Original subtitles

Previously on Wynonna Earp... -This condo's being built on an old school.

Anything original still left? -A few nooks and crannies.

Demons - they do exist, and now I kill them.

This night wouldn't be complete without a hellish road trip through my childhood.

It's alright to miss him, Wynonna.

She's my sister. I have to protect her now more than ever.

I wanna make sure you're OK, that you're still my Waverly. -Totally.

I'm afraid the scary's just beginning.

Why is she haunting me?

Go, Devils!

Wow. -I didn't know if it was your thing.

Uh, baby, that's... -That's everybody's thing. -Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, the cross-eyed hooligans

at the Homecoming game are gonna love it. -No, silly.

No, this is a private show for you

before you have to go off on patrol...

Well, Nedley figures the streets are gonna be awash

with booze and urine all weekend, so it's all hands on deck.

You guys need to get some more hands,

so that yours can stay right here on me.

OK. Ready? Time for one more cheer!

Come on, boys, from here to there...

Girl, put on some underwear! -Ah, Wynonna!

Hi. -Hello.

Just... passing through.

You guys can resume your panty-less roleplay.

You know what? I gotta get to work, so... -You gonna come by?

Hanging from afar while my lady works? -That's my jam.

OK. Yeah.

So, now that I know your whole situation, should we institute

a knickers-on-the-doorknob policy? -Since you're not using yours.

Wow. Rough night? -I just can't stop seeing it.

The gory ritual, the broken seal. -It's just, every time I close my eyes,

it's the same nightmare. -Wait, but nothing else has happened, right?

Yet.

I forgot you were head cheerleader. -And prom queen. -Oh, prom.

That's that thing people do when they're not institutionalised at 14, right?

Sounds nice. -Are you gonna be this much fun all day?

Oh, well, maybe I'll just skedaddle, you know,

leave you at the mercy of monsters, go on the lam.

What is a lam, anyway? -Still no sign of Dolls, huh.

And I don't expect one.

Wow.

You've polished the shaft hard enough.

You so rarely hear that. -I need to be ready. It's Homecoming.

Might have to protect the people who tortured me in high school.

They weren't all bad. -No, they were champs. -Every one.

All for this? -I was such an idiot.

The time has come.

I come to claim what's mine.

I'll check his ID. -Bryce Cooper.

Star right-wing of the '07 champs, the last Purgatory High School team

to not only win the cup, but a single game.

I'm gonna pass this off. -To Black Badge? -This is straight-up homicide. It's ours.

We've got people coming home from all over for the game.

If this news gets out, it'll be pandemonium.

Just examine the scene, then scrub it.

You mean cover it up? -Tomato, potato.

Earp?

Restocking already? -They say liquor sells itself.

Bet the sight of you pourin' it don't hurt either.

How does our latest cocktail progress? -Doesn't.

If you need more, I'll open another vein. -Not more. Different. Yours isn't right.

Clock is ticking, Rosita. -What do you want me to do?

We need something pure. And more tequila.

What can I get ya? Spritzer? -Whoa. You're...

Uh... Just looking for the boss man.

So, no spritzer, then? -Wynonna!

Excuse me? Is Henry here or...? -Wynonna! Bitch!

Hey, Mercedes.

Oh... Working. -Who isn't?

Ah-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!

So, how are you settling in? -How are Beth and Tucker?

My siblings are acting like I moved home to ruin their 'Grey Gardens' spiral

into reclusive weirdo-ness, which I did.

Every family tree's got its share of nuts.

Speaking of nuts, when's the last time you had your hands on some?

Seriously? That's your pitch?

Perry 'Needs-to-get-an-actual- personality' Crofte?

Like you never snuck into the locker room to sniff his jock strap.

Never into jocks. Straps... -Mmm.

How about your broken heart? -Yeah, I can sniff that from here.

It makes my nostrils sad.

Uh... Perry was besties with that Bryce guy, right?

I don't know. Why are you asking me? -Hey, Perry! Perry, hi! -Hey! Shh!

Come on over! -Shut up. -Here he comes. -Why?

You remember Wynonna? -Oh! -Oh, the girl everyone was scared of.

Even you? -There were rumours, I guess 'cause of your dad and sister.

You had a breakdown. -That didn't do it for you, huh?

