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Most mornings require a double dose
2
00:00:02,464 --> 00:00:04,425
of celebrity gossip
and a triple-shot latte
3
00:00:04,431 --> 00:00:06,011
for me to even begin to perk up.
4
00:00:06,564 --> 00:00:08,872
But today, I didn't need a Miley meltdown
5
00:00:08,898 --> 00:00:10,049
or a mochaccino.
6
00:00:10,284 --> 00:00:13,184
I was being fueled by
something else entirely.
7
00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:15,453
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse. Excuse!
8
00:00:15,518 --> 00:00:17,288
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
9
00:00:17,408 --> 00:00:18,614
Good morning. How are you?
10
00:00:18,653 --> 00:00:19,823
- Fine, thanks, and y...
- O.M.G.
11
00:00:19,836 --> 00:00:20,922
I thought you'd never ask.
12
00:00:20,948 --> 00:00:24,108
I am for reals drunk on
feels, and I'm tingling all...
13
00:00:24,694 --> 00:00:27,231
- Over.
- It is cold-sore season.
14
00:00:27,232 --> 00:00:29,005
No, it is not the herp.
15
00:00:29,148 --> 00:00:30,943
It's the heart. I finally
16
00:00:30,949 --> 00:00:32,880
realized why it's never
gonna happen with Freddy.
17
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:34,792
You mean Freddy the workplace DiCaprio,
18
00:00:34,799 --> 00:00:37,342
with the chiseled pecks and
the tongue-traceable jawline?
19
00:00:37,361 --> 00:00:39,214
Freddy may be the perfect male specimen,
20
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,989
but I think my heart
belongs to someone else.
21
00:00:41,002 --> 00:00:41,946
Who?
22
00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:43,578
Best not be Frank in the mail room
23
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,353
because I am working my long game on him.
24
00:00:45,366 --> 00:00:47,167
It is not Frank!
25
00:00:49,295 --> 00:00:50,348
It's Henry.
26
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,856
As in Henry Henry?
27
00:00:51,976 --> 00:00:55,791
His last name is not Henry,
but, yes, Henry Henry.
28
00:00:55,830 --> 00:00:56,877
Aah!
29
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,210
You're in love with him?
30
00:00:58,210 --> 00:00:59,433
When he looks at me approvingly,
31
00:00:59,465 --> 00:01:01,079
I get these... like, these shooting pangs.
32
00:01:01,559 --> 00:01:02,977
That could be related to your usage
33
00:01:03,003 --> 00:01:04,388
of artificial sweeteners.
34
00:01:04,759 --> 00:01:05,851
Okay.
35
00:01:06,443 --> 00:01:08,053
- What's your probs?
- I don't have probs.
36
00:01:08,076 --> 00:01:10,521
You def have probs. Why aren't you happier?
37
00:01:10,540 --> 00:01:11,913
I always assumed you were secretly rooting
38
00:01:11,929 --> 00:01:13,277
for the two of us to be together.
39
00:01:13,278 --> 00:01:14,905
Not really.
40
00:01:15,025 --> 00:01:16,049
- Charmonique.
- Hmm.
41
00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:17,282
Are you gonna block this?
42
00:01:17,402 --> 00:01:19,457
No, do not... do not block this!
43
00:01:19,509 --> 00:01:21,221
He has a girlfriend, Eliza!
44
00:01:21,257 --> 00:01:22,787
But they hardly ever see each other.
45
00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:24,853
And Henry and I see
each other all the time.
46
00:01:25,824 --> 00:01:27,616
Well, then maybe I should
be in love with Henry.
47
00:01:27,631 --> 00:01:28,901
I see him all the time, too.
48
00:01:28,942 --> 00:01:30,492
Okay, straight-up girl code.
49
00:01:30,529 --> 00:01:32,896
If you have feelings for
Henry, I will legit step aside.
50
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,298
But if you don't...
51
00:01:34,299 --> 00:01:36,777
Charmonique, come on. Support me.
52
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:37,536
Fine.
53
00:01:37,583 --> 00:01:39,705
I am not into Henry. He is all yours.
54
00:01:40,797 --> 00:01:42,832
That is assuming that
he feels the same way.
55
00:01:43,794 --> 00:01:45,422
Only now that Charmonique mentioned it,
56
00:01:45,463 --> 00:01:47,420
I didn't really know how Henry felt.
57
00:01:47,903 --> 00:01:51,279
After I revealed myself to
him, he didn't really say much.
58
00:01:51,399 --> 00:01:52,709
It seemed like all his energy
59
00:01:52,725 --> 00:01:54,400
went into trying not to look at my...
60
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:55,915
Mammaries.
