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[cereal crackles]
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PAT: Can you hear them? KITTY: Oh, yes.
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PAT: Snap, crackle and pop.
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MARY: They sounds like tiny people.
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[bubbles] "Help me, I can't swim!"
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ALISON: Guys, do you mind?
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MIKE: What are they doing?
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ALISON: Talking about the cereal.
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[grunting]
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ROBIN: Red man! Red man!
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ALISON: Postman's coming. MIKE: How do you...? Oh!
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KITTY: I'll go with you.
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♪ Friends together Fetch the post together... ♪
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MIKE: Cornflakes were actually invented
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to stop people from touching themselves, apparently.
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JULIAN: Never did like cornflakes.
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THOMAS: Give me an egg atop a cutlet any day of the diary.
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[toaster pops] Ooh!
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JULIAN: Toaster. THOMAS: Yes, I know, I wasn't scared.
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KITTY: ♪ Let me Read the post... ♪
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It's so exciting reading one's correspondences.
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I bet these are from all your admirers.
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I promise I won't tell Michael! MIKE: Anything interesting?
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ALISON: Red bill, red bill. Oh, normal bill.
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MIKE: Ooh! GHOSTS: Ooh!
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ALISON: They're looking for a house to film a new drama in.
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GHOSTS: [gasp]
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MIKE: I smell money!
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MARY: You can eat them now. ALISON: What?
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MARY: They have stopped calling out. They are dead.
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ALISON: Yeah, I mean, it really is an incredible place.
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The building itself is 15th-century.
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DIRECTOR: Wow. ALISON: 1469, to be precise.
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FANNY: Very good. But the facade is actually mid-16th.
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ALISON: But the facade is actually mid-16th.
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FANNY: 'Tis the finest house in the county.
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Tell her it's the finest house in the county.
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ALISON: I don't want to...
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blow our own trumpet,
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but some people say that it is the finest house in the county.
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Shall we go inside?
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CAPTAIN: I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.
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Actors lounging about the house,
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learning lines, wearing make-up,
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prancing about the place in loincloths, topless, oiled up.
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Kissing each other probably. KITTY: Oh, gosh!
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PAT: I don't think it's that kind of film, mate!
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ALISON: This was the banqueting hall.
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DIRECTOR: Great space. ROBIN: Boo!
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ALISON: [screams]
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Oh, I forgot to take out the bins.
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Anyway, what could I tell you about this room?
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FANNY: Henry VIII actually dined here.
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ALISON: Wow! Henry VIII actually dined here.
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Sorry, did I say "wow"? I'm just still amazed by that.
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DIRECTOR: No, it is wow. FANNY: Yeah.
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HUMPHREY: Yeah, you should've seen the banquet. He had swan.
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ALISON: He had swan. HUMPHREY: And hog.
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ALISON: And hog. HUMPHREY: And dumplings, And figs.
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ALISON: And figs. HUMPHREY: Absolutely stank out the privy.
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ALISON: And absolutely loved the place.
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Absolutely loved it. As do we!
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MIKE: Hmm. Shall we move on?
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HUMPHREY: UH, give us a lift? Mate?
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THOMAS: OK. HUMPHREY: Thank you. Yay!
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MIKE: What's the program, then? DIRECTOR: It's a period drama.
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MIKE: Oh, what period? FANNY: Stuart!
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HUMPHREY: Tudor! THOMAS: Regency!
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DIRECTOR: Regency. THOMAS: Yes!
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Sorry! Got carried away!
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HUMPHREY: Oh, there you are!
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Are you a sight for sore--? Oh, you are kidding me?
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When I have control of the hands,
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I am gonna punch you so hard.
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DIRECTOR: I think this place is perfect, if you'd be willing
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to have us here for a couple of months.
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ALISON: How much would you be offering?
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DIRECTOR: 3,000. MIKE: We'd have to sleep on it.
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DIRECTOR: 3,000 a day is the most we can offer. MIKE: A day?
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ALISON: [snores] Morning! I've just slept on it and I say yes!
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MIKE: And it's a yes from me! DIRECTOR: Great!
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Just to warn you, though, it is quite intrusive.
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Lots of personnel. PAT: Sounds fun.
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DIRECTOR: It can feel a bit like you're not welcome in your own home.
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FANNY: Absolutely outrageous. ALISON: We're used to that.
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MIKE: We've had building work going on.
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DIRECTOR: Is there anything structural we should know about?
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MIKE: Well, the floor in this room... ALISON: No, no, no!
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No, nothing structural.
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Everything's structurally sound as a pound!
