All language subtitles for iuopu

- Richard Nixon
High wasn't the worst place

to spend four years.

Well for the most part.

By and large, it was your
average suburban high school

full of self-segregated
cliques and stereotypical angst

and at the top of the food
chain, the rich and beautiful.

That's us.

There's me, Mindy Lipschitz.

The assault victim.

And the girl with the Home
Alone look on her face.

- That's Jodi, my best friend.

We've been best friends
since third grade.

I'm the one with the
unfortunate eye patch.

As you can see, my school
kind of sucked for us

and so did Jodi's aim.

- Zombie fascist!

- Intended
target, Whitney Bennett,

voted most likely to be
charged with war crimes.

She was 5'7" of sculpted,
flawless, sociopath.

Actual target.

- Son of a...

- Principal Whitmore,

tormenting students since 1979.

- So sorry!

- And that's how
this whole thing started,

the rock that
launched a revolution.

- X-Files is on tonight.

- Can't, I have homework.

- What the F?

We get detention and
Whitney does a hair flip

and gets off Scot-free.

- Well if it makes
you feel any better,

in at least one of the
infinite multiverses,

she doesn't.

Hey, I know it seems
like high school

is the center of this
universe right now.

- Do not say it gets better.

Next year you'll be
in Nerdvana at MIT

and I'll still be here

serving quadruple bypass
burgers at TGI Fridays.

- Or you could be
serving an entirely new

and decidedly
classier set in Boston

when you come to live with me.

- Great.

So in every multiverse
you know of,

I'm still waiting tables.

That's awesome.

- I gotta go.

I've got family
jazzercise at five.

It's gonna get physical!

- Good luck
with that jazzercising!

- I am in control!

- Weirdo!

- Maniac!

- Hey Dad!

- Hey hon.

Mm mmm something smells
scrum-diddly-icious.

How was school?

Legalized torture paid for
by the American taxpayer.

- Did you make the appointment
with the college counselor?

Jodi, you're
graduating this year.

I think it's time you figured
out where you're headed.

- Most likely into a menial job
that doesn't pay a living wage

so I can become a cog
in the 21st century's

version of serfdom.

- When did you start
speaking like Trotsky?

Look, I just want
you to be happy.

I want you to find
something that you love.

Follow your dreams.

- So single 40-something
postal carrier

with a PEZ collection

- Hey, this PEZ collection
is gonna be valuable one day

and single and widow are two
completely different things.

- I know.

Dad, I mean it's
been five years.

You know, you're not
getting any younger.

- Age is just a number.

- That closely
correlates with death.

- You want me to start dating?

- I just want you to find
something you love, Herb.

Follow your dreams.

- I'll find a date if
you find a direction.

- One of those things is a
lot easier than the other.

- It's not finding a date...

- And it's not
finding a direction.

All right, so here's a new song.

I hope you enjoy it
and by you, I mean me

because I would rather admit
that Taylor Swift's music

has touched my cold, dark
heart than show it to anybody.

It's called Suburbageddon.

- Bernoulli's theorem
will be on test next week.

Uh hey Mindy, could you uh
stick around for a nanosecond?

- Oh did my
spectrofloatometer malfunction.

I knew I should have gotten...

- Hey, slow down, Sonic.

I spoke with my old roommate

who is on the
alumni board at MIT

and she agreed to set up a
special interview for you.

- Are you serious?

- As a radiation leak.

- Oh my god, this is perfect.

Okay, next step
is the interview,

then get in obviously, get
first pick for all my classes,

graduate with honors and
then it will set me up

for one of the more
prestigious graduate programs.

- Mindy, one step at a time.

College is about more than
just classes and grades.

It's about exploring,
having fun.

I remember staying up
all night with my friends

solving proofs,
cracking equations.

It was pretty wild.

But some of my best memories
are just hanging out,

meeting new people,
living on the edge.

God I miss college.

- Well in my experience,
meeting new people

usually leads to relentless
mockery by said people.

- Don't you think that's
a little pessimistic.

Give people a chance.

They can often surprise you.

- That is a point worth
considering, Mr. Samuels.

- Go forth.

Go!

The world is ready
to embrace you.

- Boo loser.

- Eventually.

- Since Mr. Samuels was
basically my real-life Yoda,

I knew he was right.

He'd proven it was time
to give people a chance.

I think we should ask
Whitney to stop torturing us.

- Did you forget to wear
your gas mask in lab again?

- Whitney's a person too, right?

If we approach her like
confident, mature adults,

she will respect us and then
we can coexist in peace.

- Of all the douche-nozzles
in this school,

Whitney is the worst.

- She hasn't been that horrible.

- What the?

- Okay fine.

But it's this or suffer
from abject humiliation

for the rest of the year.

- So I said to her if you
don't stay away from Rick,

I will call the police and
say that you molested my hat

and you have to register
for that.

- I'm here.

- Took you long enough.

- One center cut rare,

three meatball
subs, extra sauce,

a hard boiled egg
and a Kombucha.

- I'm going to die a virgin
and you don't even care.

- Shh.

- Are you guys selling
band candy or something?

- Actually, no.

We were wondering if we
could talk to Whitney

for a second.

- Do you have an appointment?

I want to hear what Bill Nye
and the lesbian have to say.

- Hello.

We know that there has
been some bad blood

between us throughout the
years, but we are seniors now

and there is no reason
why we can't finish off

the school year being
civil to each other.

We thought that if we came
and spoke to you like adults,

we could come to some sort of
mutually beneficial agreement.

- Wow.

I applaud your courage.

Okay.

- Wait what?

- It didn't occur to me
until this exact moment

that I kind of respect you.

You didn't change
yourself to blend in,

which is much more
than can be said

for the rest of
these automatons.

- Well I'm glad we could
come to this understanding.

- Actually, Colin's throwing
a party this Saturday.

You should come.

- Thank you for coming.

Friends don't let
friends drive drunk.

Ow.

The mean attractiveness
of this party

is statistically significant.

How do I look?

- Soccer mom goes
to the Olive Garden.

I guess we should...

- Colin!

- Thank you for hosting us.

You have a lovely home.

My mom says never come
to a party empty handed.

- Sweet.

- Oh.

- Have fun, baby.

Hey bro, we got next game.

- Oh my god.

Is that really how I just
saw my first human penis?

- See, we are diversifying

our portfolio of high
school experiences already.

That contains Colin's urine.

- Hey.

MIT and what was it?

How's it going, guys?

- Well we haven't
been roofied yet so.

- Wow.

Aren't you enchanting?

- This is her trying to be nice.

- I'm hoping to get time off

from this conversation
for good behavior.

- You're funny, Wellesley.

- Thanks, Penn State.

- I'm Dave by the way.