61
00:01:56,565 --> 00:01:57,469
I saw them.
62
00:01:57,886 --> 00:01:59,638
Separately, and then together.
63
00:01:59,895 --> 00:02:01,747
It was basically a full-frontal,
64
00:02:01,762 --> 00:02:04,025
co-worker-type situation. So...
65
00:02:04,951 --> 00:02:07,146
- Naturally, I thought of you.
- Me?
66
00:02:07,693 --> 00:02:08,506
Raj?
67
00:02:08,626 --> 00:02:10,087
I thought, "oh, boy, I'd better talk
68
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,602
to Raj in H.R. about this."
69
00:02:12,077 --> 00:02:14,565
Did you want to file a
sexual-harassment complaint?
70
00:02:14,599 --> 00:02:15,835
No, no, of course not.
71
00:02:15,856 --> 00:02:16,879
So...
72
00:02:17,208 --> 00:02:18,565
A high five, perhaps?
73
00:02:18,948 --> 00:02:21,329
A high fi... absolutely not, no. I...
74
00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:22,927
I just wanted to let you know
75
00:02:22,952 --> 00:02:25,016
that the aforementioned
incident was unsolicited
76
00:02:25,099 --> 00:02:27,817
and did not unfurl on premises.
77
00:02:27,846 --> 00:02:28,820
Unfurl?
78
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:31,430
Still, I thought it best
to fully disclose to you,
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00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:32,733
Raj.
80
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:36,183
Look, Henry, this isn't
exactly unprecedented.
81
00:02:40,599 --> 00:02:41,079
What's that?
82
00:02:41,103 --> 00:02:43,629
Eliza's inter-office sexual claims binder.
83
00:02:45,426 --> 00:02:48,215
Nowadays, we ask that both
parties sign a document
84
00:02:48,223 --> 00:02:49,838
saying that the relationship is consensual.
85
00:02:49,892 --> 00:02:51,809
And if Saperstein approves the request,
86
00:02:52,044 --> 00:02:54,058
employees are free to bump uglies.
87
00:02:54,178 --> 00:02:54,832
That's fascinating.
88
00:02:54,861 --> 00:02:57,762
So, if Eliza has terminated
things with Freddy,
89
00:02:57,774 --> 00:02:59,469
I can shred this...
90
00:03:01,691 --> 00:03:03,992
... and offer you this.
91
00:03:04,504 --> 00:03:05,837
Just sign where indicated.
92
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:06,714
And if all goes well,
93
00:03:06,731 --> 00:03:09,474
you could be getting all up
in there by lunch Thursday...
94
00:03:09,594 --> 00:03:10,662
If I put a rush on it.
95
00:03:29,698 --> 00:03:31,197
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
96
00:03:33,073 --> 00:03:33,751
Team.
97
00:03:34,396 --> 00:03:36,411
Who amongst you can
tell me what time it is?
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00:03:36,531 --> 00:03:37,535
It's 9:33.
99
00:03:37,589 --> 00:03:39,645
9:33:03.
100
00:03:39,658 --> 00:03:41,239
Don't be so literal, compadres.
101
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:44,442
I'm asking what time it is.
102
00:03:44,706 --> 00:03:46,516
- Time to get ill?
- Warmer.
103
00:03:46,941 --> 00:03:49,713
It's time for the annual
kinderkare karaoke party!
104
00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:50,501
Yes!
105
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,201
Whoo!
106
00:03:55,731 --> 00:03:57,799
You earned it, folks!
107
00:03:57,808 --> 00:03:59,880
We crushed our year-end sales goals.
108
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,802
Stock is up. Ergo...
109
00:04:01,998 --> 00:04:04,686
I think I know what time
it is, it's time to get ill
110
00:04:04,715 --> 00:04:07,154
Well said, my sightless friend.
111
00:04:07,185 --> 00:04:08,507
Henry. Henry.
112
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,572
Henry? Henry?
113
00:04:09,631 --> 00:04:11,592
Henry. Psst! Henry. Henry.
114
00:04:11,650 --> 00:04:14,051
Henry. Eliza's trying
to get your attention.
115
00:04:14,134 --> 00:04:16,481
I bet she wants to lock
you down for a duet.
116
00:04:16,693 --> 00:04:17,688
Might I suggest
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00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,388
"Solid as a rock" by Ashford and Simpson?
118
00:04:20,446 --> 00:04:21,728
And we build it up
119
00:04:21,753 --> 00:04:24,347
and we build it up,
and we build it up
120
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,161
and now we're solid
121
00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,083
- Mnh, mnh.
- Yeah.
122
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,456
solid as a rock
123
00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:31,796
Oh-ho-ho!
