Original subtitles

(dark dramatic music)

(whistling)

(dramatic music)

- [Narrator] What can you say about a crazy world?

A crazy world since time began.

If you wanna believe the good book it says

crazy began with Adam and Eve.

Followed by Kane versus Abel.

Sins crouching at the door.

Kane lures his brother, kills him in the field.

Don't know what's so good

about a book with stories like that.

It's not so much what you say

about this crazy world, or what you do.

(dramatic music)

(water bubbling)

(knocking)

- Come in.

(doorbell ringing)

- Your angel door knocker is so beautiful.

I feel better already.

- Yes, every door should have one.

Can I help you, miss?

- If you dare.

Come on, Doctor.

Doctor, by the smell of things,

I can see that it's your lunch hour.

But if you could please give me the hour of your time.

I really need it.

- That is highly irregular, Jane,

I'm not familiar with your history.

- Please.

I don't wanna hurt myself.

- Or anybody else.

(dark eerie music)

(lock clinking)

If you insist.

- So this is the shrink lab where the sick are reborn.

Sad, really.

Thank you so much for seeing me, Doctor.

You're saving my life.

Should I lie?

Or should I sit?

(rattling)

- There are no rules, Jane, just be comfortable.

(sizzling)

- Christina said that you knew her soul

and nobody else could get into her the way that you did.

How did you get into her like that?

- I didn't.

It was all just--

- You, you did.

How do you get into anybody like that?

Tell me, Doctor, what's your secret?

- Well, I acutely investigate what's deeply

bothering my patient and use interesting tools

to help that patient free of that bother.

- All in an hour.

- Well, yes.

Once I win over their goodwill it's over in an hour.

- Well, I guess I better shut up and let you get started.

- We're gonna start by me giving you some suggestions

to put you into an imaginative role enactment mental state.

- Are you talking about hypnosis?

You know, Doctor, you're freaking me out.

- All hypnosis really is is self-hypnosis.

I just help you put yourself into a progressive

relaxation state of heightened suggestibility, that's all.

So please, lean back and relax.

(dramatic music)

Now, look into the cuckoo hologram,

nothing but the hologram.

Very good.

Now with every word I say to you

you will become more and more relaxed.

Good.

First your pupils will contract.

Good, perfect.

Then they will dilate.

Excellent.

Now they will assume a wavy motion.

And as I move the hologram closer to your eyes,

the lids will get very very heavy and close.

Excellent.

Now, Jane, take this pencil and rub it over

the textured surface and interpret the phantom image.

This is known as Paranoid Critical Method.

The mind will evoke unconscious acts.

Now, Jane, put the pencil down and tell

me what you see that bothers you.

- I see you.

(dramatic music)

(laughing)

- Tell me what you see that bothers you about me.

(suspenseful music)

- I see your suffering.

I need to end it.

- Excuse me?

- To be...

or not to be.

- Interesting.

Jane, tell me, how do you feel about your sexuality?

- How do you feel about my sexuality, Doctor?

(light swanky music)

Does this excite you?

- Um.

Jane.

- Do you hear that music?

It's our hearts pounding in desire.

My precious caress is more savory than honey.

My warm lustful body touching yours.

Seems like a dream, but is it?

- Um.

(light rhythmic music)

- Feel the raging blood pumping into my bosom.

Filling it, perky.

And firm, soft, and hard.

Erotically filling my veins wayward down lower.

Down into my trembling thighs.

Down into every man's greatest desire.

A desire to do something forbidden.

Something forbidden to stop the pain.

(soft moaning)

The need is so strong it is hypnotizing.

Yearning to surrender to become one with me.

To stroke my wounds.

The yearning is so great.

The yearning to surrender to become one with me.

(suspenseful music)

To die, to save no more.

For in that dream what's they make 'em.

(dramatic tango music)

- Wait.

- For in that sleep of death, dreams will come.

(slapping)

(thudding)

(grunting)

How do you think you got me?

- What?

(laughing) (suspenseful music)

(grunting)

(air whipping)

(grunting)

(heavy breathing)

- When we have shuffled off this mortal coil.

(groaning) (crunching)

Must give us pause.

(heavy breathing)

(light instrumental music)

(humming)

Hoo!

(clock ticking)

(whistling)

(thunder rumbling)

(suspenseful music)

(squeaking)

(dramatic music)

(sirens wailing)

(thunder cracking)

Yes, hello, police?

Yes, it would seem like I have a dead body in my office.

Yeah, I would appreciate it if you could

send someone to take care of it.

Thank you kindly.

(sizzling)

(silverware clanking)

(doorbell ringing)

(dramatic music)

(light music)

- Hey!

I told you to calm down. - It's a free country, man.

- Yeah, so is jail, pal.

Come on.

Hey, what did I say?

You don't me to hurt you, do you?

- [Doctor] Poor Claire.

- You must remember, technically Dominican Order,

or if you're up for the pun, Helms of the Lord.

Either way, I'm the poor poor cloistered nun.

- Quickly, come in.

(dramatic music)

- I have left the papal enclosure of the monastery

for my medical emergency.

My appointment with the big placebo.

God.

(clanking)

- That is a big cross.

- Better to remind me of my lord when my thoughts stray.

- Please, follow me.

Have a seat.

Ingenuity of the past.

See, this is an ancient Chinese candle clock.

(sizzling)

As it burns down in 10 minute intervals,

the weights fall into the sounding plate below

notifying me of time left.

(dramatic music)

The final weight at the hour's end

pings distinctly as if a lovely lullaby.

(dark eerie music)

- Um, I feel a little uncomfortable.

Would you mind if I remove my wet wimple?

- Are you comfortable now?

- I'm dead to the world.

My five years spent as a novice

deemed me ready by the abest to join the monastery.

I've accepted, secretly hiding a skeptical heart.

My solemn vow is to the spiritual life

but it's left me with more questions than answers.

