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1
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,360
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
2
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,960
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
3
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:30,280
♪ When you left me all alone
4
00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,240
♪ At the record hop
5
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,120
♪ Told me you were going out
6
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,960
♪ For a soda pop
7
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,920
♪ You were gone for quite a while
8
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,760
♪ Half an hour or more
9
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,600
♪ You came back and man, oh man,
10
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:50,520
♪ This what I saw
11
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:53,440
♪ Lipstick on your collar
12
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,360
♪ Told a tale on you
13
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:59,240
♪ Lipstick on your collar
14
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,160
♪ Said you were untrue
15
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,000
♪ Bet your bottom dollar
16
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,440
♪ You and I are through
17
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:12,840
♪ Cos lipstick on your collar
Told a tale on you
18
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:19,120
♪ Boy, told a tale on you, man
Told a tale on you, yeah
19
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,440
♪ Told a tale on you. ♪
20
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,760
PROJECTOR WHIRR
21
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,520
"New Yorkers in the rush hour.
Eight million people in a hurry."
22
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,680
"The first civil defence
exercise pulls them up."
23
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,720
"The streets soon become deserted."
24
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,560
"SIREN"
25
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,680
"Trading on the Stock Exchange
stops."
26
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,680
"With a scare like this on,
no wonder." >
27
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,600
"Children get a break from class...
28
00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:04,280
..to get a more vital lesson
about self-preservation
during atomic warfare."
29
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:09,320
"I am unhappy to conclude the
hydrogen bomb should be developed."
30
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:15,000
"We should not intentionally
lose the armaments race."
31
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:19,080
"To do this
will be to lose our liberties."
32
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:23,960
"With Patrick Henry, I value my
liberties more than I do my life."
33
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,800
↑ SHOUTING AND MARCHING
34
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,600
Bumholes.
35
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,880
Bumholes, say I -...
36
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,920
..in the plural.
37
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:02,680
I conjure up for your delectation...
38
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:08,000
.. the image
of row upon row of bare arses.
39
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,040
A whole choir stall of them, eh?
40
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,360
Eh?
41
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:20,920
Ah, I see. No-one interested in my
state of mind at this bright morn.
42
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,080
(SIGHS) Now,
why is that, do you think?
43
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:32,360
Do you consider, perhaps, that I'm
being provocative? Is that it, eh?
44
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,400
Eh?
45
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:40,880
Or boring, even? Have I
become a bore without even knowing?
46
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,480
(SIGHS)
47
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,400
(THINKS) 'Boring? Boring!'
48
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:12,520
Keen, are we, Hopper?
49
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,920
Yes, sir.
50
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,800
Keen and eager? >
51
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,320
Yes, sir!
52
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:32,360
♪ THE PLATTERS:
"THE GREAT PRETENDER"
53
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,480
♪ Oh yes,
54
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,040
..I'm the great pretender
55
00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:40,360
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
56
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:45,360
♪ Pretending that I'm doing well
57
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,040
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
58
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,320
♪ My need is such...
59
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,720
..I pretend too much...
60
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:58,320
..I'm lonely, but no-one can tell ♪
61
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,280
♪ Oh, yes,
62
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,680
..I'm the great pretender...
63
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,160
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
64
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,800
.. adrift in a world of my own
65
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,280
♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo
66
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,120
♪ I play the game...
67
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,240
.. but to my real shame...
68
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:21,560
..you've left me
to dream all alone ♪
69
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,760
Look, Corporal - drum music.
70
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,320
Yeah?
71
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,280
Yeah. See? Can't you read it?
72
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,520
You know bloody well I can't!
73
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:04,520
Nothing to it, look:...
74
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,880
.. bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit.
75
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,720
Very shaggin' funny.
76
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,080
It's good, innit?
77
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:14,720
Less noise there!
78
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,760
(BOTH) Sir!
79
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,040
Bumholes.
80
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,280
Sorry, sir.
81
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,360
Now what is it, Hopper?
82
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:06,200
Krasnaya Zvezda - I mean, Red Star,
an article in Red Star, sir.
83
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,840
What's it say?
84
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,280
Um... "Army footballers
must play better."
85
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,600
Hopper... Sir?
86
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:16,880
What have you got between
your ears? Use your bonce!
87
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,040
I've got enough bumph!
88
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,320
But, sir, I was told
to translate ev...
89
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,840
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
90
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,880
Sir? You...?
91
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,400
Bumholes.
92
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,600
Yes, sir.
93
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,240
(Bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit.)
94
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,280
(Shut up!)
95
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,880
'Am I asleep or what?'
96
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,600
'How d'you tell for sure?'
97
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,520
'Christ, what a dump!'
98
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,800
'Roll on. Roll... on.'
99
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:29,880
♪ Boo-wah-ba, boo-wah-ba
100
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,880
♪ Boo-wah-ba
Do-do-do-do-do-do
101
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,240
♪ Boo-wah-ba
102
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,600
♪ Boo-wah-ba
103
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,840
♪ Boo-wah-ba
104
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,360
♪ Do-do-do-do
105
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,000
♪ Earth angel,
106
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,120
..earth angel...
