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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,230 --> 00:00:02,710 Growing up, I saw birthdays 2 00:00:02,710 --> 00:00:04,650 as a chance to party with my friends. 3 00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:07,120 or at the least, the one friend 4 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,330 who my mom hired, who happened to be a clown. 5 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:15,810 Nowadays, I party like a drunk Reese Witherspoon. 6 00:00:15,810 --> 00:00:18,540 I am an American citizen, 7 00:00:18,550 --> 00:00:20,430 and I am on U.S. soil! 8 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,220 Unfortunately, not everyone thinks life is a party, 9 00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:29,040 and by "Not everyone," I mean Henry. 10 00:00:29,050 --> 00:00:32,350 The cellphone is an extension of the hand. 11 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,340 In fact, the very surface of your cellular device 12 00:00:35,340 --> 00:00:38,700 is home to thousands of germs, microbes, and bacteria, 13 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,270 capable of causing everything from 14 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,550 pneumonia to diphtheria and quite possibly -- 15 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:43,410 Aids! 16 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,630 N-no, not aids. 17 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:46,910 Ebola? 18 00:00:48,140 --> 00:00:50,260 Those are the two I'm mainly worried about. 19 00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:52,970 Charlie, I will not hesitate to mace you! 20 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:53,840 Move! 21 00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:55,900 - Charlie! - I'm sorry, sir. 22 00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:57,710 She's way stronger than me. 23 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,420 Yeah, she is. How can I help you? 24 00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:05,750 You know damn well I'm here on official company business. 25 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:07,290 Let's just get it over with. 26 00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:09,090 Don't be mad at me. 27 00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:10,590 I didn't come up with the policy. 28 00:01:10,590 --> 00:01:12,700 - I don't also need a lecture! - Fine. 29 00:01:12,890 --> 00:01:14,360 - Ready? - I'm ready. 30 00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:15,810 Go. 31 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:24,650 {\an9} Happy Birthday to you 32 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,260 It's your birthday?! 33 00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:31,330 {\an9} Happy Birthday dear Henry-y-y-y 34 00:01:31,430 --> 00:01:33,400 {\an9} Happy Birthday to you 35 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,910 Saturday is my birthday. 36 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,420 Policy dictates that the "Happy Birthday" song 37 00:01:37,420 --> 00:01:40,340 must be administered on or before the employee's date of birth, 38 00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:41,910 and I don't work on Saturdays, so... 39 00:01:41,910 --> 00:01:43,630 Thank you, Charmonique. I have been served. 40 00:01:43,630 --> 00:01:44,680 Now, if you'll excuse us, 41 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,190 Eliza and I are late for a meeting with R&D. 42 00:01:50,220 --> 00:01:51,870 I'm sorry. I just don't enjoy being celebrated. 43 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,200 Your birthday lands on a weekend? 44 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,990 You're basically living my dream. 45 00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:57,240 My next b-day falls on stupid Tuesday. 46 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:58,330 Don't disparage Tuesdays. 47 00:01:58,330 --> 00:01:59,430 Tuesdays have done nothing to you. 48 00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:01,840 So, what are you gonna do to celebrate? 49 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:03,680 I'm not entirely sure. 50 00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:05,240 Julia and I may grab dinner. 51 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,560 Other than that, I was hoping to power-wash my carport, 52 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,800 maybe finish this documentary on tiny houses. 53 00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,360 - Who wronged you? - What? 54 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,560 Why are you the way you are? 55 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,820 There he is! Birthday boy! 56 00:02:17,950 --> 00:02:20,760 Got you something. Don't try to dodge it. 57 00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:23,540 Don't you dare try and dodge it! 58 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:26,120 He's dodging it! He's a dodg-- whoa! 59 00:02:50,910 --> 00:02:52,030 Birthday boy? 60 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:53,570 No idea, sir. 61 00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:56,080 He's getting wilier with age. 62 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,540 I do admire that. 63 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,210 See that he gets that. 64 00:03:02,730 --> 00:03:05,190 All this just to avoid people giving you gifts? 65 00:03:07,830 --> 00:03:10,470 What constitutes a gift is entirely subjective. 66 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,030 In my experience, co-workers alternate 67 00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:16,400 between cheap, impersonal items like this partially used 68 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,160 Barry's brisket gift card from Larry 69 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,760 and lavish, impersonal items like this... 70 00:03:21,930 --> 00:03:25,140 Endangered ivory-tusk letter opener from Saperstein. 