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[stomps and timber creaks]
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DIRECTOR: We were looking at a property in the next village,
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but they're a big family
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and they had some issues about which rooms we could use.
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ALISON: Well, we're easy. You can film wherever you like, when you like.
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MIKE: 'Cos it's just the two of us.
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ALISON: Yeah...
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CAPTAIN: Oh, here they come. The riff-raff.
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The lags. This will be chaos.
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MAN: Morning. Mind your backs!
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ADAM: ADs on channel 2, please.
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MARY: Well, I'm keeping out of it.
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SEE: Yes, though I might just, uh...check.
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[clears throat]
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Um...
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PAT: Oh, that looks absolutely lovely, that, doesn't it?
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You going to put an egg on it? He's put an egg on it!
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[chuckles]
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WOMAN: Can I have some veggie sausages, please?
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On a roll. PAT: No, no, disgusting.
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MIKE: You be beautiful wigs that I ever did s...
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[retches]
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WOMAN 2: Have you left your tongs on, Tina?
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THOMAS: Is this meant to be 1820s?
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Those are Rococo chairs and tables.
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You can tell by the legs. They're Rococo legs.
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ADAM: Hi, I'm Adam, I'm the first assistant director.
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ALISON: Nice to meet you, hi. MIKE: Hi. Mike.
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ADAM: Sorry... What do you mean he's still in make-up?
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MIKE: We're not meant to have more than 15 people on this floor,
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and some of these things weigh as much as people, so that's...
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ALISON: It'll be fine. I'm sure that's an exaggeration.
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MIKE: But the survey said-- ALISON: The survey also said
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that we need to replace the drains, and we need this money to do that.
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There aren't that many people, anyway.
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As long as there isn't anything that's too heavy.
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MAN: Mind your backs!
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ALISON OK! You can store this in the other room, actually.
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It's easier for you then, isn't it?
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Just keep things a bit more uncluttered in here.
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The room just to the left. MAN: Can we just--?
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ROBIN: Little horse go clippy-clippy-clop.
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JULIAN: Oh, I see. Oh, hey!
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ROBIN: No! JULIAN: What's your business!
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ROBIN: Oh, you done it now, man.
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JULIAN: I suppose we should call it a day--
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Hello to you, sir!
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[chuckles]
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The gee-gees, come on, then. Let's have a bit of this.
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Come on.
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[grunts] OK.
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ADAM: That's an arrival on Toby. Just stepping out of the car.
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ALISON: Oh, my God. KITTY: Who is that?
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ALISON: Toby Nightingale.
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KITTY: He is-- ALISON: Hot, right?
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KITTY: It's certainly a lot of layers.
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THOMAS: No, Kitty, she means to say she's in love with him.
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A knife in my heart!
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KITTY: Look at all his servants.
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THOMAS: He looks preposterous.
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MIKE: 9, 10... He counts as two.
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What are you...?
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Ah.
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Oh, no. ADAM: Everything OK?
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MIKE: No. Yeah. Everything's fine.
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It's just Toby Nightingale, that's her free pass.
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ADAM: Free pass? Oh, right!
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Don't let him hear that.
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MIKE: Yeah, I won't. I definitely won't.
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THOMAS: Julian! I say, Julian!
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JULIAN: What do you want? I'm terribly busy.
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THOMAS: You wouldn't happen to know what a "free pass" means?
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- Something Michael said.
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JULIAN: Oh, yes. Samantha Fox was mine.
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I do hope she's still modeling. Very talented lady.
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THOMAS: Alison's is this actor fellow. What does it mean?
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JULIAN: Well, it's a sort of clause in a marriage contract,
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a named exception to the rule of monogamy.
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Sometimes there's a whole list of people
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with whom one can enter into congress without consequences.
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THOMAS: My God! JULIAN: Margot had 3 of the Gladiators on her list.
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Wolf, Cobra, and John Fashanu.
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THOMAS: You mean to say that this player, this minstrel,
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is allowed to bed fair Alison?
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JULIAN: He's her free pass.
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CREW MEMBER: I'll start here, and I think I'm going to approach...
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MARY: What are they feeding the metal cow?
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PAT: Oh! No, that's not a cow, Mary, no.
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That's called a camera. Yes.
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They're just cleaning the lens.
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MARY: That its mouth?
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PAT: No, no, no. That's its, um, eye.
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ADAM: OK, checks are happy.
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MARY: What does that mean?
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PAT: I thought you weren't interested?
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CAPTAIN: What? No, no, no, I just wanted to, you know?
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ADAM: Can we clear the frame now?