107
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,440
.. will you be mine?
108
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,040
♪ My darling dear,
109
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,200
..love you all the time
110
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,560
♪ I'm just a fool...
111
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,520
..a fool in love with you
112
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,040
♪ Boo-wah-ba
113
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,560
♪ Boo-wah-ba
114
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,680
♪ Boo-wah-ba
115
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,280
♪ Do-do-do-do-do
116
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:04,720
♪ Earth angel,
117
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,120
..earth angel...
118
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,160
.. the one I adore.
119
00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,560
♪ Love you forever...
120
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,360
.. and ever more ♪
121
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,800
♪ I'm just a fool...
122
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,880
..a fool in love with you
123
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,680
♪ I fell for you...
124
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,720
.. and I knew...
125
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:38,760
.. the vision
of your love's loveliness
126
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,760
♪ Doo-do-do-do-do
127
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,240
♪ I hope and I pray
128
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,000
♪ I hope and I pray that some day
129
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:52,280
I'll be the vision of your happiness
130
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,440
♪ Earth angel,
131
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,960
..earth angel...
132
00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,760
.. please be mine.
133
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,640
♪ My darling dear...
134
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,680
..love you all the time
135
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:09,880
♪ I'm just a fool
136
00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,080
♪ A... ♪
137
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,720
CLOCK CHIMES
138
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,760
What are you doing?
139
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:19,200
Sir, I... Sir?
140
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,720
Get on with your work!
141
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,240
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
142
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,360
CLOCK STRIKES >
143
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,600
TAPPING >
144
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,160
Bumholes!
145
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,720
What? What?
146
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:05,760
Wallace... Sorry. The sound
of a human voice startled me.
147
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,760
I think I said "Bumholes". Yes,
that was almost certainly it -..
148
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,720
..B-U-M. Bumholes. >
149
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,440
I wish you wouldn't do this,
not every five min...
150
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,240
(SNIGGERS)
151
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,680
Corporal! >
152
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,080
Beg your pardon, sir.
153
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,560
It's that... deuced clock
striking 11 like that.
154
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,880
&It; What about it?
155
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,640
Oh, chatty, are we?
156
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,920
Actually, no.
157
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:33,960
Well, I wish it was striking 12,
that's all. One more hour on.
158
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:39,280
Oh, Christ in shitty napkins,
what a life!
159
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,440
(SIGHS)
160
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:48,960
Nine to five, eh? Stooped
over a bloody desk like
a bloody box wallah!
161
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,320
That's what I joined
the Army for, eh?
162
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,720
Corporal? >
163
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,160
Sir! Some barely-bloody-drinkable.
164
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,600
Hopper.
165
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:05,760
Corporal. If we've got to
put in office hours,
166
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:11,840
.. we ought not deviate
a bloody jot or a tittle
from office bloody routine, eh?
167
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:14,840
Coffee at 11,
tea and bickies at 4,
168
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,280
.. and three two-minute wee-wees.
169
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,360
&It; Wallace!
170
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,640
I know!
171
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:23,760
Upstairs need that new Battle Order.
You know this, yet...
172
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,160
Oh, look here, old thing!
173
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:30,320
How will we get it out on time if
you keep up this non-stop barrage?
174
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,760
Worse than dysentery!
Time and place, please!
175
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:38,960
All right, Harry, all right.
Let's keep some sense of, um...
176
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,360
This place is upsetting
the balance of my mind!
177
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,440
I can't even drag up
the right word!
178
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,000
Proportion.
179
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,080
What?
180
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,360
The word you want.
181
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,760
Absolutely not!
182
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,200
What? Proportion! No, no!
183
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,680
Oh, please!
184
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,560
Perspective! That's the word!
185
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,960
Yes, Harry, I'm sorry.
186
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,320
Sorry. Sorry.
187
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,240
All I was saying was...
188
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,920
No! Was... to keep a sense of...
189
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,400
Perspective?
190
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,080
Propor-tion.
191
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,760
(SNIGGERS)
192
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:21,200
♪ THURSTON HARRIS:
"LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE"
193
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,920
♪ (HUMMING)
194
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,520
♪ Little bitty pretty one
195
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,480
♪ Come on and talk to me
196
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,920
♪ Lovey dovey lovey one
197
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,520
♪ Come sit down on my knee
198
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,560
♪ Tell you a story
199
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,800
♪ Hap' a long time ago
200
00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,240
♪ Little bitty pretty one
201
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,040
♪ I've been a-watching you grow
202
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,840
♪ Little bitty pretty one
203
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,960
♪ Come on and talk to me
204
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,240
♪ Lovey dovey lovey one
205
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,520
♪ Come sit on my knee
206
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:55,000
♪ (HUMS)
207
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:12,960
(SNIGGERS)
208
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,720
Hopper, where the hell
d'you think you are?
209
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,880
I... I'm sorry, sir.
210
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:23,320
I... swallowed the wrong way. Sorry.
211
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,040
Get back to your desk, man.
