Original subtitles

[traditional music playing]

[people clapping, cheering]

[people continue cheering]

[music fading]

[music intensifies]

["Male Stripper" by Man2Man plays] ♪ Ladies night Adonis ♪

♪ Working after hours ♪

♪ Ripples on my chest Never got a nights rest ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ A modern day Jack ♪

♪ A jock with an act ♪

♪ Hey, Lolita, touch me Squeeze me, ooh… ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ Ah! ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪ ♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ Built like a truck ♪

♪ I'd bump for a buck ♪

♪ Tips in my G-string made my living ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ In hot cop drag ♪

♪ In another man's stag ♪

♪ Dressed to tease ‘em Strip to sleaze 'em ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ Strip for me, babe ♪

♪ Strip for you ♪

♪ Strip for me 'cause I want you to ♪

♪ Strip for me, babe ♪

♪ Strip for you ♪

♪ Strip for me 'cause I want you to ♪

♪ Ladies night Adonis ♪

♪ Working after hours ♪

♪ Ripples on my chest, Never got a nights rest ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ A modern day Jack, A jock with an act ♪

♪ Hey, Lolita, touch me, squeeze me ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

[key change] ♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ And built like a truck ♪

♪ I'd bump for a buck ♪

♪ Tips in my G-string made my living ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ In hot cop drag ♪

♪ In another man's stag ♪

♪ Dressed to tease ‘em Strip to please 'em ♪

♪ I was a male stripper in a go-go bar I was a male stripper in a go-go bar ♪

♪ Strip for me, babe. Strip for you ♪

♪ Strip for me 'cause I want you to ♪

♪ Strip for me, babe ♪

♪ Strip for you ♪

♪ Strip for me 'cause I want you to ♪

♪ Strip for me, babe. Strip for you ♪

♪ Strip for me 'cause I want you to ♪

♪ Strip for me, babe. Strip for you ♪

♪ Strip for me 'cause I want you to ♪

What’d ya think?

[music continues]

What the hell DB?

I thought you said you liked the TikTok idea!

I do. I Googled it.

More people watch TikTok than YouTube.

We're gonna livestream your death on it.

You're not gonna do my dance?

Director Bustard, I can be much better.

I nearly got cast as Gavroche

in a dance-version of Les Mis at the Old Fitz.

Yeah, and Phil Choi is really good with rhythm,

it's just he got shot in the dick.

Wasn't the dick.

It wasn't, sir. It was his ass.

- It wasn’t his ass! - We're not doing dancing!

We're going to drown you.

Let's see how many people want to see that.

Hey, hey! I think we are getting just a little

far away from the plan, DB, you know?

Redemption, bravery, famous heroes.

People do wanna see that.

They do wanna see--

Your country sent someone here to kill you, not save you.

It's time to face it!

Nobody wants to hear your story, or ours.

Nobody cares!

[woman] I do.

[triumphant music plays]

What are you doing here?

I'm here for you.

- Me? - Mm-hm.

I wanna know about you.

The world wants to know about you.

You and your story.

The world doesn't wanna know about my story.

Yes, it does.

You’ve just have the wrong people telling it.

[podcast theme plays]

This is Josie Justice,

coming to you live from inside the secret POW camp

where the four Australian hostages are being held.

Tensions are high inside here.

And as you can see, the boys are weak,

frail, and have all but lost hope.

But despite the chaos and through their despair,

that cheeky Australian spirit still thrives.

- [loud explosion] - [Josie gasps]

Uh…

We are now under direct artillery fire.

It's impossible to know

if it is from the local government forces

- or some other for-- - [loud explosion]

- This country has some-- - [Bustard screams] Hey!

- They followed you here! - [screaming]

Throw her in the cage with the other Australian idiots.

[Josie whimpers]

I asked you to leave my country.

I warned you to end the plight of my people.

You have 12 hours to remove any capitalist influence,

and close down every single golf course…

Or I will kill them all.

[Josie screams, man whimpers]

Your twelve hours, starts now.

When he says "now"

Does he mean "now" now? I mean, is that, is that live?

A… As in right now?

Or is it like, "now" in ages time.

Anyway,

our thoughts are prayers, of course, go out to--

This "journalist" just turns up in Behati-Prinsloo? Arugh...

How in the hell would she even have found the place?

Duh-unless…

this was a deep-state operation from globalists…

What exactly Justice was doing

in the volatile country, is unclear.

But there are reports on unverified social media accounts

that Ms. Justice is somehow implicated in the story

of the Behati-Prinsloo Four,

with some dedicated superfans of the Four

claiming one of the soldiers is involved

with Ms Justice romantically.

With our very own Josie Justice taken hostage.

