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1
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,503
We're gonna start off
with some questions. Fire away.
2
00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:05,671
Yeah, Jim.
3
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,239
How will the school's rider
4
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:08,607
to the appropriations bill
5
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:11,110
affect a possible veto
by the mayor?
6
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:13,145
I don't know. Larry.
7
00:00:13,213 --> 00:00:16,382
How does the city plan
to handle the inevitable clash
8
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:18,817
between the mayor's
quality of life campaign
9
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:20,886
and the strain it places
on individual rights?
10
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:25,591
I'm taking questions up here,
not riddles, o. k., people?
11
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:27,860
Mr. Mayor.
12
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:29,528
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
13
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,832
We are pleased to announce
that our rat eradication program
14
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:37,836
is not only difficult to say,
but has proven highly effective
15
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:40,506
in reducing the rat population
in the city.
16
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:43,175
So, new yorkers,
your cheese is safe.
17
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,247
your cheese is safe.
18
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:52,851
You wanna take over here, Mike?
I'm getting nothing.
19
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,153
Thank you, mr. Mayor.
20
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,822
Last night,
in an around-the-clock effort,
21
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,824
city workers were able
to eliminate
22
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,726
1 million rats
from new York city.
23
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,328
We tried to be as humane
as possible.
24
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,398
In fact, the lucky millionth rat
was set free,
25
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,735
and given a year's supply
of moldy crackerjacks.
26
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,738
So if you see a rat covered
in caramel
27
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,040
wearing one of those cool
fake tattoos,
28
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:17,543
say congratulations,
and then smash him with a brick.
29
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,270
Nikki, Stacy, I think it's
great that you offered
30
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:46,939
to give the Italian
water polo team
31
00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:50,676
a tour of the office, but since
when does the official tour
32
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:55,214
of city hall end in a hot
tub at the four seasons?
33
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,583
I never understood why they
call it a washboard stomach,
34
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,718
but the way the water
trickles down...
35
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,453
I think we can move on now.
36
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:04,423
Let the woman finish.
37
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:07,960
O.k., unless anyone has
anything else...
38
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:08,861
Paul's wedding gift.
39
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:10,195
Ho ho, oh, guys.
40
00:02:10,263 --> 00:02:11,663
Oh, yeah.
41
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:15,334
We haven't even started
shopping, Mike,
42
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:18,137
because we haven't gotten
Stuart's share yet.
43
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:21,106
Besides the fact that I don't
like Paul that much-no offense-
44
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,675
none taken.
45
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:25,544
I lost my shirt
in that bar venture.
46
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,613
All right, guys, just
get him something
47
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,181
with whatever money we have.
48
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:32,317
Mike, about that press
conference this morning.
49
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:34,620
What would you say if people decided
that they didn't like squirrels
50
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,288
and just started
killing them off?
51
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:39,458
Squirrels are just rats
with good p. r.
52
00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:40,859
You can't play God, Mike.
53
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,795
Oh, no, that's what
attracted me to the job.
54
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:46,265
Young college graduate
to play God.
55
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:48,534
I just don't think we had a
right to kill all those rats.
56
00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,036
We just put the poison out.
57
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:53,105
They killed themselves.
58
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,909
The sad thing? We'll never know
what drove them to it.
59
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,682
James, check out my ad
in the classifieds.
60
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:07,486
Let's see. "Lovely well-built
architect seeks to build Bridges... "
61
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:12,091
No, no, no. The one next to it.
But circle that one.
62
00:03:12,158 --> 00:03:14,526
Hey, wow! Why are you looking
for a roommate?
63
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:16,562
Well, Stuart wasn't
the only one
64
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,865
who lost his shirt in that bar thing.
I can't cover my rent.
65
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,735
If things are that tight, why don't you
just borrow money from your parents?
66
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,937
Uh, because
I'm a grown-up.
67
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,508
Hey, Stacy.
68
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:31,443
How's it going?
69
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:34,546
I can't believe you're touching
my desk with your butt.
70
00:03:34,614 --> 00:03:38,083
I do it every morning
before you come in.
71
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:42,087
I got evicted, and I need a
place to stay for a few days
72
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:44,089
until I find something
I can afford.
73
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,658
It would be the perfect excuse.
74
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:49,661
No, my building
doesn't allow-
75
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,631
wait. Why am I sugar-
coating this? No.
76
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,667
You know,
Carter's actually-
77
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:55,901
no, no, no. Uh-uh.
78
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,636
Got the classifieds there?