- We were lab partners
sophomore year.

- Um Mandy.

- Mindy.

- Mindy like...

- Like Mindy.
- Like Mindy, cool.

Any reason it would be awkward
for me not to know your name?

- Not unless you're
an avid follower

of the piccolo section in
the school marching band.

- Ah I'm more of a tuba
section guy myself.

- Well then I'm Jodi.

- Hi.

- There you guys are.

Welcome to the 1%.

Follow me.
- Our pleasure.

- Good luck!

- Cool, right?

Go fetch some drinks for
our guests of honor, please.

- Oh that's not, not.

- Dorks, balls now.

- They want you to play pong.

- Like ping?

- No, beer.

- Oh.

- Thank you.

- Boom!

Drink.

- I think it's gone bad.

- No, that's just
what beer tastes like.

- I don't lose.

- You did it!
- Yeah!

- Excuse me!

Hello everyone.

Can I have your
attention please?

- Shh!

- Whitney would like
to say a few words.

- As you may have noticed,

we have some new
additions tonight,

Jodi Shallenberger
and Mindy Lipschitz.

- Shit lips!

- Not so funny after four years.

- Now, most of us
walk past these two

and have never bothered
to get to know them.

So I put together a little
video of our very own Jodi

so we could all learn
a bit more about her.

- Someone's ballin'.

- Who's Jodi?

Oh.

- Well any requests?

♪ Ooh eczema, I'm
gonna vanquish ya ♪

Yow!

Oh you're such a good kisser.

I'd party down with you
any time, Adam Scott.

- You know how there are the
birds and there are the bees.

How familiar are you
with male anatomy?

- Oh my god, Dad, I am 17.

- Hon, got your tampons.

- Dad!

No, I need maximum flow.

I told you, Dad!

- Oh no!

- Jodi, wait!

You're all mean!

Jodi!

- You're late.

- How epic was prank eight?

I want to be you when I grow up.

- If you're going to
be in power next year,

this is your new Bible,
the 48 Laws of Power.

I suggest you heed
law number one.

- Never outshine the master.

- Your lawnmower man
is like so happy.

- Don't wave!

Mackenzie, drive.

♪ Reach all the stars

♪ 'Cause you are my friend

♪ And you're killing
it every day ♪

- Hey, Jodi.

It's me, your best friend.

Um I'm at school right
now and you know,

it is really,
really not that bad.

Oy vey.

- Oh my god, have you seen
Jodi's Instagram feed?

Someone tagged a photo of
her on a box of tampons.

That is really not right.
- Oh my god.

- That prank was pretty
twisted, Whitney.

Even for you.

I mean, how mental
do you have to be

to put that much effort

into messing with
a couple of nerds

- All I had to do was teach
myself how to hack a webcam,

figure out Jodi's IP address

and then trick her
into responding

to a spyware email I
learned how to write.

- You guys are demonic.

You're like medieval
to each other.

- I will not allow
Big Bang Theory

and her frizzy-haired lap dog

to roam the halls of this school

thinking that for one
second they are my equal.

- Law 15, crush
your enemy totally.

- Right.

- Oh Jodi, coming in.

Remember that only
my opinion matters.

Hey, I brought you something.

I brought you my
favorite book on Tesla,

who was also totally defeated

and humiliated in his lifetime

and has since
regained popularity

and had a resurgence of respect.

Also brought some cookies.

They'll be good in an hour.

And a mint.

Yeah!

Oh.

You know, one day we are
gonna look back on this

and it is going to be...

- Uh just stop, Mindy.

I told you this
was gonna happen.

People like Whitney
don't change.

God, I knew I shouldn't have
clicked on that attachment.

New Tina Fey series,
piccolo players wanted.

- Okay, all right.

No, no.

No.

We're not accepting defeat.

Do we accept defeat?

No.

- I'm sure you understand
the definition of winning.

This...

Not winning.

- Hey.

I am serious.

We are gonna stand
up for ourselves.

- Yeah?

And how exactly are
we gonna do that?

- By beating those
fascists at their own game.

We're gonna be popular.

And not lame top 40
popular, awesome popular.

All of us.

All of the people
they have treated

like second class citizens

and then copied their
calculus homework.

- Popular people
don't take calculus.

- I know because
they are stupid dolts

who are gonna go to below
average universities

and get mediocre grades

and still end up
being our bosses

unless we do something
about it right now.

- Just like that, we're
gonna overthrow generations

of ingrained high
school social strata?

- Yes.

Is there anything we have
ever put our minds to

that we have not accomplished?

- Well we didn't get
Firefly back on the air.

- Shh!

Besides getting Firefly
back on the air.

- Then...

No.

- Let's do this.

Boom!

And so it was.

The revolution was born.

And Tina Fey, if
you're listening,

I'd still play piccolo for you.

- Power to the peons.

The facts were simple.

There were more of us
than there were of them.

So all we had to do was
convince the outsiders,

misfits and weirdos of the
school to ban together.

Basically we were gonna
unionize the outcasts.

Power to the peons.

- Unfortunately,
it wasn't that simple.

- Oh!

- Well that was a lucky shot.

Gross, but lucky.
- Yeah.

- Power to the peons!

- Hi guys.

I am Claire,
ambassador troop 2579.

- Welcome, Claire.

- I like where your
horse head's at.

Going straight Godfather, huh?

- It's a unicorn for
my spirit animal badge.

- You do realize that
this is a meeting

to launch a social revolution.

- Yup, I'm in.

Whatever you guys need.

- Oh great.

Well why don't you
take a seat inside

and we will be with you shortly.

- Yay!

We talked to pretty much
every misfitoy in this school

and the only thing we have to
show for it is Marcia Brady.

- Hey, all revolutions
have to start somewhere.

Oh my god, Sugar Jones
incoming 12 o'clock.

- No eye witnesses.

- Activate shield.

- I hear you're
trying to obliterate

the jackhole normative
power hierarchy

of this pathetic
excuse for a school.

- Well obliterate is kind
of extreme, but yeah.

- I'm in.

- Okay, we may be
small in number,

but we're all here
for a reason, right?

- Right.

Wait, why are we here?
- Jesus.

I say we just burn this mother
down and be done with it.

- Arson sounds like
a fabulous plan.

- But if we need
to get more people,

we could go door to door
like I do with cookies.

It's an excellent way
to bond with people

in a place where they feel
comfortable being themselves.

- Screw Girl Scout cookies,

an obvious conspiracy
to subjugate girls

and force them into
traditional gender roles

by selling overpriced,
unremarkable,

and nutritionally-deficient
baked goods.

- We suck at this.

This isn't a revolution,
this is a girl band.

We need someone who
can work the system,

Karl Rove good witch style.

- Wait.

- Virginia.

