All language subtitles for Fantozzi 2 (Il Secondo Tragico Fantozzi) 1976-en

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:51,230 Hello, good night, ahem... good morning Mrs... 2 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:53,600 Mrs. Earl-Duke Margherita Semenzara! 3 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:57,810 How did I know it was you? I didn't. I could swear it was you. 4 00:00:58,070 --> 00:01:00,720 I recognized you by your noble voice. 5 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:04,180 You'd like to speak with your noble husband? 6 00:01:04,570 --> 00:01:08,860 He's in Standing Commettee since last night in the "Great Council of the 10 Absentees". 7 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,790 I have precise orders not to put anyone through... 8 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,080 But if you really insist... 9 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,620 Oh, you're not insisting? You're... 10 00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:16,670 ...commanding me? OK. 11 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,720 In that case, hold on I'll put you through to the Council. 12 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:21,280 Just a moment. 13 00:01:21,430 --> 00:01:23,830 Hello? Council of the Ten Absentees here. 14 00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:27,550 I have a call for Earl Semenzara, from Mrs. Earl... Earl-Duke. 15 00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,320 Please wait. 16 00:01:29,430 --> 00:01:32,270 Please wait Mrs, while I put your husband through. 17 00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:42,030 Hello! Here I am, my jealous dearie. Did you think I was out boning whores? He-he 18 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,890 Semenzara doesn't fool around. Semenzara works even at night... 19 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,810 to sustain you and the family. 20 00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:49,810 He's not afraid of being checked upon. 21 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,500 Now forgive me but I must go. We've got a voting. 22 00:01:52,500 --> 00:01:53,640 Bye, bye... 23 00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,040 What did you say? 24 00:01:57,070 --> 00:02:01,630 Nothing, he just sped up a bit because he had to go voting. 25 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,850 He said to rest easy. 26 00:02:06,220 --> 00:02:11,340 Alright, goodnight... good day... ahem... bye, Mrs. Earl-Duke. 27 00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:42,620 - Who goes there? - Fantozzi Ugo, accountant, ID 7829/bis. I was doing overtime. 28 00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:44,360 You could have warned me! 29 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:49,480 Sorry if I startled you, Mr. Night-watchman. 30 00:02:57,130 --> 00:03:01,490 Thank you, good day and goodnight. Goodbye, Mr Night-watchman. 31 00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:18,600 Good morning, madam. 32 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:30,000 No, please! Your colleague upstairs shot me already! 33 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:35,170 Apologies. Maybe the next time. Good... good day! 34 00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:50,770 - We're waiting for you. - We're waiting for you. 35 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,290 WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU 36 00:04:45,530 --> 00:04:46,910 Let me through! 37 00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:51,860 Please! They are awaiting me at home. 38 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380 Coward! Leave the windscreen alone! 39 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,530 - Take this! - Miserable rascal! 40 00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:03,470 Who do you think you are with that old wreck? You think you own the road? 41 00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:43,330 How many times do I have to tell you that I must, I should... 42 00:05:43,750 --> 00:05:48,120 go home because I just finished work...iiiiing? 43 00:05:59,030 --> 00:06:04,230 ITAL-PETROL-CEMENT-THERMO-TEXIL- PHARMA-METAL-CHEMICALS 44 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:41,780 For you, accountant. It's very urgent! 45 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,900 Surveyor, are you ready? F-7. 46 00:06:45,350 --> 00:06:47,220 Damn! Hit at the first go! 47 00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:49,800 - You hit a cruiser. - Good! 48 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,000 - Today I would begin with 27. - Very well, and you? 49 00:06:54,020 --> 00:06:56,310 The series from 5 to 8 for 100,000 Liras. 50 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,360 Let's proceed. 51 00:07:02,850 --> 00:07:05,990 In order to choose the employee who would follow 52 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:11,630 the Almighty Sensational Director Sir Earl-Duke Pier Carlo Semenzara... 53 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:16,850 to gamble at Monte Carlo, a terrible draw was arranged in the canteen. 54 00:07:16,910 --> 00:07:20,430 Even the Internal Committee was involved in this. 55 00:07:21,470 --> 00:07:26,890 The ceremony organizer was accountant Filini, from the Accidents Department. 56 00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:29,600 Attention! 57 00:07:37,110 --> 00:07:39,550 - Let's proceed. - Yes, Your Excellency. 58 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:40,800 Miss Silvani! 59 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:42,950 Beg your pardon! 60 00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:45,350 Mrs. Silvani-Calboni! 61 00:07:45,690 --> 00:07:47,260 - Me? - Yes. 62 00:07:47,290 --> 00:07:51,440 The person choosen to draw the name of the elect was Mrs. Calboni... 63 00:07:51,450 --> 00:07:53,380 former Miss Silvani. 64 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:56,070 and former Fantozzi's unfortunate true love. 65 00:07:56,250 --> 00:08:01,340 whom since her marriage he hadn't dared touching even in his dreams. 66 00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:04,410 - Excuse me if I have my back to you. - I must blindfold you. 67 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,070 - Pardon. - Easy. 68 00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,430 - Can you see? - No! 69 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,660 It was a truly monstrous occasion... 70 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,140 Three days in Monte Carlo to watch Semenzara gamble. 71 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,880 and if the escort was suspected of bringing good luck... 72 00:08:22,990 --> 00:08:25,060 he would have been sorted for life! 73 00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:30,570 Sweet Heart of Jesus, source of love and mercy... 74 00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:33,730 Kyrie Eleison, Christi Eleision... 75 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,040 Virgin Mary of the Snow, Saint... 76 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:37,480 Silence! 77 00:08:38,180 --> 00:08:39,260 Who's praying? 78 00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:44,790 Thank you. 79 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,750 ID 7829/bis. 80 00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:12,870 Fantozzi was mistakenly declared dead for over 4 hours! 81 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:17,280 - Congratulation accountant Fantozzi! - Well done "pumpkin"! 82 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,220 Three cheers for accountant Fantozzi! 83 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:23,260 Hip, hip, hip, hurray! Hip, hip, hip, hurray! 84 00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:27,010 Congratulations! 85 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,160 Thank you! Thank you! Drinks are on me. 86 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,740 At least thank me. 87 00:09:32,060 --> 00:09:32,780 For what? 88 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:36,630 It's all thanks to my lady, Silvani-Calboni. 89 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,650 Let's say that I've been your lucky charm, Fantozzi. 90 00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:43,450 Let me repay you. A drink? 91 00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:48,410 No, thank you. In return, do me a favour. Come, come. 92 00:09:48,790 --> 00:09:50,020 Yes, where? 93 00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:53,160 Lucky bastard! Makes me sick! 94 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,390 - He has been kissed by Fortune. - I hate him! 95 00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:59,130 Here! 96 00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:01,080 Do you want me to change it? 97 00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:05,150 No, Fantozzi. Play Roulette... 98 00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,260 ...for me. 99 00:10:08,380 --> 00:10:11,850 Yes but, is your husband OK with that? I mean, does he know? 100 00:10:11,950 --> 00:10:14,810 We are a modern couple. Open-minded. 101 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,700 Bet it on number 27, Fantozzi. 102 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,810 Yes. 103 00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:21,450 When you feel inspired. 104 00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:26,810 27, just like my age. 105 00:10:29,570 --> 00:10:34,700 To think that I would have played number 14 at the most, or even 4. 106 00:10:36,050 --> 00:10:37,700 Goodbye Pina! Goodbye Mariangela! 107 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,260 Here's the trai... trai... train. 108 00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:47,900 I must admit we are quite early. 109 00:10:48,070 --> 00:10:51,230 The train for Montecarlo was scheduled at 11:37 PM. 110 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,060 Fantozzi showed up on the platfom at 4:12 PM. 111 00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:56,800 7 hours earlier! 112 00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,820 Mrs. Pina and Mariangela were there... 113 00:10:59,230 --> 00:11:01,550 to witness his triumphant departure. 114 00:11:04,710 --> 00:11:06,900 THERE HE IS! The Earl-Duke. 115 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,790 Good evening, Sir! 116 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,890 Make room! Clear the way for the Earl-Duke. 117 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,100 Clear the way for Earl-Duke Semenzara! 118 00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:20,920 Sir Earl-Duke, allow me the honor to present you... 119 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:25,520 Who are those two jinxes? Who do you want present me? 120 00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:32,270 Nobody! I want to present my humble apologies if I accidentally touched your elbow. 121 00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:34,540 So you have no relation with those two things? 122 00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:38,100 Absolutely not! Never seen them in my life! 123 00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:40,770 - Don't look at them! - I won't! 124 00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:42,670 - Touch balls for luck. - I will! 125 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,120 I hope they are not on our train. 126 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:47,800 No, I don't think so. 127 00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:55,010 I think they are leaving. Yes, they are. 128 00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:57,350 They are leaving. 129 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,390 That's it, they're gone. 130 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,370 - Thank goodness! - Indeed, indeed! 131 00:12:05,270 --> 00:12:07,880 Excuse me, I get my... 132 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,560 They even had a purple suitcase, the colour of bad luck! 133 00:12:13,830 --> 00:12:16,110 By the way, don't you have any luggage? 134 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,140 No! No, I don't. 135 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:21,380 Not even a small suitcase? 136 00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:25,080 I had a nice big suitcase, full of stuff... 137 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,630 but I don't bring it to stations... 138 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:29,590 too many thieves around. 139 00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:34,200 But I'm wearing everything: 5 shirts, 12 pairs of pants... 140 00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:35,390 and 16 pairs of socks. 141 00:12:36,030 --> 00:12:37,760 Very well. Here comes the train. 142 00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,490 Please let me, Earl-Duke! 143 00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:42,770 Halt! Just a moment! 