Original subtitles

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[sighs]

>> El hombre, he's waiting there three

days.

The hombre waiting there.

He wants to get him? No.

But he's the one man who could. You want

to come back inside?

He's a man's best friend. And tell him

not to kill you in Mexico.

>> [music]

>> Hello, Charlie.

Hello, Ben.

>> [music]

>> Maybe they are amigos.

Hello, Ben. Hello, Charlie. And that's

all.

No emotion, these gringos.

Hey, you look a little meaty.

You're in good shape, Charlie.

Yeah, you're in good shape.

Looks like you got taller yet.

I guess it's cuz I'm looking from down

here.

You really are something.

Hello, Charlie.

I think he just bird-turned me.

Cuz a buddy's ALWAYS A

YEAH, BUDDY.

TOOK me 2 years to put that money away.

But it took you 2 days TO SPEND IT. IT

WAS

JUST THINK, WE COULD HAVE DOUBLED IT IF

WE COULD HAVE SOLD THAT herd of cattle.

Yeah, but not to the same guy we rustled

it from. But he

He grew in those days.

Didn't recognize him.

Yeah, besides, who got sent up, huh? Who

paid? YOURS TRULY. YOURS TRULY HERE.

YOU AIN'T NEAR FINISHED PAYING. OH, COME

ON. That ain't nice, Charlie.

I think I started in fooling and you

know that those things happen. Damn

straight.

I've been waiting 2 years for this. Take

your belt off.

What?

Oh, you want to let off some steam.

Well, you could have just said so.

Hold it. Yeah,

he's kicking it out. Cut the stalling

and let's GET ON IT.

THIS IS STUPID. IT'S A NIGHT, CHARLIE.

CHARLIE, YOU AIN'T GOT REFLEXES.

ONE, TWO. You want to get it in the

head? Or should I SPLIT A JAW?

ALL RIGHT. ONE.

TWO.

I I DON'T GET YOU, CHARLIE.

>> You will in a minute. Now, you see

that's uncalled for. Get up, saddle bum.

Now, Charlie, that's provocation.

Left.

Left.

Left again.

And a right.

What's he made of?

Uh-huh. Yeah, hang your hat on it.

GET HIM A MEDICINE DOWN.

GET UP.

You'll live to regret that. THANKS,

CHARLIE. REGRET THIS.

Another [clears throat]

provocation.

I would, huh?

Yeah, like hell.

You get on and you get on it. And you

fall off your saddle. Yeah, I know.

I knew you weren't mad.

You know, prison's a great place for a

sky skipper. Keep yourself.

Hey, we can make a fortune. Charlie.

Are you listening, huh?

Yeah. No more

out. We're going into partnership.

We got it made, Charlie. No bird-turning

for us, partner. Ah, shut up.

Who can beat us between your shooting

and the ideas I got going?

Got the whole thing figured out.

You know, Charlie.

Hey, Charlie.

Where you going?

Hey.

WILL YOU LISTEN, PARTNER? NOW, YOU

LISTEN, saddle head. When one of us goes

west, the other goes east. You got it?

>> [groaning]

>> Yeah, I got it.

YOU CAN GO TO HELL. I CAN FIND FOUR

PARTNERS LIKE YOU. FIVE. SIX. [snorts]

SEVEN.

Holy smoke.

>> for 200, gentlemen. You shoot first.

30.

I don't believe it.

Seven.

Shoot 200, gentlemen. That was nothing.

That's the last part.

I got 200.

Are you going to bet it or not?

I'll roll it.

SEVEN.

HEY, LET'S

GO. LET'S GET THEM. AFTER THEM.

>> [music]

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>> WELL, MARY had a little lamb.

Hallelujah.

Oh, thank you.

Hallelujah.

I'm a bum.

Hallelujah.

I'm a bum.

>> [snorts]

>> Oh, how kind of you to give me a home.

Well,

>> [laughter]

>> Yeah, this ain't no hotel. Let's go.

I'll see you soon.

Flint Springs, Flint Springs.

Yeah?

Huh?

Hey, [ __ ]

What you got?

See you around.

>> [music]

[screaming]

>> All right, man.

Huh?

All right, huh?

AND YOU GO WEST, I GO EAST. YOU GOT

THAT? YOU JUST WAIT LIKE

HOLD ON, PARTNER.

>> [cheering]

[music]

[screaming]

[music]

[music]

>> This healing fluid ain't no ordinary

virus. Take no sorry. It's analgesic

powers will relieve you of rheumatic

woes, shingles, nettle rash, whooping

cough, fever, and a host of other malic

complaints. All right, now hold it right

there.

Hold it. Big fire.

Hold it.

All right, now hold IT RIGHT HERE.

BIG FIRE.

>> [music]

>> UH-UH. OH, come on now. 2 * 5 is 10,

huh? Uh-uh. Mhm. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

No giving, no grabbing. Know what I

mean, SUGAR BUTT?

I'VE HAD IT.

IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE, GENTS.

WHISKEY. A beer, Haydock.

I luck, huh?

You've been looking.

Talking about luck. I get a full house,

he gets four of a kind. Yeah, that's

what you think. Uh

Uh

Follow me, I'll tell you something. Mhm?

Come on.

Come on.

Hey, hold on.

Goldarnit, I got a wild to go.

Hey, wait

>> Hey, wait a minute. This towel has BEEN

PAID FOR. A PENNY a minute. Then take

your time about it now.

>> Hey, 60 cents. Good for an hour.

One of those sports is a forger. A real

parrot. Wait, what do you mean? How did

you do?

By watching the codger maneuver his

pack. That no good bum.

