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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
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00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:10,750
I thought about starting
at the beginning.
4
00:03:14,625 --> 00:03:16,333
But that's not how I remember it.
5
00:03:24,583 --> 00:03:27,625
It's all a series of... fragments.
6
00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:31,833
Repetitions.
7
00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:37,125
Pattern formations.
8
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:01,583
When there are no words
for the pain...
9
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:09,250
...let your imagination change
what you know.
10
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,625
Conglomerates. Conglomerates.
11
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,208
Movement of land
in the freedom of water.
12
00:04:17,708 --> 00:04:20,708
A ring around a rock is luck.
Smoothed...
13
00:04:20,833 --> 00:04:23,042
Smoothed into a small thing.
14
00:04:24,375 --> 00:04:28,750
Sandstone is soothing and lucid.
Shale, of course, is rational.
15
00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:30,708
Red rock is earth blood.
16
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,458
You believe in blue.
17
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,375
I'm sorry.
18
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,333
I'm sorry.
19
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,042
Memories...
20
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,458
...are stories.
21
00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:14,708
So you better come up with one
you can live with.
22
00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:36,208
Smiley face.
23
00:05:42,833 --> 00:05:43,833
Flower.
24
00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:57,833
Christmas tree.
25
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,375
Stop.
26
00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:25,083
Claudia, go upstairs.
27
00:06:25,208 --> 00:06:26,167
Go!
28
00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:30,208
Move!
29
00:06:37,042 --> 00:06:39,375
You just let me know
when you're finished.
30
00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:41,708
We can do this all night.
31
00:06:51,583 --> 00:06:52,875
Ah, fuck it!
32
00:07:34,125 --> 00:07:37,458
I think it'll feel nice,
Claudia. I really think it will.
33
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:38,875
Fix you right up.
34
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,875
Fix you right up!
35
00:07:52,917 --> 00:07:54,625
Sing with me, Belle.
36
00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,750
♪ Oh, my darlin'
37
00:07:56,875 --> 00:07:58,458
♪ Oh, my darlin'
38
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:02,208
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine ♪
39
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:04,250
Come on, Lidia Belle.
Sing with me.
40
00:08:04,375 --> 00:08:06,250
You know all the lyrics.
41
00:08:06,375 --> 00:08:10,625
♪ You're lost and gone forever
42
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:12,500
♪ Dreadful sorrow... ♪
43
00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:16,292
It was my voice that left.
44
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:21,792
Sometimes I think
it arrived on paper.
45
00:08:22,958 --> 00:08:25,042
I wrote...
Pictures and true things.
46
00:08:25,167 --> 00:08:27,958
...lies interchangeably.
It made me feel like...
47
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:31,750
- Made me feel like someone else.
- Oh, for Christ's sake!
48
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:36,042
- I wrote words to belong to.
- That is your daughter!
49
00:08:36,625 --> 00:08:38,083
Not daughter.
50
00:08:39,375 --> 00:08:40,708
To swimmer.
51
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:42,792
To safety.
52
00:08:43,458 --> 00:08:44,792
To girls.
53
00:08:44,917 --> 00:08:47,708
Make my skin hot.
My head hurt, my...
54
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:49,833
Mother. Her hair.
55
00:08:50,375 --> 00:08:51,333
Her scar.
56
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:53,292
Her stories.
57
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:57,250
I won a prize
for that story, Belle.
58
00:08:57,375 --> 00:08:59,208
And your daddy...
59
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:04,167
...won an art prize for this drawing.
60
00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:09,042
How gone she was.
61
00:09:14,083 --> 00:09:16,333
And my sister. My adoration.
62
00:09:16,458 --> 00:09:19,042
My sister. My awe.
63
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,583
You look like a bum
in that dumpy sack shirt.
64
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:23,833
It does nothing for you.
65
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:25,958
Look at me.
66
00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:29,833
You trying to look like a man?
67
00:09:29,958 --> 00:09:32,792
My sister.
Taking everything.
68
00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:41,667
Before you were even born.
69
00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:11,292
In the house.
70
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,083
Alone in my room.
71
00:10:15,958 --> 00:10:17,708
My arms ache.
72
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:19,958
My sister is gone.
73
00:10:22,083 --> 00:10:23,333
My mother is...
74
00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:25,542
...gone.
75
00:10:27,708 --> 00:10:30,208
My father designs houses
in the room next to mine.
76
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:31,792
He's smoking.
77
00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:47,167
Hey, honey.
78
00:10:57,333 --> 00:10:58,333
Hey.
79
00:11:08,583 --> 00:11:10,542
I wait for 5 am.
80
00:11:12,667 --> 00:11:13,583
I pray...
81
00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,250
...to swim.
82
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:33,958
My baby girl.
83
00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:39,208
Growing up so fast.
84
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,292
A teenager.
85
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:52,083
In high school.
I can't believe it.
86
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:54,042
All right. Line up.
87
00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:56,708
Ladies, weigh in.
You know the drill.
88
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:59,083
One lick
for every pound you're over.
89
00:11:59,208 --> 00:12:00,083
Torres.
90
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:02,958
Atta girl.
91
00:12:12,042 --> 00:12:13,292
That's right.
92
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,458
There you go.
93
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:17,375
Reimer. Three pounds.
94
00:12:22,458 --> 00:12:23,708
Faster.
95
00:12:26,167 --> 00:12:27,792
Come on, baby.
96
00:12:28,292 --> 00:12:29,958
Harder.
97
00:12:41,375 --> 00:12:44,208
Yuknavitch.
One for you, freshman.
98
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:46,042
So we'll make it count.
99
00:13:06,583 --> 00:13:07,417
Go!
100
00:13:19,167 --> 00:13:21,375
How many miles
does it take...
101
00:13:25,292 --> 00:13:26,708
...to swim...
102
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:32,292
...to a self?
103
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,167
How...
104
00:13:37,792 --> 00:13:38,708
...many...
105
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:40,583
...fucking...
106
00:13:41,333 --> 00:13:42,167
...miles?
107
00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:50,417
We set a record!
108
00:13:50,542 --> 00:13:52,333
- We set a fucking record!
- Yes!
109
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:55,333
We are proud to announce
that our 200-yard medley relay
110
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:57,583
gold-medal winners
from the Florida Aquatic Swim Team
111
00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,958
have achieved the best time
in the entire nation.
112
00:14:00,083 --> 00:14:01,833
Congratulations.
113
00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:03,458
Scouts are watching, seniors.
114
00:14:29,708 --> 00:14:31,583
So, you really want this, huh?
115
00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:38,333
OK.
116
00:14:58,167 --> 00:15:00,458
You only got a three-quarter ride.
117
00:15:04,917 --> 00:15:06,333
Hey, if they wanted you,
118
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:09,958
they would have offered
the whole nine yards, huh?
119
00:15:25,708 --> 00:15:29,292
"We are delighted to offer
a partial scholarship."
120
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:33,458
Half. You're better than that.
121
00:15:36,917 --> 00:15:37,833
Last one.
122
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,167
In my head, I swam laps.
123
00:15:56,583 --> 00:15:59,333
Didn't even get one full ride.
124
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,042
Hey. Don't blame me.
125
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:08,417
If they don't want you,
you don't belong there.
126
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:10,167
I could taste blood.
127
00:16:10,292 --> 00:16:12,458
The answer is no.
128
00:16:12,958 --> 00:16:14,458
Why?
129
00:16:21,792 --> 00:16:23,875
Because he could.
130
00:16:26,958 --> 00:16:28,125
What?
131
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:29,958
And I was his.
132
00:16:42,708 --> 00:16:44,833
Hey. Look at me.
133
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,208
Look at me.
134
00:17:08,042 --> 00:17:09,792
I only want the best for you.
135
00:17:11,833 --> 00:17:12,958
You know that.
136
00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:18,417
I knew he could feel it.
137
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:20,958
That pink muscle.
138
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:22,833
Pushing.
139
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,292
And pushing.
140
00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,042
You should be warming up.
141
00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:30,958
For all of its worth.
142
00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:36,167
Hey, Lidia.
143
00:17:39,042 --> 00:17:42,458
Do you need a hand?
I'm a coach from Texas Tech.
144
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,875
I'm excited to meet you.
Let's talk.
145
00:17:47,417 --> 00:17:49,417
We'd like to have you on our team.
146
00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:09,708
Yes.
147
00:18:15,708 --> 00:18:17,583
I almost loved her.
148
00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:25,667
Let's go, Belle.
149
00:18:52,042 --> 00:18:54,292
Cos I know you!
I know what you do!
150
00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:57,042
And it is disgusting!
You hear me?
151
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,167
It's fucking disgusting, Lidia!
152
00:18:59,292 --> 00:19:01,667
You should be ashamed of your...
153
00:19:05,292 --> 00:19:06,292
Lidia!
154
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:11,625
This is control.
155
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:15,167
I am controlling myself.
156
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,542
You don't know how far I can go.
157
00:19:38,625 --> 00:19:42,250
My bedroom holds the wet
and the dark of my body.
158
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,917
It smells like my sweat...
159
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:50,500
...and chlorine.
160
00:20:03,417 --> 00:20:05,667
Hey. Can't sleep, huh?
161
00:20:06,542 --> 00:20:07,625
Yeah. Me neither.
162
00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:21,333
Come here.
I want to talk to you.
163
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,625
Listen. I'm sorry
I've been so hard on you lately.
164
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:32,917
I guess I just...
165
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,792
...really worry about you out there.
166
00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:41,833
Things are gonna be different
when you go to college.
167
00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:44,542
I want you to listen to me.
168
00:20:44,917 --> 00:20:47,417
He narrated what boys
would do to me.
169
00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:53,417
How they would put their dirty hands
up my skirt and fingerfuck me.
170
00:20:54,292 --> 00:20:55,792
Fondle my tits.
171
00:20:59,417 --> 00:21:00,542
Suck them.
172
00:21:02,708 --> 00:21:05,125
How disgusting boys would be.
173
00:21:07,042 --> 00:21:10,917
Their hands,
their hips wanting in and up.
174
00:21:11,375 --> 00:21:12,792
And their dicks.
175
00:21:13,792 --> 00:21:14,792
And his.
176
00:21:15,667 --> 00:21:17,542
Me sitting next to him.
177
00:21:18,792 --> 00:21:23,042
Feeling the heat of him
without even looking.
