Original subtitles

Don't you know that Android tablets are way cheaper than iPads?

(Ian) SHUT UP!!!

(munching)

Ian!

IAN!

(testily) What?

Dude, you gotta try some of these chips.

They're SO awesome.

Aw, man, I love carbs

but I've kinda got a date coming over.

(scoffing)

You, uh, look at your face?

No... why would I--

OH GOD!

Yeah, it's f*cking disgusting.

Hmm.

(ding)

(beeping)

(munching)

Nice!

(doorbell rings)

Okay, how do I look?

Honestly?

Yeah, it might help if you didn't look so... girly?

You're totally right.

Luckily, I got this.

(camera shutter snaps)

(plunk)

(whump!)

Oh my god!

Oh, I'm so fricking manly now.

Thanks, man.

(hacking)

Are you Ian?

♪ (horror music) ♪

Man, Tinder always f*cks me in the butt!

(woman groans)

(ecstatically) Hi, Ian!!!

Ugh, no.

(woman yelps)

Hey. What's up, handsome?

Hey, what's up yourself... handsome?

So... tell me...

do you like to do sex?

♪ Yankee Doodle went to town ♪--

GODDAMN IT, PANDORA!

This place is really nice.

Your face is real nice.

Ian, your pick up lines suuuuck!

Yeah, uh, shut your fricking face.

(muffled screams)

What's wrong with your black friend?

Uh, what black friend?

(muffled groan)

Are those chips? (gags)

I hate carbs.

Yeah, me too.

This is a no-carb household!

Get outta here, you stupid little carby carbs.

(grunts)

- (giggles breathlessly) - Come on.

(French accent) An unspecified amount of time later.

Well, this is fricking boring.

Want to count how many nipples we have?

I'll start.

One, two...

(camera shutter snaps)

Three...

(inflation noises)

Wha--?! What?

(chuckles evilly)

Yes!

What the hell is happening to my ta-tas?

(evil chuckle)

Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

OH-HO-HO-HO!

AAAAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

(Anthony) Ian! You have to stop this.

Dude, I'm worried about you.

Yeah, it was fun at first

but now you're becoming power-hungry

and you're spiralling on a deep, dark hole.

(nonchalantly) Mmm.

(snipping)

(chopped up) I'm hungry for a deep dark wet hole.

Stop messing with my words!

Uh, what?

(chopped up) Stop messing with my deep dark wet hole.

I'm serious! STOP!

Oh, do I hear a song coming on?

♪ I'm hungry, hungry ♪

♪ For a deep dark wet hole ♪

♪ I'm hungry, hungry ♪

♪ For a deep dark wet hole ♪

STOP!

(crunching noises)

Dude!

(gasps)

You cracked the screen.

Damn it, dude, you shoulda had a case on it!

Oh, pfft!

Dude, those are so ugly and bulky!

- (loud rattling) - (Ian screams)

Dude, we'd better get that thing fixed!

What?!

Dude, nobody gets things fixed.

They just throw them out and buy a new one!

Damn our stupid wasteful society!

(Anthony) And damn you, spinning grey loading butt hole thing!

(Ian) Oh, it does look like a butt hole.

(Anthony) Click that subscribe button to get a magic iPad.

You won't really get a magic iPad.

That's because I am a liar.

I have a lying problem. Please give me therapy.

(Ian) If you wanna see bloopers from this video

and see how we made those boobs get so fricking humongous...

(inflating noises)

..click the video on the left.

And if you wanna see what happened when Anthony got a magic keyboard...

(Ian screams repeatedly)

(screaming speeds up)

..click the video on the right.

And if you're watching this on a phone or your own magic iPad

all the links are in the description box below.

Bye!

[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]