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1
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From the start, I made it clear
2
00:00:03,280 --> 00:00:05,480
what mattered most to me
was getting a quick sale.
3
00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,760
La-la-la-la-la!
4
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:08,920
It's too early,
too early for my boys!
5
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,440
You don't think he's
certifiable, do you?
6
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,280
I will create an
unforgettable viewing day.
7
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,720
Anything over 1.3,
you give me 20%.
8
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,000
I wouldn't
want to live here.
9
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,080
Waaargh!
Phil, no! Waargh!
10
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:28,080
Where's Phil?
11
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:33,080
Have I the right to hold you?
12
00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,400
You know I've always told you
13
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:42,080
I've loved you from the very start
14
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,120
Come right back
15
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,280
I just can't bear it
16
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,600
I've got some love
and I long to share it
17
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:54,280
Come right back
Right back where you belong
18
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,960
Oh, yeah, you belong.
19
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,120
So, he's sold, has he? Nope.
20
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:10,800
Well, why are you
taking the sign down?
21
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,800
It's on the NWTT list. The what?
22
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,280
NWTT - Not Worth The Trouble.
23
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,720
He's a...
24
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,760
..bit of a nutter, apparently.
A nutter?
25
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,360
No, no, not at all. No, no, no, no.
26
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,000
Quite the contrary.
Yeah? Mmm. Oh, well.
27
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,920
We never get the whole story.
28
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,680
I'm sure he's a lovely man. Ha-ha!
29
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,360
I wouldn't go that far!
30
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,840
I wonder where he is.
31
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:37,840
I put a lot of hard work
into that fiasco!
32
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,120
He's not been himself
since it happened.
33
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,760
He's probably too ashamed
to show his face.
34
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,240
Sandra, he loves that house!
35
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,680
It's where he's lived
for most of his life.
36
00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:51,400
With Celia? Yes, with Celia.
37
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,080
He's sensitive.
38
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,480
It's easy to overlook that.
39
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,160
He's so big.
40
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,960
People... Well, some people
think because he's large,
41
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,440
he lacks feelings.
42
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:08,000
Oh, come on! Let's go round there,
see what's going on. Yes.
43
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,600
How are you feeling now?
44
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,120
Would you pack it in?!
45
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,440
A wee bit of that thing goes
a long way. I'm not a thing.
46
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,760
I want to get out of here now.
47
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,400
Yeah, me too.
I've got to get organised.
48
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,040
He's got guests coming.
Guests?
49
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,040
Mmm, yeah. Two, Americans,
for three nights. B&B.
50
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,040
What, you signed up online?
That was my idea.
51
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,040
No, it wasn't.
Yes, it was.
52
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,360
How much are you charging?
60 quid a night.
53
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,960
Each? No, no, for a double.
And breakfast.
54
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,720
Well, that's horribly cheap.
And it was my idea to tell you
55
00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,400
to make the best of that spare room.
Did you tell your mum?
56
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,840
No! Good man, well done.
57
00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:59,880
I'm just going to tell her
that they're friends.
58
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:03,280
10% will do, eh?
No way, I've got alimony to pay!
59
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,120
Oh, aye. Wendy.
60
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,640
Nippy sweetie, eh?
61
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:08,600
You have to say,
he had it coming.
62
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,160
Oh, do shut up! Aye, shut up!
63
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,800
The pair of you!
64
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,800
I'm warning you!
65
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,320
I know you think I'm being silly,
and I probably am, but...
66
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,280
Oh! Oh, thank God!
67
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,440
Oh!
68
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:28,520
Joan?
69
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,400
Oh, dear, that does sound bad.
70
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,560
Joan, stop it! You...
71
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,720
You're welcome.
72
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,800
It's fine,
the spare room's all yours.
73
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,320
Yes, OK. See you later, then.
74
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,160
That is all you need!
Just for a few days.
75
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,200
What, like last time?
The builders are getting her down.
76
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,200
Didn't she have
the builders last year?
77
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,000
Well, it's next door's builders.
78
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,320
She thinks the neighbours
are trying to drive her out.
79
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,840
I'm with them!
80
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,600
He can't hear the bell
because of the music!
81
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,640
Now I am going to kill him!
82
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,360
Join the queue!
83
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,040
Phil?
84
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,480
Phil?
