Original subtitles

♪ With a laugh and a dance ♪

♪ Mine's a life to entrance ♪

♪ Not a thought not a care with a heart debonaire ♪

♪ I am free as the sea ♪

♪ Like the lark who at dawn bids the darkness begone ♪

♪ Do I sing merrily ♪

♪ With a laugh and a dance mine's a life to entrance ♪

♪ For I know naught but glee ♪

♪ And the word that I bring and the theme that I sing ♪

♪ ls a song of a heart that's free ♪

♪ Ah then let music ring ♪

♪ While sweet voices sing ♪

♪ Pleasure is mine ♪

♪ Echoes repeating measures entreating ♪

♪ Song of a heart light and free ♪

♪ Laughing all the day chaffing cares away ♪

♪ Hear my roundelay ♪

♪ Not a thought not a care with a heart debonaire ♪

♪ I am free as the sea ♪

♪ Like the lark who at dawn bids the darkness begone ♪

♪ Do I sing merrily ♪

♪ With a laugh and a dance mine's a life to entrance ♪

♪ For I know naught but glee ♪

♪ And the word that I bring and the theme that I sing ♪

♪ ls the song of a heart ♪

♪ That's free ♪♪

Uh, better play the short version, papa.

Mama's in a hurry.

"The Light Cavalry Overture."

Patti, get your valise, dear.

We'll have to rush or we're going to miss the boat.

I want to miss the boat.

Mother, why do we always have to go

to Kissamee In The Catskills?

I hate Kissamee In The Catskills.

Oh, nonsense. Last year you loved it.

- Last year I was a child. - And you're still a child.

Even if you sit up half the night lengthening your dresses.

But I was 17 last week.

You may treat me like a baby, but inside, I'm a woman.

Now, Patti, I want no trouble with you this summer.

You're not interested in boys and I want you to stay that way.

Now when you're 18, we'll have a little talk and--

Eighteen?

Why, mother, that's almost a whole year away.

How will I ever get through this summer?

I'm gonna be a misfit all summer long.

Now that's enough. Finish your packing and change your clothes.

And I don't want to hear one other word

about Kissamee In The Catskills.

Remind me to shorten that dress.

'Mr. Hibbs is here with the carriage, mama.'

Hi, Mr. Hibbs. Hi, Nettie. Hi, Hettie.

Come on up for the baggages, Mr. Hibbs.

- Oh, boys, close your valise. - We can't. They're too full.

Have Melba sit on it.

- You gotta sit on our valise. - Why?

Because you got the biggest sitter.

Besides, mama said.

A female woman is supposed to have hips.

Sit harder, Melba.

Put on your hats and coats.

Do I have to sit on Patti's lap this year, mama?

Can I take Delilah along?

Oh, he was supposed to play the short version.

Yes, you do. No, you can't.

Only Sissies sit on girl's laps.

Come in, Mr. Hibbs.

Who's going to give Delilah her bath?

Maggie will be stopping by every morning.

You're allowed more time this year, Miss Robinson.

Nettie and Hettie ain't what they used to be.

But Delilah doesn't like Maggie.

Why can't Patti sit on my lap?

Folks never leave enough time.

'Can I take Delilah as far as the boat?'

She's never seen the Hudson River.

Alright. Mr. Hibbs can bring her back with him.

Oh, mother, really. You'd think we were Gypsies.

- That's it. - Oh, don't be silly.

It is.

Come on, children. Be sure you have everything now.

Take father's coat, bring Delilah and we're off.

Off for two glorious weeks at Kissamee In The Catskills.

Young man, I'm not paying you ten cents a day

to gawk into a well.

I wasn't gawking. There's a frog in there.

Shh!

Fish it out after dark.

Now get up here and carry the Schusters' bags in.

They're still on the front stoop.

Well, papa, the Surrey's gonna be here any minute.

Oh, what's the Surrey got to do with it?

Papa, the Robinsons will be on it.

Oh, Robinsons or no Robinsons

get up here and carry these bags in.

Welcome home. Why, Mrs. Robinson

you're looking as young as your daughters.

- Hello, Mr. Robinson. - Hello, Finlay. It's hot.

Billy. Billy Finlay.

Gosh, he's grown a foot.

Hello, Patti. Gosh, you look wonderful.

So do you, Billy.

Can I help you? Can I take your bag?

- Thank you. - Here's mine.

What's the matter? Your arm broken?