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First positions. Call for quiet.
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ASSISTANT: Quiet on set, please! CAPTAIN: That's extraordinary.
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ADAM: Camera set?
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MIKE: Huh! Getting a good look, are we?
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ADAM: Quiet! ALISON: Uh?
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THOMAS: Alison! ALISON: Shush.
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THOMAS: A word, if you please. ALISON: [shushes]
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THOMAS: Is it true that--? ALISON: Shush...
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Everyone.
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ADAM: Thank you.
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And action! CAPTAIN: Oh, that's very good.
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ACTRESS: They've left for London.
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It's a pity that such a sweet girl
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should have such low connections.
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MARY: Oh! She's a fancy flapjack.
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TOBY: Perhaps you are too harsh on your sex, Miss Jane.
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In truth, you have not had experience of all of society.
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I am beginning to believe that this severity
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is born from other distractions.
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[timber creaks]
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Do you find yourself distracted, Miss Jane?
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ACTRESS: My lord.
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KITTY: Kiss him!
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ACTOR: [clears throat] What is it?
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TOBY: Damn you! KITTY: What is it? Damn you!
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ACTOR: A letter for you, Lord Byron, sir.
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THOMAS: Byron? ADAM: Cut!
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MARY: Cut what? Oh, not my lace! THOMAS: Byron? Did he say Byron?
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KITTY: Isn't he going to read the letter?
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CAPTAIN: I'm sure Adam knows what he's doing.
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MIKE: That's one out, 3 in. ALISON: 4.
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MIKE: God, they're everywhere! THOMAS: This is about Byron?
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PAT: Well, yeah, I mean, the clue is in the title, mate.
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THOMAS: [gasps]
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What effrontery is this? I cannot and will not bear it!
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DIRECTOR: Can we take that key light up a little?
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ROBIN: Oh... You do light.
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[chuckles]
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MIKE: He's smaller in real life, isn't he? ALISON: Taller, if anything.
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KITTY: I wish I could see his calves.
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I bet he's got lovely calves.
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TOBY: Well, I thought that was rather good. TECH: No good for me.
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It sounds like there's a radio on somewhere.
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ADAM: Can we find out where--? ALISON: I'm on it.
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TECH: I can also hear a wood pigeon.
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ALISON: Yeah, good luck with that one, mate.
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TECH: What's up after this one?
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HARRY: We're in the bedroom for the sex scene.
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KITTY: Oh, my!
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ANNOUNCER: He's a cheeky horse.
238
00:11:17,133 --> 00:11:19,133
JULIAN: Oh.
239
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:21,000
ALISON: Sorry, Julian, they can hear it on set.
240
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,466
JULIAN: No, actually, this is important, I need to--
241
00:11:22,666 --> 00:11:24,466
Don't do that! I've got a bet on.
242
00:11:24,666 --> 00:11:26,633
ALISON: You've got a bet on? JULIAN: That's what I said.
243
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:28,733
-You can't bet, you're dead. -All right, don't rub it in.
244
00:11:28,933 --> 00:11:30,833
It's a sportsman's bet with myself.
245
00:11:31,033 --> 00:11:35,233
Ooh, hold on a minute. You could put a bet on for me.
246
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,100
ALISON: You haven't got any money, you're...
247
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:38,766
JULIAN: Dead! I know, you just said that, I get it!
248
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:40,366
But you could keep my winnings,
249
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,633
maybe buy yourself a pretty little dress.
250
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:45,433
Perhaps some make-up. Make yourself look nice.
251
00:11:45,633 --> 00:11:49,200
I really believe you have it in you, Alison.
252
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,233
Just need a bit of help, that's all.
253
00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:52,800
ALISON: Wow. JULIAN: You're welcome.
254
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,266
ALISON: Just keep the radio off, please.
255
00:11:54,466 --> 00:11:58,200
JULIAN: Will do! Mystery Queen 10 to 1!
256
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,500
[grunts]
257
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:04,000
ALISON: Sorted. ADAM: Thank you. OK!
258
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,600
TECH: I can hear the radio again. ALISON: One sec!
259
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,533
ANNOUNCER: Something was... ALISON: I told you to turn it off.
260
00:12:10,733 --> 00:12:13,966
JULIAN: No, actually, no, you didn't. You said--Uh! Hold on a moment!
261
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,900
This is my house, too. I have a right to the amenities.
262
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:20,933
JULIAN: This is an infringement of my-- ALISON: Write to your MP!
263
00:12:21,133 --> 00:12:23,000
JULIAN: She got me there.