- As president of the History,

Young Democrats,

Multi United
Nations Club, I am...

- Virginia
Vanderkamp had locked up

most likely to succeed
in third grade.

Our junior year,
Virginia launched

the culmination of
all her hard work,

a campaign for student
council president.

She had a well-oiled
political machine

and several key endorsements.

- Vote for me, Virginia.

Do you want a pin?
- Hey Twilight, go Kyle.

- But despite her
best efforts, she lost

to Kyle McDevon.
- Chipotle burritos, yeah!

- Whose campaign
speech consisted of

giving out free
Chipotle gift cards.

- You want a burrito, Virginia?

- And spectacular abs.

- Oh yeah!

- After a crushing defeat,

she went where many a depressed

and disgruntled American
has gone before,

France.

Needless to say,
she didn't come back

from summer break the same.

- What's your shirt say?

- Hell is other people.

- Next.

- Oh this girl
definitely owns a pony.

- Does anyone
else feel underdressed?

- Speak.

- Hi, Virginia.

This is Mindy Lipschitz,
Jodi Shallenberger,

Sugar Jones and
Claire the Girl Scout.

We were trying to upend the
social hierarchy of our school.

- Or destroy it.

- And we could use your help.

- I'm not interested
in your futile attempts

to make sense of
the world's chaos.

Be gone.

- We were actually thinking
more along the lines of revenge.

- What?

We tried to talk to all
the different groups,

but nobody wanted
to join the cause.

You think all the
outcasts are the same,

but really we're
like snowflakes,

snowflakes that hate each other.

Let me break it down for you.

You've got your basic
overachievers, your underachievers,

your emos, your goths, your
bandos, your drama dorks,

orchestra oddballs and gleeks.

Kids lost in space, kids
who take up too much space,

your steampunk, cyber
punk, classic punk,

kids with foreign parents,
kids who are parents,

Twihards, kids who try too hard,

kids who write binary, kids
who reject the gender binary,

gamers, stoners,
loners, anarchists,

activists, masochists,
and atheists.

There are more strains
of loser out there

than the herpes virus.

Uniting them under one
banner, that is no easy task.

- So we're screwed.

- I said it wasn't easy, I
didn't say it was impossible.

- What is this place?

- It used to be my
campaign headquarters.

Prior to that it was
used by my father

to house his miniature
horse collection.

Prior to that it was used by
my schizophrenic grandfather

to interrogate
imaginary communists.

He won an imaginary
medal for that.

- Man, rich white
people are messed up.

- When I was running for office,

I did a little
research on the voters.

- So this is where the
NSA stores its data.

- These files represent
the entire student body.

Each one of them contains
your standard class list,

GPA, activities, hobbies,
psychological profile,

past and current lovers, and
most importantly weaknesses.

- No effing way.

- Point of weakness,
Tina Fey piccolo.

Geeze am I that transparent?

- Overtly aggressive,
lack of impulse control

militant with
anarchist undertones.

Nice.

- Latent Napoleonic tendencies.

What does yours say, Claire?

- It just says Girl Scout.

- What's in your file, Virginia?

- I don't have any weaknesses.

These three files
represent the king pins

of the school's underclass.

Convince them and you
have a shot at this thing.

The key is figuring out
what makes people tick

and then exploiting
it mercilessly.

- I like you, Virginia

even if you are named
after a slave state.

- First up, Howard Chang,

leader of the young
entrepreneurs.

Points of weakness,
black mock turtlenecks,

technology savvy women
and the word billion.

- I get what you
guys are going for.

I think it's very innovative,

but it's just not right for us.

We're working on an app right
now that's gonna blow up.

Asiavous, Facebook for Asians.

And besides, I've got
to look to the future,

not worry about high school.

I still have to get

before I can start
my first company.

- Here's to the crazy ones,
the misfits, the rebels.

You can quote them or
disagree with them,

but the only thing you
can't do is ignore them

because they change things.

- Do you know who said that?

Apple and that is why
they make billions.

- Next is Martin Vimmel,

head of the Science
Fiction Club.

Points of weakness, hard sci-fi,

the sound of his own voice
and very aggressive women.

- Okay, here's the deal.

Just because you're
a science geek,

doesn't mean we're
your comrades in arms.

Science is about what is.

Any idiot can do that.

Science-fiction is
about what could be.

- We're huge Dr. Who fans.

- Yeah, the Matt Smith years

completely turned
the series around.

- Completely.

- Tell you what,
give me the title

of one Neal Stephenson
novel, just one,

and I'll join your little group.

- You think skinny,
anemic fanboys

have a monopoly on the
one fictional genre

where women and people of color

get to exist outside of
backwards societal norms

and traditional confinements?

Not to mention a genre
largely premised on the idea

that future dystopia is
the inevitable outcome

of the current system
of patriarchal excess?

Idiot.

Oh and Cryptonomicon,
Snow Crash, Anathem.

Should I go on?

- Louis Hammerschmidt,
leader of the Fantasy Club.

Points of weakness,
Elven languages,

heroic aspirations
and any woman.

- Whitney Bennett is the Cersei
Lannister of high school.

You can play the Game
of Thrones with her.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going
to end up like Ned Stark.

- Louis, think of it like this.

What if Frodo hadn't
left the Shire

and fought against
the Dark Lord?

- Louis.

Thanks for the ride.

- I'm really glad
I'm helping you guys

with this whole thing.

I've always admired you.

- Really?

Why?

- You're just so
unapologetic for who you are.

- That's been a
recurring problem.

- So when did you know?

- That I rubbed
people the wrong way?

- I haven't heard that
one before, but yeah.

- Um you know, I guess it
was pretty obvious since

I was a kid, but I really hit
my stride in middle school.

- I rub people
the wrong way too.

I mean, I haven't actually yet.

But I want to someday.

First I have to figure
out how to tell them.

- That you're rude
and obnoxious?

- That I'm gay.

- It's so great to talk to
somebody who's already out.

You're like my hero.

With that sign on your back
announcing that you were gay,

I could not believe
how brave you were.

- Okay first of all,

someone put that sign
on my back as a prank

and secondly, why does
everyone think I'm gay?

- You do wear a lot of vests.

- Huh.

- I'm sorry, I just,
I thought that...

- No, it's okay.

I'm really glad
that you told me.

So...

When did you know?

- I think it finally
clicked when I realized

I didn't just love
Veronica Mars,

I loved Veronica Mars.

- Preach.

- I will, I will see you
at school in the halls.

You know and say hi to me.

- See you later.
- See you.

- Things are happening, Herb.

Things are happening.

- Yes they are.

New York Performing Arts School.

Deal's a deal.

I have a date with Carol

and you have a
date with destiny.

- Find love today.

- Things are happening.