I suppose we have our same old rooms?

Oh, no, better ones. You're up in 23 this year.

Old Mrs. Hochstatter finally died.

- In our bed? - No, in Hoboken.

Patti, how about a walk before supper?

I mean, after supper. I mean, how about a walk?

- I have an engagement, Billy. - Already?

- Oh. - What's wrong with his pants?

Gee, can I help it if my father won't let me have longies

for another year?

Poor boy. Parents are so trying.

Patti, how about walking to the post office

with me tomorrow, maybe?

Sorry. I'm not expecting any mail, Billy.

Golly, last summer, she was fun.

- What's got into her, anyway? - Old age.

She thinks she's 18 and she knows you're only 16.

Well, can I help it? Besides, I look older.

I know. And I don't mind a bit.

Be sure to scrub out this basin, girls.

And remember, there are other people in the world.

Don't stay in the bathroom forever.

- Yes, mom. - 'Katie!'

Who put this feather snake in my suitcase?

My new jacket's covered with whiskers.

Now, Horatio, don't get excited.

- Must be the molting season. - Yes. Well, I won't have it.

Come in.

- Valerie. - Patti.

- Oh! - I just heard you got in.

A whole year and how you've changed.

Why, you're pretty.

Melba hasn't changed a bit.

We followed your tour in the papers.

Oh, that. Well, after one's been on the stage

since one was six, why, one tour is just like another.

Oh, but with John Barrymore.

Let me touch you.

Well, yes, he was rather nice.

- Did you have a scene with him? - Well, no, not exactly.

Um, you see, I die...

in the prologue.

Someone in the audience shoot you?

Melba.

You know, Patti, I've got oodles to tell you

but it's all going to have to keep until big ears

with hair bows aren't around.

Um, Melba dear, why don't you go and see

'what we're going to have for dinner?'

I already know.

Sauerkraut and pigs' knuckles.

Oh, Patti, mother's still playing whist.

Be a sport and tighten me up, will you?

About 18 inches.

Oh, it's, it's beautiful.

It's the La Belle Mode For Young Misses.

- Mm. Is that alright? - Oh, a little tighter, dear.

I can still take a deep breath.

They wear the same thing in the looney house.

Only they call 'em straitjackets.

They do give you such a wonderful feeling, don't they?

Yes, wonderful.

How would you know?

Melba, would you ask Mr. Finlay what night we take our baths?

I already know. Thursday, 7:00 am.

Oh, we have Saturday night.

But then, of course, we have a more expensive room.

Are there any new people here this year?

Oh, not a soul. Talk about the man shortage.

Why, I just may have to ask one of your brothers for a date.

- Oh, is it that desperate? - Oh, it's indescribable.

Of course, it's not so awful for you.

You're not eligible for the older set.

Well, I, I'm almost 18.

Yeah, in 11 months.

Will you please go downstairs?

Oh, Patti darling, I know just how you feel.

That old unwritten law. 17 just can't go with 18.

It, it doesn't seem fair.

But when you're in the older set why, then you'll understand.

If you ask me, some people are just afraid of competition.

Melba dear, why don't you go downstairs

and help Billy Finlay set the tables?

I think I Will.

Oh, I have the most won...

Isn't he dashing?

'Who do you suppose he is?'

He must be related to that Mrs. Armendez from Cuba.

Oh, well, I, uh, guess I'd better be running along.

I mustn't keep my mother waiting.

Uh, thanks for lacing me, darling.

- What are you gonna wear? - Oh, I don't know.

Oh, what are the Cuban colors?

Three blue stripes on white with a red triangle.

But you're too skinny for stripes.

You don't look good in red.

- Some more water, Patti? - No, thank you.

- I'd love some. - Melba, that makes five.

- The dam will go any minute. - Mama said a bad word.

Go swimming with me tomorrow, Patti?

Oh, I really can't say, Billy.

- Next day? - I'll have to let you know.

I can go both days.

What are they staring at?

My new dress.

Right this way, Señor Armendez.

Thank you.

- 'Patti, close your mouth.' - Oh.

That mustache does nothin' for you.

- 'Wipe your lip, dear.' - Oh.

Careful, you'll blow crumbs in papa's lap.

- Oh, papa, I'm sorry. - Oh, no, no, no.

No, it's ashes. What's the matter with that girl?

It's that new Cuban. Ouch! That's my sore ankle.