Try not to slide off your stool. -How long you around? -Uh...

Permanently. Good talk, Per.

I hate you.

So, what's her deal? -She looks, um, good.

She's doing good. -Some kind of special detective. -For what?

Stuff the cops can't handle.

Any chance I can get her number? -What am I, human Tinder?

There you are. -Here I be.

One of the guys from the '07 team. -Champs?

Hockey? -Wow. Never mind.

Somebody, or something, tore out his liver.

I wonder if it's connected to our symbol-smasher.

We also still have a dozen new demons

flooded the Triangle to round up for Black Badge.

It's a rich tapestry of awful.

She seems super smart. -She's the best mixologist around.

Ooh! -Bet she shakes in all the right places.

I love that you've got your own thing going on here, but don't get distracted.

If you need me on a case, you have my undivided attention.

OK.

Look, I was up half the night, buried alive in dread.

Mm, no. -Abstaining, are we? -Two shots of tequila is not abstaining.

It's called being professional.

Back in my day, that meant something else entirely.

OK.

I'm heading to work, see if Jeremy's made any progress. -Shall I accompany you?

Don't you need to babysit your professional mixologist?

So, this broken seal on the school chapel,

I've been able to puzzle certain designs of what looks to be

some kind of ancient symbol. -Soon I'll have enough to start cross-referencing it

with similar archaic patterns and look into what it might mean.

"Looks to be." "Soon." "Might." Pretty weak.

What about big, dead Bryce? Nicole pass on the evidence?

Oh, do you mean "forensics"? -Don't air quote. That's my thing.

And is Officer Haught always so passive-aggressive

when handing off cases to BBD?

None of my business, like everything else around here. -Yeah, got it.

Any connection to our symbol-smasher? -I don't see one,

but it's no simple murder either.

The victim's liver was harvested, but he had no opioids in his system

and no defensive wounds.

It's like he let it happen. -Or he ripped it out himself.

Where's Lucado? -Called away on a personal matter.

Has, uh, Dolls reached out to you at all?

Nice try, but snitches get stitches.

I'm not... OK, never mind. -And next time, tell Officer Haught

to please close the victim's eyes. -It's creepy. He's staring right at it.

Staring at what? -The trophy case. -Champs 2007 and all that.

Oh, yeah, you are.

Hello? -Wynonna? -It's Perry. -Perry Crofte?

I was just thinking about you. -See?

After all these years, we're finally in sync. -Like a sorority's monthly cycles.

You're fun. I haven't had any fun in a long time.

OK...

Are you asking me out? -100%. -Great. We can chat.

Uh, should I pick you up... -No!

No, I'll pick you up. Same place? Out in the boonies?

Some things never change, huh? -Well, I hope that's not true.

'Bye. -'Bye.

Yep. Totally in sync.

Scarlet Tart or Pink Tease? -Flaming Ladybug? Wait, which skit are we doing?

The one where we debate which lipstick I should borrow. -Ah, OK.

So it is a 'date' date, huh?

Where's he taking ya? Under the bleachers?

Hey, watch your perfectly glossed mouth.

Bryce and Perry were teammates. Maybe Perry knows something.

It's a cover. -Sure, wink.

Like how I'm going on 'patrol' with Nicole.

Look, I'm just... -I'm glad you're putting yourself out there,

you know, having fun. -Why is everybody so obsessed with my fun levels?

Because if something does come out of that seal,

I want you at peak Wynonna - whiskey-soaked and reckless.

He's here. -On the homestead?

At least we know he's not a revenant.

It's great to see so many faces back in town

for the first Annual Purg High Homecoming game!

You have my word, Purgatory.

We will turn this town around!

Where's Bryce? He said he'd be here.

And I'm so frickin' excited to be here with the '07 champs

to announce that, this spring, ground will be broken

on the brand-new Gardner Community Centre!

Yes, my parents left most of their fortune to the town.

It's wonderful, isn't it? -Yes, it's... it's great.

I-I could just scream.

Yeah, so let's hear it one more time for the Champs,

and you get in there and enjoy the game!

Hey, Per. -Jesus! What?

You OK? You're not bailing on me, are ya, 'cause...

I'm sorry. It's just... Some date, right?

Well, you gotta give the people what they want.