- Raise your hand if
you've ever eaten lunch

in a bathroom stall.

Been made fun of
because of your weight,

ethnicity, sexual orientation,

or knowledge of the
periodic table of elements.

- Well it's time we
did something about it.

It's been 42 seconds and I
still don't know your product,

your plan or your profit point.

If you want to endlessly
pontificate start a blog.

- We have a blog.

It's called
WeCanTellYouThePlan.tumbler.com.

- Oh no, here comes
angry black girl.

- Oh I'm not angry
because I'm black.

I'm angry because
I'm paying attention.

- All we're saying is that
if we don't stick together,

we have no chance of standing
up to the evil empire.

- What you're proposing is
like the Rebel Alliance.

- Star Wars, classic sci-fi.

- I'm sorry to interrupt,

but I think Star Wars
technically constitutes fantasy.

- Uh in what galaxy?

- It's an archetypal
hero's quest.

That's fantasy.

- Um yeah, set in a
technologically advanced society

with space ships.

- And sword fighting.

- Light sabers are not swords.

- What about the Force?

That's magic.

- Which was scientifically
explained by midichlorians.

- Are you actually citing
the prequels to me right now?

- Why do we have two
sci-fi nerds here?

- He's sci-fi, I'm fantasy.

It's totally different.

- Totally different.

- But neither of
you get laid, right?

- This is exactly the problem.

What is a popular person?

What makes them
different from us?

- Attractiveness.

- Flawless skin.

- A large number of followers.

- Wrong.

That's what they
want you to think

because they need you to believe

that it's hard to be popular.

The only difference
between them and us

So while we're sitting here
tearing each other apart

over who would win in a battle

between Batman
and Green Lantern.

- Batman.
- Green Lantern.

- They're sitting pretty
and ruling our school.

- So what are you asking
for, blind loyalty,

that we just pretend
we're all friends?

- No, not blind
loyalty, real loyalty.

We all have something in common.

We've been kept on the
outskirts of a school

that we help make great and...

- We are the movers
and the shakers.

We are the club presidents
and the innovators.

We are the ones with our hands

on the beating
pulse of otherness

that make America the best
effing country in the GD world.

So I say let's stop
bending over and taking it

and stand together.

And so it began, our
Independence Day.

At first, the
changes were small,

a smile here,

a random act of
non-douche baggery there.

In shared struggles, former
enemies forged new alliances.

- Lactards unite.

- Some of us
learned the ancient art

of not getting our asses kicked.

- So I'll try not
to hurt you too...

to design innovative
solutions to age-old problems.

- What's up, turtleneck?

I lost my iPhone and
I'm gonna need yours.

You've got five seconds
to hand it over.

What the hell is that?

What are you gonna
do, Dildo Baggins?

- Hi-yah!

- Get him!

Smells like Comic
Con in here anyway.

- Yes!

- And once the outcasts

became a united front,

the rest of the school
fell like dominoes.

Political power, check.

Never getting picked last again.

- Come on!

- Check.

- And that is why the
singularity is near.

- Debate tournaments were in.

Organized sports were out.

And slowly, things began
to actually change.

Dork was the new popular.

- Ow!

Every flavor of weirdo was
breaking bread together.

- We should do
something to celebrate

how awesome we are.

- Yeah, even the goths
look kind of happy.

- Guys, we just pulled off the
bloodless coup of the century

and it is...

- Probably just a
phase or something.

Like I herd Mercury is
supposedly going renegade.

- Here's the truth.

One day, I will be in a place

where power isn't determined
by acned suburban subliterates

and that place
will be Princeton.

But for now, I have to
cater to these morons

who apparently think
pretending they're popular

actually means they're popular.

What's law number five?

Much depends on our reputation.

Guard it with our life, get it?

So right now I'd say it's
pretty clear that we are...

- Mmm toast.

- The thing about power
is when you don't have it,

someone else does.

So you say phase and
I say insurrection

the only response to
insurrection is to crush it.

Quickly.

- Stephanie, purple is
definitely your color.

Chase, good luck on that
first chair open audition.

Sarah, your Blanche
DuBois was transcendental.

Hey, you, me, Magic
the Gathering.

Fifth period, whoo!

Oh Mr. Samules.

Methane!

I'm just goofing.

- Oh well.

Nice balls, Milton.

- Shenanigans.

- Geeze, like
Pandora's box opened up

and it was filled with
weirdos and losers.

Oh what's that?

Yup.

- Every scientist
needs an arch nemesis.

He's right though.

The school does seem
different lately.

You have anything
to do with that?

- I can neither prove nor
disprove that hypothesis.

I can't help but thinking it
is exactly the type of person

who would go over like
gangbusters in an MIT interview.

- Gangbusters.

I don't know, I've got
it narrowed down to two.

I've got maroon and black

and I'm not sure which
goes better with my dickey,

but my dickey kind of
goes with everything

and I keep thinking what
would Neil deGrasse Tyson do,

but then again I'm not
Neil deGrasse Tyson,

but then again.

- Mindy, Mindy, stop worrying.

They'd be Darwin Award grade
morons not to take you.

- I keep imagining how
great it would be next year,

me at MIT, you coming to
live with me in Boston.

- Um Mindy, there's
something I've...

- Oh oh!

Okay, I gotta go, that's my mom.

Wish me luck.

- Good luck.

- But then in ninth grade, the
Young Astronomers Association

selected me for the
Rising Star Award,

which I accepted
despite the lazy pun

and then in 10th grade
I won second prize

at the state science fair

for my project anisotropic
versus isotropic materials.

- Okay Mindy, it's clear that

you're a really
talented scientist.

Great grades, great test scores.

But what makes you tick?

What makes you special?

Like okay, when I was at MIT,

I was a member of
the Hacks, right.

Learned more from
pulling off those pranks

than in any class I took so.

- Well as I mentioned,

I am president of the
school science club

and a national merit scholar

and I can recite the entire
periodic table of elements.

Would you like me to?

I can do it.

There's antimony, arsenic,
aluminum, selenium

and hydrogen and oxygen
and nitrogen and rhenium

and nickel, neodymium,
neptunium, germanium

and iron, americium,
ruthenium, uranium,

europium, zirconium,
lutetium, vanadium

and lanthanum and osmium
and astatine and radium

and gold and protactinium and
indium and gallium

and iodine and thorium
and thulium and thallium.

There's...

- Hey.

I saw you dancing.

What's going on?

What you listening to?

- Um Bowie.

What's that, Nickelback?

- Oh yeah, huge Nickelback fan.

Love it.

Canadian icons.

- You like Carole King?

- It makes me feel
like a natural woman.

Who can't relate to that,
you know what I mean?

- Let's not forget that
the last time I saw you,

the most humiliating
moment of my life.