144 00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:47,250 - What is this about? - He's mine, keep your hands off! 145 00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:49,640 The Earl-Duke is mine! 146 00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,170 I'll take the seats! 147 00:12:53,210 --> 00:12:55,740 Taken, taken, taken, taken, taken, taken! 148 00:12:57,050 --> 00:12:59,450 It's all taken! The whole car! 149 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:02,300 Young man, have you ever been on a sleeping car before? 150 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,850 No, sorry... I admit it. 151 00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:11,670 I have reserved room 18. 152 00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,200 18?! 153 00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:15,850 Sir Earl... 154 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:18,720 Come, Earl-Duke. Room 18. 155 00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:20,680 Come, come! At your disposal. 156 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,470 A little shine here. 157 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,490 What the heck are you doing? 158 00:13:25,060 --> 00:13:27,740 Here I think we have... 159 00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:29,100 ... the bidét. 160 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,520 What? 161 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:31,650 What is this then? 162 00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:37,260 - Did you hurt yourself? - It's nothing, nothing... 163 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,990 I only lost the use of the first two phalanxes 164 00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:43,900 of the pinky and the ring-finger. Excuse me while I retrieve my hand. 165 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:52,780 And here is your glass for drinking. 166 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,180 - Bah! - No, what is it? 167 00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:58,680 No, of course! This is your noble chamber pot. 168 00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:01,030 May I undress you, Sir Earl-Duke? 169 00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:03,180 No, no, no! Go to your room. 170 00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:06,390 But I don't have a room. In order to avoid economical burden to the Company... 171 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,200 I dared booking in 2nd Class since 3rd Class has been abolished. 172 00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:12,820 If regulation allows it, I could sleep... 173 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,140 crouched here. 174 00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,940 It's not allowed, it's not allowed! 175 00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:19,260 Well, then if you allow me I'll retire to my car. 176 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,310 Go to 2nd Class, I'm sure you'll find it very comfortable. 177 00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:26,930 Goodnight. 178 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:37,470 Tickets please. Tickets. 179 00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,770 I hope you slept well, young man. 180 00:14:45,870 --> 00:14:48,610 I spent a sleepless night on that bloody train. 181 00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:51,810 - I was right on the wheels. - I slept very well. 182 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,360 - Good evening! - Hi there! 183 00:14:53,730 --> 00:14:57,470 The Earl-Duke, like any other gambler... 184 00:14:57,510 --> 00:15:01,430 was a victim of superstition and odd rituals. 185 00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:04,220 Ah-Weh-Wee, good luck come to me. 186 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,260 Wee-Weh-Weir, good luck cometh here. 187 00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:10,060 Ah-Weh-Wim, good luck is not with him. 188 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:14,630 Sorry. 189 00:15:15,510 --> 00:15:16,730 Chips! 190 00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:24,810 Wait, I wasn't placing a bet. 191 00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:29,390 Here, Duke! Sir Earl-Duke. 192 00:15:31,090 --> 00:15:32,170 Sit down! 193 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:39,120 Excuse me, Sir Earl-Duke, but there is no chair. 194 00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:41,420 - Sit down anyway! - Alright then. 195 00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:44,170 Here, done. 196 00:15:44,340 --> 00:15:45,570 And touch my buttocks! 197 00:15:46,610 --> 00:15:48,880 Excuse me... but how? 198 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,470 Put your hand under it. Come on! 199 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,870 Nine! 200 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:21,920 What happened? 201 00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:24,390 My foot was under yours, Sir Earl-Duke. 202 00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:27,560 Put your foot back under mine. Don't interrupt the flow. 203 00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:29,820 Everything must remain the same. 204 00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:32,260 - And keep touching my buttocks. - Touching the... 205 00:16:32,260 --> 00:16:33,480 ...buttocks, yes. 206 00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:35,380 Un millón. 207 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,610 Eight! 208 00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,520 A horrible but short-lasting suffering... 209 00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:57,060 because within two rounds, Semenzara lost everything... 210 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,070 and went under for 48 lbs of chips. 211 00:17:07,490 --> 00:17:09,420 And you... stop touching my ARSE! 212 00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:25,350 Around 3 AM, the Earl-Duke got damn lucky... 213 00:17:25,350 --> 00:17:27,730 banking big time. 214 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,150 What are you doing there? 215 00:17:32,850 --> 00:17:35,550 Me? I dared drinking a sip of mineral water. 216 00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:38,560 Good, good! Keep on drinking! 217 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:43,030 Valet, bring 25 more bottles of mineral water... 218 00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:44,060 ...of that brand. 219 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,850 It was the infamous Bertier water. 220 00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:49,050 The most fizzy on Earth. 221 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:51,810 Nine! 222 00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:54,930 Keep drinking! Keep drinking! 223 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:56,380 Sorry. 224 00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:12,740 - What's your rank in the Company? - Me? 12th level, the lowest. 225 00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:14,700 You're promoted to 11th level. 226 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:19,180 11th? Entitled to personal desk and imitation suede armchair! 227 00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:21,170 Yes, of course. But keep drinking! 228 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:27,180 In the next 2 hours Fantozzi drank 4 crates of Bertier water... 229 00:18:27,430 --> 00:18:30,210 The equivalent of 4 cubic yards of compressed air. 230 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,930 Therefore he had to anchor himself like a weather balloon. 231 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,270 No, no. Give me the chair. 232 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,010 - Give me the chair! - Stay calm. 233 00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:54,510 It may fall and hurt somebody. 234 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,560 The chair belongs to the Casino. You may go. 235 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,730 On the other hand, during those 2 hours... 236 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:04,300 he climbed nearly to the top of the Company's org chart... 237 00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:06,220 even three steps at a time... 238 00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:07,620 Employee of 7th level: 239 00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:10,890 mahogany desk, imitation-suede armchair... 240 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,780 telephone and ficus tree, the symbol of Power! 241 00:19:13,870 --> 00:19:17,900 Employee of 5th level: opaline desk lamp, glass top... 242 00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:21,400 Yugoslavian naïve art on the wall, two ficus plants. 243 00:19:21,590 --> 00:19:22,920 Employee of 1st level: 244 00:19:23,190 --> 00:19:26,630 four ficus plants, three telephones, dictaphone... 245 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:29,780 six naïve paintings, rug over floor carpeting. 246 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,530 He was on the threshold of presidency... 247 00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:35,200 meaning: private ficus greenhouse... 248 00:19:35,590 --> 00:19:37,510 and human leather armchair... 249 00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:42,120 when luck turned its back on Semenzara. 250 00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:07,720 You ruined me, jinx! 251 00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,320 Go away! Get lost... 252 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,700 ...before I sack you! Nothing but a jinx! 253 00:20:40,010 --> 00:20:42,970 Hey, hey, hey! Put down the ash tray! 254 00:20:43,010 --> 00:20:45,930 It belongs to the Casino! Where are you going? Bring it back! 255 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,660 Pardon me! 256 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,630 "Bet it on number 27 when you feel inspired" 257 00:21:25,650 --> 00:21:28,650 "27, just like my age". 258 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,370 "Daddy, will you bring me back a gift?". 259 00:21:36,990 --> 00:21:41,130 Excuse me, I put it here! 20,000 Liras on number 27. 260 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,570 27, red and even (in French) 261 00:22:02,570 --> 00:22:04,560 Here! 262 00:22:05,610 --> 00:22:07,750 - Excuse me! - Whose money is this? (in French) 263 00:22:08,170 --> 00:22:09,490 It's mine! (in French) 264 00:22:12,060 --> 00:22:17,830 Yes, of course. Oui, it's Earl-Duke's money. 265 00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:22,570 I would never dare playing sir, let alone win. 266 00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:27,900 Excuse me, how much would the winning be? 267 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:30,230 - 700,000 Liras. - Ah, nice! 268 00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:35,170 With that dirty money 269 00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:38,300 Semenzara paid the Grand Hotel suite... 270 00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:42,820 some extras, two whores and the return trip. 271 00:22:43,660 --> 00:22:47,110 Fantozzi instead had to find other ways. 272 00:22:55,660 --> 00:22:57,840 Poor Ugo, what happened to you? 273 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,910 You are all frozen. 274 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,140 You can't even speak. 275 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,780 I'll fix you up with old remedies... 276 00:23:09,060 --> 00:23:10,880 like flax seed soups. 277 00:23:11,810 --> 00:23:14,380 - Are you happy? - (No, no!) - Hold on, I'll be right back... 278 00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:22,680 Here it is, just mildly warm! 279 00:23:22,780 --> 00:23:25,560 I'll get you an even warmer one soon. 280 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,900 At that temperature, Fantozzi always had mystical raptures. 281 00:23:48,950 --> 00:23:55,290 This time Archangel Gabriel appeared to him announcing the forthcoming pregnancy. 282 00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:19,060 Hunting season opening! 283 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,610 This year, overwhelmed by the relentless Filini who was... 284 00:24:22,710 --> 00:24:25,000 always frantically pushing for new tragic initiatives... 285 00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:27,580 even Fantozzi decided to join in. 286 00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:30,020 Filini's outfit: 287 00:24:30,030 --> 00:24:33,330 Sherlock Holmes cap with Robin Hood-style feather... 288 00:24:33,850 --> 00:24:39,130 his rich auntie's Argentinian poncho, tennis shoes with galoshes... 289 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,630 topographic maps... 290 00:24:40,620 --> 00:24:43,090 and Calabrian bandit blunderbuss. 291 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:44,370 Fantozzi's: 292 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,540 white beach hat belonging to his daughter Mariangela... 293 00:24:47,950 --> 00:24:51,020 Pitiful ordinary jacket, fastened on the hips... 294 00:24:51,010 --> 00:24:55,230 by a massive machine gun cartridge belt, a WW2 surplus. 