212
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,440
Sir!
213
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,640
&It; Hopper! Sir!
214
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,040
The barely bloody drinkie-winkie?
215
00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:35,480
Sir!
216
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:42,160
Oh... (SIGHS)
217
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,680
WHISTLES
218
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,920
"Shoot me a slug
from the wonderful jug."
219
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,120
"The first civil defence
exercise pulls them up."
220
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,640
"The streets soon become deserted."
221
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,680
"SIREN"
222
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,760
"Trading on the Stock Exchange
stops."
223
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,680
Pssst! When do you finish?
224
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,200
Why?
225
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,800
Come on, what's your name?
226
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,400
Why? Everybody's got a name.
227
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,240
Shhh!
228
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:47,760
I'll be waiting for you,
sweetie-pie.
229
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:53,440
"I'm unhappy to conclude that the
hydrogen bomb should be developed."
230
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,520
"We should not intentionally
lose the armaments race."
231
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:01,320
"To do this
will be to lose our liberties."
232
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,640
"With Patrick Henry, I value my
liberties more than my life."
233
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,520
MILITARY BAND
234
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,760
SIGHS
235
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:35,760
What do they call the little black
things between an elephant's toes?
236
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,200
Go on, if we must.
237
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,240
Slow niggers!
238
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,600
Major Hedges!
Now, now, Harry.
239
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,800
I've had about enough of...
240
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,880
We're working too hard.
241
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:51,640
I mean, it's all bullshit,
this new Battle Order bumph!
242
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:56,720
We might as well give them the old
one. They fuss too much upstairs.
243
00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:01,720
Christ, the Battle Order doesn't
change! Not in three months!
244
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,400
The Russians
never do anything different...
245
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,240
Bunkum!
Talking through your hat again.
246
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:13,120
I'm what? They're moving
infantry and tanks, fella.
247
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:17,200
No, no.
Not west, not through my section!
248
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,040
South.
249
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,440
What?
250
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,840
I've lost nearly all the Eighth
tank regiment outside Magnitogorsk.
251
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,480
Yeah, they've gone south.
That's my impression.
252
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,760
Some infantry have decamped.
253
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,920
Gone south.
254
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,000
Maybe.
255
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:39,280
Truck...
Have your people got more on this?
256
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,840
You people have about everything
my people have.
257
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,880
It's how you read it.
258
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:51,080
In my opinion - no, in our opinion..
the status of this is hardening.
259
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:54,040
You can elevate it from surmise.
260
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,720
You can what?
261
00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,760
They're moving men
and materials south, old bean.
262
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:05,360
And you'd better believe it. All
right, all right, old fruit ...
263
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,560
Until we collate these new papers,
264
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,360
we won't know what the H is going
on, will we?
265
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,080
This could be... I-I m-mean the...
266
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,320
.. good Lord, Wallace,
the next B war!
267
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:21,720
SIGHS: So, let's end these
disturbances. If you don't mind!
268
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
COUGHS
269
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:39,400
'War, war. Shagging war. I've
only got six weeks. Leave me out!'
270
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:46,040
'Let me go! I'm not joining in.
No more shagging war! No!'
271
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,560
CLOCK STRIKES
272
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,600
Quarter past!
273
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,880
Time marches on!
274
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:06,800
FILM MUSIC
275
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,840
So, here you are.
276
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,120
What d'you mean?
277
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,160
I hear you work Monday and Wednesday
278
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,520
That's my business.
279
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,880
So, what do you do evenings?
280
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,560
Depends.
281
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,840
Ever go down the Palais?
282
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,720
Not much.
I could take you.
283
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,320
Nah!
It wouldn't hurt, would it?
284
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,760
My old man wouldn't like it.
285
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,240
Your dad?
286
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,680
Me husband!
287
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,200
Christ, you've thrown yourself away!
288
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,640
And all this time,
there was me waiting.
289
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,240
Well, I didn't know, did I?
290
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,960
You do now, don't ya?
291
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:05,480
You... but, you've got a minute!
292
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,120
What for?
293
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,960
Can do a lot in a minute.
294
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,000
Yeah, a lot of damage.
295
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,040
Come on, then.
See you later, alligator.
296
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,320
WELSH ACCENT: 22920071 Private
Francis F reporting for duty.
297
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:41,440
You bleedin' git!
298
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,880
Sir?
299
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:50,480
Does Private Hopper really look like
your new Commanding Officer?
300
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,520
I... Oh...
301
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,240
Two two nine two zero zero...
302
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,680
Yes, yes, we've had all that.
303
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:06,040
One of your shoulders
is higher than the other. Sir?
304
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,040
Give me you Movement Order, man!
305
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,160
Sir?
Are you a cretin?
306
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,720
Of course he is!
It must be the new language clerk.
307
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,560
Not likely to read or write, is he?
308
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,440
I hope his Russian
is better than his English!
309
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:26,360
Come on,
Movement Order - sharp about it!
310
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,000
S-sorry, s-sir.
311
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:35,000
Do you stutter?
N-n... I mean, no, sir.