264
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:27,533
ALISON: Sorry about that. It won't happen again now.
265
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:29,266
ADAM: OK.
266
00:12:29,466 --> 00:12:31,033
Let's not get behind. First positions, please!
267
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:33,033
CAPTAIN: That's it, Adam, call them to order!
268
00:12:33,233 --> 00:12:36,000
TECH: Sound speed. CAPTAIN: Here we go, stand by! Settle.
269
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,866
ADAM: And action! CAPTAIN: Action.
270
00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:40,066
ACTRESS: They've left for London.
271
00:12:40,266 --> 00:12:42,466
It's a pity that such a sweet girl
272
00:12:42,666 --> 00:12:44,333
should have such low connections.
273
00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,500
MARY: She said that before. PAT: Yes, that's because--
274
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,333
CAPTAIN: Please, Pat. We're turning.
275
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:52,300
TOBY: Perhaps you are too harsh on your sex, Miss Jane.
276
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:56,566
In truth you have not had experience of all of society.
277
00:12:59,266 --> 00:13:02,200
I am beginning to believe that this severity
278
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,633
is born of other distractions.
279
00:13:04,833 --> 00:13:06,500
[timber creaks]
280
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:10,266
Do you find yourself distracted, Miss Jane?
281
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:15,433
CAPTAIN: Robin! ALISON: For God's sake!
282
00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:21,900
Sorry. It was just a really good take, wasn't it?
283
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,333
ADAM: Harry!
284
00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:26,366
HARRY: Sorry, I don't know why that happened. I'll sort it.
285
00:13:26,566 --> 00:13:29,000
ADAM: OK, let's cut and reset as quickly as possible, please.
286
00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:31,433
DIRECTOR: No, we don't have time. We'll just use the beginning of that one.
287
00:13:31,633 --> 00:13:33,266
Let's move on before we lose the day.
288
00:13:33,466 --> 00:13:35,566
ADAM: OK, moving on! Set up for the next shot, please.
289
00:13:35,766 --> 00:13:37,800
CAPTAIN: Moving on, please, everyone, moving on.
290
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,700
DIRECTOR: Can I take a look at playback, please?
291
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,533
MARY: 'Tis witchcraft.
292
00:13:43,733 --> 00:13:45,500
Their souls be captured in the window.
293
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,833
PAT: Oh, no, no, no. It's all being recorded
294
00:13:48,033 --> 00:13:50,700
onto a video cassette.
295
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,900
MARY: But how are they cleft in twain?
296
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,733
They be there and there.
297
00:13:55,933 --> 00:13:58,566
PAT: What?
298
00:13:58,766 --> 00:14:03,766
[loud thud] MIKE: Oh, God.
299
00:14:03,966 --> 00:14:07,266
ALISON: Um...sorry if I distracted you there.
300
00:14:07,466 --> 00:14:10,466
TOBY: Oh, I didn't notice. I was completely in the scene.
301
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:12,033
ALISON: Great.
302
00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:14,066
TOBY: We haven't met, have we?
303
00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:16,900
I'm Toby. ALISON: I--I--I'm Alison.
304
00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:19,233
Can I just say how good I thought you were
305
00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:20,533
in "The Shoe Shiner"?
306
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:22,833
TOBY: Fire away.
307
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:25,900
ALISON: Oh, uh, yeah. I just thought you were so good.
308
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,133
It's actually one of my favorite films.
309
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:29,933
MIKE: I'm Mike.
310
00:14:30,166 --> 00:14:31,733
ALISON: I completely believed that you were blind.
311
00:14:31,933 --> 00:14:34,733
TOBY: Thanks. I spent a week at a hotel for the blind.
312
00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:37,033
Wore a blindfold, really got to know the condition.
313
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:39,366
One of the most rewarding times of my life.
314
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:44,066
ALISON: Wow. TOBY: I tell you what, food never tasted so good.
315
00:14:44,266 --> 00:14:46,233
Now I always eat with my eyes closed.
316
00:14:46,433 --> 00:14:48,066
GAFFER: Mind your backs, please!
317
00:14:48,266 --> 00:14:50,200
MIKE: Whoa.
318
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,100
Excuse me, Toby. TOBY: No problem.
319
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:54,700
Nice to meet you, Abigail.
320
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:56,833
ALISON: It's-- It's Alison.
321
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,700
MIKE: That looks really heavy. Shall we just come clean?
322
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:00,666
ALISON: What, and tell them that they're working on a death trap?
323
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:03,300
Look, if you go outside, that's one less.
324
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,533
MIKE: Both of us.
