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ALISON: [hums]
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MIKE: And...ta-da! congratulations.
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ALISON: On what?
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MIKE: Well, all the doors now shut,
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and I just sealed the last window.
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So you know what that means?
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ALICE: We should get a carbon monoxide alarm?
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MIKE: No. Well, yes.
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But it also means that pigeon can't get in here.
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Which I'd say calls for a toast.
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ALICE: I thought we were saving that to celebrate the woodworm treatment.
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MIKE: Nah, it's only Prosecco. I'll buy another bottle.
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Oh!
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ALICE: See, this is why we wait for the woodworm treatment.
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MIKE: Quick. Block the hole before the pigeon gets in.
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MIKE: How?
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ALICE: Mike, it won't shut with that on.
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MIKE: Yeah, I'm not an idiot.
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They're just holding it while I put the Sellotape on.
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[barking]
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BARCLAY: Bitches, bitches!
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Bitches, bitches!
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They don't listen. Women, eh?
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Barclay. Beg-Chetwynde.
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ALISON: What's that? BARCLAY: That's me.
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Barclay Beg-Chetwynde. From next door.
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MIKE: We have a next door?
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BARCLAY: Yes, about a mile that way.
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I own the-- You know the village?
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BOTH: Yeah. BARCLAY: Yes, I own that.
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We Summer in Tuscany, but got back and saw you'd moved in.
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Thought I should come say how do.
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ALISON: Right. Yeah. I'm Alison, and this is Mike.
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Sorry, come in. BARCLAY: Thank you.
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[barks]
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ROBIN: [barks]
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What you say? BARCLAY: Tally. Tally.
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Must have seen a ghost.
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Didn't you know? This place's absolutely riddled with them.
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So legend has it,
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there's a lady falls from a window in the west wing.
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FANNY: East wing. BARCLAY: Dressed in white.
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FANNY: Grey. BARCLAY: Georgian. FANNY: Edwardian.
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BARCLAY: Attractive. Early 20s.
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And a strange creature that roams the grounds,
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half man, half ape.
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MIKE: Well, I haven't seen anything.
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ALISON: No. No, he hasn't.
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BARCLAY: It's probably all tosh and piffle.
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Anyway, reason I called,
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"incepto ne desistam"-- JULIAN: I remember this berk.
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Met him at a party fundraiser here back in the day.
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Rich as Croesus. Loves the sound of his own voice.
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Which reminds me of a very funny story I heard once
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on a golf course. Now, there was Brucie.
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That's Brucie Forsyth. Guys. Guys, anecdote.
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Anecdote alert, right in the middle of one.
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Now, it doesn't really affect your grounds inside the gates,
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but the path outside the gates is on my deed,
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so technically, you have to cross a strip of my land
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every time you enter your house.
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MIKE: Oh. We had no idea.
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BARCLAY: It's a simple thing to sort out,
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but probably worth a quick pow wow at some point.
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MIKE: Yeah, sure. Well, we'll--
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ALISON: Maybe you could come to dinner some time?
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BARCLAY: Splendid idea. See you at 8:00.
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I'm free!
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I'll bring a Pelaverga.
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MIKE: What's a--?
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BARCLAY: Oh. And Bunny can't eat beef.
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Well, she can, but she shouldn't,
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if you know what I mean.
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ALISON: [laughs]
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BARCLAY: Right, once more unto the breach. Come along, bitches!
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MIKE: Is that all of them? Never mind.
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What did you do that for?
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ALISON: Because he's got some weird claim over our driveway,
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so we should probably keep him sweet.
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ALISON: Besides, he's our way in. MIKE: To what?
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ALISON: Society, Mike. We're posh now.
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We should be mixing with other poshoes.
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MIKE: But he is awful.
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ALICE: So? Some awful people have really nice friends.
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I mean, look at your mate Greg.
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MIKE: What's wrong with Greg? ALISON: Nothing.
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Hello, girl. You're lovely, ain't you?
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It's worth it.
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-Hello, girl. -[barking]
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I can't touch any more.
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[howling]
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[barks]
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[barks]
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[howls]
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[babbles]
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JULIAN: Um, book? Film? 5 words.
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"The Importance Of Being Earnest."
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"Great Expectations." "Tootsie," "Tootsie,"
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"Tootsie," "Tootsie," "Tootsie."
