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I'm Jordan Klepper, and this is the anal
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I'm Jordan Klepper, and this is the anal
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I'm Jordan Klepper, and this is the anal
A zone.
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A zone.
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A zone.
>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
[cheering]
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[cheering]
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[cheering]
>> 70% sure that's how you pronounce it.
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>> 70% sure that's how you pronounce it.
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>> 70% sure that's how you pronounce it.
Tonight, we're talking about the
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Tonight, we're talking about the
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Tonight, we're talking about the
election for governor in California. And
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election for governor in California. And
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election for governor in California. And
after frontrunner Eric Swalwell dropped
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after frontrunner Eric Swalwell dropped
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after frontrunner Eric Swalwell dropped
out to spend more time with his
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out to spend more time with his
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out to spend more time with his
lawsuits, this race is wide open. For
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lawsuits, this race is wide open. For
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lawsuits, this race is wide open. For
the first time in 20 years, a Republican
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the first time in 20 years, a Republican
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the first time in 20 years, a Republican
could win statewide office.
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could win statewide office.
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could win statewide office.
>> And because of California's jungle
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>> And because of California's jungle
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>> And because of California's jungle
primary, Democrats could wind up shut
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primary, Democrats could wind up shut
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primary, Democrats could wind up shut
out of the general election if none of
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out of the general election if none of
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out of the general election if none of
them make it to those top two slots.
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them make it to those top two slots.
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them make it to those top two slots.
Okay, sure. A Republican could win, but
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Okay, sure. A Republican could win, but
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Okay, sure. A Republican could win, but
this is California. All the Democrats
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this is California. All the Democrats
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this is California. All the Democrats
have to do is find a candidate with the
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have to do is find a candidate with the
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have to do is find a candidate with the
slightest bit of charisma, and this
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slightest bit of charisma, and this
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slightest bit of charisma, and this
thing is just over. How about uh how
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thing is just over. How about uh how
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thing is just over. How about uh how
about former HHS Secretary Xavier
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about former HHS Secretary Xavier
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about former HHS Secretary Xavier
Becerra? Just finished a session session
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Becerra? Just finished a session session
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Becerra? Just finished a session session
to talk about the governor's race at the
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to talk about the governor's race at the
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to talk about the governor's race at the
theater.
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theater.
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theater.
Finished my session.
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Finished my session.
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Finished my session.
I deserve a little treat.
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I deserve a little treat.
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I deserve a little treat.
>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
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>> [laughter]
[cheering]
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>> Yikes.
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>> Yikes.
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>> Yikes.
This feels like running into your math
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This feels like running into your math
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This feels like running into your math
teacher at the mall.
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teacher at the mall.
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teacher at the mall.
Wow, great to see you out, Mr. Becerra.
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Wow, great to see you out, Mr. Becerra.
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Wow, great to see you out, Mr. Becerra.
Cool drink. Okay, fine. Fine. How about
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Cool drink. Okay, fine. Fine. How about
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Cool drink. Okay, fine. Fine. How about
uh you, billionaire Tom Steyer? Let's
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uh you, billionaire Tom Steyer? Let's
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uh you, billionaire Tom Steyer? Let's
see if if that you have that that that
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see if if that you have that that that
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see if if that you have that that that
California cool.
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Hello.
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I never thought I'd say this, but I
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I never thought I'd say this, but I
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I never thought I'd say this, but I
think I prefer the real Love Actually.
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think I prefer the real Love Actually.
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think I prefer the real Love Actually.
Okay, you know what? We're we're looking
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Okay, you know what? We're we're looking
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Okay, you know what? We're we're looking
for someone with a little more energy
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for someone with a little more energy
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for someone with a little more energy
here. How about Katie Porter? You
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here. How about Katie Porter? You
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here. How about Katie Porter? You
>> I don't want to keep doing this. I'm
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>> I don't want to keep doing this. I'm
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>> I don't want to keep doing this. I'm
going to call it. Thank you.
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You're not going to do the interview
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You're not going to do the interview
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You're not going to do the interview
with us.
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with us.
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with us.