71 00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:27,420 Henry, you have spent weeks impressing upon me 72 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:29,510 the importance of good manners and social grace. 73 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,360 There's no way I'm not getting you a birthday present. 74 00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:32,440 Fair enough. 75 00:03:33,030 --> 00:03:34,870 Then I task you with finding something personal -- 76 00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:36,440 meaningful, yet modest. 77 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,960 Fine. But, um... 78 00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:41,950 Can I cop that barry's brisket gift card? 79 00:03:41,950 --> 00:03:44,960 Because I am hella hangry, and it's, like, not even noon. 80 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,270 - Go ahead. - Thank you. 81 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,590 What do you guys think Henry would love more -- 82 00:03:50,590 --> 00:03:53,920 A tempur-pedic pillow or a mug that says "I mean business!"? 83 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,690 - Mug. - They both sound terrible. 84 00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:58,510 He says he wants something modest, yet meaningful. 85 00:03:58,510 --> 00:03:59,450 What am I supposed to do -- 86 00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:01,360 Capture and gift wrap Cate Blanchett? 87 00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,650 Oh, you know who I've always wanted to capture? 88 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,370 Clive Owen. 89 00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,520 I just think he's great. 90 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,800 Yeah, but isn't he kind of Clive Owen in everything? 91 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:10,940 Oh, that's not fair. 92 00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:13,420 Can we focus, please? Let's think. 93 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,530 What's something henry doesn't have? 94 00:04:18,180 --> 00:04:19,400 Fun. 95 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:26,040 Wait, there's some truth in your hilarious burn. 96 00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:28,200 What about a party? 97 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,290 I could throw Henry a fun party 98 00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:31,390 with a cake and white tigers -- 99 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,350 I'm in! I'm in! I-I'm coming -- no take-backs! 100 00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:34,920 I don't know. 101 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,290 Henry doesn't seem like the "Fun party" kind of guy. 102 00:04:37,290 --> 00:04:38,440 He seems more like the 103 00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:40,990 "leave the fun party early to avoid traffic" kind of guy. 104 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,430 Stop saying things that are true! 105 00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:46,310 Sidebar -- does anyone want this? 106 00:04:58,990 --> 00:05:00,370 Oh, dear God! 107 00:05:00,370 --> 00:05:01,700 I thought you were a possum! 108 00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:03,360 I'm not. 109 00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:05,030 What are you doing out there?! 110 00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:06,910 - Waiting till midnight. - What at midnight? 111 00:05:06,910 --> 00:05:08,560 Your birthday, dummy. 112 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,490 Open up. 113 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:16,180 - Geez! - Wait, wait, wait, wait, waiting. 114 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,700 Okay, now. Open up. 115 00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:22,180 Two tickets to Blues Traveler. 116 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,770 Stunned silence. 117 00:05:26,770 --> 00:05:27,650 Partially blind. 118 00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:29,960 Blues Traveler's your favorite band, right? 119 00:05:30,990 --> 00:05:33,240 Technically, my membership to the John Popper army 120 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,660 expired 20 years ago. 121 00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,450 But, uh, I did used to love them. 122 00:05:37,830 --> 00:05:39,480 Wait, how did you know? 123 00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:42,790 I just stalked every single person in your graduating class, 124 00:05:42,790 --> 00:05:44,680 scoured all their individual Facebook photos 125 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,260 until I found one from 1994 126 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,960 that you could been seen in the background of, 127 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,460 sporting a nasty, little rat tail and a Blues Traveler T-shirt. 128 00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:54,590 In the '90s, that was an acceptable look. 129 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,770 Thank you, Eliza. Well done. 130 00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:58,730 You accomplished the task. 131 00:05:59,170 --> 00:06:01,590 "You accomplished the task." 132 00:06:02,610 --> 00:06:05,380 Well, thank you, m'dear. You weren't too shabby yourself. 133 00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:08,120 No, that's what Henry said when I gave him his birthday present. 134 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:10,180 Should I be worried that you're laying naked 135 00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:11,470 in bed with me, thinking about Henry? 136 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,660 I got him tickets to Blues Traveler for his birthday, 137 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:16,780 and I expected him to be, like, a little more, whoo, excited! 138 00:06:17,150 --> 00:06:20,380 In his defense, jam-band tickets aren't that exciting. 