124
00:04:31,825 --> 00:04:33,726
Feel free to use that one, sir.
125
00:04:33,784 --> 00:04:35,145
I'm more of a solo artist.
126
00:04:35,158 --> 00:04:37,230
What is that supposed to mean?
127
00:04:37,255 --> 00:04:40,284
Folks, please keep in mind
that performance is mandatory.
128
00:04:40,404 --> 00:04:44,617
And no one should sing the
1987 pop hit "Wishing well,"
129
00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,838
which I, myself, will be performing...
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00:04:47,123 --> 00:04:48,340
As I do every year.
131
00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:50,834
- All right.
- All right.
132
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Henry. Henry!
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00:04:54,601 --> 00:04:55,471
Eliza.
134
00:04:56,117 --> 00:04:56,845
Freddy?
135
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:58,023
Can we talk?
136
00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:00,415
Did you forget to gel your swoop?
137
00:05:00,535 --> 00:05:02,638
Uh, yes. Yes, I did.
138
00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:03,969
Oh, my God.
139
00:05:04,209 --> 00:05:05,442
Uh, truth is
140
00:05:05,754 --> 00:05:07,752
I can't gel my swoop, horn my shoes,
141
00:05:07,781 --> 00:05:08,934
press my shirt, or even get through
142
00:05:08,947 --> 00:05:10,794
more than 40% of my Jason Statham workout.
143
00:05:10,952 --> 00:05:11,955
Oh.
144
00:05:13,299 --> 00:05:15,672
I'm starting to lose definition
on those groin muscles
145
00:05:15,684 --> 00:05:16,858
that point to my junk.
146
00:05:17,095 --> 00:05:18,222
Your Adonis belt?
147
00:05:18,223 --> 00:05:19,476
Freddy, no.
148
00:05:19,488 --> 00:05:20,195
Yeah.
149
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,468
Oh, since you dumped me,
I've been falling apart.
150
00:05:22,588 --> 00:05:24,864
I'm in deep Eliza Dooley withdrawal.
151
00:05:24,984 --> 00:05:27,295
And only by the grace of "Backdraft" reruns
152
00:05:27,345 --> 00:05:29,314
on the USA network am I
standing here before you now.
153
00:05:29,434 --> 00:05:30,108
What?
154
00:05:30,138 --> 00:05:31,174
Make no mistake,
155
00:05:31,294 --> 00:05:32,870
Eliza, I'm miserable without you.
156
00:05:33,155 --> 00:05:35,253
Freddy-y-y-y.
157
00:05:35,481 --> 00:05:36,488
If I moved too quickly,
158
00:05:36,513 --> 00:05:37,878
and you're not into the whole "relaysh,"
159
00:05:37,886 --> 00:05:38,943
then let's just go back to having
160
00:05:38,943 --> 00:05:40,283
relentless, casual sex.
161
00:05:40,311 --> 00:05:41,170
Mm.
162
00:05:41,495 --> 00:05:44,562
Being with you is the only
thing that makes any sense to me.
163
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,241
I'm really sorry, Freddy.
164
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:51,169
But right now my head is somewhere else.
165
00:05:51,554 --> 00:05:54,150
So you should probably
just go and gel your swoop.
166
00:05:54,184 --> 00:05:56,422
It'll make you feel so much better, okay?
167
00:06:01,263 --> 00:06:03,212
Okay, what the quack?
168
00:06:03,491 --> 00:06:05,451
- Why are you avoiding me?
- I am...
169
00:06:05,809 --> 00:06:07,252
I am not avoiding you.
170
00:06:07,336 --> 00:06:08,729
You power-walked out
of that conference room
171
00:06:08,742 --> 00:06:10,361
like a mom at the Glendora galleria.
172
00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:12,190
I have a naturally brisk gait.
173
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:13,938
Okay, so, let me get this straight.
174
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:16,211
I break up with my boyfriend,
175
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:17,684
disrobe in a public elevator,
176
00:06:17,688 --> 00:06:18,741
confess that I may
177
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,643
have accidentally fallen in love with you,
178
00:06:20,659 --> 00:06:24,963
and you, in turn, have
a naturally brisk gait?
179
00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:26,032
You didn't say anything
180
00:06:26,049 --> 00:06:28,125
about accidentally falling in love with me.
181
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,568
Well, that was implied.
182
00:06:29,635 --> 00:06:30,834
I exposed myself to you.
183
00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:31,920
You exposed your body to me.
184
00:06:31,945 --> 00:06:34,375
- There is a difference.
- Stop, just stop trying to lecture me
185
00:06:34,384 --> 00:06:36,003
and just tell me how you feel.