>> Nope, not like this I'm not. Okay, all
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>> Nope, not like this I'm not. Okay, all
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>> Nope, not like this I'm not. Okay, all
right.
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right.
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right.
Maybe not that kind of energy. I just I
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Maybe not that kind of energy. I just I
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Maybe not that kind of energy. I just I
just want a real human being. How about
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just want a real human being. How about
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just want a real human being. How about
you, Matt Mahan? You know, some mayors
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you, Matt Mahan? You know, some mayors
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you, Matt Mahan? You know, some mayors
have photos [music] at the airport in
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have photos [music] at the airport in
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have photos [music] at the airport in
the cities they represent. Others have
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the cities they represent. Others have
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the cities they represent. Others have
plaques. Here in the capital of Silicon
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plaques. Here in the capital of Silicon
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plaques. Here in the capital of Silicon
Valley, I have a hologram. Digital
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Valley, I have a hologram. Digital
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Valley, I have a hologram. Digital
mayor,
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mayor,
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mayor,
>> [music]
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>> [music]
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>> [music]
>> what are your thoughts on giving me a
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>> what are your thoughts on giving me a
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>> what are your thoughts on giving me a
raise this year?
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I'm focused on welcoming visitors and
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I'm focused on welcoming visitors and
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I'm focused on welcoming visitors and
sharing San Jose.
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sharing San Jose.
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sharing San Jose.
Man, it's going to be really strange
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Man, it's going to be really strange
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Man, it's going to be really strange
when a new mom goes into that pod to
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when a new mom goes into that pod to
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when a new mom goes into that pod to
breastfeed before her flight.
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breastfeed before her flight.
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breastfeed before her flight.
Hi, I'm Digital Mayor Matt Mahan. It
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Hi, I'm Digital Mayor Matt Mahan. It
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Hi, I'm Digital Mayor Matt Mahan. It
looks like you're whipping out your
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looks like you're whipping out your
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looks like you're whipping out your
bazongas to nurture your child. Can I
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bazongas to nurture your child. Can I
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bazongas to nurture your child. Can I
help you with that?
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help you with that?
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help you with that?
You see the problem? All these Dems are
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You see the problem? All these Dems are
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You see the problem? All these Dems are
rizzless, and it's left the door open
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rizzless, and it's left the door open
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rizzless, and it's left the door open
for Republicans like this guy, Sheriff
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for Republicans like this guy, Sheriff
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for Republicans like this guy, Sheriff
Chad Bianco. Now, his vibe is kind of
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Chad Bianco. Now, his vibe is kind of
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Chad Bianco. Now, his vibe is kind of
all the Village People at once.
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all the Village People at once.
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all the Village People at once.
And I will admit, Chad Bianco is a very
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And I will admit, Chad Bianco is a very
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And I will admit, Chad Bianco is a very
strong name. It's the kind of name that
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strong name. It's the kind of name that
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strong name. It's the kind of name that
gives you permission to speak about
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gives you permission to speak about
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gives you permission to speak about
yourself in the third person.
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yourself in the third person.
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yourself in the third person.
Chad Bianco will have the seabass, thank
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Chad Bianco will have the seabass, thank
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Chad Bianco will have the seabass, thank
you very much.
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you very much.
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you very much.
So, you know what? Let's hear it from
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So, you know what? Let's hear it from
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So, you know what? Let's hear it from
this macho man himself. Chad Bianco,
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this macho man himself. Chad Bianco,
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this macho man himself. Chad Bianco,
what are you bringing to the table? I am
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what are you bringing to the table? I am
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what are you bringing to the table? I am
the antithesis to California state
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the antithesis to California state
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the antithesis to California state
government.
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You whiffed on that antithesis there,
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You whiffed on that antithesis there,
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You whiffed on that antithesis there,
Chad.
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Chad.
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Chad.
You know what? I guess that's why this
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You know what? I guess that's why this
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You know what? I guess that's why this
primary is somehow being led by
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primary is somehow being led by
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primary is somehow being led by
Republican Steve Hilton, who despite
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Republican Steve Hilton, who despite
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Republican Steve Hilton, who despite
what you might think isn't part of the
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what you might think isn't part of the
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what you might think isn't part of the
hotel family or the Moby family. No.