325
00:15:07,733 --> 00:15:09,866
ALISON: Fine.
326
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:21,833
Curses!
327
00:15:22,033 --> 00:15:25,900
A pox on all of them apart from Alison.
328
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:29,433
Finally!
329
00:15:29,633 --> 00:15:32,966
Come to coax me back, have you? It's no use!
330
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:36,133
Nothing will persuade me to-- Oh, it's you.
331
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:39,933
Go and get Alis-- Oh, he can't hear me.
332
00:15:40,133 --> 00:15:41,633
ADAM: Harry, can you hurry with that light, please?
333
00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:45,733
PAT: So the metal cow remembers what it sees...
334
00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:48,000
MARY: Through its one eye?
335
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,833
PAT: Yeah, and it sends the memories through the cables...
336
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,766
MARY: Worms. PAT: Worms, if you like.
337
00:15:51,966 --> 00:15:53,700
To the little window.
338
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:57,800
MARY: Where the tiny peoples dance the memories.
339
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,400
PAT: Yeah, if you like.
340
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,633
ROBIN: Oh! Come to dadda.
341
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:04,066
HARRY: There we go, that's all good.
342
00:16:04,266 --> 00:16:06,466
ROBIN: [grunts]
343
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,533
[grunts]
344
00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:12,200
HARRY: Seems to be all right now.
345
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,433
ADAM: Thanks, Harry. just one more, from the top.
346
00:16:15,633 --> 00:16:18,200
KITTY: I thought they were moving on? When are they moving on?
347
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,200
PAT: Oh, they do lots of different camera angles. KITTY: How many?
348
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,266
CAPTAIN: Quiet on set, please! ADAM: Quiet on set, please.
349
00:16:24,466 --> 00:16:25,766
MAN: Turning over. TECH: Sound speed.
350
00:16:25,966 --> 00:16:27,833
ADAM: And action! CAPTAIN: Action.
351
00:16:28,033 --> 00:16:29,900
ACTRESS: They've left for London.
352
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:32,033
ACTRESS: It's a pity... CAPTAIN: Stand aside, Thorne!
353
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,333
THOMAS: You really want to know what vexed me? GHOSTS: No!
354
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,033
THOMAS: Fine, I'll tell you. CAPTAIN: [sighs]
355
00:16:36,233 --> 00:16:39,266
THOMAS: Lord Byron was my greatest foe.
356
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:42,433
If I had flesh and this were Byron himself,
357
00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:45,400
I would damn well run him through!
358
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:49,633
He stole my verse, my destiny,
359
00:16:49,833 --> 00:16:53,200
and now he is to steal the woman of my dreams!
360
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,400
KITTY: You say every woman is the woman of your dreams.
361
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,666
THOMAS: I have a lot of dreams! And most of them are about women...
362
00:16:58,866 --> 00:17:02,000
Apart from the one where I have the body of a crab.
363
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,033
ACTOR: [clears throat] TOBY: What is it? Damn you!
364
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,900
ACTOR: Begging your pardon. A letter for you, Lord Byron, sir.
365
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:12,633
THOMAS: I will not tolerate this sordid pantomime in my house.
366
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:17,633
Glorifying this charlatan! This cad!
367
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:20,400
This wazzock! [gasps]
368
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,866
KITTY: What's a wazzock? THOMAS: Pat says it!
369
00:17:24,066 --> 00:17:28,033
I'm going to drown myself in the lake.
370
00:17:28,233 --> 00:17:30,433
I mean it!
371
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,100
ADAM: Cut! CAPTAIN: Cut there!
372
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:33,700
ADAM: Right, we're going to take a couple of minutes,
373
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:35,233
just to turn things around for the reverse.
374
00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:37,033
Actors, you can relax yourselves off.
375
00:17:37,233 --> 00:17:38,633
CAPTAIN: Right, that's two minutes, people,
376
00:17:38,833 --> 00:17:40,833
and then we're going to turn it round.
377
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:44,500
Thank you very much. God, this is good.
378
00:17:48,533 --> 00:17:49,933
TOBY: Oh, hey, Abigail. ALISON: Oh, it's Alis--
379
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:51,633
TOBY: I wonder if I could ask you a favor.
380
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:53,900
I've got this scene later, I need to run the lines.
381
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,000
I didn't want to ask her, because I find it can stifle spontaneity,
382
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,200
and I want to keep it fresh and beautiful.
383
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,066
I'm Lord Byron, obviously. ALISON: Yep.
384
00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:02,433
TOBY: I've thought of nothing but you all day.