186
00:06:36,336 --> 00:06:37,147
I think...
187
00:06:37,975 --> 00:06:39,186
I think...
188
00:06:43,697 --> 00:06:45,442
I need a moment to organize my thoughts.
189
00:06:45,443 --> 00:06:47,169
Once I've performed some due diligence
190
00:06:47,181 --> 00:06:48,660
and weigh the assets and liabilities,
191
00:06:48,679 --> 00:06:50,686
I'll be far better equipped
to share my findings.
192
00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:52,316
Your findings?
193
00:06:53,124 --> 00:06:54,702
We're talking about our relationship,
194
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,545
not a hostile corporate takeover.
195
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:58,975
I'm sorry.
196
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:00,869
I need some time.
197
00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:01,905
Cool.
198
00:07:02,554 --> 00:07:04,642
So, what are you thinking? Like 5? 10?
199
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,771
I could hit up Linda's mint bowl.
200
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,560
Apply a top coat.
201
00:07:08,873 --> 00:07:10,300
Re-record my voicemail to Soulja Boy's
202
00:07:10,317 --> 00:07:12,360
"Kiss me thru the phone,"
and then, like, circle back.
203
00:07:14,795 --> 00:07:16,630
Or I could just leave. Got it.
204
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,756
And how long has it been
since you confronted him
205
00:07:24,781 --> 00:07:25,705
with your emotions?
206
00:07:26,553 --> 00:07:28,068
Almost 24 hours.
207
00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:30,344
I don't get it.
208
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:32,521
Ugh, what am I supposed to do?
209
00:07:33,255 --> 00:07:34,603
Get dressed,
210
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:36,486
huh? Show up at the party
looking like a million bucks
211
00:07:36,511 --> 00:07:37,847
and make him eat his heart out?
212
00:07:37,888 --> 00:07:40,639
No! Hell, no! He ain't Freddie Prinze Jr.!
213
00:07:40,639 --> 00:07:43,478
And I don't need to tell
you you ain't Kate Hudson.
214
00:07:43,515 --> 00:07:44,647
No,
215
00:07:44,767 --> 00:07:46,254
what you need to do
216
00:07:46,295 --> 00:07:48,401
is let yourself into his home
217
00:07:48,422 --> 00:07:50,644
and set fire to his living quarters.
218
00:07:50,669 --> 00:07:51,343
What?
219
00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:53,378
Terry McMillan his ass.
220
00:07:53,378 --> 00:07:56,138
Pile up all his tasteful teak furnishings
221
00:07:56,188 --> 00:07:57,693
and set them ablaze.
222
00:07:57,813 --> 00:08:00,682
Lisa "Left eye" Lopes his whole situation.
223
00:08:00,757 --> 00:08:01,959
You're not serious.
224
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:05,354
He's trying to burn you, is he not?
225
00:08:05,537 --> 00:08:06,416
Is he not?!
226
00:08:06,433 --> 00:08:09,201
But what if Henry decides
he wants to be with me?
227
00:08:09,321 --> 00:08:12,218
Won't burning down his
house, like, ruin things?
228
00:08:12,263 --> 00:08:14,065
No, not necessarily.
229
00:08:14,090 --> 00:08:16,520
I'm sorry. That is terrible advice.
230
00:08:16,521 --> 00:08:17,735
She's crazy.
231
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,895
We haven't met, miss, but
232
00:08:19,953 --> 00:08:21,506
you are out of your mind.
233
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,463
I see.
234
00:08:22,617 --> 00:08:24,573
And do you have a man, Juno?
235
00:08:26,183 --> 00:08:27,757
I have a male cat.
236
00:08:27,919 --> 00:08:29,867
Do you have a man?
237
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:37,845
And you say it's been 24 hours,
and he still hasn't responded?
238
00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:39,185
What am I supposed to do?
239
00:08:39,226 --> 00:08:40,279
If it were me,
240
00:08:40,945 --> 00:08:42,115
rifle through his garbage,
241
00:08:42,131 --> 00:08:43,746
set up surveillance,
tap his mother's phone,
242
00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:44,765
hack into his e-mails.
243
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,816
Henry69! Boom! We're in!
244
00:08:48,224 --> 00:08:49,056
Bitch.
245
00:08:49,293 --> 00:08:50,820
Don't talk loud in my house.
246
00:08:54,607 --> 00:08:57,092
She's stronger than she looks, though.
247
00:08:57,146 --> 00:08:58,940
See, that's part of my game.
248
00:08:59,169 --> 00:09:01,970
I like to come off as
completely non-threatening
249
00:09:01,995 --> 00:09:04,495
so that men feel
comfortable approaching me.
