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1
00:00:11,250 --> 00:00:14,850
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
2
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,450
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
3
00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:25,770
♪ When you left me all alone
4
00:00:25,810 --> 00:00:28,730
♪ At the record hop
5
00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:31,610
♪ Told me you were going out
6
00:00:31,650 --> 00:00:34,450
♪ For a soda pop
7
00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:37,410
♪ You were gone for quite a while
8
00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:40,250
♪ Half an hour or more
9
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,090
♪ You came back and man, oh man,
10
00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:46,010
♪ This what I saw
11
00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:48,930
♪ Lipstick on your collar
12
00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:51,850
♪ Told a tale on you
13
00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:54,730
♪ Lipstick on your collar
14
00:00:54,770 --> 00:00:57,650
♪ Said you were untrue
15
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,490
♪ Bet your bottom dollar
16
00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:02,930
♪ You and I are through
17
00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:08,330
♪ Cos lipstick on your collar
Told a tale on you
18
00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:14,610
♪ Boy, told a tale on you, man
Told a tale on you, yeah
19
00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:16,930
♪ Told a tale on you. ♪
20
00:01:16,970 --> 00:01:19,250
PROJECTOR WHIRR
21
00:01:24,130 --> 00:01:27,010
"New Yorkers in the rush hour.
Eight million people in a hurry."
22
00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:30,170
"The first civil defence
exercise pulls them up."
23
00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:33,210
"The streets soon become deserted."
24
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:36,050
"SIREN"
25
00:01:38,410 --> 00:01:41,170
"Trading on the Stock Exchange
stops."
26
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:45,170
"With a scare like this on,
no wonder." >
27
00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:52,090
"Children get a break from class...
28
00:01:52,130 --> 00:01:59,770
..to get a more vital lesson
about self-preservation
during atomic warfare."
29
00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:04,810
"I am unhappy to conclude the
hydrogen bomb should be developed."
30
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:10,490
"We should not intentionally
lose the armaments race."
31
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:14,570
"To do this
will be to lose our liberties."
32
00:02:14,610 --> 00:02:19,450
"With Patrick Henry, I value my
liberties more than I do my life."
33
00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:30,290
↑ SHOUTING AND MARCHING
34
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:37,090
Bumholes.
35
00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:48,370
Bumholes, say I -...
36
00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:50,410
..in the plural.
37
00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:58,170
I conjure up for your delectation...
38
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:03,490
.. the image
of row upon row of bare arses.
39
00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:06,530
A whole choir stall of them, eh?
40
00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,850
Eh?
41
00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:16,410
Ah, I see. No-one interested in my
state of mind at this bright morn.
42
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:22,570
(SIGHS) Now,
why is that, do you think?
43
00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:27,850
Do you consider, perhaps, that I'm
being provocative? Is that it, eh?
44
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,890
Eh?
45
00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:36,370
Or boring, even? Have I
become a bore without even knowing?
46
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,970
(SIGHS)
47
00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:49,890
(THINKS) 'Boring? Boring!'
48
00:04:06,650 --> 00:04:08,010
Keen, are we, Hopper?
49
00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,410
Yes, sir.
50
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,290
Keen and eager? >
51
00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:14,810
Yes, sir!
52
00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:27,850
♪ THE PLATTERS:
"THE GREAT PRETENDER"
53
00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:30,970
♪ Oh yes,
54
00:04:31,010 --> 00:04:34,530
..I'm the great pretender
55
00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:35,850
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
56
00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:40,850
♪ Pretending that I'm doing well
57
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:42,530
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
58
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:44,810
♪ My need is such...
59
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:48,210
..I pretend too much...
60
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:53,810
..I'm lonely, but no-one can tell ♪
61
00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:55,770
♪ Oh, yes,
62
00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:59,170
..I'm the great pretender...
63
00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:00,650
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
64
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:05,290
.. adrift in a world of my own
65
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:06,770
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
66
00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:09,610
♪ I play the game...
67
00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:12,730
.. but to my real shame...
68
00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:17,050
..you've left me
to dream all alone ♪
69
00:05:42,330 --> 00:05:45,250
Look, Corporal - drum music.
70
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,810
Yeah?
71
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,770
Yeah. See? Can't you read it?
72
00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:58,010
You know bloody well I can't!
73
00:05:58,050 --> 00:06:00,010
Nothing to it, look:...
74
00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:02,370
.. bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit.
75
00:06:05,650 --> 00:06:07,210
Very shaggin' funny.
76
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,570
It's good, innit?
77
00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:10,210
Less noise there!
78
00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:12,250
(BOTH) Sir!
79
00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,530
Bumholes.
80
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,770
Sorry, sir.
81
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:56,850
Now what is it, Hopper?
82
00:06:56,890 --> 00:07:01,690
Krasnaya Zvezda - I mean, Red Star,
an article in Red Star, sir.
83
00:07:01,730 --> 00:07:03,330
What's it say?
84
00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:06,770
Um... "Army footballers
must play better."
85
00:07:06,810 --> 00:07:08,090
Hopper... Sir?
86
00:07:08,130 --> 00:07:12,370
What have you got between
your ears? Use your bonce!
87
00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:14,530
I've got enough bumph!
88
00:07:14,570 --> 00:07:17,810
But, sir, I was told
to translate ev...
89
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:20,330
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
90
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,370
Sir? You...?
91
00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:34,890
Bumholes.
92
00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:37,090
Yes, sir.
93
00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:48,730
(Bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit.)
94
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:50,770
(Shut up!)
95
00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:02,370
'Am I asleep or what?'
96
00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:05,090
'How d'you tell for sure?'
97
00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:09,010
'Christ, what a dump!'
98
00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:15,290
'Roll on. Roll... on.'
99
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,370
♪ Boo-wah-ba, boo-wah-ba
100
00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:28,370
♪ Boo-wah-ba
Do-do-do-do-do-do
101
00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:29,730
♪ Boo-wah-ba
102
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,090
♪ Boo-wah-ba
103
00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:32,330
♪ Boo-wah-ba
104
00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:33,850
♪ Do-do-do-do
105
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,490
♪ Earth angel,
106
00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:37,610
..earth angel...
107
00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,930
.. will you be mine?
108
00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:43,530
♪ My darling dear,
109
00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:46,690
..love you all the time
110
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:50,050
♪ I'm just a fool...
111
00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:53,010
..a fool in love with you
112
00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:54,530
♪ Boo-wah-ba
113
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:56,050
♪ Boo-wah-ba
114
00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:57,170
♪ Boo-wah-ba
115
00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:58,770
♪ Do-do-do-do-do
116
00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:00,210
♪ Earth angel,
117
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,610
..earth angel...
118
00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,650
.. the one I adore.
119
00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:09,050
♪ Love you forever...
120
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,850
.. and ever more ♪
121
00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:15,290
♪ I'm just a fool...
122
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:19,370
..a fool in love with you
123
00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:28,170
♪ I fell for you...
124
00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:30,210
.. and I knew...