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hotel family or the Moby family. No.
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hotel family or the Moby family. No.
Hilton is a former Fox News host, and
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Hilton is a former Fox News host, and
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Hilton is a former Fox News host, and
he's got Donald Trump's endorsement,
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he's got Donald Trump's endorsement,
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he's got Donald Trump's endorsement,
which would put him at odds with most
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which would put him at odds with most
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which would put him at odds with most
California voters. So, he must have a
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California voters. So, he must have a
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California voters. So, he must have a
background that that resonates with
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background that that resonates with
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background that that resonates with
them. It all started with freedom. I was
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them. It all started with freedom. I was
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them. It all started with freedom. I was
born in England. My earliest political
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born in England. My earliest political
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born in England. My earliest political
memory was Mrs. Thatcher. Oh.
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memory was Mrs. Thatcher. Oh.
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memory was Mrs. Thatcher. Oh.
Okay.
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Okay.
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Okay.
He was born in England, but I'm I'm
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He was born in England, but I'm I'm
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He was born in England, but I'm I'm
assuming he came to America as a young
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assuming he came to America as a young
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assuming he came to America as a young
boy. My parents were so proud [music]
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boy. My parents were so proud [music]
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boy. My parents were so proud [music]
when I made it to Oxford University. And
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when I made it to Oxford University. And
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when I made it to Oxford University. And
then when I got a job with the
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then when I got a job with the
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then when I got a job with the
Conservative Party, working for Margaret
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Conservative Party, working for Margaret
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Conservative Party, working for Margaret
Thatcher.
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Thatcher.
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Thatcher.
Okay.
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Okay.
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Okay.
Still in England through college, worked
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Still in England through college, worked
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Still in England through college, worked
for Margaret Thatcher, et cetera, et
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for Margaret Thatcher, et cetera, et
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for Margaret Thatcher, et cetera, et
cetera. Okay, then but but then then it
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cetera. Okay, then but but then then it
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cetera. Okay, then but but then then it
was it was time to move to America. I
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was it was time to move to America. I
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was it was time to move to America. I
started [music] a business, even a
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started [music] a business, even a
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started [music] a business, even a
couple of restaurants. Later, I helped
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couple of restaurants. Later, I helped
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couple of restaurants. Later, I helped
elect a prime minister,
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elect a prime minister,
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elect a prime minister,
worked in 10 Downing [music] Street.
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worked in 10 Downing [music] Street.
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worked in 10 Downing [music] Street.
WHEN THE DID THIS GUY MOVE TO AMERICA?
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WHEN THE DID THIS GUY MOVE TO AMERICA?
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WHEN THE DID THIS GUY MOVE TO AMERICA?
>> [laughter]
238
00:04:36,990 --> 00:04:37,000
>> [laughter]
239
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,830
>> [laughter]
>> IS HE RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OR GOV'NA,
240
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:38,840
>> IS HE RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OR GOV'NA,
241
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,988
>> IS HE RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OR GOV'NA,
HUH?
242
00:04:40,988 --> 00:04:40,998
HUH?
243
00:04:40,998 --> 00:04:41,390
HUH?
>> [cheering]
244
00:04:41,390 --> 00:04:41,400
>> [cheering]
245
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,230
>> [cheering]
>> DID HE DECIDE TO ENTER THE RACE ON THE
246
00:04:43,230 --> 00:04:43,240
>> DID HE DECIDE TO ENTER THE RACE ON THE
247
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:46,030
>> DID HE DECIDE TO ENTER THE RACE ON THE
flight over?
248
00:04:46,030 --> 00:04:46,040
flight over?
249
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,190
flight over?
Do you have anything to declare at
250
00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:47,200
Do you have anything to declare at
251
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,710
Do you have anything to declare at
customs? Uh yeah, my candidacy for
252
00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:49,720
customs? Uh yeah, my candidacy for
253
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,430
customs? Uh yeah, my candidacy for
gov'na of California.
254
00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:52,440
gov'na of California.
255
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,390
gov'na of California.
