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Let's start with King Charles, the

Let's start with King Charles, the

Let's start with King Charles, the world's oldest Nepo baby.

world's oldest Nepo baby.

world's oldest Nepo baby. He's visiting the United States this

He's visiting the United States this

He's visiting the United States this week because even though our country is

week because even though our country is

week because even though our country is falling apart right now, it's also our

falling apart right now, it's also our

falling apart right now, it's also our 250th birthday. So, no matter how sad

250th birthday. So, no matter how sad

250th birthday. So, no matter how sad the party is going to be, our friends

the party is going to be, our friends

the party is going to be, our friends are still coming over. Okay? Then on the

are still coming over. Okay? Then on the

are still coming over. Okay? Then on the ride home, they'll be like, "She is a

ride home, they'll be like, "She is a

ride home, they'll be like, "She is a rough 250."

So, yesterday, King Charles dropped by

So, yesterday, King Charles dropped by

So, yesterday, King Charles dropped by and he brought some jokes to cheer us

and he brought some jokes to cheer us

and he brought some jokes to cheer us up. This is a city which symbolizes a

up. This is a city which symbolizes a

up. This is a city which symbolizes a period in our shared history or what

period in our shared history or what

period in our shared history or what Charles Dickens might have called a tale

Charles Dickens might have called a tale

Charles Dickens might have called a tale of two Georgees.

Wow. He he really commands the sta I'm

Wow. He he really commands the sta I'm

Wow. He he really commands the sta I'm sorry. He really colonizes the stage.

sorry. He really colonizes the stage.

sorry. He really colonizes the stage. What's annoying about this as a comedian

What's annoying about this as a comedian

What's annoying about this as a comedian is that he is actually killing. I mean,

is that he is actually killing. I mean,

is that he is actually killing. I mean, look at him feeling himself in the

look at him feeling himself in the

look at him feeling himself in the laughs.

laughs.

laughs. >> A tale of two Georgees.

He's even got like a signature move with

He's even got like a signature move with

He's even got like a signature move with his hands. And Charles did not stop

his hands. And Charles did not stop

his hands. And Charles did not stop there. 250 years ago, or as we say in

there. 250 years ago, or as we say in

there. 250 years ago, or as we say in the United Kingdom, just the other day.

Dare I say that if it wasn't for us,

Dare I say that if it wasn't for us,

Dare I say that if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking French.

You know, I've always wondered what

You know, I've always wondered what

You know, I've always wondered what white Def Jab would be like.

white Def Jab would be like.

white Def Jab would be like. I kind of want him to keep going. Like,

I kind of want him to keep going. Like,

I kind of want him to keep going. Like, do you ever notice that white people

do you ever notice that white people

do you ever notice that white people drive like this and uh black people

drive like this and uh black people

drive like this and uh black people steal your son,

but yeah, Charles is crushing. Hit us

but yeah, Charles is crushing. Hit us

but yeah, Charles is crushing. Hit us with another one. Magna Carta is cited

with another one. Magna Carta is cited

with another one. Magna Carta is cited in at least

in at least

in at least 160 Supreme Court cases since 1789,

160 Supreme Court cases since 1789,

160 Supreme Court cases since 1789, not least as the foundation of the

not least as the foundation of the

not least as the foundation of the principle that executive power is

principle that executive power is

principle that executive power is subject to checks and balances.

Oh. Oh, he got us too good.

Oh. Oh, he got us too good.

Oh. Oh, he got us too good. No. No. It's funny cuz you see cuz we

No. No. It's funny cuz you see cuz we

No. No. It's funny cuz you see cuz we don't have checks and balances anymore

don't have checks and balances anymore

don't have checks and balances anymore because because the foundations of our

because because the foundations of our

because because the foundations of our democracy are slowly being eroded away.

democracy are slowly being eroded away.

democracy are slowly being eroded away. Like are you crazy, Chuck? You crazy.