385
00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:04,866
ALISON: Have you? Oh...
386
00:18:05,066 --> 00:18:06,766
TOBY: No, that's the scene, that's the first line.
387
00:18:06,966 --> 00:18:09,566
ALISON: Oh, oh! Oh! Of course!
388
00:18:09,766 --> 00:18:11,900
Why would you...? That's...OK!
389
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:14,900
TOBY: I've thought of nothing but you all day. ALISON: Uh-huh.
390
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:16,666
TOBY: Do not deny your feelings.
391
00:18:16,866 --> 00:18:18,300
ALISON: I do not. FANNY: Alison?
392
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:20,466
TOBY: Oh, my heart.
393
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:23,500
First, I will kiss your lips. FANNY: [gasps]
394
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,600
TOBY: Then I will undress you. And then...
395
00:18:31,666 --> 00:18:34,566
And then...
396
00:19:05,333 --> 00:19:07,566
Squares!
397
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,866
[toilet flushes]
398
00:19:18,266 --> 00:19:20,800
[radio playing] Ha! Bingo!
399
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:22,866
DIRECTOR: Can we have some music on, please, Cathy?
400
00:19:23,066 --> 00:19:27,233
CATHY: My bus, my rules! I've got 20 quid on this!
401
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,600
JULIAN: Ah, yes. [chuckles]
402
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,133
FANNY: You are on a sinful path.
403
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,233
ALISON: I can't talk about this now. It's not what you think it is.
404
00:19:35,433 --> 00:19:37,966
FANNY: Oh, I know all about this so-called free pass.
405
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:41,233
Your husband may be satisfied, but, I tell you, I am not.
406
00:19:41,433 --> 00:19:43,833
The marriage vows are sacred, and I will not have you
407
00:19:44,033 --> 00:19:46,700
sullying the good name of this family
408
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:49,000
with your wanton debauchery!
409
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:50,866
ALISON: [sighs]
410
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,100
MIKE: Hey! ALISON: Hi!
411
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:06,600
MIKE: How's it going?
412
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,300
ALISON: What are you wearing? MIKE: Oh, I thought I'd go for a run.
413
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,433
ALISON: Now? You don't run. TOBY: Hey, going for a run?
414
00:20:10,633 --> 00:20:12,800
MIKE: Yeah, I like to keep in shape.
415
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,333
TOBY: What are we talking? 5K?
416
00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:16,233
MIKE: [snorts] 10...at least.
417
00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:19,000
TOBY: Cool. I'm actually in training for my next project.
418
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,466
I'm playing a mountain climber, so I'm mainly focusing on upper-body strength.
419
00:20:21,666 --> 00:20:25,133
MIKE: Yeah? Me--me, too.
420
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,833
One--
421
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,833
Why is that--?
422
00:20:30,033 --> 00:20:32,033
ALISON: Are you actually going up a real-life mountain?
423
00:20:32,233 --> 00:20:34,166
TOBY: Of course. ALISON: Mike couldn't do that.
424
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,033
He's scared of heights. MIKE: I wouldn't say scared.
425
00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:40,533
TOBY: I love them, if anything. Don't faze me at all.
426
00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:43,466
ADAM: OK, back on in 5, everyone!
427
00:20:43,666 --> 00:20:46,400
MIKE: OK, well, I'd better get going.
428
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,766
Keep an eye on the floor, yeah?
429
00:20:48,966 --> 00:20:51,666
ALISON: Enjoy your 10K.
430
00:20:51,866 --> 00:20:55,200
Oh, my God. How much does that thing weigh?
431
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,533
GAFFER: Watch yourself, coming through.
432
00:20:57,733 --> 00:21:00,333
ALISON: Where have all these people come from? There's twice as many.
433
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:06,433
ROBIN: [grunts and chuckles]
434
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,033
In your face!
435
00:21:09,233 --> 00:21:11,433
CAPTAIN: Robin! What the bloody hell do you think you're playing at?
436
00:21:11,633 --> 00:21:13,566
ROBIN: Bigger boy made me do it. CAPTAIN: No! It's nonsense, and you know it!
437
00:21:13,766 --> 00:21:16,733
MARY: Yeah, I just think it's a shame we're not just pushing in
438
00:21:16,933 --> 00:21:18,966
for that moment there, just to capture the emotion.
439
00:21:19,166 --> 00:21:21,233
PAT: Well, I'm sure they know what they're doing, Mary.
440
00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:22,966
DIRECTOR: Will, can you just push in a little? Just get the emotion.
441
00:21:23,166 --> 00:21:25,566
WILL: Yeah, sure. PAT: Well done, Mary!
