Original subtitles

One, two, three.

Way there.

That's it.

Man, I'm pretty.

And Johnny, I am one with the ancient primeval rhythm.

Mighty Ocean, cosmic broth from which we all emerge.

And deepens up all day.

Wait a minute. My highly developed tick sensors are tingling.

Readings indicate the presence of a sea -going mamacita at 11 o 'clock.

Initiate rendezvous procedure.

Excuse me, can I borrow this?

This indignity will be avenged, my perfidious friend.

Paddling.

Yeah, this won't end well.

That's normal.

Good boy.

What kinds are there?

Don't you realize you've...

You know, when you scream like that, you get a cute little vein in your

forehead. Look, if we're going to survive, the first thing we have to do

secure food, shelter, and fresh water.

Want to see me do this?

Right.

Food. I'm all over it.

Man, there's got to be a strip mall around here someplace.

Let's see. What do chicks like to eat?

Crackers, gumballs, tiny rabbits.

Hey, Puddin'. Uh -oh.

There. Now to access the Coast Guard's frequency.

Help! Puddin'! Help me!

Puddin' emergency!

Needs more butterscotch.

You saved my life. That means you dig me.

Hey, look at what I

found. Three of the juiciest, most delicious -looking rocks you ever laid

on. Uh, thanks. I'll pass.

Great. I'll build a fire.

My radar deck!

Oh, are you using that?

Where's a 15 -foot tiger shark when you need one?

A plane! A plane!

I'm saved!

Come on!

I knew she'd come around.

Please!

Please! I need you!

All right, all right.

Just let me dry off.

here. And then I'll follow you.

Hey,

wait for me.

Don't find me. Don't find me. Don't find me. Hey, you think pretty.

Umbrella drink?

These noxious fumes should keep him away.

Ooh, noxious fumes.

Come back, my little love muffin!

Forget it! I'd rather swim for it than spend another second with you!

No, you... You want me to follow you?

I've been looking all over for you. How many times have I told you to leave a

note when you get washed out to sea?

I'm sorry, Mama. Say, can I borrow the sub? I'm in the middle of a date. And

didn't introduce me.

Why, I got to catch her fur.

Look, that's her on the scope now.

Oh, darling.

Increase speed to 15 knots.

Aye, aye, Mama.

Here we go, Johnny. Remember, one with the universe, one with a... Whoa!

I like it.

Hey, baby, I'm going to karate camp. Want to see the moves of a master?

Yep,

that's one of them.

Hey, fellow martial artist.

Ready to worship the gods of karate and turn your hands into lethal weapons?

Not really. I'm looking forward to learning the basics of digital LCD

Say what? And I'm looking forward to constructing my own artificial

intelligence, or AI.

What's your specialty, new kid?

Making trouble, raising heck, and sticking it to the man.

That's M -T -R -H -A -S -I -T -T -L.

You're funny. You're going to be our new best friend.

Something is very wrong here.

This is the bus to karate camp, isn't it? Oh, you're suffering under a

misapprehension. We're headed to Camp Gigabyte for two weeks of intensive

computer study.

No!

14 hours of nerd jabber.

I gotta get out of here.

I've been wrong.

Terribly wrong.

Hi, campers.

Welcome to Camp Giga.

Johnny? Huh? Come on.

Let me back on the bus.

Let me back on the bus.

Johnny, what a surprise.

I thought you were too stupid to learn computers.

It's a mistake.

I'm supposed to be at Camp Chop Soccer hitting stuff.

It's too late now, Johnny. That was the last bus for a week.

Then I'm walking home.

You can't.

The woods are full of deadly predators.

And I'm calling my mama to come get me. We don't have phones. We communicate

entirely by email.

Looks like you're going to be with us the whole week.

Here's your cabin, campers.

Time for everyone to choose a bunk.

Kids on this one.

Now, listen up. I'm the king of this cabin, so stay out of my face.

And what's more, I don't want any of you little babies bothering me tonight.

Got it? Yes, Johnny.

Good.

I want my mama.

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

Hi,

Johnny. You were late signing up for activities, so I signed you up for

algorithmic design.

Hope that's okay.

You know, when you open your mouth, some kind of loopy moon man language comes

out. I can't believe there's no one swimming.

Little cyber weenies must be scared to shorten out.

Spooky, scary tale of Priest -y Man.

Half man, half beast.

That's not scary.

Shut up. I'm not finished.

He also had a hook for a head.

How's that possible?

What do you mean?

How would respiration and cerebral functions occur?

There's that moon man talk again.

We find your premise highly improbable.

Fine. You tell a story then.

Oh, oh, oh, I have one.

Little Jimmy Simpkins logged onto his computer one night only to encounter a

discontinued server icon.

And what he saw when he looked up filled him with

shock and terror, for his hard drive had been completely erased.

That was scary, Counselor Carl.

What did you think, Johnny?

Johnny?

I don't know what he said, but it was the way he told it.

What do we want?

Software. Where do we get it? Trading post.

Sound off.

One, two, three, four, one, two.

This bites.

When's this going to be over?

Hold it.

Look, campers.

It's the symphidious selecti. Better stay back.