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It's "Tootsie," "Tootsie."
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It's "Tootsie," "Tootsie," "Tootsie."
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CAPTAIN: Stop saying "Tootsie."
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MARY: What be a tootsie?
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JULIAN: Round, covering...
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PAT: It's an eclipse!
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Eclipse! Moonah eclipse. CAPTAIN: God, not this again.
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THOMAS: Must we humor this bull calf?
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FANNY: It's absolutely asinine.
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PAT: It's a wonderful group activity,
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and he doesn't ask for much.
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FANNY: Well, he can't ask for much.
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ROBIN: Hey! Me speak good.
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THOMAS: Well. Me speak well. I!
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KITTY: I'm not actually free tonight, but I could do Thursday.
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ROBIN: No. Eclipse is tonight.
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CAPTAIN: All right, all right, all right.
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We'll do it, provided I can do the reading.
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THOMAS: Not a chance, sir! Me always do the reading. I!
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CAPTAIN: Very well. We'll put it to the vote.
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Who would you like to hear speak more, me or Thomas?
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MARY: Be there a third option?
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ALISON: Yeah, that is pretty much what I thought.
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Torn thing of peas and a frozen lasagna.
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MIKE: Ooh! Make your lasagna.
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ALISON: Mike, my lasagna is frozen lasagna.
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I'm not serving them that. I don't want them thinking
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that we're the sort of that people that we are.
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MIKE: Well, what do posh people eat?
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FANNY: Turtle soup. ALISON: No. MIKE: What?
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ALISON: Turtle soup. MIKE: Oh, yeah. No.
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FANNY: Oyster rissoles? ALISON: Oyster rissoles?
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MIKE: You don't like shellfish,
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and I'm not eating anything's rissole.
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ALISON: I don't think it means what you think it means.
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FANNY: What about pheasant?
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MIKE: What?
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ALISON: Up a bit. Left a bit.
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MIKE: Can't we just go to the shops? ALISON: No, we haven't got time.
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Just concentrate. Down a bit.
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A bit more. Bit more. Bit more.
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MIKE: Do you want to do it?
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ALISON: You lost the toss. CAPTAIN: Little bit more.
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Bit more.
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MIKE: I don't think I can do. CAPTAIN: Fire, fire, fire!
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Go! [shot]
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CAPTAIN: [laughs] Gleaming bundook op from the civvy.
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We'll have him out boshing Jerry in no time.
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MIKE: What did he say?
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ALISON: No idea. And then something racist.
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CAPTAIN: There's a hare. There's a hare.
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ALISON: He says, there's a hare. CAPTAIN: There's a hare. Pom-pom.
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MIKE: This is grim. Why did I have to pluck it?
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In the oven for 20 minutes.
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MARY: No, you have to de-gloves the gizzards.
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ALISON: Well, it doesn't say that here and, no offence, Mary,
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but I trust the book more than you. My God.
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MARY: Gizzards.
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[gags]
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ALISON: Right, you're in charge of the pheasant.
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Call me when it looks done. MARY: Done.
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OK, I'm going to change into-- What do posh people wear?
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MARY: Crowns? ALISON: I'm asking the wrong person.
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MARY: Yes, yeah.
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ALISON: That smells gamey.
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[gags]
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JULIAN: Ehhhhhhh...
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ROBIN: Left a bit. No, right a bit. No, left a bit.
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JULIAN: It's fine. PAT: It's amazing, isn't it,
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to think, a sacred site right here for all those years?
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Your own little Stonehenge.
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ROBIN: No! Stonehenge copied.
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CAPTAIN: OK. All right, all right.
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ROBIN: Well... CAPTAIN: Settle down.
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Now, the eclipse itself will be at--
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ROBIN: Dong-dong-dong-dong-- CAPTAIN: Robin.
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Yes, thank you, Robin. We got it the first time.
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It'll be at 2100. 9 o'clock.
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Now, I trust everyone remembers the drill?
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I, of course, will be doing the reading.
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THOMAS: Farcical. It should be I. Me!
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CAPTAIN: Based on Robin's recollection of the original ritual.
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ROBIN: Er, thank be to moonah.
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Good light in sky.
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CAPTAIN: Loosely based. Any questions? Excellent.
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And, as always, our muster point will be right here.