178
00:22:22,667 --> 00:22:24,292
What you doing out here?
179
00:22:31,292 --> 00:22:33,333
What's the matter with you, huh?
180
00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:39,667
I want you to know that, um...
181
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,042
...that I love you.
182
00:22:53,042 --> 00:22:54,042
Huh.
183
00:23:02,625 --> 00:23:04,500
You're a fucking whore.
184
00:23:12,292 --> 00:23:14,167
You have something to say to me?
185
00:23:15,292 --> 00:23:16,167
Huh?
186
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:25,333
Fuck you, motherfucker.
187
00:23:25,458 --> 00:23:28,042
What did you...?
What did you just say?
188
00:23:31,042 --> 00:23:32,417
Fuck you...
189
00:23:33,417 --> 00:23:35,042
...motherfucker.
190
00:23:36,667 --> 00:23:40,708
Get the fuck OUT OF MY WAY!
191
00:24:18,042 --> 00:24:19,667
All I thought...
192
00:24:25,417 --> 00:24:27,750
...was my own wide-open cunt.
193
00:24:33,042 --> 00:24:34,542
As open as a mouth...
194
00:24:35,667 --> 00:24:36,750
...screaming...
195
00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:38,083
Mother... Mother... Mother...
196
00:24:38,208 --> 00:24:39,167
...fucker.
197
00:24:42,042 --> 00:24:44,000
Motherfucker.
198
00:25:03,792 --> 00:25:05,917
I didn't know a girl body
could do that.
199
00:25:09,042 --> 00:25:10,750
Shoot cum.
200
00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:45,125
My own thoughts.
Mine. My own space.
201
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,792
My own booze.
My own days. My own nights.
202
00:25:47,917 --> 00:25:51,125
Mine. My own sex. My own booze.
203
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,625
My own food. My own thoughts.
My own friends. Mine.
204
00:25:56,167 --> 00:25:57,167
Mine.
205
00:26:00,208 --> 00:26:01,542
Mine.
206
00:26:02,625 --> 00:26:04,000
Mine, mine, mine, mine.
207
00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:05,625
My own freedom.
208
00:26:22,250 --> 00:26:24,875
My, my, my, my, mine.
209
00:26:30,375 --> 00:26:33,417
Like something pressed
so far down in a body...
210
00:26:35,375 --> 00:26:37,083
...it had to explode.
211
00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:42,500
Yuk!
212
00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:49,375
Where do you think
you're going?
213
00:26:51,292 --> 00:26:52,375
I know you.
214
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:56,917
You're going nowhere.
215
00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,417
♪ Oh, my darlin'
216
00:27:28,542 --> 00:27:30,125
♪ Oh, my darlin'... ♪
217
00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:32,917
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine... ♪
218
00:27:34,958 --> 00:27:38,167
♪ You were lost and gone forever
219
00:27:38,292 --> 00:27:41,167
♪ Oh, my darlin' Clementine... ♪
220
00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:50,625
So far from my father. So far from...
221
00:27:50,750 --> 00:27:54,417
So far from my father.
So far from my father. My father.
222
00:27:54,542 --> 00:27:56,458
So far from my father.
223
00:28:07,750 --> 00:28:09,000
I just want...
224
00:28:18,417 --> 00:28:20,000
I love your hands.
225
00:28:21,667 --> 00:28:23,167
I love your voice.
226
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:29,167
It's my father and my brother
who have the real voices.
227
00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:32,792
I always hear them in my head.
228
00:28:33,917 --> 00:28:34,917
Really?
229
00:28:37,042 --> 00:28:38,375
What are they saying?
230
00:28:42,583 --> 00:28:44,583
They're singing "Amazing Grace...
231
00:28:48,750 --> 00:28:50,250
Voices of God.
232
00:28:51,583 --> 00:28:52,958
Fuck me.
233
00:28:54,208 --> 00:28:55,208
Yeah.
234
00:28:57,125 --> 00:28:59,000
No. Really.
235
00:29:00,375 --> 00:29:01,375
Fuck me.
236
00:29:12,125 --> 00:29:13,500
Poor Phillip.
237
00:29:16,375 --> 00:29:18,792
I wish I could go back
and apologise.
238
00:29:32,875 --> 00:29:38,125
♪ The way it's been going
239
00:29:39,750 --> 00:29:42,333
♪ And I know that peace will come... ♪
240
00:29:43,625 --> 00:29:46,250
Fuck all y'all!
241
00:29:46,375 --> 00:29:48,500
Eat me!
242
00:29:48,625 --> 00:29:50,042
♪ I've been a-searchin'
243
00:29:51,583 --> 00:29:54,000
♪ For the dolphins... ♪
244
00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:57,500
Just a regular James Taylor,
245
00:29:57,625 --> 00:30:01,250
singin' his heart out here in Texas!
246
00:30:02,625 --> 00:30:05,500
♪ And sometimes I wonder
247
00:30:06,625 --> 00:30:10,750
♪ Do you ever think of me?
248
00:30:15,250 --> 00:30:18,542
♪ This world may never change
249
00:30:21,583 --> 00:30:27,000
♪ The way it's been going
250
00:30:28,375 --> 00:30:31,208
♪ And I know that peace will come ♪
251
00:30:37,250 --> 00:30:39,833
Lidia... why do you always do that?
252
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:50,125
It's funny. Come on.
It's funny. You know it.
253
00:30:54,125 --> 00:30:56,500
- You're such...
- ...such a pussy!
254
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,375
Come on.
Learn how to take a...
255
00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:02,125
...joke.
You're so fucking sensitive.
256
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,500
This is probably one of the most
pathetic things I've ever seen.
257
00:31:13,208 --> 00:31:17,125
This is what I'm...
This is what I'm talking about.
258
00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:21,167
It's like... It's like talking
to a fucking doorknob.
259
00:31:21,583 --> 00:31:24,000
Why don't you say something?
260
00:31:24,750 --> 00:31:26,125
Will you say anything?
261
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:28,208
I'm being a fucking bitch,
262
00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:30,750
so why don't you
do something about it?
263
00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:34,125
You're...
264
00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:35,750
You're not a bitch.
265
00:31:38,875 --> 00:31:40,500
Fuck you, Phillip!
266
00:31:42,625 --> 00:31:45,500
You don't even fucking know me,
Phillip!
267
00:32:09,750 --> 00:32:10,958
Phillip...
268
00:32:12,333 --> 00:32:14,625
...means "lover of horses".
269
00:32:16,583 --> 00:32:18,000
Goddamn.
270
00:32:19,083 --> 00:32:20,625
Or "brotherhood".
271
00:32:32,208 --> 00:32:34,500
Wake up, motherfucker!
272
00:32:51,250 --> 00:32:54,083
Hey, Lids.
Want to get out of here?
273
00:32:54,208 --> 00:32:56,750
She's good, man.
I'll take her back.
274
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:04,292
Hey, man. Shut that door.
275
00:33:04,958 --> 00:33:07,500
Just shut the goddamn door!
276
00:33:09,125 --> 00:33:11,000
Haven't seen you at practice.
277
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,875
Yeah. I flunked out.
278
00:33:15,917 --> 00:33:17,250
That's cool.
279
00:33:30,083 --> 00:33:32,875
I can still feel my face.
280
00:33:44,125 --> 00:33:46,333
Addiction is in me for sure.
281
00:33:48,375 --> 00:33:53,167
But I want to describe something else
to you, something smaller.
282
00:33:55,458 --> 00:33:56,875
It's a smaller word.
283
00:33:58,875 --> 00:33:59,875
Mama?
284
00:34:02,833 --> 00:34:05,875
So small it could travel
a bloodstream.
285
00:34:10,875 --> 00:34:12,333
Go away, Belle.
286
00:34:23,625 --> 00:34:24,750
Hm.
287
00:34:27,875 --> 00:34:29,250
Go away, Belle!
288
00:34:40,125 --> 00:34:41,750
Stay away.
289
00:34:43,375 --> 00:34:45,417
This isn't anything for you.
290
00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:49,375
I'm not talking 'bout anything.
291
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,208
I'm not talking 'bout anything.
292
00:35:03,083 --> 00:35:04,875
I'm not talking about anything.
293
00:35:12,750 --> 00:35:15,500
Dorothy?
294
00:35:16,083 --> 00:35:18,250
Get up. Get up. Get up.
295
00:35:45,500 --> 00:35:46,750
I'm sorry!
296
00:35:52,750 --> 00:35:54,500
I'm sorry.
297
00:35:56,500 --> 00:35:59,292
Yeah. Lidia...
298
00:36:00,958 --> 00:36:02,750
...you can talk to us.
299
00:36:03,625 --> 00:36:04,667
It helps.
300
00:36:05,833 --> 00:36:06,833
Trust me.
301
00:36:22,458 --> 00:36:25,208
- I'm not talking about anything.
- Mm.
302
00:36:26,375 --> 00:36:28,750
You know,
I always like to say, uh...
303
00:36:31,583 --> 00:36:34,208
...find meaning in life's traffic...
304
00:36:35,792 --> 00:36:39,125
...through clearing
spiritual barriers.
305
00:36:59,625 --> 00:37:00,500
Uh...
306
00:37:03,833 --> 00:37:05,375
I'm proud of you.
307
00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:08,750
You know?
308
00:37:12,500 --> 00:37:13,500
Yeah.
309
00:37:15,125 --> 00:37:16,125
Yeah.
310
00:37:26,583 --> 00:37:27,583
Hey.
311
00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:32,750
Would you marry me?
312
00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:00,750
OK.
313
00:38:04,625 --> 00:38:07,750
♪ And children have their dreams
314
00:38:08,417 --> 00:38:10,583
♪ To hold on to
315
00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:16,125
♪ And how they fly
316
00:38:16,250 --> 00:38:19,208
♪ Take us to the moon
317
00:38:20,625 --> 00:38:22,625
♪ Yes, they flow
318
00:38:23,375 --> 00:38:24,333
♪ From you
319
00:38:26,292 --> 00:38:29,000
♪ They flow from you
320
00:38:30,958 --> 00:38:32,250
♪ And they flow
321
00:38:33,583 --> 00:38:34,833
♪ From you
322
00:38:37,375 --> 00:38:40,625
♪ And women have themselves
323
00:38:40,750 --> 00:38:42,875
♪ To hold on to
324
00:38:45,958 --> 00:38:48,208
♪ And how they fly
325
00:38:48,333 --> 00:38:51,125
♪ Take me by surprise
326
00:38:53,208 --> 00:38:56,458
♪ They float from me
327
00:38:57,458 --> 00:39:01,042
♪ They float from me
328
00:39:02,833 --> 00:39:06,333
♪ And they float from me... ♪
329
00:39:12,458 --> 00:39:13,667
Aah!
