because I was pissed.
472
00:19:39,992 --> 00:19:41,996
I love you, Tommy!
I can't do it.
473
00:19:42,063 --> 00:19:43,533
Klaus, you weasel.
474
00:19:43,534 --> 00:19:45,936
Hayley: We were supposed to
yell into the well together,
475
00:19:45,937 --> 00:19:47,574
but you let me do it alone.
476
00:19:47,608 --> 00:19:48,658
[ Both scream ]
477
00:19:48,677 --> 00:19:51,248
I passed out,
had sick eufearia,
478
00:19:51,281 --> 00:19:53,218
but then I fell in.
[ Thud ]
479
00:19:53,252 --> 00:19:55,890
When I woke up,
I called for you.
480
00:19:55,990 --> 00:19:57,761
Klaus! Help!
481
00:19:57,795 --> 00:19:59,899
But you weren't there
for me...again.
482
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,202
And as you know,
I have the upper body strength
483
00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:06,277
of a gorilla when I'm pissed,
so I climbed out to find you.
484
00:20:07,213 --> 00:20:09,685
I was gonna toss you in
the well out of spite.
485
00:20:09,686 --> 00:20:12,022
But then you said all those
nice sentimental things
486
00:20:12,023 --> 00:20:13,158
on the way over.
487
00:20:13,258 --> 00:20:15,697
So I decided to give you
the best eufearia ever
488
00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:17,667
by acting out
the ending of the story.
489
00:20:17,668 --> 00:20:20,741
The Grim Reaper had
a quad guitar.
490
00:20:20,774 --> 00:20:22,276
That's four, Hayley.
491
00:20:22,309 --> 00:20:25,049
He grew extra hands
to play it.
492
00:20:25,115 --> 00:20:27,287
You can just tell
he is the boss
493
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,323
of that whole hellscape.
494
00:20:29,324 --> 00:20:30,793
I wish you
could have seen it.
495
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,399
Honestly, I think
I'm done with eufearia.
496
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:36,037
We had fun, but we got
a little too into it.
497
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,041
Hayley!
Something's behind you!
498
00:20:38,108 --> 00:20:40,245
Yeah, that's not gonna
work on me.
499
00:20:40,747 --> 00:20:42,918
Taste the beans.
500
00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:44,054
[ Screams ]
501
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:45,724
???
502
00:20:45,725 --> 00:20:47,425
? I'm the king of
this hellscape ?
503
00:20:47,426 --> 00:20:48,797
? I make skeletons moan ?
504
00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:50,032
? In one final twist ?
505
00:20:50,065 --> 00:20:52,203
? My queen is Kricket Limone ?
506
00:20:52,303 --> 00:20:54,508
???
507
00:20:57,447 --> 00:20:58,497
Please taste this.
508
00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:00,085
Leave me alone, my guy.
509
00:21:00,185 --> 00:21:02,056
Come on. Just taste it.
510
00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:07,901
[ Gulps ]
511
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,308
Mm! That's really good,
actually.
512
00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:13,412
The beans are nice
and soft.
513
00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:15,082
Thank you, Mr. Reaper.
514
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,186
Not!
I don't give out compliments.
515
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:20,192
I'm the Grim Reaper,
not the Praise Heaper.
516
00:21:20,226 --> 00:21:21,996
That's so good.
517
00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:26,605
? I'm the Grim Reaper,
not the Praise Heaper ?
518
00:21:26,639 --> 00:21:28,809
Yeah, that works
immediately.
519
00:21:29,845 --> 00:21:32,217
Why is cooking so hard?
520
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:34,655
Have a great night!
521
00:21:36,258 --> 00:21:37,961
???
522
00:21:38,011 --> 00:21:42,561
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