Original subtitles

We took him to a child psychologist when he was five.

because he seemed to be identifying as a girl.

I don't want, like, special treatment.

I want to be, you know, normal.

- Who's that in the car? - That is Gemma.

Hiya.

Oh, my god. Lily, call an ambulance!

She was going out on a date.

- Were you upset about that? - Oh, yeah, that's right, blame me!

- What do you want? - I wanna keep Max safe.

You agree, then, you're letting me back?

It doesn't mean I'm forgiving you.

I've got to be there for him.

What aren't you telling me, Stephen?

Going into business, are you?

- I'm not gay. - What else could you be?

Max wants to go to school like this from now on,

and he wants to change his name to Maxine.

Then I'm going to lose my little boy.

Why can't he stop this?

Why can't he just stop it?!

It's... Vicky and Stephen Duffy.

If you just sign your names there, and I'll just get your name badges for you.

- Great. - There we go. First time?

Yeah.

Let me take you through to meet Alice.

Alice? So sorry...

Um, this is Vicky and Stephen.

We spoke on the phone. Lovely to meet in person.

Good to meet you, too.

And don't worry, I know exactly how you're feeling.

The dads don't always come.

My daughter experienced hate crimes...

Being...

..Beaten up... by grown men.

Being... constantly and deliberately called "Him" or "He"

by one of her own teachers.

Until...

we made a complaint to the police.

This was Sam, aged eight.

And this is Samantha.

Aged 23.

Doesn't she look happy?

Same person, just the realisation of who she always was.

And now, living and working in Rome, dating a gorgeous Italian.

Stay, please.

OK, any questions?

Hi, we're new.

Our 12-year-old child wants to start going to school as a girl.

She wants to be called Maxine, not Max, she, not he,

and... well, we don't know what to do.

Listen to your child.

If she's convinced...

Then so should we be.

And you need to speak to your school.

Talk to your head teacher, and get them involved,

before your child starts dressing as a girl.

If you want any support with it...

That's what we're here for.

- Thank you. Thanks. - Yeah?

- Thanks. - OK.

Thank you, nice to meet... nice to meet you.

I found that really encouraging, didn't you? It was like...

They made you feel like everything was gonna be OK.

How did you feel?

You were very quiet in there.

Max asked me to stay, to be a better dad, so, I'm here.

I found it difficult, if I'm being honest.

But at least we saw the place.

- Right? - Right.

All right, gay boy?

Is that you rubbing yourself up against me?

That's harassment, that is.

Get smacked for it.

Do you sit when you piss, or what?

Move!

Your mum's setting up her own business...

So I'm multi-tasking.

Watch your feet.

A bit of role reversal, eh?

But I look good, yeah?

Max?

Is it the uniform thing? The...

changing your name thing, the, you know...

..Pronoun?

No, none of that.

Ok.

School?

All right.

Tell me about it.

I wish I had... like... superpowers, you know.

A punch that could send kids flying.

Adnan's doing so well, aren't you?

He's putting his hand up in class, and he's asking questions in English.

You should be very proud of him. I am.

Um, would you excuse me, please?

You see him? That's my son.

I'll tell you what, you go near him again, you say anything to him again,

I will put my hand so far down your throat, I will rip out your heart.

Do you understand?

Can't hit kids, mate.

It's against the law.

- What? - It's assault.

I'll just tell them that I was defending him against a hate crime.

You know what sort of hate I'm talking about, don't you?

So, unless you boys wanna get on board

with peace, love, and understanding, you will see me again, so, go on, piss off!

What the hell do you think you were doing?

I'm trying! They've been bullying him.

They could make a complaint, or worse still, you could get a police caution.

They don't like what I am.

I'm just trying to make life easier and better for him, OK?

That is not the way to do it. You don't threaten kids.

I'm doing what I can.

I'm trying. I'm trying.

He threatened to beat up some children, Paula.

How is that supposed to help Max?

Yeah, I know it's a big deal, but...

- But what? - It's gorgeous!

Oh, that's orange and ylang-ylang.

- What are you called? - Lathered.

I'll take two of those, and two of the apricot.

Look, I know Stephen messed up, but...

You can't keep Max in limbo.

I know.

Right, we're here to celebrate...

The launch of our new business.

To Lathered!

Lily's got some. Can I have some?

You're bubbly enough.

Yeah, but he could be even bubblier, couldn't you?

Today is about your mother.

I always thought you were capable of more, you know.

The potential you've got in you.

Thank you, Peter.