330
00:39:14,917 --> 00:39:16,292
Fuck.
331
00:39:18,792 --> 00:39:20,458
Aw!
332
00:39:25,917 --> 00:39:26,833
Oh!
333
00:39:32,083 --> 00:39:33,458
Jesus.
334
00:39:38,583 --> 00:39:40,083
Sweetheart.
335
00:39:40,208 --> 00:39:41,542
You did so good.
336
00:39:41,667 --> 00:39:43,542
You did so good!
337
00:40:10,583 --> 00:40:12,042
I made you some tea.
338
00:40:12,708 --> 00:40:15,292
I don't want any tea.
What are we gonna do?
339
00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:21,917
Lidia... I love you.
340
00:40:23,833 --> 00:40:26,958
And whatever you want to do,
I'll support it.
341
00:40:31,917 --> 00:40:33,042
That's it?
342
00:40:38,333 --> 00:40:40,708
I need more than nothing
343
00:40:40,833 --> 00:40:43,708
from the most passive man
on the fucking planet!
344
00:40:59,667 --> 00:41:01,542
Sorry. I've been kind of sick.
345
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:08,208
You don't want anything.
346
00:41:08,333 --> 00:41:11,542
And you are killing me
with your not wanting anything!
347
00:41:12,750 --> 00:41:15,167
- What were you thinking?
- I don't know.
348
00:41:15,292 --> 00:41:18,333
I don't know. I don't know.
It's fucking impossible.
349
00:41:19,208 --> 00:41:21,875
I can't stand how nice he...
350
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,833
I can't stand
how nice he is, but...
351
00:41:24,917 --> 00:41:27,583
...I couldn't have killed it either.
352
00:41:29,833 --> 00:41:31,208
I was thinking...
353
00:41:33,208 --> 00:41:35,583
...maybe there's a world in which I...
354
00:41:37,292 --> 00:41:40,500
...I come and...
live with you in Eugene
355
00:41:40,625 --> 00:41:43,958
and take some classes
where you're teaching and...
356
00:41:44,792 --> 00:41:47,917
I don't know.
Maybe we could start, like, a little...
357
00:41:50,458 --> 00:41:51,458
...family.
358
00:41:57,083 --> 00:42:00,083
- Yes.
- Cos I think my life with him
359
00:42:00,208 --> 00:42:03,583
is gonna be, like, some sad,
sad fucking country song.
360
00:42:03,708 --> 00:42:05,833
- And this is the only thing...
- Lidia. Lidia.
361
00:42:05,958 --> 00:42:07,167
I said yes.
362
00:42:08,333 --> 00:42:09,333
Come home.
363
00:42:14,792 --> 00:42:15,792
OK.
364
00:42:18,833 --> 00:42:20,000
Cool.
365
00:42:22,708 --> 00:42:24,458
Because she left me once...
366
00:42:25,583 --> 00:42:27,208
...to save her own life.
367
00:42:36,625 --> 00:42:39,375
What are you two doing back there,
playing with yourselves?
368
00:42:41,292 --> 00:42:45,000
What? I bring them to the most
beautiful scenery in the world,
369
00:42:45,708 --> 00:42:47,708
and they're just playing grab-ass?
370
00:42:50,083 --> 00:42:52,083
Look out
the goddamn window!
371
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:14,333
Claudia, grab the hacksaw
from under your mother's seat.
372
00:43:15,750 --> 00:43:17,708
Come on! Let's go.
373
00:43:42,542 --> 00:43:44,542
Here you go, sweetheart.
374
00:43:44,667 --> 00:43:45,833
For sustenance.
375
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,417
For sustenance.
376
00:43:50,917 --> 00:43:52,167
You don't want it?
377
00:43:59,958 --> 00:44:02,250
Come on, honey. Just have a little sip.
It'll warm you up.
378
00:44:03,042 --> 00:44:04,083
Mmm.
379
00:44:20,083 --> 00:44:23,333
♪ Blowin' bubbles soft and fine... ♪
380
00:44:34,333 --> 00:44:35,833
Well, thank God.
381
00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:45,042
Where's the tree?
382
00:44:48,083 --> 00:44:49,167
Just...
383
00:44:53,458 --> 00:44:54,833
Hm.
384
00:44:56,958 --> 00:44:57,792
There.
385
00:44:59,333 --> 00:45:00,917
That's the picture.
386
00:45:10,708 --> 00:45:12,292
Welcome home.
387
00:45:12,417 --> 00:45:13,417
Oh!
388
00:45:17,708 --> 00:45:20,042
Come on in. I'll get that.
389
00:45:20,583 --> 00:45:22,708
- Why? Cos I'm pregnant?
- Yeah.
390
00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:51,208
- Here.
- Thanks.
391
00:45:53,458 --> 00:45:54,458
Mm.
392
00:45:56,208 --> 00:45:57,208
Fuck.
393
00:46:01,083 --> 00:46:02,208
Argh!
394
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:06,292
Thank you, Claudia.
395
00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:18,292
Do you remember when you used
to make me do things?
396
00:46:21,167 --> 00:46:22,333
Like...
397
00:46:23,167 --> 00:46:26,375
"Here. Bite this apple."
398
00:46:26,500 --> 00:46:27,833
Sock it in my mouth.
399
00:46:30,417 --> 00:46:32,208
"Here. Smell this ashtray."
400
00:46:32,333 --> 00:46:34,625
"Just blow it. One, two..."
401
00:46:35,083 --> 00:46:37,708
Ashes all over my fucking face.
402
00:46:42,250 --> 00:46:43,875
I would have done anything.
403
00:46:48,708 --> 00:46:50,625
You were mythic to me.
404
00:46:54,375 --> 00:46:57,500
I remember when I went downstairs
after you moved into the basement.
405
00:46:58,625 --> 00:47:03,917
I didn't realise how smart
that was then, but...
406
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:10,125
I used to look at all of your stuff
and used to touch it.
407
00:47:12,042 --> 00:47:14,708
One time I found a razor blade
in your purse.
408
00:47:14,833 --> 00:47:16,750
Cut myself on it.
409
00:47:16,875 --> 00:47:18,792
Made the fact
that I had to pee hurt.
410
00:47:32,917 --> 00:47:34,250
I, um...
411
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,417
I know that this is a...
412
00:47:40,417 --> 00:47:41,792
...sacrifice.
413
00:47:43,792 --> 00:47:45,167
No.
414
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,292
It's just...
415
00:47:50,667 --> 00:47:52,417
...you were so little...
416
00:48:00,250 --> 00:48:01,250
Yeah.
417
00:48:05,875 --> 00:48:06,875
Well...
418
00:48:09,542 --> 00:48:12,792
...this is one way
to Frankenstein your life.
419
00:48:21,458 --> 00:48:25,458
Maybe... I've been waiting for this.
420
00:48:50,042 --> 00:48:52,583
Yes. Breathe.
421
00:48:55,167 --> 00:48:56,167
I know.
422
00:48:58,625 --> 00:49:00,125
Come on. Come on.
423
00:49:02,042 --> 00:49:05,500
You... can... do it.
424
00:49:48,167 --> 00:49:49,167
Where is she?
425
00:49:51,917 --> 00:49:53,292
Can I hold her?
426
00:49:54,542 --> 00:49:56,542
Uh, yeah.
427
00:49:59,792 --> 00:50:02,875
Just one second.
We're just cleaning her up.
428
00:50:27,292 --> 00:50:29,042
Her lips are pink.
429
00:50:31,750 --> 00:50:33,042
They're pink.
430
00:51:49,250 --> 00:51:50,250
Just...
431
00:51:51,917 --> 00:51:53,792
...throw it as far as you can.
432
00:52:19,125 --> 00:52:20,625
It's not funny.
433
00:52:24,792 --> 00:52:25,792
Get it.
434
00:52:45,500 --> 00:52:46,625
Gah!
435
00:53:19,250 --> 00:53:20,250
Sorry.
436
00:53:48,958 --> 00:53:50,125
I know.
437
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:53,000
I know.
438
00:53:59,125 --> 00:54:01,500
Look. She's all over you.
439
00:54:03,833 --> 00:54:06,125
You're fucking laughing.
440
00:54:39,583 --> 00:54:41,875
What lived and died
between us...
441
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,083
...haunts me.
442
00:54:46,417 --> 00:54:47,417
Still.
443
00:54:51,125 --> 00:54:52,917
Goddamn, girl.
444
00:54:53,042 --> 00:54:54,792
What are you,
some kind of mermaid?
445
00:54:56,667 --> 00:54:57,917
Yep.
446
00:55:03,542 --> 00:55:04,750
You got something to say?
447
00:55:06,750 --> 00:55:07,875
No way.
448
00:55:10,250 --> 00:55:11,708
Come on.
449
00:55:13,083 --> 00:55:16,000
You deserve this.
You don't want to come with me?
450
00:55:17,042 --> 00:55:19,292
This is crazy.
I'm not even a grad student.
451
00:55:19,417 --> 00:55:21,250
I'm just trolling
the English department.
452
00:55:21,375 --> 00:55:24,542
You think Kesey gives a rat's ass
about U of O rules?
453
00:55:24,667 --> 00:55:28,417
- You will regret not doing this.
- They won't even let me enrol.
454
00:55:28,542 --> 00:55:30,667
Bullshit.
I already told him about you.
455
00:55:31,667 --> 00:55:32,667
The...
456
00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:34,667
These...
457
00:55:37,750 --> 00:55:39,167
He's gonna love you.
458
00:55:44,417 --> 00:55:46,792
You don't want to write a novel
with Ken Kesey?
459
00:56:08,000 --> 00:56:11,375
Hey, everyone. Um...
Hey, everybody. Hey.
460
00:56:15,292 --> 00:56:16,250
You're an idiot.
461
00:56:16,958 --> 00:56:18,958
Hi. Um, this is Lidia.
462
00:56:21,542 --> 00:56:23,000
- Say hi.
- Hi.
463
00:56:26,208 --> 00:56:29,542
Well, hello.