Oh, the best part of that joke is that

Oh, the best part of that joke is that

Oh, the best part of that joke is that right after Charles warned us about a

right after Charles warned us about a

right after Charles warned us about a leader with unchecked power, Trump was

leader with unchecked power, Trump was

leader with unchecked power, Trump was like, "That's a good idea."

like, "That's a good idea."

like, "That's a good idea." >> Breaking news. Former FBI Director James

>> Breaking news. Former FBI Director James

>> Breaking news. Former FBI Director James Comey, one of President Trump's biggest

Comey, one of President Trump's biggest

Comey, one of President Trump's biggest political adversaries, has been indicted

political adversaries, has been indicted

political adversaries, has been indicted for a second time.

for a second time.

for a second time. >> Now that's timing. Just to get you up to

>> Now that's timing. Just to get you up to

>> Now that's timing. Just to get you up to speed, a year ago, James Comey did the

speed, a year ago, James Comey did the

speed, a year ago, James Comey did the most retired old man thing ever. He

most retired old man thing ever. He

most retired old man thing ever. He walked on a beach and took a picture of

walked on a beach and took a picture of

walked on a beach and took a picture of seashells and even posted on social

seashells and even posted on social

seashells and even posted on social media like we wanted to see it, too.

media like we wanted to see it, too.

media like we wanted to see it, too. This since deleted Instagram post from

This since deleted Instagram post from

This since deleted Instagram post from Comey showing the numbers 8647

Comey showing the numbers 8647

Comey showing the numbers 8647 written in seashells on the beach with

written in seashells on the beach with

written in seashells on the beach with the caption cool shell formation on my

the caption cool shell formation on my

the caption cool shell formation on my beachwalk. Trump supporters condemning

beachwalk. Trump supporters condemning

beachwalk. Trump supporters condemning that post claiming it was a call to 86

that post claiming it was a call to 86

that post claiming it was a call to 86 or kill the 47th president.

or kill the 47th president.

or kill the 47th president. This the seashells that's the threat.

This the seashells that's the threat.

This the seashells that's the threat. Are you sure he was acting alone?

Are you sure he was acting alone?

Are you sure he was acting alone? Because as long as we're indicting I

Because as long as we're indicting I

Because as long as we're indicting I heard about a woman who sells seashells

heard about a woman who sells seashells

heard about a woman who sells seashells by the seashore.

by the seashore.

by the seashore. That's suspicious as hell.

That's suspicious as hell.

That's suspicious as hell. Seriously, how do you get from this

Seriously, how do you get from this

Seriously, how do you get from this post, James Comey wants to murder the

post, James Comey wants to murder the

post, James Comey wants to murder the president? James Comey is a very

president? James Comey is a very

president? James Comey is a very intelligent man. I would assume he knows

intelligent man. I would assume he knows

intelligent man. I would assume he knows what the term 86 means. I was a waiter

what the term 86 means. I was a waiter

what the term 86 means. I was a waiter for some time. When you 86 an order, you

for some time. When you 86 an order, you

for some time. When you 86 an order, you kill the order. When you 8645, that is

kill the order. When you 8645, that is

kill the order. When you 8645, that is tantamount to saying killing the

tantamount to saying killing the

tantamount to saying killing the president of the United States. He

president of the United States. He

president of the United States. He should have known that.

should have known that.

should have known that. >> When you 86 an order, you get rid of the

>> When you 86 an order, you get rid of the

>> When you 86 an order, you get rid of the order, right?

order, right?

order, right? >> But you're not actually I mean, you're

>> But you're not actually I mean, you're

>> But you're not actually I mean, you're not killing the food.

>> Yeah, exactly. That would be weird,

>> Yeah, exactly. That would be weird,

>> Yeah, exactly. That would be weird, wouldn't it? like uh Joey. Joey, this uh

wouldn't it? like uh Joey. Joey, this uh

wouldn't it? like uh Joey. Joey, this uh it's ravioli. It's a little mushy. So

it's ravioli. It's a little mushy. So

it's ravioli. It's a little mushy. So take it out back and blow its brains

take it out back and blow its brains

take it out back and blow its brains out. Capich,

out. Capich,

out. Capich, just so you're aware, this is probably

just so you're aware, this is probably

just so you're aware, this is probably not going to work in court cuz I know

not going to work in court cuz I know

not going to work in court cuz I know it's scary to be indicted, but this is

it's scary to be indicted, but this is

it's scary to be indicted, but this is definitely going to get 86 by a judge.

definitely going to get 86 by a judge.

definitely going to get 86 by a judge. And in fact, if I could talk to the

And in fact, if I could talk to the

And in fact, if I could talk to the Department of Justice for just a second,

Department of Justice for just a second,

Department of Justice for just a second, I don't even think you believe you.