Now, papa, ashes are good for moss.

Well, I don't like moss. Why should I be good to them?

What new Cuban?

Oh, papa, please. He's, he's right behind you.

Hm? Oh, so that's it, eh?

Oh, what, what's so extraordinary about him?

You'd think he had two heads.

I was much more attractive when I was his age.

- Wasn't I, mama? - Yes, papa, much.

Mama, may I, please, be excused?

You haven't touched your tapioca--

- I'll eat it. - I'll eat it.

Quiet, children. Very well, Patti.

- Thank you. - Elbows off the table, dear.

Oh, I'm sorr... Ooh! Ow!

- Oh, Patti. Gee, I'm sorry. - Oh, gosh, tapioca.

With raisins.

Oh! Oh, no, dear.

Get back to the kitchen, young man.

A regrettable accident, regrettable.

It won't happen again, I assure you.

That poor child.

♪ Like the roses need their fragrance ♪

♪ Like a sweetheart needs a kiss ♪

♪ A kiss ♪

♪ Like the summer needs the sunshine ♪

♪ Like a laddie needs a miss ♪

♪ A miss ♪

♪ Like a broken heart needs gladness ♪

♪ Like the flowers need the dew ♪

♪ Need the dew ♪

♪ Like a baby needs its mother ♪

♪ That's how I'll need you ♪

♪ Howl need you-u-u... ♪

- Oh! - What did you expect? Caruso?

♪ That's how I need you ♪♪

Patti!

Is your head alright?

You sure dented my tray.

He isn't in here, is he?

With us kids?

Hey, Patti, come on. Let's have "The Oceana Roll."

Yeah, Patti, sing "The Oceana Roll."

- Yeah, come on, Patti. - Come on, Patti.

♪ Billy McCoy was a musical boy ♪

♪ On the cruiser Alabama he was there with the piana ♪

♪ Like a fish down in the sea ♪

♪ Oh when he rattled off some harmony ♪

♪ Every night upon the ocean he would get that raggy notion ♪

♪ Start that syncopated motion lovingly ♪

♪ No one could sleep way out there in the deep ♪

♪ When Billy cut loose out at sea ♪

♪ Each fish and worm begins to twist and squirm ♪

♪ The ship starts in to dip and does a corkscrew turn ♪

♪ You see that smoke so black sneak from that old smokestack ♪

♪ It's floatin' right to heaven and it won't come back ♪

♪ Now here and there you'll see a stool and chair ♪

♪ A-slippin' round the cabin shouting I don't care ♪

♪ And then the hammock starts a-swingin' ♪

♪ And the bell begins a-ringin' ♪

♪ While we're sittin' at that piana ♪

♪ There on the Alabama playin' the Oceana Roll ♪

♪ Each fish and worm begins to twist and squirm ♪

♪ The ship starts in to dip and does a corkscrew turn ♪

♪ You see that smoke so black sneak from that old smokestack ♪

♪ It's floating right to heaven and it won't came back ♪

♪ Now here and there you'll see a stool and chair ♪

♪ A-slippin' round the cabin shouting I don't care ♪

♪ And then the hammock starts a-swingin' ♪

♪ And the bell begins a-ringin' ♪

♪ While we're sittin' at that piana ♪

♪ There on the Alabama playin' the Oceana Roll ♪

♪ Every time he sits down at the piano stool ♪

♪ People start a-shoutin' you're a playin' fool ♪

♪ 'Cause he is the master of the razzmatazz ♪

♪ He's known to everyone as Mr. Jazz ♪

♪ When he gets a goin' with a real hot break ♪

♪ Even Davy Jones begins to shim and shake ♪

♪ Oh brother you'll declare hey he's a bear ♪

♪ What a lot of music he can make ♪

♪ So listen here ♪ ♪ So listen here ♪

♪ And lend an ear ♪ ♪ And lend an ear ♪

♪ So listen here and lend an ear ♪

♪ And lend an ear ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ A-slippin' round the cabin shouting I don't care ♪

♪ And then the hammock starts a-swingin' ♪

♪ And the bell begins a-ringin' ♪

♪ While we're sitting at that piana ♪

♪ There on the Alabama ♪

♪ Playing the Oceana Roll ♪

♪ Aah ♪♪

I'll see you all later.

- Patti. - Thank you.

Oh, Val, wasn't it awful

what happened in the dining room?

You poor dear. What a dreadful impression to make.