85
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,880
Queenie? Oh, Edith!
86
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,120
Gave me a fright!
87
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,480
What are you doing here?
88
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,240
Phil asked me to come round,
tidy the kitchen. When?
89
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,960
When did he say that? Yesterday.
90
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,080
After the estate agent left.
91
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,240
I thought it was the least
I could do. Where is he?
92
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,920
Well, isn't he with you?
Well, no, he hasn't turned up.
93
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,560
Oh. Well, you know how he is.
94
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:05,760
He always comes round at 11,
and if he can't, he lets me know.
95
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,080
I mean, it's not like him
to just... Disappear, no, it's not.
96
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,040
He's not the disappearing type.
Have you...
97
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,800
been upstairs?
98
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,120
I had a life-changing dream
last night.
99
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,720
They don't keep you in long
these days, do they?
100
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,960
It's a dream that
explains everything.
101
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,120
Don't know why I'm still here.
102
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,720
Bob, this is important!
103
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,680
Hey, I'm the patient
in this scenario.
104
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,080
You're just the visitor.
You wouldn't even be here
105
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,400
if it wasn't for me.
106
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,560
I dreamt...
107
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,040
that I was supposed to have
a twin brother...
108
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,400
Eh?! ..but he died at birth.
And I woke up knowing, for certain,
109
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,080
that that was true.
And that's why I've always felt
110
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,480
there was something missing,
because there IS something missing.
111
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,720
My twin brother.
112
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,160
And your mum never
said anything? No.
113
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,200
You never asked? Well, why would
I ask? I didn't know till now!
114
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,080
That's why you've
substituted that thing!
115
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,480
What?
116
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,600
Methuselah!
117
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,960
It's a substitute
for your missing twin.
118
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,840
Georgie! Hello, Da.
119
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,000
I'm the daughter, Georgie.
120
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,200
Yeah, I'm the son, Roger.
121
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,040
Oh, Jesus!
122
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,960
No, sorry. No, I mean,
I'm his friend, Roger.
123
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,840
Shame, I've always wanted
a brother. Oh, dear God!
124
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,080
I didn't know you had a daughter.
125
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,520
I don't!
126
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,080
She disowned me. Rubbish!
He's ashamed of me.
127
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,680
I'm not!
128
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,760
I see you're still going for the
day-release-from-the-asylum look!
129
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,760
There you go.
When it comes right down to it,
130
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,400
my walk-on-the-wild-side Pa
131
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,800
is about as unconventional
as a black pudding!
132
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,600
How did you know I was here?
133
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,840
Nobody has secrets any more,
Dad, not even you.
134
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,640
Are you OK? Aye, I'm fine!
135
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:38,880
They just put in this wee stent
thing. Nothing to fuss about.
136
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,160
Who's fussing?
137
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,840
Are you going to stay a wee while?
138
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,200
For a bit, Dad, but... Oof.
139
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,440
..I've not found anywhere
to stay yet.
140
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,840
Well, stay with him! He's got a B&B!
141
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,280
?60 a night.
142
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,680
I'm a bit full.
143
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,480
You can sleep
in his room.
144
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,320
No, thanks.
I'll move out, it'll be fine.
145
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:06,320
Erm, you won't have to pay anything.
What about your...friend?
146
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,720
Oh, where he goes, I go.
147
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,520
Georgie loves animals.
148
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,800
Not too keen on reptiles, though.
I'm not a real crocodile!
149
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,600
You'd make a nice handbag.
150
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,680
Raargh!
151
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,760
He was there last night,
but he hasn't taken
152
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:26,800
his car or his mobile,
that's it? Yeah, that's it.
153
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,240
Well, it's not midday yet.
You're not listening properly!
154
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:34,640
They set Big Ben by this man,
he's like one of them robots!
155
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,400
Has there been a very
stressful event recently
156
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,320
that might have upset him? Er, yes.
157
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,120
He's, um, had trouble
selling his house.
158
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,160
All right, well,
159
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,440
maybe you could drop by
the station with a recent photo,
160
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,200
if it turns out that Mr Parton
is still late for his lunch.
161
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,640
Hi, yeah!
162
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,200
Hi, hi! Ha-ha!
163
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,040
Eric and Sue? Yes. Yeah.
164
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:10,600
I'm Roger. Sorry, have you been
waiting ages? Er, no, just got here.