And what they want is to celebrate Purgatory's big win.

Again and again. -And again.

It's all so pathetic. -I didn't mean that.

Celebrating something so pointless?

We were teenagers playing a game 10 freaking years ago.

Yeah, well, this town has trouble letting go of the past.

I wish past me had paid a little more attention to some things.

Do you wanna get out of here?

Get something to eat? -Hey, now, we can do both.

Perry, I need to talk to you about Bryce.

What kind of detective are you, anyways? -Wait. What about Bryce? -Perry?

Oh! It's happening, man! -It's happening! -Easy, Skip. What?

Everything. B-Train, he's dead.

His wife called me freaking out. The cops found him yesterday.

You're drunk and talking too much. -You said you'd fix it. -He's out of his mind.

I'll take him home. -Hold up. -Bryce's nickname is B-Train?

Hmm, shady and suspicious, therefore gettin' more delicious.

Calm down, Flaming Ladybug.

Waverly! -Hey! -Ooh, where's Perry?

Messed-up, emotionally unavailable, possibly-involved-in-a-murder Perry?

My God, you're gonna ask him to marry you.

Also I just found out his dead friend's nickname was B-Train.

I would've milked that so hard in high school.

We need to get to Skip's house. -Oh, I'm... I'm meeting Nicole.

Well, waiting for her to get off work.

You're passing up a chance to crack a case to wait around for your girlfriend?

So what? -So I'm having flashbacks of you watching Champ play video games

and missing your valedictorian speech. -He got to level 70 on one guy.

Waverly... -Besides, this is different, OK?

You've come so far.

Just don't let anyone make you forget you're an Earp.

Look, that can mean whatever I want it to, OK? -Here, take the jeep.

When you stop dating psychos, then you can give me relationship advice.

Hey, come on!

Oh, yeah, that's a good part of it.

Oh. -Oh! -Waverly, um, as we speak,

the Shorty's crowd is staggering over here for sports-yelling and down-falling.

Look, baby, I'm off in a couple hours. -Can't you entertain yourself?

Wave! Not in uniform, OK? -Not in public. -Not good enough.

Hey! Give me your phone.

You must be new. -If I find up-skirts on there... -You might.

Also the video of you and Waverly making out.

I don't think that's allowed. -OK... -No, let him go. It's not worth it.

Excuse me? -It's Tucker. He's a Gardner.

I don't care what he does. Give me your damn phone.

If that's broken, you'll pay for it. -OK, you know what?

You're under arrest for assaulting a police officer. -Ow! Ow. Ow.

She's hurting me, Waverly! -Nicole, you don't wanna do this.

Don't tell me how to do my job.

Perry? Skip?

It's too late. It got B-Train. -B-Train.

What's that? -Perry put it there.

He's out of his gourd. -Perry marked you with blood?

Ugh, he's so hot.

Any chance he also crawled out of an ancient broken seal?

The time is nigh. I will claim what is mine.

Holy farked-up 'Wizard of Oz' bullshit! -No! -Stop!

OK, good. Now roll over. -Beg?

Dude! What are you doing?! -It'll go through you to get what it wants,

and it wants my guts, man. -Run! -Not big on cardio these days.

Where'd you...

Here, boy! -Can't whistle.

Skip, you stupid drunken idiot!

I'm just glad B-Train's not alive to see this.

Thank you.

Who is that? -That's one of Tucker's older sisters, Beth Gardner.

You're letting her bail him out? -There's no bail required. He's not being charged.

What? He was taking photos of teenage girls.

His phone was practically up their hoo-has. -Oh! Language!

Nicole, you're a sheriff's deputy. -Not gonna win cop of the year, mind you,

with that public display of gal-pal-itis.

I'm really sorry about Waverly, but those photos... -Love the initiative,

but the Gardners...

Tucker's parents were good people, important people to this town.

Boys will be boys. -Whoa. -Sorry, did I hit my head

and wake up in Patriarchal Bullshit Land? -No, it looks fine to me.

That reminds me, though - the first aid kit needs restocking.

I want her charged with harassment. -Oh, you have not seen harassment.

Such a nasty woman. -I know, baby. I know.

Look, you cool your heels while you take a chunk out of those reports in there.