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ROBIN: Moonah stone.
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FANNY: No, you heathen!
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Spoon on the outside, spoon on the outside.
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Oh, I can't look.
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BOTH: Is that what you're wearing? Me?
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MIKE: You look like Downton Abbey.
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ALISON: Abbey's not a character, Mike. And, for your information,
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this is entirely appropriate evening attire
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for entertaining guests of such refined social standing.
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BOTH: The Beg-Chetwyndes are de-facto gatekeepers
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for the county's social calendar, and are possessing--
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MIKE: I know what you're doing. ALISON: Fine.
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But I am reliably informed that this is how posh people dress,
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so I'm sorry, but I'm not changing anything.
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MIKE: I'll put on a shirt if you lose the pearls.
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Yep, OK.
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[doorbell sounds] Hurry up.
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KITTY: They're here, they're here. How do I look?
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FANNY: The same, Kitty.
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ALISON: And remember, don't-- Just don't.
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This is important to us.
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BARCLAY: Annabel. This is Bunny.
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Bunny, this is Annabel. ALISON: It's Alison.
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BUNNY: Sorry we're early, I drove here. ALISON: Oh, yeah.
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BARCLAY: Michael, Bunny. Bunny, Michael.
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Smashing shirt. Who is it?
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MIKE: It's me? KITTY: And I'm Kitty.
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I'm wearing what I died in. ALISON: Splendid to welcome you.
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Please do come in on in through. BUNNY: Super.
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BARCLAY: Bunny's been so looking forward to meeting you.
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BUNNY: Have I? Ooh!
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BARCLAY: Et voila. Pelaverga.
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BOTH: Oh!
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KITTY: Let me see. Let me see it.
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ALISON: Thank you. That is most kind.
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Oh!
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Ooh.
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MIKE: I am so sorry.
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My wife recently had a head injury,
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which has caused some of her behavior to be a little--
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[pigeon cooing]
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ALISON: Mike, why don't you pop down to the cellar
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and try and find us another bottle of wine?
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MIKE: Yeah. ALISON: And I can show our guests through.
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Do come in on.
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The building work is still underway,
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so you may have to adjust your-- FANNY: Bra strap.
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ALISON: Bra strap. Expectations.
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So, indeed, they advised myself to just sell the house
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without even seeing it, but I said--
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FANNY: Don't speak with your mouth full!
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ALISON: But I said that...
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Sorry, it's gone.
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MIKE: So, yeah, the idea is to turn it into a hotel.
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BARCLAY: An 'otel, eh? Could be a nice little earner.
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ALISON: Well, it will not be easy, but-- FANNY: Elbows!
242
00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,133
ALISON: I think we're on top of things.
243
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,966
[alarm sounds]
244
00:11:28,033 --> 00:11:31,000
KITTY: Me, me, me! What's louder, me or that?
245
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,800
Me, me, me!
246
00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:38,633
ALISON: Sorry, I just have to go and have a word with my--myself.
247
00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,800
KITTY: Me! ALISON: Shh!
248
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,066
BUNNY: Who's had that?
249
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:47,733
[coughs]
250
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,100
ALISON: Mary, didn't you smell burning?
251
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:52,866
MARY: I always smells burning!
252
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,666
ALISON: Would you eat that?
253
00:12:02,733 --> 00:12:08,166
MARY: Well, I hasn't eaten in 400 years, but no.
254
00:12:08,233 --> 00:12:11,233
ALISON: Maybe I can salvage it? MARY: That's burnt.
255
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:15,000
And I'd know. ALISON: Right.
256
00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:16,966
Where's the--? Ah.
257
00:12:17,033 --> 00:12:19,066
Voila. Pheasant stew.
258
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,233
Right, you watch this. I've got to get back up there
259
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,900
and convince them I haven't lost my marbles.
260
00:12:22,966 --> 00:12:24,600
MARY: What are marbles?
261
00:12:24,666 --> 00:12:26,266
ALISON: Just call me when it's reduced.
262
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:28,833
MARY: Right.
263
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,733
Reduced to what?
264
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,633
[howling]
265
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:39,133
ALISON: Sorry about that. I cremated the pheasant.