165
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,200
Ahem... Did you ring the bell?
A few times. Great.
166
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,480
That means that Mummy's not in,
which is incredibly lucky!
167
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,520
Ahem...
168
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,680
Erm... Oh, er, this is Methuselah.
169
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,760
Hello. Hello.
Huh, cute.
170
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,720
You're too kind!
171
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,320
Er, tea, coffee?
Ooh, cranberry juice?
172
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,560
Er... Hmm...
173
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,800
The icebox, maybe? Ahem...
174
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,160
Er, water would be great! Yes.
175
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:57,040
Water...! Raargh!
176
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,440
Ahem... Now, my mother.
Yes, er, my mother,
177
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,760
who might be here any minute.
Now, the thing is...
178
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,520
Well, she's in denial. Thanks.
179
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,080
- Denial?
- Denial...
180
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,480
Yes. Now, so, we have to pretend -
just for Mum's sake -
181
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,280
that you're not here for, er... Ha!
182
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,640
..online B&B.
183
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,800
- We do?
- Yeah.
184
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,960
Mmm, mmm. She's very proud.
185
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:23,480
OK. See, last year, Uncle, erm...
186
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,080
- Olaf...
- Huh?
187
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,360
..he went bankrupt overnight.
Lost everything, the lot,
188
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,840
and Mum had to bail him out.
Oh, God, that's terrible!
189
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:34,000
Yeah, it was a real surprise,
you know? What was his business?
190
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,320
Oh...
191
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,280
Apres-ski, er, sweaters.
192
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,160
Hmm. Oh. Yeah, very good sweaters.
193
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,000
Yeah, very warm. Like, too warm!
And, what, with a warmer climate
194
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,240
and, er, no snow,
nobody bought them.
195
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:46,760
Oh...
What a shame!
196
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:51,240
Yeah, yeah. So, er, now, Mum is
broke too and she can't face it.
197
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,360
So, if you don't mind,
198
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,200
could you pretend to be old friends
of mine who've come to stay?
199
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,080
That's fine by us.
200
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,280
- Isn't it, Rick? Sure.
- Ooh!
201
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:05,200
Er, where did we meet? What?
202
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,640
Erm, when and where
did we become friends?
203
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,040
Urgh...
I mean,
204
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,600
if your mom asks any questions,
we need a backstory,
205
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,040
er, to make it more convincing.
We don't want to say
206
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,880
the wrong thing. No, listen, look,
207
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:18,000
she isn't going to ask
too many probing questions.
208
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,600
Just stay away from the subject
of online B&B. OK, got it!
209
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,360
Er...
210
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,720
We're kind of jet-lagged,
211
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,560
so we thought we might just lay down
for a couple of hours before...
212
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,880
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure,
I'll show you to your room, yeah.
213
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,960
Er, don't forget
to give them their key
214
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,760
and tell them about breakfast!
215
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,320
So cute! Yeah, not always.
216
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,640
Roger's a moron!
217
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,040
Yes! See what I mean?
218
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,760
Oh, no!
219
00:12:11,680 --> 00:12:14,880
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
220
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,520
Auntie Joan!
221
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,640
Oh, hello, Roger.
You look like you've come to stay!
222
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,440
Be a good lad, help me get
this stuff in, will you?
223
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:27,480
No, no, wait, don't send him away!
What?! Er, you can't stay.
224
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,840
Erm, there's no room.
Oh, what are you talking about?!
225
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,280
Well, we're full. Erm, I've got
friends staying. Don't be silly!
226
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,520
I didn't know you were coming!
227
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,640
I spoke to your mother this morning.
She's expecting me. Oh, well,
228
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,040
she's not here, she's out.
229
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,440
That doesn't stop her
expecting me, does it?!
230
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,240
Stupid boy!
231
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,320
Er, you'll have to sleep
in here. Here?
232
00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,040
On the sofa?
233
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,280
Well, I'm not doing that.
Well, why not?!
234
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,960
Because I've got a bad back.
235
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,200
And anyway, I'm just not.
Well, it's very comfortable.
236
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,200
Um, I was going to sleep here,
but since I'm a gentleman,
237
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,880
I'm prepared to let you have it
238
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,880
while I sleep in the
very uncomfortable shed.
239
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,920
What's wrong with your room?