- For instance?

- Why am I here?

- 'Cause you wanna be here.

- I mean, why is anybody here?

What's the point?

- So religion hasn't given you the answers you need.

- I'm sorry to say, no.

Loved ones die and then they leave us behind to mourn.

What great plan is that?

I don't understand it.

I mean, I'd rather not exist than to have

this understanding of not understanding.

It's just too painful.

- So you have any enjoyment in life at all?

- Split seconds don't erase history nor stop the future.

I dare to venture into the taboo land

of blasphemy to whisper my doubts.

Maybe there is no God.

Oh God, I said it.

Maybe it's only imagination,

that we urgently try to fill the darkness with.

I don't know.

- There are believers who would argue

that you are clinically depressed

and not open to any divine surrounding you.

- And you say?

- Boltzmann brain paradox leans on your shoulders

as you face your abyss.

- Self-awareness, more likely,

to have formed out of chaos, huh?

Facing my alter ego Atlas, supporting the heavens.

So you're the doctor, which am I?

- Dogma only knows the lie, philosophy goes both directions.

- No philosophy.

When I die, I'm dead and I'm not coming back to argue.

(thunder cracking)

(clanking)

(gasping)

I guess my imaginary god doesn't like me talking that way.

See, why must I wear this cross?

What have I been saying, what am I doing?

I am tortured by his torture

and my eternal pain knows my own soul

by I can not feel him back.

I cannot touch the warmth of his skin.

To have him hold me.

Only to feel the cold prickly brass

that this really breeds not enough.

It's not enough.

I feel really hot.

I feel like, I feel like I'm suffocating.

(heavy breathing)

(suspenseful music)

(light dramatic music)

Please.

Help me.

(rigid breathing)

Please help me.

Hold me.

Please.

Hold me.

I need to feel the tangible love of man

and not just a symbol of a man.

Please.

Please lay me down.

Make me feel real.

(dramatic music) (singing)

(thunder rumbling) Make love to me.

Hold me for the first time.

I think that I am troubled.

I don't wanna go inside the booth.

(thunder rumbling)

(heavy breathing)

(moaning) (tapping)

(heavy breathing)

(scratching)

Thank you.

(clanking)

Forgive me, Father.

For I have sinned.

(gargling)

(thunder rumbling)

(eerie music)

- You are forgiven.

(church bell dinging)

(light eerie music)

(creaking)

(humming)

(groaning)

(dramatic music) (rain pattering)

(thunder cracking)

(sizzling)

(doorbell ringing)

Ah, a magician.

- My hobby.

My profession, Detective Lighthaze.

Sorry for my inconvenience, Doc.

Can I come in?

- Uh, what may I be of help with?

- Well, this visit isn't actually official,

I'm here on my accord.

You see, something's been stoking me, Doc.

- Like what?

- Can we sit down, Doc?

- Honestly, Detective, I have another patient

scheduled any moment so why don't you come back at six?

(suspenseful music)

Okay then, see you at six.

- Oh, there's one other thing, Doc.

I'm crazy.

So whatever I have to do to get the truth, I'll do it.

(door clanking) (dramatic music)

(thunder rumbling)

(squeaking) (heavy breathing)

(light music)

(suspenseful music)

(doorbell ringing)

(tapping)

(light music)

(gasping)

(chuckling)

- Oh, how childish of us playing hide and seek.

- You scared me to death.

- Yes, it used to be my favorite game.

(clears throat)

- I'm supposed to meet Detective Lighthaze in here.

- Oh, yes, well you just missed him

but he'll be back though.

So, why don't you come in and wait?

- No, thanks.

You're a bit weird to my taste.

- Well, miss, this floor is filled with loonies.

Crazies.

Just a little while ago, a police officer

removed a vile character to cuffs, so.

Who knows what's behind that corner.

- Okay, well.

I, I, I guess it's better with a weirdo.

- Well, be my guest.

(dark eerie music)

- I'm Sharon.

I need to pee really badly.

Can I use your bathroom?

- Fright affects the bladder.

(thunder cracking)

(zapping)

(eerie music)

(rattling)

- Hello?

Hello, Doctor?

I'm stuck in the bathroom.

Open it up!

(banging)

The door is jammed.

(knocking)

Doctor?

I don't like dark, locked bathrooms.

Doctor?

(sighs)

(screaming) (dramatic music)

(heavy breathing)

Hello?

(creaking) Hello?

Doctor?

(gasping)

- You sure are jumpy.

Regular or diet?

- Diet.

- You know regular is healthier?

You see, the chemicals in diet soda

screws with your metabolism and causes weight gain.

- [Sharon] Okay.

- I am a doctor you know.

Cheers.

(dramatic music) - Cheers.

- Please, come in.

How do you know the good detective?

- One night stand became a two night stand

and three night stand and I haven't

missed a single night for six months.

- Hm.

Well that sounds promising.

- Very.

I wouldn't miss a single night for anybody.

And what about you?

Why does he come to see you?

- Sorry, that's doctor-patient privilege.

- All I gotta do is ask, ya know?

- Well, why haven't you?

- I will.

(suspenseful music)

If he's hiding something...

- Sharon, the incline position is for patients only.

- Not every night.

Thursday night is card night with the boys.

(soft moaning)

How boring.

(light music)

- Unless you're a card geek,

52 cards, 13 ranks each of the four suits,

diamonds, clubs, spades, and hearts.

(sighs)

Ace of spades.

Unique with its large ornate spade.

Said to be the death card.

The king of hearts.

The only king without a mustache.

Shown with a sword behind his back

making him appear as if he's stabbing himself.

But on closer examination, you can see four hands.

And the sleeve of the hand holding the sword

doesn't match the sleeve of the king.

So, in fact, the king is being murdered.

(thunder cracking)

Sharon?

(light dramatic music)

(tongue clicking)

Never switch drinks.