79
00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:00,105
Yes. I'm buying a boat.
80
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,640
What about you, Nikki?
81
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,442
I'm down on my luck,
and I'm broke.
82
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,577
I just need a place
to crash for a while.
83
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:08,881
Sorry, I've fallen for that
line way too many times.
84
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,618
Hey, this guy you're dating
sounds pretty cool.
85
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,054
You mean dr. Cash?
86
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,589
He's not a doctor,
he's a veterinarian.
87
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:20,893
I ran it past my mom.
She said it counts.
88
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,028
Maybe one of us should
take Stuart in.
89
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,897
All right, fine. Why don't we
just draw straws?
90
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,267
I love this! I remember
the first time I Drew straws.
91
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,836
It was with my brothers
in High school.
92
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,872
I ended up taking my mom
to the senior prom.
93
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,607
James, that is so sad.
94
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:39,011
What do you mean? I won.
95
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,051
What are you doing?
96
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,653
Drawing straws.
97
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:51,056
Oh. Who won?
98
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,225
Everyone else.
99
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:10,709
Aaaaggggghhhhhh!
100
00:05:12,278 --> 00:05:13,212
what, what, what?
101
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:16,415
A rat! A big rat!
102
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:20,519
This thing was
the size of a dingo!
103
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:23,355
Let me go get my cat.
He's perfect for the job.
104
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:24,790
Wait a minute, Paul.
105
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,692
Didn't mr. Buttons
get beaten up
106
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,961
by one of his own squeaky toys?
107
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,163
That's not fair. Because I put
in the wrong-size battery,
108
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,331
the thing went haywire.
109
00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:34,199
Go get mr. Buttons.
110
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:37,136
It's no coincidence the rat
showed up here, Mike.
111
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:39,705
I think he knows what you did.
112
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:40,973
You know, that's funny,
113
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:44,076
because he looked me
right in the eyes.
114
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,611
See, this is what
I'm talking about.
115
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,280
And then, do you
know what he did?
116
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,915
He got up on his haunches,
117
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:53,218
and he shook his little
rat fist at me,
118
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:58,190
and he said, "I have a brain
the size of a peanut,
119
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:01,060
and so does
your speech writer. "
120
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,598
Rats can't talk.
121
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:12,137
I would like for you
to meet my doctor-
122
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,808
I mean my Neil-dr. Neil.
123
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,510
Mr. Mayor. Wow.
I'm a big admirer of yours.
124
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:21,714
Really? Have you ever
sent me a letter?
125
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:25,217
No, sir, I haven't.
126
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,385
Oh.
127
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,923
oh! Oh, that must be
your beeper, honey.
128
00:06:30,990 --> 00:06:34,159
See, as a doctor, he has
to constantly be on call.
129
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,495
Must be some kind
of medical emergency.
130
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,297
Oh, sorry, sweetie.
Gotta run.
131
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:39,732
Hair ball.
132
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,434
How cool is that?
133
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:45,437
I'm finally dating a guy
with a beeper.
134
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,106
You know, I should
have a beeper.
135
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,607
I should always be available
136
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,576
to make those split-
second decisions.
137
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:52,478
I'll pick one up.
Do you want Black or Gray?
138
00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,247
Better let me sleep on that.
139
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,417
Ooh, hey, Paul.
140
00:06:58,485 --> 00:06:59,985
What's with the throat pillow?
141
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:05,157
This-this is my attack cat,
mr. Buttons.
142
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:08,360
Ah, ah, ah! Watch the hands!
143
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:09,995
No, it's been contracted
144
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,563
to kill
the rat in Mike's office.
145
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:12,998
You can't go in there.
146
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,500
I hid your wedding
present in there.
147
00:07:14,567 --> 00:07:17,636
What a gyp. All right,
mr. Buttons,
148
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:20,005
lock and load.
You're goin' in.
149
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,709
I'll tell you one thing.
150
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,046
I'd hate to be
that rat tonight.
151
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,526
ah!
152
00:07:40,593 --> 00:07:43,362
Home, gay, home.
153
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:47,599
Where should I put these?
154
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,069
How about back
in the seventies?
155
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,170
Ah, come on.
156
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:53,605
I know you're looking
for a roommate.
157
00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:56,542
We're meant for each other.
158
00:07:56,609 --> 00:07:58,377
Huh.
159
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:03,048
This chair should face the
television, not the couch.
160
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:04,783
Uh, uh, o. k., o. k.