- Yeah, okay.

First of all, I'm sorry.

I had no idea that
was gonna happen.

What's going on in American
Psycho Barbie's head?

No and second of all,

that stuff was not humiliating.

Except in all the ways
that it was humiliating.

I'm surprised you
didn't change schools.

But here look,
hey, positive side.

Eczema song, knocked
it out the park.

- Can you just not?
- Rickets.

Do you have a song about
rickets for my grandad?

He's got rickets.

- I don't, I don't get it.

- I guess you wouldn't get it,

you're a young
woman, very healthy.

- No.

I mean, you know, you
seem like you aren't

a completely heinous human being

and have at least a
modicum of a soul.

- That is the sweetest thing
that anyone's ever said to me.

Thank you.

- How can you hang out
with Adolf Whitler?

- Look, trust me, I
know how awful she is.

What you think you have a
copyright on teen angst?

It's high school, we're all put
into a box and marginalized.

Look at me, I hang
out with Colin.

I've known Colin since
the second grade.

The guy is, he's an idiot.

But what am I supposed to do?

Not all of us have the guts to
stage a full-scale rebellion.

- Mindy's the brains
behind the operation.

- You just write
the theme music?

Look um, for what it's worth,

I'm glad you didn't
transfer schools.

My hand's on your shoulder.

Full contact, shoulder touching.

Pound it, blow it up.

Explosion.
- Yeah.

- Okay.

Oh um by the way,

Bowie totally made
weird awesome.

- Check mate.

- Killing it.

- People think pretty
girls can't be smart,

but it's like don't
pigeon hold me.

- Uh don't you mean pigeon hole?

- Ew what's a pigeon hole?

- It's like if you hold onto
a pigeon, it can't fly away.

- Yeah.
- It's like let me fly.

- Where the hell is everyone?

- Hey Mackenzie, look at that.

You like that?

- I think everyone's
at the lame party.

- Really?

That's awesome.

- What the hell is
your problem, hmm?

- You know what my problem is?

You're uh you're super evil.

You're like African
rebel group dictator evil

So I think I'm gonna
check out the lame party

where I hear the hosts
aren't total ass hats.

- You'll fit right in.

- I think I'm gonna
go to that party too.

It sounds like
there's girls there.

- Dude.

- I think someone should
probably scope it out too.

You know, like do some
double agent Shenans.

- Mackenzie!

- Hey, so what's in this anyway?

- My own personal secret blend

of choice chemicals
and a dash of genius.

I call it Lipschitz and giggles.

- You're right, I do have
the vague urge to laugh.

- Whoa, looks like I
picked the right party.

- Oh Dan, right?

- Dave.
- Dave, Dave like..

- Like Dave.
- Like Dave.

- So do you know anyone
who can get me into

the Whitney protection program?

- Oh my god.

Tell me everything.

- And for you.

Who wants Lipshots?

- So Principal Whitmore gave
you two months detention

for protesting the
summer reading list?

I always heard it was because

you threw a flash
bomb into glee club.

- That was just a
rumor I started.

- Well we should
organize a protest.

- What do you know about
protesting, Pollyanna?

- I know you think
Girl Scouts are silly,

but the whole point
is to empower girls

so we can change the world.

You know, Gloria
Steinem, Hilary Clinton,

and Sandra Day O'Connor
were all Girl Scouts.

- Hmm maybe you're
not as "puppies

and unicorns" as you seem.

- I thought I would be
just better at jousting,

I don't know, like
'cause of a reach thing

- 'Cause you got those
long, spindly ones.

- Thank you, spindly ones, sure.

Oh whoa, there's a piano here.

You know what that means.

Will you write any new songs?

- You know what, I actually
just wrote one in my head

called Our Party is Way
Better Than Your Party.

It's weird.

- Thank you, it's nice.

Sweet.

- Actually...

I am working on one now.

But um...

It's stupid.

- Oh I will be
the judge of that.

Sit down.

- Do I have to?

- Yeah, yeah you're gonna
have to play a song for me.

Sorry.

- I can't believe you're
making me do this.

All right.

♪ On the outskirts going nowhere

♪ But I've heard that
the truth is out there

♪ I just hope one day I can show

♪ There is more here
than what they know ♪

And that's all I have.

That was great,
are you kidding me?

That was awesome.

That was really good.

- I was just thinking
for the chorus.

- Wow, I didn't know you played.

- I don't like to let people
behind the candelabra.

It's my secret place.

So when do I get to hear
the rest of your songs?

- Maybe...

Some time.

- Later, maybe
later, maybe later.

- Hey, oh.

Oh hey guys.

Um I just wanted to let you
know that they're reenacting

the Battle of Trafalgar
out on the beach.

So...

- Awesome, let's do that.

That's way better than...

Naval battle, huh?

Hmm?

- I think I speak for
everyone when I say

that Saturday's shindig
was one of the best,

nay, the best party of all time.

- Here here.

- Now, does anyone have anything

to bring to the
council's attention?

Upcoming events, seminar ideas?

Yes.

- Sugar and I did some
research and it turns out...

- What about sabotaging
the lacrosse team.

We've finally established
strategic dominance.

Now is the time to
exploit our advantage

and those guys had it coming.

- A few tablets of Ex-Lax
in the team's water coolers

and their bowels will
explode like krypton.

- Do you think Steve Jobs
became the greatest visionary

of all time by being satisfied
with creating the iMac?

He changed it up and
created the iPod,

then the iPhone, then
the iPod touch, then...

- I got it, I got it.

I guess a little explosive
diarrhea never hurt anyone.

- Yes!

- Meet the new boss,
same as the old boss.

- Hey, want to play
Settlers of Catan?

My dad's new lady friend
is coming over with her kid

so we can all meet each other

even though it's only
their second date.

- Well that sounds fun.

- All right, you guys gotta go.

You know how my parents feel
about organized labor, so.

- Right.

- Oh god.

What do I do?

Is it too neat?

Is my hair too neat?

Should I mess it up?

I mean, don't the
ladies like it messy?

- Oh, Herb.

Listen, you haven't
dated in awhile

so I feel the need
to tell you that

at your age, women
aren't super concerned

as much as they are impressed
that you still have hair.

- Oh no.

- Relax.

Awkward doesn't suit you.

- Yes.

No awkward.

Okay.

Hi.
- Hi.

- You must be David,
of course you are.

Who else would you be?

You wouldn't bring a
date to dinner, right?

I'm Herb.

Uh uh David, this
is my daughter Jodi.

Jodi, David.

Jodi, Carol, Carol, Jodi.

David, Carol, Herb, Jodi.

Everybody knows each other.

Introductions out of the way.

Come into the house please.

This is the way in.