(dramatic music)

(grunting)

(dark dramatic music) (screaming)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(screaming)

(rope creaking)

(choking)

(heavy breathing)

Clever, you held your breath.

(light eerie music)

(thunder cracking)

(dramatic music) (doorbell ringing)

(suspenseful music)

In here.

(clicking)

(ropes creaking)

(dramatic music)

Now where did she go?

(clanking)

Pure frantic adrenaline.

Crawl into hiding.

She must have fallen back into unconsciousness.

Huh, two crazies.

(clicking)

I have an hour.

(ticking)

(doorbell ringing)

(grunting)

- Out of my way.

- [Doctor] Now, wait for me, Hercules.

- Don't call me Hercules.

Hercules was a myth.

Samson was real.

- Samson.

I'm curious, how much do you bench?

- Look at my chest.

Look at my chest!

Bench press, bench press!

Tons, baby, tons!

(laughing)

- How many reps is that?

- All day long!

- What about our biceps?

- Biceps?

Biceps?

Whatever I want!

(laughing)

- Well, I doubt it.

- What do you mean?

- No one can carry that much weight.

- You callin' me a liar?

- Wishful wishing.

(heavy breathing)

- You'll wish you didn't say that!

(panting)

- Prove it to me then, Maximo.

This pen that I use for my note taking,

how much do you think it weighs?

An ounce?

Less?

I bet you can't even lift it.

- Give me that pen!

(grunting) (thudding)

Ow, what the heck?

(laughing)

- Even small me is stronger than you.

(panting)

Watch.

(light music)

I'll lift this heavy table with just one finger.

(dramatic music)

- My God, you are, you are stronger than me.

I've never felt good enough.

I've never been strong enough.

Everybody's always been stronger.

I'm, I'm nothing.

I'm weak.

I don't mean shit, do I, Doc?

(clanking)

Does that mean I gotta go now, Doc?

- Don't you wanna be strong?

- Yes.

- Maximo, I wanna admit something to you.

I hypnotized you.

- What?

- But now I shall bring you out of your hypnotic state

by the sound of the snap of my fingers.

(snapping) (dramatic music)

(grunting)

(clapping)

You see?

In order to test your real strength,

you need to use your mind or your body.

Your subconscious mind is much stronger

than any physical part of your body.

Watch, I'll show you.

Hello?

(suspenseful music)

Oops.

(hushes)

(light music)

(thunder cracking)

Now, read this.

It's your own handwriting.

(gulps)

- I have a reoccurring dream.

I have the strength to kill myself.

- 12 steps to end the addiction, one step to beat it all.

You say you can lift well over your own weight, right?

- Yeah.

- Why don't we try that out?

Now, you see this is a special knot.

Which will not get any tighter than I want it

so you don't have to be afraid of strangling yourself.

Now, pull this free end as hard as you can.

No matter the pain, and hoist your

entire body up up up and away.

Up you go.

Nice. - Height.

- Keep pulling.

Excellent.

Keep pulling.

- Heights.

They make me nauseous.

- Overcome your fears, Maximo.

Keep pulling.

(clanking)

(choking)

Just another inch, and you're off the ground.

(groaning)

Yes, yes you are Samson.

Now pull yourself up, pull!

Higher!

(groaning)

There you go!

Do you feel strong now?

Woo-wee.

And you're there!

(laughing)

Keep going, Samson.

Aye aye aye aye aye aye, up up up and away!

Woo-wee!

(splatting) (dramatic music)

(whistling)

That came right off.

(light eerie music)

(grunting)

(dark dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

Would you pretend to hang yourself?

(eerie suspenseful music)

(heavy breathing)

Sharon, I owe you your hour.

(light music)

Later.

(dramatic music)

(swanky jazz music)

(sirens wailing)

- Sorry, later.

- Make any new friends?

- Yeah, the rats.

When you said you'd start me out with an entry level job

I didn't know you meant the basement.

- Yeah, well, when I started out

I was cleaning up the dead rats, so stop complaining.

- Got your pics.

- Nice trick.

- Gets trickier.

- Whoa, shit.

How's that work?

- If I told ya-- - You'd have to kill me?

- I'd have to kill them.

So who are these guys you had me trailing anyways?

- Police business.

What the fuck, kid?

- Hey. - Are you some kind

of goddamn voyeur or something?

- You said have fun.

- Yeah, I said have fun with the targets,

not me and my girl.

- Look, you shut me out anyways, all right?

Don't sweat it.

- Jesus.

What's that thing?

- Still working on it.

Look, I'm a snoop by nature, but you get me out

of this rat hole and into a car,

I'll show you the real stuff, all right?

- You're doing just fine down here, kid, all right?

There's rules and regulations.

- And rules and regulations aren't gonna cut it anymore.

I need a real job with the department.

- Gotta be old enough, smart enough, tough enough.

- Smart enough to know you got something going on

you don't want the department knowing about.

- Smart enough but not tough enough.

- Let me take a bullet for you then.

Prove it, I'm tougher than you think.

- [Lighthaze] That's what we all think.

- Do your own work then.

(splashing)

- You better watch yourself, Gavin.

Or I'll have you parking the cars.

- If you, uh, ever get tired of the dame you're with,

and you're with a nice getaway sticks,

you'll make a great lover.

- What goes on behind the curtain

stays behind the curtain with me.

I'm dizzy for the dame.

She's a keeper.

(light music)

(doorbell ringing)

(honking)

(laughing)

- Hold that, won't ya?

Oh, thanks pal.

Here, go like this.

You look like you could use a shower.

(clapping)

(thunder rumbling)

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

children of all ages, welcome to the greatest show on Earth.

It's circus time!

See the ferocious lions.

Thrill to the gargantuous elephants!

Laugh to death with America's favorite clown.

And here he is, Thumba the clown!

(popping)

(drumming)

Well, what do you think of my act so far, Doc?

- How do you fit in the car?

- Can't tell ya.