I can never look him in the face again.

But I suppose I'll have to when I apologize.

Well, if I were you, I'd keep out of his way for a while.

- He was quite upset. - You've met him?

Well, naturally. He asked to be presented to me.

- Oh, Val, what's he like? - Oh, very adult.

Beautiful manners. A gentleman.

Oh, a gentleman.

I've never met one.

Patti, I've got wonderful news for you.

Eddie Gavin doesn't have a girl this year.

I believe he's available.

Oh, him? He's always available.

Well, I wouldn't be too hasty if I were you.

You know, a clever woman can always mold a man.

No, thank you. He's moldy enough.

Oh, dear.

- Señor Armendez. - Excuse me a moment, please.

Miss Robinson?

- I've been looking for you. - For me?

Everywhere. But you had vanished.

I wanted to return your fan

and to reassure you about the little accident.

Oh, but it wasn't an accident.

You mean, you did it on purpose?

Oh, no. I mean, it was all my fault.

I stooped when I shouldn't have stooped.

Oh, no, on the contrary, it was my fault.

I bent when I shouldn't have bent.

- Oh, no, mine. I stooped when-- - Nonsense, mine. I bent.

- Stooped. - Bent.

- No, really-- - No, please.

It's forgotten, yes?

Oh, well, thank you very much.

Oh, uh, but I did spoil your jacket and your dessert.

You know, Mr. Finlay only allows one helping.

Well, I'll tell you a secret. I detest tapioca.

Me too.

I'd much rather have one of your American ice cream sodas.

Well, there's an ice cream parlor in the village.

- Oh? - Yes.

You just go down this road

turn left at the knife, I mean, at the fork

and then you turn right, I mean, left--

Well, maybe, maybe you'd better show me the way, huh?

Shall we take a little stroll?

- Now? - Yes.

The two of us?

Unless you'd like to ask someone else.

- Oh, no. - Well, fine, fine.

We will toast our meeting with a soda.

- Strawberry. - Well, hello, you two.

- I didn't know you had met. - Oh, we're old friends.

- We're going to have a soda. - Strawberry.

I'd love one.

- Would you like to join us? - I'd adore to.

Heavenly night for a stroll.

Patti, isn't it rather late for you?

- I-I don't know what you mean. - Oh, Patti.

Hello, Valerie. Good evening, Mr. Armendez.

- Good evening. - Bad news, darling.

Time for bed.

But, mama, I'm not tired.

Nevertheless, you need your rest.

Growing girls, you know. Come along, dear.

Now isn't that just like a mother?

I'm so sorry.

We'll do it some other time. That's a promise.

Goodnight, senorita. Buenas noches.

Goodnight.

My, don't they make a nice couple?

He asked me first.

Oh, now, Patti, don't, don't you go getting ideas.

He's much too old for you.

You've got plenty of time.

Not on a two weeks' vacation, I haven't.

Now don't run, children, and watch out for the poison ivy.

What's it look like?

It's a shiny green leaf with three forks.

- Anybody knows that. - Like this?

McCormick, drop that.

Mac's gonna get poison ivy.

If I do, I'll give it to you.

That's enough. I forbid either one of you to get it.

Oh, Patti. Hurry along, dear.

Children, be sure you stay over on the children's side

and don't get out where it's deep, will you? Now run along.

Okay.

Take a squint at the potato sack.

Where did you get that suit?

Oh!

Why don't you watch Where you're going?

- Castle buster. - I'm sorry, Mac.

I'll help you build another.

What's the matter?

- Look at me. - Yeah, pretty awful.

If I were you, I wouldn't let anybody see me.

Hi, Patti. Don't go away. I'll be right back.

Hello, Melba.

On second thought, Patti, an older woman like you

ought to be with the grownups.

Why don't you stand up for your rights

and go on back there?

Quick. Cover me with sand.

- Bury me or something. - Come on, Mac.

What's the matter? Is she dead?

- She will be if he sees her. - Hurry up.

Havana must be simply beautiful.

Mm-hm.

Not that.

Hello, children.

- What are you playing, huh? - Funeral.

Yeah, we just buried a dead fish.

Is that, uh, Morro Castle?

No, Robinson's Castle.

Oh, are you Patti Robinson's brother?

'Yeah.'

Where does she hide herself, huh?

Oh, under pails, boxes, almost anything.

Well, when you find her, tell her

that the strawberry sodas are wonderful, will you?