125
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:34,250
.. the vision
of your love's loveliness
126
00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:36,250
♪ Doo-do-do-do-do
127
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:40,730
♪ I hope and I pray
128
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:42,490
♪ I hope and I pray that some day
129
00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:47,770
I'll be the vision of your happiness
130
00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:50,930
♪ Earth angel,
131
00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:53,450
..earth angel...
132
00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:56,250
.. please be mine.
133
00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:59,130
♪ My darling dear...
134
00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:01,170
..love you all the time
135
00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:05,370
♪ I'm just a fool
136
00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:07,570
♪ A... ♪
137
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:09,210
CLOCK CHIMES
138
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:11,250
What are you doing?
139
00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:14,690
Sir, I... Sir?
140
00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,210
Get on with your work!
141
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,730
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
142
00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,850
CLOCK STRIKES >
143
00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:44,090
TAPPING >
144
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,650
Bumholes!
145
00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:56,210
What? What?
146
00:10:56,250 --> 00:11:01,250
Wallace... Sorry. The sound
of a human voice startled me.
147
00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:06,250
I think I said "Bumholes". Yes,
that was almost certainly it -..
148
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,210
..B-U-M. Bumholes. >
149
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,930
I wish you wouldn't do this,
not every five min...
150
00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,730
(SNIGGERS)
151
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,170
Corporal! >
152
00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,570
Beg your pardon, sir.
153
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:20,050
It's that... deuced clock
striking 11 like that.
154
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:21,370
&It; What about it?
155
00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:23,130
Oh, chatty, are we?
156
00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:24,410
Actually, no.
157
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:29,450
Well, I wish it was striking 12,
that's all. One more hour on.
158
00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:34,770
Oh, Christ in shitty napkins,
what a life!
159
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:36,930
(SIGHS)
160
00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:44,450
Nine to five, eh? Stooped
over a bloody desk like
a bloody box wallah!
161
00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:48,810
That's what I joined
the Army for, eh?
162
00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:50,210
Corporal? >
163
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,650
Sir! Some barely-bloody-drinkable.
164
00:11:53,690 --> 00:11:55,090
Hopper.
165
00:11:57,610 --> 00:12:01,250
Corporal. If we've got to
put in office hours,
166
00:12:01,290 --> 00:12:07,330
.. we ought not deviate
a bloody jot or a tittle
from office bloody routine, eh?
167
00:12:07,370 --> 00:12:10,330
Coffee at 11,
tea and bickies at 4,
168
00:12:10,370 --> 00:12:12,770
.. and three two-minute wee-wees.
169
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:13,850
&It; Wallace!
170
00:12:13,890 --> 00:12:15,130
I know!
171
00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:19,250
Upstairs need that new Battle Order.
You know this, yet...
172
00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:20,650
Oh, look here, old thing!
173
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:25,810
How will we get it out on time if
you keep up this non-stop barrage?
174
00:12:25,850 --> 00:12:29,250
Worse than dysentery!
Time and place, please!
175
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:34,450
All right, Harry, all right.
Let's keep some sense of, um...
176
00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:37,850
This place is upsetting
the balance of my mind!
177
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:40,930
I can't even drag up
the right word!
178
00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:43,490
Proportion.
179
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,570
What?
180
00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:45,850
The word you want.
181
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,250
Absolutely not!
182
00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:50,690
What? Proportion! No, no!
183
00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:52,170
Oh, please!
184
00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:55,050
Perspective! That's the word!
185
00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:57,450
Yes, Harry, I'm sorry.
186
00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:58,810
Sorry. Sorry.
187
00:12:58,850 --> 00:13:00,730
All I was saying was...
188
00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:03,410
No! Was... to keep a sense of...
189
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,890
Perspective?
190
00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:07,570
Propor-tion.
191
00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:10,250
(SNIGGERS)
192
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:16,690
♪ THURSTON HARRIS:
"LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE"
193
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,410
♪ (HUMMING)
194
00:13:51,970 --> 00:13:54,010
♪ Little bitty pretty one
195
00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,970
♪ Come on and talk to me
196
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,410
♪ Lovey dovey lovey one
197
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:02,010
♪ Come sit down on my knee
198
00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:16,050
♪ Tell you a story
199
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:19,290
♪ Hap' a long time ago
200
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:21,730
♪ Little bitty pretty one
201
00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,530
♪ I've been a-watching you grow
202
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,330
♪ Little bitty pretty one
203
00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:41,450
♪ Come on and talk to me
204
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:43,730
♪ Lovey dovey lovey one
205
00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:46,010
♪ Come sit on my knee
206
00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:50,490
♪ (HUMS)
207
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,450
(SNIGGERS)
208
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,210
Hopper, where the hell
d'you think you are?
209
00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:14,370
I... I'm sorry, sir.
210
00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:18,810
I... swallowed the wrong way. Sorry.
211
00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:20,530
Get back to your desk, man.
212
00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:21,930
Sir!
213
00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,130
&It; Hopper! Sir!
214
00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:29,530
The barely bloody drinkie-winkie?
215
00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:30,970
Sir!
216
00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:37,650
Oh... (SIGHS)
217
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,170
WHISTLES
218
00:15:57,170 --> 00:16:01,410
"Shoot me a slug
from the wonderful jug."
219
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:13,610
"The first civil defence
exercise pulls them up."
220
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:16,130
"The streets soon become deserted."
221
00:16:16,170 --> 00:16:18,170
"SIREN"
222
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:25,250
"Trading on the Stock Exchange
stops."
223
00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:27,170
Pssst! When do you finish?
224
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:28,690
Why?
225
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,290
Come on, what's your name?
226
00:16:30,330 --> 00:16:32,890
Why? Everybody's got a name.
227
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,730
Shhh!
228
00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:43,250
I'll be waiting for you,
sweetie-pie.
229
00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:48,930
"I'm unhappy to conclude that the
hydrogen bomb should be developed."
230
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:53,010
"We should not intentionally
lose the armaments race."
231
00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:56,810
"To do this
will be to lose our liberties."
232
00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:00,130
"With Patrick Henry, I value my
liberties more than my life."
233
00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:09,010
MILITARY BAND
234
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,250
SIGHS
235
00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:31,250
What do they call the little black
things between an elephant's toes?
236
00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,690
Go on, if we must.
237
00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:34,730
Slow niggers!
238
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:38,090
Major Hedges!
Now, now, Harry.
239
00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:40,290
I've had about enough of...
240
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:42,370
We're working too hard.
241
00:17:42,410 --> 00:17:47,130
I mean, it's all bullshit,
this new Battle Order bumph!
242
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:52,210
We might as well give them the old
one. They fuss too much upstairs.
243
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:57,210
Christ, the Battle Order doesn't
change! Not in three months!
244
00:17:57,250 --> 00:18:00,890
The Russians
never do anything different...
245
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:03,730
Bunkum!
Talking through your hat again.
246
00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:08,610
I'm what? They're moving
infantry and tanks, fella.
247
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:12,690
No, no.
Not west, not through my section!
248
00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:14,530
South.
249
00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:15,930
What?