Take it easy. Forget it. You ain't going

to recoup a cent. You're going to lose

your head about it. Yeah, well

You still got a little money, huh? I do

though.

And the 500's ain't much. The money's

fair. Now you give me that five.

>> Mhm?

Well, now I figured to split the

winnings.

Once you recoup your loss. Okay? Mhm?

What do you say? But what if one of

them's cheating? How are you going to

beat it? How about cheating all the

more? Oh, holy suffering catfish.

Okay?

All right, go ahead and take it.

But you better win, I'm warning you. I

don't worry. You win.

Yeah, yeah, pops. It ain't hygienic, but

you'll feel like a millionaire.

Listen, uh you got anything against

someone taking my place?

Uh

Sit down.

Huh?

No, I'm sorry, but I scared.

But I must have a say.

Blow it all on a little poke.

Your turn.

Well, were you playing all of this deck?

One card short.

Easy, freezy, cold, cold, warm, warm,

Now, how did that ever get caught

underneath there?

Ask the pooka that took it out.

Deal.

Cut.

Thank you.

Are you passing? Yeah.

Are you going to open?

I need you.

A hundred.

200 to stay in.

Yeah. going to clear out of their minds.

Johnny.

I knew I should have folded.

Cards?

One. The top one.

Natural.

Three.

100.

Um

300. Double it.

What are we going to do now?

That's a Swiss watch.

I got an ace. So do I.

They got a pair of aces.

Holy brother Moses, they're even at

three aces each.

It ain't possible they got six aces.

Yeah, three each, but how can they have

three aces? Shut up, William. There's

still another card.

FOUR ACES [screaming] EACH. FOUR ACES

EACH.

>> [music]

>> YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I HAD FOUR BUCKS

TUCKED AWAY. SURE, but how was I

supposed to know I'd get the real aces?

COME ON.

I'M OVER HERE.

ALL RIGHT, WILLIAM, WANT TO GET HIT?

>> [music]

>> HERE, I'LL PAY FOR THIS, PAL.

>> [music]

[screaming]

[music]

[music]

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, CHARLIE? WHAT? MAYBE WE

BETTER GET OUT OF HERE. YEAH, in case

you don't make it, I'LL SEE YOU

HE'S HEADING SOUTH.

YOU HOP ON NOW AND GET off at the last

stop.

I'll wait for the northbound stage. Got

it?

You know what I say?

You know what I say?

You ain't nothing but a goat herder.

Miserable goat herding, nitpicking bum.

That ain't much, is it? That's all

you'll ever be.

Maybe someday I'll be happy to be a

miserable bum

instead of a windjamming blowhard with a

bullet through his head.

Hm?

Hm?

>> [sighs]

>> Dear, dear, dear.

Oh, come now, beautiful.

We've traveled together the last 100

miles, and it's still an awfully long

way to San Diego.

No harm in there getting better

acquainted, is there? Hm?

Uh

They serve chilled ginger beer here at

the post station.

Uh

Got to tell you something. Lend an ear.

Oh, you got to follow me, sir.

Yes, but It's your check, pension. Uh It

could be at any second.

It's a question of life and death.

What? Come on, there's no trust in that

bunch. What bunch? What are you talking

about? GET IT.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

NO, NO, WAIT. COAST AIN'T CLEAR YET.

WELL, I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES.

HELLO, WAIT.

YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW, SIR, BUT IT'S all

over.

Nice day, ain't it, man?

It would be if there weren't so many

pests around.

This bug don't bite.

>> [clears throat]

>> You may not bite,

but you've been bitten, and by something

pretty foul, I would say.

I'm in the skies. And my compliments,

it's perfect.

You do look exactly like a broken-down,

rusty, dirty bum.

That's mighty kind, ma'am.

You know, I got a

pretty strange feeling [music] that

we met somewhere before.

I'm afraid you're right.

Uh

It was in front of a preacher.

I had said [music]

yes,

but you didn't say anything.

And when I turned around,

>> [music]

>> you were running like hell out of the

church. Sarah, you're still very angry

with me, huh?

Not at all.

As a matter of fact, I consider myself

very lucky.

I guess you're right.

You know, you ain't changed at all.

Neither have you, Ben.

But I wasn't paying you a compliment.

But I was.

Oh, what's uh

What are you doing these days? Same

thing for when we met then.

Remember?

I'm a prostitute.

The great Ben bellows,

afraid of no man or gun, but deathly

afraid of words, of the truth.

How Ben?

We'll start that again now. Relax.

I haven't the least desire to.

Didn't you notice that I didn't even ask

you what you're doing?

I didn't have to.

I know.

You're running, Ben.

You're convinced of chasing something

very important. Money,

glory, success.

You don't even know yourself.

Don't you realize

that you're only trying to escape?

Hm?

Sarah,

you

You just don't understand what I feel

inside. You never tried or wanted to,

either.

Uh It's like a

promissory note that reads uh

Ben bellows got the right to be free,

rich, and happy.

Now, I got to find the beggar who signed

that thing.

Make him give me what's coming to me.

You might discover that that beggar

wears a black cape with a skull and

crossbones.

I'll take that risk.

Are you taking the stage, too?

Uh

Well, uh

I would, but I don't Yes, I understand,

of course.

Here you diddle and you daddle and you

pop.

Listen, Ben.

Uh I've $200 here. I don't really need

it. They They pay me well where I'm

going.

You are a card, Sarah.

Don't go judging a book by its cover

now.

If you only knew. With the deals I got,

the one thing I don't need is money.

Yeah.

>> [music]

>> Sarah,

uh look, just give me a couple OF

THREE MONTHS. IN ONE of these mornings

you'll find a GOLD CARRIAGE WITH 10

WHITE HORSES IN FRONT of your door with

me inside dressed fit to kill, SMOKING A

CIGAR AS LONG AS YOUR ARM.