312
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,200
Your Movement Order says...
313
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:41,280
..to leave Intelligence Corps
at Maresfield at 08:00...
314
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,960
.. and report
to the War Office at 15:00!
315
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,800
Sir, I...
It's way past 1600 hours!
316
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,000
16:21!
Well?
317
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,760
I... Sir, I... I'm sorry, sir.
318
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,960
What do you mean, sorry?
319
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,760
I... I was... d-delayed, sir.
320
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,640
What do you mean, delayed?
Late on parade, you mean!
321
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,320
Sir, I... Sir!
Permission to speak, sir!
322
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,400
SIGHS: Speak.
323
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:16,960
Sir... I've never been to London
before, sir, except to pass through.
324
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,040
I... got... lost, sir.
325
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:25,160
Lost? He's Intelligence Corps.
Of course he bloody well got lost!
326
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,280
Lost in London?
Sir.
327
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:35,440
Good God! You don't have to wet
your thumb and hold it in the air!
328
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:39,880
You've got a tongue!
We're in the middle of Whitehall!
329
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,240
I asked a policeman, sir, and he...
330
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,680
You WHAT?
331
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:48,800
I asked him where Whitehall was,
the War Office, sir, and...
332
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,360
Where did this encounter take place?
333
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:55,360
Trafalgar Square,
with the stone lions.
334
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,880
And the sticks
with the horse's-head handles!
335
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,640
Half a mo', Wallace. And then?
336
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,440
He pointed to this big building,
and...
337
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,800
Oh, keep still, man!
Sir!
338
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,680
Yes! Go on!
339
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:17,720
It had pillars and steps and...
but... it was full of pictures, sir.
340
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:19,720
Pictures?
341
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:25,200
By the time I realised it wasn't
what the policeman said it was,
342
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,680
National Gallery.
343
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,560
National Gallery! Ooh!
National bloody Gallery!
344
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,160
Sir! Permission to speak, sir?
345
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,160
CHUCKLES: Yes, go on!
346
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:47,120
Would you accept the proposal that I
am not as big a fool as I seem, sir?
347
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,480
ALL LAUGH
348
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:55,080
I suppose I must take note of that,
on this occasion!
349
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,200
I hope you will learn
that in this office...
350
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:02,240
.. your opinions
are of little or no relevance.
351
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:03,400
Sir.
352
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:08,880
None of us is in uniform, but that
does not in any way imply derogation
353
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,720
.. from normal Army procedures.
354
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,320
Exactly the opposite! Understand?
Yes, sir.
355
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,560
Get your shoulders into alignment!
Sir!
356
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:24,640
If you arrive late again, and if you
continue to make an ass of yourself,
357
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:26,400
.. Corporal, make it clear.
358
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,240
Sir!
359
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,600
Ha-bout... TURN!
360
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,840
SOLDIER!
Corporal!
361
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,080
You are a twit! WHAT ARE YOU?
362
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,800
A twit, Corporal!
363
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,640
Now I'm gonna put
my dingaling in your ear...
364
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,760
.. AND SHAG SOME SENSE INTO YOU!
UNDERSTAND?
365
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,280
Corporal!
Right you are, return him to me.
366
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,800
Sir! Ha-bout... TURN!
367
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:15,080
Let us hope things will improve
a bit from now on. Right, now then.
368
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,600
Um...
369
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:34,800
Er, yes... as I said, none of us
in this office is in uniform...
370
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:42,360
.. for reasons that may become
apparent. I'm afraid the same
will apply to you. No uniform.
371
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:47,600
No, sir. Yes, I know, but there it
is. You have to wear civilian
clothes.
372
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:48,880
Yes, sir.
373
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,400
Neat and tidy. Collars and ties.
No coloured shirts. Plain socks.
374
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,960
Yes, sir. Good. Now, neat and tidy.
Neat and tidy.
375
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,280
We're extremely busy this afternoon.
376
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:06,880
The world doesn't stand still, er,
Francis... Understand?
377
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,240
Sir!
378
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,520
Yes...
379
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:17,280
Perhaps you wanted adventure?
Malaya, eh? Or Cyprus?
380
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:23,080
Or in the, er... forests, teaching
the Mau Mau how to behave.
381
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:26,640
Even more,
382
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,520
.. the Soviet Union, Francis.
383
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:34,680
Sir? Must be ready for when the
bally goes up, eh? Balloon.
384
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,720
Yes, sir.
385
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,800
This... section of
Military Intelligence - M.I...
386
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:49,560
..(COUGHS) bracket BO bracket - is..
You know what BO means?
387
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,560
Um... it's when you don't...
388
00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:04,600
No, sir.
Battle Order.
389
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:09,480
That of the Red Army. Where they
are, where they're going. Got it?
390
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:15,160
Sir! Now, then. This info comes to
us at these desks...
391
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:20,960
..by a variety of overt and
covert... pretty damned hush-hush...
392
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:27,000
.. and, er... yes,
but I, I won't... yes.
393
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,040
Pretty clear, hmm?
394
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,760
Sir.