250
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:20,330
I've lost nearly all the Eighth
tank regiment outside Magnitogorsk.
251
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:23,970
Yeah, they've gone south.
That's my impression.
252
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,250
Some infantry have decamped.
253
00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:28,410
Gone south.
254
00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:30,490
Maybe.
255
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:34,770
Truck...
Have your people got more on this?
256
00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:38,330
You people have about everything
my people have.
257
00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:41,370
It's how you read it.
258
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:46,570
In my opinion - no, in our opinion..
the status of this is hardening.
259
00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:49,530
You can elevate it from surmise.
260
00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:52,210
You can what?
261
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:56,250
They're moving men
and materials south, old bean.
262
00:18:56,290 --> 00:19:00,850
And you'd better believe it. All
right, all right, old fruit ...
263
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,050
Until we collate these new papers,
264
00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:05,850
we won't know what the H is going
on, will we?
265
00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:08,570
This could be... I-I m-mean the...
266
00:19:08,610 --> 00:19:11,810
.. good Lord, Wallace,
the next B war!
267
00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:17,210
SIGHS: So, let's end these
disturbances. If you don't mind!
268
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:25,450
COUGHS
269
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:34,890
'War, war. Shagging war. I've
only got six weeks. Leave me out!'
270
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:41,530
'Let me go! I'm not joining in.
No more shagging war! No!'
271
00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:49,050
CLOCK STRIKES
272
00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:52,090
Quarter past!
273
00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,370
Time marches on!
274
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,290
FILM MUSIC
275
00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:17,330
So, here you are.
276
00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:18,610
What d'you mean?
277
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,650
I hear you work Monday and Wednesday
278
00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:24,010
That's my business.
279
00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,370
So, what do you do evenings?
280
00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:29,050
Depends.
281
00:20:29,090 --> 00:20:31,330
Ever go down the Palais?
282
00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:34,210
Not much.
I could take you.
283
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:37,810
Nah!
It wouldn't hurt, would it?
284
00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:40,250
My old man wouldn't like it.
285
00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:41,730
Your dad?
286
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:43,170
Me husband!
287
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:47,690
Christ, you've thrown yourself away!
288
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:51,130
And all this time,
there was me waiting.
289
00:20:52,610 --> 00:20:54,730
Well, I didn't know, did I?
290
00:20:54,770 --> 00:20:56,450
You do now, don't ya?
291
00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:00,970
You... but, you've got a minute!
292
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,610
What for?
293
00:21:03,650 --> 00:21:05,450
Can do a lot in a minute.
294
00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:07,490
Yeah, a lot of damage.
295
00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:12,530
Come on, then.
See you later, alligator.
296
00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:33,810
WELSH ACCENT: 22920071 Private
Francis F reporting for duty.
297
00:21:33,850 --> 00:21:36,930
You bleedin' git!
298
00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:39,370
Sir?
299
00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:45,970
Does Private Hopper really look like
your new Commanding Officer?
300
00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:48,010
I... Oh...
301
00:21:52,370 --> 00:21:54,730
Two two nine two zero zero...
302
00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:57,170
Yes, yes, we've had all that.
303
00:21:57,210 --> 00:22:01,530
One of your shoulders
is higher than the other. Sir?
304
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,530
Give me you Movement Order, man!
305
00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:06,650
Sir?
Are you a cretin?
306
00:22:06,690 --> 00:22:11,210
Of course he is!
It must be the new language clerk.
307
00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:14,050
Not likely to read or write, is he?
308
00:22:14,090 --> 00:22:17,930
I hope his Russian
is better than his English!
309
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:21,850
Come on,
Movement Order - sharp about it!
310
00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,490
S-sorry, s-sir.
311
00:22:24,530 --> 00:22:30,490
Do you stutter?
N-n... I mean, no, sir.
312
00:22:30,530 --> 00:22:32,690
Your Movement Order says...
313
00:22:32,730 --> 00:22:36,770
..to leave Intelligence Corps
at Maresfield at 08:00...
314
00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:40,450
.. and report
to the War Office at 15:00!
315
00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:43,290
Sir, I...
It's way past 1600 hours!
316
00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:47,490
16:21!
Well?
317
00:22:47,530 --> 00:22:51,250
I... Sir, I... I'm sorry, sir.
318
00:22:51,290 --> 00:22:53,450
What do you mean, sorry?
319
00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:56,250
I... I was... d-delayed, sir.
320
00:22:56,290 --> 00:23:00,130
What do you mean, delayed?
Late on parade, you mean!
321
00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:03,810
Sir, I... Sir!
Permission to speak, sir!
322
00:23:04,770 --> 00:23:06,890
SIGHS: Speak.
323
00:23:06,930 --> 00:23:12,450
Sir... I've never been to London
before, sir, except to pass through.
324
00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:15,530
I... got... lost, sir.
325
00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:20,650
Lost? He's Intelligence Corps.
Of course he bloody well got lost!
326
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,770
Lost in London?
Sir.
327
00:23:25,810 --> 00:23:30,930
Good God! You don't have to wet
your thumb and hold it in the air!
328
00:23:30,970 --> 00:23:35,370
You've got a tongue!
We're in the middle of Whitehall!
329
00:23:35,410 --> 00:23:37,730
I asked a policeman, sir, and he...
330
00:23:37,770 --> 00:23:39,170
You WHAT?
331
00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:44,290
I asked him where Whitehall was,
the War Office, sir, and...
332
00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:47,850
Where did this encounter take place?
333
00:23:47,890 --> 00:23:50,850
Trafalgar Square,
with the stone lions.
334
00:23:50,890 --> 00:23:54,370
And the sticks
with the horse's-head handles!
335
00:23:54,410 --> 00:23:57,130
Half a mo', Wallace. And then?
336
00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:00,930
He pointed to this big building,
and...
337
00:24:00,970 --> 00:24:04,290
Oh, keep still, man!
Sir!
338
00:24:04,330 --> 00:24:06,170
Yes! Go on!
339
00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:13,210
It had pillars and steps and...
but... it was full of pictures, sir.
340
00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:15,210
Pictures?
341
00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:20,690
By the time I realised it wasn't
what the policeman said it was,
342
00:24:20,730 --> 00:24:22,170
National Gallery.
343
00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:26,050
National Gallery! Ooh!
National bloody Gallery!
344
00:24:31,690 --> 00:24:34,650
Sir! Permission to speak, sir?
345
00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:36,650
CHUCKLES: Yes, go on!
346
00:24:36,690 --> 00:24:42,610
Would you accept the proposal that I
am not as big a fool as I seem, sir?
347
00:24:42,650 --> 00:24:44,970
ALL LAUGH
348
00:24:46,330 --> 00:24:50,570
I suppose I must take note of that,
on this occasion!
349
00:24:50,610 --> 00:24:53,690
I hope you will learn
that in this office...
350
00:24:53,730 --> 00:24:57,730
.. your opinions
are of little or no relevance.
351
00:24:57,770 --> 00:24:58,890
Sir.