AND THERE'LL BE A CARPET OF FLOWERS.

THAT'S THREE MONTHS.

I'LL BE ON MY WAY, WON'T YOU?

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> WHAT HAPPENED?

WEREN'T YOU HEADING SOUTH?

Maybe that's my business, huh? Unless

you're looking for trouble.

Let's go inside.

Play a couple of hands while we wait for

the next stage. We wait?

It's getting in your head, Charlie.

That's my business.

Let's look at the trouble.

Ah.

No, partner.

No.

The stage.

Coach. The stage coach. Where is the

stage coach?

Where is the

>> [clears throat]

>> coach?

Where is the stage coach?

Huh?

See that cloud of dust there?

That's the coach. All you got to do is

keep up with that cloud. Uh thank you

very much, SIR.

HOLD ON.

WAIT FOR ME. HOLD ON.

>> [screaming]

>> WAIT.

KEEP GOING. DID YOU HAVE A GOOD TRIP?

YEAH.

RED ROCK. 10 MINUTES STOP. RED ROCK.

REFRESHMENTS, RESTROOMS.

10 minutes. Wait up, Chuck.

Get back here, Arnie.

Oh. Hey, you leaving that there, CHUCK?

OVER HERE.

BETTER QUENCH YOURSELF NOW, FOLKS. AIN'T

ANOTHER bar for 200 miles.

Just a minute.

Okay.

Let's go and have a drink. Eh. I'll buy

you a whiskey. Beer. How about a beer?

Yeah, I guess that's all you can afford.

We got barely enough money to get to

Phoenix.

We just as well stay here. Yeah, only to

get put in jail.

>> Why? What else can you do but fight in

this blooming city?

Can't compare Phoenix to this hick town.

Plenty of fish cakes waiting there.

Don't worry, we'll find something.

Something?

If only I had that gun of mine.

I'd show you how to find something. I'd

show you.

>> Well, that's just as well, cuz you're

liable to go put a bullet through your

head.

Where you going?

I'm only going to take a look at the

gunsmith's shop. Nothing illegal

[clears throat] so long as you look. No

harm, no harm.

>> [music]

>> Here's your free beer.

Hey, I don't want all that foam.

Just take it easy, huh?

Howdy.

Nice day, huh?

Howdy.

>> [music]

[music]

>> Another free beer.

What are you doing?

You going to give your order, mister?

Eh?

What's that?

Get the hell out of here.

Mhm.

Ah.

The thumb.

The barrel. Defective.

Impossible.

Let me see.

Can you see well?

Yeah, perfectly.

I can even see the bullet inside. Ah,

then just keep looking at it without

breathing.

Nice and easy, unless you want to watch

it go through your

eye. Mhm.

>> [music]

>> Everybody come to the captain of this

town, right?

Right when you go to fill that sign for

me. That's fine.

>> [music]

>> Hey, Arnie, you got to come and tell me.

Here are my things. [music] Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

>> [music]

>> Don't move.

Don't move.

HOLD IT.

QUIET.

Get your hands up.

Get against the wall.

Hey, tell her.

Get out of there.

Put the money in the sack.

And you, give him a hand.

Come over here.

FASTER.

HURRY UP.

CHARLIE.

CHARLIE.

CHARLIE.

>> [screaming]

>> CHARLIE.

CHARLIE. WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON? THEY

ROBBED THE BANK. HUH?

THEY ROBBED THE BANK.

CHUCK, HEY CHARLIE.

ALL RIGHT, INSIDE. LET ME GET BACK IN

THERE.

CHARLIE.

THANKS, CHARLIE. THAT'S A GOOD SHOT.

YEAH, YOU'RE NEXT.

>> [screaming]

>> HEY, GET OFF OF ME.

I SAID LET GO OF ME. RUN UP A POSSE. I

CAN'T GO GET A POSSE. GO AND SHOOT. YOU

ALL RIGHT? ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET OUT OF

HERE.

THERE'S OUR MONEY ON THAT STAGE.

OKAY, DON'T TRY TO mess with me. Hold us

clear, will you?

ALL RIGHT, FOLLOW ME. [screaming]

>> I MEAN IT'S THE ONLY CHOICE I HAD.

JUST THINK SUPPOSE I TOLD YOU, CHARLIE,

I'M GOING TO ROB A BANK.

I CAN JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE

SAID.

YEAH, YOU'RE A PARANOID.

>> YOU'RE DAMN TOOTING, AND THAT'S WHY I

WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU. There were

nothing to it, Charlie. It's just as

smooth AS PIE. SMOOTH AS PIE, your

clavicle. In just 2 minutes you turned

me into an outlaw. Ah, you're getting

technical now. Come on, stop your

worrying and count the dough in that

sackaroo.

Half is yours, PARTNER.

HEY, MAN.

HUH?

YOU GOT THE COUNT?

>> YEAH.

DOES IT GO UP TO 10? ABOUT 20. GOD

[screaming] DIGGITY, 20 GRAND? NO, 20

SHERIFF.

>> [music]

[screaming]

>> I'LL NEVER MAKE IT, CHARLIE.

>> [screaming]

[screaming]

[music]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

>> HEY, WHAT'S THE HOLD?

HOLD YOUR HORSES, JAKE.

HOLD YOUR HIDE.

HEY, CHARLIE,

HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO IT? HEY, KEEP

MOVING, JAKE. KEEP MOVING.

>> [screaming]

>> HOLD IT. HOLD IT. I LOVE THEM BILLS.

IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET HIM TO

STOP.

THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

YEAH, BUT NEXT time you get another of

your brilliant ideas, I'd like to know

about it first. That goes for you, TOO,

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO ROBBING A

BANK.

>> [music]

[music]

>> YOU GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE.

Julius Caesar in a sump hole. Will you

cut your twittering?

You'd think that the whole United States

Cavalry was on our heels. You're making

me nervous. You'll be even more nervous

when they get us.

Okay, Sleeping Beauty, get up.

It's my turn.

>> [clears throat]

>> Turn your laundry first, huh? You

filthy, grubby horse thief. You don't

wash your underwear. I'm a gentleman. I

don't wear underwear.

Aha, didn't it?

Hey.

Hey.

Oh my god.

HOLD IT. HEY, WHAT THE JUST SIT TIGHT

right where you are.

Where's your friend, RATTLEBONES?

WHAT'S THAT? TAKE A LOOK AROUND. HE

CAN'T BE FAR.

Are you going to talk, Rattlebones?

Oh,

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?

OH, you're so violent and impetuous,

only we can't calculate before my dear

departed husband.

Oh, you're going to ruin everything.

One dear departed

is enough for any woman.

>> [sighs]

>> Go on, boys, give me a hand.

>> [laughter]

>> Look here. The wrist is all right. Don't

need to wear this brace no more.

Just thought you might LIKE TO SEE.

ALL RIGHT, RATTLEBONES.

NOW tell us where your FRIEND IS OR I'LL

KILL YOU.

>> YOU'RE IN MY COUNTY, WALKER.

I'M RUNNING THINGS around here. I don't

like your methods.

And I don't LIKE HIS, TOO.

VERY YOU, CHARLIE, BUT LET'S NOT FORGET

IT was me he shot. And the bank he

robbed is in my county.

All right, fella.

I think you better tell us where you hid

that money.

What money? This ain't no time to play

smart.

The $25,000 [clears throat]

you stole. Now, where is it? We didn't

GET IT. YOU LITTLE SNAKE.

WHERE DID YOU HIDE IT?

SO, THAT'S IT. Figured to put the blame

on us. I was wondering why you went to

all that trouble. Afraid we might have

talked, huh?

What are you trying to say? Uh nothing.

Just that uh

Honest John Sheriff here and his

deputies did us OUT OF

$25,000.

HEY, TOO bad that your buddy ain't here

to keep you company, hey, Rattlebones?

Yeah, it really is a pity. Why, he keeps

you in stitches when it comes to

hangings. Don't worry. I'll get him,

too. Yeah, yeah. He'd like to meet you.

He's one who appreciates a good

liar.

They did their duty. They were honest

citizens.

>> [screaming]

>> I'll get you.

I'll get you. I'll get you like a sieve.

>> [screaming]

[music]

>> A day of forgiving for helping thy

neighbor, Brother Brown.

Oh, what a wonderful day, Brother Brown.

Doesn't it open your heart to serenity

and joy?

Got to practice what you preach, huh?

Psalm 2, chapter 10. Yeah.

Brother

Charles

what doth trouble you, Charles?

Open up your heart to me. I'd like to

split your head and see what the hell

you got inside it. You turned me into an

outlaw. Just a cotton-picking outlaw.

Think robbing wasn't good enough. You

had to go shoot a sheriff. Yeah, but all

the money is returned. And that clever

figure killed it.

>> Yeah, but we'll never be able to prove

it. All they know about us is that we're

a couple of no-good bandits.

You know what I say? Don't let the thing

bother you, Charlie.

Thanks, jackass.

Now, being that we're considered

bandits,

we might as well take advantage of it.

Ha!

Ocular testimony describes the one

called Charlie as having black hair and

beard, very thin, close to 7 ft tall.

The other, name unknown, 6 ft, light

brown hair, smiles and laughs often at

times for no apparent reason.

Well, these are descriptions better than

nothing.

Have it distributed throughout the

state.

Well, I'll be damned. What's wrong,

Sheriff? I never thought that the

Pinkerton Agency would bother with this

case.

A bank robbery,

a sheriff killed,

and a preacher attacked.

Within 1 week, these two young men have

made a shambles of the state's economic,

ecclesiastic,

and executive power.

But I don't think they'll find life so

easy from now on.

>> [singing]

>> Good morning, Reverend. Mr. Oh, yes,

sir. You called? Good morning, sir. 10

minutes late again today, Smith, huh?

Yes, sir. Do you have any idea where you

are? Do you know what this is, Smith?

Yes, sir. Oh, Smith. Now, get behind

your cage. WHAT YOU LOUT. GET BEHIND

THAT CAGE. THIS IS THE LAST TIME, SMITH.

I'm warning you.

>> Yes, yes, sir. You were supposed to

audit our credit accounts, Smith.

>> They've been audited. How's that? I've

worked on them all night.

>> I will not tolerate any more tardiness.

Do I make myself CLEAR, SMITH? DO I MAKE

MYSELF CLEAR?

>> YES, SIR.

Good day, Reverend.

Yes, sir.

Tis a nice day, my son. What can I do

for you, Reverend?

Well, I decided to build a new church.

Um

and I've come about uh

financing it. Ah, financing the

>> [clears throat]

>> Smith.

How many times must you be told that

you're not supposed to handle these

things? Will you please? Thank you,

Smith.

Uh

what would you be needing, Reverend?

30,000.

Oh, I thought it was a greater entity.

Uh

begging your pardon, sir, but naturally

you'll be able to give us the necessary

guarantee.

Of course.

>> [laughter]

>> La la la.

If you still don't know what's taken

place, you're being robbed, blind.