295 00:24:55,230 --> 00:24:59,050 A sling, viper's poison antidote around his neck... 296 00:24:59,050 --> 00:25:03,110 a bird cage containing a decoy canary and a retreiver stray cat... 297 00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:05,800 which unfortunately had escaped during departure operations. 298 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,160 How wonderful! 299 00:25:09,690 --> 00:25:11,960 This is Heaven on Earth! 300 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,530 Take deep breaths! What a pity though. 301 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,330 What is? 302 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,610 A pity you didn't bring your Barbary ape along. 303 00:25:18,780 --> 00:25:21,290 - Barbary? - I meant Barbara, your baboon... 304 00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:23,920 ahem... I mean, your baby. 305 00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:27,190 - Ah, my daughter, Mariangela! - Yes, of course. 306 00:25:27,260 --> 00:25:30,200 Imagine how much fun for her jumping between trees. 307 00:25:30,210 --> 00:25:32,780 - Jumping between trees? - I meant, between meadows! 308 00:25:32,770 --> 00:25:34,820 We're really away from everything, where are we? 309 00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:37,200 We are exactly here, you see? 310 00:25:37,420 --> 00:25:40,170 - Ahem, I can't see... - You see it? Here. 311 00:25:40,570 --> 00:25:44,820 I can't see, the feather is perforating my cornea. 312 00:25:44,820 --> 00:25:47,140 Look, here's that hill I told you about. 313 00:25:47,150 --> 00:25:50,710 Practically no man has ever set foot on it. 314 00:25:50,710 --> 00:25:53,340 A spot that NO-BO-DY knows! 315 00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:59,680 620 hunters in 150 square feet! 316 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,530 My catch! Mine! I've seen it first. 317 00:26:29,550 --> 00:26:32,080 Mine! Whatever it is, it's mine! 318 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:35,900 It was Sir Margheriti from the Council Housing Institute. 319 00:26:36,270 --> 00:26:39,650 Former Pipit whistle-calling regional champion. 320 00:26:39,820 --> 00:26:41,280 It's mine I said, leave it! 321 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,050 Six minutes later, Engineer Carletti... 322 00:26:49,060 --> 00:26:52,520 also known as "Harelip" due to a congenital deformity of his upper lip... 323 00:26:52,970 --> 00:26:57,190 realized that he was being insistently watched. 324 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,450 You're not human... you're a hyena! 325 00:27:11,690 --> 00:27:14,110 A hyena? Yeah, a hyena indeed... 326 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:16,780 and a beautiful specimen too! 327 00:27:30,210 --> 00:27:33,950 Let's not get confused. We'll split up in two groups. 328 00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:36,910 Let's see... married men upstream and bachelors downstream. 329 00:27:37,300 --> 00:27:39,340 Yeah Let's go! 330 00:27:42,590 --> 00:27:43,780 Any photographers around? 331 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,030 Keep your hands off! 332 00:27:58,550 --> 00:28:00,420 Excuse me but the rifle is mine, you have your sling! 333 00:28:01,060 --> 00:28:02,070 Don't you have your sling? 334 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,730 Excuse me but we're the only ones who haven't shot once yet. 335 00:28:06,220 --> 00:28:07,800 What seems to be the problem? 336 00:28:08,150 --> 00:28:09,070 What's the problem? 337 00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:10,000 Good morning, sir. 338 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,180 I haven't... He hasn't... We haven't shot anything yet. 339 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:14,430 Let me see... 340 00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:15,600 - Are you expert at this? - A little. 341 00:28:15,710 --> 00:28:19,340 - Can you see what's wrong with it? - Well, obviously! It's completely unloaded! 342 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:27,930 Excuse me accountant, have you brushed against the trigger by any chance? 343 00:28:28,190 --> 00:28:29,050 I don't recall... 344 00:28:29,570 --> 00:28:32,390 Do you mind if I leave this here and I take yours? 345 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,550 Well then, have a nice day and happy hunting! 346 00:28:37,380 --> 00:28:39,550 See you. Take care! 347 00:28:40,250 --> 00:28:44,330 The wealthy ones made use of armoured vehicles and tanks along with orderlies. 348 00:28:45,750 --> 00:28:47,830 Great shot, Marquis! 349 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,420 A megalomaniac even hired a bomber aircraft! 350 00:29:10,540 --> 00:29:15,130 For a perfect sling shot: take the aim... 351 00:29:15,130 --> 00:29:19,070 placing your target at the center of the fork... 352 00:29:19,070 --> 00:29:22,940 stretch the extensor up to ear level... 353 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,020 and then LET G-! 354 00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:40,110 The have-nots fought back with the not-less-effective guerrilla tactics. 355 00:29:50,250 --> 00:29:52,900 Help! Help me, please! 356 00:30:03,130 --> 00:30:07,110 I bagged a nice gun myself. See? 357 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:08,830 How marvellous! 358 00:30:09,460 --> 00:30:13,900 No more sling now. I can shoot too! 359 00:30:18,230 --> 00:30:19,980 Accountant, are you feeling alright? 360 00:30:20,950 --> 00:30:24,460 Absolutely... It's only... a little... 361 00:30:25,050 --> 00:30:27,400 I need a urologist, quick! 362 00:30:32,350 --> 00:30:37,110 Look, in exchange for two left earlobes I may offer you the right index finger... 363 00:30:37,970 --> 00:30:39,780 - from a lawyer. - Nail included? 364 00:30:39,850 --> 00:30:43,890 - Yes, it's complete. Look how nice it is. - Morning... 365 00:30:44,970 --> 00:30:46,660 - Excuse me, have you got a light? - Morning sir. 366 00:30:46,810 --> 00:30:48,530 Morning, how are you doing? 367 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,520 So and so, I have like a heartburn. 368 00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:57,040 - Must be stress-related. - Must be. 369 00:30:58,540 --> 00:31:01,390 Sometimes the stress... 370 00:31:02,050 --> 00:31:04,720 By the way, accountant, where is your gun? 371 00:31:04,830 --> 00:31:06,940 My gun? I always keep it h---! 372 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,560 Come on, come on! Be a man! 373 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,390 Come on accountant, throw one too! 374 00:31:33,930 --> 00:31:36,840 The bomb is in his sleeve! Bomb in the sleeve! Run! 375 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:53,810 Let's go! 376 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,520 Accountant, have you found it? 377 00:31:57,850 --> 00:31:59,820 How do you feel? 378 00:32:00,570 --> 00:32:01,650 - Great. - Good! 379 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:14,410 Hostilities ceased at dusk. 380 00:32:15,030 --> 00:32:19,160 Everyone returned home with their quarries and trophies... 381 00:32:19,170 --> 00:32:22,350 just in time to watch the football results. 382 00:32:23,060 --> 00:32:25,550 Next sunday we'll kick their arses. 383 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:29,720 We can't. We have that company trip to Genova for the launch of their new boat. 384 00:32:30,110 --> 00:32:32,870 - You can't miss it! - But I have a commitment with my brother-in-law... 385 00:32:33,180 --> 00:32:36,670 I already enlisted you. Speaking of which... you owe me 5,000 Liras. 386 00:32:55,870 --> 00:33:00,350 The godmother of the christening was Countess Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare... 387 00:33:00,950 --> 00:33:02,910 great shareholder of the Company. 388 00:33:07,870 --> 00:33:09,520 Hurray! Hurray! 389 00:33:10,310 --> 00:33:12,790 - Hurray! - Hurray! 390 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,550 Here Countess. It's your moment. 391 00:33:28,990 --> 00:33:32,810 From 35 yards she goes, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 392 00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:41,490 Master of Ceremonies, may I launch? 393 00:33:42,070 --> 00:33:43,550 Launch, Countess, launch! 394 00:33:57,230 --> 00:33:58,830 - Here Countess. - Another bottle? 395 00:33:58,990 --> 00:34:00,050 Yes, please! 396 00:34:02,010 --> 00:34:06,250 From 50 yards she goes again, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 397 00:34:09,780 --> 00:34:13,190 Master of Ceremonies, may I retry? 398 00:34:13,310 --> 00:34:15,680 Retry, Countess! But more to the center. 399 00:34:25,670 --> 00:34:30,890 Fantozzi this time awaited the end of the ceremony in the water. 400 00:34:34,370 --> 00:34:38,240 Master of Ceremonies, may I re-retry? 401 00:34:38,380 --> 00:34:42,030 Re-retry, Countess! But a bit more to the right! 402 00:34:43,660 --> 00:34:45,600 He was followed in the water by: 403 00:34:45,830 --> 00:34:47,350 Mayor with tricolor sash... 404 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,550 Merchant Navy Minister... 405 00:34:52,990 --> 00:34:57,400 102 years-old Baroness Filiguelli de Bonchamp, the Company's mascot. 406 00:34:57,410 --> 00:35:02,300 All other authorities were covertly launched later. 407 00:35:05,550 --> 00:35:10,260 When all the Champagne had run out, it was decided that the ritual would be changed: 408 00:35:12,740 --> 00:35:18,360 A metal wire would be cut, automatically starting the launch. 409 00:35:18,550 --> 00:35:23,560 From 83 yards she goes once again, Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare! 410 00:35:24,490 --> 00:35:26,100 Go Countess, go! 411 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:31,020 I cut... in the name of God! 412 00:35:32,230 --> 00:35:35,380 Archbishop's pinky with pastoral ring! 413 00:35:35,820 --> 00:35:38,330 Damn that whore of the Virgin M... 414 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:54,130 The ship was launched in late afternoon when the Cardinal's murderous frenzy had eased. 415 00:35:56,400 --> 00:36:00,960 At night, the celebration continued with a great party at the... 416 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,650 Serbelloni Mazzanti Viendalmare's mansion. 417 00:36:03,850 --> 00:36:06,990 Aside from the usual Princes and other Mighties... 418 00:36:06,990 --> 00:36:09,640 the invitation was extended to all the employees... 419 00:36:09,650 --> 00:36:14,380 even to the most humble ones, in light of the upcoming Union contracts. 420 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:18,680 It's a Brandebourg Dane. Look, Archduchess. 421 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,240 It scares me a bit though. 422 00:36:24,070 --> 00:36:29,260 Fantozzi and Filini showed up with two terrible rented tailcoats. 423 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:34,330 Filini looked like an amputee. Fantozzi was basically in Bermuda shorts! 424 00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:40,420 What's there? A calf? 425 00:36:40,530 --> 00:36:42,480 No, no, no! It's a horse! 426 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:46,070 - It would be a... pooch. - A pooch? 427 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,950 A little on the big side maybe. A 2-tons pooch. 428 00:36:50,860 --> 00:36:55,150 - It's staring at us. It looks very humane though. - Really? 429 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:56,630 You see? It's purring. 430 00:36:58,060 --> 00:36:59,200 Excuse me. 431 00:37:00,060 --> 00:37:02,980 Excuse me Doc, we have valid invitations. 432 00:37:03,020 --> 00:37:06,360 If you would gently move the paw, we may join the party. 433 00:37:18,750 --> 00:37:21,900 Where are Filini and Fantozzi? I haven't seen them. 434 00:37:22,220 --> 00:37:23,830 Maybe they weren't invited. 435 00:37:23,940 --> 00:37:26,310 Impossible! Everyone has been invited! 436 00:37:26,300 --> 00:37:30,920 Even the delivery boys! Even the pen-pushers, everyone! 437 00:37:30,930 --> 00:37:32,560 - Very well, very well. - Why, is anyone missing? 438 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:37,280 Only two boors, Mrs. Countess. They think it's chic to be late. 439 00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:40,400 - Don't worry about them Mrs. Countess. - Oh, I do worry very much... 440 00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:44,060 I'm worried sick about two dear employees that are still missing. 441 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,480 - Help! - Help, please! 442 00:37:47,310 --> 00:37:51,030 - Help! - Countess, help! 443 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,200 Watch it, be careful! 444 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,490 It was humane, you said! 445 00:37:56,930 --> 00:37:58,780 It was purring, you said! 446 00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:01,580 I admit I was wrong. 447 00:38:01,730 --> 00:38:02,670 Stay, Fido! 448 00:38:03,420 --> 00:38:04,930 Try with Foofy! 449 00:38:05,230 --> 00:38:06,280 Stay, Foofy! 450 00:38:07,020 --> 00:38:08,140 Try with Boby! 451 00:38:08,150 --> 00:38:09,140 Stay, Boby! 452 00:38:11,130 --> 00:38:11,750 Friedman! 453 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,620 -Friedman is not a dog's name! -What the hell could it be then? 454 00:38:15,820 --> 00:38:19,120 His name was "Ivan the Terrible XXXII" 455 00:38:19,230 --> 00:38:21,900 Discendant of "Ivan the Terrible I"... 