Come along, Demi. Horrible child.

Oh, no. I think she's very amusing.

They're a very charming family.

Did you hear that? I'm horrible.

The family's charming. The sodas are wonderful.

Shall we take a dip?

If you'll promise to protect me.

Why, Valerie, you disappoint me.

I had hoped to find you independent, self-reliant.

All the qualities I admire in American women.

Oh?

Well...

Hey, look!

Lady Godiva.

Hey, Melba, where's Patti?

I haven't the faintest idea.

'Billy, wait for me.'

'Help, Melba! Melba, Mac!'

'Oh, please, kids.'

'Come get me out of here. Melba!'

- Uh, Patti, where are you? - 'Yes, papa, I'm down here.'

- Down where? - 'Oh! Oh, hurry, papa.'

'Under a pail. Come on, papa, hurry.'

- Pail? What, uh, uh... - 'Please, hurry.'

'Please, I can't stand it any longer.'

Oh!

Help, help, help, papa. Get me out of here, please!

Why, Patti, what, what are you doing there?

You come out of there this minute.

- You, you could be drowned. - I wanna drown.

And when I do, I hope my bathing suit

washes up right at mama's feet.

What's the matter with your bathing suit?

Has it, has it got a hole in it?

Oh, papa, everything.

All the other girls are dressed like young ladies

and, and I'm kept like an orphan. An infant.

The way mama treats me, you'd think I'd still be in diapers.

Now, Patti, I'm sure your mama knows what's good for you.

Is it good for me to be a laughing stock?

An, an object of ridicule? A, a potato sack?

Oh, my dear child, it can't be as bad as the...

Oh, my, yes, yes, it can.

Oh, you poor little thing. Here, put this on.

Cover yourself up and I'll, uh, I'll be right back.

Thank you, papa.

Katie, I wanna talk to you.

Look, papa, the lifeguard's teaching me to swim.

Yes, so I notice. I'll finish the lesson.

- Thank you very much. - A pleasure, sir.

Katie, you've got to buy Patti a bathing suit.

- She has a bathing suit. - Look out.

- Look out, Katie. - Hold my chin up.

You call that a bathing suit? That's a potato sack.

My daughter is not a potato.

Your daughter? If I remember correctly

I have a little something to do with that.

Now, Katie... Look-look out, Katie.

What do you want her to do? Go around flaunting herself

like that silly Valerie?

Great heavens, no, but I, I don't--

I suppose I ought to put her hair up.

Pull in her waist.

- Pad her hips. - Look out, look out.

And then the first thing you know some silly young man

will come along and want to marry her.

- Is that what you want? - Good heavens, no.

She's just a child. She's a baby. She's, uh...

Katie, you're a smart woman.

You know what's best for our girl.

I'm gonna leave Patti entirely to you.

Oh, but look here, Katie, couldn't you possibly find

a bathing suit for her that's

that's maybe a little bit in between?

That's a girl, Katie. Say, you're doing fine.

Come on around here now. That's the stuff.