Take courage and open the safe, brother.

>> And get out your money.

>> Or else.

>> I'm not

Kill me if you like.

He said we could kill him.

Uh uh

but well well well well well but

wait, let me get get the key.

You're mistaken, sir.

Isn't that the drawer with your gun

belt?

>> [clears throat]

>> The key is in his desk, Reverend.

Here. Pretty bad not remembering where

the key is. Yeah, main office is up

there. Our manager is a little

forgetful.

>> [clears throat]

>> Get with it. Yeah. Keep an eye on the

door.

All right, fellas. Fill it up.

>> Yes, sir. Cer- certainly. Come on. Come

on.

Smith. Yes, sir. You're

You're fired, Smith. You Oh, thank you,

sir.

Smith.

>> Yes, sir. You're hired. Huh?

Thank you, Reverend.

Really? Oh, how much do you want?

>> will do fine, Reverend. The normal bank

interest. All right.

Uh let's move IT, REVEREND.

SMITH.

>> [screaming]

>> SMITH, YOU CAN'T LEAVE JUST LIKE THAT.

I'M SORRY, SIR. You are right.

I was going away without saying goodbye.

>> [sighs]

>> Wait. Wait for me. Don't leave me,

Reverend. Get on your horse. Move it.

BUT IT'S NOT MY HORSE. I Who the hell

cares? I CAN'T EVEN RIDE. THE ONLY WAY

TO LEARN is to get on one.

LET'S GO.

THIEVES.

HELP US.

LET'S WAIT FOR ME.

WAIT.

>> [bell]

[music]

>> MY HORSE GO AROUND.

GET OUT.

RUN.

>> [screaming]

>> RUN.

NO, I'm sure the color They were just as

black as coal. They're just like yours,

sir.

The blond fellow's eyes uh were shifty

and

and the tall fellow's beard was

menacing, evil-looking.

Yes, siree. There were two uh old,

despicable, and nefarious-looking

desperados.

Could these two be them? Look at them

closely.

Oh, yes. A certain similarity.

That 2,000 counties made, names unknown,

wanted for murder and robbery, $5,000

reward, dead or alive. We'll be stirring

a lot of bounty killers with this thing,

sir. That's exactly what I want.

Yeah, but uh

these here drawings are approximate.

There's a lot of people look like these

two.

I'm just afraid a lot of innocent

cowhands are going to be carried into

town.

The important thing is that those two

are among them.

3% of 25,000 280 makes uh

1,358 for me.

We each got your pile.

What's wrong, 3%? You're complaining

about your share.

You want to be kidding? With 3% of the

take, I'm a a rich man.

Now, where to put it all?

Yeah. That's what makes me suffer.

Suffer? Well, naturally.

You take money out of a bank and it just

grows old. It doesn't accrue any

interest when it's just sitting around.

It's not working. What are you talking

about?

Do you have any idea how much interest

you'd get on a deposit like that? Uh-uh.

You mean that you'd go and deposit it

again in the bank?

>> I sure would.

>> [laughter]

>> You're a guard, 3%.

Back to earth, kiddies. That dough's

already been put to work.

Probably have to spend it all. Oh,

you're reading my thoughts.

No, cloverhead. We need some new guns to

start with.

Then we got to look respectable. We each

got to buy a house. Since we ain't a

family, we each got to have a place to

live in. Would there be anything else

that we must have?

Yeah. Tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow morning?

It's already too late.

>> [music]

[music]

[laughter]

>> They're mean-looking, ain't they?

They're just plain homely.

That guy looks mean, Charlie.

You're not

You're really not very witty.

>> [laughter]

[music]

[laughter]

>> Haven't you got a gun?

Boom. Bing.

You missed it.

That's not funny.

>> [laughter]

[music]

>> Striking resemblance, ain't it?

Yeah, they're them, all right. And you,

Charlie?

Yeah.

>> [clears throat]

[laughter]

>> Well, now that we've made our

acquaintance and exchanged credentials,

we could even band together, hm?

>> [clears throat]

>> We thought you were a bunch of bounty

killers. Right, Charlie? Yeah.

Instead, they're as sweet a bunch of

crooks as you'll ever come across.

Hm?

>> [music]

[music]

>> Hey, little mouse.

You will drink something killer, LITTLE

MOUSE?

>> [laughter]

>> NO, THANKS, UH

I DON'T DRINK.

>> You will not drink with El Charro? You

only drink water, EH, KID? AGUA?

>> [laughter]

[music]

>> Go ahead and drink, 3%.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> Foolish.

But not bad.

Oh, we're going to have a lot of fun

together.

What do you say, Johnny?

Yeah, in case things go bad, we can

always get up and act in the circus.

Right?

The wheel is about to roll.

I already said so.

>> [music]

>> $500

Zero, zero, the house takes.

House wins.

All right, we know. Excuse me, but my

friend is a little, uh, primitive in his

ways.

I'm afraid he didn't even know how a

zero is made. It's made like a circle,

monsieur.

Eh? The round number, sir.

Round, like this.

You people gone deaf? The man SAID DON'T

MOVE.

GET UP.

AND NO WEAPON.

You will kindly keep your hands raised.

Move, get with it.

Yeah, we'll talk about that later. Have

a good time.

Move.

Didn't you hear what I said?

No, I'm the cashier.

All right, let's get our hands up high.

Much higher.

HE'S OUR CAPTAIN.

>> [laughter]

>> YOU LET ONE CANDLE DROP, I'LL put a hole

in your head.

Quiet.

Captain. It's pure gold.

>> [clears throat]

>> Watch worthy of our general.

Gold, 18 karat is nobody's general, and

you ain't nobody's captain.