139 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,750 He said "Modest and meaningful." 140 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,620 Well, you basically just gave the man two pieces of paper. 141 00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:28,450 Well, I wanted to throw him a party. 142 00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:30,560 Well, why didn't you? Parties are awesome. 143 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,500 Because everyone else said Henry wouldn't want one. 144 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,350 Come on. Everybody wants one. 145 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:37,390 That's why all-important events culminate in a celebration. 146 00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:41,140 Think about it -- death, marriage, May 5th, football. 147 00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,890 Oh, my God, babies, the Oscars, hurricanes -- 148 00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,270 They all come with parties! 149 00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:46,820 Okay, that settles it. 150 00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:48,220 While Henry's at that concert, 151 00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:49,630 I'm breaking into his house, 152 00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,390 throwing him a surprise party. 153 00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:54,040 He's gonna think he hates it, but then it's gonna be 154 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,690 just like you and the "Edge of Tomorrow." 155 00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:57,030 Ah, I loved "Edge of Tomorrow." 156 00:06:57,030 --> 00:06:59,180 Oh, I know, but, originally, you didn't want to watch it 157 00:06:59,180 --> 00:07:00,600 because you were still mad about "Jack Reacher." 158 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,970 Tom Cruise had no business playing Jack Reacher! 159 00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:05,930 It should have been Chris Hemsworth. 160 00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:09,140 But then we watched it on demand, and you super loved it 161 00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:12,160 and it totally erased all the bad blood between you and T-cruise. 162 00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:14,640 Wait, so, did we just agree 163 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,000 to throw Henry a party or watch a Tom Cruise movie? 164 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,580 Both. I'll call about a keg. 165 00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:19,910 You put on "The Last Samurai." 166 00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:21,940 He had no business playing the last samurai! 167 00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:25,780 Unlike you... 168 00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:28,140 The night is still young. 169 00:07:28,850 --> 00:07:30,280 That's just a bit of birthday ribbing. 170 00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:32,690 I hope I didn't take it too far. 171 00:07:32,690 --> 00:07:34,770 Not at all. That was just the right level. 172 00:07:35,110 --> 00:07:35,910 Okay. 173 00:07:36,380 --> 00:07:38,950 But, seriously, folks... 174 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,070 ...what might you enjoy doing after dinner? 175 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:42,750 I read the Fowler Museum 176 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:45,680 has a fascinating exhibit on the volga trade route. 177 00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:46,960 The whole route? 178 00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:48,980 From Uppsala to the Caspian Sea. 179 00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:51,560 Well, I do love river-based trade. 180 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,900 But I was actually thinking we could... 181 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,850 check out a Blues Traveler concert. 182 00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:58,750 I'm sorry? 183 00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:01,100 It's silly, but I used to be a bit of a fan, 184 00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:03,110 and I got these tickets for my birthday. 185 00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:06,350 I...I thought it could be a cultural safari. 186 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,730 More like a cultural "I'm sorry." 187 00:08:12,430 --> 00:08:14,150 I will be here all night. 188 00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:16,250 That was wonderful. Cheers. 189 00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:19,370 Oh. While Henry enjoyed some boring banter with his boring girlfriend, 190 00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:22,170 I broke into his boring house to plan something fun. 191 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,290 Tell me if this has been overdone -- 192 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,140 A basil-strawberry vodka luge 193 00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:29,110 that empties onto three or four bisexual cage dancers. 194 00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:31,970 Eliza, this is Henry we're talking about, right? 195 00:08:32,310 --> 00:08:34,510 Okay, I'm gonna share with you some party wisdom 196 00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:37,180 that has been thrice confirmed by my boy Checkers, 197 00:08:37,180 --> 00:08:39,410 who's a bouncer, my old college roommate Peanut, 198 00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:40,730 and this dude I know named whiskers, 199 00:08:40,730 --> 00:08:42,120 who's opening up a club downtown. 200 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,000 Why do all your friends have cat names? 201 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,090 They just do. 202 00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:46,600 You ready? Here it is. 203 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,150 The celebration must suit the celebrant. 