♪ Aha daba daba daba daba daba daba ♪

♪ Means monk I love but you ♪

♪ Aba daba dab in monkey talk means chimp I love you too ♪

♪ Then the big baboon one night in June ♪

♪ He married them and very soon ♪

♪ They went upon their aba daba honeymoon ♪

♪ Way down in the Congo land lived a happy chimpanzee ♪

♪ She loved a monkey with a long tail ♪

♪ Lordy how she loved him ♪

♪ Each night he would find her there ♪

♪ Swingin' in the coconut tree ♪

♪ And the monkey gay at the break of day ♪

♪ Loved to hear his chimpie say ♪

♪ Aba daba daba daba daba daba daba ♪

♪ Said the chimpie to the monk ♪

♪ Aba daba daba daba daba daba daba ♪

♪ Said the monkey to the chimp ♪

♪ All night long they'd chatter away ♪

♪ All day long they were happy and gay ♪

♪ Swingin' and singin' in a honky-tonky way ♪

♪ Aba daba daba daba daba daba daba ♪

♪ Means monk I love but you ♪

♪ Aba daba daba in monkey talk means chimp I love you too ♪

♪ Then the big baboon one night in June ♪

♪ He married them and very soon ♪

♪ They went upon their aba daba honeymoon ♪

♪ Aba daba daba daba daba daba dab ♪

♪ Said the chimpie to the monk ♪

♪ Aba daba daba daba daba daba daba ♪

♪ Said the monkey to the chimp ♪

♪ All night long they'd chatter away ♪

♪ All day long there were happy and gay ♪

♪ Swingin' and singin' ♪

♪ In a honky-tonky way ♪

♪ Aba daba daba daba daba daba daba ♪

♪ Means monk I love but you ♪

♪ Aba daba dab in monkey talk ♪

♪ Means chimp I love you too ♪

♪ Then the big baboon one night in June ♪

♪ He married them and very soon ♪

♪ They went upon their aba daba honeymoon ♪

♪ Then the big baboon one night in June ♪

♪ He married them and very soon ♪

♪ They went upon their aba daba honey ♪

♪ Aba daba aba daba aba daba honeymoon ♪

♪ A honeymoon ♪♪

Billy, Mrs. Lassinger wants a hot water bag.

- On a night like this? - Don't argue. Fill it.

I'll hold the bag.

Hello, Val.

Why, Patti, what are you doing here

all by your lonesome?

- Mm, waiting for someone. - Billy?

Oh, I should hope not. Demi.

Oh? Do you have a date with him?

Well, not exactly.

But last night when I couldn't go for a walk with him

he said another time, and this is another time, 30--

Oh.

You know, Patti, if you want to intrigue

a sophisticated man like Demi

you're just going to have to learn

to project your personality.

I'm afraid I haven't much to project.

But of course, you have.

Why, why, you're full of latent fire.

All you have to do is fan it a little bit.

Adopt a more alluring manner.

Act more worldly, more, more mysterious

like, uh, like Theda Bara.

Oh, but, Val,

Theda Bara was born in the shadow of the Sphinx and...

and I was born across the street from McSweeney's livery stable.

Theda Bara's the perfect model for you.

Now when you get Demi exactly where you want him

appeal to his protective instinct.

Act helpless.

You know, if there's one thing foreign men adore

it's a clinging vine.

Oh, but, Val, Theda Bara is, is too exotic.

- But, Patti, it's so simple.

All you have to do is, is think of Egypt

the Nile, the pyramids.

You really think it would help?

Absolutely.

Gosh, Val. Thanks a lot.

Don't mention it, darling. I'm always glad to help.

Theda Bara.

- 'What did you say?' - 'Oh, yes, Demi.

'There are two Patti Robinsons.'

'One is gay, carefree, debonaire.'

'The other is deep'

mysterious.

The real me.

The me I keep hidden from the world.

- I'm an iceberg. - I beg your pardon?

Oh, not that I'm cold, mind you

but only one-fifth of me appears above the surface.

Imagine that.

Well, do you suppose the other four-fifths

might care to go for a canoe ride?

Oh, golly, that'd...

Well, that might be rather nice

if you promise not to rock the boat.

The other four-fifths of me can't swim.

Oh, well, then I don't know.

They tell me the lake is pretty deep.

Oh, but I wouldn't be afraid with you.

Why, if anything happened, I...

Well, if anything happened

I'd fling my arms around your neck like a clinging vine

and I'd cling, I'd cling, cling like a...

like a clinging vine.

Patti, I'd love to take you canoeing, but--

Did somebody mention canoeing?

Demi just asked me for a canoe ride.

Unfortunately, she doesn't swim.

Oh, dear, and the Robinsons would never forgive you

if anything happened to their little girl.

Shall we?

Alright. I'm sorry, Patti.

When you learn to swim, hm?

- Let's go, Valerie. - Mm-hmm.

- Of all the gooses. - Geeses.

Letting that vamp walk off with him.

And what was the idea of telling him you couldn't swim?

It wasn't my idea, it was Va...

Oh!

Sometimes I wonder what Billy sees in you.

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ I want to spoon ♪

♪ To my honey I'll croon love's tune ♪

♪ Honeymoon ♪ ♪ Honeymoon ♪

♪ Keep a-shining in June ♪

♪ Your silvery beams will bring love dreams ♪

♪ We'll be cuddling soon ♪

♪ By the silvery moon ♪

Mama and papa.

Gee willikers.