The chips HAVE BEEN CAST, GENERAL.

>> [laughter]

>> BANK IS BUSTED.

HOOKED UP WITH Hanigan and his men.

Strange.

I thought those two were more

intelligent. What do you mean?

The advantage was all theirs.

We didn't know their names.

Didn't even have photographs of them.

But now,

now they're hooked up with three

well-known bandits, whose faces and

names appear in every town clear across

the state.

I wonder they realize the mess they got

themselves into.

I hear the chips. You are an expert.

Mr. Nimble Fingers, eh? Thank you. Only

this time you'll count them over again,

slowly, each bill separate.

>> But sir, you don't

you don't really mean this. Slowly and

in front of me.

Do you understand?

Y- yes, sir.

Leave him alone.

I have faith in Smithy.

But I don't.

Well,

I don't think your opinion is worth very

much.

>> [music]

>> No.

We'll consider THE MATTER CLOSED.

>> [screaming]

[screaming]

>> YOU THINK

maybe that by now we established who's

the

the boss here?

I think so.

So, without any more dilly-dally, you'll

get back on your saddle

and get

>> [snorts]

>> next 10 days get yourselves lost.

After that, come back here and we'll

make an appointment for our next job.

Okay.

I'll be seeing you.

>> Well, I guess that's it. Where are you

going?

They're heading north, so I suppose

we'll be going south.

Yeah, you did a fine, smart thing, Ben.

>> Don't forget we got an appointment.

I don't like going to bed with my coat

for a pillow.

Oh, I think I settled their hash for a

long time to come. Yeah.

Poor Ben, he's just a turd. And if you

keep socializing with a snake, you'll

end up being a dead turd.

You were afraid you were going to get

hurt.

You going to explain maybe what your

gripe is? I'll explain it.

I'm busting my gut with two guys batting

me.

But you didn't give a damn, Charlie,

because you were too afraid to help me.

Yeah.

>> [sighs]

>> Well, I I figured you could handle it

alone. It was fun, wasn't it?

You were beautiful.

Cross-eyed man, he said to me,

"Let it rain or let it pour, but I don't

care

if the sun [music] won't shine.

I've been here and I've been there. I

even went to Arkansas, where I found me

a friend.

I call him my friend.

Let [music] it rain, I said let it pour.

I don't care if

the [music] old man snores.

West of the Great Divide,

I'm going east to Santa Fe.

Grab me a ride, we're riding blind,

going down the county line.

>> [music]

>> Let it rain or let it pour,

I can hear the people say, [music]

"Play your song, it won't take long,

like a natural ragtime band."

Big leg hides, she can't get high, she

just sits and sings the blues.

Hey, what are you doing with my pistol,

Charlie?

Huh?

You know, Ben,

I can't say that I envy you with all

your responsibilities.

When you're boss, you got to know all

the rules. For example,

and first,

if you're top cheese, you better not go

around without your gun on you.

Thanks. Now, give me the gun.

Rule number two, you're going to play

boss, don't turn your back on the enemy.

So, Mebbe, give me that satchel.

I always thought you were a friend. You

ain't supposed to have friends. A real

boss don't trust nobody,

especially when it comes to money.

You're a coward.

That's what you are. And you're a

blundering idiot.

I hope you learned your lesson, Beppo,

you'll cuz from now on you're going to

have to do it all on your own.

As for that coward called Charlie,

you want to find him, go to Silvertown.

Okay, Charlie, he's up there.

And one other thing, you got to make

sure that nobody tampers with your

equipment. That's part of the grind of

being a boss.

It's all part of the grind.

You flat-footed, goat-herding,

dung-herder,

peace, brother.

>> What about this one?

I just bought her.

The Lord be with you.

Could you change $10?

There's a way, please, man.

Certainly.

How are you, Beppo?

Peace, brother. Yeah.

Ben, they're crawling all over the

place. We'd have trouble getting into

town, let alone the bank. We'll just

have to lay low for a while, man. That's

all we've been doing, boss. But we've

still got 50,000 from our last job.

>> So, what do we do? Put it in the bank

and live off the interest?

>> not such a bad idea. If we put those

50,000 in the bank, huh, at the interest

rate of 3%.

You see, we got a genius here in

mathematics. You expect us to go along

with that? No.

How we can pull off a job just the same.

They expect us in the big cities, all

the important towns. Now, instead we go

rob a little bitty bank in some

goat-herding town.

>> With a little bitty safe containing the

money of a goat herd, huh?

>> It's money, ain't it? Besides, there's

no risk. If that idea is the best you

can do, then count me out. A bunch of

nitwits.

For federal deposits, they always choose

a bank that's in a jerkwater town. We

could hoist a half million dollars.

Uh there is a

a place that ought to

be pretty good.

Uh Silvertown. Why would they pick

Silvertown?

Because it's a puke, nitpicking, and the

most goat-herding looking town in all of

creation.

The federal financiers know what they're

doing. They deposit their gold where

nobody's likely to go look for it.

Godforsaken hole where the desert rats

run around like people,

where whoever's left is too tired, too

scared, or just too plain dumb to leave.

The silver load ran dry and the mine

shut down, but the dregs stayed on in

Silvertown. Yeah, just the dregs.

Sheriff, there's two strangers there. I

don't care. They just pick their nose

all the time.

Go on, get them.

>> [clears throat]

>> Welcome, folks. What will you be having?

Rat poison.

Least you clean these up a bit.

>> [music]

>> This worse than a pigsty.

>> That's all they do, let pick their nose.

What did I tell you?

Two clean glasses, sir. Bravo. Now, if

you got a little whiskey that won't put

a hole through your gut, I'll be much

obliged.