456 00:38:21,910 --> 00:38:23,850 that belonged to Tsar Nicholas. 457 00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,880 Legendary paesant-hunting champion... 458 00:38:26,870 --> 00:38:32,360 executed as enemy of the people in the Red Square during the October Revolution. 459 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,000 Here we come! We are here to help. Slowly, careful now... 460 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,900 - Don't fret, dear. - Here we are! 461 00:38:39,490 --> 00:38:42,410 - No, I'll take the ladder. - Don't overstrain yourself, please. 462 00:38:46,210 --> 00:38:47,940 I'm sorry, employee! 463 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,340 So sorry, employee! Did I hurt you? 464 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,650 It's nothing! Only a compound fracture of the skull. 465 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,390 To apologize for for the unfortunate accident... 466 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,840 the Counts Serbelloni, with a clever move... 467 00:39:03,950 --> 00:39:07,300 invited Fantozzi and Filini to the table of honor. 468 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:08,930 - Take it there. - Employee! 469 00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:10,830 - It's Fantozzi. - Employee! 470 00:39:11,350 --> 00:39:14,880 Let me introduce you to some of our friends: 471 00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:19,400 Excellency, His Eminence De Vetanza. 472 00:39:19,940 --> 00:39:22,800 - Dona Miniaz De Coral. - Sorry... 473 00:39:22,900 --> 00:39:24,710 my hands are a little sweaty. 474 00:39:24,710 --> 00:39:28,610 Air Force General Ernesto Maria Lampioni. 475 00:39:29,690 --> 00:39:32,300 The young Marquise Giava delle Corte. 476 00:39:35,010 --> 00:39:37,830 You know the rules, Fantozzi! 477 00:39:37,850 --> 00:39:41,550 You know how to behave in high society, right? 478 00:39:41,590 --> 00:39:44,040 What to do, what not to do. 479 00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:47,570 - Yes, yes! - We'll see, we'll see! 480 00:39:47,570 --> 00:39:50,890 What do you mean "we'll see"? It's just that I had sweaty hands. Sorry. 481 00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:09,090 - Your shoes. - Thanks, it must be delicious... 482 00:40:12,370 --> 00:40:15,700 The cocker took them before. The pooch, you know? 483 00:40:44,110 --> 00:40:48,650 Employee! Do you know our German Ambassador... 484 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:53,590 Count Otto Von Uber Steiber? 485 00:40:53,900 --> 00:40:55,540 Heil, Hitler! Sorry! 486 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,480 You may call me just Otto. 487 00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:58,530 Please, at least Nine! 488 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,140 - Ten! - Eleven! - Twelve! 489 00:41:01,340 --> 00:41:03,010 Fantozzi got the better of it. 490 00:41:03,110 --> 00:41:04,280 Thirty "cum laude"! There! 491 00:41:11,750 --> 00:41:15,190 How tasty! Delicious! 492 00:41:20,660 --> 00:41:26,910 The glasses! A row of 5 on the right. 5 more on the left. 493 00:41:27,220 --> 00:41:29,010 Which one to drink from? 494 00:41:29,220 --> 00:41:30,600 Aren't you thirsty, employee? 495 00:41:30,810 --> 00:41:33,690 I'm slightly short on saliva. 496 00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:34,730 Then drink! 497 00:41:42,590 --> 00:41:43,470 What are you doing? 498 00:41:44,870 --> 00:41:46,790 I'm reading... I'm reading my palm... 499 00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:50,160 See? The line of fate is a little... 500 00:41:58,750 --> 00:41:59,850 What day is today? 501 00:42:00,060 --> 00:42:04,140 - Sunday! - Sunday! - You said it at the same time! 502 00:42:04,180 --> 00:42:06,270 Jinx! Let's link the pinkies! 503 00:42:07,610 --> 00:42:10,600 The middle fingers then... the ring fingers perhaps? 504 00:42:16,310 --> 00:42:20,150 THRUSH! The most difficult thing in nature! 505 00:42:57,060 --> 00:42:58,220 Cheers! 506 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,140 - Have you finished it already? - Indeed! I devoured it. 507 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:25,880 How am I doing? 508 00:43:25,930 --> 00:43:27,360 Bad, goddammit! 509 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,830 At last, a drastic decision: Thrush... whole! 510 00:43:57,780 --> 00:43:59,380 (How tasty!) 511 00:44:04,290 --> 00:44:09,720 Fantozzi's colours: red. Pompeian red. Lobster-orange. 512 00:44:10,340 --> 00:44:14,840 Violet. Funeral ornament-violet. Gloomy blue! 513 00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:19,410 At gloomy blue Fantozzi fell in a comatose state. 514 00:44:23,930 --> 00:44:27,150 Baked rice with tomatoe garnish. 515 00:44:27,460 --> 00:44:30,780 The tomatoes have this tragic peculiarity: 516 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:36,360 Cold on the outside. 18,000°F fireball on the inside! 517 00:44:36,550 --> 00:44:39,790 This... I wolf it down! 518 00:44:49,650 --> 00:44:51,270 You won't spit it here, will you? 519 00:44:51,580 --> 00:44:52,790 No, no. 520 00:44:56,440 --> 00:45:00,650 You won't spit it here, will you? You wouldn't dare, would you Fantozzi? Go out! 521 00:45:05,090 --> 00:45:07,260 Fantozzi! Maybe he knows... 522 00:45:07,470 --> 00:45:10,200 what's the name of that dumb-faced delivery boy? 523 00:46:02,410 --> 00:46:03,490 Uh, a little tomato. 524 00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,200 - Fantozzi? - Yes? 525 00:46:09,270 --> 00:46:11,000 Open your mouth and close your eyes! 526 00:46:19,180 --> 00:46:22,080 - Fantozzi! - Fantozzi! 527 00:46:24,610 --> 00:46:28,100 He had fallen right in Ivan The Terrible's clutches... 528 00:46:28,430 --> 00:46:31,430 who, after dragging him in a corner of the garden... 529 00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:36,490 began to dig a pit of unsettling proportions: 4 feet by 6! 530 00:47:18,770 --> 00:47:19,840 Pass, will you? 531 00:47:24,110 --> 00:47:27,150 They weren't the beams of an overtaking car. 532 00:47:40,750 --> 00:47:43,310 The beast besieged him for a week... 533 00:47:43,620 --> 00:47:47,400 which was obviously counted as spent holidays. 534 00:47:49,270 --> 00:47:52,620 Ugo? Is it warm enough? 535 00:47:55,710 --> 00:47:58,940 An injustice that Fantozzi could not bear... 536 00:47:58,940 --> 00:48:01,170 so much so that for the very first time... 537 00:48:01,170 --> 00:48:03,920 he pretended to be ill and used the sick leave. 538 00:48:08,350 --> 00:48:09,350 The doctor! 539 00:48:14,430 --> 00:48:17,670 Wait, don't open! Don't open! 540 00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,530 It's not the doctor. It was Mr. Bonetti, our neighbour. 541 00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,420 What happened to the Virgin Mary? 542 00:48:39,510 --> 00:48:42,400 Our neighbour Bonetti? What the hell did Bonetti want... 543 00:48:42,410 --> 00:48:44,550 ...to give me a heart attack? 544 00:48:44,810 --> 00:48:48,160 No. He had to leave unexpectedly with all his family. 545 00:48:48,170 --> 00:48:51,010 Who gives a damn if he had to leave with all his family? 546 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:55,160 He had three free tickets for the American Circus. 547 00:48:55,460 --> 00:48:58,030 Since he had to leave, he kindly gave them to us. 548 00:48:58,700 --> 00:48:59,700 Free tickets! 549 00:49:00,310 --> 00:49:02,340 He couldn't sleep all night. 550 00:49:02,660 --> 00:49:04,040 The risk was insane. 551 00:49:04,450 --> 00:49:08,930 If caught outside, the punishment was public flogging in the canteen, at the very least. 552 00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:13,800 But it was the first time in his life that Fantozzi had free tickets. 553 00:49:14,510 --> 00:49:16,450 - What is it? What's up? - I decided. 554 00:49:16,770 --> 00:49:17,740 - We're going. - Where? 555 00:49:17,740 --> 00:49:19,070 To the circus. 556 00:49:20,020 --> 00:49:21,770 - Cautiously... - Oh, Lord! 557 00:49:21,850 --> 00:49:22,670 but we will go. 558 00:49:37,910 --> 00:49:39,380 - Ugo, is that you? - Yes. 559 00:49:41,450 --> 00:49:42,500 - It's daddy! - Daddy! 560 00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:44,080 Put your scarf back on. 561 00:49:44,740 --> 00:49:46,490 Come on, let's go! 562 00:50:19,020 --> 00:50:22,080 The t-, the t-, the tickets! Oh my goodness! 563 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,090 Here they are! Luckly. 564 00:50:25,380 --> 00:50:26,580 Come, Mariangela. 565 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:35,100 And now ladies and gentlemen, our wise chimpanzees! 566 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,310 Don't pull, honey. 567 00:50:38,630 --> 00:50:41,010 Daddy! I'm over here! 568 00:50:43,310 --> 00:50:50,270 Good morning, madam. See, the dress is identical... 569 00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,700 so there was a misunderstanding. Bye and have a nice day. 570 00:50:52,860 --> 00:50:54,820 "Come on, darling". 571 00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:58,900 Come, Cheeta... ahem, Mariangela. 572 00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:05,890 Did you see Pina, how cute that monkey was? 573 00:51:06,740 --> 00:51:10,330 You know Mariangela, monkeys are really superior animals. 574 00:51:10,330 --> 00:51:16,800 Excuse me... by any chance, is it you the one who was supposed to be sick? 575 00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,730 Me? You are mistaken. 576 00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:24,000 And now comes... 577 00:51:24,030 --> 00:51:26,620 the great Hungarian performer. 578 00:51:26,910 --> 00:51:29,310 - Take this krapfen! - What are you doing here? 579 00:51:30,350 --> 00:51:31,390 Take this! 580 00:51:43,230 --> 00:51:44,360 Go get him immediately! 581 00:51:46,330 --> 00:51:47,490 Go get him! 582 00:51:48,050 --> 00:51:50,140 Look at this clown! 583 00:51:50,820 --> 00:51:52,980 How about this? 584 00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,860 And now ladies and gentlemen, our "Wild Horse". 585 00:52:29,540 --> 00:52:31,830 The great performer says goodb-argh! 586 00:52:42,540 --> 00:52:45,380 I'm accountant Ugo Fantozzi, ID 7829/bis... 587 00:52:45,790 --> 00:52:50,350 Please understand my situation! Hold me tight! My hands are swea-ahhh! 588 00:52:55,400 --> 00:52:56,440 - Ugo! - Daddy! 589 00:52:57,290 --> 00:53:00,390 So it is you! Accountant Ugo Fantozzi! 590 00:53:00,850 --> 00:53:03,910 No, no! No! I insist! No! 591 00:53:04,590 --> 00:53:05,730 It's not me. 592 00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:16,880 And now ladies and gentlemen, The most sensational part of the show... 593 00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:21,380 Mr. Super Flight. The human projectile. 594 00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:26,300 Halt! Quiet everyone! 595 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,280 Accountant Fantozzi! 596 00:53:29,820 --> 00:53:31,420 Come out! 597 00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:38,850 I know full well you're in there! Come out, I said! 598 00:53:40,830 --> 00:53:41,540 Is that so? 599 00:53:41,750 --> 00:53:42,840 I'll take care of it! 600 00:53:54,610 --> 00:53:58,470 He was found several days later in surroundings of Agrigento... 601 00:53:58,630 --> 00:54:00,520 by Archangel Saint Michael. 602 00:54:03,310 --> 00:54:07,410 The divine messenger reminded him that he was nine months pregnant... 603 00:54:07,490 --> 00:54:11,480 and recommended him to go immediately to the delivery room. 604 00:54:12,410 --> 00:54:15,790 Excuse me Doc, didn't we agree for Bethlehem? 605 00:54:17,450 --> 00:54:19,600 Well, if you say so... Alright then, nevermind. 606 00:54:28,330 --> 00:54:31,900 MATERNITY WARD 607 00:54:46,460 --> 00:54:50,340 BATTLESHIP KOTIOMKIN 608 00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,220 Many years ago, Fantozzi was hired in the Almighty Company... 609 00:54:58,410 --> 00:55:01,920 with the role of "stamping sponge". 610 00:55:06,900 --> 00:55:10,400 He succeded in the aptitude test... 611 00:55:10,570 --> 00:55:13,290 –thanks to a tip-off from a corrupted usher– 612 00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:18,450 by answering two weird questions from the President of the Board. 613 00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:26,120 Do you like German expressionist cinema? 614 00:55:27,630 --> 00:55:29,240 It's the greatest love of my life! 615 00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,490 I would like to remind the great masters: Murnau... 616 00:55:32,540 --> 00:55:33,780 and Robert Wiene... 617 00:55:33,990 --> 00:55:38,540 whom nobody could do without his masterpiece "Das cabinett... 618 00:55:38,540 --> 00:55:40,510 der Doktor Caligarisss". 619 00:55:41,300 --> 00:55:43,020 CA-LI-GA-RI! 620 00:55:44,910 --> 00:55:48,060 And who is David "Yourrrgryfth"? 621 00:55:50,970 --> 00:55:51,690 I didn't... 622 00:55:51,940 --> 00:55:54,320 - "Grifth"! - I didn't hear. 623 00:55:54,730 --> 00:55:59,380 - "Grfth"! - Griffith! The father of American cinema! 624 00:55:59,380 --> 00:56:02,400 I adore him, he's like a father to me. 625 00:56:02,580 --> 00:56:06,330 Very good, young man! You are hired! 626 00:56:09,740 --> 00:56:13,260 The powerful Professor Guidobaldo Maria Riccardelli... 627 00:56:13,260 --> 00:56:16,310 was a fanatic enthusiast of Art Cinema. 