And mysterious objects keep turning up on Australian beaches.

Missing journalists, missing planes,

we'll look into both.

And tomorrow night, my follow up with Sean Penn.

Speculation, he may be getting involved in the race

to save the missing soldiers.

[Background TV] We’re just getting a breaking story...

What the fuck do we do if Sean Penn gets involved?

He's an actor, sir. It's all pretend.

Think he can beat me in a race?

- A running race? - Any race.

[clicks tongue] You look pretty fit, sir.

I gotta tee something up then, eh?

Maybe even televise it.

Not sure that's the best idea.

Why? You think he could beat me?

You think you could beat me in a race?

Middle distance, I'd have you covered.

- But you won't race? - Not with my knees.

Well, if you won't race, you'll never beat me in a race.

If I won't race, you'll never beat me in a race.

- What'd ya bench? - [footsteps approach]

What the hell is this?

A livestream with 73 viewers.

I thought you said The Dingo did his job.

He did.

This is a livestream of the camp at Behati-Prinsloo.

Right now!

Enzo?

You think you could beat me in a race?

Sir, this is a serious problem.

Oh, here we go. Gunna pull out too aye? Sore knees?

[Allison] With the Prime Minister repeatedly denying

involvement in the region,

this could be a difficult race for him to win.

Oh! Oh!

- Your knees are sore… - They are.

so, you can't race.

But my knees are fine, so…

- I can race. - Fantastic.

Short, middle or long-distance?

If Sean is involved, this race is gonna have to be a sprint.

Oh, you fucking Seppos, eh?

Explode out of the blocks. Get it done, get it over with.

Well, we would like to get it done now, yes.

So, are we gonna do this, now?

Any fucking time you like, Speedy Gonzales. Green light.

[chuckles] Okay.

- That was magnificent! - Oh, my goodness! Thank you!

- You were amazing! - [Bustard chuckling]

Oh, the voice, the hair, it was brilliant. Well done.

I thought you were great too, Shammi.

- What now? - [sighs]

We have the eyes of the world on us now.

[clicks tongue] So, we tell your story,

one-on-one, behind enemy lines.

They are gonna eat this up.

So, I'm gonna give you a number to call within the Australian military,

tell them you want 30-minutes prime time

or you'll kill me.

Well, we were torturing them and nobody gave two shits.

You get rag-dolled once, they put you straight onto prime time?

No one really cares about four straight white guys

any more, you know?

But I'm Lebanese.

I actually belong to the Chinese-Korean-Australian community.

I can play Eastern European or Jewish,

or Eastern European-Jewish.

- [Phil] Can you? - [Rowdy] Hey! Hey! Hey!

[Rowdy] What about us?

Guys, just sit tight, okay?

As long as I'm here, he's not gonna kill you.

People are looking for more female-driven storylines these days, you know?

I'm doing all of this for my daughter!

Yeah, but that's a man saving a woman.

People aren't really going for that any more.

Look, no one has ever drowned between the flags, ever.

That does sound interesting.

This feels a little bit different.

No one has drowned between the flags

because someone is always watching.

I get eyes on you guys,

I get the world watching… [scoffs]

he ain't doing shit.

- Thanks--Thanks, Josie. Thanks. - Okay, thanks.

[Dylan] Thanks, Josie.

I would like to show you something, Josie Justice.

Something, you will not find in your world.

[chuckles]

[ethereal music playing]

This island is named after this flower.

The Behati-Prinsloo.

Long ago,

before war and golf courses ravaged these lands,

once a year, this flower would bloom from one coastline to the other.

For us, it represented the cycle of life and love.

But within its blooming flower was a syrup

that could preserve honey well beyond its use-by date.

The Royal family sold the syrup

to a honey manufacturer from New Zealand.

And now, with the irrigation of the golf courses,

the flower has all but disappeared from Behati-Prinsloo.

But not entirely.

[inhales]

[exhales]

- Maximus - Oh.

So, you just wanna save the flowers.

With the flowers, go the bees.

I want to save the island.

[sighs deeply]

Your father will calm down, Bhanis.

Habibi… [sighs]

It was his cousin's wedding.

It's been difficult for him.

It's not just tonight, mama.

It's been my whole life…

he's never looked at me in the eye.

[sighs]

It's difficult. It's complicated--

He's sending me to the army, mama.

[breathes shakily]

He wants me to bring honour back to this family,

but he's never honoured me.

He's never respected me.

He has respected you, Habibi.

He hasn't respected himself.

[sighs]

When you were born,

you were very large.

Yeah. Yeah, eight-pound-seven.

No. No, Habibi.

Down there.

What, my dick and shit?

You were bigger than your father.

What, as a baby?