352
00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:04,370
None of us is in uniform, but that
does not in any way imply derogation
353
00:25:04,410 --> 00:25:07,210
.. from normal Army procedures.
354
00:25:07,250 --> 00:25:10,810
Exactly the opposite! Understand?
Yes, sir.
355
00:25:10,850 --> 00:25:14,050
Get your shoulders into alignment!
Sir!
356
00:25:14,090 --> 00:25:20,130
If you arrive late again, and if you
continue to make an ass of yourself,
357
00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:21,890
.. Corporal, make it clear.
358
00:25:21,930 --> 00:25:23,730
Sir!
359
00:25:28,130 --> 00:25:30,090
Ha-bout... TURN!
360
00:25:37,010 --> 00:25:39,330
SOLDIER!
Corporal!
361
00:25:39,370 --> 00:25:42,570
You are a twit! WHAT ARE YOU?
362
00:25:42,610 --> 00:25:45,290
A twit, Corporal!
363
00:25:45,330 --> 00:25:49,130
Now I'm gonna put
my dingaling in your ear...
364
00:25:49,170 --> 00:25:53,250
.. AND SHAG SOME SENSE INTO YOU!
UNDERSTAND?
365
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:57,770
Corporal!
Right you are, return him to me.
366
00:25:57,810 --> 00:26:00,290
Sir! Ha-bout... TURN!
367
00:26:05,090 --> 00:26:10,570
Let us hope things will improve
a bit from now on. Right, now then.
368
00:26:12,690 --> 00:26:15,090
Um...
369
00:26:24,290 --> 00:26:30,290
Er, yes... as I said, none of us
in this office is in uniform...
370
00:26:30,330 --> 00:26:37,850
.. for reasons that may become
apparent. I'm afraid the same
will apply to you. No uniform.
371
00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:43,090
No, sir. Yes, I know, but there it
is. You have to wear civilian
clothes.
372
00:26:43,130 --> 00:26:44,370
Yes, sir.
373
00:26:44,410 --> 00:26:48,890
Neat and tidy. Collars and ties.
No coloured shirts. Plain socks.
374
00:26:48,930 --> 00:26:53,450
Yes, sir. Good. Now, neat and tidy.
Neat and tidy.
375
00:26:54,930 --> 00:26:57,770
We're extremely busy this afternoon.
376
00:26:57,810 --> 00:27:02,370
The world doesn't stand still, er,
Francis... Understand?
377
00:27:02,410 --> 00:27:04,730
Sir!
378
00:27:04,770 --> 00:27:07,010
Yes...
379
00:27:07,050 --> 00:27:12,770
Perhaps you wanted adventure?
Malaya, eh? Or Cyprus?
380
00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:18,570
Or in the, er... forests, teaching
the Mau Mau how to behave.
381
00:27:18,610 --> 00:27:22,130
Even more,
382
00:27:22,170 --> 00:27:25,010
.. the Soviet Union, Francis.
383
00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:30,170
Sir? Must be ready for when the
bally goes up, eh? Balloon.
384
00:27:30,210 --> 00:27:32,210
Yes, sir.
385
00:27:35,810 --> 00:27:39,290
This... section of
Military Intelligence - M.I...
386
00:27:39,330 --> 00:27:45,050
..(COUGHS) bracket BO bracket - is..
You know what BO means?
387
00:27:50,650 --> 00:27:54,050
Um... it's when you don't...
388
00:27:56,610 --> 00:28:00,090
No, sir.
Battle Order.
389
00:28:00,130 --> 00:28:04,970
That of the Red Army. Where they
are, where they're going. Got it?
390
00:28:05,010 --> 00:28:10,650
Sir! Now, then. This info comes to
us at these desks...
391
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:16,450
..by a variety of overt and
covert... pretty damned hush-hush...
392
00:28:16,490 --> 00:28:22,490
.. and, er... yes,
but I, I won't... yes.
393
00:28:24,450 --> 00:28:26,530
Pretty clear, hmm?
394
00:28:26,570 --> 00:28:28,250
Sir.
395
00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:31,970
You're to be
the Russian language clerk...
396
00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:36,090
..to Major Church, Language Officer.
He will explain.
397
00:28:36,130 --> 00:28:39,770
Explicate the inexplicable.
398
00:28:39,810 --> 00:28:44,410
Now, I am Colonel Bernwood.
Over there is Major Carter.
399
00:28:44,450 --> 00:28:48,690
That is Major Hedges in the.. hmmm.
400
00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:54,130
Now, listen very carefully. See
the gentleman sitting over there?
401
00:28:54,170 --> 00:28:57,890
Yes, sir.
Well, he is not there.
402
00:29:01,210 --> 00:29:04,810
No, sir.
Where is he?
403
00:29:08,690 --> 00:29:12,690
Sir?
He's not here!
404
00:29:12,730 --> 00:29:13,770
Sir!
405
00:29:13,810 --> 00:29:19,210
His name - which, of course, you
need to know even though he's not...
406
00:29:19,250 --> 00:29:24,530
..- is Lieutenant Colonel Trekker.
From G-2, United States Army, G-2.
407
00:29:25,890 --> 00:29:29,210
Signed the Official Secrets Act?
Yes, sir.
408
00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:32,130
Know the consequences of breaking it
409
00:29:33,450 --> 00:29:35,450
Hanging.
410
00:29:35,490 --> 00:29:37,250
Sir?
411
00:29:37,290 --> 00:29:40,010
Don't want to be hanged, do you?
412
00:29:40,050 --> 00:29:42,570
No, sir.
413
00:29:42,610 --> 00:29:48,250
One stray word, one wink across
the top of your glass of sherry,
414
00:29:48,290 --> 00:29:52,690
Understand?
A nudge is as good as... hmm.
415
00:29:52,730 --> 00:29:58,170
Anywhere outside this room, soldier,
anywhere at all is the wrong place.
416
00:29:58,210 --> 00:29:59,450
Is that perfectly clear?
417
00:29:59,490 --> 00:30:01,770
Yes, sir!
418
00:30:01,810 --> 00:30:06,570
Good. Then you won't
have to be buried in quicklime.
419
00:30:06,610 --> 00:30:10,610
Now, who is that
sitting over there?
420
00:30:12,890 --> 00:30:15,050
Nobody, sir.
421
00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:21,050
Yeah. And that is the first thing
to tuck away and keep dark.
422
00:30:21,090 --> 00:30:26,050
The Military Intelligence services
of the UK and the US are,
423
00:30:26,090 --> 00:30:30,490
..to all intents and purposes...
Do you understand?
424
00:30:30,530 --> 00:30:32,690
Sir!
425
00:30:32,730 --> 00:30:37,450
Well, I think that covers things...
pretty well.
426
00:30:51,130 --> 00:30:56,570
Sir, I... e-excuse m-me, sir.
427
00:30:56,610 --> 00:30:59,250
Get those packs off!
428
00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:02,370
Present your idle self
to Major Church!
429
00:31:02,410 --> 00:31:04,890
Sir! Over here. Sharp about it.
430
00:31:06,930 --> 00:31:09,690
Sit down.