204 00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:51,090 You're not gonna get Puff Daddy a bouncy castle, 205 00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:53,360 nor a small child 12 cases of ciroc. 206 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,490 You dropped it. I caught it -- knowledge. 207 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,300 Huh. My work here is done. 208 00:08:58,300 --> 00:08:59,190 Well, hey, where are you going? 209 00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:01,020 I said whiskers is opening up a club downtown. 210 00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:02,360 All my boys are gonna be there -- 211 00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:05,500 Mittens, Bandit, Garfield, 212 00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:07,740 Felix, Azrael, Heathcliff. 213 00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:09,730 Okay, n-now you're just messing with me. 214 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:10,640 Yes, I am. 215 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:11,490 No, but, seriously, 216 00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:13,390 I got to go meet Sylvester and Hobbes. 217 00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:20,510 We are Rusted Courage, 218 00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:22,740 and our T-shirts are three for one! 219 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:25,260 Next up, Blues Traveler! 220 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,400 Is he going to do that all night? 221 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,520 I want to hear those "whoos"! 222 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,700 I think so. 223 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:42,420 Everyone seems to be enjoying their flat beer. 224 00:09:42,420 --> 00:09:43,460 Would you care for one? 225 00:09:43,460 --> 00:09:46,960 After paying $30 for parking, I'm not sure we can afford it. 226 00:09:47,590 --> 00:09:50,640 All right, we're gonna start this one off with some new stuff! 227 00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,790 But you guys came here for some new stuff, right? 228 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,250 Just kidding. 229 00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:57,240 I wouldn't want to give you the runaround. 230 00:10:10,950 --> 00:10:13,010 Julia, thank you for enduring this. 231 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,390 I'm here for nostalgia more than a love of -- 232 00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:18,820 {\an9} Oh once upon a midnight dreary 233 00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:21,340 {\an9} I woke with something in my head 234 00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:24,860 {\an9} I couldn't escape the memory 235 00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:25,970 Did you want earplugs? 236 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,270 I know we're close to the stage, but -- 237 00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:30,290 You still got the pipes, Popper! 238 00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:32,710 No, yeah, you still do! 239 00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,140 Oh my God, he pointed at me! 240 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:38,000 A-actually, I think I would like some earplugs! 241 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,610 Okay, would you want me to go get you some? 242 00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:40,440 Oh, well, I can -- 243 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,640 {\an9} Yeah, humor me and tell me lies 244 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:47,070 {\an9} Well, I'll lie, too, and say I don't mind 245 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:50,220 {\an9} And as we seek, so shall we find 246 00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:53,400 {\an9} And when you're feeling open, I'll still be here 247 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,370 {\an9} But not without a certain degree of fear 248 00:10:56,370 --> 00:10:59,380 {\an9} Of what will be with you and me 249 00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:02,690 {\an9} I still can see things hopefully 250 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:05,060 I may go purchase a bag of peanuts! 251 00:11:05,070 --> 00:11:08,570 {\an9} Why you want to give a runaround! 252 00:11:08,590 --> 00:11:12,260 {\an9} Yeah, it's a surefire way to speed thins up 253 00:11:12,390 --> 00:11:17,610 {\an9} When all it does is slow me down 254 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,990 Yeah! 255 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,540 So, as we all know, Henry's favorite thing 256 00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:25,470 in the whole entire world is... 257 00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:26,970 Me. 258 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,980 Close. It's work or the workplace. 259 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,400 Right. I knew that. 260 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,600 And since today is the day Henry got born, 261 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:33,720 I really wanted to celebrate 262 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,430 by bringing him the thing he loves most, 263 00:11:35,430 --> 00:11:38,400 hence Henry's office-themed birthday party! 264 00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,090 Why didn't we just do it at the office? 265 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:44,040 Um, for the obvious reason that I didn't think of that. 266 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,800 Any other questions? 267 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:50,230 Do I still work for Henry, or am I a guest here? 268 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,380 Uh, am I still his boss? 269 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:53,970 I mean, can I tell him what to do tonight? 