266
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,733
But all sorted now. So, um, let's just pretend
267
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,900
that this evening so far never happened,
268
00:12:43,966 --> 00:12:48,400
and start right-- ROBIN: [howling]
269
00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:51,833
ALL: Moonah circle, moonah circle, moonah circle...
270
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,233
[chanting continues]
271
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:57,066
BUNNY: So, Alison. BARCLAY: Annabel.
272
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:59,066
BUNNY: Annabel. ALL: [chanting]
273
00:12:59,133 --> 00:13:02,933
CAPTAIN: And now thanks be to the wondrous moon
274
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,166
and the guiding light it giveth
275
00:13:05,233 --> 00:13:08,800
between 2100 hours. Dramatic pause.
276
00:13:08,866 --> 00:13:12,533
THOMAS: Take a breath. Give it some light and shade.
277
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,666
Oh blessed moon as spied from the Earth.
278
00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:20,833
Bright as thine eyes. Round as thine eyes.
279
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,733
Yet too far apart, like thine--
280
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,333
No, I don't mean your eyes-- CAPTAIN: Thorne.
281
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,366
I'm doing the reading. I won the vote.
282
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,133
JULIAN: To be fair, it was very close and entirely non-binding.
283
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,366
BUNNY: Wouldn't you say?
284
00:13:35,966 --> 00:13:42,000
ALL: [chanting] ALISON: Yes, I wouldn't. Or would I?
285
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,600
ROBIN: [howls] ALL: [chanting]
286
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,100
ALL: [chanting] ROBIN: [yells]
287
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,900
ALISON: I was saying to Mike just this morning
288
00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:58,100
it's been unseasonably warm for the time of year.
289
00:13:58,166 --> 00:14:00,633
Bread? BARCLAY: No, thank you.
290
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:02,333
FANNY: A lady does not raise her voice
291
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:07,800
in polite company. ALL: [chanting]
292
00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:12,033
ALISON: [laughs]
293
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,966
MARY: Stew update. All the water's turned to clouds.
294
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:19,600
ALL: [chanting]
295
00:14:19,666 --> 00:14:21,633
MARY: Is it a bad time?
296
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:25,433
ALISON: Mike, bit of a problem with the old electrics again!
297
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:28,833
Maybe you should show our guests the fuse box!
298
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:31,866
MIKE: Um, yeah. ALISON: The fuse box.
299
00:14:31,933 --> 00:14:33,700
MIKE: Right, fuse box. Yeah.
300
00:14:33,766 --> 00:14:35,933
This way, then, guys. BUNNY: Ahm, yeah.
301
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,433
ALL: [chanting]
302
00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:45,900
ALISON: Right! KITTY: [singing]
303
00:14:45,966 --> 00:14:48,300
MARY: I'll come back. ALISON: Now, you listen to me.
304
00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:52,833
I don't know what's going on here, but--Kitty!
305
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,800
But it stops right now, because I'm having a dinner party,
306
00:14:55,866 --> 00:14:57,833
which should be clear from the fact I'm having a dinner party!
307
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,433
ROBIN: But this moonah eclipse very special.
308
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,833
ALISON: I don't care what it is.
309
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,566
It stops right now.
310
00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:05,300
CAPTAIN: Now, hang on a moment.
311
00:15:05,366 --> 00:15:07,133
This is a time-honored ritual
312
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,100
that means a great deal to Robin
313
00:15:09,166 --> 00:15:11,400
and, frankly, I think he deserves a little respect.
314
00:15:11,466 --> 00:15:13,933
ROBIN: Yes. Moonah is-- CAPTAIN: Shut up, Robin.
315
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,700
The point is, we were here first,
316
00:15:15,766 --> 00:15:18,566
so maybe you lot should take your leave.
317
00:15:18,633 --> 00:15:22,500
No. This is my house now, and I'm not going anywhere.
318
00:15:22,566 --> 00:15:27,400
CAPTAIN: Well, neither are we. PAT: Quite right.
319
00:15:27,466 --> 00:15:30,266
FANNY: [whispers] Sorry.
320
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,466
ALISON: Wait there.
321
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,666
CAPTAIN: Right. Stand firm, everybody.
322
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,733
I don't know what she has in her arsenal,
323
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,133
but we shall remain resolute against the tyranny that is--
324
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,666
MARY: [gasps]
325
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,366
ALL: Oh...