431
00:31:10,930 --> 00:31:13,970
CLOCK STRIKES
432
00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:26,330
(GRUNTS)
433
00:31:49,130 --> 00:31:51,130
A gazelle.
434
00:31:52,090 --> 00:31:55,450
Sir?
Like a gazelle.
435
00:31:55,490 --> 00:31:56,970
Sir.
436
00:31:59,010 --> 00:32:00,450
Name? Say again.
437
00:32:00,490 --> 00:32:02,650
Francis, sir. Francis F.
438
00:32:02,690 --> 00:32:04,970
What's the F?
Francis, sir.
439
00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:07,090
Yes, yes - what's the F?
440
00:32:07,130 --> 00:32:10,130
Francis, sir. Francis Francis.
441
00:32:10,170 --> 00:32:11,610
CHUCKLES
442
00:32:11,650 --> 00:32:14,850
How economical! Well, Francis...
443
00:32:14,890 --> 00:32:21,690
.. when we call you Francis, we mean
Francis, not Francis, no familiarity
444
00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:23,570
No, sir.
445
00:32:23,610 --> 00:32:28,810
What was your final mark on
the Joint Services Russian course?
446
00:32:28,850 --> 00:32:30,850
92%, sir.
447
00:32:31,930 --> 00:32:34,170
Is that a smirk I detect?
448
00:32:34,210 --> 00:32:36,970
No, sir!
Clever Dick, are we?
449
00:32:37,010 --> 00:32:38,970
No, sir!
450
00:32:39,010 --> 00:32:45,810
Mmm, I wonder. Graceful movements,
superb brain, an economical name.
451
00:32:47,170 --> 00:32:50,530
Well, let's hear it!
452
00:32:50,570 --> 00:32:54,090
Sir?
Your brilliant Russian!
453
00:32:55,330 --> 00:32:58,850
Um...
My God. Whiplash Willie!
454
00:32:58,890 --> 00:33:02,890
Ya pomnyu chudnoye mgnovyenye.
455
00:33:02,930 --> 00:33:04,850
What?
456
00:33:04,890 --> 00:33:07,090
I remember a wonderful moment.
457
00:33:07,130 --> 00:33:11,250
Yes, somewhere in the valleys -
some Megan or Blodwen, I'll be bound
458
00:33:11,290 --> 00:33:12,530
Pushkin, sir!
459
00:33:12,570 --> 00:33:17,850
Pushkin? What do you think
you're talking about, Francis?
460
00:33:17,890 --> 00:33:20,210
Well, sir...
461
00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:22,410
Well, go on.
462
00:33:23,490 --> 00:33:32,450
Pyeredo mnoy yavilas tee kak
mimolyotnoye vidyenye...
463
00:33:32,490 --> 00:33:34,210
Er... what?
464
00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:38,210
You stood before me
like a momentary vision.
465
00:33:39,490 --> 00:33:41,530
Did I?
466
00:33:41,570 --> 00:33:45,570
Sir. He is remembering
the very first time he...
467
00:33:45,610 --> 00:33:46,810
Had a bunk-up?
468
00:33:46,850 --> 00:33:49,690
No, sir! No?
469
00:33:49,730 --> 00:33:51,730
No, sir.
470
00:33:51,770 --> 00:33:57,410
The first time... he met this
enchantingly lovely young lady Anna.
471
00:33:57,450 --> 00:34:01,810
Now that he has met her again,
his heart is...
472
00:34:03,810 --> 00:34:06,130
Sorry, sir.
473
00:34:06,170 --> 00:34:08,530
Tosh!
474
00:34:08,570 --> 00:34:10,970
Sir.
475
00:34:11,010 --> 00:34:16,850
Caterpillar tracks, Francis.
Artillery ranges. Calibrations.
476
00:34:16,890 --> 00:34:19,930
Each sort of shooter. Tanks.
477
00:34:19,970 --> 00:34:24,810
Those are the words you need
in this office - military words.
478
00:34:24,850 --> 00:34:27,530
Not... mush.
479
00:34:27,570 --> 00:34:29,570
Yes, sir.
480
00:34:29,610 --> 00:34:33,890
"Enchantingly lovely young lady" -
is that what you said?
481
00:34:33,930 --> 00:34:35,610
What's that, Johnny?
482
00:34:35,650 --> 00:34:38,890
Francis -
obsessed with pretty young ladies.
483
00:34:38,930 --> 00:34:40,170
But, sir, I...
484
00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:43,010
Jolly good. Nice fluffy things.
485
00:34:43,050 --> 00:34:47,010
If you want to masturbate,
do it at lunchtime!
486
00:34:47,050 --> 00:34:49,970
Sir! Permission to speak, sir!
487
00:34:50,010 --> 00:34:54,970
No. Sir, I must p-p-p...
Sir, this is not...
488
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:56,970
Sir.
489
00:34:59,650 --> 00:35:04,490
♪ Frankie Vaughan:
The Garden Of Eden
490
00:35:04,530 --> 00:35:07,330
♪ When you walk in the garden
491
00:35:07,370 --> 00:35:10,650
..in the Garden of Eden...
492
00:35:10,690 --> 00:35:13,690
.. with a beautiful woman...
493
00:35:13,730 --> 00:35:16,410
.. and you know how you care ♪
494
00:35:16,450 --> 00:35:19,450
♪ And a voice in the garden...
495
00:35:19,490 --> 00:35:22,730
..in the Garden of Eden...
496
00:35:22,770 --> 00:35:25,650
.. tells you she is forbidden...
497
00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,970
.. can you leave her there? ♪
498
00:35:29,010 --> 00:35:31,970
♪ When you're yearning for loving
499
00:35:32,010 --> 00:35:35,290
.. and she touches your hand
500
00:35:35,330 --> 00:35:38,130
.. and your heart starts a-pounding
501
00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:41,250
.. and you're feeling so grand ♪
502
00:35:41,290 --> 00:35:44,490
♪ Can you leave her to heaven...
503
00:35:44,530 --> 00:35:47,370
.. and obey the command...
504
00:35:47,410 --> 00:35:50,450
.. can you walk from the garden
505
00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:53,650
.. does your heart understand? ♪
506
00:35:53,690 --> 00:35:56,730
♪ When you walk in the garden...
507
00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:00,010
..in the Garden of Eden...
508
00:36:00,050 --> 00:36:03,010
.. with a beautiful woman...
509
00:36:03,050 --> 00:36:06,210
.. and you know how you care? ♪
510
00:36:06,250 --> 00:36:09,210
♪ And a voice in the garden...
511
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,370
..in the Garden of Eden...
512
00:36:12,410 --> 00:36:15,610
.. tells you she is forbidden...
513
00:36:15,650 --> 00:36:19,250
.. can you leave her there? ♪
514
00:36:22,090 --> 00:36:25,890
Have you located a lodging?
A place to dream?
515
00:36:25,930 --> 00:36:28,170
Yes, sir.
Suitable?
516
00:36:28,210 --> 00:36:32,130
With my relatives in Walham Green.