250
00:09:04,737 --> 00:09:05,869
And yet...
251
00:09:06,081 --> 00:09:07,462
they never do.
252
00:09:13,377 --> 00:09:15,538
As Bryn and Charmonique
prepared to go another round,
253
00:09:15,613 --> 00:09:18,913
I realized neither of them
had any advice that was legal.
254
00:09:18,946 --> 00:09:21,156
It didn't really matter
what my friend, my neighbor,
255
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:22,575
or Kate Hudson would do.
256
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:25,176
All that mattered was
finding out how Henry felt.
257
00:09:25,251 --> 00:09:28,023
Whatever it was, I just needed to know.
258
00:09:30,581 --> 00:09:32,130
I don't agree with its politics,
259
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,516
but part of me desperately wants to do
260
00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:36,953
"Bitch, don't kill my
vibe," a known crowd-pleaser.
261
00:09:37,073 --> 00:09:38,036
What about you?
262
00:09:38,156 --> 00:09:39,084
Hmm?
263
00:09:39,351 --> 00:09:41,261
Have you decided what you're going to do?
264
00:09:41,473 --> 00:09:42,355
No.
265
00:09:43,537 --> 00:09:46,787
The truth is I have never felt
more conflicted in my life.
266
00:09:47,122 --> 00:09:48,605
On the one hand, there's this
267
00:09:49,542 --> 00:09:52,363
complicated, beautiful, but,
268
00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:55,197
let's be honest, slightly dangerous option.
269
00:09:55,239 --> 00:09:57,045
"Hollaback girl" by Gwen Stefani!
270
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,023
Exactly.
271
00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,166
And I don't know if I
can pull that one off.
272
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,866
And then there's this warm, safe,
273
00:10:04,515 --> 00:10:07,586
familiar option that feels
very non-threatening and...
274
00:10:09,454 --> 00:10:10,162
... and easy.
275
00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,343
"Uptown girl" by Billy Joel?
276
00:10:12,409 --> 00:10:12,984
The thing is, Raj,
277
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,111
I've been doing "Uptown
girl" my entire life.
278
00:10:15,927 --> 00:10:17,471
And a part of me...
279
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,296
a big part of me wants to try
something different, something...
280
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,255
out of my range.
281
00:10:23,692 --> 00:10:25,706
I like "Hollaback girl" more than I should.
282
00:10:25,723 --> 00:10:27,063
It's a great song.
283
00:10:27,837 --> 00:10:29,406
I may have even grown to love it.
284
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:32,132
And even though it's scary
285
00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:35,416
and uncertain and several people
in this office have performed it
286
00:10:35,433 --> 00:10:36,281
on other occasions...
287
00:10:36,306 --> 00:10:38,941
I'm told two different people
did it at last year's party.
288
00:10:38,961 --> 00:10:39,902
Two d...
289
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:42,823
still...
290
00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:45,940
I would never forgive
myself if I didn't try.
291
00:10:48,137 --> 00:10:49,284
I'm gonna do it.
292
00:10:50,588 --> 00:10:51,874
I'm gonna do it.
293
00:10:53,672 --> 00:10:54,920
I'm gonna go for it.
294
00:10:55,994 --> 00:10:57,147
Thank you, Raj.
295
00:10:58,803 --> 00:11:02,378
Yo, pretty ladies around the world
296
00:11:02,416 --> 00:11:04,484
got a weird thing to show you
297
00:11:04,501 --> 00:11:06,470
so tell all the boys and girls
298
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,630
tell your brother, your sister
299
00:11:08,638 --> 00:11:10,436
and your mama, too
300
00:11:10,556 --> 00:11:12,600
'cause we're about to throw down
301
00:11:12,641 --> 00:11:14,668
and you know just what to do
302
00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:19,067
wave your hands in the
air like you don't care
303
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,104
Hey.
304
00:11:20,287 --> 00:11:21,635
- Waiting for someone?
- Freddy.
305
00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:24,266
Expecting your lady?
306
00:11:24,811 --> 00:11:26,059
Who? Uh...
307
00:11:26,883 --> 00:11:28,801
Julia. Julia. Yeah.
308
00:11:28,829 --> 00:11:30,935
No, she's, uh, working tonight.
309
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,026
She's not gonna make it.
310
00:11:32,071 --> 00:11:33,470
No woman, no cry.
311
00:11:33,486 --> 00:11:35,430
That's actually a popular misconception.
312
00:11:35,459 --> 00:11:37,295
That is not what that song was about.
313
00:11:37,345 --> 00:11:39,292
I never should have tried to
get serious with her, right?