326
00:15:44,433 --> 00:15:46,400
THOMAS: What in the name of Saint Cuthbert?
327
00:15:46,466 --> 00:15:49,166
MARY: It's all the colors at once.
328
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:51,100
PAT: But what does it do?
329
00:15:51,166 --> 00:15:55,666
ALISON: I'm so glad you asked. Come this way.
330
00:15:55,733 --> 00:15:58,633
ROBIN: But, no, wait. JULIAN: It's a compact disc.
331
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:02,866
ROBIN: Guys. But it's moonah!
332
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,866
MIKE: And last but not least, we have this one,
333
00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:14,466
which is west wing socks. BARCLAY: Sockets.
334
00:16:14,533 --> 00:16:17,466
MIKE: Ah. Yeah, that makes more sense.
335
00:16:17,533 --> 00:16:21,566
And I think that is all the fuses I can show you.
336
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:23,200
BARCLAY: Fascinating. MIKE: Yeah.
337
00:16:23,266 --> 00:16:24,733
To be honest, there's not really
338
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,600
anything that fabulous down here.
339
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:31,066
GHOST: Speak for yourself. BUNNY: Ooh...plonk!
340
00:16:31,133 --> 00:16:33,433
GHOST: Clearly a connoisseur. BUNNY: I'll grab another bottle.
341
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,966
BARCLAY: Actually, while we've got a moment,
342
00:16:36,033 --> 00:16:39,200
perhaps we could just discuss the whole access issue?
343
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,300
MIKE: I don't-- BARCLAY: Splendid.
344
00:16:41,366 --> 00:16:44,733
Now, the former owner and I just had a gentleman's agreement,
345
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,266
but if you're going to run this place as a business,
346
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:50,866
you probably want something a bit more official in place,
347
00:16:50,933 --> 00:16:52,900
financially speaking.
348
00:16:52,966 --> 00:16:58,133
So, what if I were to sign over access rights to you for--
349
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:01,833
What shall we say? Oh, I don't know. 20?
350
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:05,000
MIKE: 20? Oh, 20's fine.
351
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,200
BARCLAY: Wonderful!
352
00:17:07,266 --> 00:17:12,200
And since we're all friends now, let's call it 19,500.
353
00:17:12,266 --> 00:17:14,600
[bottle drops] BUNNY: Sorry!
354
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,700
BARCLAY: Less 30 quid for that. [laughs]
355
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,900
CAPTAIN: Wow. Look at the quality.
356
00:17:22,966 --> 00:17:24,700
PAT: Knocks the socks off of Betamax.
357
00:17:24,766 --> 00:17:26,200
ALISON: It's called "Friends." It's a comedy.
358
00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:28,333
THOMAS: Like "Vanity Fair."
359
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,800
ALISON: No, that's a magazine. And this is a box set.
360
00:17:29,866 --> 00:17:31,900
So, plenty more where that came from.
361
00:17:31,966 --> 00:17:35,900
Have fun, don't leave the room and--don't leave the room.
362
00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:42,166
THOMAS: It just appears to be 5 people sitting around on a sofa.
363
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:47,300
What's so amusing about-- hello. Who is this?
364
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,300
BARCLAY: Annabel. MIKE: Sorry, sorry, won't be a moment.
365
00:17:51,366 --> 00:17:52,866
BARCLAY: No hurry.
366
00:17:52,933 --> 00:17:54,233
MIKE: OK. Slight problem.
367
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:56,066
ALISON: And it was going so well.
368
00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:57,866
MIKE: Yeah. So you know the whole access thing?
369
00:17:57,933 --> 00:18:00,100
Barclay said that we could have the rights for 20 grand.
370
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,133
ALISON: Yeah. Dream on, mate.
371
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,833
MIKE: Yeah. I know, right?
372
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:05,500
The thing is I think I shook on it.
373
00:18:05,566 --> 00:18:07,133
ALISON: What? MIKE: He held his hand out.
374
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,166
What was I supposed to do? Not shake it?
375
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:11,466
ALISON: Yes. MIKE: I can't do that. It's too awkward.
376
00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:13,966
If someone puts their hand out, I always shake it.
377
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:15,900
ALISON: Can this evening get any worse?
378
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,000
MARY: Right. Stew news.
379
00:18:18,066 --> 00:18:20,866
I believes it has reduced.