240
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,280
Well... Someone else
is sleeping there. Who?
241
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,320
Another friend.
Who are all these friends?
242
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,960
Well, it doesn't matter, anyway,
243
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,120
because I will be sleeping
where I always sleep -
244
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:29,520
in the spare room.
Now, perhaps you'd like to take
245
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,880
my bags up, Roger? I've told you...
246
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,520
Someone else is in there.
247
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:38,360
Now, this very minute? Yeah,
they're sleeping off the jet lag.
248
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,880
Roger...
249
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,160
I have worked in a psychiatric
hospital for 25 years.
250
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,120
I have seen all sorts.
251
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,880
Things that you would never believe.
252
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,960
But I have never come across
anyone as strange,
253
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,720
or as unaccountable as you.
254
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,880
Now, where is your mother?
I don't know.
255
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,440
Gallivanting, as usual, I suppose.
256
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,320
She knew I was coming!
257
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,640
A cup of tea wouldn't go amiss.
258
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,960
What? What is it?
259
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,520
Excuse me.
260
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:37,120
Is Roger charging you
for the use of this room?
261
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,080
No, absolutely not.
262
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,040
We're friends.
263
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,440
He wouldn't charge us.
264
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,960
We offered to pay but, Rog,
he refused to take it.
265
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:48,920
That's right.
266
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,800
Sorry to disturb you. No problem.
267
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,840
This is all getting
a little bit too weird for me.
268
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,200
Hey, this is England!
269
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,560
Ew!
270
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,680
June! What are you doing?!
271
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,320
I thought it smelt
a bit manky. Manky?!
272
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,920
Queenie cleans it regularly.
And thoroughly.
273
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:28,800
Well, I'm on antibiotics, so it
makes me hypersensitive to smells.
274
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,800
Oh!
275
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,440
Oh, Edith!
276
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,400
It'll be all right.
277
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:41,080
Oh, for goodness' sake,
I'm only wiping down the cooker!
278
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,200
There's no need to get so worked up!
279
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,800
It's Phil. He's disappeared.
280
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,360
Disappeared?
281
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,320
Since when? Last night.
282
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,000
Well, he's probably just
sleeping it off somewhere.
283
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,120
Edith, why didn't you tell me
there was no room?
284
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,440
I packed, brought my bags
and everything,
285
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:03,320
and I'm not going back now. What
are you talking about, no room?!
286
00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,560
The place is full of
Roger's friends.
287
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,520
Of course it isn't! What friends?
288
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,880
There's two of them
in the spare room, as I speak,
289
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:14,760
in my bed, at this time of day!
290
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,720
Joan... Ask Roger.
He's in the shed, right now,
291
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:23,040
getting it ready for
another charabanc-load of chums
292
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,560
to come rolling up any minute,
I expect!
293
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,440
You're being ridiculous.
294
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,000
Oh, hello, Mum. You're looking glum.
295
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,280
What's up? It's Phil.
296
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:39,000
He's disappeared.
Vanished, without a trace!
297
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,560
The police are on the job.
298
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,640
What, trawling the river? Roger!
299
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,000
Did he leave a note?
No, he didn't leave a note!
300
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,040
And Joan tells me you've put
someone in the spare room.
301
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,720
Well, it's only for three nights.
What, without telling me?!
302
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:54,000
Well, they're friends of mine.
Americans. Yeah, from America.
303
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,640
What friends from America? Well, I
met them when I was on my gap year,
304
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,240
er, in Patagonia.
305
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,440
Patagonia? Patagonia?
Yeah, near Patagonia...
306
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,000
Near Patagonia! Roger,
you never had a gap year.
307
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,040
You went straight into the bank.
308
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,040
And I'm the one making things up?!
309
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,120
Well, wherever you met them,
they'll have to go.
310
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:12,800
I've promised the room
to Auntie Joan.
311
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,520
Well, I can't just
throw them out! Roger!
312
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,720
This is my home!
313
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,720
You can't just invite people to stay
314
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,880
without talking to me first!
What were you thinking?!
315
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,600
Well, I'm sorry, Mum,
you know, it was just
316
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,040
a bit of a surprise. I wasn't
really expecting them so soon.
317
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,320
And with Wendy's alimony
and everything else...
318
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,680
They're paying guests!