314
00:11:39,463 --> 00:11:42,081
Is that it? She's just not
the relationship kind of girl?
315
00:11:43,126 --> 00:11:44,438
Come on, Henry.
316
00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:47,076
You know her better than anyone else.
317
00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:49,452
No, no. Oh, yeah,
you do. You can tell me.
318
00:11:49,884 --> 00:11:51,116
What happened between us?
319
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:53,742
I'm not really sure. Maybe...
maybe it wasn't meant to be.
320
00:11:54,304 --> 00:11:55,744
Wasn't meant to be?
321
00:11:56,184 --> 00:11:58,185
We were crazy about each other.
322
00:11:58,361 --> 00:11:59,518
We devoured each other.
323
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,283
I mean, I'm sure she
told you the sex was just
324
00:12:01,562 --> 00:12:02,706
out of control.
325
00:12:03,325 --> 00:12:04,467
Maybe she's scared...
326
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,985
of being vulnerable... of, uh...
327
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,040
of having something real.
328
00:12:09,364 --> 00:12:10,816
Yeah, that sounds about right.
329
00:12:11,033 --> 00:12:12,065
Yeah, it does.
330
00:12:12,223 --> 00:12:14,099
It's like the second she
knows you care about her,
331
00:12:14,136 --> 00:12:15,248
watch out, boy.
332
00:12:15,322 --> 00:12:16,820
She'll chew you up.
333
00:12:17,054 --> 00:12:18,444
She's a maneater.
334
00:12:19,107 --> 00:12:20,492
I think I might do "Maneater."
335
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:25,078
- Whoo. Whoo!
-
No matter where you say it
336
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,992
you know that you'll be heard
337
00:12:29,780 --> 00:12:33,193
Yeah!
338
00:12:33,855 --> 00:12:34,989
All right.
339
00:12:37,933 --> 00:12:40,946
I looked worse than Megan
Fox after a bad chemical peel.
340
00:12:41,275 --> 00:12:42,698
But for the first time in forever,
341
00:12:42,711 --> 00:12:44,426
I wasn't thinking about what I looked like.
342
00:12:44,471 --> 00:12:46,131
I was only thinking about...
343
00:12:46,781 --> 00:12:47,938
Henry!
344
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,823
-
oh, here she comes
- Henry.
345
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:53,140
-
Watch out, boy, she'll chew you up
- He...
346
00:12:53,215 --> 00:12:54,938
oh, here she comes
347
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,565
she's a maneater
348
00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:57,847
Excuse me.
349
00:12:58,171 --> 00:13:00,556
Oh, here she comes
350
00:13:00,873 --> 00:13:03,474
watch out, boy, she'll chew you up
351
00:13:03,715 --> 00:13:05,838
oh, here she comes
352
00:13:05,883 --> 00:13:08,751
she's a maneater
353
00:13:10,345 --> 00:13:11,769
- Time's up.
- Eliza.
354
00:13:12,368 --> 00:13:13,633
You look ready for bed.
355
00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,651
I don't want to set fire
to your living quarters
356
00:13:15,725 --> 00:13:17,132
or wiretap your mom's phone.
357
00:13:17,182 --> 00:13:18,010
That's reassuring.
358
00:13:18,019 --> 00:13:20,790
I just... I just want to
know how you feel about me.
359
00:13:21,481 --> 00:13:22,209
Right.
360
00:13:22,459 --> 00:13:23,141
Right.
361
00:13:23,474 --> 00:13:24,639
Come in.
362
00:13:26,528 --> 00:13:28,043
Have a seat. Yes, right there.
363
00:13:35,751 --> 00:13:38,551
So, it's hard for me to access
my own feeling sometimes,
364
00:13:38,809 --> 00:13:40,191
you know, due to a great number of things,
365
00:13:40,204 --> 00:13:42,227
including the 1979 remake of "The Champ"
366
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,330
starring Ricky Schroder,
367
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:46,097
during which I cried so hard, I threw up.
368
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,366
Who's Ricky Schroder?
369
00:13:47,436 --> 00:13:48,223
"Who is... ?"
370
00:13:49,097 --> 00:13:49,685
Doesn't matter.
371
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:51,582
The... the... the point is...
372
00:13:51,967 --> 00:13:54,966
... I have trouble understanding
my own feelings sometimes.
373
00:13:55,086 --> 00:13:56,256
But in this case,
374
00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:58,336
I believe I understand yours.
375
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,775
I almost convinced myself otherwise,
376
00:14:00,776 --> 00:14:02,432
but deep down, I think I know.
377
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,796
- Know what?
- Your feelings for me
378
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,238
are less about me and more about you...