It's been very difficult for him, Habibi.

Poor dad.

[exhales]

All the posters,

and the girls that have come round…

[voice shaking] and now the wedding,

with the bride,

and the groom…

I want him to believe in you, Habibi.

He will.

But the army is very dangerous, Bhanis.

So am I.

I'm strong.

I can handle it.

I'm gonna do it for dad.

- [Albhanis whimpering] - It's okay, Bhanis.

It's just a rat.

[whimpering] I don't trust rodents.

Why are their legs and arms so skinny?

Oh, it's just a bunch of particles colliding

against another bunch of particles.

- They're just like us. - [sighs]

We need to get out of here.

Yeah, no shit, Bhanis.

We're in a fucking bamboo cage that is sinking.

What else should we do?

Buy Bitcoin ten years ago?

Guys, guys! Let's just trust Josie.

She's on our side.

[singing] ♪ Behati! ♪

♪ C'est le pays de nos désirs ♪

[Albhanis] Josie is teaming up with DB.

You heard her.

No one cares about three straight white guys.

Look at his stupid face.

He's fucking singing to her.

[singing] ♪ Behati! ♪

[continues singing] - What ya thinking Cap?

I'm thinking I've seen that face before, in the mirror,

back when I thought I was gonna be one of the River Boys.

♪ Behati! ♪

[Albhanis] This was our idea,

and DB's gonna make it all about him.

[sighs] Right. We need to get out of here.

Isn't that what I just said, Rowdy?

And, and we need to convince them

to let us be a part of the story.

This is a sticky situation. Any ideas?

Hey! At least we're thinking, Bhanis.

You're not even thinking.

Just doing chin-ups like a moron.

There are two things in here.

Us and weak little rats.

[Rowdy] Ah, not the fucking rats. - Rats?

[Bustard chuckles] Oh, Josie, Josie

- Are you a strong swimmer, Albhanis? - Yes.

Huh. Shawshank Redemption?

- Shawshank? - Shawshank.

[sighs]

[moaning]

Oh, yes. [moaning]

Uh… Sir, you wanted to speak with me?

I… I don't trust what I can't see, Jemima.

I'm gonna need to see a face if you're gonna speak with me.

[continues moaning]

Oh!

Nothing beats the strength of a man, Jemima.

[groans]

Unless, of course, it's two men.

Remember that.

Who's this?

Uh, he's my new note-taker.

For my biography.

I thought I was your note-taker for your biography.

No, he's smarter than you.

- He doesn't think. - Thank you, sir.

- Sir. - Under here, Ambassador.

[moans] Oh! Ooh, yes. Oh.

Sir, about the race--

You've met Jemima, haven’t you?

- Hello, Jemima. - Hello.

She's not taking my notes any more.

Yeah, w--whatever! I'm worried about the journalist.

Well, you would use that as an excuse.

The PM believes you either win or you lose.

So, the journalist is irrelevant?

We're just gonna run the race anyway?

You heard from the man himself.

Anytime.

Understood.

[Bishop moans]

[Bishop] Aahhh

One of you wouldn't mind shutting the door, would you?

[muttering] Oh, Jesus.

[door shuts]

[intense music playing]

[swooshes, thuds]

[guitar driven rock music]

[water splashes]

[late night traffic noise, dogs bark in the distance]

Who the fuck are you?

[orchestral music playing]

I'm Lieutenant Pete.

I'm saving you.

Do I look like a fucking Disney Princess to you?

I--I mean…

I wouldn't say that you don't look like a Disney Princess.

You're ruining everything.

I liberated you from those idiots.

What idiots?

The Australians, they're fake.

It's all bullshit. I can't let you waste your time.

Waste my time?

Do you have any idea what I was about to do?

You were about to embarrass yourself and your country.

Becoming the part of a completely fake story

makes losers out of all of us.

So what do you mean by "fake"?

Those guys, they're fake.

Right, so… So, they're not really soldiers?

No, they're soldiers but…

All the stuff at the camp, they're making it up.

Okay.

So, they weren't really kidnapped?

No, they were kidnapped, but everything after that,

it's all bullshit.

So they're not really being tortured then?

Okay, they're being tortured,

but they want to be tortured.

They… They want to be famous.

And how do you know? Why do you care?

I care about the truth. I'm American.

[softly] Right.

You're not gonna let me go back there, are you?

No, ma'am.

I'm taking you home.

You don't wanna get stuck on an island, trust me.

[Josie] Mm. [inhales]

[clicks tongue] Do you have a phone?

[man panting]

Hey, if this works, do you think the director will listen to us?

I hope so.

Otherwise, we just killed #HotSoldier for nothing.