You're putting me on paperwork? -They're the Gardners.

Nicole, keep your head in the game.

You'll learn how this town works. -It only took me 30 years.

It's probably out of water.

One of the two ingredients in coffee? That's a fail.

I just came to get some books for Waverly.

So she wouldn't have to come herself and risk running into me.

Uh... I mean, she didn't... she didn't say that, so...

Anyway, gotta jet. -Kinda dealing with a demon scarecrow thing.

Wynonna...

Have you noticed any...

..like, changes in Waverly lately?

Are you hoping for some? -No!

It's just, um, ever since Willa was sent down,

she's been acting not herself. -Hmm... -Well, one sister kills the other,

might rattle your cage a bit, you know?

Oh, of course. It's just what I really love about Waverly is...

It's like it's sometimes missing, you know, the sweetness,

and she's become hard. -Cruel, almost. More...

Like me? -Is this because she kept you out of Black Badge?

You know what? Forget it.

I think we both know I won't.

Awesome day. Perfect.

What's this? -What Perry... -Her date. -It wasn't a date.

What Perry scrawled across Skip's front door and his forehead, in blood,

just before Skip was attacked by one ugly hockey fan.

You think your date summoned this demon?

A demon who makes people tear out their own insides, yeah.

He at least buy you dessert? -Guys...

Did Perry break the seal? -No, that doesn't make sense.

If it's not connected, what the hell are we doing?

Bagging and tagging low-level shit disturbers

to get Lucado off BBD's naughty list? -Wynonna, it's OK. -No, it's not!

I know something evil and terrifying is coming, OK?

Even my hair is tingling. And without Dolls...

Cover me.

Perry? -I heard everything.

It's true. You ARE some kind of paranormal warrior. -Um...

Don't want him summoning monsters on your front stoop.

OK, except...

It's an Algiz.

An ancient runic guardian symbol.

He wasn't trying to summon something to attack his friends.

He was trying to protect them.

I'll get my vapours.

What the goddamn hell!? -Salts of hartshorn.

Pardon the error in judgement. -Are you kidding me? Wynonna...

OK, a creature is making your friends tear themselves apart,

you're drawing protection symbols to try to stop him,

and unless you want us to make your day truly chomp nard,

you'd better start talking.

You'd never believe it. -Try me. -I'm Wynonna Earp, Demon Detective.

The Blue Devils were a joke. We'd had enough.

Senior year, old Coach Moore, he gave us a... spell.

He was bat-shit crazy about losing all the time. -So me, Skip, Cam and Bryce...

B-Train. -Wynonna! -We didn't take it seriously,

but we hit the bong and said the words.

Then, I shit you not, this thing appeared out of the trophy case...

..a freaky grain sack over its face. -It barely spoke,

but we just understood that we'd have 10 amazing years,

get whatever we wished for.

We were 17. 10 years sounded like forever.

We didn't realise he'd kill us.

And now Burlap Jack's back for his pound of flesh.

We all make deals we regret.

And the 10 years? -Skip married a cheerleader. -Cam and Bryce, they did OK.

And you? -Check the 'Forbes' list.

Whoa! -'Forbes'?

Why come back? -If it doesn't get what it wants from us,

it might target our families. -Besides, isn't it better to face our mistake

where it all started than pretend it didn't happen?

Dude! I knew we had crazy in common.

Coach died, so I did research - black magic occult -

but I'm no expert at breaking a deal with the devil.

Wait. Not a deal. You said a wish, right?

OK. Did the demon emerge from a vessel?

Uh... We were pretty high. -The trophy. -Yes!

It could be a Marzaniok - bringer of good and bad fortune.

OK, we'll split up, find the other two hockey bros and bring them in to BBD,

lure the Marzipan there and I'll shoot it before anyone else can perform

back-alley surgery on themselves. -Let's get this over with.

Wynonna. Hold up.

We just go round and round, fighting demons.

Can't waste any more time on this... What's the Doc-ism?

Fool's errand? -No, just the opposite.

This demon was brought forth from a vessel.

Should it return, it can be contained, kept alive.

Why, so it can con more people into shitty deals?

No, to save the person who got the shittiest deal of them all.

We catch this demon, Wynonna,

and we use it to save Deputy Marshal Dolls.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh, shit.