379
00:14:07,617 --> 00:14:08,449
and Freddy.
380
00:14:08,450 --> 00:14:09,236
Hmm?
381
00:14:09,270 --> 00:14:10,506
Things with him were getting serious,
382
00:14:10,544 --> 00:14:11,326
and that scared you.
383
00:14:11,347 --> 00:14:13,274
So... so you sabotaged the relationship
384
00:14:13,307 --> 00:14:14,672
by throwing yourself at me.
385
00:14:17,086 --> 00:14:18,202
Are you kidding?
386
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,215
It took you a full day
to come up with that?
387
00:14:21,776 --> 00:14:22,488
Wow.
388
00:14:23,482 --> 00:14:24,860
That's really pathetic, Henry.
389
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:26,387
Eliza, w...
390
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:27,773
You know, maybe I should be with Freddy.
391
00:14:27,785 --> 00:14:29,172
At least he knows what he wants.
392
00:14:29,226 --> 00:14:31,452
Plus he happens to own an Adonis belt.
393
00:14:32,168 --> 00:14:33,584
And all your belts are leather.
394
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,851
And for the record,
395
00:14:37,566 --> 00:14:39,743
I'm not scared of being
in a relationship, Henry.
396
00:14:41,149 --> 00:14:41,899
You are.
397
00:14:42,107 --> 00:14:43,372
I happen to be in a relationship
398
00:14:43,389 --> 00:14:45,386
that is healthy and functional and smooth.
399
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:46,831
That literally sounds like
400
00:14:46,835 --> 00:14:48,333
you're describing a bowel movement.
401
00:14:48,362 --> 00:14:49,765
That's strictly coincidental.
402
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:51,708
Is it? See, I think you're hiding
403
00:14:52,071 --> 00:14:55,067
behind your safe, boring,
crappy relationship with Julia,
404
00:14:55,075 --> 00:14:57,369
hoping no one notices that
you're not in love with her.
405
00:14:58,947 --> 00:15:00,091
I notice.
406
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:01,893
I notice.
407
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:04,052
You're the one...
408
00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:05,747
you're the one who's terrified
of feeling anything...
409
00:15:05,785 --> 00:15:07,578
anything you can't control.
410
00:15:07,582 --> 00:15:10,425
You're just a chicken.
You're a big chicken!
411
00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:11,873
Eliza!
412
00:15:14,816 --> 00:15:16,255
And that...
413
00:15:16,593 --> 00:15:19,926
is the m... monologue from the
play I am auditioning for. So,
414
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:21,807
wish me luck, guys.
415
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:31,311
Ouch.
416
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,556
Kissing like a bandit
417
00:15:39,676 --> 00:15:40,929
stealing time
418
00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:45,333
underneath the sycamore tree
419
00:15:46,536 --> 00:15:50,181
cupid, by the hour,
sends valentines
420
00:15:50,494 --> 00:15:53,807
to my sweet lover and me
421
00:15:53,844 --> 00:15:55,309
While I was drinking away my feelings...
422
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,019
-
Slowly, but surely
- ... Henry was probably home
423
00:15:57,073 --> 00:15:58,983
having missionary make-up sex with...
424
00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:07,876
You didn't go after her.
425
00:16:08,684 --> 00:16:10,348
You didn't go after Julia.
426
00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:12,109
- She's waiting for me downstairs.
- Liar!
427
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,492
She stormed off mad at you,
428
00:16:13,508 --> 00:16:15,822
and you didn't go after her
because what I said is true.
429
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,078
And you're secretly in love with me.
430
00:16:19,106 --> 00:16:20,983
Blink once if you're
secretly in love with me.
431
00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:22,011
Eliza.
432
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,784
Blink once if you have feelings for me,
433
00:16:23,805 --> 00:16:25,777
but you're unwilling to admit it.
434
00:16:25,844 --> 00:16:27,638
- You're drunk.
- Blink if you want me!
435
00:16:34,504 --> 00:16:35,811
Ha ha!
436
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,220
- Now my eyes are extremely dry.
- I knew it.
437
00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:39,906
- I can't stop blinking.
- Hey.
438
00:16:39,972 --> 00:16:41,071
Hey.
439
00:16:41,331 --> 00:16:43,934
I love you, too.
440
00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:45,341
Eliza.
441
00:16:45,583 --> 00:16:48,288
Julia is waiting for me
downstairs. I have to go.
442
00:16:50,465 --> 00:16:51,809
Good night, Eliza.
443
00:16:52,853 --> 00:16:55,908
Next up onstage is Eliza Dooley.
444
00:16:55,958 --> 00:16:57,615
So, where's Eliza?