270 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:55,670 Yes, and yes. 271 00:11:55,670 --> 00:11:57,320 Good. Good. 272 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,040 I'm just glad I don't have to drink alone. 273 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:01,440 That's the spirit! Huh?! 274 00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:05,200 Everyone, just drink with Larry, much like you would do at work. 275 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,350 Uh...nobody should be drinking at work. 276 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,810 - No. - Fine. 277 00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:12,620 Just mill around and do nothing, much like you would do at work. 278 00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,190 To be clear, 279 00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:17,980 everybody should be working at...work. 280 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,580 Fine. 281 00:12:19,580 --> 00:12:23,730 Act like you're su-u-u-u-per busy and completely sober, 282 00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:26,030 much like you would do at work. 283 00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:27,110 Good. Good. 284 00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,410 Henry's office-themed birthday. Can I help you? 285 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,410 Eliza, it's UNICEF. 286 00:12:35,730 --> 00:12:37,590 Who here handles Henry's donations? 287 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,270 Raj. 288 00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:39,140 Why Raj? 289 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,080 Hello? 290 00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:44,240 Well, let me see. 291 00:12:44,750 --> 00:12:46,300 He has a big heart, 292 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,800 so I suppose he will sponsor, uh, 50? 293 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,700 W-would 50 children be good? 294 00:12:51,830 --> 00:12:53,740 - Sure, it's a start. - That's good. That's good. 295 00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:55,840 Oh, oh, I see. 296 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,480 For a few dollars more, we can buy Henry's children a well. 297 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,050 I approve that decision. 298 00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:04,480 Okay, yes, Henry would like 299 00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:06,700 to buy clean drinking water for his children. 300 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,410 Using the card on file. 301 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,680 No, thank you. 302 00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:13,210 Good job, Raj. 303 00:13:13,750 --> 00:13:15,370 It wasn't exactly drinking champagne 304 00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:17,140 off a bisexual cage dancer. 305 00:13:17,490 --> 00:13:19,030 But it was the kind of buttoned-up fun 306 00:13:19,030 --> 00:13:20,440 Henry would approve of. 307 00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:23,050 {\an9} Oh, let's get real 308 00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:25,950 {\an9} High 309 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:34,560 Hon, did you see my solo?! 310 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,660 Did you see my tasty solo, hon?! 311 00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:37,840 Very tasty! 312 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:43,350 Julia, I think I speak for Wayne 313 00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:44,770 and all of the other fellow travelers 314 00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:46,330 when I say you are harshing the mellow. 315 00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,630 That is the gist. 316 00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:50,600 Apologies, Wayne. 317 00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,420 Yeah, I think I'll step outside. 318 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:54,580 Hold on. Hold on. Are you upset with me? 319 00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:55,880 Could you take off that hat? 320 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,330 I'm having a very hard time 321 00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,140 - taking you seriously with that hat. - Yeah. 322 00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,540 - Are you leaving? We totally - No, no, we don't have to. 323 00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:04,270 It's just, I'm the on-call doctor, 324 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,650 and the reception in here is pretty terrible. 325 00:14:06,650 --> 00:14:07,860 Oh, wait. I'll go with you. 326 00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:09,240 No, I-I'll -- we'll both go. 327 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,840 Just let me say goodbye and exchange info with -- 328 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:13,100 {\an9} Suck it in, suck it in, suck it in. It's so P.C.,, it's killing me 329 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,880 {\an9} If you're rin tin tin or Anne Boleyn 330 00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:16,620 {\an9} Make a desperate move or else you'll win 331 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:18,880 {\an9} And then begin to see what you're doing to me 332 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,580 {\an9} This MTV is not for free 333 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,870 {\an9} So desperately I sing to thee of love 334 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,250 {\an9} Love! 335 00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:33,350 I knew this would happen. 336 00:14:33,910 --> 00:14:36,440 You see, this is why I seldom let it all hang out. 337 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,580 Don't worry about it, brother. 