- Love the smell of breeze makeup.

- It's my mother's lipstick.

(laughing)

Imagine.

Thumba the circus clown,

self-proclaimed ambassador of humor.

What's left of me, any way?

Too pooped to pop.

Clowns are supposed to live forever.

Laughs never ending.

Came to radiation, chemo.

I'm done with the laughs.

- You were in the three ring today?

- Yeah, kids laughed, all right.

Done my routine, opened up my mouth,

pantomime laughs.

I did them for years.

Rain or shine, always count on the clown for laughs.

Only, on this cloudy day I was crying on the inside.

- What will make you laugh again, Thumba?

- If the docs told me they made a mistake.

And that they misdiagnosed it and

it's just the chemo that's killing me.

Laughing my whole life.

Guess it's my time now to cry, cry, cry.

Party's over.

(crying)

(thunder cracking)

Thanks.

I'm really sorry.

Poison's taken my dignity.

Oh, come on.

Not you, too.

Here.

- I guess it's me acting the bozo now.

(laughing)

Humor makes more out of chaos

by dissolving threatened anxiety.

Psychoneuroimmunology has been a breakthrough

therapy for psychiatrists in emotional healing.

(laughing)

And the poor bum's head, all I want is a chance

to show that money can't buy you happiness.

- That's good.

Frankel, survivor of the Holocaust.

He says that, uh, humor is another of the soul's weapons

in the fight for self-preservation.

(clanging)

What's the matter?

Business so bad you can't afford a clock?

(laughing)

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- [Doctor] Tank.

- Tank who?

- You're welcome.

(laughing)

(smooth jazz music)

- Oh, knock knock.

- Who is there?

- Wayne.

- Wayne who?

- Wayne, Wayne, go away, come again another day.

- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Acid.

- Acid who?

- Acid sit down and be quiet!

(laughing)

- [Thumba] Knock knock!

- Who's there?

- Disguise.

- Disguise who?

- This guy's killing me with all these jokes!

(laughing)

(blowing)

Knock knock!

- Who's there?

- Kill me.

- Kill me who?

- If the cancer don't kill me, this balloon will.

(clanging)

En garde!

(laughing)

(squeaking)

- The doctor replied, don't worry, I'll push you through.

(groaning)

- In the liver. (laughing)

- I could die laughing with you.

Any way.

I feel a humor litany snickering forth.

Oxymoron.

Jumbo shrimp.

Dry wit.

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids

instead of asteroids?

Sarcasm, if you're having a hard time laughing at yourself,

I'd be happy to do it for ya.

Oh, how many people have telekinetic powers?

Raise my hand.

A laugh is the shortest distance between two people.

(clanging) (laughing)

- I'm sorry, Thumba.

Laugh time's over.

(clapping)

- Wait. (slow somber music)

Can't stop now.

I'm on a roll.

Vaudeville slapstick!

That's the best!

(zipper buzzing)

(spitting)

Hey, Joe, whattaya know?

(thudding)

(laughing)

That's what I call a banana split!

(farting)

Whoa, oh.

Shouldn't of done that.

(door thudding)

(blowing)

(light music) (sighing)

(handle jingling)

Oh man, come.

Can't a clown have no dignity?

(playful carnival music)

- It's clogged all the time.

Couple of good plunges, all your troubles down the drain.

- Thanks.

- [Doctor] Go for it.

- Freak.

I hate bathroom humor.

(light music)

(dramatic music)

- [Doctor] Pie in the face slapstick.

- That's what I call eating humble pie.

(laughing)

You're killing me.

(balloon popping)

(dark eerie music)

(thunder rumbling)

(light dramatic music)

- Take the magic seat, Detective.

Tell me what's been bothering you.

- Basically I'd like to ask you some questions

off the record if that's okay, Doc.

- [Doctor] Sure.

- Chinese clock candle.

- You know clock history?

- Grandfather sure did.

Owned a small clock and watch repair.

Had on display every known time piece since time began.

You charging for the hour, Doc?

'Cause if so, I'll make my questions quick.

(light dramatic music)

- Oh no, on the house.

Least I can do for a public servant.

Let's have a look.

Oh, you're on antidepressants for clinical depression,

four years-- - That's now why I'm here, Doc

The department shrink prescribed those to me

after my wi...

After my wife was shot and killed by a parolee.

One who I arrested for prior murder

who should've got the chair.

I hunted him down to an abandoned warehouse, Doc.

Just me, him, and my Glock, alone.

Wanted to put a bullet in him bad.

And I owe it to the system that stopped me.

After some bureaucratic legal warfare with his lawyer

concocting every lie in the bad book.

He walked away with a slap on the wrist for breaking parole.

And a misdemeanor for peeing in the red zone.

Rotten justice system, Doc, I tell you.

Pissed away.

Anyways, the side effects for the meds, they (sighs)

they made me suicidal.

I nearly jumped a bridge.

- So he got away with murder.

That musta been hard for you to live with.

- Concession was that me and the department

came to a quiet understanding.

- Promotion to detective.

- No, I earned that.

- Oh, yes you did.

- How'd you wind up with the folder anyways, Doc?

Part of the settlement was that it would

never again see the light of day.

Was supposed to go into the one-eyed purple paper eater.

- One-eyed purple paper eater.

(dramatic music)

Burbed up evidence.

Conscience nearly shredded within.

The one-eyed purple paper eater regurgitated the settlement.

Now drop that detective staying pass.

The only way to make the truth last.

- I'm beginning to take offense, Doc.

- Oh, Detective, please.

My last patient was a clown.

I'm just in a funny mood.

Would you like some tea?

(ticking)

Copy of the settlement.

It's classified.

Bureaucratic incompetence again.

Typical misfiling.

Was supposed to go to psychiatry 0083,

but winds up here, psychiatry 8300.

Too bad it wasn't your settlement check they sent, huh?