628 00:56:16,620 --> 00:56:20,810 Once a week he forced his employees and their families... 629 00:56:21,050 --> 00:56:24,000 to endure the Classics of cinema. 630 00:56:24,300 --> 00:56:27,560 In 20 years Fantozzi was made to watch over and over again: 631 00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:31,750 "Dies Irae" by Carl Theodor Dreyer, 6 hours! 632 00:56:31,860 --> 00:56:35,370 "Man of Aran" by Flaherty, 9 parts! 633 00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:38,360 But above all, the most classic of the classics... 634 00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:41,970 ..."Battleship Kotiomkin"! 18 reels... 635 00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:47,810 of which Professor Riccardelli, owned a rare private copy. 636 00:56:48,570 --> 00:56:50,560 Excuse me! What's on tonight? 637 00:56:50,570 --> 00:56:53,660 - "Battleship Kotiomkin"! - (...Again!) 638 00:56:55,110 --> 00:56:58,250 - Go! Go! - Very well. 639 00:56:58,560 --> 00:56:59,910 - "Battleship... Kotiomkin"! - Ughino, cheer up. 640 00:58:36,450 --> 00:58:38,310 Excuse me, let me pass! 641 00:58:39,620 --> 00:58:43,730 - Ugo, wake up! - Gotcha "Fantocci"! You are sleeping! 642 00:58:43,730 --> 00:58:47,270 No, Professor. It's a fainting fit! 643 00:58:47,270 --> 00:58:49,620 No, madam! He's sleeping like a turd! 644 00:58:50,110 --> 00:58:53,580 - Get up! - Is it 7:00 already? The alarm... 645 00:58:53,580 --> 00:58:56,130 - coffee, newspaper, the mail! - Ugo! 646 00:58:56,260 --> 00:58:58,500 Good morning, Professor. Is it over yet? 647 00:58:58,500 --> 00:59:01,080 - Nope, you would like that, wouldn't you, turd? - No, no, no. 648 00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:02,890 Still three parts to watch. 649 00:59:02,900 --> 00:59:04,730 Still three parts! Very good! 650 00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:06,500 And you'll watch them on your knees! 651 00:59:06,500 --> 00:59:08,290 On the knees is even better... 652 00:59:08,290 --> 00:59:14,230 - ...as you wish. - Not here. Come, follow me! 653 00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:20,270 He's a turd. That's the best way to describe him... a TURD! 654 00:59:22,130 --> 00:59:23,640 Here! On the chickpeas! 655 00:59:24,260 --> 00:59:26,590 Let's see if you fall asleep now. 656 00:59:26,790 --> 00:59:30,540 For 20 years Fantozzi had been publically humiliated... 657 00:59:30,630 --> 00:59:32,650 during and after the viewings... 658 00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:36,310 when Riccardelli opened the debate on the film. 659 00:59:37,380 --> 00:59:41,900 And now, as usual, I invite you to share your opinion. 660 00:59:42,500 --> 00:59:44,080 It's a great film! 661 00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,270 - Permission to speak! - Please. 662 00:59:47,330 --> 00:59:49,780 - It's a masterpiece! - The mother's eye! 663 00:59:49,780 --> 00:59:52,920 - ... the pram with the baby! - You, Filini? 664 00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,630 I go into raptures when I see the soldiers' boots! 665 00:59:56,630 --> 00:59:57,550 Yes? 666 00:59:57,670 --> 01:00:02,440 Tonight the "analogic" editing blew me away! 667 01:00:02,740 --> 01:00:06,000 And... and... the soldiers' boots, but above all the pram with the baby! 668 01:00:06,170 --> 01:00:08,620 Yes, of course. Yes? 669 01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:12,890 The pram with the poor baby falling down the stairs. 670 01:00:12,900 --> 01:00:15,610 Professor, couldn't we watch it again? 671 01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,160 I wish we could, my friend... but the time. 672 01:00:21,110 --> 01:00:24,640 And you, "Fantocci"! Do you only open your mouth to yawn? 673 01:00:25,060 --> 01:00:26,390 Have you got nothing to say? 674 01:00:26,430 --> 01:00:27,830 What do you have to say? 675 01:00:28,980 --> 01:00:33,230 My husband, accountant Fantozzi, is speechless. 676 01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:37,700 No Mrs. "Fantocci", your husband is a turd! 677 01:00:37,770 --> 01:00:39,540 Is he or is he not? 678 01:00:40,370 --> 01:00:41,630 Yes. 679 01:00:47,420 --> 01:00:51,790 On Saturday the 18th at 20:25, live from Wembley... 680 01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:55,080 the match England Vs. Italy, qualifying for the World Cup. 681 01:00:55,440 --> 01:00:58,300 Fantozzi had a formidable plan: 682 01:00:58,290 --> 01:01:03,130 thick socks, pants, flannel gown, tea-table at the TV... 683 01:01:03,130 --> 01:01:06,040 large onion omelette, which he loved... 684 01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,890 six-pack of cold beers, wild supporting shouting... 685 01:01:08,900 --> 01:01:10,310 and free burping! 686 01:01:11,350 --> 01:01:15,000 "We are about to go live from Wembley, broadcasting in Eurovision"... 687 01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:17,440 "the running commentary of the match"... 688 01:01:17,450 --> 01:01:20,680 "Italy Vs. England, qualifying for the World Cup". 689 01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:28,800 Ugo, look at her, doesn't she look like an angel? 690 01:01:29,790 --> 01:01:33,620 Yeah, yeah, sure! Leave me alone now, I don't want to hear a pin drop. 691 01:01:33,620 --> 01:01:36,040 Pina, the pepper! The pepper! 692 01:01:36,460 --> 01:01:39,750 Pina, also don't forget to disconnect the teleph--! 693 01:01:39,790 --> 01:01:46,040 "In a few moments we will hook up to Wembley, to broadcast in Eurovision the match"... 694 01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:49,140 "Italy Vs. England, World Cup qualifier". 695 01:01:50,080 --> 01:01:50,940 Hello? 696 01:01:52,510 --> 01:01:54,320 Oh, it's you accountant Filini! 697 01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,410 A-ha! Filini! I'm already in line. 698 01:01:57,420 --> 01:02:02,130 I'll bet against the treacherous Albion. 10 coffees to 1. Italy! Italy! 699 01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:03,300 Did you hear? 700 01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,460 What? 701 01:02:07,710 --> 01:02:11,540 OK, accountant. We shall obey. 702 01:02:11,530 --> 01:02:14,540 "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Wembley... " 703 01:02:14,540 --> 01:02:16,470 Italy! Italy! 704 01:02:16,470 --> 01:02:20,240 "...the teams are lining up for the national anthems". 705 01:02:23,700 --> 01:02:28,290 Ugo! I don't think you can watch the match tonight. 706 01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:29,410 Why? 707 01:02:29,700 --> 01:02:31,540 - We have to go out. - Who? 708 01:02:31,730 --> 01:02:33,240 Professor Riccardelli. 709 01:02:33,370 --> 01:02:33,910 No! 710 01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:40,030 Accountant Filini told me we have to go to watch... a Czechoslovak film. 711 01:02:40,070 --> 01:02:41,100 Noooooooo! 712 01:02:41,100 --> 01:02:42,910 It's subtitled in German though! 713 01:02:43,020 --> 01:02:45,590 - No! - Ugo! - Daddy! 714 01:02:46,050 --> 01:02:47,680 Ughino, don't act like this. 715 01:02:48,720 --> 01:02:53,400 "We are now at the epic moment. Italy and England will compete, in this historical match... 716 01:02:53,410 --> 01:02:56,030 "for the qualification to the World Cup finals". 717 01:02:56,480 --> 01:02:59,630 "They check the stop-watches. The referee blows the whistle"... 718 01:02:59,630 --> 01:03:00,660 It's the kick-off. 719 01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:02,650 Sorry. 720 01:03:02,690 --> 01:03:08,270 "Kick-off. Capello, Pulici, Antognoni. Antognoni sprints to the left, dodges the English defender. And again! 721 01:03:08,260 --> 01:03:11,350 - "And again. Back-heeled to Rocca". - Ugo, we're going to be late. 722 01:03:12,110 --> 01:03:15,440 "Rocca shoots. The English goalie saves it". 723 01:03:15,770 --> 01:03:19,170 "Throw in for Italy. Benetti controls and passes the ball to Pulici on the left". 724 01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:22,770 "Formidable sprint of Pulici, he blasts the ball but grazes the post!" 725 01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:27,570 "Now Bellugi on the ball. Bellugi to defender Capello". 726 01:03:27,570 --> 01:03:31,530 "He dodges McKinley who tries to bite him". 727 01:03:31,530 --> 01:03:34,750 "He kicks it and hits the English defender in the neck, Capello's shin, neck again". 728 01:03:34,750 --> 01:03:38,200 "Terrible scrum! Nose, neck, shin, neck, ear"... 729 01:03:38,210 --> 01:03:40,500 "Pulici intercepts the ball and saves it!" 730 01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:45,380 "Forgive my emotion, all of you sitting comfortably at the TV none excluded..." 731 01:03:45,380 --> 01:03:49,680 "but I hadn't seen such a start in 170 years!" 732 01:03:49,690 --> 01:03:54,620 "Tardelli holds now the ball and sprints. He eludes McKinley..." 733 01:03:55,860 --> 01:03:59,630 "To Savoldi now. Savoldi shoots and hits McKinley's neck, Savoldi's shin, Antognoni's nose". 734 01:03:59,630 --> 01:04:05,160 "Neck of the English goalie, McKinley's nose, Benetti's shin, neck, nose again." 735 01:04:09,580 --> 01:04:12,330 - Direct the aerial! - I am! 736 01:04:12,610 --> 01:04:14,790 - Ughino, calm down for Heaven's sake. - I couldn't hear. 737 01:04:24,850 --> 01:04:28,650 "Wonderful kick... but hits the goal post!" - Goal post! Goal post! 738 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:35,340 - Ugo, where are you going? - Will you return daddy? 739 01:04:35,330 --> 01:04:38,430 "The Azzurri go again. They approach the penalty area". 740 01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:43,310 "The Azzurri attack. Antognoni hops and almost climbs over McKinley". 741 01:04:44,940 --> 01:04:46,700 Excuse me! Who hit the goal post? 742 01:04:47,990 --> 01:04:49,350 "McKinley hits it!" 743 01:04:49,470 --> 01:04:52,610 "The English goalie falls dreadfully on his back". 744 01:04:53,130 --> 01:04:55,840 "The 120,000 spectators at Wembley and you, millions of lucky ones"... 745 01:04:55,840 --> 01:04:59,030 "whom nothing in the world could tear away from the TVs"... 746 01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:03,380 "can easily recognize that Italy tonight overshadows the memory"... 747 01:05:03,380 --> 01:05:07,080 "of the legendary extra time of Italy Vs Germany, in Mexico". 748 01:05:14,750 --> 01:05:16,400 Nothing? 749 01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:18,840 The tie. 750 01:05:23,910 --> 01:05:27,890 Breast pocket. Perfect! 751 01:05:29,730 --> 01:05:31,990 Very good! Thank you. 752 01:05:32,750 --> 01:05:33,720 The mouth? 753 01:05:36,670 --> 01:05:39,150 9 inches pregnant? Congratulations! 754 01:05:39,310 --> 01:05:40,820 See? How embarassing! 755 01:06:06,370 --> 01:06:10,990 Much to my regret, due to a little inconvenience... 756 01:06:11,580 --> 01:06:15,160 the print of the Czech film didn't arrive in time. 757 01:06:15,850 --> 01:06:18,440 Therefore the screening cannot take place. 758 01:06:18,450 --> 01:06:20,250 BEAT IT! 759 01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:22,780 Where are you going? Everybody freeze! 760 01:06:26,340 --> 01:06:32,780 Instead, we will project the immortal masterpiece of the great Serghei M. Einstein... 761 01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:34,570 "Battleship Kotiomkin". 762 01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:57,930 I notice a certain vibe tonight. They take interest and exchange comments. 763 01:06:57,930 --> 01:07:00,010 Yes, yes. They are involved, Professor. 764 01:07:01,490 --> 01:07:04,630 They weren't exchanging comments. In the darkness of the hall... 765 01:07:04,630 --> 01:07:07,380 unascertained and unlikely rumors were spreading. 766 01:07:07,380 --> 01:07:10,680 It was said that Italy was winning 20 to 0... 767 01:07:10,950 --> 01:07:15,170 and that even the goalkeeper Zoff had scored a head goal on corner kick. 768 01:07:26,330 --> 01:07:28,530 (Twenty-one!) 769 01:07:52,700 --> 01:07:56,180 Well, let's open our usual debate. 770 01:07:56,870 --> 01:07:58,250 Who wants to start? 771 01:07:59,970 --> 01:08:03,100 You, Filini? Calboni? 772 01:08:07,190 --> 01:08:10,910 Excuse me! May I say something? 773 01:08:11,220 --> 01:08:13,170 Ah, our dear turd! 774 01:08:13,470 --> 01:08:16,390 Come here, come here "Fantocci"! Make yourself comfortable. 775 01:08:16,540 --> 01:08:19,100 You found the words at last. 776 01:08:19,460 --> 01:08:24,580 I wonder what deep aesthetic opinion you must have developed throughout all these years. 777 01:08:24,990 --> 01:08:26,970 Please, say. 778 01:08:27,500 --> 01:08:28,540 Well? 779 01:08:29,050 --> 01:08:33,230 In my opinion, "Battleship Kotiomkin"... 780 01:08:34,210 --> 01:08:36,320 ...is an UNBELIEVABLE LOAD OF CRAP! 781 01:08:36,310 --> 01:08:38,700 HURRAY! 782 01:08:40,380 --> 01:08:41,410 Bravo! 783 01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:50,530 Bravo! Bravo! 784 01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:53,480 92 minutes-long ovation! 785 01:08:56,930 --> 01:08:59,790 You got that? TURD! 786 01:09:13,170 --> 01:09:16,190 Burn! Burn! That's your soldiers' boots! 787 01:09:17,730 --> 01:09:19,940 First of all they destroyed... 788 01:09:19,950 --> 01:09:20,160 the damned private copy of the damned "Battleship Kotiomkin". First of all they destroyed... 789 01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:23,280 the damned private copy of the damned "Battleship Kotiomkin". 790 01:09:24,230 --> 01:09:27,270 On the chickpeas! On the chickpeas! 791 01:09:30,440 --> 01:09:33,850 - Watch! - Look at your "mother's eye"... 