Okay, so when did this guy finally move
256
00:04:55,390 --> 00:04:55,400
Okay, so when did this guy finally move
257
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,630
Okay, so when did this guy finally move
here? In 2012, [music]
258
00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:57,640
here? In 2012, [music]
259
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,430
here? In 2012, [music]
we moved to America, to California.
260
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:00,440
we moved to America, to California.
261
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,310
we moved to America, to California.
2012?
262
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:02,320
2012?
263
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,430
2012?
The office came to America before he
264
00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:04,440
The office came to America before he
265
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,990
The office came to America before he
did.
266
00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:07,000
267
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,830
And on behalf of the Comedy Central
268
00:05:08,830 --> 00:05:08,840
And on behalf of the Comedy Central
269
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,430
And on behalf of the Comedy Central
Programming Department, we thank you.
270
00:05:12,430 --> 00:05:12,440
Programming Department, we thank you.
271
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,150
Programming Department, we thank you.
All right, Stevie, enough about merry
272
00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:14,160
All right, Stevie, enough about merry
273
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,550
All right, Stevie, enough about merry
old England. What's your vision for
274
00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:15,560
old England. What's your vision for
275
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,030
old England. What's your vision for
California? Great jobs, great homes,
276
00:05:18,030 --> 00:05:18,040
California? Great jobs, great homes,
277
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:18,830
California? Great jobs, great homes,
great kids.
278
00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:18,840
great kids.
279
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,870
great kids.
>> Great jobs, great homes, great kids.
280
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:20,880
>> Great jobs, great homes, great kids.
281
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,710
>> Great jobs, great homes, great kids.
Great jobs, great homes, great kids.
282
00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:23,720
Great jobs, great homes, great kids.
283
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,710
Great jobs, great homes, great kids.
Great kids?
284
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:25,720
Great kids?
285
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,430
Great kids?
This British guy just fell out of the
286
00:05:27,430 --> 00:05:27,440
This British guy just fell out of the
287
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,110
This British guy just fell out of the
sky, and now he's going to tell you how
288
00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:29,120
sky, and now he's going to tell you how
289
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,550
sky, and now he's going to tell you how
to raise your kids? He's like bald Mary
290
00:05:31,550 --> 00:05:31,560
to raise your kids? He's like bald Mary
291
00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,910
to raise your kids? He's like bald Mary
Poppins over here.
292
00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:33,920
Poppins over here.
293
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,070
Poppins over here.
Hello, hello. I'll fix UP YOUR WICKED
294
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:36,080
Hello, hello. I'll fix UP YOUR WICKED
295
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,350
Hello, hello. I'll fix UP YOUR WICKED
KIDS. CHEERIO, INNIT? LOOK, now you
296
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:39,360
KIDS. CHEERIO, INNIT? LOOK, now you
297
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,390
KIDS. CHEERIO, INNIT? LOOK, now you
might not care which of these freaks or
298
00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:41,400
might not care which of these freaks or
299
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,310
might not care which of these freaks or
duds gets elected as governor, but you
300
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:43,320
duds gets elected as governor, but you
301
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,430
duds gets elected as governor, but you
should. Because of California's size and
302
00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:45,440
should. Because of California's size and
303
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,470
should. Because of California's size and
economic might, their laws often affect
304
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:48,480
economic might, their laws often affect
305
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,790
economic might, their laws often affect
the rest of us. And handing that power
306
00:05:50,790 --> 00:05:50,800
the rest of us. And handing that power
307
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,430
the rest of us. And handing that power
to the wrong person is simply the
308
00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:53,440
to the wrong person is simply the
309
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,750
to the wrong person is simply the
the
310
00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:54,760
the
311
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,390
the
What's the word? The antithesis.
312
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:57,400
What's the word? The antithesis.
313
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,934
What's the word? The antithesis.
>> Yes.
314
00:05:58,934 --> 00:05:58,944
>> Yes.
315
00:05:58,944 --> 00:05:59,350
>> Yes.
>> [cheering]
316
00:05:59,350 --> 00:05:59,360
>> [cheering]
317
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:04,040
>> [cheering]
>> It's the antithesis of what we want.
26362
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