You've been cooking drugs for Dolls?

He can no longer depend on Black Badge for his supply.

That's why you bought Shorty's? All for him?

Why didn't he ask... -We are running out of time.

Suffice to say, there is an effort afoot to concoct what he needs,

which requires a demon's blood in its purest form.

If we catch and contain this Marzaniok, we can extract it.

Then, let's get to NOT killing a demon.

Word from your fellas? -Skip's gone AWOL.

But it's not like Cam. -Some stones to turn over still.

Keep your pecker up. Hoo, doggie.

Sheriff, might I inquire as to who's enjoying his final rest?

Sorry. -It's Cam.

He tore his own eyes out.

Dug so deep, he hit brain matter, and then, well...

There, there, compadre.

At this rate, you'll be broken enough for her in no time.

You think that's funny? -Not in the slightest.

Skip's the only one left. -Fret not. -An Earp is on the case.

Don't you worry, Cheryl. -I'll have Skip out lickety-split.

Man!

Only a deal with a demon could land Skip a wife that stacked.

Hi, Waverly. -Jesus! Tucker!

Whew! You startled me. -I'm sorry.

I'd never want to cause you distress. -It's fine. I have to go, OK?

You look so pretty when you smile. -You should do it more often. -Really, Tucker?

OK, but can I ask you something?

Maybe you can get your cop friend to treat me with respect.

Officer Haught is my girlfriend.

You're confused. -That's impossible. It'd just be wrong.

I'll show you wrong.

Hi, Doc! Great news. I know where Skip is!

Hey, team. Everything on fleek?

Fleek city? Super fleek? -Oh my God, Earp.

Look, we need this so the luck of the '07s will rub off on us

and you're kinda harshing our buzz here, lunch lady.

Yeah, I'll serve you lunch.

Hand it over. -Back off, Mom. -Mom? OK, OK.

Now I am terrified for you.

Look, Charlie spent 300 minutes in the penalty box this year. -Yeah?

You had me at 'box'.

What a crazy, awesome bitch.

You look like you had some fun.

Kicked some ass, did my part. Meh. You?

Caught up with Cam a mite late, but located Skip. -Well, is he safe?

It ain't him we're worried about.

I have to get out of here! -You stole a vehicle and ruined a perfectly good oak

while under the influence. -That tree came right at me! -Sure, Skip. OK.

Officer, please. It'll hurt my wife. Anyone near me.

Look, dude, the straw man argument is really not gonna work with me, so...

I'm sorry.

Skip, are you gonna puke?

Skip?

I come for what's mine.

Hands on your head! Now! -Move or die.

I'm a Purgatory Sheriff's Deputy

and if you think you can come in here to my office,

and mess with one of my citizens, you are underestimating the day I've had!

We did not cover this at the academy.

Are we too late? You OK? -I had him right where I wanted him.

Where is he? -Holed up. -Hey, Perry! No!

You sure can pick 'em. -Shut up!

This has to end. Please. -We didn't know what we were doing.

Perry! Open the door! -Let me in, Dum-Dum! Where are the keys?

I've got this.

What are you doing?

A spell in Old High German, I think.

Where's Waverly when you need her?

I thought she was with you.

Gah! -Hey! No! Mm-mm!

Uh... -There's no place like home.

I shall have my pound of flesh.

Deal's off, homie. -Wynonna...

Spare me and I shall grant you what you most desire. Anything.

Doc, there are other demons. -Ours is dang near out of time.

You know what I wish?

I wish you'd get back in the goddamned trophy.

It was brave, trying to reverse the spell...

..but also stupid. -Brave but stupid. I'll take it.

And alive. Don't forget that.

It's not fair. My teammates are dead.

We made mistakes, but we were all in it together. -You saved one. Skip.

Tried to save the others. -Sometimes that's all we can do, right?

I guess your friend's right. I'm not broken enough for you.

No, I'm the one who's broken.

Now go have a life.

Looks like you had a little trouble with the paperwork.

Look, I'll clean up the mess and file the report.

Do you wanna know how Purgatory really works?

OK.

Everyone pretends the whole goddamn town isn't overrun by demons.

That's it? That's the big secret?

The people who choose to live here, they want a simple life in a small town

with a shitty hockey team and a view of the Rockies.