(suspenseful music)

(soft moaning)

- [Lighthaze] Things that go bump in the night?

- Mice.

- Rats.

Make a lot of thuds.

- What was it you wanted to ask me, Detective?

(dramatic music)

- Patient?

- He used to be.

- What happened to him?

- He moved on.

- Moved on.

- Are they under investigation?

- Perhaps.

- For what?

And are they all part of the same crime syndicate?

- I can take this.

(dramatic music) (thunder rumbling)

You expecting company, Doc?

(thunder cracking) (suspenseful music)

(thudding)

(light dramatic music)

(dramatic music)

(clock ticking)

(muffled moaning)

- Sharon, I do owe you your hour.

Haven't forgotten.

And Detective Lighthaze, well you must think

me the big bad wolf.

I do apologize for the sudden concussion.

See, you're not on the roster so you shouldn't be involved.

Except for that good old detective's hunch interfering.

Yeah, I knew you knew a lot more than you were telling me.

(laughing) What?

You probably knew they were all dead in the closet

all by the virtue of my expertise in facial coding.

The analyzing of facial movement

and atomically based action units.

Clearly visible on the face.

See, Charles Darwin said even a person born blind

has facial expressions.

just like you and I.

Hardwired.

Now.

(grunting)

By birth, most core emotions like fear, anger, sadness,

truth, happiness, surprise, is shown on the face.

Now, means is curling of an upper lip.

Sign of disgust.

Or averted eyes, alerting something hidden.

Widening and raising of nostril rings,

I can even read the contraction of the orbicularis oculi.

(groaning)

See, I trained for two years studying

the muscles on my face.

Even going through the pain, placing needles

into areas uncertain.

Then those muscles were involuntarily fired

and electricity from the needle placement

verified that it indeed was the intended muscle.

Now, as this method was quite painful,

I learned to read anyone at any time.

(sizzling)

If I let you go, would you promise not to tell?

(laughing)

(grunting)

(sighs)

Let me help you.

Are you familiar with the Chinese handcuffs?

The tighter you pull, the harder its grasp.

See, your initial reaction is to pull outward,

but that only tightens the trap.

You see, the solution to escaping is to push inward

towards the middle thus enlarging

the opening and freeing the hands.

There you go.

Oops, sorry.

See, that is known as the handcuff knot.

Identical to the fireman's chair,

but not used for saving people,

but for handcuffing prisoners.

I could tell you about the hangman's knot,

but I don't think that needs an introduction, does it?

So, now, Detective, would you like to observe

the Sharon patient-doctor relationship?

Or should I put you under so as to save

you from any bad memories?

- [Detective] Fuck you!

- I guess that means you wanna watch.

Are you sure?

Okie dokie.

But if you change your mind, do not hesitate to tell me.

I do apologize for removing your personals but,

but you being tied up and all

it wouldn't be of any use to you,

so why don't I just have it right here beside me

in case any unwanted company decides to show up again.

(light eerie music)

Huh.

Only a simple solitary shell.

Now, we weren't thinking about suicide now, were we?

(rigid breathing)

(dramatic music)

(clicking)

(suspenseful music)

(yelling)

- Damn it!

- Now, were we, Detective?

(thunder cracking)

No kissing.

(eerie music)

(dramatic music) (rain pattering)

(light music)

¶ I don't wanna jump again ¶

- Hey.

You're doing that shit again.

- You coming or not?

- All I'm saying is last time you almost

got us in really deep shit.

- Almost.

No more almost.

Tonight we're going all the way.

- Okay, see you later.

- All the way detective stuff.

- Right, so another sucky date?

- Are you with me or not?

- Sucky date's better than staying home and being bored.

- You know, keep your eye on the red dot.

- Who's the target?

- [Gavin] Lighthaze.

- Wait, isn't he the good guy?

- Something like that.

¶ Pull the trigger around here ¶

¶ 'Cause I don't wanna jump again ¶

¶ Just wanna-- ¶

- [Kara] Jesus, I'm not trying to get all the way killed.

¶ Tell me I'm you're best ¶ (light music)

(humming)

¶ I've been starving for affection ¶

¶ I need your tenderness ¶

¶ You can tell just by looking at me ¶

¶ How lonely I feel dreaming of your kiss ¶

¶ Right outside ¶ - Expose the card.

You're bluffing.

Raise you a quarter.

- Six, nine.

¶ When I step outside I'm always looking around ¶

- Good luck.

¶ I'm longing for you ¶

¶ Sweet girl ¶

- Two queens, the sixth kiss.

(laughing)

- Come to here.

¶ I need your tenderness ¶

¶ You can tell just by looking at me ¶

¶ How lonely I feel ¶ - Eight, six.

Dead man's hand. ¶ Dreaming of your kiss ¶

- I'll fold.

¶ There's got to be a connection ¶

¶ Emotions overload ¶ - And six.

- Lapping hearts.

- The devil. - Gee.

¶ If it's you, won't you get inside ¶

¶ A hand I can hold ¶

- Come on, who's dealing?

Pay up, you stud.

- I'm down to shock.

- Okay.

Well let me help you, Doctor.

¶ Yeah baby ¶

¶ Oh ¶

(thunder cracking) (laughing)

- Oooh.

War wounds.

¶ I've been starving for affection ¶

- I raise your pair of kings.

¶ I need your tenderness ¶

¶ I'm longing for you ¶ - Oh yeah.

Lucy and Ricky both.

- Sharon, speed limit's 55.

Huh?

¶ I've been starving for affection ¶

- Let me help you. ¶ I need your tenderness ¶

¶ Tenderness ¶

¶ You can tell just by looking at me ¶

- Peeling one layer at a time is enough to make it through.

Detective, both you and Sharon here have

been injected with sodium thiopental

known as the truth serum.

The decree is higher or it'll break.

It works the same way as the Chinese cuffs.

The more you fight it, the tighter its hold.

See?