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ I want to spoon ♪

♪ To my honey I'll croon love's tune ♪

♪ Honeymoon ♪ ♪ Won't you listen honeymoon? ♪

♪ Keep a-shining in June ♪ ♪ Keep a-shining in June ♪

♪ Your silvery beams will bring love dreams ♪

♪ We'll be cuddlin' soon ♪ ♪ We'll be cuddlin' soon ♪

♪ Cuddlin' soon ♪

♪ By the silvery moon ♪ ♪ By the silvery moon ♪

♪ By the light ♪

♪ Of the silvery moon ♪

♪ I want to spoon ♪

♪ To my honey I'll croon love's tune ♪

♪ Honeymoon ♪

♪ Keep a-shining in June ♪

♪ Your silvery beams will bring love dreams ♪

♪ We'll be cuddlin' soon ♪

♪ By the silvery ♪

♪ Moon ♪♪

Oh, my dear.

'Oh, my dear Patti.'

You sing like a nightingale.

Oh, I could listen forever.

Do you really like me?

Oh, Patti, can't you see?

To me, you are perfect.

Oh, but, Demi, you're so much older.

- Everybody says so. - Don't listen to them.

In my country, age is unimportant.

Girls marry very young.

Oh, you're not asking me to marry you?

'Not yet. But who knows?'

Who knows? That isn't very definite.

Oh, my darling, isn't it enough for you

to know that you're the one woman I've been seeking?

So beautiful, so alluring.

So, so full of latent fire.

I feel exactly the same way about you, Demi.

But we must be honest with each other.

Of course.

There's something I must tell you.

It wouldn't be fair to go on

until you know the whole truth about me.

You have a past, huh?

Oh, no, no, it, it's right now.

Oh, I, I'm so ashamed.

I don't know how I can say it.

It's something over which I have no control.

You, you're not addicted to drink?

No. Only sodas. Strawberry.

Oh, my darling, whatever it is, I will understand.

I will forgive and, and forget.

Querida, may I kiss you?

If you like.

- Demi, what is it? - No corset!

Oh, Demi, Demi, I tried to tell you.

It will only be 11 months. Please wait.

- What you ask is impossible. - Oh, Demi.

Demi, don't leave me. Please don't leave me.

Demi, don't leave me. Please, Demi.

Demi, please come back to me.

Patti, what is it? What's the matter?

Demi! Huh?

Ah!

She can't swim.

I'll save you. Keep calm. Don't lose your head.

Don't touch me! Don't touch...

Stop struggling!

- Let-- - Stop!

Don't touch me. Go away!

But you can't swim. You'll drown!

- I don't care! - She's hysterical.

Hold her. I'll hit her with the paddle.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Demi, Demi, Demi, Demi, Demi.

Oh, Demi, Demi, I'm so sorry.

- Did I hurt you? - No, it's alright.

- Oh, Demi, Demi. - Where is she?

- Patti! - Demi. Oh, Demi.

Patti, Patti, come back here!

'Patti, come back here!'

Patti, where are you?

Patti?

Patti!

You may as well come out. I will wait.

Now what do you mean telling me you couldn't swim?

I was scared out of a year's growth.

You deserve a good, sound spanking, you know that?

I'm sorry, honest.

I was only trying to...

Well, a girl's not supposed to be independent

able to swim and things like that.

- Who says so? - Valerie.

Oh! She does, does she?

Men don't like it, do they?

Well, that depends.

Some don't and some do.

Well, before you catch cold

you've got to get this dress off.

Now?

As soon as you get back to the hotel.

Just borrowing it, amigo. Alright?

You're not angry anymore?

We'll talk about that in the morning.

- What time? - Come along.

I don't want you to catch the influenza.

Come on, here we go.

- Hello, papa. - Mr. Robinson--

Ten minutes after 10:00!

A fine time to be bringing a girl home.

- What happened? - An accident.

- Patti fell in the lake. - Well, he frightened me.

Y-you frightened her? Is this your idea of a joke?

Oh, no, papa, he was serious.

Uh, uh, where'd you get that blanket?

Oh, when he chased me into the barn.

Well, her dress was soaking wet and-and I--

He wanted me to take it off, but I said--

What? Young man, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Throwing my little girl into the lake

chasing her into a barn

bringing her home in a horse blanket!

Horatio, control yourself. You'll wake up half the hotel.

Yes, and I'll wake up the other half of the hotel!

I was merely trying to tell your husband--

And I mistook this man for a gentleman.

A fellow that plays jokes, chases little girls into barns.

Oh, papa, he's gone.

I'll speak to your council about this!

Beast

You can't do that to my girl. Put 'em up, you-you rounder.

When are you gonna light the fuse, Mr. Finlay?