- Him, he's just a coaster, isn't he? - Yeah.

You, you're a pusher, a go-getter.

Er, and me.

You, yes, congratulations. To the ladies.

Female sex!

- Hey, all right, that's enough. - Right, Max?

What? Come on, I'm dead proud.

My wife, the entrepreneur, hey?

Can't give up work yet, son. Wait till the money starts rolling in.

Well, it was supposed to be a celebration.

To paper over the cracks.

What cracks?

Well, that... child psychologist you all had to go to.

What do they call it? Family therapy?

We're as good as any other parents, Barbara.

Are you?

I mean, you've still not given him what he wants.

That's enough.

All right, Nigella.

Max, hurry up, your dad's signature dish is on the pass.

OK, what should we toast, then?

You and me?

We're not exactly happily ever after, are we?

But, um...

We're getting somewhere.

Me and you?

Look, I know he is what he is, but Max has been in that bathroom so long

that my bladder's about to explode.

- How long's he been in there for? - Like half an hour, why?

- Really? - Yeah.

Has he locked the door?

- I think so. - Max!

Max.

Max!

- Max. - Darling, unlock the door.

Max, it's Lily!

Max!

- I don't want it! - Max!

Leave it! It's disgusting!

- Stand back. - I wanna get rid of it!

I don't want it!

Max!

Oh, my god!

Max, what are you doing?

It's changing, it's changing all the time!

- It makes me feel sick! - Give me the glass.

- I want to get rid of it! - There's glass in the bath.

It's getting bigger. I wanna get rid of it!

OK!

Right... Listen to me... Come on.

I can't stand it.

It's OK, it's OK.

They said this would happen, didn't they?

They said this is how you're gonna feel.

Now we've got to listen to you, we've got to do something. Come on!

We will. We will, son, we will.

- We will, Maxine! - OK, Maxine.

Ok.

Maxine, you do realise this isn't just a matter of...

swapping one colour pencil case for another, or opting for netball?

The choice you wanna make now, it...

Do you have any idea how hard it's gonna be?

Sheila, he's started puberty, and he's not handling it.

He tried to take a broken glass to his erection.

Mom!

Well, we're not talking about wanting to wear pink!

What are you doing? You're embarrassing him.

I want a happy daughter, not a dead son.

Well, stop saying "He," then.

- Sorry. - And Stephen, what do you want?

You know, this transitioning thing, obviously...

It'll give...

Maxine freedom, however it turns out in the end, which is a good thing, I guess.

What, you think Max might suddenly say...

"I don't feel like this any more"?

It's possible.

Because if it is just temporary, and he changes his mind...

Max might have to go to another school, and...

you might have to move home to find one.

I'm not gonna change my mind, though.

It's what I want to be.

It's what I am.

I've seen him... her in her school skirt,

the tights and that, and...

Looks right.

What professional help are you getting?

There's a gender clinic called the Ferrybank

that we were referred to by a mental health practitioner,

but we're still waiting for them to get back to us.

Over half term, I'm gonna send a letter out to Max's year group,

to say she's coming to school as Maxine.

Thank you, Sheila.

Well? Will she do?

She'll do.

You will.

Come here.

Come on, it's a new start.

Lily, keep an eye.

- Look, she knows. - Yeah, don't worry.

It's in my DNA.

What are you thinking?

Will I be a proper girl?

Just be yourself.

You can do this.

Be brave.

I love you.

All right?

Go on.

See you.

It's OK.

So, what's up there, then?

Settle down!

Morning, Maxine.

Maxine!

Right! Let's move on.

Let's just... get on.

It stands for grace, happiness, and gentleness.

Look, a tranny and a stick insect!

I think you need one of these.

Molly, sit down.

You, leave the room!

Maxine...

You said let's just get on.

Right. Good.

So, today we are gonna pick up from where we left off last week.

Do you wear knickers as well, or a bra?

Look, Lily, it's your brother.

- What toilet do you go to? - Do you have a wee sitting down?

Come on, leave her alone.

My big sister.

Molly.

Hi, Molly.

- Have you been off school a while? - Yeah.

Sorry, where are you taking her?

Going to listen to some music.

Ok.

Show me yours.

How do you know I've got any?

You must do.

Why'd you do it?

I like the way it made me feel.

It released me.

From what?

I want to make everything perfect.

I wanted to make everything different.

Your body?

It's OK.

Mine, too.

You're not trans, though.

I'm a fat pig.

What? Of course you're not.

Sometimes my uniform is so tight, I can't wear it.