What do we have here?
464
00:56:29,667 --> 00:56:31,375
A triple-A tootsie?
465
00:56:35,167 --> 00:56:36,875
I know what happened to you.
466
00:56:40,583 --> 00:56:42,333
Death is a motherfucker.
467
00:56:54,292 --> 00:56:55,375
Shit.
468
00:56:56,292 --> 00:56:57,042
- Jeff.
- Yes?
469
00:56:57,167 --> 00:57:01,167
You think you can roll one?
I hate sitting in a room full of writers.
470
00:57:01,292 --> 00:57:02,292
Sure.
471
00:57:11,792 --> 00:57:13,292
The chair will be fine.
472
00:57:14,917 --> 00:57:16,667
I want you all...
473
00:57:22,542 --> 00:57:24,542
I want you all to be winners.
474
00:57:25,042 --> 00:57:28,417
I want you to be warriors.
475
00:57:29,625 --> 00:57:30,875
Warriors.
476
00:57:31,667 --> 00:57:33,542
I'll give you the warrior test.
477
00:57:33,667 --> 00:57:37,167
Uh... Shit floats. Cream rises.
478
00:57:37,500 --> 00:57:40,375
Shit floats. Jerry Rubin.
479
00:57:42,542 --> 00:57:44,000
Cream rises.
480
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:52,750
Ferlinghetti.
481
00:57:55,792 --> 00:57:56,792
Lord Buckley.
482
00:57:57,875 --> 00:57:59,167
Lenny Bruce.
483
00:58:00,292 --> 00:58:01,375
The greats.
484
00:58:03,750 --> 00:58:05,542
I want you to be great.
485
00:58:07,833 --> 00:58:09,042
Shit, somebody...
486
00:58:10,500 --> 00:58:13,167
...has got to create our culture
for the next 50 years.
487
00:58:13,292 --> 00:58:14,625
And I want it to be you.
488
00:58:14,750 --> 00:58:17,167
All right.
There are only two rules. One:
489
00:58:17,292 --> 00:58:22,292
Do not talk the plot of our novel
to anyone outside this class.
490
00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:26,792
Two: I comprise 50% of the class,
491
00:58:26,917 --> 00:58:29,417
so we only write together...
492
00:58:30,875 --> 00:58:34,750
...because we will publish or perish
together.
493
00:58:41,167 --> 00:58:43,292
Nelson Algren said,
494
00:58:44,875 --> 00:58:46,417
"The job of the writer...
495
00:58:47,750 --> 00:58:50,542
...is to pull the judge
down onto the dock.
496
00:58:51,750 --> 00:58:54,542
To make the Almighty feel
497
00:58:54,667 --> 00:58:56,708
what it's like to be down low."
498
00:58:58,250 --> 00:58:59,375
He'll be all right.
499
00:59:01,250 --> 00:59:03,167
Grass never killed anybody.
500
00:59:04,292 --> 00:59:06,000
So, go.
501
00:59:07,583 --> 00:59:08,583
Right now.
502
00:59:09,750 --> 00:59:11,500
Write some bizarre sentences.
503
00:59:11,625 --> 00:59:13,750
Hey! Where are you?
504
00:59:15,042 --> 00:59:17,875
You can't take Quaaludes
before the class.
505
00:59:18,583 --> 00:59:20,792
Now disappear into your imagination.
506
00:59:20,917 --> 00:59:23,500
Come on!
Disappear into your imagination.
507
00:59:23,625 --> 00:59:25,708
Nobody's in the room
but you and that pen.
508
00:59:30,833 --> 00:59:31,875
Better.
509
00:59:34,500 --> 00:59:35,833
Here you are.
510
00:59:35,958 --> 00:59:37,375
This is the shit.
511
00:59:42,750 --> 00:59:44,042
I wrote Demon Box in here.
512
00:59:45,500 --> 00:59:47,750
This room here
is a creative room here.
513
00:59:47,875 --> 00:59:48,958
It's a creative space.
514
00:59:49,083 --> 00:59:52,625
Hey, Bennett. You didn't bring
any ludes with you, did you?
515
00:59:52,750 --> 00:59:57,458
You know, those kind of drugs put you
into your body, not into your mind.
516
00:59:58,250 --> 01:00:01,750
Stick with the acid, psilocybin,
San Pedro...
517
01:00:02,458 --> 01:00:05,000
Something
that'll disintegrate your ego
518
01:00:05,125 --> 01:00:07,125
so you can hear your inner voice.
519
01:00:08,375 --> 01:00:10,458
And you write from that voice.
520
01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:15,583
You want your voice to come through.
521
01:00:20,125 --> 01:00:21,250
Oh, Jesus.
522
01:00:24,542 --> 01:00:26,083
That's not supposed to happen.
523
01:00:27,292 --> 01:00:29,083
I got wrestler's knees.
524
01:00:31,000 --> 01:00:32,000
All right!
525
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,208
Let's get outside
before the sun sets.
526
01:00:35,750 --> 01:00:37,000
I want you...
527
01:00:38,583 --> 01:00:40,458
...to meet someone.
528
01:00:43,500 --> 01:00:44,500
Come on!
529
01:00:44,875 --> 01:00:46,333
Fuck you, God!
530
01:00:48,250 --> 01:00:51,333
God got the commandments wrong.
I think there's 11 commandments.
531
01:00:51,458 --> 01:00:54,083
And it should be the first commandment:
Have mercy.
532
01:00:54,208 --> 01:00:56,500
- Hey.
- Lord, have mercy!
533
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:59,458
Just think,
if everybody had mercy for each other,
534
01:00:59,583 --> 01:01:00,833
where we'd be today.
535
01:01:00,958 --> 01:01:04,250
You see a man in the street
who needs a few dollars, give it to him.
536
01:01:04,375 --> 01:01:06,250
Have mercy. He needs it.
537
01:01:07,625 --> 01:01:09,583
He wouldn't ask for it
if he didn't need it.
538
01:01:11,375 --> 01:01:12,375
Mercy.
539
01:01:14,083 --> 01:01:17,833
Hire me to rewrite the... Bible.
540
01:01:40,083 --> 01:01:42,000
What are you,
some kind of mermaid?
541
01:01:51,375 --> 01:01:52,375
Yep.
542
01:02:04,875 --> 01:02:06,958
You know,
when Jed died, my boy...
543
01:02:08,375 --> 01:02:10,375
...I wanted to cease to exist.
544
01:02:19,292 --> 01:02:23,000
And everybody that talked to me
said something asinine.
545
01:02:26,333 --> 01:02:28,125
Or didn't say anything at all.
546
01:02:42,708 --> 01:02:45,000
Nobody understands death anymore.
547
01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:52,625
It used to be sacred.
So sacred.
548
01:02:57,958 --> 01:02:58,958
Shit.
549
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,750
No one's big enough
to hold what happens to us.
550
01:03:07,625 --> 01:03:12,250
No one is big enough
to hold what happens to us.
551
01:03:18,500 --> 01:03:20,333
You got something to say?
552
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,458
It's in your hands.
553
01:03:54,375 --> 01:03:57,000
Everything about my father
was in his hands.
554
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,333
It's all about coordination.
555
01:04:07,625 --> 01:04:12,000
A perfectly-balanced dance
of shadow and light.
556
01:04:13,792 --> 01:04:17,083
Before my father
was my father,
557
01:04:17,208 --> 01:04:18,583
he was an artist.
558
01:04:18,708 --> 01:04:22,000
Your daddy won a prize
559
01:04:22,500 --> 01:04:23,875
for this drawing.
560
01:04:26,750 --> 01:04:29,833
Before my father
was an artist,
561
01:04:29,958 --> 01:04:31,458
he was an athlete.
562
01:04:33,417 --> 01:04:35,667
Before my father was my father...
563
01:04:38,292 --> 01:04:39,750
...he was beautiful.
564
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:42,125
And she was.
565
01:04:42,500 --> 01:04:44,875
Before my father was my father,
566
01:04:45,750 --> 01:04:47,333
he was a boy.
567
01:04:47,708 --> 01:04:49,000
Just a boy
568
01:04:49,708 --> 01:04:51,583
whose own mother...
569
01:04:51,958 --> 01:04:54,125
...cut his tongue.
570
01:04:59,792 --> 01:05:01,833
Before I hated him...
571
01:05:03,333 --> 01:05:04,708
...I loved him.
572
01:05:10,708 --> 01:05:14,333
Look up. If you don't look
where you're going, you're gonna crash.
573
01:05:14,458 --> 01:05:17,792
When you get to the bottom of the hill,
brake enough to make a turn.
574
01:05:17,917 --> 01:05:18,917
OK?
575
01:05:22,792 --> 01:05:25,625
Go. Keep your eyes on the road!
576
01:05:25,750 --> 01:05:26,917
Keep going.
577
01:05:27,625 --> 01:05:28,917
Keep your head up!
578
01:05:33,917 --> 01:05:36,500
Keep those eyes on the road!
You gotta brake!
579
01:05:41,792 --> 01:05:42,875
Mike.
580
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:44,000
Mike.
581
01:05:44,667 --> 01:05:45,667
Mike!
582
01:05:45,792 --> 01:05:47,792
- Get a flashlight.
- What for?
583
01:05:47,917 --> 01:05:50,042
- She's hurt down there.
- What?
584
01:05:50,917 --> 01:05:53,292
- What happened?
- Shut the goddamn door!
585
01:05:54,625 --> 01:05:56,625
- Yeah.
- You done with that chapter?
586
01:06:22,375 --> 01:06:23,375
Hey.
587
01:06:24,917 --> 01:06:25,875
Hi.
588
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:27,042
Hello.
589
01:06:32,292 --> 01:06:33,875
I'm a writer.
590
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:50,000
Thank you.
591
01:06:50,542 --> 01:06:52,042
Thank you.
592
01:06:52,458 --> 01:06:56,667
We are gathered because, uh,
we want to see the results.
593
01:06:56,792 --> 01:07:01,625
We want to witness the results
of this experiment.
594
01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:06,083
A collaborative novel written by us.
595
01:07:07,083 --> 01:07:11,750
Please, let's welcome the first
of the not-so-merry pranksters
596
01:07:11,875 --> 01:07:14,792
to the stage to present...
597
01:07:16,042 --> 01:07:17,042
...Caverns.
598
01:07:18,042 --> 01:07:19,917
Lidia! Come on up!