Look at Sharon, look at how much fun she's having.

Be fun.

¶ Yeah, babe ¶ (whistling)

(laughing)

(singing)

- What is that?

(clanging)

¶ I've been starving for affection. ¶

- [Doctor] Yes, Sharon, that means there's 20 minutes left.

- Oh.

Well, I love to play a little bit before the ending.

- Oh, that's good.

Sharon, how would you like to join me in the bathroom,

playing doctor?

¶ You can tell just by looking at me ¶

- Oh, look who's still nurse.

- Well, after you, nurse.

¶ Dreamin' of your kiss, baby ¶

(heavy breathing)

- I say you hang out at your boring IT job,

you know, at least you'll stay alive.

- Self-sacrifice is for the betterment of society.

Look at these.

- What is this?

- Surveillance taken by Lighthaze, no doubt.

Hidden cameras.

- How did you get 'em.

- Uh, artful dodging.

- You know, pickpocketing is larceny.

- And?

I'll commit a crime for the greater good.

Just trust me, I've got a good feeling on this, all right?

Which way?

- Uh, take a right.

¶ Got so much to figure out ¶

- What's with the six pack?

- Been working out.

- I mean the beer.

- Buzz the senses, maybe get lucky.

- Oh, you are so lucky I don't hit

you over the head with one.

¶ To right now ¶

(light music)

¶ Girl, dim the lights ¶

(groaning)

- You're just coming off the drugs, nothing to worry about.

Now, I'll give you some privacy to throw up.

(dramatic music)

How did you get loose?

- Magic.

(heavy breathing)

Sharon, take deep breaths.

It'll pass.

Let's go.

(light music)

- You'll be happy to know that she consented

to a full body exam and no, she's not pregnant.

- You're dangerously close to

pronouncing yourself dead, doc.

Sharon, get dressed.

- And what about me?

- Never judge a man by his clothing.

You stay as you are.

(thunder rumbling)

(dramatic music) (grunting)

You fraud.

- Honey, are you okay?

- Depends on which one of us you're talking to!

- Stop it, you know I was drugged, it was all lies!

Stop it, it was drugs!

- It was truth serum.

(dramatic music)

(thunder cracking)

- Get up, you pervert.

(heavy breathing)

I could kill you for what you've done.

- Sharon, you're a trigger away from capital punishment.

Surely you can think of someone else

who's done worse to you.

(suspenseful music)

- It's okay, kitten.

Let me handle this.

(suspenseful music)

(heavy breathing)

Now move away from the window.

I can kill you for what you've done.

- You mean you could, but won't.

- Whatcha gonna do, Gary.

- Get a confession.

I'll put a bullet in his worthless body.

Okay Doc, sing.

- Gary, you're still under the influence

of the truth serum.

- No, it's gone, it's all gone.

- Not quite, see, I gave you a double on the house.

Public servant, remember?

It's only half of you who's fighting me right now,

the other half despises the fact

that you may waste a perfectly good bullet on worthless me.

- What if this bullet costs 25 cents.

- That lousy bullet has your lousy name on it, Gary.

That one and only bullet needed to kill

that scum before he killed your wife.

But on that misaligned day, your chamber was empty!

Such pity, such pity.

Having emptied it all at the range,

pelting away at that stupid target

with its bad boys going bang bang bang.

Bullseye.

(thunder rumbling)

Your suicide thoughts never really went away entirely,

did they, Gary?

Just tucked away in some nook and cranny

of your subconscious waiting for the right moment

to come knocking at your door.

You know this world is crazy and you're stuck in it

knowing that you will never be able

to bring your wife back and that your substitute girlfriend

Sharon here, she just played doctor with the doctor.

- No, don't listen to him, Gary.

He's just playing with your mind.

- You don't have to listen to me or her.

Just listen to that inner voice.

You hear it?

It's telling you to turn the gun around.

Yes. - No, don't, stop.

Don't, no that's crazy.

- But she's right, Gary.

An erratic heart blocks the ability to think clearly.

- Stop, Gary.

- The heart is the seed for love and emotion,

it only takes one sixth of a second to fall in love.

Draining all of its euphoria-induced chemicals

like adrenaline, dopamine, vasopressin.

A love's high is like a cocaine rush.

(sniffs)

But if you put a bullet in your heart,

all of that love bleeds forever away

and any possible hereafter never to return for all eternity.

- No. - It's better to aim up north.

Towards the gray matter, the brain.

There you go.

Parietal lobe.

Turns spatial sense, navigation.

The occipital lobe is the visual processing center.

The frontal lobe only control voluntary movements.

X marks the spot.

The temporal lobe, home for long term memory.

Put a bullet in there and all that is crazy cease to exist.

(clicking)

(clanging)

(dramatic music)

Huh.

- That lousy bullet means, time's up Doc.

(dramatic music)

(clicking)

(laughing)

- Touché, Detective!

Crazy mind play, you almost had me checkmate.

- Well if I'm gonna kill myself,

it's not gonna be for the likes of you, Doctor Jekyll.

- Oh.

Eccentric creator types are never fully understood.

(groans)

Then each man lurks the impulses for good and evil.

- [Sharon] So sorry, Gary.

- Forgiven.

Just don't give me any sorrys later, will ya?

When I ask you to marry me.

- Oh, how sweet and cuddly.

How I miss those befuddled delusional days.

- You think it's impossible to be in love, Doc?

- Not at all, just impossible for us humans.

Apes, fish, bacteria, maybe.

But us?

With our infinite gaping free will.

The rapture of love is eventually contaminated

by our lust for more.

- And what makes you the expert?

- Tap once.

¶ Heart break oh sweet heart break ¶

(rock music)

- You're lucky I had that empty coffee cup back there.

- When nature calls.

Keep your eyes on the road, perv.

(dramatic music) (coughing)

- Whoa, okay, okay.

- Drive.

(tires screeching)

- Okay, okay, okay.