Same goes for all the other clothes in my wardrobe.

It's like I'm gonna burst.

Are you ill?

Yeah.

Are you?

No.

You're lucky.

Especially as I'm gonna be your best friend, as well.

*I remember us alone* *Waiting for the light to go*

*Don't you feel that hunger* *I've got so many secrets to show*

*When I saw you on that stage* *I shiver with the look you gave*

*Can't you hear that rhythm* *Can you show me how we can escape.*

*I was biting my tongue* *I was trying to hide.*

*I forget what I've done* *I'll be redefined*

Hi, Nana!

Hi, Mum.

Still letting this go on?

Whatever he wants, he gets.

She doesn't want it, she can't help how she feels.

He's 12.

He's a child, and you're supposed to be his parent,

but you're like a genie, granting whatever his wish is.

Yeah, I remember now - they didn't have that when I was a kid.

It's called making your child happy.

Spoiling him isn't gonna make happy.

It's just gonna make him unrealistic.

I'm not spoiling her.

I'm loving her.

Hovering over him isn't loving him!

What do you mean I'm hovering?

The only reason you took that job in the school

was so you could be near him, watching him,

turning him into what he's turned into.

Don't be mean to my mum! She's way nicer than you are!

Maxine! Maxine!

Bloody punish him!

She's already being punished. We all are!

She's on a five-month waiting list. Let's go.

Nothing's ever his fault, is it?

That's why he's like that. That's what I'm talking about!

You're no grandson of mine.

I know I'm not.

We've waited five months for this.

The Ferrybank clinic.

We've got an appointment.

They took their time, but it's the next step.

I wonder what they'll think.

Come on.

Tell me some things that scare you.

Getting a deep voice.

- Why? - I know... when I look at myself...

it's not how I should sound.

What else?

My...

..you know...

my-my penis.

It's becoming...

It's become... even more wrong.

But Mum said there's something I can take.

As far as puberty blockers are concerned, some people might say

it's totally reversible, but there are potential complications.

Concerns about creating an unequal rate of growth,

between the trunk and the legs.

Deformity?

Well, not really.

Define "Not really."

Maxine's... She's started puberty and it's killing her.

She's tried to mutilate herself.

Look, I don't think it's helpful to focus

all our attention on physical intervention.

Maxine...

..needs to have puberty stopped, not just talked about.

Maxine, we're not here just to dole something out...

that you can just go away and take.

We want to understand how you felt, and when you started feeling it.

I thought I could stop my body from changing...

if I cut it...

And... that would... make me feel different.

There must be something better than that.

Changing the way you think.

Or that thing I can take.

I feel like I'm wading in deeper and deeper,

because it seems like the right thing to do, the only thing to do.

I just wanna make everyone happy, you know?

Vicky especially, but...

I don't know how happy I am any more.

You have to ask yourself, Stephen, does she really want you...

Or does she just need a supportive husband next to her

when you go to the clinic, or the school, or...

whatever it is you have to go through hoops for, or is it you?

I dunno.

Well, you should know, Stephen.

Don't go along with things

if you're not really certain it's the right thing for him.

You've got a stain on this shirt. It won't come out.

That was yesterday.

Lunch with the site foreman.

Hairy-assed foreman drinks chamomile tea, does he?

Sorry?

Fell out your pocket.

Oh, man, this is ridiculous.

All these forms and endless bloody questions, I mean,

don't they ask us enough in person?

- It has to be done. - Right, OK.

I mean, how you even supposed to know the right answers to some of these?

There's no right answer, Dad.

You just be honest.

It's not that hard.

If there's anything you don't know, just ask me.

What are you up to?

Considerate of other people's feelings.

Well, that's absolutely true, so that'll be certainly true.

You didn't tell Stephen during your separation that, at home,

Maxine dressed and behaved as a girl.

Why was that, Vicky?

My house, my rules.

But you didn't tell him you were applying those rules.

No, cos I knew that he wouldn't agree.

Stephen, you left the family home when Maxine was eight.

Why was that?

I couldn't cope with it, but I came back.

To support Maxine?

To be a good dad to Max.

To reinforce him as a boy, you mean?

To make sure he was all right, I mean.

When you and Lily spent weekends with your dad, did it come up?

Not really.

Why not?

I didn't let it.

You wanted him to have a perception of you, a way of seeing you.

I wanted him to like me.

Knowing that Stephen didn't approve of Maxine's gender identification,

you still invited him back?

Yeah.

Well, because I...

..love him.

And... Maxine wanted him back.