442
00:21:25,766 --> 00:21:28,866
KITTY: [sighs] This is taking for ever.
443
00:21:32,466 --> 00:21:34,866
MIKE: [pants]
444
00:21:43,566 --> 00:21:45,766
That's probably about 10K.
445
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,433
Little short cut.
446
00:21:59,900 --> 00:22:01,400
Oh... Why is that?
447
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,633
BOTH: First positions.
448
00:22:03,833 --> 00:22:06,866
ADAM: Thanks for your patience, everyone. This is the last set-up.
449
00:22:07,066 --> 00:22:10,433
Toby. Toby.
450
00:22:12,133 --> 00:22:14,066
Lord Byron? TOBY: Yes?
451
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:16,433
ADAM: First positions.
452
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,800
DIRECTOR: Turning. TECH: Sound speed!
453
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,300
ADAM: And action. CAPTAIN: Action.
454
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:26,033
ACTRESS: They've left for London.
455
00:22:26,233 --> 00:22:29,200
[creaking]
456
00:22:31,166 --> 00:22:35,733
TOBY: In truth, you have not had experience of all of society.
457
00:22:35,933 --> 00:22:38,466
I am beginning to believe that this severity
458
00:22:38,666 --> 00:22:42,666
is born from other distractions.
459
00:22:42,866 --> 00:22:46,500
[creaking]
460
00:22:52,166 --> 00:22:57,433
Do you find yourself distracted, Miss Jane?
461
00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:08,400
ACTRESS: My lord.
462
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,833
DIRECTOR: And cut! ADAM: Scene complete.
463
00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:16,300
ALISON: [sigh]
464
00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,500
MIKE: That should hold it.
465
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:20,833
CAPTAIN: Jolly good. Excellent work, everybody. Thank you.
466
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,333
MARY: Thank you so much for your hard work today, everyone.
467
00:23:23,533 --> 00:23:26,333
It does not go unnoticed. Lovely working with you, thank you.
468
00:23:26,533 --> 00:23:29,400
ALISON: Thank God. KITTY: I thought they were never going to finish.
469
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,433
ADAM: Moving on to the bedroom.
470
00:23:31,633 --> 00:23:34,466
Closed set, just essential crew, please, 'cos there'll be nudity.
471
00:23:34,666 --> 00:23:36,666
KITTY: I hope he has a hairy chest.
472
00:23:36,866 --> 00:23:38,900
CAPTAIN: Good Lord. [clears throat]
473
00:23:39,100 --> 00:23:43,333
OK, it's a closed set. There will be intercourse, apparently.
474
00:23:43,533 --> 00:23:45,200
RADIO: Next up, it's the main event of the day.
475
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,833
This is the big one, the King Henry Stakes.
476
00:23:48,033 --> 00:23:50,766
As the riders line up, the atmosphere here is absolutely electric.
477
00:23:50,966 --> 00:23:53,766
JULIAN: Here we go! Fingers-fingers!
478
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:55,700
CAPTAIN: There you are, Harry, straight through, yep.
479
00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:57,100
First door on the right, thank you.
480
00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:58,700
No, no, thank you.
481
00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:00,366
You heard Adam. It's a closed set.
482
00:24:00,566 --> 00:24:03,000
Essential crew only. Especially not you, Robin!
483
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,766
ROBIN: I'll be good. PAT: There's no harm in it. They can't see us, mate.
484
00:24:05,966 --> 00:24:08,033
MARY: Yeah, we're ghosts, you warty old crunk.
485
00:24:08,233 --> 00:24:10,166
CAPTAIN: That is beside the point.
486
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:12,666
Rules are rules, and young Adam deserves our every respect.
487
00:24:12,866 --> 00:24:15,300
ADAM: OK, if everyone's happy. Let's clear the room.
488
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:18,633
ROBIN: [grunts] TOBY: [blows lips] Mah!
489
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:20,833
CAPTAIN: Good Lord. TOBY: [yells]
490
00:24:21,033 --> 00:24:24,233
ROBIN: Why he do rain dance? MARY: The Devil plays with his strings!
491
00:24:24,433 --> 00:24:28,100
PAT: Oh, no, no, no, no. He's getting himself in the zone.
492
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:29,900
CAPTAIN: Oh...
493
00:24:31,933 --> 00:24:33,600
KITTY: [giggles]
494
00:24:35,966 --> 00:24:37,400
MIKE: Fixed it!
495
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:41,966
ALISON: Oh, great! Before or after the 10K?