338 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:40,640 If I know anything about anything, 339 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,320 the hook will bring her back. 340 00:14:43,670 --> 00:14:46,330 And if it doesn't, you can always live with me. 341 00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:05,000 Sir, can I get you to sign this check for office supplies? 342 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,610 Since we're working here, I thought I'd reorder toner. 343 00:15:08,070 --> 00:15:08,970 Thank you, Joan. 344 00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:10,220 And I'll just remind you, 345 00:15:10,220 --> 00:15:13,390 you have a surprise with Henry coming up in five minutes. 346 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,090 Joan, this fake office would crumble without you. 347 00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,130 Thank you, sir. 348 00:15:19,430 --> 00:15:21,200 Happy birthday! 349 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,550 Surprise! 350 00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:25,030 - What's going on here? - Happy office party! 351 00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:29,050 Happy birthday! 352 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,830 Happy office party, Henry. 353 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:33,360 Is this great or what? 354 00:15:33,370 --> 00:15:35,410 Eliza got work bagels! 355 00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:38,260 Henry, your children desperately wish they could be here, 356 00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:40,650 but they don't have access to modern transportation. 357 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,940 Eliza, can I speak to you in private for a moment? 358 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:45,070 Okay. 359 00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:48,920 Oh, man. 360 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,190 So, did you have fun at the concert? 361 00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:52,930 No. 362 00:15:52,930 --> 00:15:55,750 Really? Then why did you buy merch? 363 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,640 Don't concern yourself with my merch. 364 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,900 I'm just saying, no one buys a T-shirt 365 00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,500 to remember a concert they did not have fun at. 366 00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:05,640 Why are these people in my house? 367 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,460 How are these people in my house? 368 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:09,830 Did you know your bathroom window 369 00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:10,990 can fit a size 2? 370 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,880 Okay, Henry, this is the "Jack Reacher" 371 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:14,830 portion of the evening. 372 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,140 Right now, you hate it, 373 00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,690 but eventually you're gonna loosen up, and -- 374 00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:19,740 Have you seen the "Edge of Tomorrow"? 375 00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:21,380 Yes, and I walked out. 376 00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:22,840 Further, I did not like "Jack Reacher," 377 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,410 nor "Vanilla Sky." 378 00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:25,870 I was lukewarm on "Cocktail," 379 00:16:25,870 --> 00:16:27,280 liked "Tropic Thunder" in spite of him, 380 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,470 and, hello, he had no business being The Last Samurai! 381 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,030 Should have been Chris Hemsworth. 382 00:16:31,030 --> 00:16:32,980 Who? No, no! 383 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,200 All I wanted to do tonight was to sit quietly 384 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,150 and finish a documentary on tiny houses. 385 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,900 But instead, against my better judgement, 386 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,760 I danced like nobody was watching. 387 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,170 - But somebody was. - Julia? 388 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:47,970 I'm not afraid to tell you, it was a big turn-off. 389 00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:49,160 For her. 390 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,750 I mean, the crowd loved it, 391 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,100 and I made a friend named Wayne, but Julia left early. 392 00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:56,430 Well, that's cool about Wayne, huh? 393 00:16:56,450 --> 00:17:01,030 And now I come home to find, in lieu of peace and quiet, 394 00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:02,870 you have peppered my house 395 00:17:02,870 --> 00:17:05,600 with co-workers I have no interest in partying with! 396 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,270 Team, I think it's time to... 397 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,350 clock out. 398 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:14,840 I'll see you Monday morning... in the real office. 399 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,500 Sir, let me exp-- 400 00:17:20,110 --> 00:17:21,850 Must really be hard to have everyone 401 00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:23,240 want to celebrate your birthday. 402 00:17:24,590 --> 00:17:25,460 But as someone who knows 403 00:17:25,460 --> 00:17:27,240 what it's like to spend their birthday alone, 404 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,180 minus one super bitchy clown... 405 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,720 ...I can tell you firsthand that it sucks! 406 00:17:33,010 --> 00:17:33,890 Eliza... 407 00:17:43,490 --> 00:17:46,080 You are two amazing women 408 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,840 with beautiful, strong calves... 