517
00:36:32,170 --> 00:36:35,210
Walham what?
Fulham, sir.
518
00:36:35,250 --> 00:36:38,570
Relatives, you say?
My mother's sister, sir. She...
519
00:36:38,610 --> 00:36:40,890
Good. Good, good, good, good, good.
520
00:36:40,930 --> 00:36:42,370
Sir.
521
00:36:42,410 --> 00:36:45,770
This afternoon,
take yourself off there -...
522
00:36:45,810 --> 00:36:48,450
.. if you can find it (!)
Yes, sir.
523
00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:52,730
Settle in, stow your kit,
wash behind your ears,
524
00:36:52,770 --> 00:36:57,410
.. stand close to the razor,
forget your Pushkin...
525
00:36:57,450 --> 00:37:05,010
.. and present yourself here
in sober clothes at 0850 am,
on the bloody dot!
526
00:37:05,050 --> 00:37:08,490
Yes, sir.
Then Private Hopper -...
527
00:37:08,530 --> 00:37:13,930
.. who has the misfortune of being
demobilised -... Don't smirk!
528
00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:15,170
No, sir.
529
00:37:15,210 --> 00:37:18,970
Where that smirking oaf will begin
in his dozy way...
530
00:37:19,010 --> 00:37:23,370
..to hand over his duties to you.
And then, who knows?
531
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:28,770
You may get a glimmering of what it
is we are up to in this little room.
532
00:37:28,810 --> 00:37:31,050
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
533
00:37:31,090 --> 00:37:32,530
Toddle off, then.
534
00:37:32,570 --> 00:37:34,650
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
535
00:37:40,450 --> 00:37:43,850
You can go and look for it,
can't you?
536
00:37:43,890 --> 00:37:45,570
Sir?
537
00:37:45,610 --> 00:37:47,850
That wonderful moment.
538
00:38:06,730 --> 00:38:10,570
See, that's all you do.
Good, innit?
539
00:38:10,610 --> 00:38:17,290
I haven't made it up yet,
but it's a nice piece of furniture.
Had it a long time.
540
00:38:17,330 --> 00:38:19,890
It's... splendid, Aunt Vickie.
541
00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:25,650
It's where your mum and dad
started their honeymoon,
542
00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:28,490
.. if that's what you could call it.
Really?
543
00:38:28,530 --> 00:38:32,450
It's sagged a bit
in the middle ever since!
544
00:38:32,490 --> 00:38:33,970
Should be all right, though.
545
00:38:34,010 --> 00:38:35,570
Yes, thank you.
546
00:38:35,610 --> 00:38:38,490
Nothing wrong with the springs.
547
00:38:38,530 --> 00:38:42,730
Nice Put-U-Up.
It's splendid!
548
00:38:42,770 --> 00:38:47,090
You might 'ave been
first thought of on this...
549
00:38:47,130 --> 00:38:50,610
If you'll show me where the sheets..
550
00:38:50,650 --> 00:38:56,770
I wouldn't be surprised if, Jan...
No, bit later, but not much!
551
00:38:57,930 --> 00:39:02,610
Still, this is where they
had their first go, innit?
552
00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:04,570
As far as we know!
553
00:39:06,730 --> 00:39:11,930
How is your mum, anyway? Buried
down there in the back of beyond.
554
00:39:11,970 --> 00:39:15,090
Oh, she's... yeah, she's splendid.
555
00:39:15,130 --> 00:39:17,290
Splen-did. I mean...
556
00:39:17,330 --> 00:39:21,490
My gawd, she's changed, then -
must 'ave.
557
00:39:21,530 --> 00:39:23,970
She's very well!
558
00:39:24,010 --> 00:39:29,490
Splendid's what you call an 'otel,
innit? At the seaside.
559
00:39:29,530 --> 00:39:35,770
I mean, yeah, she's all right.
Well, except for her feet, she says.
560
00:39:35,810 --> 00:39:38,210
Her feet?
561
00:39:38,250 --> 00:39:41,530
When she cut herself
on that milk bottle. It...
562
00:39:41,570 --> 00:39:44,290
Milk bottle?
I haven't heard of this!
563
00:39:44,330 --> 00:39:46,410
Er... Frank, no!
564
00:39:46,450 --> 00:39:52,770
What? Oh, I remember now! That was
months ago, she wrote and said.
565
00:39:52,810 --> 00:39:56,090
Don't slam the door, young woman!
566
00:39:56,130 --> 00:39:57,730
SLAMS
And up yours, too!
567
00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,850
Noise, noise - you must love it!
568
00:39:59,890 --> 00:40:01,890
Kiss mine!
569
00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:13,890
She shouldn't've gone out
in her bare feet.
570
00:40:13,930 --> 00:40:15,730
But that was a long time ago...
571
00:40:15,770 --> 00:40:19,530
Aunt Vickie, who was that?
572
00:40:19,570 --> 00:40:21,250
Who was what?
573
00:40:21,290 --> 00:40:23,130
That... girl.
574
00:40:26,770 --> 00:40:28,770
Aunt Vickie?
575
00:40:32,330 --> 00:40:37,010
She used to be a very good dancer,
your mum, very good.
576
00:40:38,130 --> 00:40:44,050
All the blokes standing against the
wall, you know, looking and sniffing
577
00:40:44,090 --> 00:40:45,490
Who was that...
578
00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:49,970
All eyes. You know
what they're like, young men.
579
00:40:50,010 --> 00:40:53,090
When she was dancing, your mum...
580
00:40:53,130 --> 00:40:58,330
My Gawd! Talk about Grace Kelly
and, who's it, Prince...
581
00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:00,090
Aunt Vickie, who was that?
582
00:41:00,130 --> 00:41:03,250
What? That girl!
583
00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:05,330
What girl?
584
00:41:05,370 --> 00:41:10,970
Going up the stairs, just now.
The one who... THAT GIRL!
585
00:41:11,010 --> 00:41:13,170
I didn't see nobody.
586
00:41:13,210 --> 00:41:15,010
What?
587
00:41:15,050 --> 00:41:20,850
And even if I did, I don't talk
to her. Waste of bloody breath.
588
00:41:22,170 --> 00:41:27,730
But... Might just as well talk
to a bitch on heat, the cow!
589
00:41:27,770 --> 00:41:31,890
We don't have nuffink to do
with her. Not no more.
590
00:41:31,930 --> 00:41:34,770
But, why? I mean, why?
591
00:41:34,810 --> 00:41:37,850
What d'you mean, "Why"?
592
00:41:37,890 --> 00:41:41,610
Well, I...
She lives upstairs, doesn't she?
593
00:41:41,650 --> 00:41:44,250
Why d'you wanna know?
594
00:41:44,290 --> 00:41:46,050
Doesn't she?
595
00:41:46,090 --> 00:41:50,970
Your Uncle Fred won't want you
asking about Sylvia. He'll be...
596
00:41:51,010 --> 00:41:53,050
Sylvia!
597
00:41:53,090 --> 00:41:57,050
What?