792 01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:36,030 and the pram with the baby! 793 01:09:37,450 --> 01:09:39,600 That's your "analogic" editing! 794 01:09:40,040 --> 01:09:41,640 Halt! Enough! 795 01:09:41,860 --> 01:09:44,310 Now the projections! 796 01:09:47,810 --> 01:09:50,950 For two days and two nights nonstop, Guidobaldo Maria Riccardelli... 797 01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:55,000 was forced to watch over and over again: 798 01:09:55,090 --> 01:09:59,740 "Giovannona Long-Thigh", "The Exorcist: Italian Style" and "The Police Gets Pissed". 799 01:10:05,020 --> 01:10:07,280 - Some coffee? - Would you like some coffee? 800 01:10:10,130 --> 01:10:11,940 Stay up, turd! 801 01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:13,720 - Some coffee Ugo? - No, no. 802 01:10:14,550 --> 01:10:16,220 What a hero Fantozzi! 803 01:10:16,220 --> 01:10:21,290 Until at the beginning of the 3rd day the police got pissed for real. 804 01:10:24,950 --> 01:10:27,760 You have nowhere to run! You are surrounded. 805 01:10:28,380 --> 01:10:29,570 Surrender! 806 01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:33,150 - Never! - Never! 807 01:10:34,490 --> 01:10:38,030 Fantozzi! It's the Director of Directors speaking. 808 01:10:38,030 --> 01:10:42,310 I suggest you to free the hostage at once and give the order... 809 01:10:42,310 --> 01:10:43,550 of unconditional surrender! 810 01:10:43,650 --> 01:10:46,170 You won't have us! Understood? Never! 811 01:10:46,580 --> 01:10:48,840 Ok... maybe you will. 812 01:10:49,850 --> 01:10:51,000 Enough! 813 01:10:52,380 --> 01:10:54,880 To make up with Professor Riccardelli... 814 01:10:55,010 --> 01:10:58,660 for the irreparable loss of his precious film... 815 01:10:58,670 --> 01:11:02,110 the mutineers were condamned to a horrible punishment... 816 01:11:02,100 --> 01:11:04,040 in the style of Dante's infernal circles. 817 01:11:04,270 --> 01:11:09,220 They had to reenact the main scene from the lost masterpiece... 818 01:11:09,260 --> 01:11:13,870 every saturday afternoon until retirement. 819 01:11:14,980 --> 01:11:16,490 We may begin. 820 01:11:31,910 --> 01:11:33,160 Die, Filini! 821 01:11:35,780 --> 01:11:38,100 - Damn you! - We will get our revenge! 822 01:11:38,340 --> 01:11:39,740 The boy falls down! 823 01:11:43,150 --> 01:11:44,540 Now the mother's eye. 824 01:11:56,680 --> 01:11:57,920 Soldiers, open fire! 825 01:11:58,620 --> 01:12:00,180 Murderers! 826 01:12:00,190 --> 01:12:02,000 Go with the pram! 827 01:12:01,990 --> 01:12:04,120 - Please, push gently. - Yes, accountant. 828 01:12:04,120 --> 01:12:06,050 This is the fourth time today. 829 01:12:12,090 --> 01:12:14,430 Oh, God! Oh, mama! Oh, God! 830 01:12:21,650 --> 01:12:23,060 Very good, "Fantocci"! 831 01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:26,980 And you're so perfect, chubby like a toddler. 832 01:12:27,040 --> 01:12:29,860 Have no worries, no one will ever replace you. 833 01:12:30,190 --> 01:12:32,770 You have what they call "fisique du rol". 834 01:12:32,820 --> 01:12:34,870 Now we do it again. 835 01:12:35,110 --> 01:12:37,370 - Again? - Yes indeed, again. 836 01:12:40,100 --> 01:12:41,560 - We do it again? - Yes, again. 837 01:12:41,560 --> 01:12:43,860 Very well. Did you see the analogic editing? 838 01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:45,840 Almost better than the original. 839 01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:49,950 Let's do it again. Everyone in position! 840 01:13:05,790 --> 01:13:08,800 - Ugo! - Bye, daddy! 841 01:13:10,490 --> 01:13:14,290 One sad morning, the wife Pina and Mariangela departed... 842 01:13:14,290 --> 01:13:18,410 to attend the obsequies of a distant second cousin from Pescara. 843 01:13:20,100 --> 01:13:23,720 They left Fantozzi alone with his grief. 844 01:13:28,670 --> 01:13:31,460 For the first time, after a lifetime of conjugal slavery,... 845 01:13:31,470 --> 01:13:35,230 he was free! With the house all to himself! 846 01:13:35,440 --> 01:13:37,460 Calboni took the situation in his hands... 847 01:13:37,460 --> 01:13:40,640 and dragged him into the most despicable of cheating schemes. 848 01:13:40,660 --> 01:13:42,890 I bet you need to tell me something... 849 01:13:43,810 --> 01:13:47,480 something unpleasant and you can't pluck up the courage to tell me, is that right? 850 01:13:47,580 --> 01:13:49,310 - No... - Yes! - No... yes. 851 01:13:49,830 --> 01:13:52,920 Could it be that sir Cominetti Massela... 852 01:13:52,930 --> 01:13:55,280 wants the budget report by tomorrow morning... 853 01:13:55,270 --> 01:13:58,440 and that me, you and accountant Filini... 854 01:13:58,460 --> 01:14:01,550 need to work all night perhaps at your house, yes? 855 01:14:01,540 --> 01:14:03,840 - Yes? Yes! - Yes. 856 01:14:04,570 --> 01:14:06,700 Just tonight that I was going out... 857 01:14:06,710 --> 01:14:08,820 for dinner with my wife. 858 01:14:09,660 --> 01:14:11,830 No worries dear, if you want... 859 01:14:11,900 --> 01:14:13,410 I can come too, to keep company. 860 01:14:13,490 --> 01:14:14,250 Of course! 861 01:14:14,360 --> 01:14:16,540 - No! - Eh... no? No. 862 01:14:16,930 --> 01:14:18,060 Alright. 863 01:14:18,410 --> 01:14:20,670 - I was gonna sit... - No, it's taken. 864 01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:24,430 - Here then? - No, that's taken too. 865 01:14:26,330 --> 01:14:30,820 - All taken then? - Come on, go in the back, there's so much space. 866 01:14:30,820 --> 01:14:33,240 With your leave, Mrs... Enjoy your lunch. 867 01:14:33,410 --> 01:14:34,450 See you, Fantozzi. 868 01:14:42,360 --> 01:14:45,200 Vivi, what do you say then? You can't? Ok. 869 01:14:45,900 --> 01:14:49,160 The rendevouz had been set for 9:30 PM at the telephone booth... 870 01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:50,320 in Garibaldi Avenue. 871 01:14:50,730 --> 01:14:53,830 Once there, Calboni made 126 calls... 872 01:14:53,930 --> 01:14:56,510 to such many unknown citizens... 873 01:14:56,500 --> 01:14:59,200 pretending to speak with starlets and models. 874 01:15:00,340 --> 01:15:03,440 Hello, Zizi. You recognized me? 875 01:15:03,650 --> 01:15:06,390 Yes, yes. I've got two friends with me. 876 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:10,310 Middle-aged. 877 01:15:10,560 --> 01:15:14,090 One of them is short and fat. The other is slim but short-sighted. 878 01:15:14,380 --> 01:15:17,000 Thick glasses. Owl-like, you know? 879 01:15:17,980 --> 01:15:20,300 What? Ah, I understand. 880 01:15:20,980 --> 01:15:24,170 OK, bye Zizi. 881 01:15:24,980 --> 01:15:26,360 This one is busy too? 882 01:15:26,480 --> 01:15:29,000 Not at all, they would have all come... 883 01:15:29,100 --> 01:15:31,090 but they all find an excuse after I describe you. 884 01:15:31,320 --> 01:15:33,130 Well, obviously! You describe us like that... 885 01:15:33,340 --> 01:15:34,870 "Owl-like" you say! 886 01:15:35,020 --> 01:15:37,270 I can't damage my reputation. 887 01:15:37,300 --> 01:15:39,090 I can't swindle people. 888 01:15:39,470 --> 01:15:42,920 Excuse me Calboni, can't you just describe us less sensationally... 889 01:15:42,930 --> 01:15:46,030 - ... to the next one? - There's no next one, Zizi was the last one. 890 01:15:47,080 --> 01:15:50,730 - Careful now, an accident could happen. 891 01:15:53,030 --> 01:15:53,810 Hey! 892 01:15:58,050 --> 01:16:00,060 My girls are finished. What about yours? 893 01:16:00,110 --> 01:16:01,880 - No, no, no, wait a moment. 894 01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:06,570 - We agreed that accountant Fantozzi shares... - Oh my God! 895 01:16:06,560 --> 01:16:09,590 - What's up with you "pumpkin"? - I lost...! I lost...! 896 01:16:09,650 --> 01:16:13,430 My God! I lost my money! 897 01:16:13,840 --> 01:16:14,990 My savings. 898 01:16:16,150 --> 01:16:18,890 So we said: accountant Fantozzi shares his house, 899 01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:22,220 I brought the liquor, the rest is up to you. 900 01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:25,050 OK, OK! Let's see a moment. 901 01:16:25,730 --> 01:16:28,440 What an idiot! Why didn't I think of it before? 902 01:16:29,330 --> 01:16:31,350 - Who? - The Hippo! 903 01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:34,750 Is that a girl who's a little too... 904 01:16:35,360 --> 01:16:36,450 No, it's a club! 905 01:16:36,700 --> 01:16:41,250 A club attended by many lonely women seeking for some companionship. 906 01:16:41,340 --> 01:16:42,850 Let's go! Taxi! 907 01:16:42,900 --> 01:16:45,180 - Which ones are the first three? - Why taking three taxis? 908 01:16:45,180 --> 01:16:47,590 One each, of course. You only live once, right? 909 01:16:47,580 --> 01:16:48,550 Taxi! 910 01:16:54,820 --> 01:16:55,670 Hi, doll. 911 01:16:58,570 --> 01:17:00,390 My apologies, doll... ahem, madam. 912 01:17:01,290 --> 01:17:03,490 - Is it busy tonight? - You're the first customers. 913 01:17:04,220 --> 01:17:08,780 She meant that they were the first customers in three months! 914 01:17:09,740 --> 01:17:12,400 - Someone's coming. - Come on girls, get up! 915 01:17:23,840 --> 01:17:26,140 These are all women from the upper middle-class aristocracy. 916 01:17:26,290 --> 01:17:28,270 There are even some big names. 917 01:17:28,650 --> 01:17:29,650 No, I don't know them. 918 01:17:29,740 --> 01:17:32,920 Incognito is the rule here though. 919 01:17:33,330 --> 01:17:37,640 No names, only telephone numbers. People choose and phone each other... 920 01:17:38,000 --> 01:17:39,360 An aperitif, gentlemen? 921 01:17:40,970 --> 01:17:42,040 Would you like to drink something? 922 01:17:42,350 --> 01:17:43,860 Oh, yes! 923 01:17:43,910 --> 01:17:46,380 We brought a bottle of "Prunella Ballor". 924 01:17:47,310 --> 01:17:50,510 What's wrong with you? We're bringing home-food now? 925 01:17:51,480 --> 01:17:53,610 We will have three "Scotch-s", thank you. 926 01:17:54,850 --> 01:17:55,930 What are we having, Calboni? 927 01:17:55,940 --> 01:17:56,990 Three "Scot-ch-s". 928 01:17:57,190 --> 01:17:58,280 In the meanwhile, I'll go for it. 929 01:17:58,370 --> 01:17:59,450 "Scot-ch". 930 01:18:02,350 --> 01:18:03,020 Yes? 931 01:18:03,460 --> 01:18:07,440 Miss 10, would you meet me, let's say... 932 01:18:07,440 --> 01:18:11,610 on the dance floor in... let's say, 5 seconds? 933 01:18:11,630 --> 01:18:13,190 - OK. - See you soon. 934 01:18:14,980 --> 01:18:17,860 See? Come on, give it a try. 935 01:18:20,370 --> 01:18:24,490 Thank you, Countess. Thank you, dear. You're looking beautiful. 936 01:18:25,130 --> 01:18:27,220 Come on, choose. 937 01:18:27,290 --> 01:18:28,720 - Me? - Yes. 938 01:18:30,210 --> 01:18:34,030 Filini, number 3 is looking at us. 939 01:18:34,420 --> 01:18:37,230 So is number 12... and number 7... 940 01:18:38,330 --> 01:18:39,550 even number 1! 941 01:18:41,180 --> 01:18:42,150 - and number 5 too! - and number 5 too! 942 01:18:42,870 --> 01:18:45,860 Accountant... they are all looking at us. 943 01:18:46,010 --> 01:18:48,010 Accountant, say a number. 944 01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:49,440 - Me? - Yes. 945 01:18:49,690 --> 01:18:51,500 Ahem... 180! 946 01:18:51,700 --> 01:18:54,320 Don't exaggerate, they are only 12. 947 01:18:56,450 --> 01:18:58,900 Well, I like number 5. 948 01:18:59,070 --> 01:19:01,610 Goodness! I also liked number 5. 949 01:19:01,610 --> 01:19:04,150 - I'll leave her to you. - No, no, no, she's yours! 950 01:19:04,160 --> 01:19:06,430 No, please! Dial. 951 01:19:10,060 --> 01:19:12,090 - Don't sweat. - My palms are a bit sweaty. 952 01:19:12,470 --> 01:19:15,450 Here. I'll dial it for you. 953 01:19:17,990 --> 01:19:20,790 - Hello? - Hello? Who's speaking? 954 01:19:20,900 --> 01:19:23,450 - It's Olga, darling. - This is not Cometti's residence? 955 01:19:24,040 --> 01:19:26,040 Sorry, wrong number. 956 01:19:26,190 --> 01:19:28,590 - Wrong number, right. - It's your turn now. 957 01:19:29,170 --> 01:19:30,410 I'll give it a go. 958 01:19:30,500 --> 01:19:31,990 You called me, darling? 959 01:19:32,910 --> 01:19:34,940 - Hello. Did you call the lady? - To be honest I... 960 01:19:34,990 --> 01:19:38,770 So why did you call? Do you mind if I sit? 961 01:19:39,350 --> 01:19:43,500 - Must be a wire contact... - Do you mind if I bring a friend? 962 01:19:43,740 --> 01:19:47,510 - Do you mind if I order Champagne? - Of course not! Waiter, take away this junk. 963 01:19:47,510 --> 01:19:49,540 Away, away! Garçon, Champagne! 964 01:19:51,350 --> 01:19:53,200 They did everything that could be done... 965 01:19:53,210 --> 01:19:55,150 to get robbed in a night club. 966 01:19:55,740 --> 01:19:58,670 Two crates of Dom Perignon made with baking soda. 967 01:20:01,620 --> 01:20:03,610 Midnight flambé dinner. 968 01:20:07,730 --> 01:20:09,720 Tragic souvenir photos of the night. 969 01:20:10,030 --> 01:20:12,360 Calboni ordered 40 copies. 970 01:20:13,560 --> 01:20:17,470 Plus three monstrous plush toys gifted to the ladies. 971 01:20:19,540 --> 01:20:22,330 Gypsy violins on the dance floor. 972 01:20:23,190 --> 01:20:24,030 If only I could have... 973 01:20:25,370 --> 01:20:26,410 the opportunity... 974 01:20:28,710 --> 01:20:29,760 to find... 975 01:20:31,420 --> 01:20:34,380 a person who could understand me, I would be willing to do anything. 976 01:20:35,670 --> 01:20:39,310 - How is it going with yours? - Mine is a bit too tall. 977 01:20:40,000 --> 01:20:43,520 Good. I think it's time to bring them to your house. 978 01:20:43,730 --> 01:20:44,790 Oh, yes? 979 01:20:46,510 --> 01:20:49,390 Bravo! Bravo! Thank you, guys! 980 01:20:49,670 --> 01:20:51,380 Goodnight! Let's go then. 981 01:20:53,650 --> 01:20:55,280 - The bill, sir. - Sure. 982 01:20:58,300 --> 01:20:59,750 Well, put it on my tab. 983 01:21:00,790 --> 01:21:01,560 What tab? 984 01:21:02,960 --> 01:21:03,990 Send the bill to me. 985 01:21:04,540 --> 01:21:05,780 To which address? 