And you thought that Maxine was acting out because of the separation?

I didn't, no, but Stephen was sure.

But you worked with him to bring Maxine back on track, if you like?

We just wanted to help a confused little boy,

and maybe it was a mistake. People make them.

Can we please just move on?

Please.

When you showed your mum and dad how you looked in a school skirt...

how was that?

- Bit nervous. - Nervous?

But... Lily helped.

It was Lily's idea.

She made me.

Made you?

Not like that.

Gave me the courage. That's all.

You wouldn't have done it without Lily being there?

I don't know.

I, um...

We didn't know how much his sister was behind it, to be honest.

And we'd probably have taken more time.

Did you insist that's how you wanted to go to school?

N... No...

but in the end...

It was obvious I had to.

Why?

I came round in the end, OK?

I... can...

..see the problems that... puberty is causing...her.

Especially now...

Now that I'm worried that she might kill herself.

We're both worried that she might kill herself.

And you think it was the fear of the harm you might do that persuaded them?

I don't know.

Ask them.

What about you, Maxine?

How certain are you that you're doing the right thing?

I want to feel happy.

I want my parents to be happy with me.

Are you worried about their support for you?

I don't want them to stop loving me because of it.

My husband gets it now.

I think, if I'm honest, that I've always got it,

I just wasn't ready to admit it, not 100%, I wasn't...

I wasn't ready to say...

..goodbye to my little boy.

Do you get it?

There's a lot to... get your head around...

..You know, but... I'm trying.

You're still hoping it's just a phase?

Yes.

- Stephen! - I'm sorry, look,

I'm really sorry, but I do.

I mean, if he-she, if bloody she had... I don't know...

leukaemia or something, I'd be by her bedside every day,

I'd do anything I could to stop how terrible she felt,

to take the pain away.

Until she got better. I wouldn't hate her, I'd just...

I'd hate the leukaemia.

You think this is a sickness?

It's who she is, Stephen.

Just treat her, OK?

Just... treat her.

- Leukaemia, for fuck's sake! - All right.

No, it's not all right - you compared her to an illness!

I know, I get that, OK, I'm just saying that

there's a range of things that we can do, Vicky, not just...

puberty blockers, which, by the way,

they're not gonna hand out like bloody sweets, aren't they?

They'll stop her body from changing and give us more time,

so we're absolutely sure.

The last thing she needs now is an Adam's apple,

- and hair growing on her, and a voice like a wrestler! - So what?!

Let them decide what she needs, OK, not you!

What she needs is physical intervention now!

She's already hurt herself twice.

- I know. - That's only gonna get worse!

How can it get worse? Maybe she'll have the body of a 12-year-old

for the next three years.

But at least she won't hate it!

Do you even care how she feels?

If I didn't care, I wouldn't be there, would I?

You're undermining why we're there.

What's wrong?

*I think at last I'm down the path to being me*

*And I know it won't be easy*

*And I'm already shit scared*

*And I'm thinking that I'd better be prepared.*

It's nice to know you're not alone, huh?

Where's Dad?

Will I make us some dinner?

Some pasta or something?

I'm good, I'm not hungry.

- Are you staying? - I can't.

What's the point in me, Stephen?

What?

Am I just someone you use to punish Vicky?

No.

No.

So what about what I want?

I don't even know what I want.

For fuck's sake, Stephen.

At least it was about Maxine before, but this is just about you and her.

I knew it.

I knew it.

I'm sorry.

Come mine tonight?

Can't. Gotta help my mum out. Are you home alone?

Yeah, they've all gone back to Leeds to the clinic.

Assessment, family therapy, whatever.

Well, if it's family, why aren't you there?

- I don't know. - All right, girls?

You all right?

Hey, Lily, are you heterosexual?

Yeah, why?

Not like your brother, then.

My sister!

Exactly.

Look, in her case, Dean, it's gender, not sexuality.

Right, anyway, it confuses the fuck out of me.

I'm only asking because Aaron here, he's not confused about his feelings.

Dean, shut up, man.

- Yeah, you know, so, um... -What?

- He fancies your trans sister. - No, I don't.

I don't, um...

Well, it's actually you that I'm, you know, interested in.

Makes a change.

Please don't...

Please don't do that.

We never say no, we only say not now.

We want to keep meeting you...

to support you in the other ways we can, and offer family therapy.

And for you, Maxine, to join an LGBT group.

I can't have it.

We want to encourage you to think about more fluid ways to embrace your gender,

not this box or that box.