- AC/DC.

- I didn't even like that band.

I don't know.

- AC/DC means codeine cough syrup.

- Are you dry?

Have you got any antifreeze?

- What are you talking about?

- I'm an all star. - Okay, you're the star.

- I'm an all star. - You are the star.

- An all star, it means he does all drugs.

He's freaking out, don't do anything stupid.

- I'm not gonna do anything stupid.

Just be cool, all right?

Everybody just relax, okay?

- Hey, look out.

(shattering)

You got lucky.

(slurping) (dramatic music)

Oh.

- You only got one bullet, Doc, but two of us.

- I have contemplated the options.

If I put a bullet in Sharon, you survive to overcome me.

But if I put a bullet in you, she survives,

whom I can easily overcome.

(suspenseful music)

(tongue clicking)

There is a third option.

I line the two of you up side by side and put a bullet

in both of your heads at the same time,

putting both of you out of your misery.

Two love birds with one stone, per se.

- For what greater reason?

- Oh, you will understand when the time comes.

(dramatic music)

(thudding)

- Boom, you were easy.

Oh, we went all the way. - Yeah, we did.

- Who the hell are you guys?

- Oh, Lighthaze's sidekick and my girlfriend, Kara.

- Don't count those chickens quite yet.

- Grand show, kid, but how the hell you'd find me?

- Oh, GPS I put in your pocket earlier.

Sorry.

- But then, the signals got scrambled

by Hank William's Jambalaya and we found ourselves

in some super shady neighborhood,

until I figured cut the car radio.

And then there was that super crazy drug addict car jacking,

but I busted him in the head with a beer that dreamer boy

here was trying to get me drunk with.

- Hey, that dreamer. - You're here, but you'll

never leave, not alive anyway.

- [Gavin] What the hell?

- Got you on both side effects of the drug.

See, slow reflexes and impaired

precognitive awareness on your part.

On my part, I've been studying the mechanism

of the aquatic meat eating bladderwort.

The fastest trapping carnivorous plant on the planet.

They suck their prey less than a millisecond.

- You moron, I knew this was gonna be a sucky date.

Suck, suck, suck.

Here we are with another sick dude pointing a gun at us.

- Like, what else were you gonna do?

Sit at home and watch Model Runway

like you're ever gonna be a model?

- What are you trying to say you lanky four-eyed freak?

That I'm not beautiful?

- [Gavin] Well, I mean perhaps if the eyes

of a blind beholder.

- Issues, I love it.

New patients, why don't you two

go sit on the couch over there?

Yeah.

Come, come.

I promise I won't bite.

There you go.

And you two, why don't you go watch?

Do I have to repeat myself?

(dramatic music)

Move over, have Sharon there.

Yes, and Lighthaze, please sit down.

(dramatic music)

- What the freak is that?

He's lighting that creepy thing.

- It's a candle.

- It's got weird little baby things hanging from it.

- I don't have time for the entire hour,

so I'm gonna cut your session down to the last 10 minutes.

- Okay, I am starting to freak out.

I'm gonna have to see a psychiatrist after this.

- What do you think he is?

- Not hypocrites, but a hypocrite.

- [Doctor] And you're beautiful.

Now please, let me ask the questions.

- No.

I don't want you asking me anything.

- Anger, interesting.

Let's investigate the origin of that anger.

(giggling)

- Okay, buckle up buddy.

Age two, I was put for adoption by my drug addict mother

after my alcoholic father left town.

My foster family molested the crap outta me till I was old

enough to run away with my abusive boyfriend.

I ran away from him and now I'm here with some

psychotic freak pointing a gun at my face.

So, yeah, I am fuming with resentment,

betrayal, abandonment, you name it.

Okay?

Session's over.

(clapping)

- Very good, beautiful.

Very good.

- Don't call me beautiful.

- It usually takes months for someone

to reach this awakened state.

And what about you young detective?

- Me?

- Yes, what's ticking inside that sly, smart,

but yet so confused brain of yours?

- Nothin'.

Nope.

- Your life is perfect?

- Um, yeah, splendid.

Life of Riley really.

- Well that sounds sarcastic.

Nothing a little death couldn't fix.

(dramatic music)

- Remember that little problem you had with

one bullet and two targets, Doc?

Now there's four of us.

- See our bullet is for Detective Lighthaze.

- Oh, my God.

- Hidden dagger is for the rest of you, now move over.

I do apologize, but because of time

there will be no last wishes granted.

- Why don't you take it easy, Doc.

Proposition.

- Proposition?

Until I shoot you, you'll all obey my instructions.

I'll just have you tie the others up,

thus ensuring no escape.

(screaming)

- Thanks, kid.

(slapping)

- Just a little slap for skin croaker.

A little taste of blood before your neck cracks

taking big dance.

- You're so beautiful.

(slapping)

- That one's for calling me beautiful.

- Gavin, pick up that rope.

Tie this rat bastard's hands behind his back real good.

In the mood for some good ole'

fashion capital punishment, Doc?

'Cause it's comin' your way.

- Actually, I don't think so.

- Oh, is that right?

Gavin, you got a phone?

- [Gavin] Yeah, here.

- Colts, it's Lighthaze.

I need you to send in the cavs,

we got ourselves a horse seed.

You got signal on my 20?

Good.

The wonders of GPS, right?

Why you say that, Doc?

- A little birdy told me so.

(suspenseful music)

(bird chirping) (clock ticking)

- Sharon, grab those.

- Court on record, my name is Eileen Schafer

and I will be acting as independent council and witness

for the current transaction, as both parties have so agreed.

Good doctor, if you've signed, can you please hand

the form to Nun Agatha so she can sign for the camera?

- My depression is no longer bearable.

- [Thumba] Cancer's worth than death.

- We must finish this interview and have you sign

the voluntary euthanasia consent and release waiver.

- [Maximo] Suicide?

(laughing)

Yes, correct.