395
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,480
You're to be
the Russian language clerk...
396
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,600
..to Major Church, Language Officer.
He will explain.
397
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,280
Explicate the inexplicable.
398
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,920
Now, I am Colonel Bernwood.
Over there is Major Carter.
399
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:53,200
That is Major Hedges in the.. hmmm.
400
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:58,640
Now, listen very carefully. See
the gentleman sitting over there?
401
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:02,400
Yes, sir.
Well, he is not there.
402
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:09,320
No, sir.
Where is he?
403
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,200
Sir?
He's not here!
404
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:18,280
Sir!
405
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:23,720
His name - which, of course, you
need to know even though he's not...
406
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:29,040
..- is Lieutenant Colonel Trekker.
From G-2, United States Army, G-2.
407
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,720
Signed the Official Secrets Act?
Yes, sir.
408
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:36,640
Know the consequences of breaking it
409
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:39,960
Hanging.
410
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:41,760
Sir?
411
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,520
Don't want to be hanged, do you?
412
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,080
No, sir.
413
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:52,760
One stray word, one wink across
the top of your glass of sherry,
414
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:57,200
Understand?
A nudge is as good as... hmm.
415
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:02,680
Anywhere outside this room, soldier,
anywhere at all is the wrong place.
416
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:03,960
Is that perfectly clear?
417
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,280
Yes, sir!
418
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:11,080
Good. Then you won't
have to be buried in quicklime.
419
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:15,120
Now, who is that
sitting over there?
420
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,560
Nobody, sir.
421
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:25,560
Yeah. And that is the first thing
to tuck away and keep dark.
422
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,560
The Military Intelligence services
of the UK and the US are,
423
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:35,000
..to all intents and purposes...
Do you understand?
424
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,200
Sir!
425
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:41,960
Well, I think that covers things...
pretty well.
426
00:30:55,640 --> 00:31:01,080
Sir, I... e-excuse m-me, sir.
427
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,760
Get those packs off!
428
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,880
Present your idle self
to Major Church!
429
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,400
Sir! Over here. Sharp about it.
430
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:14,200
Sit down.
431
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,480
CLOCK STRIKES
432
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,840
(GRUNTS)
433
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,640
A gazelle.
434
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,960
Sir?
Like a gazelle.
435
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,480
Sir.
436
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:04,960
Name? Say again.
437
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,160
Francis, sir. Francis F.
438
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,480
What's the F?
Francis, sir.
439
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:11,600
Yes, yes - what's the F?
440
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:14,640
Francis, sir. Francis Francis.
441
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:16,120
CHUCKLES
442
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,360
How economical! Well, Francis...
443
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:26,200
.. when we call you Francis, we mean
Francis, not Francis, no familiarity
444
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,080
No, sir.
445
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:33,320
What was your final mark on
the Joint Services Russian course?
446
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,360
92%, sir.
447
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,680
Is that a smirk I detect?
448
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,480
No, sir!
Clever Dick, are we?
449
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,480
No, sir!
450
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:50,320
Mmm, I wonder. Graceful movements,
superb brain, an economical name.
451
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,040
Well, let's hear it!
452
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:58,600
Sir?
Your brilliant Russian!
453
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,360
Um...
My God. Whiplash Willie!
454
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:07,400
Ya pomnyu chudnoye mgnovyenye.
455
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,360
What?
456
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,600
I remember a wonderful moment.
457
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:15,760
Yes, somewhere in the valleys -
some Megan or Blodwen, I'll be bound
458
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:17,040
Pushkin, sir!
459
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:22,360
Pushkin? What do you think
you're talking about, Francis?
460
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,720
Well, sir...
461
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:26,920
Well, go on.
462
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:36,960
Pyeredo mnoy yavilas tee kak
mimolyotnoye vidyenye...
463
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:38,720
Er... what?
464
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,720
You stood before me
like a momentary vision.
465
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,040
Did I?
466
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:50,080
Sir. He is remembering
the very first time he...
467
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:51,320
Had a bunk-up?
468
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,200
No, sir! No?
469
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,240
No, sir.
470
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:01,920
The first time... he met this
enchantingly lovely young lady Anna.
471
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,320
Now that he has met her again,
his heart is...
472
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,640
Sorry, sir.
473
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,040
Tosh!
474
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:15,480
Sir.
475
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:21,360
Caterpillar tracks, Francis.
Artillery ranges. Calibrations.
476
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,440
Each sort of shooter. Tanks.
477
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:29,320
Those are the words you need
in this office - military words.
478
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,040
Not... mush.
479
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,080
Yes, sir.
480
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:38,400
"Enchantingly lovely young lady" -
is that what you said?
481
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,120
What's that, Johnny?
482
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,400
Francis -
obsessed with pretty young ladies.
483
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:44,680
But, sir, I...
484
00:34:44,720 --> 00:34:47,520
Jolly good. Nice fluffy things.
485
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,520
If you want to masturbate,
do it at lunchtime!
486
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,480
Sir! Permission to speak, sir!
487
00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:59,480
No. Sir, I must p-p-p...