380
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:24,966
ALISON: That is beyond reduced.
381
00:18:25,033 --> 00:18:26,533
MARY: Yeah, I've got to be honest,
382
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,666
I don't know what reduced means.
383
00:18:32,266 --> 00:18:33,766
ALISON: Yeah.
384
00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:36,566
BARCLAY: Well, that was wonderful.
385
00:18:36,633 --> 00:18:39,566
BUNNY: Yes. BARCLAY: However do you get it so square?
386
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:42,166
ALISON: Secret, I'm afraid. Old family recipe.
387
00:18:42,233 --> 00:18:43,533
BUNNY: Another. BARCLAY: No.
388
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,433
Come on, Buns, you've had enough.
389
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:49,666
Right, then, port and poker. Money on the table.
390
00:18:49,733 --> 00:18:51,566
ALISON: Actually, talking of money.
391
00:18:51,633 --> 00:18:54,400
About the access thing. BARCLAY: That's all sorted.
392
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,933
Worked something out with your fella here.
393
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,300
MIKE: Come on. BARCLAY: Good lad.
394
00:18:59,366 --> 00:19:01,633
BARCLAY: Right, am I dealing everyone in?
395
00:19:01,700 --> 00:19:03,333
BUNNY: Yep.
396
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,800
ALISON: I'm afraid we don't play.
397
00:19:04,866 --> 00:19:07,333
MIKE: I play. I'm a player.
398
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,733
ALISON: I'm not sure you are, Mike.
399
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,633
MIKE: I am a player.
400
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,600
ALISON: OK.
401
00:19:13,666 --> 00:19:16,766
Right, well, I guess I'm getting the port, then.
402
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,866
BARCLAY: Deal.
403
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:22,900
There we go.
404
00:19:30,566 --> 00:19:34,900
MIKE: I've lost 100 quid.
405
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:38,866
BARCLAY: Beginner's luck, I assure you. Another hand?
406
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,566
ALL: [laugh]
407
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:48,633
THOMAS: She is beguiling, the Lady Rachel.
408
00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:51,733
Is it her hair? Perhaps it's her hair.
409
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,733
There's something about her hair.
410
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:58,400
KITTY: I'm Phoebe. And Lady Button's Monica.
411
00:19:58,466 --> 00:20:00,900
And the Captain's Ross. CAPTAIN: What? No.
412
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:03,700
I'm clearly Chandler. It's a dry wit, but it's there.
413
00:20:03,766 --> 00:20:05,300
PAT: I'm sorry, did we zip our lips?
414
00:20:05,366 --> 00:20:07,500
I think we zipped our lips.
415
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:26,000
♪ There'll be a light In the dark ♪
416
00:20:26,066 --> 00:20:27,600
PAT: Robin.
417
00:20:27,666 --> 00:20:29,400
We're watching "Friends" here, mate.
418
00:20:29,466 --> 00:20:31,233
ALISON: Right, I need your help.
419
00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:33,100
ALL: [hush] ALISON: No, no. It's important.
420
00:20:33,166 --> 00:20:34,766
THOMAS: As is this.
421
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,933
My empathy's hewn betwixt lovelorn Ross
422
00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:39,300
and Joey, the Veronan lothario.
423
00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:41,033
ALISON: No, you don't understand.
424
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,300
CAPTAIN: No, young lady, you do not understand.
425
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:45,000
You cannot banish us with one breath
426
00:20:45,066 --> 00:20:47,333
and then demand our reinforcement with the next.
427
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,200
ROBIN: No moonah stone, no help lady.
428
00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:51,366
ALISON: Come on. Surely one of you will.
429
00:20:51,433 --> 00:20:53,233
MARY: Alison.
430
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:58,833
Just to check, can I stops watching the pot now?
431
00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:01,666
I can't play gambles.
432
00:21:01,733 --> 00:21:03,633
ALISON: No, no, you don't need to.
433
00:21:03,700 --> 00:21:07,533
Just look at his cards and tell me what you see. Yeah?
434
00:21:11,033 --> 00:21:12,566
Sorry. Needed a wee.
435
00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:13,966
BARCLAY: Better out than in.
436
00:21:14,033 --> 00:21:15,300
I've dealt you a hand.
437
00:21:15,366 --> 00:21:17,533
ALISON: Great. Great, great, great.