Is-is that her name, then? Sylvia?
598
00:41:57,090 --> 00:41:59,010
Common as muck.
599
00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:01,050
(Sssylviahh!)
600
00:42:02,210 --> 00:42:06,050
What you looking like that for?
601
00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:09,370
Who is Sylvia? What is she?
602
00:42:09,410 --> 00:42:10,850
BUDGIE CHIRPS
603
00:42:10,890 --> 00:42:14,570
Your mum used to look like that...
sometimes.
604
00:42:14,610 --> 00:42:16,050
Sorry?
Soppy.
605
00:42:16,090 --> 00:42:20,770
What do you mean? And look what
happened to her!
606
00:42:20,810 --> 00:42:22,010
Aunt Vickie!
607
00:42:22,050 --> 00:42:28,490
See somebody who takes your fancy,
and end up miles from home with a...
608
00:42:31,210 --> 00:42:35,130
Anyway, we don't talk to 'er
upstairs. Not no more.
609
00:42:35,170 --> 00:42:37,210
But, why?
610
00:42:41,130 --> 00:42:43,730
Some words you just don't...
611
00:42:43,770 --> 00:42:47,730
.. and your Uncle Fred
is a very upright man.
612
00:42:49,570 --> 00:42:55,010
Being neighbours is one thing.
We had words, her and me,
613
00:42:55,050 --> 00:43:00,450
.. about the noise... upstairs.
Talk about an 'erd of elephants!
614
00:43:00,490 --> 00:43:06,370
We had words, and then she was
bloody cheeky to your uncle.
615
00:43:06,410 --> 00:43:08,570
Sauce!
616
00:43:08,610 --> 00:43:10,010
We don't talk now.
617
00:43:11,650 --> 00:43:14,970
But what was it all about?
618
00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:19,370
Anyway, what's all this
about our Betty's foot?
619
00:43:19,410 --> 00:43:22,690
Didn't it heal up proper, or what?
620
00:43:26,410 --> 00:43:31,730
I wouldn't pass the time of day
with her. And I get on with most.
621
00:43:31,770 --> 00:43:36,210
I bet you're ready
for a nice cup of tea, aren't ya?
622
00:43:36,250 --> 00:43:37,810
(I'd to talk to her.)
623
00:43:37,850 --> 00:43:39,810
What's that, Frank?
624
00:43:39,850 --> 00:43:41,930
I... Yeah, cup of tea.
625
00:43:41,970 --> 00:43:44,530
Interested in her, are ya?
626
00:43:44,570 --> 00:43:47,090
No! No, I... I was just...
627
00:43:47,130 --> 00:43:49,250
It's not a good idea.
628
00:43:49,290 --> 00:43:51,650
No, no, no. I, I just...
629
00:43:51,690 --> 00:43:56,290
If she's upstairs
and uses the same front door and...
630
00:43:56,330 --> 00:44:00,850
Hard as nails, her bloke.
Nasty little bugger,
631
00:44:00,890 --> 00:44:03,050
.. and's a bit of a mystery.
632
00:44:04,370 --> 00:44:05,890
In what way?
633
00:44:05,930 --> 00:44:06,970
He's a spy.
634
00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:11,330
A what?
Leastways, that's one of his tales.
635
00:44:11,370 --> 00:44:15,330
I wouldn't tangle with him,
not if I was you.
636
00:44:15,370 --> 00:44:17,770
I wasn't proposing to.
637
00:44:19,970 --> 00:44:22,850
CHIRPS
638
00:44:22,890 --> 00:44:25,810
RECORD PLAYS
639
00:44:29,490 --> 00:44:32,730
♪ Told me you were going out... ♪
640
00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:34,410
There! You see!
641
00:44:34,450 --> 00:44:38,050
Yeah, but it's a nice song,
though, sort of.
642
00:44:41,290 --> 00:44:43,490
♪ You came back and man oh man... ♪
643
00:44:45,930 --> 00:44:48,330
KNOCKING
644
00:44:52,450 --> 00:44:54,690
♪ Lipstick on your collar
645
00:44:58,610 --> 00:45:03,530
♪ Bet your bottom dollar
You and I are through
646
00:45:03,570 --> 00:45:06,330
♪ Cos lipstick on your collar
(HUMS)
647
00:45:08,970 --> 00:45:11,170
BANGING
648
00:45:15,290 --> 00:45:17,490
Oh, shut up!
649
00:46:19,650 --> 00:46:23,410
We shall be glad
to have you here, Frank.
650
00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:25,090
SLURPS TEA
651
00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:27,130
Thank you, Uncle Fred.
652
00:46:28,770 --> 00:46:31,690
Bit of educated conversation.
653
00:46:31,730 --> 00:46:34,130
Well, I dunno about that!
654
00:46:35,770 --> 00:46:39,410
It's what I don't get.
It's what I miss.
655
00:46:39,450 --> 00:46:41,810
Oh-ho, thanks very much!
656
00:46:43,490 --> 00:46:45,410
See what I mean?
657
00:46:45,450 --> 00:46:47,610
Mmm.
658
00:46:51,330 --> 00:46:56,530
I talk to that bird sometimes. Did
you know that, Frank? I talk to...
659
00:46:56,570 --> 00:46:57,810
DOOR SLAMS
660
00:46:57,850 --> 00:47:00,890
Here I am, sweetheart! NORWICH!
661
00:47:01,930 --> 00:47:03,930
SIGHS
662
00:47:05,170 --> 00:47:10,490
Now, why does he do that?
Every bloody time he comes home!
663
00:47:10,530 --> 00:47:12,410
It's enough to put you off your tea.
664
00:47:12,450 --> 00:47:14,570
Noisy sods!
665
00:47:14,610 --> 00:47:16,770
Language!
666
00:47:16,810 --> 00:47:21,370
Yeah, well. They should
go back there, shouldn't they?
667
00:47:22,530 --> 00:47:24,850
What? Norwich.
668
00:47:24,890 --> 00:47:26,330
SNIGGERS
669
00:47:27,450 --> 00:47:30,170
Frank, what's the...
670
00:47:30,210 --> 00:47:31,290
It's you!
671
00:47:31,330 --> 00:47:34,970
What you say, you daft pudding!
672
00:47:35,010 --> 00:47:36,850
What?
673
00:47:36,890 --> 00:47:39,210
It's dirty, innit?
674
00:47:40,450 --> 00:47:43,730
Dirty? What d'you mean?
675
00:47:43,770 --> 00:47:49,050
"Nickers Off Ready When I
Come Home." It's childish, innit?
676
00:47:49,090 --> 00:47:56,730
You hear it in the Army -
see it, I mean. N-O-R-W-I-C-H.
677
00:47:56,770 --> 00:48:02,770
Some blokes write it on the envelope
when they write... to girlfriends...
678
00:48:02,810 --> 00:48:06,770
..a-and SWALK -
Sealed With A Loving Kiss, or...
679
00:48:06,810 --> 00:48:08,890
That's enough!
680
00:48:08,930 --> 00:48:11,050
Pardon?