409 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:53,690 and deeply... adventurous souls. 410 00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:56,140 - We're not having a threesome, Larry. - Mnh-mnh. 411 00:17:56,140 --> 00:17:58,170 Okay, I'm out. 412 00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,120 Nope. Hmm. 413 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,270 Do you think Henry's gonna forgive you? 414 00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:04,720 Um, forgive me? Are you kidding? 415 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,460 He should be thanking me. 416 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,500 Tonight was epic! 417 00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:11,100 Henry went to a concert, 418 00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,510 danced with some dude named Wayne, 419 00:18:12,510 --> 00:18:14,430 and provided clean drinking water 420 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,730 to an entire third-world village. 421 00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:18,490 Yeah, you're right! 422 00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:19,940 And Raj had a blast -- 423 00:18:19,950 --> 00:18:21,590 Don't think he's ever been to a party. 424 00:18:21,590 --> 00:18:24,770 No! And Joan get her toner on. 425 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:25,640 Yes. 426 00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,900 And Larry's having an imaginary threesome. 427 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,780 Let's get you into something more comfortable, huh? 428 00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:51,630 Hey. 429 00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,960 Did you page the on-call doctor? 430 00:18:55,190 --> 00:18:57,540 Thank you for making a house call on my birthday. 431 00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:59,080 Well, it's not your birthday anymore. 432 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,120 That train has left the station. 433 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,820 Next stop, AARP. 434 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,500 It's a bit more birthday joshing. 435 00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:10,260 But, seriously, folks, uh, may I come in? 436 00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:10,960 Please. 437 00:19:14,140 --> 00:19:16,330 Take my coat, please. 438 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,430 I'm sorry. 439 00:19:20,430 --> 00:19:21,820 I've been making an effort 440 00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:25,050 to be a bit more lighthearted and humorous. 441 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:27,350 But the truth is... 442 00:19:27,970 --> 00:19:30,500 Tonight, you pushed me outside of my comfort zone. 443 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,170 And when that happens, 444 00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:36,730 I tend to become cold and judgmental and punishing. 445 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,770 Yeah, same. 446 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:47,200 I know it's not technically your birthday anymore 447 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,290 and you're not keen on presents... 448 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:53,040 But I do have one gift I would like to give you. 449 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:04,460 I'll be here all night. 450 00:20:05,020 --> 00:20:06,570 Seriously, folks. 451 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,780 Not to be insensitive, but how many wells do they need? 452 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:14,650 I mean, can't they be happy 453 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,490 with the one well that I just got them? 454 00:20:19,410 --> 00:20:20,630 Okay, one more well. 455 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,960 Yes, charge the card on file. 456 00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:26,650 Charlie said you wanted to see me. 457 00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:27,860 Yes. 458 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,480 I just wanted to express my gratitude 459 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,170 for the effort that you put forth on my behalf. 460 00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:41,380 I know your intention was to make my big day special, 461 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,420 and, in hindsight, I can now confirm that, in fact... 462 00:20:44,780 --> 00:20:45,970 it was. 463 00:20:46,670 --> 00:20:47,580 What? 464 00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:49,410 I had fun at the concert. 465 00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:51,630 Thank you for my party. 466 00:20:52,350 --> 00:20:53,660 I'm sorry I was mean. 467 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,310 I knew you had fun. 468 00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:57,390 Because I just told you. 469 00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:59,310 No, because you're on YouTube. 470 00:20:59,360 --> 00:20:59,950 What? 471 00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:02,720 847 views! 472 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,280 I went viral! 473 00:21:05,290 --> 00:21:07,670 - Mm-hmm. - D-delete that video! 474 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,300 Wow. You really have no idea how the internet works. 475 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,140 Delete that video! 476 00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:18,130 That doesn't do anything. It's still playing. 477 00:21:18,130 --> 00:21:18,970 No. 478 00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:21,810 This is really funny for me. 479 00:21:23,090 --> 00:21:25,280 You just Tweeted it everywhere. 480 00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:29,880 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35112

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