Some of us feel that that's worth ignoring

the occasional mermaid poltergeist.

OK. Yeah, now I'm sure I've hit my head.

I sure hope not. -You graduated top of your class in the big city

and I need someone smart to take over when I retire.

You want me to be sheriff? -Why do you think I worked so hard to recruit you?

Look, I know that Black Badge seems like a hot-shit covert operation...

And they don't have to wear khakis.

..but who's gonna keep the drunks off the road?

Who'll referee the neighbourhood feuds?

Who will keep the ordinary, everyday, non-werewolf citizens of Purgatory safe,

Officer Haught?

We need more manpower, OK? -And we've gotta work with BBD to stop pretending

there's nothing paranormal going on around here.

OK.

You got permission to intervene in the wacky stuff when it's necessary.

The Lord knows they could use your instincts.

And the khakis? -They're a classic trouser.

Fine. Fine. Just be a good cop.

It matters. -Yeah.

Yes, it does. -And, Nicole...

It's called a long game.

I've been playing one for a while.

She attacked me, Beth, by the throat, like she had superhuman strength.

Waverly Earp? -She's a hundred pounds with both goody-two-shoes on.

I wanna report her at the same time we sue Officer Haught for assault.

We have to stick up for each other. We're Gardners.

You're a directionless shut-in and Tucker's the town pervert. -Mercedes!

And as of now, that is going to stop. -What, like you're in charge?

You know, today I watched the same people

who've been making my friend Wynonna Earp's life miserable forever

finally get their asses kicked by her, and it was glorious.

If Mom and Dad were here... -Well, they're not.

We'll not be suing Officer Haught or Waverly.

Leave them alone, Tucker. I mean it.

I'm not fighting your battles anymore, and neither is Beth.

If you die,

I don't have to wait till I turn 21 to get my money.

Super. Until then, you're cut off.

You can't. -Watch me.

I hate you, Mercedes. I hate you.

Yep, it's time we pulled a Wynonna,

did an about-face.

So the genie's back in the bottle?

Sack-face won't be rigging any more scrimmages,

but we need to know how to take him out, control him, draw his blood.

Translating the incantation as we speak. -Thank you.

Hey, Nicole was brave.

She took a beating trying to protect Skip.

You guys OK? -Of course. She's my best baby.

But also, you're the best, OK?

The bestest. I just want her to remember that.

How about I remind her, huh? Tonight.

Might help if you returned my lipstick, though. -I did. -Really?

I gave it to you. -Huh.

I'll check again. -OK.

You sure you're OK?

Better put that somewhere safe.

OK, see you at home.

Where is it? Clock's ticking. -I require assurances from you.

Like I have a choice? -Once released,

ensure the creature is restrained before you try and harvest what we need.

Do not look it in the eye, do not make any wish

and do not seek to use it to your advantage. -You think I'm stupid?

Problem is I know that you're not.

Holy Heisenberg! -What is all this?

Before Dolls' escape,

I injected him with the last of his serum, save for one iota.

My bartender here has been undertaking

the challenging task of trying to reverse-engineer the formula.

We think Boobs McSeltzer can pull this off? -Her name is Rosita

and she has an advanced degree in biochemistry.

Oh. -Well, maybe then I'll just shut up

and stop being such a superficial ass.

Why didn't you tell me any of this before?

Dolls made you promise not to.

Am I so garbage at life, he couldn't even trust me? -It is a dangerous undertaking

and should Lucado ascertain what we are doing here...

..I'm the one Dolls can afford to lose. -But you still did it.

I ain't doing it for him.

You know, for a minute there, I feared you might make a wish with the Marzaniok.

You could have wished away the curse.

I'm stubborn. I always take the hard way.

Whereas I took the path too easy.

I am living

and living and living -

proof that it is not always prudent to strike deals with demons.

Doc, we have. In blood. -Black Badge owns us,

and if they find Dolls, they'll shoot him on sight.

Wynonna, I was supposed to make the drop two days ago.

It ain't ready. -OK, but it's still possible.

If we make it and Dolls can get here...

No. We need to get it to him. He ain't coming back here ever.

He's a damned fool if he does.

Wave... Wave...

What are you doing?

Wave...

Wave... Waverly!