♪ Boom Shaka laka laka

♪ Boom Shaka laka laka boom

♪ Shaka laka laka boom

- Jodi, it's Mindy.

Call me.

- I suggested hey,

why not take the shorts
up an inch above the knee.

They said no, but with
respect they said no.

Um I also have made...

- Hey, guys.

Just give me these,
give me these.

You guys are done, right?

- Not quite, but.
- Mom's done, Mom's done.

- Sure, thank you.

That's good.

- Hey, hey.

What if they get married?

- Then we almost
committed stepcest.

Hey, you were the one
who went in for the kiss.

- No, no way.

You were practically
undressing me with your eyes.

- Undressing you?

Mister oh I don't let many
people behind the candelabra.

- Fine, we'll just chalk it
up to equal parts creepy.

I don't know where this goes.

- So...

Friends it is?

- Yeah, in the
interest of not having

our family tree go
in a circle friends.

I'm sorry, I realize referencing
having children with you

makes it more creepy.

- Yeah, it did.

- I got an operation
plan to Photoshop

the cheerleaders'
yearbook picture.

Can I get the green light?

- I don't care,
do what you want.

- I have been looking
for you all day.

Oh my god, last night was like

the seventh circle
of awkwardness.

- I called you.

- I know.

It was insane.

- I got waitlisted at MIT.

- Wait, wha, wha?

No, no, no, there's
gotta be a mistake.

Hey, I want names.

- It doesn't matter.

- Hey, guess who's
coming to dinner?

We're joking.

Hey, did you hear?

- Actually not.

- Um...
- Not a good time.

- Her dad and my mom, they're
like totally dating now.

- That's crazy.

- Oh hey, side point.

I found a perfect song
for your audition.

- Audition?

- Thanks Dave, I'll
take it from here.

- It's just for a
performing arts school.

- In Boston?

- In New York.

I was gonna tell you.

It's no big deal.

- Of course it's a big deal.

I'm sure you'll get in

and it's a good
thing you've got Dave

to help you with your audition.

- Mindy, don't be mad.

I gotta go.

- Yep.

- Hey, we'll talk later, okay?

- Sorry.

- It's fine, let's just go.

- Mindy Lipschitz,

please report to the
principal's office.

- This is an all new level.

Stealing chemicals and lab
equipment from the school?

- Come on, Les, Mindy is
one of my best students.

She would never do that.

- Really?

Why don't you have a look-see.

- Okay, well that one
is clearly Photoshopped.

- Mindy.
- Well guess what.

You're out of the
science club forever.

- This must be some mistake.
- Save it, sweater vest.

Luckily, we still have students

like Whitney Bennett
who had the courage

to bring this sick
delinquency to my attention.

Get out of my office.

Mr. Samuels.

Why didn't you defend me?

- What do you want
me to do, Mindy?

- You went to MIT,

the greatest academic
institution

and you're still being bullied
by an overgrown frat boy.

- Oh my god, you
totally broke her.

- Law 42, strike the shepherd
and the sheep will scatter.

Straight back to you.

- Are you sure you want this?

- I want it.

Can anyone tell me what the
exception to the rule of...

Brothers and sisters,

it is time to open your eyes.

Whitney Bennett, for four
years she has crafted

a meticulous image as the
rich girl who had it all.

Well brothers and sisters,

Whitney Bennett is
not who you thought.

The mansion her family
supposedly lives in,

try the servants' quarters.

Her father, the
hedge fund manager,

these are the only
hedges he's ever managed.

The mother who works in fashion,

only if this constitutes
working in the fashion industry.

Her older brother getting a
master's in business at Wharton.

The only business he's
mastered is delivering pizzas.

The truth is revealed.

The only reason Whitney
was always so intent

on exposing all
of your weaknesses

was so that you would
never discover hers.

Whitney Bennett is a liar.

- Dude.

What was that?

- That was our
revenge over Whitney.

- You do realize that you
just did the same thing to her

that she did to me.

- Exactly, it's called revenge.

I don't get what
your problem is.

This is what you wanted.

We set out to change
things and we did it.

We won.

- It doesn't feel like we won.

It feels like we're
becoming the things

that we used to hate.

- My whole life I
played by the rules.

I colored in the bubbles
with my number two pencils

and what did it get me?

Teased, tortured, ignored,

waitlisted.

Do you know what turning
the other cheek gets you?

Two black eyes.

- The old Mindy...

- Was a pushover who thought
she was gonna go to MIT,

engineer the perfect
hydrogen fuel cell

and get an element
named after her.

- Lipschitzium can still happen.

- If you have a problem
with what you're doing,

you should do
something about it.

- If this is what it is...

Then I'm out.

- So we had
succeeded in creating

a new world order at
Richard Milhous Nixon High.

Turns out power is a potent drug

and with Whitney
publicly humiliated

and officially dethroned,

the underlings of our school
had now become its overlords.

- Dude, that was amazing.

- I'm registered
as a lethal weapon.

- Well this sucks.

- I told you we should have
just burned this mother down.

- Here here.

- Has anyone seen Whitney?

- Oh she's gone AWOL.

I never thought I'd
feel bad for someone

who affectionately
references Stalin.

- Now we should shove
his head into a toilet.

You know what I'm saying?

- Look, I never meant for
things to go down like that.

- Oh come on, don't tell
me you're not having

a dorkgasm over this.

- Google alert, you did
the same thing to me

- But your threshold for
humiliation was already so high.

No wait, I, I'm, s-s-s...

- Were you trying to apologize?

- It just gets
stuck in my throat.

But I know you're right, okay.

You're right.

- Okay.

- Thanks.

- I'm going to cut
right to the chase.

I intend to rule this
school next year.

But the only way
you become the best

is by working for the best.

I thought that was Whitney,
but apparently I was wrong.

I won't pretend to like
your fashion choices.

But you've got a lot to teach me

and I'd like to
offer my services

as your intern for the
rest of the school year.

- Prom is almost here and
we still don't have a theme.

So I'd like you to rally
your various factions

to back my proposal
for Ender's prom.

- Support my bid for prom king,

I vote for whatever
theme you want.

- Wait, I'm running
for prom king.

I'm the only one who knows how
to wield a sword effectively.

- Whoa whoa whoa.

I thought we were letting Colin
win so we could prank him.

- No, we never went over that.

- Um no, you're not gonna
be king, I'm gonna be king.

- Mindy, I am willing
to make you queen

with a five-year
no-beheading clause.

- A no beheading clause?

- As I sat there listening,

I realized how
ridiculous it all was.

We had pretended we cared
about coming together,

but in the end people only
cared about themselves.

Even best friends.

So it had all been a lie,

which was fitting since
when you think about it

most of high school is a lie.