Sir, this is not...
488
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,480
Sir.
489
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:09,000
♪ Frankie Vaughan:
The Garden Of Eden
490
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,840
♪ When you walk in the garden
491
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,160
..in the Garden of Eden...
492
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,200
.. with a beautiful woman...
493
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,920
.. and you know how you care ♪
494
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,960
♪ And a voice in the garden...
495
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,240
..in the Garden of Eden...
496
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,160
.. tells you she is forbidden...
497
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,480
.. can you leave her there? ♪
498
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:36,480
♪ When you're yearning for loving
499
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,800
.. and she touches your hand
500
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,640
.. and your heart starts a-pounding
501
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,760
.. and you're feeling so grand ♪
502
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:49,000
♪ Can you leave her to heaven...
503
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:51,880
.. and obey the command...
504
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,960
.. can you walk from the garden
505
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,160
.. does your heart understand? ♪
506
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,240
♪ When you walk in the garden...
507
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,520
..in the Garden of Eden...
508
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,520
.. with a beautiful woman...
509
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,720
.. and you know how you care? ♪
510
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,720
♪ And a voice in the garden...
511
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,880
..in the Garden of Eden...
512
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,120
.. tells you she is forbidden...
513
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:23,760
.. can you leave her there? ♪
514
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,400
Have you located a lodging?
A place to dream?
515
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,680
Yes, sir.
Suitable?
516
00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:36,640
With my relatives in Walham Green.
517
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,720
Walham what?
Fulham, sir.
518
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,080
Relatives, you say?
My mother's sister, sir. She...
519
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,400
Good. Good, good, good, good, good.
520
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:46,880
Sir.
521
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,280
This afternoon,
take yourself off there -...
522
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:52,960
.. if you can find it (!)
Yes, sir.
523
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,240
Settle in, stow your kit,
wash behind your ears,
524
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,920
.. stand close to the razor,
forget your Pushkin...
525
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:09,520
.. and present yourself here
in sober clothes at 0850 am,
on the bloody dot!
526
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,000
Yes, sir.
Then Private Hopper -...
527
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:18,440
.. who has the misfortune of being
demobilised -... Don't smirk!
528
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:19,680
No, sir.
529
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:23,480
Where that smirking oaf will begin
in his dozy way...
530
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:27,880
..to hand over his duties to you.
And then, who knows?
531
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:33,280
You may get a glimmering of what it
is we are up to in this little room.
532
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,560
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
533
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,040
Toddle off, then.
534
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:39,160
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
535
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,360
You can go and look for it,
can't you?
536
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,080
Sir?
537
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,360
That wonderful moment.
538
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:15,080
See, that's all you do.
Good, innit?
539
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:21,800
I haven't made it up yet,
but it's a nice piece of furniture.
Had it a long time.
540
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,400
It's... splendid, Aunt Vickie.
541
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:30,160
It's where your mum and dad
started their honeymoon,
542
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,000
.. if that's what you could call it.
Really?
543
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,960
It's sagged a bit
in the middle ever since!
544
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:38,480
Should be all right, though.
545
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,080
Yes, thank you.
546
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,000
Nothing wrong with the springs.
547
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:47,240
Nice Put-U-Up.
It's splendid!
548
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:51,600
You might 'ave been
first thought of on this...
549
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:55,120
If you'll show me where the sheets..
550
00:38:55,160 --> 00:39:01,280
I wouldn't be surprised if, Jan...
No, bit later, but not much!
551
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:07,120
Still, this is where they
had their first go, innit?
552
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,080
As far as we know!
553
00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:16,440
How is your mum, anyway? Buried
down there in the back of beyond.
554
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,600
Oh, she's... yeah, she's splendid.
555
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,800
Splen-did. I mean...
556
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:26,000
My gawd, she's changed, then -
must 'ave.
557
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,480
She's very well!
558
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:34,000
Splendid's what you call an 'otel,
innit? At the seaside.
559
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:40,280
I mean, yeah, she's all right.
Well, except for her feet, she says.
560
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,720
Her feet?
561
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,040
When she cut herself
on that milk bottle. It...
562
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,800
Milk bottle?
I haven't heard of this!
563
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,920
Er... Frank, no!
564
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:57,280
What? Oh, I remember now! That was
months ago, she wrote and said.
565
00:39:57,320 --> 00:40:00,600
Don't slam the door, young woman!
566
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,240
SLAMS
And up yours, too!
567
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,360
Noise, noise - you must love it!
568
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,400
Kiss mine!
569
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,400
She shouldn't've gone out
in her bare feet.
570
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,240
But that was a long time ago...
571
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:24,040
Aunt Vickie, who was that?
572
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:25,760
Who was what?
573
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,640
That... girl.
574
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:33,280
Aunt Vickie?
575
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:41,520
She used to be a very good dancer,
your mum, very good.
576
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:48,560
All the blokes standing against the
wall, you know, looking and sniffing
577
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,000
Who was that...
578
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:54,480
All eyes. You know
what they're like, young men.
579
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,600
When she was dancing, your mum...