161
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:07,553
Stuart, let's play
a little game.
162
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,988
Let's pretend that
this is my apartment,
163
00:08:10,056 --> 00:08:14,193
and I get to have everything the
way I want it all the time.
164
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,830
O.k. So where am I
bedding down?
165
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:20,299
Hey, keep...
166
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:24,003
In my darkroom. Boxed up
all my photo equi...
167
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:25,504
Equipment. Please feel free
168
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:28,374
to change the red light bulb
if you want.
169
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,043
There's a red light bulb
in there? Sweet.
170
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,446
Shall I set up a cot,
171
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,516
or would you prefer to hang
upside down in the corner?
172
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:38,751
Checkmate!
173
00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:39,818
Ah ah!
174
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,921
Stuart, I have some rules.
175
00:08:42,989 --> 00:08:43,989
First, no visitors.
176
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,624
Second, I'm up at 7:15.
177
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,626
I'm in the shower
by 7:20.
178
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,061
I'm out by 7:47.
179
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,462
A 27-minute shower?
180
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,066
If you had hair, you'd have
oo.
181
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:57,636
Oh, hey, Paul.
182
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,507
Mr. Mayor!
183
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,342
What are you doing here, sir?
184
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,411
Well, sometimes I stay late
185
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,813
and snoop around
in people's desks.
186
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,954
What are you doing here?
187
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,489
Same.
188
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,394
They hid my wedding
present in Mike's office.
189
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:23,996
Aaaagggghhhhhh!
190
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,698
Aaaghhh! Oh, my God!
191
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,401
Ugh. Who left a bloody
veal shank on the floor?
192
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:33,972
Oh, my God, it's mr.
Buttons! Dial 911!
193
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,407
What's going on here?
194
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,810
Oh, here. Call 911.
195
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:39,945
It's mr. Buttons! Hurry!
196
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:43,415
Oh, my God. It's silence
of the lambs in there!
197
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:47,119
I'll beep Neil.
This is so exciting!
198
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,654
Not about your cat
being maimed-
199
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:52,458
would you just
beep him, woman?!
200
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,394
I can't find my organizer.
201
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,298
do I have to do everything?
202
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,071
Ah, this music video
is amazing.
203
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,906
I mean, consider the dichotomy.
204
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,209
The lyrics are so
raw, so angry,
205
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,978
and yet the image
is of a mother
206
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,347
letting her friend's son
stay for dinner.
207
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:18,650
Carter, I muted the television
and turned up the radio.
208
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:21,053
This is a stovetop
stuffing commercial.
209
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:27,526
Oh.
210
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:28,927
Don't worry about it.
211
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,963
You're cute when you're
trying to show off.
212
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,331
I'll get us
a couple more beers.
213
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:35,067
Hey, grab a foreign
and a domestic...
214
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,969
You know, for the dichotomy.
215
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,038
O.k., now you're
pushing it.
216
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:41,540
Oh!
217
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,442
You're supposed to be gone
for another 3 hours.
218
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,912
It's pouring out,
and I have no money.
219
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,180
I'm, really, really sorry.
220
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,716
O.k., see you in 3 hours.
221
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:00,659
fine, fine. Just-just
stay out of the way.
222
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,696
You won't even know I'm here.
223
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,099
Who's the chick?
224
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,173
Hey, if you guys need
to talk, I-
225
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,409
no, no. I'll just
eat my burger.
226
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:18,977
You guys just do...
227
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,915
Whatever it is you do.
228
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,886
Oh, hey. The Yankees are
down one in the ninth.
229
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:30,055
Cool. What's the count?
230
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,358
Uh, he's got 3 balls.
231
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,462
don't say it.
232
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:40,299
One more, and there'd be
enough for both you guys.
233
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:54,279
You know what?
Maybe we should just call it a night.
234
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,248
Christopher, wait, wait.
235
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,384
It's o. k.
I'll... call you.
236
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,818
Christopher, you're...
237
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:04,823
I'm sorry. I couldn't
help myself.
238
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:08,327
Get out!
239
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,930
Hey, Carter! I swear,
no more infantile remarks.
240
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:13,465
Really? Hey, o'Neil is up.
241
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,568
Man, I hope he strokes
a long one.
242
00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,437
I'll bet you do.
243
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:27,846
I know mr. Buttons.
He's gonna pull through.
244
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,515
He's a fighter.
245
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,950
Apparently not a very good one.
246
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:35,888
You know what hurts the most
247
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:37,890
is the way that
malicious rodent
248
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,092
just stripped him
of his dignity!