599
01:07:23,250 --> 01:07:24,542
You're gonna kill it.
600
01:07:45,792 --> 01:07:46,917
Hello.
601
01:07:47,292 --> 01:07:49,750
- My thigh, behind my knee...
- There you go.
602
01:07:49,875 --> 01:07:52,083
- You too?
- My asscrack.
603
01:07:52,208 --> 01:07:54,042
Back of my knees,
and they're just like...
604
01:07:54,167 --> 01:07:55,417
Lidia's father.
605
01:07:56,500 --> 01:07:59,417
What can I say?
I'm a great admirer of yours.
606
01:07:59,542 --> 01:08:02,625
- Mike. Is that right?
- That's right.
607
01:08:03,667 --> 01:08:05,375
Glad you could make it.
608
01:08:06,500 --> 01:08:08,375
Lidia and I, we saw Cuckoo's Nest
609
01:08:08,500 --> 01:08:10,542
and Sometimes a Great Notion
together,
610
01:08:10,667 --> 01:08:12,042
and it's just great.
611
01:08:12,167 --> 01:08:14,000
I mean, great books.
612
01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:18,250
You know, Mike...
613
01:08:19,625 --> 01:08:20,792
...Lidia here...
614
01:08:22,542 --> 01:08:24,875
...she can knock it out
of the park.
615
01:08:29,042 --> 01:08:31,042
Do you want me to sign that?
616
01:08:35,250 --> 01:08:36,542
Thanks for coming, Dad.
617
01:08:42,125 --> 01:08:44,000
OK.
618
01:08:44,125 --> 01:08:46,625
To... Mike?
619
01:08:47,750 --> 01:08:48,750
Please.
620
01:08:50,542 --> 01:08:51,750
"To Mike.
621
01:08:52,667 --> 01:08:53,667
Be...
622
01:08:55,917 --> 01:08:56,792
...brave."
623
01:09:06,792 --> 01:09:08,042
There you go, Mike.
624
01:09:12,542 --> 01:09:15,500
- There you go, baby.
- Yep.
625
01:09:36,500 --> 01:09:38,708
I've seen a lot of writers
come and go.
626
01:09:42,833 --> 01:09:44,375
You got the stuff.
627
01:09:50,833 --> 01:09:53,458
Got something for you. Here.
628
01:09:55,750 --> 01:09:56,750
Here.
629
01:09:59,750 --> 01:10:02,875
It comes from the most
spiritual beach on Earth.
630
01:10:04,417 --> 01:10:05,750
Hold that.
631
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:09,458
You can hold it all.
632
01:10:12,625 --> 01:10:14,375
You're gonna hold it all, girl.
633
01:10:21,333 --> 01:10:22,333
So...
634
01:10:23,875 --> 01:10:25,250
So, what's next?
635
01:10:28,458 --> 01:10:31,750
- Next?
- Next. What is next? Next.
636
01:10:40,458 --> 01:10:42,500
I want to write
The Sound and the Fury.
637
01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:55,583
Of course you do, honey.
638
01:10:57,375 --> 01:10:58,708
Oh, boy.
639
01:11:03,875 --> 01:11:05,833
Here. Throw it and see
if I can catch it.
640
01:11:05,958 --> 01:11:07,292
- Ready?
- Yeah.
641
01:11:08,375 --> 01:11:09,958
Ah, shit!
642
01:11:11,625 --> 01:11:12,750
Ah.
643
01:11:14,125 --> 01:11:15,875
A lot riding on that going in.
644
01:11:19,875 --> 01:11:22,458
It has no metaphor.
645
01:11:22,583 --> 01:11:25,250
- OK.
- Fuck metaphors.
646
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,458
- OK.
- It's just a rock that fell.
647
01:11:37,750 --> 01:11:40,000
I'm gonna get the rock
and I'm gonna go pee.
648
01:11:40,125 --> 01:11:41,333
All right.
649
01:11:41,458 --> 01:11:44,125
Oh, yeah!
There we go! You got it!
650
01:11:47,875 --> 01:11:50,000
That was the last time
I saw him.
651
01:11:51,000 --> 01:11:53,125
You can write, girl!
652
01:11:53,250 --> 01:11:56,125
I'm of the opinion
that he drowned.
653
01:12:03,083 --> 01:12:06,875
Caddy wants to fuck.
She's insatiable.
654
01:12:07,500 --> 01:12:11,417
And because her neighbour boy man
has a giant pants bulge
655
01:12:11,542 --> 01:12:14,042
and a sound that comes out of him
instead of language,
656
01:12:14,167 --> 01:12:17,125
she goes over to his house
and she removes all of her clothes,
657
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:19,500
so he finally fucks her.
658
01:12:20,333 --> 01:12:22,208
And crushes her.
659
01:12:24,375 --> 01:12:28,375
He fucks her to death,
and she loves it!
660
01:12:28,958 --> 01:12:32,125
And she laughs until she cries,
and an ambulance has to come.
661
01:12:32,250 --> 01:12:33,708
But it's too late.
662
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:36,958
That is The Sound and the Fury.
663
01:12:38,375 --> 01:12:39,375
Trite.
664
01:12:40,958 --> 01:12:43,500
Look, I've already read
The Sound and the Fury.
665
01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:46,375
Reworking Faulkner
is some college shit.
666
01:12:51,458 --> 01:12:53,125
Maybe try something original.
667
01:12:56,250 --> 01:12:58,750
God, I hate them.
668
01:12:59,375 --> 01:13:02,583
Hey. What the hell does he know?
669
01:13:03,333 --> 01:13:06,875
It is original.
It's a fucking pastiche.
670
01:13:08,250 --> 01:13:10,250
- Hey!
- Ha! Hey.
671
01:13:10,750 --> 01:13:13,000
You want to go to the coast?
I got us a room.
672
01:13:13,125 --> 01:13:16,250
- Hi, Hannah.
- We're gonna work on these this weekend.
673
01:13:16,375 --> 01:13:18,625
- Right.
- Come on. Your fly's undone.
674
01:13:19,708 --> 01:13:20,833
Lids.
675
01:13:22,292 --> 01:13:23,583
What is that?
676
01:13:23,708 --> 01:13:24,708
Oh!
677
01:13:28,250 --> 01:13:29,708
I fucking dare you.
678
01:13:29,833 --> 01:13:32,125
Anything. Anytime.
Anything. Anytime.
679
01:13:32,250 --> 01:13:33,208
Come on.
680
01:13:33,333 --> 01:13:34,250
Anything. Anytime.
681
01:13:34,375 --> 01:13:35,625
Anything.
682
01:13:35,750 --> 01:13:37,625
Anytime.
683
01:13:37,750 --> 01:13:38,708
Whoa!
684
01:13:38,833 --> 01:13:40,750
Anywhere. Anything. Anytime.
685
01:13:40,875 --> 01:13:44,375
- Please be careful.
- To feel absolutely... nothing.
686
01:13:49,458 --> 01:13:52,708
I'm gonna go grab some firewood.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
687
01:14:15,875 --> 01:14:17,208
Is this like a...?
688
01:14:19,125 --> 01:14:20,833
A fuck trip?
689
01:14:25,625 --> 01:14:26,667
What?
690
01:14:29,083 --> 01:14:31,500
I've never...
I've never licked pussy.
691
01:14:33,042 --> 01:14:34,000
Oh!
692
01:15:40,792 --> 01:15:42,625
I wanted to stay like that.
693
01:15:52,208 --> 01:15:54,208
Outside of any word.
694
01:16:00,083 --> 01:16:02,583
Inside the unnamed wet.
695
01:16:30,375 --> 01:16:31,625
You OK?
696
01:17:18,250 --> 01:17:19,875
I love you, Lids.
697
01:17:30,833 --> 01:17:32,375
I really love you.
698
01:17:53,458 --> 01:17:54,542
Yeah.
699
01:17:55,083 --> 01:17:56,292
I'll see you later.
700
01:18:10,667 --> 01:18:11,833
In water...
701
01:18:13,208 --> 01:18:14,583
...like in books...
702
01:18:17,708 --> 01:18:19,292
...you can leave your life.
703
01:18:42,750 --> 01:18:44,667
- I got it. I got it.
- No!
704
01:18:44,792 --> 01:18:47,125
I remember
a happy childhood.
705
01:18:47,250 --> 01:18:48,750
- Ah!
- Come on, come on.
706
01:18:48,875 --> 01:18:51,083
We dive,
we swim, we race. We...
707
01:18:51,208 --> 01:18:52,917
Ooh, Lidia went fast that time.
708
01:18:53,042 --> 01:18:55,500
We laugh
like other people's children.
709
01:19:04,917 --> 01:19:06,917
I remember first
and last names
710
01:19:07,042 --> 01:19:10,458
like Evie Kosenkranius
and Lynn Collella Belle.
711
01:19:10,583 --> 01:19:12,208
Lynn Collella Belle.
712
01:19:12,333 --> 01:19:14,500
Lynn Collella Belle.
713
01:19:17,375 --> 01:19:19,625
Making song loops in my skull.
714
01:19:19,750 --> 01:19:23,292
♪ Lynn Collella
Lynn Collella Belle, Belle ♪
715
01:19:44,708 --> 01:19:45,750
Mono?
716
01:19:47,042 --> 01:19:48,625
Isn't that the kissing disease?
717
01:19:52,375 --> 01:19:54,708
No. Don't be silly.
718
01:19:57,875 --> 01:20:00,250
Everything's gonna be OK, Belle.
You'll see.
719
01:20:00,375 --> 01:20:01,750
You're gonna feel better.
720
01:20:04,708 --> 01:20:07,875
And your daddy's
gonna take real good care of you.
721
01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:11,750
- Aren't ya?
- We'll be all right.
722
01:20:11,875 --> 01:20:14,042
OK. Mama's gonna go
sell some houses.
723
01:20:17,125 --> 01:20:18,333
Hey, honey.
724
01:20:24,250 --> 01:20:25,208
My baby girl.
725
01:20:26,708 --> 01:20:28,625
You just give it
a couple of days.
726
01:20:32,375 --> 01:20:33,750
Shh.
727
01:20:35,125 --> 01:20:37,500
It is language
letting me say...
728
01:20:37,625 --> 01:20:40,750
- There you go.
- ...how four weeks can be years.