580
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:02,840
My Gawd! Talk about Grace Kelly
and, who's it, Prince...
581
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,600
Aunt Vickie, who was that?
582
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,760
What? That girl!
583
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:09,840
What girl?
584
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:15,480
Going up the stairs, just now.
The one who... THAT GIRL!
585
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,680
I didn't see nobody.
586
00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:19,520
What?
587
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:25,360
And even if I did, I don't talk
to her. Waste of bloody breath.
588
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:32,240
But... Might just as well talk
to a bitch on heat, the cow!
589
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:36,400
We don't have nuffink to do
with her. Not no more.
590
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,280
But, why? I mean, why?
591
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,360
What d'you mean, "Why"?
592
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,120
Well, I...
She lives upstairs, doesn't she?
593
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,760
Why d'you wanna know?
594
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,560
Doesn't she?
595
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:55,480
Your Uncle Fred won't want you
asking about Sylvia. He'll be...
596
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:57,560
Sylvia!
597
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:01,560
What?
Is-is that her name, then? Sylvia?
598
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:03,520
Common as muck.
599
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,560
(Sssylviahh!)
600
00:42:06,720 --> 00:42:10,560
What you looking like that for?
601
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,880
Who is Sylvia? What is she?
602
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:15,360
BUDGIE CHIRPS
603
00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:19,080
Your mum used to look like that...
sometimes.
604
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,560
Sorry?
Soppy.
605
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:25,280
What do you mean? And look what
happened to her!
606
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:26,520
Aunt Vickie!
607
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:33,000
See somebody who takes your fancy,
and end up miles from home with a...
608
00:42:35,720 --> 00:42:39,640
Anyway, we don't talk to 'er
upstairs. Not no more.
609
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,720
But, why?
610
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,240
Some words you just don't...
611
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:52,240
.. and your Uncle Fred
is a very upright man.
612
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:59,520
Being neighbours is one thing.
We had words, her and me,
613
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:04,960
.. about the noise... upstairs.
Talk about an 'erd of elephants!
614
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:10,880
We had words, and then she was
bloody cheeky to your uncle.
615
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,080
Sauce!
616
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:14,520
We don't talk now.
617
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,480
But what was it all about?
618
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,880
Anyway, what's all this
about our Betty's foot?
619
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,200
Didn't it heal up proper, or what?
620
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:36,240
I wouldn't pass the time of day
with her. And I get on with most.
621
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:40,720
I bet you're ready
for a nice cup of tea, aren't ya?
622
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,320
(I'd to talk to her.)
623
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,320
What's that, Frank?
624
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,440
I... Yeah, cup of tea.
625
00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:49,040
Interested in her, are ya?
626
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,600
No! No, I... I was just...
627
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,760
It's not a good idea.
628
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,160
No, no, no. I, I just...
629
00:43:56,200 --> 00:44:00,800
If she's upstairs
and uses the same front door and...
630
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:05,360
Hard as nails, her bloke.
Nasty little bugger,
631
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,560
.. and's a bit of a mystery.
632
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,400
In what way?
633
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:11,480
He's a spy.
634
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:15,840
A what?
Leastways, that's one of his tales.
635
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,840
I wouldn't tangle with him,
not if I was you.
636
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:22,280
I wasn't proposing to.
637
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,360
CHIRPS
638
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:30,320
RECORD PLAYS
639
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,240
♪ Told me you were going out... ♪
640
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:38,920
There! You see!
641
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,560
Yeah, but it's a nice song,
though, sort of.
642
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,000
♪ You came back and man oh man... ♪
643
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,840
KNOCKING
644
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,200
♪ Lipstick on your collar
645
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:08,040
♪ Bet your bottom dollar
You and I are through
646
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,840
♪ Cos lipstick on your collar
(HUMS)
647
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,680
BANGING
648
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,000
Oh, shut up!
649
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:27,920
We shall be glad
to have you here, Frank.
650
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,600
SLURPS TEA
651
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:31,640
Thank you, Uncle Fred.
652
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,200
Bit of educated conversation.
653
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,640
Well, I dunno about that!
654
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,920
It's what I don't get.
It's what I miss.
655
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,320
Oh-ho, thanks very much!
656
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,920
See what I mean?
657
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,120
Mmm.
658
00:46:55,840 --> 00:47:01,040
I talk to that bird sometimes. Did
you know that, Frank? I talk to...
659
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:02,320
DOOR SLAMS
660
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,400
Here I am, sweetheart! NORWICH!
661
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:08,440
SIGHS
662
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:15,000
Now, why does he do that?
Every bloody time he comes home!
663
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,920
It's enough to put you off your tea.
664
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:19,080
Noisy sods!
665
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,280
Language!
666
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,880
Yeah, well. They should
go back there, shouldn't they?
667
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,360
What? Norwich.
668
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,840
SNIGGERS
669
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,680
Frank, what's the...
670
00:47:34,720 --> 00:47:35,800
It's you!
671
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:39,480
What you say, you daft pudding!
672
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,360
What?
673
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,720
It's dirty, innit?