249
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,528
He didn't lose his dignity.
250
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:45,764
Claudia, the rat took his tail!
251
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,501
Can you help me move
the rest of my stuff in?
252
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:50,569
No, Stuart.
253
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,804
You don't seem to understand.
254
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,639
I threw you out for good.
255
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:55,574
You can't throw me out. You're broke.
You need a roommate.
256
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:58,077
Besides, you're never gonna find
anyone else to live with you.
257
00:12:58,144 --> 00:12:59,244
Oh, and how do you know that?
258
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:03,148
I took your ad out
of the paper.
259
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:07,953
Hi. I'm Susan. I called about the apartment.
Are you Carter Heywood?
260
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,288
Yes, I am.
261
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,725
I'll just need
your credit report
262
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,361
and confirmation that you're
into devil worship.
263
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,432
Thanks anyway.
264
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,870
That wasn't Susan.
265
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:25,971
Yeah.
266
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,174
Run, woman, run!
267
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,986
I thought you two went home.
268
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:45,858
I have returned to avenge the senseless
maiming of my beloved friend.
269
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:48,660
We just came to take out a rat.
270
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,696
Why do guys use
that fake macho voice
271
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:52,698
when they talk about
killing something?
272
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,266
I don't know, baby.
273
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,436
We just do.
274
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:00,606
How're you doing?
What do you got?
275
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:05,744
Tennis racket, knee pads,
baseball bat.
276
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:08,047
We're not going
to summer camp, Paul.
277
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,182
All right, what do you got?
278
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:13,452
Spring traps. I got rat poison.
I got glue traps.
279
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,355
How do those glue traps
work anyway, huh?
280
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,026
Well, your dumber
animals
281
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:24,029
just sort of wander onto
them and get stuck.
282
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,699
You gotta be careful
with this stuff, Paulie.
283
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,300
These are not toys.
284
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:38,177
see, now this-
this is very painful.
285
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,115
Well, Susan, it says here
286
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:48,020
that you enjoy gourmet cooking, cleaning...
and travel.
287
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,089
Travel should be listed
under "occupation. "
288
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:51,490
I'm a stewardess.
289
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,360
So I guess that means you
won't be around very much.
290
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,795
At the most, about 8
days out of the month.
291
00:14:56,863 --> 00:15:00,432
And did I mention I can get my
friends free airline tickets?
292
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:10,075
um... I'll replace all
those pop tarts I ate.
293
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,844
Oh. Um...
294
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,015
All right, Stuart,
you listed your turn-on's
295
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:20,019
as fast women, fast cars,
296
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,522
and Southern fried rock.
297
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,024
I think the choice is clear.
298
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,027
Sorry, Susan. The exits are
located at the front
299
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,863
and the rear of the bar.
300
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,467
Congratulations, Susan.
You can move in whenever you want.
301
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,902
Thank you, Carter.
302
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:41,040
All right, Paulie.
Make your sweep.
303
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,543
Copy that, red leader.
304
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:48,113
Mike, if I see a rat,
305
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:51,417
how will I know
it's the right one?
306
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,486
He'll be wearing mr.
Button's tail on his head.
307
00:15:56,856 --> 00:16:00,959
Revenge, thy name is lassiter.
308
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,529
He got behind you!
309
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,963
Aaaggghhhh!
310
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,765
Mike, I'm here
to protect the rat.
311
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,967
Oh, don't worry, James.
312
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:11,837
We'll be humane.
We're just gonna wait him out,
313
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:15,507
and then we're gonna smack
the cheese out of him.
314
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:18,410
I'm afraid I can't let
you do that, Mike.
315
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,714
All right, listen.
You just keep quiet, and don't interfere.
316
00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:25,617
Mike, I'm here to interfere.
317
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,821
Well, then,
we're at an impasse.
318
00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:31,256
Go sit behind my desk.
319
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,761
What's that over there?
320
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,629
There he is, Mike!
321
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,231
Big swing, Paulie!
322
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,644
that's not a rat.
323
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:56,315
Actually, that was
your wedding present.
324
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,452
It's got a remote.
325
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:05,190
From the very first time
Susan and I spoke,
326
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,893
I knew we had a lot in common.
327
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,230
ha ha ha ha ha.
328
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:22,107
You certainly had the
same taste in furniture.
329
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,209
She took everything.
330
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,879
She left my Bean bag
and lamp...
331
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,782
So I'm good.