729
01:20:43,625 --> 01:20:46,208
It is the yielding expanse
730
01:20:46,333 --> 01:20:48,833
of a white page.
731
01:21:27,375 --> 01:21:29,125
Have you shown these to anyone?
732
01:21:32,125 --> 01:21:33,125
No.
733
01:21:41,333 --> 01:21:43,708
Skin. Scars.
734
01:21:46,750 --> 01:21:50,750
People always ask me
why my work is so dark.
735
01:21:53,208 --> 01:21:56,000
What do you know about pain, Lidia?
736
01:21:57,208 --> 01:21:58,458
Um...
737
01:22:01,500 --> 01:22:02,750
I know that...
738
01:22:04,833 --> 01:22:06,667
...it matters to me.
739
01:22:09,125 --> 01:22:11,000
I'm gonna take care of you.
740
01:22:15,583 --> 01:22:16,625
Do you understand?
741
01:22:22,625 --> 01:22:24,750
Now ask me
for what you want.
742
01:22:29,250 --> 01:22:30,625
Um...
743
01:22:32,500 --> 01:22:34,250
That's not right, angel.
744
01:22:34,750 --> 01:22:35,750
Um...
745
01:22:37,250 --> 01:22:38,000
Um...
746
01:22:39,750 --> 01:22:40,750
I...
747
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:45,125
...want you to...
748
01:22:46,750 --> 01:22:47,750
Hm?
749
01:22:49,208 --> 01:22:51,125
Knock it out of me.
750
01:22:57,292 --> 01:22:58,875
To whip me.
751
01:23:00,250 --> 01:23:04,083
Where would you like
to be whipped... angel?
752
01:23:08,500 --> 01:23:09,458
Everywhere.
753
01:23:15,375 --> 01:23:17,208
Take it somewhere.
754
01:23:20,458 --> 01:23:22,292
Take the pain somewhere.
755
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,333
Mama.
756
01:23:32,542 --> 01:23:35,583
Yeah.
757
01:23:40,625 --> 01:23:42,500
I am proud of you.
758
01:23:54,083 --> 01:23:55,917
I'm not trying
to creep you out.
759
01:24:04,292 --> 01:24:06,250
I'm trying to be precise.
760
01:24:15,792 --> 01:24:17,083
"...my mother was whining,
761
01:24:17,208 --> 01:24:18,500
Daddy was smelling my cunt.
762
01:24:18,625 --> 01:24:20,750
'I've reached my best moment now',
he explained.
763
01:24:20,875 --> 01:24:24,000
Now I was sure what he was referring to.
'This is the moment of truth.
764
01:24:24,125 --> 01:24:26,167
I'm going off, off, off,
jacking it off.
765
01:24:26,292 --> 01:24:29,417
My hands are gonna be broken.
I don't even recognise my own body.
766
01:24:29,542 --> 01:24:31,125
It doesn't matter.
I know you're mine.
767
01:24:31,250 --> 01:24:34,042
I made you, I'm making you.
I swore I'd live for pleasure.
768
01:24:34,167 --> 01:24:37,292
My tongue is fucking enormous.
Feel it. It's reaching down to my waist.
769
01:24:37,417 --> 01:24:40,167
You're seeing your actual father
in his moment of truth.
770
01:24:40,292 --> 01:24:43,958
God Almighty, nothing matters.
You're my God, my daughter, I worship you.
771
01:24:44,083 --> 01:24:45,708
I beg you to do it,
show I can please you.
772
01:24:45,833 --> 01:24:48,292
Now look at it.
It's big in my corkscrewing hand.
773
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:49,375
Kiss it.'
774
01:24:49,500 --> 01:24:51,792
My father explained again,
'I am fucking God.
775
01:24:51,917 --> 01:24:54,917
And I made God. Holy shit.
All I have to do is look at God,
776
01:24:55,042 --> 01:24:56,917
and God is happy
cos I've made God cum.
777
01:24:57,042 --> 01:24:58,875
God is in heaven.
I'm in heaven and I've died.
778
01:24:59,000 --> 01:25:01,542
The whole world in heaven.
I'm cumming all over your face.'
779
01:25:01,667 --> 01:25:04,292
- I licked up his sperm."
- This is making me sick.
780
01:25:23,917 --> 01:25:26,125
Who in the hell
do you think you are?
781
01:25:28,167 --> 01:25:29,792
My father's daughter.
782
01:26:11,542 --> 01:26:12,750
Goddammit.
783
01:26:13,917 --> 01:26:14,792
Year one.
784
01:26:14,917 --> 01:26:16,292
Vodka!
785
01:26:18,917 --> 01:26:21,500
I drink vodka,
mostly all the time.
786
01:26:21,917 --> 01:26:24,375
One shot in the eye,
shot in the eye.
787
01:26:24,500 --> 01:26:26,042
I felt nothing about myself.
788
01:26:29,792 --> 01:26:31,875
- We drink, we laugh, we...
- Fuck.
789
01:26:32,667 --> 01:26:34,583
We make fuck-body paint shadows.
790
01:26:36,375 --> 01:26:39,042
We make performance art.
We perform ourselves.
791
01:26:39,167 --> 01:26:40,625
Fuck you, God!
792
01:26:48,917 --> 01:26:50,542
Open the door!
793
01:26:52,500 --> 01:26:54,542
We carved each other's names
into our arms.
794
01:26:54,667 --> 01:26:56,458
I did it for you!
795
01:26:58,875 --> 01:26:59,875
Fuck!
796
01:27:04,792 --> 01:27:05,958
We fuck septic.
797
01:27:06,083 --> 01:27:09,000
It was right in front of me.
I could see what was happening.
798
01:27:09,125 --> 01:27:11,417
- You don't even realise.
- Realise what?
799
01:27:11,542 --> 01:27:13,417
Realise I'm gonna fucking marry you.
800
01:27:13,542 --> 01:27:14,542
Whoa! Oh!
801
01:27:17,875 --> 01:27:19,375
To Mike and Dorothy!
802
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:22,250
I'm so happy they fucked.
803
01:27:25,000 --> 01:27:27,750
To skip to year six.
804
01:27:27,875 --> 01:27:30,792
- Hey!
- When underwater stories start itching.
805
01:27:30,917 --> 01:27:33,542
And yelling begins a rhythm
where drinking gets louder...
806
01:27:33,667 --> 01:27:37,042
Go back to kissing women I know
and kissing women I don't know!
807
01:27:37,167 --> 01:27:39,375
And what is a couple
over time but a line?
808
01:27:39,500 --> 01:27:40,750
I'll show you a fucking line.
809
01:27:40,875 --> 01:27:43,250
Your fucking bullshit
is taking over the house!
810
01:27:43,375 --> 01:27:45,250
It was
taking over the house.
811
01:27:50,292 --> 01:27:52,042
Oh, no.
812
01:27:53,542 --> 01:27:54,542
Oh, no.
813
01:27:56,292 --> 01:27:57,292
Oh, no.
814
01:28:06,667 --> 01:28:07,667
Fuck.
815
01:28:13,042 --> 01:28:14,750
I don't wanna fuck.
816
01:28:16,292 --> 01:28:18,167
I want to read.
817
01:28:20,167 --> 01:28:21,292
Fuck you.
818
01:28:27,000 --> 01:28:28,750
I didn't want to drink.
819
01:28:31,167 --> 01:28:32,375
I wanted to write.
820
01:28:41,667 --> 01:28:43,875
What is a couple over time
but a line?
821
01:28:48,625 --> 01:28:50,875
Year seven,
I finish my dissertation.
822
01:28:57,417 --> 01:28:58,875
Year eight, I get a PhD.
823
01:29:15,875 --> 01:29:16,875
Year ten.
824
01:29:18,167 --> 01:29:19,417
We pretend.
825
01:29:23,875 --> 01:29:25,167
You said that...
826
01:29:28,625 --> 01:29:30,875
...you would love me until I die.
827
01:29:35,292 --> 01:29:38,250
You said we would die
together in love.
828
01:29:52,125 --> 01:29:53,875
You said that to me.
829
01:29:58,125 --> 01:29:59,458
Where are you?
830
01:30:06,250 --> 01:30:07,750
Where is the man?
831
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:26,125
Who would love
a woman like me?
832
01:31:09,875 --> 01:31:11,417
Don't you dare.
833
01:31:49,250 --> 01:31:50,250
Ha.
834
01:33:13,125 --> 01:33:15,375
"The date of your reading."
835
01:33:38,500 --> 01:33:39,542
What?
836
01:34:03,500 --> 01:34:05,125
Please welcome...
837
01:34:10,375 --> 01:34:13,167
...reading an excerpt
from her first collection
838
01:34:13,292 --> 01:34:15,083
of short stories,
Her Other Mouths,
839
01:34:15,208 --> 01:34:16,750
Lidia Yuknavitch.
840
01:34:20,000 --> 01:34:22,083
Lidia, please. Welcome.
841
01:34:37,000 --> 01:34:39,208
"The day
my daughter was born.
842
01:34:41,375 --> 01:34:43,125
After I held the future.
843
01:34:47,458 --> 01:34:48,750
Stillborn.
844
01:34:52,250 --> 01:34:53,333
And pink.
845
01:34:58,500 --> 01:35:00,000
And rose-lipped.
846
01:35:02,750 --> 01:35:05,625
And rose-lipped
in my shivering arms.
847
01:35:06,500 --> 01:35:10,250
Little tragedies
are difficult to keep straight."
848
01:35:15,250 --> 01:35:18,833
"Chronology convinces us
we are moving toward a real place.
849
01:35:18,958 --> 01:35:21,250
'Swimmers, to your marks. "'
850
01:35:22,500 --> 01:35:23,708
"A gunshot.
851
01:35:24,375 --> 01:35:26,750
A gunshot released
our tense flesh.
852
01:35:28,250 --> 01:35:30,625
Fathers were often uncontainable
853
01:35:30,750 --> 01:35:33,208
while the little women swam
for their lives.
854
01:35:33,333 --> 01:35:34,458
Swim.
855
01:35:35,625 --> 01:35:37,708
'Swim!"'
856
01:35:37,833 --> 01:35:39,292
"'Hurry!"'
857
01:35:39,417 --> 01:35:42,125
"'Come on, baby.
858
01:35:43,250 --> 01:35:44,583
Harder."'
859
01:35:44,708 --> 01:35:47,833
' "Harder! Faster!'"