I don't even think you believe you.

I don't even think you believe you. Because if you're saying that those

Because if you're saying that those

Because if you're saying that those menacing seashells were a threat to the

menacing seashells were a threat to the

menacing seashells were a threat to the president, then why did it take you

president, then why did it take you

president, then why did it take you nearly a year to come after Comey? I

nearly a year to come after Comey? I

nearly a year to come after Comey? I thought the Secret Service on Saturday

thought the Secret Service on Saturday

thought the Secret Service on Saturday night was slow. I owe them an apology.

night was slow. I owe them an apology.

night was slow. I owe them an apology. Just so we're all clear, 86 means

Just so we're all clear, 86 means

Just so we're all clear, 86 means getting rid of something off a menu or

getting rid of something off a menu or

getting rid of something off a menu or kicking someone out of a place. It's

kicking someone out of a place. It's

kicking someone out of a place. It's been understood to mean those things

been understood to mean those things

been understood to mean those things since the 1930s. It's actually one of

since the 1930s. It's actually one of

since the 1930s. It's actually one of the last good slang terms that white

the last good slang terms that white

the last good slang terms that white people invented.

people invented.

people invented. Since then, it's been nothing but

Since then, it's been nothing but

Since then, it's been nothing but bazinga and amazeballs and

bazinga and amazeballs and

bazinga and amazeballs and a few new slurs,

a few new slurs,

a few new slurs, mostly the slurs.

mostly the slurs.

mostly the slurs. So, I'm not worried that James Comey is

So, I'm not worried that James Comey is

So, I'm not worried that James Comey is actually going to prison. But what's

actually going to prison. But what's

actually going to prison. But what's buming me out is the fact that our

buming me out is the fact that our

buming me out is the fact that our president feels totally unencumbered to

president feels totally unencumbered to

president feels totally unencumbered to use the power of the Justice Department

use the power of the Justice Department

use the power of the Justice Department to go after people he doesn't like.

This whole thing is so depressing. I

This whole thing is so depressing. I

This whole thing is so depressing. I could use a pickme up.

could use a pickme up.

could use a pickme up. >> As Oscar Wild said, we have rarely

>> As Oscar Wild said, we have rarely

>> As Oscar Wild said, we have rarely everything in common uh with America

everything in common uh with America

everything in common uh with America nowadays, except of course language.

Oh, damn. Get them, Chuck. Get them.

Oh, damn. Get them, Chuck. Get them.

Oh, damn. Get them, Chuck. Get them. Uh, I honestly don't even know what that

Uh, I honestly don't even know what that

Uh, I honestly don't even know what that means. But for more on the indictment of

means. But for more on the indictment of

means. But for more on the indictment of James Comey and the fallout, we go live

James Comey and the fallout, we go live

James Comey and the fallout, we go live to Grace Ken Schmidt.

>> GRACE,

GRACE, the courts are going to throw

GRACE, the courts are going to throw

GRACE, the courts are going to throw this case out, right?

this case out, right?

this case out, right? >> That's what I thought at first, Josh.

>> That's what I thought at first, Josh.

>> That's what I thought at first, Josh. So, I went to the beach to investigate,

So, I went to the beach to investigate,

So, I went to the beach to investigate, and now I see that the beach is full of

and now I see that the beach is full of

and now I see that the beach is full of threats to the president.

threats to the president.

threats to the president. Like like what? More seashells.

Like like what? More seashells.

Like like what? More seashells. >> Even worse, Josh, look at this.

>> Even worse, Josh, look at this.

>> Even worse, Josh, look at this. >> It just looks like a bucket.

>> It just looks like a bucket.