319
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:35,040
Only expenses! I knew it. I knew it!
320
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,480
The photo! I'll get it.
321
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,160
Is this Roger's house?
322
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:51,680
Roger's B&B? That's it.
Matter of debate right now,
323
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,560
but come in, anyway!
324
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:57,600
Anybody else?
325
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,920
Hey, Roger. Hi.
326
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,880
Good Lord!
327
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,600
Hi, everybody, I'm Georgie. Georgie
is Bob the Burglar's daughter.
328
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,280
Bob the Burglar?! Yeah, she's
come all the way from Glasgow
329
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,200
just to see her dad in hospital,
and now she's homeless.
330
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,520
I wouldn't say homeless.
Hello, Georgie. I'm Edith.
331
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,600
My sister, Joan. My son, Roger,
332
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,320
who seems to be under the impression
that this is his house.
333
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:25,800
I'm sorry to hear about your dad,
and you're welcome to stay,
334
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,760
but I've no idea where,
335
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,680
since even the tool shed
seems to be spoken for!
336
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,560
Er, this is Queenie.
Hang on, I'll come with you.
337
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,600
Er, no, I'd rather you stayed
and sorted this lot out.
338
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:39,960
Hi, er, we're heading out now, so...
339
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,120
I told you!
340
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,680
It's very good of you to put us
up like this, Mrs Stevens.
341
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,320
Oh, no, no, this is my mum!
342
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,840
These are my friends, Rick and Sue.
In my room, in my bed!
343
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,320
This is my Auntie Joan,
this is my friend, Queenie.
344
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,560
Oh, and this is Georgie.
She's from Scotland!
345
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,920
- Hi there.
- Nice to meet you all!
346
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,800
But this isn't actually a
bed-and-breakfast place.
347
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:05,280
Indeed, not. Er, we know that.
No, we never thought it was.
348
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,320
We're just friends with Roger.
349
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,080
Mmm, they met in Patagonia.
Wow! Really?
350
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,680
Erm...
351
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,720
We're not paying anything
to stay here.
352
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,840
Oh, I am. I'm paying.
353
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,040
Edith...
354
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:21,440
I knew things had got bad, but I
didn't realise they were THIS bad.
355
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,640
Oh, this is nothing compared with
what usually goes on, Joan!
356
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,120
Nothing at all!
357
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,720
OK, I'm off!
358
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,320
See you all later...
359
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,640
or not!
360
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,400
Er, Mum, Mum...
361
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,880
Did I ever have
a twin brother? What?!
362
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,480
Or sister? No!
363
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,600
Are you sure? Absolutely sure!
364
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,760
It's just that I've had
this dream... Look, Roger,
365
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,200
I've got to get this to
the police station, right now!
366
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:55,120
Don't worry about Phil!
Look, he'll be OK. Oh!
367
00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,160
And I'm so glad you've got some
friends nearer your own age now.
368
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,720
Hmm...
369
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,520
It's difficult for Edith.
370
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,640
It must have been hard
for you too, Joan?
371
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,720
Oh, it was, it was...
372
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,800
What was? Uncle Olaf?
373
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,440
Uncle Olaf?
And the sweater business.
374
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,520
Tough break!
We don't really talk about it.
375
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,080
These are beautiful. Oh.
376
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,240
Will you still be here when
we get back? I have no idea.
377
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,920
I know. Hope to see you later!
378
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,000
Nice kids.
379
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,720
For Americans!
380
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,360
Georgie, do you want to
come outside and see my shed?
381
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,000
Ah...
382
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,560
Oh.
383
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,280
Jack, Phil's gone missing!
I know, Sandra called me.
384
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:55,680
I know everyone thinks
I'm overreacting, but...
385
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,680
But it's not at all like him.
386
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:02,000
I think you've got every reason
to be worried. Oh, Jack!
387
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,680
It's very strange,
and completely out of character.
388
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,960
But I've had an idea
which might help us find him.
389
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,760
It's a bit of a long shot,
but let's give it a try.
390
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,000
Hop in.
391
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:18,320
There we are. Out you get.
Come on, then.
392
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,240
Good boy! There's a good...
Where's Mum?
393
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,840
She's looking for Phil's slippers.
394
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,360
Hello, Bertie!
395
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,640
There you are! Hello!
396
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,080
Bertie loves you, Sandra.