986 01:21:07,050 --> 01:21:09,000 You deal with this. We square up later. 987 01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:11,520 - In the meanwhile I talk to the ladies. - You fix this then? 988 01:21:23,790 --> 01:21:25,110 Excuse me. 989 01:21:30,090 --> 01:21:32,570 649,000 Liras! 990 01:21:33,430 --> 01:21:35,730 Plus 18% service charge! 991 01:21:37,070 --> 01:21:40,040 Four years of sacrificed savings. 992 01:21:45,050 --> 01:21:50,360 Furthermore, Calboni finally revealed the true identity of those "ladies". 993 01:21:51,760 --> 01:21:55,410 I agreed on 50,000 Liras per girl. A bargain, right? 994 01:21:56,590 --> 01:21:58,440 What? They want money? 995 01:21:58,520 --> 01:22:01,480 Yes, why? How much have we got left? 996 01:22:02,170 --> 01:22:05,240 With accountant Filini's 8,000 Liras we have... 997 01:22:05,680 --> 01:22:09,280 - 52,000 Liras. - Gee, it's just enough for my girl. 998 01:22:09,380 --> 01:22:11,730 Well, give it to me because mine wants to be paid in advance. 999 01:22:13,690 --> 01:22:16,120 Sorry girls, they are stingy. A pair of scroungers. 1000 01:22:16,300 --> 01:22:18,080 Come. Let's go. Taxi! 1001 01:22:18,690 --> 01:22:21,280 How does one get a taxi around here? Taxi! 1002 01:22:21,790 --> 01:22:23,730 This time he called nine of them. 1003 01:22:24,310 --> 01:22:27,050 An average of two and a quarter each. 1004 01:22:40,000 --> 01:22:41,500 - Calboni? - You fix this... 1005 01:22:41,500 --> 01:22:44,370 - ...we square it later. - But how? They want to be paid. 1006 01:22:44,420 --> 01:22:46,080 How do I fix this? Calboni? 1007 01:22:46,230 --> 01:22:49,820 - I have no more m... - Hey, who's paying here? 1008 01:22:50,090 --> 01:22:51,530 Just a moment. 1009 01:22:52,050 --> 01:22:53,030 Filini? 1010 01:22:53,050 --> 01:22:54,380 Yes, accountant? 1011 01:22:55,480 --> 01:22:58,010 - You fix this. - Me? 1012 01:22:58,040 --> 01:23:01,890 - Yes, we'll square it... later. - How? 1013 01:23:01,910 --> 01:23:05,070 Accountant Fantozzi, don't leave me like this. 1014 01:23:05,060 --> 01:23:08,080 Filini spent the rest of the night in the Emergency Room... 1015 01:23:08,240 --> 01:23:10,850 of "Our Lady Immaculate" hospital. 1016 01:23:17,440 --> 01:23:21,170 Instead, Fantozzi spent the night on his own doorstep. 1017 01:23:31,160 --> 01:23:34,580 It's 7 already! Pina, hurry! Coffee, newspapers, the mail! 1018 01:23:35,450 --> 01:23:37,690 Good morning, Mrs. Silvani-Calboni... 1019 01:23:37,900 --> 01:23:40,390 - What brings you here? - Where is my husband? 1020 01:23:41,950 --> 01:23:44,140 Eh... ah... eh... ah... 1021 01:23:44,480 --> 01:23:46,150 I didn't understand the question. 1022 01:23:46,190 --> 01:23:48,050 Where is my husband, the swine? 1023 01:23:48,440 --> 01:23:49,920 - The swine? Surveyor Calboni? - Exactly. 1024 01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:56,190 Surveyor Calboni did a whole detour... and left. 1025 01:23:56,280 --> 01:23:56,740 - Is that so? - Yes. 1026 01:23:56,950 --> 01:24:00,240 Why were you laying here like a watchdog then? 1027 01:24:00,680 --> 01:24:04,030 Because each saturday it's my turn. 1028 01:24:04,210 --> 01:24:08,860 - In this building we draw names and... - Stop playing the fool, Fantozzi! 1029 01:24:09,310 --> 01:24:11,150 You know fine well that he's in there with a woman. 1030 01:24:11,420 --> 01:24:15,800 And you're helping him. You're a pander! You rent by the hour! 1031 01:24:15,960 --> 01:24:17,400 - By the hour? - Yes, by the hour! 1032 01:24:17,630 --> 01:24:22,580 "Fantocci" don't be a fool and open this door! 1033 01:24:23,080 --> 01:24:24,810 Ma'am, I don't have the keys. 1034 01:24:25,430 --> 01:24:26,490 Isn't this your apartment? 1035 01:24:26,630 --> 01:24:30,500 This one? No, it was... I mean... I... 1036 01:24:31,420 --> 01:24:33,820 He bolted the door. 1037 01:24:37,500 --> 01:24:39,310 - Swine! - You're a swine, Calboni! 1038 01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:42,440 You made her cry. Open up! 1039 01:24:43,050 --> 01:24:44,670 You made her cry. Swine! 1040 01:24:46,380 --> 01:24:47,920 - "Fantocci". - Fantozzi. 1041 01:24:48,580 --> 01:24:49,750 - "Fantocci". - "Fantocci". 1042 01:24:49,940 --> 01:24:54,830 "Fantocci", be a man and break through that door. 1043 01:24:57,330 --> 01:24:58,160 I will. 1044 01:25:02,870 --> 01:25:06,250 Wait, it did't come out good. I'll try again. 1045 01:25:09,230 --> 01:25:11,310 - What are you doing? - The door is brand new. 1046 01:25:11,540 --> 01:25:13,920 Break through the door properly! Start from up there... 1047 01:25:14,320 --> 01:25:15,570 - ...and give it a good push. - Yes. 1048 01:25:16,970 --> 01:25:20,910 Take a flying jump, come on! Come down like a battering-ram. 1049 01:25:25,110 --> 01:25:26,010 Banzai! 1050 01:25:27,210 --> 01:25:28,540 Ok, ok, I'm opening. 1051 01:25:36,070 --> 01:25:40,000 He fell right on the 5:26 bus. The number 77... 1052 01:25:40,660 --> 01:25:43,880 returned him home at 6:13... 1053 01:25:44,240 --> 01:25:47,600 after completing the whole Ring Road around the city. 1054 01:25:57,060 --> 01:25:57,680 Swine! 1055 01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:00,920 Oh, it's you accountant Fantozzi? 1056 01:26:01,470 --> 01:26:02,800 I thought it was that swine. 1057 01:26:03,660 --> 01:26:05,800 Besides, you sneak in like that. No warning or anything. 1058 01:26:06,150 --> 01:26:07,880 Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, madam. 1059 01:26:08,770 --> 01:26:10,920 Why that face? I didn't kill you, did I? 1060 01:26:11,110 --> 01:26:11,830 It was so light. 1061 01:26:12,320 --> 01:26:16,040 Indeed, it was my wife's precious Murano blownglass vase. 1062 01:26:16,360 --> 01:26:18,870 Do not worry though, Luckily we have two... 1063 01:26:19,280 --> 01:26:20,450 Mrs. Silvani-Calboni. 1064 01:26:20,880 --> 01:26:23,030 Don't call me that! I don't want to hear that name! 1065 01:26:23,120 --> 01:26:24,810 I'm sorry, I won't call you that again. 1066 01:26:24,850 --> 01:26:26,830 It's the last one you know? 1067 01:26:27,030 --> 01:26:29,390 It's safer if I put it away. 1068 01:26:32,720 --> 01:26:34,500 Luckily, I saved it. 1069 01:26:39,500 --> 01:26:40,780 So can I return... 1070 01:26:41,220 --> 01:26:44,040 to call you Miss Silvani... 1071 01:26:44,250 --> 01:26:45,350 like in the good old days? 1072 01:26:45,780 --> 01:26:46,780 - You know what he did? - No. 1073 01:26:47,010 --> 01:26:49,430 You want to know? Not only he cheated on me... 1074 01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:51,360 but he ran away, the coward! 1075 01:26:51,380 --> 01:26:52,770 He left me alone with that beanpole. 1076 01:26:53,030 --> 01:26:54,220 You know what she did? 1077 01:26:54,520 --> 01:26:56,050 She broke an umbrella on my head. 1078 01:26:57,090 --> 01:26:59,540 It was my wife's umbrella. The only umbrella. 1079 01:27:00,450 --> 01:27:02,510 The straw that broke the camel's back. 1080 01:27:02,590 --> 01:27:05,370 You already broke everything. And here's me thinking... 1081 01:27:05,460 --> 01:27:08,640 that you were a happy couple. 1082 01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:11,140 It was the biggest mistake of my life. 1083 01:27:13,440 --> 01:27:14,530 A tragedy. 1084 01:27:15,330 --> 01:27:17,230 - A failure. - Madam! 1085 01:27:18,280 --> 01:27:19,630 Madam! 1086 01:27:20,690 --> 01:27:21,680 What are you doing? 1087 01:27:22,230 --> 01:27:24,640 I was kissing my... your hand. 1088 01:27:26,160 --> 01:27:28,770 Luckily I'm still young and good looking... 1089 01:27:28,760 --> 01:27:29,870 to start over again. 1090 01:27:29,960 --> 01:27:31,630 You're beautiful. 1091 01:27:31,680 --> 01:27:34,110 It's over! It's over! You know what I'll do now? 1092 01:27:34,100 --> 01:27:36,870 - No. - I'll sleep in a hotel tonight. 1093 01:27:36,960 --> 01:27:38,410 - Good! - And then you know what I'll do? 1094 01:27:38,760 --> 01:27:42,170 I'll quit work, get my severance. And I'll run off with whoever is at hand. 1095 01:27:42,340 --> 01:27:44,080 Why with whoev... ev... hand? 1096 01:27:44,160 --> 01:27:45,180 What did you say? 1097 01:27:45,360 --> 01:27:47,190 Why run off with whoever is at hand? 1098 01:27:48,090 --> 01:27:48,670 Madam... 1099 01:27:50,120 --> 01:27:51,920 I'm also tired of this life. 1100 01:27:52,510 --> 01:27:54,470 I can get severance too. 1101 01:27:54,660 --> 01:27:57,590 I'm young and good-looking enough too. 1102 01:28:01,350 --> 01:28:03,840 Madam, just say one word. 1103 01:28:04,210 --> 01:28:05,930 No wait, not even that... 1104 01:28:06,090 --> 01:28:07,910 because silence gives consent. 1105 01:28:08,220 --> 01:28:10,530 Madam, let me hug you! 1106 01:28:15,820 --> 01:28:19,820 This time it was the bus number 102 from the hills. 1107 01:28:19,920 --> 01:28:23,520 So Fantozzi had all the time to go through... 1108 01:28:23,510 --> 01:28:26,300 all possible solutions for his new life. 1109 01:28:26,720 --> 01:28:29,970 "Croupier" in Casablanca. Drummer in Harlem. 1110 01:28:29,980 --> 01:28:35,070 Hippie in Nepal. At last, he let her decide... 1111 01:28:35,370 --> 01:28:36,550 her mate. 1112 01:28:37,340 --> 01:28:39,050 - Let's go to Capri. - To do what? 1113 01:28:39,530 --> 01:28:40,740 I don't know. Like a honeymoon. 1114 01:28:42,060 --> 01:28:43,330 We'll see from there. 1115 01:28:45,590 --> 01:28:48,320 Accountant Fantozzi, what's the matter? Come on! 1116 01:28:49,100 --> 01:28:51,990 It was the last punch of his life. 1117 01:28:52,270 --> 01:28:56,740 Fantozzi did it with indifference... as usual. 1118 01:29:06,950 --> 01:29:10,400 In the same style, trying... 1119 01:29:10,400 --> 01:29:14,770 not to give away any emotion, he had his last meal with the family. 1120 01:29:28,210 --> 01:29:29,460 Well... 1121 01:29:31,330 --> 01:29:33,840 I'm going out... 1122 01:29:33,940 --> 01:29:35,430 to buy cigarettes. 1123 01:29:40,400 --> 01:29:41,140 Yes, Ugo. 1124 01:29:41,920 --> 01:29:43,040 No, it's OK. 1125 01:29:47,820 --> 01:29:50,920 - I'll be back soon. - Yes. 1126 01:29:55,630 --> 01:29:57,580 Cigarettes? Dad has never smoked. 1127 01:29:59,440 --> 01:30:01,580 He decided to try. 1128 01:30:02,070 --> 01:30:03,290 Let's hope he decides to quit soon. 1129 01:30:18,850 --> 01:30:21,670 Imagine that in 11 hours... 1130 01:30:22,090 --> 01:30:23,940 11 hours and 40 tops... 1131 01:30:24,370 --> 01:30:26,080 we'll be in Naples. 1132 01:30:27,050 --> 01:30:30,240 In my honeymoon it took us 1 hour and 20... 1133 01:30:30,760 --> 01:30:33,240 with a Mercedes spider 2800. 1134 01:30:33,710 --> 01:30:37,050 Calboni was what he was but he knew cars. 1135 01:30:37,460 --> 01:30:40,280 For your honeymoon with Calboni you went to... 1136 01:30:40,660 --> 01:30:41,620 Capri? 1137 01:30:42,550 --> 01:30:45,250 That's where people usually go for a honeymoon, isn't it? 1138 01:30:46,990 --> 01:30:49,570 I don't know, Venice? 1139 01:30:50,230 --> 01:30:52,270 Venice! So ordinary. 1140 01:30:52,740 --> 01:30:55,620 It doesn't matter. What matters... 1141 01:30:55,770 --> 01:30:57,670 is to make a clean break with the past. 1142 01:30:57,700 --> 01:31:00,370 No, what matters is to be on time to catch the last ferry. 1143 01:31:02,500 --> 01:31:04,410 Speed up, Fantozzi! 1144 01:31:04,520 --> 01:31:05,770 We're going to miss it. 1145 01:31:06,170 --> 01:31:08,450 Faster! Turn that wheel come on! 1146 01:31:09,510 --> 01:31:10,980 Accelerate! 1147 01:31:12,180 --> 01:31:14,000 Brake! Brake! 1148 01:31:14,860 --> 01:31:15,690 Brake! 1149 01:31:22,810 --> 01:31:24,620 Calboni was what he was... 1150 01:31:24,730 --> 01:31:26,820 but when I travelled with him weather was great. 1151 01:31:27,030 --> 01:31:28,650 As hot as Africa! 1152 01:31:29,810 --> 01:31:31,770 Well, excuse me madam... 1153 01:31:32,420 --> 01:31:34,530 but you went in July... 1154 01:31:35,310 --> 01:31:37,340 and today is the 20th of December. 1155 01:31:40,010 --> 01:31:43,000 I bet Calboni didn't even feel seasick. 1156 01:31:43,400 --> 01:31:45,990 Oh well, you can say anything about that swine... 1157 01:31:46,260 --> 01:31:47,900 but he's as seaworthy as a battleship. 1158 01:31:51,220 --> 01:31:52,970 Why? You won't vomit here, will you? 1159 01:31:53,250 --> 01:31:54,380 No, no, no! I'm... 1160 01:31:54,780 --> 01:31:56,590 I'm an aircraft c... An aircraft carrier! 1161 01:31:57,060 --> 01:31:58,290 An aircraft carrier! 1162 01:32:01,170 --> 01:32:02,020 Excuse me! 1163 01:32:05,940 --> 01:32:08,540 Oi! Man overboard! Man overboard! 1164 01:32:18,820 --> 01:32:20,220 To top Calboni... 1165 01:32:20,490 --> 01:32:23,780 Fantozzi chose the most expensive hotel in Capri. 1166 01:32:24,410 --> 01:32:27,230 Also because it was the only one open in winter. 1167 01:32:30,250 --> 01:32:32,270 - Your luggage, please. - Who's this? 1168 01:32:32,710 --> 01:32:34,300 - The luggage. - Get your hands off. 1169 01:32:34,710 --> 01:32:36,990 Son...! Son of a gun! 1170 01:32:37,190 --> 01:32:39,810 - Thief, hands off! - Please, leave your luggage to me. 1171 01:32:44,070 --> 01:32:45,760 Sorry. I'm very sorry. 1172 01:32:45,800 --> 01:32:47,410 You're so rough with the subordinates, Fantozzi. 1173 01:32:47,910 --> 01:32:50,660 I'll sit down a moment while you go to the reception. 1174 01:32:51,040 --> 01:32:51,990 At your order, madam. 1175 01:32:56,820 --> 01:32:58,640 Good morning, excuse me... 1176 01:32:59,170 --> 01:33:02,400 do you have two single rooms by chance? 1177 01:33:03,290 --> 01:33:04,690 We only have suites, sir. 1178 01:33:07,280 --> 01:33:08,610 How much are they? 1179 01:33:09,080 --> 01:33:10,720 - 60,000. - That's all? 1180 01:33:10,820 --> 01:33:12,770 Fantozzi thought 60,000 a month. 