This is your first time in Silvertown,

ain't it? Yeah. Don't suppose you could

come back here a second time.

>> doesn't know his picking his nose. This

isn't exactly the Grand Hotel. No, not

exactly, but there's plenty room to park

your bones in, if you know what I mean.

We we ain't hot. Uncomfort, but if you

don't mind roughing it,

I'm not in the mood. There's just too

many weird mugs running around here.

You see, I

I don't carry a pistol.

Did you hear what he said? He said,

"Look, I don't carry no pistol." I don't

[clears throat] care.

You pick your own nose, let him pick his

own. Now, it's your turn. Yeah.

If you're looking for a rifle or some

shooting irons, [clears throat] I can

sell them to you. Gun emporium across

the street, next door to the bank. Next

door to the bank. Silvertown savings.

>> Ooh, ain't that nice.

Uh

and at what time

>> Ooh, the bank opens at 3:00 sharp.

Well, I'll be doggoned, a musical watch.

Huh. Amazing. It's pure gold, besides.

Near you, man?

It belonged to a buddy. Ooh.

God only knows where he is now.

Well, what do I owe you? Half a dollar.

3%?

>> Yes, sir.

I'll keep the change. Hey, that

fella has got satchel full of dollars.

Now, you ain't going to make me think

that you're above it all now. Oh, what's

he going to do?

Pick his nose? Hey, you you you'll go.

Half a dollar. No, he knows.

Mhm, no.

>> [clears throat]

>> It's $2.

>> [laughter]

>> I'm working in. IT WAS JUST A BLUFF.

>> [clears throat]

>> SOME ARE WINNERS, SOME ARE LOSERS.

There's nothing in the world you can do

about it. Hey, clown.

Compliments of the house.

>> [clears throat]

[clears throat]

[laughter]

>> $52,300.

And you're certain, sir, that you want

to deposit it here? Ain't this a bank?

Oh, of course, sir, but we don't usually

handle deposits.

>> But the your safe is secure. By all

means, sir. It's a Henschal and Schuster

model 666, approved by the society

and by the society of bunch I'll get

your receipt. Now, with all these

robberies, I'll feel better when

I mean, really, it's been

>> From this moment on, sir, your money's

under the protection of the Silvertown

Savings and Loan Bank of California.

With this receipt, sir, you'll be able

to draw cash whenever or wherever you

like. Even if you're in New York or San

Francisco, anywhere as long as you're

not going abroad.

It's official-looking.

>> Yeah.

Everything's in order. I'll put the

money immediately in my hands.

>> [music]

[laughter]

[clears throat]

>> Well, boss's plan [music] was perfect,

huh, boys? Clever and careful. Except

for one little thing.

>> [music]

>> YOU'RE A RAT, DOG!

>> [laughter]

>> SMIDTY.

THEY'RE GETTING AWAY.

HOLD IT.

YOU'LL NEVER get all three, sir. There's

only one shot in that barrel. YOU SHUT

UP.

I GOT HIM. AND GET THAT SATCHEL, YOU

IDIOT.

>> [screaming]

>> SHERIFF, THEY'RE SHOOTING. YOU GOT TO GO

OUTSIDE, YOU

YES, SIR. [clears throat]

Just a minute.

I'm Mayberry's sheriff from

Fudge and Gobblygook.

My name is Assistant Sheriff Connie with

all that cetera, cetera, cetera. And I'm

here to hear from you. Oh, I don't

expect miracles. You don't go picking

your nose. Go on.

You need help?

Yeah.

But maybe you would send a telegram out

out to the vigilantes.

BEN,

WHERE ARE YOU?

BEN, YOU OKAY?

BEN. [screaming]

SMIDTY.

I KNEW THEY could never get you, Ben.

They didn't make it, did they?

No.

>> [clears throat]

>> They're not going to.

The money's still out there.

They're not going anywhere.

I only wish, Ben, that I

I could have helped you.

Never met me and

it it would have been better. No. No.

I'd always been afraid

until I

I met you guys.

I had just grown old

behind my cage

counting other people's money.

>> At 3%, huh?

I'm glad that I met you.

I'm

glad that I

>> [music]

>> Silvertown.

Never heard of it. Would you know where

that is?

>> Silvertown? Ain't far, sir. Just north

of here, about 30 mile. Ain't nothing

but a ghost town. Yeah, we could get

there in under 2 hours.

Let's get the men together. We'll leave

right away.

Ready?

He's here.

Guess what?

I was able to get a message through.

Vigilantes will be here in 2 hours.

>> [music]

>> Take it easy, Smidty. [laughter] It's

me.

>> [music]

[screaming]

[screaming and groaning]

>> Listen, I didn't ask you for any help

from you, did I? Will you shut up?

They telegraphed for help. In 2 hours,

every sheriff in the state will be here.

Well, you got your money back at the

bank, YOU FOOL. SO, WHY THE HELL don't

you get out of here? Because they

murdered 3%. He was our friend. I

suppose you couldn't give a damn. I

don't need you, Charlie. So, go on and

get the hell out of here. ONCE AND FOR

YOU GOSH DARN IDIOT.

>> [clears throat]

>> IF I DON'T BUST YOU ONE, IT'S only

because you'll make too MUCH NOISE. NOW,

GO ON. GET YOURSELF KILLED. I'D LOVE TO

SEE THE SAWDUST COME flying out of that

scatterbrained wooden head of yours.

Charlie.

You were right about those three and

everything. I know.

Oh, if you were with us

If you were with us, Charlie, we could

have still made it.

If I got a little ornery, it's cuz

it's because they killed 3% like they

did. You understand?

Huh, Charlie, huh? Sure.