Everyone faking it,
trying to act cooler

or smarter or older or just
more sure of themselves

than they really are and
I couldn't help but think

wouldn't it be nice for once
if people just told the truth.

- So you're going to drug prom?

- That makes it
sound so serious.

Lipschitzium is a very
mild form of truth serum

in gaseous form.

Think of it like a
very smart person's

version of spiking
the punch, okay?

- Oh I'm fine with
you drugging prom.

So what changed your mind
about working with me?

- You may be a
duplicitous opportunist,

but at least you're honest
about what you want.

- Hmm.

- Thank god you're back.

Being the only hot
person in this school?

The army of dorkness
is multiplying

faster than the Kardashians.

- Oh!

Sorry, habit.

- So are you going to prom?

- Hell no.

- Hey Whitney, can
your dad mow my lawn?

- You have a message from Mom.

Make sure you drive
safely to school, honey.

You'll know.

Love, Mommy.

- I'm sorry you had to see that.

You don't need a
date to go to prom.

- The date, the
dress, the revelry.

I don't even know where
to begin with my hatred.

And anyways, Mindy and
I had always planned

on doing a Star Wars
marathon on prom night.

13.24 hours prequels and all.

- I get it, it's just...

- What?

- I had a chat with Mackenzie.

She's apparently
Mindy's intern now

and she wouldn't
tell me anything,

but it sounds like
Mindy's planning

some sort of crazy
prank at prom.

Guess she's not done
getting her revenge.

- Why are they fighting on a
hovercraft above molten lava?

- Well Herb, I'll tell you.

Obi-Wan here is just
trying to be a good friend

and to keep Anakin from
acting like a total jackhole,

but Anakin is more interested
in making a stupid power play

than in hanging out
with his best friend.

- Hmm I don't know.

It seems to me Obi-Wan
is being pretty brave,

standing up for the
fate of the universe

and trying to help
out his friend

who seems to be going
through maybe a rough time.

- Even if Obi-Wan ends
up having to chop off

his best friend's legs and
his best friend ends up

turning into some
mouth-breathing, goth cyborg

who eventually kills him?

- Yeah, even then.

Jodi.

There's one thing
that I do know.

Nothing great ever happens

when you're sitting
on the sidelines.

- Shit.

I gotta go to prom.

Thanks, Dad.

- Jodi, I am your father.

Your founding father.

- I really hope
this isn't genetic.

Dad, are there any old clothes
in Mom's closet I can wear?

- Wow.

What a vision.

Just got off the
phone with Carol.

Dave doesn't have a date either.

So she's gonna bring him over
here so you guys can carpool.

- Dad!

- It's fine.

You're just carpooling.

It's not gonna be
awkward at all.

- You guys, come on,
squeeze in over here.

Grab her waist.

She's not your sister.

And...

Perfect.

All right, see ya.

All right, so I'm just gonna go.

Shh!

Okay the coast is
clear, let's go.

- We are so Breaking
Bad right now.

Hey Colin.

- Who came up with
this theme anyway?

- The patriarchy.

- You back in?

Wanna bust a move?

- Fine, whatever.

- You gotta get up to get down.

- I think I might
actually be a PC.

- Maybe my therapist is right.

I am dating my father.

- Is there any way to deny
that all human suffering

originates from human desire?

Unless the only way to end
suffering is to end desire.

But the illogical and
futile nature of desire

will inevitably win out
over our rational nature.

- This punch...

Is good.

- I know that
everybody loves Harry,

but I can certainly appreciate
Zayn's brooding charm,

but for my money, Liam is the
unsung hero of One Direction.

- I find everything
about you repulsive,

yet I'm strangely drawn to you.

- That is the nicest thing
a girl has ever said to me.

- I love you, man.

- Yes homo.

- I find myself incredibly
attracted to you

despite that pantsuit.

This is awesome.

Thank you, Adam Scott.

Hey um...

I really like you.

- I really like.

Damn it.

Um I gotta go.

I'll find you later.

- Promise?

- Hey.

- Where have you been?

- Sorry I was, I was just
in the janitor's closet

making out with my
future stepbrother.

- Okay, we have to find Mindy.

- And before her plan
goes into effect.

She is a really good
chemist, you know?

Really good.

Oh my god, what is all this?

- Is she trying to
poison the school?

- I wouldn't put it
past her at this point.

What do you think this does?

- I don't, I don't...

- Expose the truth.

Nice.

Some best friend you are.

- I'm sorry, is the person
who's building a chemical weapon

questioning my integrity
in this scenario?

- I figured it was about
time somebody cut through

all the bullshit so we could
see who people really were.

- I told you you
couldn't trust her.

- And now all of a
sudden you're, you're,

- Yeah because between
you and Whitney,

Whitney is the one who is acting
less like an evil dictator.

- You are just jealous
because I am the one

who finally stood up to her,

which is something that you've
always been too scared to do.

- I'm turning you in.

- If you're not with
me, you are my enemy.

- Only a Sith
deals in absolutes.

I will do what I must.

- You will try.

No, no!

- Whitney, go get help.

- Eh no thanks.

Law 21.

- Play a sucker
to catch a sucker.

- Emergency.

- I need to report
a crime in progress.

- Okay everybody.

It is that time of the evening

that you've all
been waiting for.

Your very handsome principal
is about to announce

your prom king and queen.

- You shall not pass!

- And the prom king is...

Louis Hammerschmidt?

Wow, you guys suck at this.

- Make way or I'll have
you drawn and quartered.

My fellow classmates,

I intend to rule you all
with an iron but noble fist.

- No!

- And the prom queen is...

The lovely Miss Claire Stuart.

- That's you, go.
- Congratulations.

Oh wow, you look lovely.

- Thank you.

- And let's let
beauty and the beast

regale us with a little dance.

Watch your step.

- Seize fire!

Seize fire!

- That was exhausting.

- Nerd fight!

- No!

- Oh my god!

- Hey, do you need my help?

- No, I got this.

- Where have you been?

- In Europe, proms
don't start until 11.

- Say you're sorry!

- Why couldn't you
just be happy for me?

- Because you were too busy
exploring your sexuality

to attend to my emotional needs.

You knew how much
MIT meant to me.

- You know what, I am sorry
that for once in my life

I found a boy that is totally
awesome and broodingly sexy.

Oh my god, Jodi, stop it.

- You think I'm totally awesome?

- Yeah.
- Cool, that's great.

- And I am really sorry
that for once in your life

your 10-year plan didn't go
perfectly, but you know what,

suck it up and deal with
it like the rest of us!

- Oh ew, are you two
gonna make out now?

- You know what,
Whitney, shut up!

Even after all of the horrible
crap that you put me through,

I still tried because
I was stupid enough

to feel bad for you.

- Do you think I actually care

what these people think of me?

High school is over.