332
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,785
Claudia and I
333
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,587
have just returned from the
small animal hospital.
334
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,790
It's the hospital that's small.
335
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,292
They treat animals
of all sizes.
336
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:48,100
The point is,
mr. Buttons wasn't there.
337
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,703
Well, I'm sure that Neil
probably took mr. Buttons
338
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,471
to his private clinic.
339
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,407
That would have been hard
for Neil.
340
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,543
Neil's not a doctor.
341
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:59,845
But you said you were a vet.
342
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:04,249
I am. I was
in the Gulf war.
343
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,752
You know, I took
a camera crew over there
344
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:09,254
thinking it would be
a good photo op,
345
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:11,757
and just to save face,
I had to give
346
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:13,625
my certificate of valor
to a ferret.
347
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:18,263
By the way, ferrets don't like
flash photography.
348
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,438
So you win again, Mike.
349
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:33,312
Another helpless creature
falls victim to your madness.
350
00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:36,215
How does that make you feel?
351
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,683
Like dancin'.
352
00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:39,451
Whoo! Dead rat.
353
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:42,554
It's the poison, Mike.
354
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,924
Poor little guy made it halfway
into the bullpen.
355
00:18:47,861 --> 00:18:50,562
Now, that's courage.
356
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,131
Well, I'm very sorry, James,
357
00:18:52,198 --> 00:18:54,133
and I know that for you
358
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,168
that rat stood for something
359
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,771
much more than
the cat-bashing
360
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,372
bag o'plague that he was.
361
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:09,081
Uh, forget about it, Mike.
I was just being silly.
362
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,718
No, no, James, no, no.
363
00:19:12,786 --> 00:19:13,652
It's very important
364
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,788
that you stick up
for your ideals.
365
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:18,090
Right, Mike. Big lesson.
366
00:19:20,026 --> 00:19:21,860
Toss that thing
in the trash, will you?
367
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,263
Yeah. Right away, Mike.
368
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,290
what a nightmare.
369
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,325
Oh, man, I'm exhausted.
370
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,794
Sit in the Bean bag.
371
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,297
I'm not sitting in that
ridiculous-
372
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,100
aw, come on, you've
been up all night.
373
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:02,234
Stuart, I... no.
374
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,706
wow, this is
really comfortable.
375
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:11,443
The only down side is it sticks
to your butt when you're naked.
376
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,049
I want out, I want out,
I want out!
377
00:20:17,117 --> 00:20:21,053
Come on. We've only got
15 minutes to get to work.
378
00:20:21,121 --> 00:20:22,688
I can't believe this
has happened to me.
379
00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:24,923
Ah...
380
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:27,326
It'll be o. k.,
Buddy.
381
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,828
And if that woman ever
shows her face again,
382
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,830
I will unleash
a punishment upon her
383
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,332
she cannot even fathom.
384
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,135
Yeah, what are you gonna do,
date her?
385
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,605
Gonna try.
386
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:47,346
You try to convince everybody that you
only care about yourself, but you don't.
387
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,581
I mean, you stayed up
with me all night.
388
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,350
I had to.
389
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,886
She took my cot.
390
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:57,489
The bottom line is, you're
looking for a place to live,
391
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,792
and I'm looking for someone
who won't steal my stuff.
392
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,427
If you want me
to live here with you,
393
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,628
you're gonna have
to ask me nice.
394
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:05,564
Fine. Stuart...
395
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:08,567
You can move in.
396
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:12,137
Come on, put some sugar
on it, daddy.
397
00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:15,307
Stuart, it would give my life
great Joy and meaning
398
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:17,309
if you would pay half
my rent every month
399
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,877
and try not to bother me.
400
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,312
I'm in!
401
00:21:20,380 --> 00:21:24,149
But the Bean bag goes
in my room.
402
00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:27,252
Great. Then we won't have a
problem with giants breaking in
403
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:28,754
and juggling the furniture.
404
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:37,763
Mr. Buttons. Oh, my God!
405
00:21:37,831 --> 00:21:40,699
What have they done to you?
406
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:44,636
You're not supposed
to shave the whole cat.
407
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:47,773
I have no medical
training, o. k.?
408
00:21:47,841 --> 00:21:51,877
His-his tail seems
a little off-center there.
409
00:21:51,945 --> 00:21:56,482
It's in the right area.
410
00:21:56,549 --> 00:22:01,286
The right area? It's mr.
Buttons, not mr. Potato head.
411
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:04,156
Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
412
00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:08,027
moo.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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