Yeah, Charlie. You were always pretty

good at

figuring things out, so you'll

understand. I'm the one that's got to

handle this whole mess.

Beat it, Charlie, while you still got

the time, huh?

Go on. Be a good guy.

Look, I'm going to follow through on

this.

I don't care what it cost.

Okay, Ben.

So long, little darlin'.

I'll come out a winner.

I mean it. I've got it made.

Adios.

HEY, CHARRO!

I'm over here!

NO, NOT THERE, OVER HERE!

OVER HERE!

CHARRO! [screaming]

NOT THERE, YOU PIG! TURN AROUND!

CHARRO!

>> [laughter]

>> CHARRO!

>> [screaming]

[laughter]

>> LET'S GO!

>> [bell]

>> HEY, HANNIGAN!

YOU FILTHY, BALD-HEADED MONSTER!

You hear me?

What do you want?

To inform you that in 10 minutes a horde

of vigilantes will be riding IN LIKE A

PACK OF BEES.

And so?

So I thought we ought to come to an

agreement, huh, Baldi?

We're the only ones left.

YOU'VE GOT THE HORSE AND I'VE GOT THE

MONEY.

HOW ABOUT EXCHANGING?

I expected it, Ben. How's that?

Cuz your pistol has no bullets in it.

>> [music]

>> I'm waiting for an answer.

You hear my answer, baldy bean?

Let's go, Ben.

You get a horse, I get the money.

You sure look mean.

Maybe we ought to chuck the weapons,

huh?

Let's get with it.

You know, my friend Charlie used to say

you had the poison of a rattlesnake and

the meanness of a

boa constrictor.

I used to say he ain't all that vile,

Charlie.

He's just vermin.

A coward.

One who might even plug you in the back.

Huh?

You weren't wrong, EITHER. RIGHT,

HANNIGAN?

>> [music]

>> THE VIGILANTES! I KNEW IT! HOLY

SUFFERING CATFISH! HOLY MOSES!

THERE'S A THOUSAND OF THEM! SHOOT TO

KILL!

THEY'RE COMING AT YOU!

LOOK LIKE THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT

BRIGADE!

COME ON! LOOK HERE, WE GOT COMPANY!

HEY! I WAS THE ONE that called you! It

was me! EDDIE FAUKNER!

I'M TELLING YOU ABOUT THE VIGILANTES!

IT WAS ME!

THIS WAY! THERE'S A DESERT OUT THERE!

THERE AIN'T NO DESERT OUT THERE! TRYING

TO TELL ME I don't know what I'm doing?

Come on!

I know THIS COUNTRY LIKE MY OWN

BACKYARD!

IT'S NICE HERE, THOUGH.

NO DESERT, HUH? AH, come on. Don't get

technical.

You deal and you duck.

You follow.

Don't you?

Huh?

He gave me the slip, huh, Charlie?

How about that, huh?

That's cuz no one's stupid enough to

to cross a desert like you. Desert?

You're [sighs] exaggerating.

This is a little bit parched. We'll be

out of here 100 miles or so. We'll be

out of here

and filthy rich. And dead. We got

50,000.

Plus another 50 if you count the receipt

we got from the bank.

Ha! Come on, goatherder. Time's a

wasting.

You did it, didn't you, Dancin' Kid?

You'll fall on your

>> Smack on your can, you lamebrain idiot.

What are you talking about?

Ah, I was feeling as A FELLOW. AH, SHUT

UP. I was feeling as a fellow.

Charlie.

CHARLIE!

CHARLIE, LET'S TAKE IT. COME ON,

CHARLIE.

HEY!

>> [screaming]

>> HEY!

HEY!

HEY!

SHH.

WE'RE WINNING, CHARLIE. COME ON.

HEY!

HEY!

HEY!

HEY!

>> [laughter]

>> HEY! HOLD ON! WAIT!

JUMP IN!

HURRY UP!

GIVE ME A HAND!

COME ON, JUMP!

GET OUT! HUH? WHAT'S THE MATTER?

>> I I

I SLIPPED IN. HEY! HUH? OKAY, IT'S UP TO

YOU.

STOP!

>> [screaming]

>> HEY!

THIS AIN'T YOUR JOB!

IT'S YOUR BAD. HUH?

UH, NO. NO.

A bullet wound.

Ah, how do you feel, Dancin' Kid? Ah,

that's good.

>> [sighs]

>> I knew it.

You're sulking again.

Right?

Yeah.

You damn straight. Play it nice,

Charlie. Play it nice.

Yeah.

Charlie.

Charlie.

Ain't nice, huh?

I

I

I didn't

kill you.

Charlie.

>> [sighs and gasps]

>> Yeah, you damn

Yeah.

What's the matter, Charlie?

He discouraged?

You you you you you got to let a little

thing like the desert get you down?

Listen, Charlie. A-

No bird turn this time, goatherder. I

mean it. You listen, Charlie? I got A

GREAT IDEA. FANTASTIC.

LISTEN, CHARLIE. With your shooting and

and the ideas I got, we got it made.

Why, who can STOP US, CHARLIE? WHO CAN

STOP US?

Let it [music] rain. I said, let it

pour.

I don't care if the poor man snores.

[music]

West of the Great Divide,

I'm going

to Santa Fe.

>> [music]

>> Grab me a ride, we're riding blind,

>> [music]

>> going down the county line.

Let it rain or [music] let it pour,

I can hear the people say,

Play your song, it won't take long, like

a natural ragtime band.

Big Lake Alice can't get high, she just

sits and sings the blues.

>> [music]

>> Oh, yeah.

She's been told.

>> [music]

>> Let it rain, let it pour.

The