681
00:48:15,370 --> 00:48:19,450
I don't want filth with my food,
thank you very much!
682
00:48:36,570 --> 00:48:38,570
You are the best, Sylvie.
683
00:48:40,810 --> 00:48:45,370
You are the best-looking bint
I've seen all day, Sylvia.
684
00:48:45,410 --> 00:48:48,330
Don't say that!
Well, it's true.
685
00:48:48,370 --> 00:48:50,370
Bint! Don't say that!
686
00:48:50,410 --> 00:48:53,010
Ooops. Sor-ry.
687
00:48:57,010 --> 00:48:59,250
What's the matter?
I'm not a bint!
688
00:48:59,290 --> 00:49:01,050
No, but what's the matter?
689
00:49:01,090 --> 00:49:03,730
Not now, Peter - you smell of beer.
690
00:49:03,770 --> 00:49:05,970
I've had one pint, just one.
691
00:49:06,010 --> 00:49:08,050
I'm tired, that's all.
692
00:49:10,330 --> 00:49:12,370
Tired!
Fed up.
693
00:49:12,410 --> 00:49:17,050
What with?
This place, for a start.
694
00:49:17,090 --> 00:49:20,370
Look, I've seen worse!
And them downstairs.
695
00:49:20,410 --> 00:49:21,770
They're nothing!
696
00:49:21,810 --> 00:49:23,890
And my job!
697
00:49:23,930 --> 00:49:25,290
It's easy, innit?
698
00:49:25,330 --> 00:49:30,290
Standing with a bloody torch on
Saturday night gets on your wick!
699
00:49:30,330 --> 00:49:36,330
Oh, Christ! You're a moaner!
And you're getting worse!
700
00:49:36,370 --> 00:49:38,330
The tea.
701
00:49:42,210 --> 00:49:45,010
Are you showing off again, Sylvia?
702
00:49:47,330 --> 00:49:49,130
Sylvia?
703
00:49:53,890 --> 00:49:56,890
When I shaggin' well ask something,
704
00:49:56,930 --> 00:50:01,450
..you better shaggin' well answer!
I'm talking to you!
705
00:50:01,490 --> 00:50:06,170
D'you want your supper or not?
Sod the shaggin' supper!
706
00:50:06,210 --> 00:50:08,490
Suits me!
Listen here,
707
00:50:08,530 --> 00:50:10,530
You little tart!
708
00:50:12,850 --> 00:50:15,850
You... cheap... little...
709
00:50:29,970 --> 00:50:35,050
Yeah, I must be cheap, cos I got
no bleedin' money, 'ave I?
710
00:50:37,410 --> 00:50:41,570
P'raps I'll start charging for it!
What d'you think?
711
00:51:00,490 --> 00:51:05,370
"I remember the wonderful moment,
712
00:51:07,890 --> 00:51:12,050
.. when before me first she stood."
713
00:51:25,970 --> 00:51:30,090
You tease! Don't you tease me!
Don't tease me, Sylvia!
714
00:51:30,130 --> 00:51:32,370
CRIES
715
00:51:36,730 --> 00:51:39,930
Come on, you tart, now come on!
716
00:51:39,970 --> 00:51:43,290
THUDDING
717
00:51:43,330 --> 00:51:45,330
Get off!
718
00:51:55,970 --> 00:51:59,890
There'll be more
where that came from, my girl!
719
00:51:59,930 --> 00:52:01,890
Come 'ere!
720
00:52:01,930 --> 00:52:07,330
Come back, you bitch! Stupid!
721
00:52:07,370 --> 00:52:09,570
No!
Don't be so daft!
722
00:52:09,610 --> 00:52:11,890
CRIES
723
00:52:12,970 --> 00:52:15,090
SOBS
724
00:52:29,050 --> 00:52:31,810
Sylvia, for Christ's sake!
725
00:52:31,850 --> 00:52:33,530
You soddin' bully!
726
00:52:33,570 --> 00:52:38,410
Shhh! D'you wanna wake
that mad bugger down the stairs?
727
00:52:38,450 --> 00:52:42,570
Hit me again, that's all!
Hit me once more...
728
00:52:42,610 --> 00:52:45,210
Oh, come on, chick, come on.
729
00:52:45,250 --> 00:52:47,250
It weren't that hard. ↑
730
00:52:49,170 --> 00:52:53,570
Hey, come on, chick, come on.
I-I didn't mean it like that.
731
00:52:53,610 --> 00:52:56,450
You're a bully, Pete!
732
00:52:56,490 --> 00:53:01,050
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
733
00:53:01,090 --> 00:53:06,450
Watch that bloody fist of yours,
or you'll kill me one day!
734
00:53:06,490 --> 00:53:09,010
But why d'you do it, Pete? Why?
735
00:53:11,450 --> 00:53:13,610
It's cos I love you, that's why.
736
00:53:13,650 --> 00:53:16,930
Funny way of showing it.
737
00:53:16,970 --> 00:53:18,170
Shut up!
738
00:53:18,210 --> 00:53:22,450
Shut up... Shut up.
739
00:53:28,370 --> 00:53:30,450
GROANS
740
00:53:50,250 --> 00:53:52,930
Oh, you bugger!
741
00:53:57,810 --> 00:54:00,170
Yeah!
742
00:54:08,410 --> 00:54:10,650
DOOR SLAMS
743
00:54:24,370 --> 00:54:26,770
THINKS: 'I know that voice!'
744
00:54:29,250 --> 00:54:31,250
SOLDIER!
745
00:54:44,610 --> 00:54:47,610
BED SQUEAKS RHYTHMICALLY
746
00:54:56,450 --> 00:54:58,450
♪ Frankie Vaughan:
Green Door
747
00:55:00,010 --> 00:55:06,650
♪ Midnight
..one more night without sleepin'
748
00:55:06,690 --> 00:55:13,730
♪ Watchin'
Till the morning comes creepin'
749
00:55:13,770 --> 00:55:15,490
♪ Green door
750
00:55:15,530 --> 00:55:19,250
♪ What's that secret you're keepin'?
751
00:55:20,450 --> 00:55:22,330
♪ There's an old piana
752
00:55:22,370 --> 00:55:23,970
.. and it's playing hot
753
00:55:24,010 --> 00:55:27,490
.. behind the green door ♪
754
00:55:27,530 --> 00:55:29,370
♪ Don't know what they're doing
755
00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,050
.. but they laugh a lot
756
00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:33,490
.. behind the green door
757
00:55:34,570 --> 00:55:36,410
♪ Wish they'd let me in
758
00:55:36,450 --> 00:55:40,570
..so I could find out what's
behind the green door!
759
00:55:42,770 --> 00:55:44,210
♪ Knocked once
760
00:55:44,250 --> 00:55:47,810
.. tried to tell them I've been there
761
00:55:49,570 --> 00:55:51,410
♪ Door slammed
762
00:55:51,450 --> 00:55:55,010
.. hospitality's thin there
763
00:55:56,850 --> 00:56:02,850
♪ Wonder
Just what's going on in there. ♪
50679
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