438
00:21:19,866 --> 00:21:23,166
In fact, why don't we make this interesting?
439
00:21:23,233 --> 00:21:25,166
Double or nothing.
440
00:21:25,233 --> 00:21:27,633
If you win the game, then we pay you double what you wanted
441
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:29,833
for access to our drive. MIKE: What?
442
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:34,433
BARCLAY: 40,000? And if I lose?
443
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,400
ALISON: You sign it over for free.
444
00:21:37,466 --> 00:21:39,966
BARCLAY: You're trying to bluff me.
445
00:21:40,033 --> 00:21:43,266
Nice try, but nothing gets past me, Annabel.
446
00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:46,333
You're on. MIKE: Are you insane?
447
00:21:52,533 --> 00:21:56,600
MARY: Right. Yeah.
448
00:21:56,666 --> 00:22:00,800
There's a person whose blanket is also a person,
449
00:22:00,866 --> 00:22:05,266
but it's upside down and be like they've had a quarrel.
450
00:22:05,333 --> 00:22:08,233
There's a number more than 3,
451
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:11,166
but with a shape that's like a loaf,
452
00:22:11,233 --> 00:22:15,366
but it's on its side, on the end of a wrong stick.
453
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,233
BARCLAY: Just pop a check in the post.
454
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,666
Or a banker's draft, whatever's easier.
455
00:22:21,733 --> 00:22:24,866
BUNNY: Was I wearing shoes?
456
00:22:24,933 --> 00:22:27,533
BARCLAY: Honestly, can't take her anywhere.
457
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:31,033
Come on. Silly moo.
458
00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:35,500
JULIAN: There you are. Now, it's saying to load the next disc--
459
00:22:35,566 --> 00:22:37,666
PAT: We need disc two. Where's disc two?
460
00:22:37,733 --> 00:22:41,533
Forget it, OK? Thanks to you, we just lost 40,000 pounds.
461
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,833
PAT: What? What did we do?
462
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,633
ALISON: Nothing. That's the whole point.
463
00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:48,800
JULIAN: 40 grand? To that gas bag?
464
00:22:48,866 --> 00:22:51,433
What did you do, play him at poker?
465
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,766
Oh, she did.
466
00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:56,500
PAT: Sorry, just to clarify, that was a firm answer on disc two?
467
00:22:56,566 --> 00:23:00,333
JULIAN: Word of advice, never play someone who can afford to lose.
468
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,100
Not as if he needs the money either.
469
00:23:02,166 --> 00:23:03,966
Unless it's for legal fees.
470
00:23:04,033 --> 00:23:08,266
Maybe they've finally found out about that bank account in Fiji.
471
00:23:12,333 --> 00:23:14,466
BUNNY: Now, keys.
472
00:23:14,533 --> 00:23:17,900
BARCLAY: Not sure you should drive, Buns.
473
00:23:17,966 --> 00:23:20,866
BUNNY: No, I'm fine. Look.
474
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:27,900
BARCLAY: I stand corrected. BUNNY: Yep.
475
00:23:27,966 --> 00:23:31,133
BARCLAY: Thank you for a lovely evening, Annabel. BOTH: Alison.
476
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,366
BARCLAY: And no hard feelings about the whole, you know?
477
00:23:34,433 --> 00:23:36,566
ALISON: No, no, no, no, a deal's a deal.
478
00:23:36,633 --> 00:23:38,533
I was thinking of doing a bank transfer.
479
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,766
BARCLAY: Oh, very modern. I'll e-mail you my details.
480
00:23:41,833 --> 00:23:43,833
ALISON: Great, great.
481
00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:47,200
And is that for your current account or the Fiji account?
482
00:23:47,266 --> 00:23:49,633
BUNNY: What's the Fiji account?
483
00:23:52,433 --> 00:23:57,966
BARCLAY: You know what? What's a little card game between friends?
484
00:23:58,033 --> 00:24:03,166
[Laughs] Let's just forget this silly money nonsense.
485
00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:07,300
I'll sign over the access rights to you "gratis"
486
00:24:07,366 --> 00:24:10,900
and pop the papers in the post first thing.
487
00:24:10,966 --> 00:24:12,833
Come along, Bunny.
488
00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:18,200
BUNNY: [farts] Was that lasagna beef?