They say its pollen can paralyze a man instantaneously.

What are the odds?

I guess I'm in charge now.

Fall in, you keypad jockeys. We're heading back to civilization.

It's been hours, Counselor Johnny.

Are you sure you know where you're going? Of course I do. Let's see.

Moss grows on the west side of rocks, and trees bloom only in the moon's

house, so... Um... Who am I kidding? We're lost!

And it's all your fault.

I believe I have the solution.

Harvey, your laptop, please.

Johnny, I'm going to charge your body with static electricity, then throw you

the stream. You should float to magnetic north.

Yeah, but what if...

We're

safe!

And we owe it all to Johnny! Yeah!

Johnny? Uh, could someone throw me a wall?

At least it's over. In 14 hours, I'll be back in my house with no annoying

little greeds to torment me.

Hey, everyone, let's cheer Johnny up on the long trip home with a good old

-fashioned camp song.

A thousand silicon chips on the wall, a thousand silicon chips.

If one of those chips should happen to short 999 silicon chips on the wall.

999 silicon chips on the wall. Johnny

Bravo, you trail a common tree stump by over

$12 ,000.

Here's your final question. Name a poor food group.

Fruit, dairy, beef jerky, and a garden hose.

Wrong. Common tree stump, you're our winner.

No. This game's fixed.

It's a wing better.

Who's bad? Who's bad?

Oh, wood all the time.

My sciatica.

Good, Susie. That's putting the leather to the pigskin.

Coach Bravo, the master torque differential is throwing off my stance.

I need a new bat.

You got it, baby.

Substitute bat boy.

Hey, gear jockey. Coach wants you.

Don't look at me. I said don't look at me. Come on, Johnny.

Let's show a little hustle.

Chop, chop.

Oh, Mama, why do I got to do this? It's humiliating. I told you. My regular girl

was bit by a deer tick.

Now how about a little support?

If we win today, we qualify for the semi -bi -monthly preliminary match -ups.

Oh, Mama, it's only the first game of the season.

That's why we have to focus.

Focus.

Here's your stupid bat, kid.

This one's too big.

This one's smelly.

How about the pink one?

What do you mean you can't play?

You'll play all right.

But I shattered my tibia.

Brought some dirt in it.

We'll never beat Mama's mollusk with that attitude.

Hey, you rosin -headed lummox.

Pop. Damn, you old... Well, bang the drum

slowly.

Say, baseball buddy, how'd you like to join me for a little seventh inning

press?

You don't make me laugh. You're nothing but a lowly bat boy.

Not true. I'm the brains behind the team.

Mama even trusted me with her list of secret baseball signs.

Really? Can I have them?

Uh -uh.

They're the key to Mama's game plan. I would never, ever, ever, ever let you

them. I'll go out with you.

There you go. Check it out. Show your friend.

I'm gonna have a girlfriend. I'm gonna have a girlfriend.

Johnny! Stop fraternizing with the enemy. She's not the enemy, Mama.

She's my black -clad, face -spiking siren of SWAT.

That spell, I'll see you in my book, mister.

Play ball!

Look out, Susie! Here comes the cheese! I can feel it!

Yay!

I gave her that bath. That's a pretty one.

I gave her that.

Now to lay down my secret steel sign.

The

steel

sign, eh?

Clever, my old enemy.

but not clever enough.

You're out!

Well,

maybe we'll get them this time.

You're out!

Well, maybe we'll get them this time.

You're out!

This won't end well.

19 -0. I don't understand.

It's almost as if someone has stolen my list of secret signs.

What? Don't be silly. I didn't do it.

I really messed up. I gotta do something to pull Mama's fat out of the fire.

Who are you talking to?

Uh, look! Mookie Wilson!

Who? You're out! Fistic!

I'd give anything for a first -class clean -up power hitter who can swing for

the fences!

Perhaps I can be of some help?

Oh.

You're a big strapping girl, aren't you?

Well, let's just say I'm big -boned! What have I got to lose?

Grab some pine tar, Missy. You're in.

Oh, yeah.

Feel.

Downtown.

Don't forget to write.

Good eye, great extension, and she runs the bases like a perfect little angel.

Hmm, there's something familiar about that little girl.

Let's go, Maulers! One more run and we win the game!

Oh, look, a shiny nickel.

Come here, you.

Now I got you.

Uh -huh. Oh,

please don't snitch me out. It would destroy Mama.

And then who'd feed me? Oh, I'm not going to snitch you out because you're

to throw the game for me.

No, I could never, ever, ever, ever do that.

I'll go out with you.

Deal.

Strike one.

Strike two.

Oh, what am I doing?

I can't throw the game. Just look at Mama's and What's -Her -Name's hopeful

smiling faces.

Swing for crying out loud!

You better not wish out!

He's a fake. This team is disqualified.

Oh, yeah?

Just as I suspected.

Your team is composed of nine burly teamsters.

You're all out of here.

Mama, I'm sorry. I lost the game, wore your clothes, and got you drummed out of

little girls' baseball.

That's all right, Johnny.

What's important is that you love me enough to make a mockery of our national

pastime. Now, you're all invited out for chili dogs on me.

Except you. You're a hussy.

Look out.