1181 01:33:13,900 --> 01:33:15,380 This is low season, sir. 1182 01:33:16,060 --> 01:33:19,180 The sea-view suite is 80,000, sir. 1183 01:33:20,670 --> 01:33:23,300 If you would like something better we have the Royal suite... 1184 01:33:23,300 --> 01:33:24,100 100,000. 1185 01:33:24,540 --> 01:33:26,840 - I'll take it! - Very well, sir. 1186 01:33:27,090 --> 01:33:28,370 It's mine! Don't give it to anyone else! 1187 01:33:28,690 --> 01:33:31,120 I'll give you the documents imediately. 1188 01:33:31,780 --> 01:33:35,160 This is the lady's passport... 1189 01:33:35,630 --> 01:33:37,450 ahem, the madam's passport. 1190 01:33:37,780 --> 01:33:40,180 And this is my bowls club card. 1191 01:33:40,420 --> 01:33:43,960 - I'll pay you now. - There's no rush sir, you can pay later. 1192 01:33:44,010 --> 01:33:45,790 Follow me. 1193 01:33:45,860 --> 01:33:47,760 - Here. - Thanks. 1194 01:33:48,980 --> 01:33:51,010 - You're welcome. - The key? 1195 01:33:51,990 --> 01:33:55,810 A suite like this for 100.000 sounds like something out of a fairytale. 1196 01:33:56,310 --> 01:33:57,850 It's even too much. 1197 01:33:58,150 --> 01:34:00,480 - This is the bedroom... - Not bad. 1198 01:34:01,050 --> 01:34:02,950 - ...with two bathrooms. - Yes, of course. 1199 01:34:04,500 --> 01:34:06,690 This is almost boorish. 1200 01:34:12,350 --> 01:34:13,590 What happened now? 1201 01:34:14,300 --> 01:34:15,740 - The key on my foot. - Good. 1202 01:34:15,900 --> 01:34:18,430 - What you mean "good"? - Do you prefer to have dinner downstairs... 1203 01:34:18,430 --> 01:34:20,560 or in your room? 1204 01:34:20,960 --> 01:34:24,110 Here! Here! With candles! A cosy dinner in the room. 1205 01:34:24,570 --> 01:34:26,620 No way! Neither here nor downstairs... 1206 01:34:26,660 --> 01:34:28,750 I couldn't eat a caper tonight. 1207 01:34:29,190 --> 01:34:32,170 My only dream is to get into this bed. 1208 01:34:32,920 --> 01:34:34,480 Into the bed? No capers! 1209 01:34:34,470 --> 01:34:37,640 I'm not hungry either. Get lost! 1210 01:34:38,550 --> 01:34:40,040 Madam. 1211 01:34:42,370 --> 01:34:44,920 Ugo Fantozzi, what's on your mind? 1212 01:34:45,170 --> 01:34:47,230 Calboni was what he was... 1213 01:34:47,680 --> 01:34:49,490 but on the first night he had the tactfulness... 1214 01:34:49,480 --> 01:34:51,880 ...of sleeping in the other room. Won't you do the same? 1215 01:34:51,980 --> 01:34:53,620 No, ahem... yes. 1216 01:34:53,710 --> 01:34:55,870 - Then go sleep in the other room. - Yes. 1217 01:34:56,320 --> 01:34:57,740 - Go already! - Yes, yes. 1218 01:34:59,290 --> 01:35:01,860 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 1219 01:35:10,760 --> 01:35:13,470 - What's the matter now? - My... my hand! 1220 01:35:13,570 --> 01:35:16,840 - What? - I left my hand... 1221 01:35:17,290 --> 01:35:18,440 in your room! 1222 01:35:19,470 --> 01:35:20,860 I can leave it to you... 1223 01:35:20,860 --> 01:35:23,800 - ...if you like. - No, no. Take it back... 1224 01:35:23,900 --> 01:35:25,630 and stop harassing me. 1225 01:35:26,860 --> 01:35:31,730 First day, morning. Tragic shopping with frantic search for the infamous... 1226 01:35:32,210 --> 01:35:36,070 Caprese fishermen clogs, which suited Calboni so well. 1227 01:35:37,020 --> 01:35:38,780 I love 'em! 1228 01:35:39,100 --> 01:35:41,270 They make you look thinner. Can you walk? 1229 01:35:41,530 --> 01:35:45,020 Yes, yes, madam. I can walk... so-so. 1230 01:35:46,590 --> 01:35:48,580 I can walk... I can almost... 1231 01:35:48,780 --> 01:35:50,510 HOLY SHIT! 1232 01:36:23,190 --> 01:36:25,280 How am I doing? 1233 01:36:26,260 --> 01:36:28,560 Good. Very good. 1234 01:36:43,600 --> 01:36:44,700 Fantozzi! 1235 01:36:45,370 --> 01:36:47,600 Why don't you go through the famous stacks? 1236 01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:49,220 Calboni used to do it all the time! 1237 01:37:23,350 --> 01:37:24,540 Is this thing yours? 1238 01:37:25,170 --> 01:37:27,460 Yes, yes. Carry him to the Royal suite. 1239 01:37:34,610 --> 01:37:37,570 What...? Where am I? 1240 01:37:39,790 --> 01:37:41,440 I'm on the double bed. 1241 01:37:42,110 --> 01:37:43,560 - Ma'am? - Yes? 1242 01:37:43,880 --> 01:37:45,270 - Where are you? - Here. 1243 01:37:45,760 --> 01:37:46,760 What are you doing? 1244 01:37:46,800 --> 01:37:48,200 Reddening my lips. 1245 01:37:48,250 --> 01:37:49,430 You cracked your lips? 1246 01:37:49,530 --> 01:37:51,720 No, Fantozzi. I meant painting my lips. 1247 01:37:54,200 --> 01:37:55,690 Madam... 1248 01:37:55,850 --> 01:37:57,990 Did I sleep on the... Good morning. 1249 01:37:58,860 --> 01:38:02,120 Did I sleep in the double bed? 1250 01:38:02,300 --> 01:38:03,970 - Yes, yes. - Sorry? 1251 01:38:04,200 --> 01:38:05,550 Yes, Fantozzi. 1252 01:38:06,800 --> 01:38:08,370 - And what did I do? - Everything. 1253 01:38:08,810 --> 01:38:12,200 - Sorry? - Everything, Fantozzi. 1254 01:38:12,680 --> 01:38:13,950 Madam... 1255 01:38:14,040 --> 01:38:16,450 I feel like angels are flying. 1256 01:38:17,830 --> 01:38:20,270 Always so poetic, Fantozzi. 1257 01:38:22,530 --> 01:38:24,330 Although, madam... 1258 01:38:24,370 --> 01:38:27,350 I can't remember anything at all. 1259 01:38:27,820 --> 01:38:29,040 It's for the best, Fantozzi. 1260 01:38:29,830 --> 01:38:33,040 Let's go, let's go. Calboni was what he was... 1261 01:38:33,440 --> 01:38:34,930 but at this time he was already swimming in the pool. 1262 01:38:35,650 --> 01:38:37,060 Let's go. 1263 01:38:37,820 --> 01:38:39,200 To the swimming pool then! 1264 01:38:45,470 --> 01:38:48,080 Madam, here's a nice swim in the teeth of Calboni. 1265 01:38:48,800 --> 01:38:50,750 Excuse me waiter, how's the water in the swimming pool? 1266 01:38:51,000 --> 01:38:51,920 What water? 1267 01:38:58,880 --> 01:39:00,890 Fantozzi! What are you doing? 1268 01:39:01,180 --> 01:39:08,230 Come in madam, don't be afraid, it's not deep. 1269 01:39:09,060 --> 01:39:12,400 In the evening Fantozzi attempted a desperate recovery. 1270 01:39:12,960 --> 01:39:14,650 I can hear the sea! 1271 01:39:15,920 --> 01:39:17,740 You're hearing it and I'll go in it. 1272 01:39:17,940 --> 01:39:20,090 I bet Calboni never attempted... 1273 01:39:20,180 --> 01:39:22,980 an Acapulco-style dive like this. 1274 01:39:23,790 --> 01:39:26,330 Isn't it a bit too high? 1275 01:39:29,110 --> 01:39:31,590 No worries, madam. I've got a boat there... 1276 01:39:31,590 --> 01:39:33,500 waiting for me. I'm going then. 1277 01:39:34,950 --> 01:39:36,310 Bless the Virgin Mary protector of divers. 1278 01:39:56,170 --> 01:39:58,020 I see you had a nice day, sir. 1279 01:40:11,760 --> 01:40:13,520 This is my stuff. 1280 01:40:14,250 --> 01:40:17,160 And those shoes? 1281 01:40:17,670 --> 01:40:20,450 Excuse me, whose shoes are those? 1282 01:40:20,680 --> 01:40:24,340 They're her husband's. He arrived an hour ago to spend the holidays with her... 1283 01:40:24,940 --> 01:40:26,330 and they are already partying. 1284 01:40:27,070 --> 01:40:29,160 They're already... partying. 1285 01:40:29,240 --> 01:40:31,740 You took so long to find me. 1286 01:40:32,050 --> 01:40:34,970 I couldn't wait any longer. Cheers, my love. 1287 01:40:35,510 --> 01:40:38,160 Cheers my arse. You swear that... 1288 01:40:38,170 --> 01:40:40,210 the cockroach never touched you! 1289 01:40:40,680 --> 01:40:42,570 Of course I swear it. 1290 01:40:43,240 --> 01:40:46,480 I only let him think that. He fell for it like an idiot. 1291 01:40:46,820 --> 01:40:48,120 I almost pity him. 1292 01:40:57,970 --> 01:41:01,300 "Swimming pool repairs, restoration of the main stack... 1293 01:41:01,360 --> 01:41:02,900 compensation... 1294 01:41:03,850 --> 01:41:06,750 compensation for destruction of furnishings... 1295 01:41:06,910 --> 01:41:09,640 four stretcher-bearer calls, one for recovery room... 1296 01:41:10,010 --> 01:41:12,040 pre-owned boat completely destroyed... 1297 01:41:12,090 --> 01:41:16,010 tourist tax and full board for Mr. and Mrs. Calboni until Epiphany day". 1298 01:41:17,170 --> 01:41:18,840 Is this all the cash? 1299 01:41:22,430 --> 01:41:23,650 Promissory notes! 1300 01:41:23,690 --> 01:41:28,150 2 lbs and 3/4 of them, to be paid within three months. 1301 01:41:29,630 --> 01:41:32,540 Fantozzi signed them with cold indifference... 1302 01:41:32,980 --> 01:41:36,370 because he had already planned to kill himself... 1303 01:41:36,380 --> 01:41:38,250 by jumping off from Tiberius's Leap. 1304 01:41:43,980 --> 01:41:47,680 Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp! 1305 01:41:58,600 --> 01:42:01,860 He was later caught by a fishing boat from Torre Anunziata... 1306 01:42:02,540 --> 01:42:05,350 resold to "Findus" and then put on the market... 1307 01:42:05,350 --> 01:42:07,110 as frozen grouper. 1308 01:42:11,710 --> 01:42:13,100 Merry Christmas, madam. How may I help you? 1309 01:42:13,160 --> 01:42:17,010 - Merry Christmas. I would like... - That one? 1310 01:42:17,530 --> 01:42:18,540 Two nice slices? 1311 01:42:18,690 --> 01:42:21,030 No, no, no! I want it in one piece. 1312 01:42:21,540 --> 01:42:23,000 All of it, whole! 1313 01:42:24,010 --> 01:42:25,090 How much per pound? 1314 01:42:44,190 --> 01:42:45,380 Ugo... 1315 01:42:46,300 --> 01:42:47,520 everything will be fixed. 1316 01:42:49,180 --> 01:42:51,510 Even at the office. 1317 01:42:52,440 --> 01:42:53,680 If not, who cares. 1318 01:42:54,380 --> 01:42:55,660 What matters is that you love us. 1319 01:42:58,370 --> 01:42:59,280 Do you love us? 1320 01:43:00,260 --> 01:43:01,200 Do you love us, daddy? 1321 01:43:07,430 --> 01:43:08,850 Yeah, after all... 1322 01:43:09,530 --> 01:43:10,770 who cares! 1323 01:43:13,120 --> 01:43:14,040 Good heavens. 1324 01:43:14,760 --> 01:43:16,070 Ugo, are you alright? 1325 01:43:18,410 --> 01:43:19,680 Ugo, dear. 1326 01:43:27,700 --> 01:43:29,550 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 1327 01:43:40,010 --> 01:43:43,030 Hello? Yes, that's me. Who's speaking? 1328 01:43:45,080 --> 01:43:45,760 Who? 1329 01:43:47,150 --> 01:43:48,530 Is this a prank? 1330 01:43:48,960 --> 01:43:49,870 It was not. 1331 01:43:50,080 --> 01:43:54,110 On the phone it was indeed the Mega President himself. 1332 01:43:54,540 --> 01:43:56,820 Dear Fantozzi, first of all, Merry Christmas. 1333 01:43:57,280 --> 01:43:59,910 I have here your re-instatement request and your file. 1334 01:44:00,730 --> 01:44:03,860 I apologise for disturbing the privacy of your home in this Holy night... 1335 01:44:03,860 --> 01:44:07,350 but I put up at my office because for me work... 1336 01:44:07,350 --> 01:44:08,400 is prayer. 1337 01:44:08,930 --> 01:44:10,790 I need to talk to you for a moment... 1338 01:44:11,230 --> 01:44:12,830 so sit down and listen... 1339 01:44:35,570 --> 01:44:37,370 So, dear Fantozzi, do you accept? 1340 01:44:37,540 --> 01:44:38,160 Yes! 1341 01:44:39,340 --> 01:44:42,080 Fantozzi! Here already? 1342 01:44:42,590 --> 01:44:45,230 - I accept everything! - But... 1343 01:44:45,320 --> 01:44:47,320 you didn't even hear what I'm offering. 1344 01:44:47,810 --> 01:44:49,260 I accept anyway. 1345 01:44:49,340 --> 01:44:51,650 I surrender unconditionally. 1346 01:44:53,470 --> 01:44:57,060 Come here then, dear Fantozzi... 1347 01:44:57,950 --> 01:44:59,900 What's the matter? Are you afraid? 1348 01:45:00,320 --> 01:45:01,940 But we love you so much. 1349 01:45:02,260 --> 01:45:04,780 That's why I'm afraid. 1350 01:45:05,430 --> 01:45:08,260 Come, come... 1351 01:45:08,550 --> 01:45:10,850 Let's kill the fattened CALF! 1352 01:45:10,930 --> 01:45:11,890 Me? 1353 01:45:12,330 --> 01:45:15,590 Not you, of course. You're the prodigal son. 1354 01:45:16,120 --> 01:45:20,110 The lost sheep that returns to the FOLD! 1355 01:45:21,170 --> 01:45:24,090 And we say: "welcome back"! 1356 01:45:24,330 --> 01:45:26,240 Thank you. So you're taking me back? 1357 01:45:26,290 --> 01:45:27,270 Of course. 1358 01:45:27,680 --> 01:45:29,550 Will I get my old job back? 1359 01:45:30,310 --> 01:45:33,020 No. Not exactly. 1360 01:45:33,820 --> 01:45:36,340 But we give you something more. 1361 01:45:36,800 --> 01:45:38,370 - Meaning? - Meaning... 1362 01:45:38,500 --> 01:45:40,140 that aside from our forgiveness... 1363 01:45:40,350 --> 01:45:44,590 we're also offering you the purifying joy of deserving it. 1364 01:45:45,410 --> 01:45:51,420 You will start from zero, Fantozzi. From the lowest rank. 1365 01:45:51,680 --> 01:45:55,150 We hire you back as... 1366 01:45:55,150 --> 01:45:57,990 ...lightning rod. 1367 01:45:59,200 --> 01:46:01,820 Fantozzi! 1368 01:46:02,340 --> 01:46:04,320 I wish you a good day... 1369 01:46:04,470 --> 01:46:06,080 my dear accountant! 1370 01:46:06,830 --> 01:46:09,420 Please, don't be so sad! 1371 01:46:10,070 --> 01:46:13,910 Laugh! Laugh! Because work is joy! 1372 01:46:14,020 --> 01:46:16,320 Work is mirth! 1373 01:46:17,730 --> 01:46:20,250 Yes, that's the spirit! 1374 01:46:23,070 --> 01:46:25,150 And now, get to work! 1375 01:46:27,680 --> 01:46:31,110 Excellent! Good luck, Fantozzi! 1376 01:47:08,920 --> 01:47:15,170 Fantozzi Ugo, accountant. ID 1001/bis. From the accidents department. 1377 01:47:17,770 --> 01:47:24,020 Get over here. (Yes Director!) Go over there. MOVE IT! 1378 01:47:25,580 --> 01:47:28,180 Uhh, there's a new glass wall here! 1379 01:47:29,230 --> 01:47:36,520 Time to get up, eat and dress up... hope I can catch the bus. 1380 01:47:39,120 --> 01:47:44,850 If I'm too late, for punching my card... FANTOZZI! 1381 01:47:46,420 --> 01:47:50,070 Please, don't crucify me in the canteen. It's embarassing. 1382 01:47:51,100 --> 01:47:55,270 This is some public humiliation! It gets my fingers all tangled up! 108066

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