- [Eileen] You sign the voluntary euthanasia.

Euthanasia.

Euthanasia.

Euthanasia.

(laughing)

- The grim reaper.

The grim reaper.

Who is dancing now?

- Oh, that's so type cast medieval.

I don't carry a scythe, nor am I clothed in a black cloak

and a hood, how about the angel of death.

(slapping)

(laughing)

If I did it without permission from my patients,

I would be a murderer.

- Jesus Christ, Doc.

A crucifix shoved through one's throat.

Another suffocation by balloon.

One's head ripped off.

One stabbed to death.

That ain't gonna fly.

- All patients have the right to choose.

I just added a little flare, that's all.

- Huh, they're right.

Well, we'll just let a tired,

hungry, angry jury decide that.

How's that sound, pal?

- I hope you don't mind if I snooze for a while,

while you discuss your scare tactics.

You know as well as I do,

that my right to die defense team will shame

any prosecution into complete annihilation.

You've seen the clear and convincing evidence.

Not only did they all ask for my services,

they consented to it in writing,

which I believe you are holding onto right now

and on camera with witnesses.

Any jury would think of me as a saint for all

the help I've been giving my patients.

I'll be acquitted and all you'll wind up

with is just bad memories.

(groaning)

- I'll have 'em anyway.

Hold me against my will.

- I'm sure they'll put me away for life on that one.

- Okay, what about forced entry, huh?

Assault and battery, how's that sound.

- Well, I am a doctor, any the exam I did was consented

to by my patients.

What are you gonna do?

(groaning)

(chuckling)

Oh, that felt good.

Well, I guess everything's in order now.

So I'll be going, unless you wanna ticket me

for parking in the red zone, detective, across the street.

- Untie the rat.

- What?

After all of his--

- Just fuckin' untie him.

- [Kara] Are you for real?

- I hope you get caught by a real good sting

and I'm not talkin' about.

- Well, excuse me darling.

Making all of your acquaintances has been pleasurable.

Until next time, (speaking foreign language).

(clanking)

(sirens wailing)

- Hey guys, part of the team, Gavin.

- Hey, Chief. - What's goin' on, Colts?

- Man, they must be cookin' something good for you

to get out here and do your own legwork, huh?

- Yeah, you want something done, do it yourself, right?

- [Colts] I hear that.

- Oh, I am up for insomnia tonight.

- [Gavin] So why are you lookin'?

- Oh, morbid curiosity.

- And the closet too, boys.

Stiff model in the clothes in there.

- Matty, do me a favor.

See how many skeletons they got in there.

- Hey, uh, detective.

(speaking foreign language) means don't judge

a book by it's cover.

- The burlesque queen wasn't in that DVD.

- No.

- And she wasn't in those either.

And neither is the stiff outside.

- [Kara] Right.

- Hey Mancioni, lift up his left hand.

- Yes, Chief.

(dramatic music)

Chief, look what we found on him.

- The sheer magnitude of my patients

suffering depression has finally gotten to me.

I can no longer live a normal life without anger, guilt,

so therefore I have decided to end my own life,

as I've done so neatly and simply for my patients.

Why don't you bag that up for me, all right?

- Okay, sure, bag that up.

- Colts. - Yeah, what's up, Chief?

- I've been hoodwinked

- Hoodwinked, what are you talkin' about?

- The man I let go wasn't our mercy doctor.

- No?

- No, no, our good doctor's outside, dead.

- Dead?

- He got sick and tired of killin' off his sick patients

and decides to join in on the fun.

- All right.

- So he hangs himself.

Problem is though, the rope didn't do it quick enough.

Half conscious and dizzy, he releases himself

and in desperate search for breath, he collapses outside.

Our clever Dr. Jekyll was no ordinary killer.

He's a devilish mastermind to be reckoned with.

What better way for serial murder

than a psychiatrist's office with an easy

by appointment line up for mercy killings?

I mean, he didn't even have to go to his prey.

They came right into his trap begging him to kill 'em.

My God.

- Wait.

That leaves the burlesque queen, right?

- Hey fellas, look what I found sticking

out of her underwear.

- Jeez, how deep did you have to dig for one there, Leroy?

- Really, you're disgusting.

In glove, come on.

- Why don't you take the chatter outside, boys.

- Go ahead.

What have you got there?

- Revenge. - Revenge?

- He says he was put to rest through euthanasia.

She came in to do the good doctor in,

but met up with the wrong guy.

- [Colts] Yeah, I'll say.

- I gotta get some air. - All right.

Yeah, I got this.

- Gavin, get off the table, come on.

- Hey uh, Chief, uh.

I was wondering um,

can I stick around and learn a few things?

- All right, everyone listen up.

Gavin here just got promoted, so let him take notes.

Looks good. - Thanks, Chief.

- Uh, where's the bathroom?

- Down the hall to the left.

- Hey, um, maybe later we might go all the way?

- Oh, okay. - Okay.

(dramatic music)

(clicking)

- You played it too close to call.

- Look who's talking.

So, why'd you let him go?

Wait, you knew all along.

(whistling)

(laughing)

- Dr. Jekyll better hide.

(shotgun banging)

(light dramatic music)

¶ It hasn't been long since I've been gone ¶

¶ But I'm right here ¶

¶ Where I belong ¶

¶ I'm free of the pain, just call my name ¶

¶ There's no need to cry ¶

¶ I'm near, I'll hear you with a prayer ¶

¶ Close your eyes, just dream of me ¶

¶ I'm everywhere you want me to be ¶

¶ All the things I didn't do ¶

¶ Just know I did my best ¶

¶ I want you to know there's so many chances ¶

¶ For your life's quest ¶

¶ Believe and you'll see ¶

¶ Just call my name ¶

¶ There's no need to cry, I'm near ¶

¶ I'll hear you with a prayer ¶

¶ Close your eyes ¶

¶ Just dream of me ¶