489
00:24:18,266 --> 00:24:20,466
[farts]
490
00:24:20,533 --> 00:24:26,300
MIKE: How did you know he had a--? Oh. Thank you.
491
00:24:26,366 --> 00:24:28,266
ALISON: They're not here.
492
00:24:28,333 --> 00:24:29,833
They're upstairs watching "Friends."
493
00:24:29,900 --> 00:24:33,500
MIKE: Oh. This place is weird. ALISON: Yeah.
494
00:24:33,566 --> 00:24:35,033
BARCLAY: Look out, Bunny, that's the gate.
495
00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:36,766
BUNNY: I can see it!
496
00:24:36,833 --> 00:24:38,500
ALISON: Still, that's one problem solved.
497
00:24:38,566 --> 00:24:41,566
PIGEON: [coos]
498
00:24:41,633 --> 00:24:43,300
DOG: [barks] [crunching sound]
499
00:24:43,366 --> 00:24:45,433
ALISON: Ooh.
500
00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:49,933
MIKE: I mean, I didn't like that pigeon,
501
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,366
but that is no way to go.
502
00:24:52,433 --> 00:24:55,133
ALISON: Better than being shot. MIKE: Yeah.
503
00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:06,833
PAT: No second disc, guys. BOTH: [sigh]
504
00:25:06,900 --> 00:25:09,566
CAPTAIN: Could that BE any more vexing?
505
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:12,600
Honestly, you get all keyed up. They key you up...
506
00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:17,200
PAT: You all right, mate? ROBIN: Yeah.
507
00:25:17,266 --> 00:25:20,433
PAT: What is it, you know, about the moon?
508
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:23,466
Why do you care so much?
509
00:25:23,533 --> 00:25:27,400
ROBIN: Before you was moonah.
510
00:25:27,466 --> 00:25:31,433
Before house was moonah.
511
00:25:31,500 --> 00:25:35,966
Everything come, everything go.
512
00:25:36,033 --> 00:25:38,866
But always there.
513
00:25:38,933 --> 00:25:40,733
Moonah.
514
00:25:42,966 --> 00:25:46,533
PAT: The only thing that's been here as long as you have.
515
00:25:59,433 --> 00:26:01,233
MARY: Several of cubs.
516
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:04,266
ALISON: Getting closer. PAT: Knock-knock.
517
00:26:04,333 --> 00:26:06,266
I say that cause I can't--
518
00:26:06,333 --> 00:26:09,833
I just wanted to say sorry for what happened at dinner.
519
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:11,866
From all of us.
520
00:26:11,933 --> 00:26:13,900
Well, mainly from me, because Julian can take or leave you,
521
00:26:13,966 --> 00:26:15,700
and Lady Button's not keen, and as for the Captain, well--
522
00:26:15,766 --> 00:26:17,600
ALISON: Pat, it's fine.
523
00:26:17,666 --> 00:26:21,200
I mean, well, no, it isn't. But we'll muddle through.
524
00:26:21,266 --> 00:26:23,033
MARY: Eight of hearts.
525
00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:25,233
ALISON: Yeah. PAT: Yeah.
526
00:26:25,300 --> 00:26:28,433
In that spirit, so to speak,
527
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:32,266
I actually had a little favor I wanted to ask.
528
00:26:32,333 --> 00:26:34,800
It's for Robin.
529
00:26:39,833 --> 00:26:42,933
MIKE: Right, so, are you going to get the ghosts or--
530
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,766
ALISON: They're here.
531
00:26:44,833 --> 00:26:47,766
PAT: We might've missed the ritual this year, but--
532
00:26:47,833 --> 00:26:51,333
Well, to old friends.
533
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,400
ALL: To old friends. ROBIN: Old friends.
534
00:26:53,466 --> 00:26:55,766
JULIAN: God, I miss booze.
535
00:26:57,266 --> 00:27:00,766
CAPTAIN: Robin, light pollution.
536
00:27:00,833 --> 00:27:04,866
ROBIN: Oh, yeah. [groans]
537
00:27:11,366 --> 00:27:13,466
THOMAS: Pray tell...
538
00:27:13,533 --> 00:27:14,833
[Imitating Joey Tribbiani] How you doin'?
539
00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:16,133
ALISON: Oh, don't.
40995
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