[all laughing]

[water splashing]

- [Phil] Bhanis! - [Rowdy] Oh Bhanis did it!

[Dylan] Fuckin Legend!

[laughing excitedly]

Hey, Bhanis, was it hard?

[coughing]

Oh, fucking hell.

[phone vibrates]

[softly] Hello?

Hey Jemima, it’s Josie. Can you hear me?

Who’s phone is this?

Don’t worry about that, I need help But I do need you to--

Josie, you have to get the hell out of there.

No I’m fine, I’m safe. I’m with an American soldier...

heading back to...

Are you fucking serious?

Is he hot?

[music builds up]

...the helicopter

Alright.

Don't worry, Jose.

We protect Australian lives at all costs,

whatever the cost.

[intense music playing]

[helicopter whirring]

[helicopter whirring away]

[people cheering]

World, this is not a time for celebrations.

[cameras click] There are still four boys over there.

Four brave, Australians…

Each with their own story to tell.

And I, will be the one to tell it.

Sunday night, 8:30.

Josie, I thought we didn't have any troops in Behati-Prinsloo?

8:30, Sunday night.

Triumph for a free press tonight with unsubstantiated reports

that revered Australian journalist, Josie Justice

has been found alive and well in Behati-Prinsloo.

[speaking Korean]

Leave Albhanis alone!

[reporter] What's your ex-husband doing in Behati-Prinsloo?

[hysterically] I don't know!

I don't know what he was doing there.

He's always been…

He has been brilliant his whole life

at turning victory into defeat.

I'm sorry. I can't do this.

Get out of here, you lame-stream media sheeple.

Wake up! You're fake news!

- [sobbing] - Hey, hey.

[kissing, moaning]

Look who's back, Josie Justice.

How fucking good is Josie Justice?

I have a wife and she is a woman.

[music crescendos, stops]

They look like good,

big, strong hands.

Don't they?

I always thought that's what they were.

We found where the American got in along the fence line, Director.

But this world won't let me hold on to anything.

What about an episode of Planet Earth?

Your… Your favourite? [chuckles softly]

You know, with the snakes…

- and the iguana-- - What is the point?

The snakes always win.

It is time for the iguanas to become snakes.

[tense music]

[sighs]

[Phil] Oh, hey, Director!

- [groans] - Hey!

It's bullshit, you cutting us out of the interview

with Josie Justice.

Yeah, that was our idea and shit.

Yeah! That's not fair!

- You didn't try to leave? - [Rowdy] No, fuck that.

We are recording that interview with you and Josie,

and we're going on prime time.

You boys will never stop, huh?

You'll do anything to tell your story?

Ooh--Our story, DB.

Our story.

Yeah. Now with Josie Justice here,

the iguanas can tell their tale.

[Rowdy] Fucking Americans.

[Dylan] So annoying.

Would you like a hit of this, Shammi?

[inhaling]

[indistinct chatter in the background]

Guys,

check out these dickheads.

[A Current Affair title music plays]

Tonight, my guest, Sean Penn.

It's confirmed he's getting involved in the race

to save the Australian soldiers.

We're talking with him next. We'll be right back.

[Peters] Sir.

Colonel Bishop. We have a problem.

[Bishop] Hey, it's fine!

I applied some self-tanning cream around the eyes,

so it'll even itself out.

It's not about the tan, sir.

It's about the race between you and the Prime Minister.

What about the race?

Somebody else has joined.

- Joined what? - The race!

[ACA music plays]

Sean, good to see you again.

I know you're not here to dance or talk about salsa.

Let's talk about Behati-Prinsloo.

Yes, let's. Now, there's debate about whether or not

they were supposed to be there.

Four innocent guys,

abandoned by their own government.

In fairness, the government said they went rogue.

And governments don't negotiate with terrorists.

What can the Prime Minister really do here?

What I can do…

is an exchange.

What the fuck's he doing?

Me for them.

And if they let those four Australian boys go,

they get me.

He's being an American.

This is incredibly brave, Sean,

but... what will you do when you get there?

What will you say to the terrorists?

If you think...

that I'm afraid...

of your terror…

I was married to Madonna.

["The Honeymoon Is Over" by The Cruel Sea playing]

♪ Well you can't sleep in my bed no more ♪

♪ Well, you can't ride in my car ♪

♪ I won't let you cook for me, baby ♪

♪ It's never gonna get that far ♪

♪ Gonna send you back to wherever ♪

♪ The hell it was you came ♪

♪ Then I'm gonna get this tattoo ♪

♪ Changed to another girl's name ♪

♪ Oh, it ain't no fun no more ♪

♪ I don't know what to say ♪

♪ The honeymoon is over, baby ♪