496
00:24:42,166 --> 00:24:45,000
MIKE: Where's your free pass? ALISON: Are you...
497
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:47,300
You're not actually jealous?
498
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:51,866
MIKE: No. But, I mean, he is handsome.
499
00:24:56,500 --> 00:25:00,166
ADAM: And...action.
500
00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:04,000
CAPTAIN: No, thank you!
501
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,533
TOBY: I've thought of nothing but you all day.
502
00:25:09,233 --> 00:25:11,533
KITTY: Yes!
503
00:25:11,733 --> 00:25:12,766
FANNY: What are you all doing here? PAT: We're not allowed in.
504
00:25:12,966 --> 00:25:15,333
They're making love. FANNY: What?!
505
00:25:15,533 --> 00:25:18,000
CAPTAIN: No, no, no, Fanny, no! No, Fanny!
506
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,000
RADIO: Bradley's Misdemeanor challenged by the outsider, Mystery Queen.
507
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,800
CATHY: Come on, Bradley! JULIAN: Come on, Mystery Queen!
508
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,533
FANNY: [gasps] Alison!
509
00:25:25,733 --> 00:25:30,500
TOBY: First, I will kiss you-- [screams]
510
00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:32,500
RADIO: Mystery Queen on the nearside... BOTH: Come on!
511
00:25:32,700 --> 00:25:35,266
TOBY: Help! I can't pull myself up.
512
00:25:35,466 --> 00:25:36,800
BOTH: Come on!
513
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,866
TOBY: [shrieking] MIKE: Stop kicking!
514
00:25:38,933 --> 00:25:40,600
BOTH: Come on!
515
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,466
[electricity zaps] [screams]
516
00:25:42,666 --> 00:25:44,733
[radio turns off] JULIAN: Oh, come on!
517
00:25:44,933 --> 00:25:47,433
CAPTAIN: Robin! ROBIN: What? It wasn't me!
518
00:25:47,633 --> 00:25:49,466
TOBY: Have you got me? Have you got me?
519
00:25:49,666 --> 00:25:50,800
MIKE: Let yourself down. Slowly.
520
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,766
TOBY: Have you got--?
521
00:25:52,966 --> 00:25:56,066
Oh, God. Oh, God.
522
00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:58,433
MIKE: You're fine now. You're all right now.
523
00:25:58,633 --> 00:26:01,866
Can we--? All right.
524
00:26:04,733 --> 00:26:06,100
ADAM: Someone get a medic in here.
525
00:26:06,300 --> 00:26:07,900
ADAM: Toby, are you OK? TOBY: No, I'm not.
526
00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:10,600
I could've died, and then where would you be?
527
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:12,600
ALISON: Where did you get that from?
528
00:26:14,733 --> 00:26:17,400
MIKE: I think you know.
529
00:26:22,633 --> 00:26:24,000
CAPTAIN: That's a terrible shame.
530
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:25,833
ALISON: I thought you didn't want them here?
531
00:26:26,033 --> 00:26:28,300
CAPTAIN: Not for me, for you. The money and so on.
532
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,400
I shan't miss him--them!
533
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,500
MARY: 'Tis back to boredom, I suppose.
534
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:36,766
ROBIN: Oh, never bored with chess board.
535
00:26:36,966 --> 00:26:40,533
FANNY: Well, I think it quite the best to be free from distractions.
536
00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:42,500
ALISON: You do know that free pass thing's a joke?
537
00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:44,000
JULIAN: Wasn't in my marriage.
538
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,700
MIKE: Goodbye, £96,000. ALISON: Yeah...
539
00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:50,133
Well, at least we won £100.
540
00:26:50,333 --> 00:26:52,733
Mystery Queen. I got a tip from a ghost.
541
00:26:52,933 --> 00:26:54,466
MIKE: That's how we can make money!
542
00:26:54,666 --> 00:26:56,166
ALISON: No, they're-- they're ghosts, Mike.
543
00:26:56,366 --> 00:26:59,500
I think you're thinking of time-travelers.
544
00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:00,766
MIKE: Oh...
545
00:27:00,966 --> 00:27:02,500
Yeah, but-- ALISON: No.
546
00:27:02,700 --> 00:27:03,866
KITTY: Well, Thomas will be glad they've gone.
547
00:27:04,066 --> 00:27:07,633
PAT: Yeah, perhaps someone should tell him.
548
00:27:09,966 --> 00:27:13,133
CAPTAIN: Come on, Pat. Chop-chop!
549
00:27:24,666 --> 00:27:27,166
THOMAS: [sighs]
43245
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