860
01:35:47,958 --> 01:35:51,458
"A cacophony of men swelling
861
01:35:51,583 --> 01:35:54,833
and pressing down
on the wet motion."
862
01:35:56,833 --> 01:36:00,708
"How many times did I slip
into the chlorinated depths,
863
01:36:01,583 --> 01:36:06,250
secretly hoping
to shed this useless skin
864
01:36:06,375 --> 01:36:08,583
and emerge something..."
865
01:36:13,375 --> 01:36:14,708
"...amphibious...
866
01:36:16,875 --> 01:36:18,583
...and without gender?
867
01:36:26,875 --> 01:36:28,125
The thing is...
868
01:36:32,250 --> 01:36:35,750
...this letting everything in...
869
01:36:37,208 --> 01:36:40,083
...and waiting to see
what comes out...
870
01:36:43,250 --> 01:36:44,583
...is creepy...
871
01:36:46,125 --> 01:36:47,500
...and idiotic.
872
01:36:49,375 --> 01:36:52,958
And it's starting to piss me off
873
01:36:53,083 --> 01:36:56,833
that I have to even
think about that hole."
874
01:36:58,250 --> 01:36:59,500
"What I am saying is...
875
01:37:04,208 --> 01:37:08,750
...there is a woman in a room
who is tired of looking down...
876
01:37:11,625 --> 01:37:13,000
...and bleeding...
877
01:37:14,208 --> 01:37:16,875
...and bearing and itching
878
01:37:17,500 --> 01:37:18,958
and aching...
879
01:37:20,250 --> 01:37:23,458
...and tired of remaining open
880
01:37:24,333 --> 01:37:27,875
with no hope of suturing herself up.
881
01:37:38,458 --> 01:37:40,625
It isn't that I want it gone.
882
01:37:44,333 --> 01:37:45,500
It's that...
883
01:37:46,500 --> 01:37:49,375
...I want wanting...
884
01:37:51,375 --> 01:37:54,750
...to come from somewhere else."
885
01:38:00,500 --> 01:38:05,083
"There are moments between years
that surface with great force."
886
01:38:06,708 --> 01:38:08,333
Remind me why we're here.
887
01:38:08,458 --> 01:38:10,583
I thought this was your idea.
888
01:38:10,708 --> 01:38:11,583
I came here with you.
889
01:38:16,708 --> 01:38:17,708
Delusion.
890
01:38:20,500 --> 01:38:22,250
Grown women are idiots.
891
01:38:24,000 --> 01:38:25,208
I don't know.
892
01:38:26,250 --> 01:38:27,625
She begged.
893
01:38:33,750 --> 01:38:35,375
I changed my name.
894
01:38:41,417 --> 01:38:42,708
Mike!
895
01:38:43,875 --> 01:38:46,375
Lidia! Lidia!
896
01:38:47,125 --> 01:38:49,458
Lidia! Lidia!
897
01:38:49,583 --> 01:38:51,625
Mike! Lidia!
898
01:38:51,750 --> 01:38:54,500
- Lidia!
- Turn him over!
899
01:38:54,625 --> 01:38:55,625
Help me!
900
01:39:15,125 --> 01:39:16,125
"Kill.
901
01:39:17,875 --> 01:39:20,208
Or suck the killing back.
902
01:39:24,750 --> 01:39:26,250
And pump it...
903
01:39:27,375 --> 01:39:30,583
...into the story of someone else."
904
01:39:33,750 --> 01:39:37,875
"My father lost his memory
from hypoxia that day."
905
01:39:42,625 --> 01:39:44,750
"I did not kill him.
906
01:39:46,500 --> 01:39:47,875
I did not save him.
907
01:39:49,750 --> 01:39:53,083
I am learning to live on land."
908
01:39:56,792 --> 01:39:57,792
Um...
909
01:40:02,333 --> 01:40:04,083
Thanks. Oh, that's... That's...
910
01:40:19,458 --> 01:40:22,542
- Have your parents read this story?
- Mm-hm.
911
01:40:22,667 --> 01:40:25,125
Enjoy New York.
You're gonna get an agent.
912
01:40:29,250 --> 01:40:32,333
Lidia, it's so nice to meet you.
Thank you for being here.
913
01:40:32,458 --> 01:40:33,875
Excuse me.
914
01:40:34,792 --> 01:40:36,708
Do you have anything, um...
915
01:40:37,708 --> 01:40:39,917
...a little stronger?
916
01:40:40,375 --> 01:40:41,292
Thanks.
917
01:40:46,708 --> 01:40:48,708
Carol Houck Smith,
Norton Publishing.
918
01:40:50,917 --> 01:40:52,583
It's pretty impressive
what you did up there.
919
01:40:54,417 --> 01:40:55,417
Thank you.
920
01:40:55,958 --> 01:40:57,708
No, really.
921
01:40:58,708 --> 01:41:00,083
It didn't look easy.
922
01:41:01,167 --> 01:41:04,167
Tell me, is there any more
where that came from?
923
01:41:04,292 --> 01:41:06,292
Something a little longer?
924
01:41:10,417 --> 01:41:12,083
You should send me something.
925
01:41:16,958 --> 01:41:18,458
It's just that...
926
01:41:21,542 --> 01:41:25,708
...something in me had been born...
927
01:41:27,000 --> 01:41:27,958
...still.
928
01:41:35,458 --> 01:41:38,792
♪ And there you got me
That's how you got me
929
01:41:38,917 --> 01:41:41,542
♪ You taught me to be mean
930
01:41:45,708 --> 01:41:48,208
♪ But I ran
931
01:41:48,333 --> 01:41:50,542
♪ Out of
932
01:41:50,667 --> 01:41:53,083
♪ White doves'
933
01:41:53,208 --> 01:41:54,917
♪ Feathers
934
01:41:55,042 --> 01:41:57,750
♪ To soak up the hot piss
935
01:41:57,875 --> 01:42:00,083
♪ That comes from your mouth... ♪
936
01:42:00,208 --> 01:42:02,458
It's a small stone I carry.
937
01:42:06,583 --> 01:42:09,042
The shame of wanting
something good.
938
01:42:10,208 --> 01:42:14,458
♪ White doves' feathers... ♪
939
01:42:57,500 --> 01:42:59,583
I hate my life!
940
01:45:08,458 --> 01:45:10,458
Fucking trash.
941
01:45:12,375 --> 01:45:14,458
Hey, what are you doing?
Keep it moving.
942
01:45:33,917 --> 01:45:34,917
Hi.
943
01:45:38,833 --> 01:45:40,042
Chopping block.
944
01:45:40,542 --> 01:45:41,667
Peer review.
945
01:45:42,208 --> 01:45:43,958
Who wants to go first?
946
01:45:45,542 --> 01:45:46,958
Really helpful.
947
01:45:47,083 --> 01:45:49,417
You know,
you can't live the wrong life.
948
01:45:49,542 --> 01:45:51,333
You really can't.
It's a story you were told.
949
01:45:51,458 --> 01:45:53,917
Your one is just as important,
it's your own.
950
01:45:54,042 --> 01:45:56,167
It has to hurt.
But I'm excited for you.
951
01:46:48,167 --> 01:46:49,833
I don't give a shit!
952
01:46:49,958 --> 01:46:50,833
Now what?
953
01:46:53,333 --> 01:46:56,833
Something small and specific
caught my eye.
954
01:46:56,958 --> 01:47:01,083
An important detail.
A bruise on the bridge of her nose
955
01:47:01,208 --> 01:47:03,458
letting me know
her eyes were blue, like mine.
956
01:47:03,583 --> 01:47:04,583
Hey!
957
01:47:06,833 --> 01:47:08,125
How much?
958
01:47:10,667 --> 01:47:14,083
I pay her pimp $100.
I ask her in.
959
01:47:14,917 --> 01:47:16,167
I tell her to sit down.
960
01:47:20,167 --> 01:47:22,167
In the story, I say...
961
01:47:22,292 --> 01:47:24,583
This is what it feels like
to be me.
962
01:47:25,625 --> 01:47:27,958
A woman who teaches English,
963
01:47:28,458 --> 01:47:31,458
looking down at a woman
who sucks dicks all day
964
01:47:31,583 --> 01:47:35,083
as she sits on my couch, smoking.
965
01:47:37,042 --> 01:47:40,792
When I look at her,
I think she looks like Mary.
966
01:47:42,333 --> 01:47:44,792
Whenever I see an image of Christ,
967
01:47:45,458 --> 01:47:47,958
I picture Mary so drawn
and gaunt and tired
968
01:47:48,083 --> 01:47:49,833
and angry to the point of emaciation
969
01:47:49,958 --> 01:47:52,042
that she can barely wear
her own face.
970
01:48:02,792 --> 01:48:05,333
In the story, I say...
971
01:48:07,708 --> 01:48:09,208
"What am I gonna do?
972
01:48:10,292 --> 01:48:11,333
Teach her?"
973
01:48:14,208 --> 01:48:17,958
This is what me, an addict,
upwardly mobile,
974
01:48:18,542 --> 01:48:21,042
given something
as infinitesimally small
975
01:48:21,167 --> 01:48:23,458
as words to believe in, thinks.
976
01:48:24,208 --> 01:48:25,583
I'm looking at her.
977
01:48:30,708 --> 01:48:32,167
Offer words.
978
01:48:45,958 --> 01:48:47,625
People say to me all the time...
979
01:48:49,208 --> 01:48:52,958
"Did the things in your short stories
actually happen?"
980
01:48:56,083 --> 01:48:57,542
Isn't that the...
981
01:48:58,542 --> 01:48:59,917
...the question...
982
01:49:00,958 --> 01:49:02,542
...when it comes to life?
983
01:49:06,667 --> 01:49:07,917
Like...
984
01:49:08,375 --> 01:49:10,333
Did this really happen to me?
985
01:49:19,083 --> 01:49:20,167
Andy.
986
01:49:22,042 --> 01:49:23,042
I don't know.
987
01:49:31,083 --> 01:49:33,792
The things that happen to us
are true.
988
01:49:36,583 --> 01:49:40,458
But writing
is a whole other body.
989
01:49:41,667 --> 01:49:44,417
I was hoping
we could discuss my manuscript.
990
01:49:45,583 --> 01:49:48,167
Oh. Of course. Yeah.
991
01:49:50,958 --> 01:49:52,792
I also want to loan you my car.