I just wanted you two to know
before we all left that I won,

that I will always win
and whenever I want

I can take away that which you
hold most dear and crush it

and it barely took
any push at all

to turn you two
into Cain and Abel.

Frankly, I think
I did you a favor,

otherwise this
little horror show

likely would have dragged
on for another few years

before you two cut your
losses and moved on.

- Maybe she's right.

It was stupid to think that
we would still be friends

after high school.

You're gonna do your thing,
I'm gonna do mine and,

and in 10 years we'll see
each other at the reunion

and smile.

Maybe that's the way
it's supposed to be.

- If that's how you really feel,

then maybe we should just
stop avoiding the inevitable

and end this right now.

- It is how I feel.

- Well that hurts.

Not as bad as that.

Oh you gotta be kidding me.

And with that the
revolution was over.

The police let me go, calling
Lipschitzium a misguided

but ultimately harmless prank.

- After a hefty suspension,
Mindy returned to school

and all the cliques returned
to how they'd been before.

- Yep.

I drugged prom.

- Every scientist
has one great regret.

Look at Oppenheimer.

- So I had time to
do some thinking

while I was in the clink.

It wasn't just an adolescent
right of passage I ruined,

I destroyed all the good I did.

I had an opportunity
to really change things

and when it came down to it,

I was no different
than Whitney Bennett.

- I'm not gonna tell you
it was okay what you did.

But I understand.

It's hard feeling like
you're giving your best

and people don't value you.

There are always gonna be jerks.

That doesn't change
after high school.

And you can spend your
life trying to beat them

or prove them wrong
or get even with them,

but that's all wasted energy.

What you need to do
is figure out what

and who is important to
you and fight for that.

The rest doesn't matter.

- Yes, yes!

- Mr. Flemming.

- Jodi Shallenberger,
is it Jodi?

Jodi Shallenberger!

Oh my god!

I couldn't.

- What are you doing here?

- I couldn't let you go in
there without you knowing

how proud I am of you.

- I got into MIT today and
it didn't mean anything

because you weren't there
to celebrate with me.

I don't know how things
got so messed up.

Okay no, I do know.

I went totally Dr. Strangelove.

But the thing you said about
us being high school friends.

You're not my high
school friend.

You're my best friend.

We're the radical two.

You will always know
about the face plant I got

that got me this dental bridge.

You will always know I
prefer odd numbers to even.

I don't know where
life will take us.

Hopefully, hopefully
to the 2020 Grammy's

and the first human
settlement on Mars.

But it doesn't matter
because all I know

is that I want you in
my life for all of it.

I am so sorry and I'm back.

- I'm so sorry I was too
busy exploring my sexuality.

- It's okay, sexuality
is important.

- Oh my god.

Oh I am so glad you're
here, you have no idea.

I'm totally freaking out.

- Look at me.

Remember science fair finals.

I was so nervous,
I could almost puke

on my bacteria cultures.

You made me do it.

- Okay.

Get yourself together, Jodi.

I think I know
what we have to do.

- Oh!

Boom Shaka laka laka,

boom Shaka laka laka,

boom Shaka laka laka boom.

♪ We reach for the stars

♪ 'Cause you are my friend

♪ And you're killing
it every day ♪

- Miss Shallenberger.

Do or do not, there is no try.

- Right.

- That's my best friend!

My best friend.

Star Wars quote, the end of it.

- Yes, yes, yes, yes!

- Shh!

- As I stand before you...

- So high
school was finally over.

- And maybe it was
just the Stockholm syndrome

talking, but for the first
time I kind of felt like

I was gonna miss the place.

- We had tried
so hard to tear down

the entire system
that we lost sight

of what our high
school really was,

people, people on the inside,
people on the outside,

people learning who they are.

- Who they want to be.

- Who they don't want to be.

- Are you serious?

- Because no matter who you are.

- The prom
king, the Fashionista,

or the future disgraced senator,
high school is the same.

- It's the best of times.

- It's the worst of times.

Full of wonderful people

and not so wonderful people.

- And it's once in a lifetime.

- And we made it through.

We're members of society,
we have the diploma.

We can prove it to everyone.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, well done.

- Well done to you too.

- I'll call you, Wellesley.

- All right, Penn State.

- You guys.
- Come on.

- Hey guys.

That was classic.
- Wait.

- Hi.

Mindy, Jodi, Claire, Virginia.

Sugar, I was wondering if
you would perhaps honor me.

- I'll see you
this week, Martin.

- Thank you.

- Hey, the heart wants whatever
pasty, bespectacled thing

the heart wants and
don't you look so smug

because you know what
our next mission is,

getting you your first date.

- Yes.

- That's me.

- I'll see you this week?

- Deal.

- Bye.

- That's my driver.

- Spill it.

What are you doing next year?

- Little of this,
little of that.

I'm just gonna see
where the wind takes me.

- That girl's
going into the CIA.

- No doubt.

- You ready, Dolores?

- Don't even.

That woman birthed me.

She can call me
whatever she wants.

- No problem, Dolores.
- Hey.

- Pound it, Dolores.

- We'll see you this
summer, Dolores, yeah?

- We miss you already, Dolores!

- Love you, Dolores!

Really strong pound, Dolores.

So Martin and Dolores.

- Weird, right?

- Who'd have thunk it?

- We gotta...
- Oh!

Wait.

I almost forgot.

Open it.

- One economy class train ticket

from Boston to New York City.

- Next year is going to be epic.

- Next year?

We still got the summer.

Summer go to my place.

- Oh you know it, whoo!

♪ 'Cause I know you

♪ Oh it's been a week
since I fell apart

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ But if this is the end,
then when was the start?

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ Oh it's been a week
since I fell apart

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ But if this is the end,
then when was the start?

♪ I can feel it in my bones

♪ Oh the sanity is on the line

♪ Well I should've
gone, I should've known

♪ That you're out of
sight, out of mind

♪ But I can't afford
to lose the spot

♪ Or you're keeping
me all in the dark

♪ Now I'm fading
like a photograph

♪ And I'm scared that
you're all I have

♪ 'Cause I know you

♪ Oh it's been a week
since I fell apart

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ But if this is the end,
then when was the start?

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ They say it's
getting better oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh

♪ They say it's
getting better oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh

♪ 'Cause I know you

♪ But do you know me?

♪ 'Cause I know you

♪ Oh it's been a week
since I fell apart

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ But if this is the end,
then when was the start?

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ They say it's
getting better oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh

♪ 'Cause I know you

♪ Oh it's been a week
since I fell apart

♪ They say it's getting better

♪ But if this is the end,
then when was the start?

♪ They say it's
getting better oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh

♪ 'Cause I know you

♪ I know, I know, I know

♪ But do you know me?

- Fin.