674
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,240
Dirty? What d'you mean?
675
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:53,560
"Nickers Off Ready When I
Come Home." It's childish, innit?
676
00:47:53,600 --> 00:48:01,240
You hear it in the Army -
see it, I mean. N-O-R-W-I-C-H.
677
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:07,280
Some blokes write it on the envelope
when they write... to girlfriends...
678
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,280
..a-and SWALK -
Sealed With A Loving Kiss, or...
679
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,400
That's enough!
680
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,560
Pardon?
681
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,960
I don't want filth with my food,
thank you very much!
682
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,080
You are the best, Sylvie.
683
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:49,880
You are the best-looking bint
I've seen all day, Sylvia.
684
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:52,840
Don't say that!
Well, it's true.
685
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:54,880
Bint! Don't say that!
686
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,520
Ooops. Sor-ry.
687
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,760
What's the matter?
I'm not a bint!
688
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:05,560
No, but what's the matter?
689
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,240
Not now, Peter - you smell of beer.
690
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,480
I've had one pint, just one.
691
00:49:10,520 --> 00:49:12,560
I'm tired, that's all.
692
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,880
Tired!
Fed up.
693
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:21,560
What with?
This place, for a start.
694
00:49:21,600 --> 00:49:24,880
Look, I've seen worse!
And them downstairs.
695
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:26,280
They're nothing!
696
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:28,400
And my job!
697
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:29,800
It's easy, innit?
698
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:34,800
Standing with a bloody torch on
Saturday night gets on your wick!
699
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:40,840
Oh, Christ! You're a moaner!
And you're getting worse!
700
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,840
The tea.
701
00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:49,520
Are you showing off again, Sylvia?
702
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:53,640
Sylvia?
703
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:01,400
When I shaggin' well ask something,
704
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:05,960
..you better shaggin' well answer!
I'm talking to you!
705
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,680
D'you want your supper or not?
Sod the shaggin' supper!
706
00:50:10,720 --> 00:50:13,000
Suits me!
Listen here,
707
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:15,040
You little tart!
708
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:20,360
You... cheap... little...
709
00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:39,560
Yeah, I must be cheap, cos I got
no bleedin' money, 'ave I?
710
00:50:41,920 --> 00:50:46,080
P'raps I'll start charging for it!
What d'you think?
711
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:09,880
"I remember the wonderful moment,
712
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:16,560
.. when before me first she stood."
713
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:34,600
You tease! Don't you tease me!
Don't tease me, Sylvia!
714
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,880
CRIES
715
00:51:41,240 --> 00:51:44,440
Come on, you tart, now come on!
716
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,800
THUDDING
717
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:49,840
Get off!
718
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:04,400
There'll be more
where that came from, my girl!
719
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,400
Come 'ere!
720
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:11,840
Come back, you bitch! Stupid!
721
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,080
No!
Don't be so daft!
722
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,400
CRIES
723
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:19,600
SOBS
724
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:36,320
Sylvia, for Christ's sake!
725
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:38,040
You soddin' bully!
726
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:42,920
Shhh! D'you wanna wake
that mad bugger down the stairs?
727
00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:47,080
Hit me again, that's all!
Hit me once more...
728
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,720
Oh, come on, chick, come on.
729
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:51,760
It weren't that hard. ↑
730
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:58,080
Hey, come on, chick, come on.
I-I didn't mean it like that.
731
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:00,960
You're a bully, Pete!
732
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:05,560
Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
733
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:10,960
Watch that bloody fist of yours,
or you'll kill me one day!
734
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:13,520
But why d'you do it, Pete? Why?
735
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:18,120
It's cos I love you, that's why.
736
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:21,440
Funny way of showing it.
737
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:22,680
Shut up!
738
00:53:22,720 --> 00:53:26,960
Shut up... Shut up.
739
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:34,960
GROANS
740
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,440
Oh, you bugger!
741
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,680
Yeah!
742
00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,160
DOOR SLAMS
743
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,280
THINKS: 'I know that voice!'
744
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,760
SOLDIER!
745
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,120
BED SQUEAKS RHYTHMICALLY
746
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,960
♪ Frankie Vaughan:
Green Door
747
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:11,160
♪ Midnight
..one more night without sleepin'
748
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:18,240
♪ Watchin'
Till the morning comes creepin'
749
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,000
♪ Green door
750
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:23,760
♪ What's that secret you're keepin'?
751
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:26,840
♪ There's an old piana
752
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,480
.. and it's playing hot
753
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:32,000
.. behind the green door ♪
754
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:33,880
♪ Don't know what they're doing
755
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:35,560
.. but they laugh a lot
756
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,000
.. behind the green door
757
00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:40,920
♪ Wish they'd let me in
758
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:45,080
..so I could find out what's
behind the green door!
759
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:48,720
♪ Knocked once
760
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:52,320
.. tried to tell them I've been there
761
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:55,920
♪ Door slammed
762
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:59,520
.. hospitality's thin there
763
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:07,360
♪ Wonder
Just what's going on in there. ♪
50679
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