992
01:49:56,792 --> 01:49:58,958
Saw you were taking the bus, and...
993
01:49:59,958 --> 01:50:01,708
...I happen to have two cars.
994
01:50:15,750 --> 01:50:16,708
Hey.
995
01:50:40,042 --> 01:50:43,292
You can tell a lot about a person
from seeing them in the water.
996
01:50:45,042 --> 01:50:46,250
Thank you.
997
01:50:49,542 --> 01:50:52,792
- For what?
- For letting me swim with you.
998
01:50:52,917 --> 01:50:56,375
I read a couple of your stories.
I know that swimming's a big deal.
999
01:50:57,875 --> 01:50:59,708
I always let my students
choose the venue.
1000
01:51:01,042 --> 01:51:04,250
I wanted to say I've seen you
a couple of times before.
1001
01:51:04,833 --> 01:51:07,500
I read about Ken Kesey teaching
at U of O when I was abroad,
1002
01:51:07,625 --> 01:51:10,792
and I applied to the programme,
but it already happened.
1003
01:51:11,792 --> 01:51:13,250
No shit. That's funny.
1004
01:51:13,375 --> 01:51:15,292
Yeah, I know.
1005
01:51:15,417 --> 01:51:18,625
Then I'd seen you stomping around
the creative writing department.
1006
01:51:20,375 --> 01:51:22,500
I was in the reading you gave
at Gerlinger.
1007
01:51:25,625 --> 01:51:26,750
Wow. That's...
1008
01:51:29,625 --> 01:51:32,250
That's weird. Weird.
1009
01:51:36,125 --> 01:51:37,917
That was a weird day for me.
1010
01:51:40,542 --> 01:51:41,542
Why?
1011
01:51:50,417 --> 01:51:51,625
My father...
1012
01:51:54,417 --> 01:51:55,875
...was... My f...
1013
01:51:56,792 --> 01:51:57,917
My father...
1014
01:52:01,417 --> 01:52:02,417
Your father?
1015
01:52:05,250 --> 01:52:06,667
...was abusive.
1016
01:52:09,667 --> 01:52:10,667
Your father.
1017
01:52:13,583 --> 01:52:14,750
How so?
1018
01:52:17,292 --> 01:52:18,292
Sexual.
1019
01:52:19,250 --> 01:52:20,250
Oh.
1020
01:52:22,042 --> 01:52:23,167
That sucks.
1021
01:52:32,750 --> 01:52:35,542
I hope something karmically fucked
happened to him.
1022
01:52:36,917 --> 01:52:37,917
Yeah.
1023
01:52:41,417 --> 01:52:43,292
It kind of actually did.
1024
01:52:44,792 --> 01:52:46,208
Excellent, then.
1025
01:52:54,542 --> 01:52:58,167
Blah. It was a long time ago.
I was a totally different person then.
1026
01:52:59,750 --> 01:53:01,167
So, who are you now?
1027
01:53:03,667 --> 01:53:04,875
I'm your teacher.
1028
01:53:11,792 --> 01:53:13,750
So, Teach,
are you gonna take my car?
1029
01:53:38,167 --> 01:53:41,417
I don't quite know
how to tell you what it feels like...
1030
01:53:44,542 --> 01:53:47,500
...watching the little woman swim
for her life.
1031
01:53:50,250 --> 01:53:51,667
I mean...
1032
01:54:13,917 --> 01:54:15,708
Are you fucking insane?
1033
01:54:23,167 --> 01:54:24,458
No.
1034
01:54:33,792 --> 01:54:36,000
You think
I'm someone else.
1035
01:54:37,208 --> 01:54:38,125
Mm-mm.
1036
01:54:43,750 --> 01:54:45,375
I can see the mother in you.
1037
01:54:55,250 --> 01:54:57,542
There's more to your story
than you think.
1038
01:55:28,042 --> 01:55:29,042
Yeah!
1039
01:56:31,500 --> 01:56:32,875
Mm-hm.
1040
01:56:33,542 --> 01:56:34,750
Mm-hm.
1041
01:56:37,500 --> 01:56:38,583
Oh!
1042
01:56:52,917 --> 01:56:56,167
- Oh, it's very nice.
- This is it.
1043
01:56:56,292 --> 01:56:57,542
Very nice.
1044
01:56:58,250 --> 01:57:00,750
We're gonna go this way, sir,
on the left.
1045
01:57:00,875 --> 01:57:02,000
Oh, yeah.
1046
01:57:22,542 --> 01:57:24,167
What about the room?
1047
01:57:24,875 --> 01:57:27,292
They said it would be ready tomorrow
for sure.
1048
01:57:27,417 --> 01:57:28,417
OK.
1049
01:57:31,917 --> 01:57:34,792
That must have been
a very weird ride.
1050
01:57:40,292 --> 01:57:41,667
Thank you.
1051
01:57:41,792 --> 01:57:44,292
You don't ever
have to say thank you to me.
1052
01:57:51,625 --> 01:57:54,542
- I'm good.
- Yeah?
1053
01:57:55,542 --> 01:57:56,542
Yeah.
1054
01:58:10,750 --> 01:58:12,917
- Hi, Dad.
- Marilou?
1055
01:58:14,000 --> 01:58:15,583
No. It's me. It's Lidia.
1056
01:58:16,625 --> 01:58:17,667
I know that, kiddo.
1057
01:58:20,792 --> 01:58:21,875
Huh...
1058
01:58:22,000 --> 01:58:23,000
Oh!
1059
01:58:29,417 --> 01:58:30,625
I read that book.
1060
01:58:31,667 --> 01:58:33,167
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1061
01:58:35,042 --> 01:58:36,417
Do you know who wrote it?
1062
01:58:37,167 --> 01:58:38,167
Um...
1063
01:58:41,458 --> 01:58:42,375
You.
1064
01:58:43,250 --> 01:58:44,250
That's right.
1065
01:58:48,042 --> 01:58:50,792
- Did you read all of the stories?
- I, uh...
1066
01:58:52,750 --> 01:58:54,500
There was one about swimming.
1067
01:58:57,375 --> 01:58:58,458
I liked that.
1068
01:59:00,500 --> 01:59:01,500
Thank you.
1069
01:59:03,750 --> 01:59:05,875
Not very flattering of me, though.
1070
01:59:09,000 --> 01:59:10,417
That's fair enough.
1071
01:59:10,792 --> 01:59:11,792
Huh...
1072
01:59:19,667 --> 01:59:23,250
You know,
I won a prize for that story.
1073
01:59:24,667 --> 01:59:26,292
I got to go to New York.
1074
01:59:32,750 --> 01:59:33,833
Huh.
1075
01:59:36,125 --> 01:59:38,125
Well, isn't that something, huh?
1076
01:59:42,792 --> 01:59:44,042
It's beautiful here.
1077
01:59:45,750 --> 01:59:46,750
It's a...
1078
01:59:47,542 --> 01:59:49,750
It's a real home you have here.
1079
01:59:54,750 --> 01:59:55,750
Well done.
1080
01:59:57,417 --> 01:59:58,625
Well done, you.
1081
02:00:00,417 --> 02:00:02,750
The safest memories
are locked away in the brains
1082
02:00:02,875 --> 02:00:04,500
of people who can't remember.
1083
02:00:04,625 --> 02:00:07,042
Oh! Oh! Get her, Mike!
Get her, Mike!
1084
02:00:08,375 --> 02:00:10,583
You know I don't swim!
Claudia, go get your sister!
1085
02:00:12,792 --> 02:00:14,958
Underwater forever.
1086
02:00:17,208 --> 02:00:18,625
There you go, pal.
1087
02:00:20,250 --> 02:00:22,125
Look, I'm doing 'wimming.
1088
02:00:22,750 --> 02:00:25,875
Wow!
1089
02:00:34,500 --> 02:00:35,917
What's wrong?
1090
02:00:36,042 --> 02:00:39,250
The water will go
in my nose and ears
1091
02:00:39,375 --> 02:00:41,000
and into my brain.
1092
02:00:42,875 --> 02:00:44,500
Uh, Miles?
1093
02:00:47,333 --> 02:00:50,250
How many times have you seen
1094
02:00:50,375 --> 02:00:53,167
Mama swimming and swimming laps?
1095
02:00:54,833 --> 02:00:56,917
Lots of times, right?
1096
02:00:57,042 --> 02:01:00,375
- Yeah.
- Have you ever noticed
1097
02:01:00,500 --> 02:01:03,875
that I've never got water
in my brain?
1098
02:01:06,875 --> 02:01:08,875
Water's never gone into my brain.
1099
02:01:09,500 --> 02:01:11,125
- You want to see?
- Hm.
1100
02:01:11,250 --> 02:01:14,125
Watch this. Tell me how much water
goes in my brain.
1101
02:01:14,250 --> 02:01:15,500
- OK?
- OK.
1102
02:01:25,708 --> 02:01:26,583
See?
1103
02:01:28,542 --> 02:01:29,875
OK, pull.
1104
02:01:30,000 --> 02:01:32,625
I have
a very important game.
1105
02:01:34,583 --> 02:01:38,083
I'm gonna put my whole head
underwater.
1106
02:01:38,542 --> 02:01:39,583
OK.
1107
02:01:39,708 --> 02:01:43,000
And we look at each other
underwater.
1108
02:01:44,792 --> 02:01:47,292
- What game is this?
- I made it up.
1109
02:02:00,000 --> 02:02:01,458
The key is...
1110
02:02:03,167 --> 02:02:04,542
...make up shit.
1111
02:02:14,167 --> 02:02:17,417
I'm not speaking out of my asshole
when I say this.
1112
02:02:19,500 --> 02:02:20,417
Come in.
1113
02:02:23,917 --> 02:02:25,417
The water will hold you.
1114
02:05:00,167 --> 02:05:01,542
Anything.
1115
02:05:05,500 --> 02:05:06,917
Anything. Anywhere.
1116
02:05:07,042 --> 02:05:09,000
Anything. Anywhere. Anything.
1117
02:05:09,125 --> 02:05:11,917
Anywhere. Anything. Anywhere.
Anything. Anywhere.
1118
02:05:13,917 --> 02:05:15,250
Anything.
1119
02:05:17,125 --> 02:05:18,208
Anything.
1120
02:05:18,333 --> 02:05:19,667
Anything.
1121
02:08:09,500 --> 02:08:10,875
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