445
00:16:57,856 --> 00:17:01,436
There she is. Hey, Eliza, get up here!
446
00:17:02,172 --> 00:17:03,620
It's your time.
447
00:17:07,604 --> 00:17:11,679
Party girls don't get
hurt, can't feel anything
448
00:17:11,725 --> 00:17:13,044
when will I learn?
449
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:16,544
I push it down, push it down
450
00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:22,371
I'm the one, "for
a good time, call"
451
00:17:22,387 --> 00:17:25,354
phone's blowing up,
they're ringing my doorbell
452
00:17:25,429 --> 00:17:29,953
I feel the love, feel the l-o-o-ove
453
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,052
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
454
00:17:35,073 --> 00:17:38,119
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
455
00:17:38,136 --> 00:17:41,228
1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink
456
00:17:41,262 --> 00:17:44,588
throw 'em back till I lose count
457
00:17:44,605 --> 00:17:48,907
I'm gonna swing
458
00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:53,218
from the chandelier
459
00:17:53,259 --> 00:17:56,892
from the chandelier
460
00:17:56,917 --> 00:18:01,245
I'm gonna live
461
00:18:01,324 --> 00:18:05,528
like tomorrow doesn't exist
462
00:18:05,648 --> 00:18:09,665
like it doesn't exi-i-i-st
463
00:18:09,711 --> 00:18:13,727
I'm gonna fly
464
00:18:13,777 --> 00:18:17,731
like a bird through the night
465
00:18:17,851 --> 00:18:21,472
feel my tears as they dry
466
00:18:21,592 --> 00:18:26,905
I'm gonna swing
467
00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:30,339
from the chandelier
468
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:33,289
the chandelier
469
00:18:33,315 --> 00:18:35,750
but I'm holding on for dear life
470
00:18:35,762 --> 00:18:38,688
won't look down, won't open my eyes
471
00:18:38,759 --> 00:18:41,701
keep my glass full
until morning light
472
00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,976
'cause I'm just
holding on for tonight
473
00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:47,981
help me, I'm holding
on for dear life
474
00:18:48,064 --> 00:18:51,081
won't look down, won't open my eyes
475
00:18:51,135 --> 00:18:54,215
keep my glass full
until morning light
476
00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:57,198
oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
477
00:18:57,318 --> 00:19:00,532
oh, I'm just holding on for tonight
478
00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,768
on for tonight
479
00:19:01,789 --> 00:19:05,468
on for tonight
480
00:19:19,564 --> 00:19:21,116
I don't know why I'm calling you.
481
00:19:21,178 --> 00:19:22,851
You should be calling me.
482
00:19:23,546 --> 00:19:25,402
But the point is you aren't.
483
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:28,128
I guess that tells me
everything I need to know.
484
00:19:28,444 --> 00:19:30,741
And I guess that means...
485
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,543
Goodbye.
486
00:19:35,794 --> 00:19:36,834
Hmm.
487
00:19:37,105 --> 00:19:39,123
Two lone wolves, you and I.
488
00:19:39,243 --> 00:19:40,501
Looks that way.
489
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:42,948
I didn't see you up there tonight.
490
00:19:43,422 --> 00:19:45,054
No, sir.
491
00:19:45,957 --> 00:19:47,975
I thought Korean people loved karaoke.
492
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,739
Sir, that is a stereotype.
493
00:19:51,634 --> 00:19:53,033
It happens to be true.
494
00:19:55,101 --> 00:19:56,641
I guess I'm the exception.
495
00:19:57,686 --> 00:19:59,122
Well, that's too bad
496
00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:02,131
because it is... mandatory.
497
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:07,647
- Sir, I'm not exactly in the mood for...
- Mandatory, son.
498
00:20:28,287 --> 00:20:31,620
Now that I've lost
everything to you
499
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:38,302
You say you want to
start something new
500
00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:45,116
And it's breaking my
heart you're leaving
501
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,688
baby, I'm grieving
502
00:20:48,808 --> 00:20:52,038
but if you want to
leave, take good care
503
00:20:52,158 --> 00:20:55,362
hope you have a lot
of nice things to wear
504
00:20:55,482 --> 00:20:59,999
but then a lot of nice
things turn bad out there
505
00:21:01,502 --> 00:21:05,913
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
506
00:21:07,672 --> 00:21:11,324
it's hard to get
by just upon a smile
507
00:21:13,723 --> 00:21:17,952
Ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
508
00:21:19,674 --> 00:21:23,737
I'll always remember
you like a child, girl
509
00:21:25,927 --> 00:21:29,220
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- www.addic7ed.com -
510
00:21:29,270 --> 00:21:33,820
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