To learn how to be you.

A feminine boy, or gay, or neither a boy or a girl.

And you don't think she's got enough confusion in her life?

We have taken various things into consideration.

Stephen, your stance, for instance, on Maxine's gender identification,

and Maxine, your own experience...

and we feel that while there are still such...

uncertainties,

going forward now with medical intervention would just be wrong.

Don't you believe me?

We just think a watchful, waiting approach,

as we don't think things are urgent just yet.

- No, it is urgent. - But more than that...

we think you're a family in distress...

and we all need to work together to figure out what's best.

Right.

What do you mean, "Right" - it's not right, though, is it?

You sit there all friendly and neutral, but what you're actually saying is no.

And saying no isn't neutral, is it?

What did I do wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong, darling, you've done nothing wrong.

There are other things that can happen, Maxine, while you wait.

She can't wait.

And you can't deny her treatment!

Vicky, it's not as open and shut as that.

Then what are you saying?

What's she gonna do, wait until she's 16 when it is too late,

and she's gone through all that agony and hell,

and then she ends up in a man's body?

And then what will you do, offer her more counselling

when she tries to commit suicide again?

- Calm down, Vicky. - Is that what you'll do?

- No. It's your fault! - How's it...

You're the uncertainty, because they won't support this,

because you won't support her.

So, this is actually your fault.

It's exactly what's happened in the past,

that's what you're basically saying, isn't it?

That's right, Vicky, slag me off in front of them.

You're proving their point for them.

No, you've already proven the point, by sitting there and wobbling and worrying.

Well, I'm here, aren't I? I'm here!

But these are the experts, these are the people that know!

Oh, shut... I'm the expert, all right, I'm the expert,

because I'm a mother, and she's the expert, not you!

You don't know, we know.

We know. We know.

I don't think I can... trust you any more.

Look, even if we don't hire an accountant,

we're still gonna need accounting software,

so if we move to Shopify, we can caption emails,

use their apps, but it doesn't come cheap.

- So... - What?

I'll approach my brother-in-law, if you approach your mother.

I can't, she's not talking to me right now.

She thinks I'm a crap mother.

You know, if this takes off, we won't be able to do it in our kitchens,

we'll need a place with industrial ovens and that.

I can't do this right now.

We have to think about volume and stock, we can't just...

I don't give a shit!

I'm sorry.

Don't buy the puberty blockers online.

I mean, you don't know what you'd be getting.

I never would, I was...

gonna go to the GP and get a prescription.

Well, good luck with that!

Because most of them think it's outside their expertise and competence.

So where do I go, then?

Look, Mermaids can't recommend anything outside the NHS,

- but... - What?

Well, we can make you aware of other options.

I read online that you took your daughter to Boston.

- Is that still an option? - Yes.

I can give you the contact details, if you want them.

Yeah, I want them.

Look at Maxine.

It looks like she's just realised she's not alone.

I want her to be that happy all the time.

I know.

Does it cost a lot?

Depends how many visits.

But thousands.

I mean... it's out of reach for most people.

- I'm starting my own business... - Starting!

Vicky...

you need the money now.

Thanks, Barbara.

Thanks, Mum...

We really appreciate your support.

I know we don't always see eye to eye.

She's had to eat a lot of humble pie.

But at the end of the day, I quite like the idea of being an investor.

Of having a bit of control in her affairs.

We just wanna make it work, don't we?

You're determined all of a sudden.

I am.

Mum Is something wrong?

- No, I just need to talk to you. - Not now.

- Mum, please, can you just listen? - Darling, please,

please, not now!

Where are we going, Mum?

America.

No way - really?

Yep.

Really.

Why?

Why? Because I'm your mum, and I'll do anything for you, that's why.

I think you have to take some of that make-up off.

You need to look as much like your passport photo as possible.

And, um... will you lose the earrings and the bag, please?

Hi.

Ready?

I'm not gonna let you down.

Hi, you must be Maxine!

Maxine is my child, too!

This should have been our decision!

Victoria Duffy, I'm arresting you under Section One of the Child Abduction Act.

Dean said he saw you around here.

Yeah, I'm staying at my nan's.

- I've come to say I'm sorry. - Is that all?

I can't talk to you right now.

The local authority might apply to the court for an interim care order.

I know "Guardian" sounds like I come in here and I start taking over.

I just need to talk to you all.

This is not about concern for Maxine, this is about panic,

because you can't control it.

She's reckless, obsessed.

We could lose her altogether, you know that, don't you?

You said everything would be all right.