397
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,360
I couldn't find his slippers,
398
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,640
but these were in
the laundry basket.
399
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,240
Oh, perfect!
400
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:33,960
Edith, I think it's better if
401
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,360
you stay with Sandra. In case
you find something unpleasant?
402
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:39,560
Oh, Mum... I'm coming with you!
403
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,240
Well, they'll be going at
quite a pace.
404
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,400
Sniff! What's that?
405
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,160
Which way?
406
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,560
Come on, Bertie!
407
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,720
Ooh... Oh... Ah...
408
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,480
Oh...
409
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,400
Ooh... Ah...
410
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,000
Ah... Oh...
411
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,120
Hey! Hello, Phil!
412
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:18,000
Duggers, what are you doing here?
Do you know,
413
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,520
I was just about to ask you
the same question. I thought
414
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,880
you'd sold up, moved away?
415
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,280
No, no, that's you, Phil.
You're the one that's doing that.
416
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:26,760
Oh, Phil!
417
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,800
Oh, Phil, thank God! Oh, Edith!
418
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,240
Sandra. Hello, Phil. Hi.
419
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,680
Are you all right?
Well, why wouldn't I be?
420
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,560
I mean, Surrey just lost
another wicket, but...
421
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,480
I've been so worried.
422
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:44,240
Oh, don't, don't. We've only
got another...57 to make. Oh!
423
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:48,800
I'm so happy to see you!
Well, I'm pleased to see you too.
424
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,360
Only thing is...
425
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,640
..can't seem to remember
why I came here.
426
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,960
Phil, why don't we go home? OK!
427
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,320
Um, I think a quick check-up first
428
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,120
might be in order. OK!
429
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,640
Here we are.
430
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:07,800
Oh...
431
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,160
This way, Phil.
432
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,960
Oh... There you are.
433
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,560
He's getting some rest now,
with the aid of a light sedative,
434
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,920
so let's see how he is
in the morning, eh?
435
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,000
Jack, I don't know how to thank you.
436
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,400
Oh, don't thank me, thank Bertie.
Oh, my hero!
437
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,440
You take Edith home now, Sandra.
Get a good night's sleep
438
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,920
and, tomorrow,
you'll find he's a new man. Ooh!
439
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,520
Think of it, Mum!
Underneath the ancient,
440
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:38,720
soup-stained dressing gown
and those very strange pyjamas,
441
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,680
George Clooney!
442
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,360
No, no! No, no...
443
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,840
Retired! BURGLAR!
444
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,400
Lapsed! I've relented!
445
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,600
It's OK! BURGLAR! Shush!
446
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,280
..Philip Parton, 77,
last seen in dressing gown,
447
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,960
leaving Parkrise Hospital
at 19:00 hours today.
448
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,640
Parton?
449
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,960
That's your bloke from this morning.
450
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,560
What did you call those two women?
Bloody hell!
451
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:24,200
Georgie, have I done enough
with his hair, do you think?
452
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,720
Georgie, is this good enough, here?
453
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,080
A bit more ruffled. Yeah?
454
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,720
Yeah, that's good! Shh!
455
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,040
Relax.
456
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,000
Queenie says he'll not be back
till tomorrow.
457
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,320
Ooh!
458
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:52,640
Ooh!
459
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,800
Look a little bit to your left...
460
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,320
Grr!
461
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,800
Grr! Grr!
462
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:01,560
Grr!
463
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:06,880
Grr... Grr...
464
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,080
Rargh!
465
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,360
Woo...
466
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,840
..What could be
a remarkable match
467
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,760
and a fairy-tale
victory for Surrey.
468
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:54,880
It's a beautiful
afternoon here.
469
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:58,160
The bowler's coming in for,
oh, a very fast bowl,
470
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:03,040
and he's dropped that
right behind him...
471
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:07,920
Mr Parton... You've had quite a day!
How are you doing?
472
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,400
Ah, there you are!
473
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:14,800
Good, well, this is my house,
and it's being burgled by zombies!
474
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:17,200
Zombies? Mm-hmm.
475
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,240
Right. So, you'd better
call for backup,
476
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:23,640
because, er, there's
a whole pack of 'em in there.
477
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,360
Zombies, everywhere!
478
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,440
But...
479
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:31,040
Surrey only need two more wickets.
35508
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