>> It just looks like a bucket. >> Yeah, as in the president should kick

>> Yeah, as in the president should kick

>> Yeah, as in the president should kick the bucket.

the bucket.

the bucket. The

>> Josh, the fouryear-old who I grabbed

>> Josh, the fouryear-old who I grabbed

>> Josh, the fouryear-old who I grabbed this from was clearly implying that that

this from was clearly implying that that

this from was clearly implying that that because he had the same haircut as

because he had the same haircut as

because he had the same haircut as Rachel Matto.

I think you just stole a child's bucket.

I think you just stole a child's bucket.

I think you just stole a child's bucket. >> Agree to disagree. Okay. What about

>> Agree to disagree. Okay. What about

>> Agree to disagree. Okay. What about this? I found this flyer that verbatim

this? I found this flyer that verbatim

this? I found this flyer that verbatim says DJ trap night at Club 69.

says DJ trap night at Club 69.

says DJ trap night at Club 69. As in tonight we trap DJ DONALD J. IT

As in tonight we trap DJ DONALD J. IT

As in tonight we trap DJ DONALD J. IT COULDN'T BE MORE CLEAR.

COULDN'T BE MORE CLEAR.

COULDN'T BE MORE CLEAR. >> Then what does Club 69 mean?

>> Then what does Club 69 mean?

>> Then what does Club 69 mean? >> It means that club ising cool, bro.

>> It means that club ising cool, bro.

>> It means that club ising cool, bro. This all sounds like normal beach stuff.

This all sounds like normal beach stuff.

This all sounds like normal beach stuff. >> Yeah, that's the problem, Josh. This

>> Yeah, that's the problem, Josh. This

>> Yeah, that's the problem, Josh. This kind of threat is just becoming

kind of threat is just becoming

kind of threat is just becoming normalized. You probably don't even

normalized. You probably don't even

normalized. You probably don't even think this used condom I found in the

think this used condom I found in the

think this used condom I found in the sand is

sand is

sand is >> OH NO, GRACE. That's just gross. Put

>> OH NO, GRACE. That's just gross. Put

>> OH NO, GRACE. That's just gross. Put that down.

that down.

that down. >> Is it gross or is somebody threatening

>> Is it gross or is somebody threatening

>> Is it gross or is somebody threatening to suffocate Trump's penis?

to suffocate Trump's penis?

to suffocate Trump's penis? An attack ON HIS PENIS IS AN ATTACK ON

An attack ON HIS PENIS IS AN ATTACK ON

An attack ON HIS PENIS IS AN ATTACK ON AMERICA.

AMERICA.

AMERICA. That is not what that is. Now drop that

That is not what that is. Now drop that

That is not what that is. Now drop that before you catch chlamydia.

before you catch chlamydia.

before you catch chlamydia. >> Too late.

>> Too late.

>> Too late. >> But it's not too late to tone down the

>> But it's not too late to tone down the

>> But it's not too late to tone down the beach rhetoric. For God's sake, there

beach rhetoric. For God's sake, there

beach rhetoric. For God's sake, there are jack dudes walking around in tank

are jack dudes walking around in tank

are jack dudes walking around in tank tops with violent messages ordering

tops with violent messages ordering

tops with violent messages ordering people to take their guns out because

people to take their guns out because

people to take their guns out because the suns is out.

the suns is out.

the suns is out. >> That's referring to their biceps.

>> That's referring to their biceps.

>> That's referring to their biceps. >> Biceps.

>> Biceps.

>> Biceps. Biceps. Here we go again with the DEI.

Biceps. Here we go again with the DEI.

Biceps. Here we go again with the DEI. God forbid we have heterosps anymore.

God forbid we have heterosps anymore.

God forbid we have heterosps anymore. >> Grace, how long have you been on the

>> Grace, how long have you been on the

>> Grace, how long have you been on the beach? You sound like you have sun

beach? You sound like you have sun

beach? You sound like you have sun poisoning.

poisoning.

poisoning. >> Wrong again, Josh. The chlamyia has

>> Wrong again, Josh. The chlamyia has

>> Wrong again, Josh. The chlamyia has reached my brain.

reached my brain.

reached my brain. >> Go get that checked out. Grace Cooling

>> Go get that checked out. Grace Cooling

>> Go get that checked out. Grace Cooling Schmidt, everybody.