Tomorrow evening, boys.

- Here you are. - Thanks.

This is going to be the biggest, most elaborate

pyrotechnical display in the entire Catskills.

Oh, Billy, make sure all the Roman candles

and the skyrockets are pointing north.

Then come inside and change the flypaper.

- What are pyrotechnicals? - Shh.

Those things we got hidden under the bed.

Oh.

Alright, Katie.

One, two, three, inhale.

Ah. Every summer, it gets a little more difficult.

Oh, not that you're gaining weight, my dear.

It's that I'm losing muscle.

Oh.

- Horatio, the children. - Oh, it's alright.

I imagine by now, they suspect we're rather fond of each other.

Come in.

Hello, Patti. W-W-What's the...

Why aren't you dressed for the dance?

What dance?

Oh, that.

Well, well, I'm not going.

I'd much rather stay here

and take care of Mac and Ricky.

Oh, look here, Melba can do that.

She should be at the party

with the rest of the young people.

That Armendez fellow is taking Valerie

and she refuses to go with anyone else.

Oh. What's the matter with Billy?

Oh, papa. Billy, he's just a child.

How will I look walking in with a child who's still in knickers?

A lot more sensible than you would with a grown man.

Now, Patti, I think you're taking this all too seriously.

You'll have a lot of boys before you find

the right one. Won't she, mama?

Did you have a lot of girls before you met mama?

Who-who, me? Of course.

Well, that's not what mama says.

Oh, well, of course.

Your mama didn't know anything about that.

There was one in particular, a-a stylish little red head.

She had, uh, big brown eyes.

She had a turned up nose. She had the, oh!

She, she was a pip.

- What was her name? - Hmm, who? Oh, Beula.

Beula was crazy about me.

She kept giving me presents all the time.

Crochet necktie, she gave me a hand-painted shaving mug

with forget-me-nots on it.

'Painted it herself, you know.'

'That was her perfume.'

'Every time I smell forget-me-nots'

'it brings me back to Beula.'

- What happened to her? - Uh, uh, Beula?

She married another man.

Millionaire, mind you.

I thought my life would end.

But here I am, still going strong.

- Eh, mama? - My, yes.

It will be the same with you, my dear.

After we're home a couple of weeks

you'll forget all about this foreign fella.

- Isn't that so, dear? - Oh, yes.

Just as you forgot all about that stylish little redhead.

Come say goodnight to the boys, dear.

The Stresemanns are waiting for us in the lobby.

Oh, no, no, no, Katie, not the chicken feathers again.

Oh, Horatio, they're very fashionable.

Yes, well, I only hope we don't run into a rooster.

- Boys, stop that! - Hey, hey.

- Hold on here. - Time for you to quiet down.

What's the idea? Why have they got

their sister's night dresses on?

The girls have outgrown them, Horatio

but they're still perfectly good.

There's no reason why they should go to waste.

Besides, nobody's ever going to see them.

Time for you to settle down now.

Night, dear. Night, darling.

- Patti's going to sit with you. - Well, goodnight, girls.

Uh, I mean, boys.

Night.

The blanket belongs to the horse.

Now, you boys, stop it. Remember what mama said.

Hi, Patti. Look, cut myself.

- Doin' what? - Shavin', of course.

Oh.

Patti, how about changing your mind

and coming to the dance with me?

Billy, I already told--

But I got long pants.

I borrowed them from Adolph Glick

the undertaker's son.

His father's got all sizes.

Please, Patti, be a sport.

Very well then, Billy, but only under one condition.

That you promise to dance every dance with me.

Gee, Patti, I didn't know you felt that way.

My feeling for you is purely maternal, Billy.

It's just that...

Well, for certain reasons

I can't let anyone else put his arms around me.

Well, that's Jake with me.

Look, you get dressed and I'll go pick up the pants.

Oh, where are they?

Down the old Moravian Cemetery

behind Ezekiel, beloved husband of Arabella.

Billy. Well, it's about time.

- What kept you? - It's these pants.

I think they must have been made for bigger remains.

- Well, let me see. - Well, I--

Billy!

Well, I told ya.

Well, don't just stand there. Pull 'em up.

I think I need suspenders.

Don't you know anything about men's pants?

My father has some. Wait for me. I'll be right back.

'Well, Valerie, I should imagine'

'you'd find the theatrical profession'

quite fascinating.

Of course, a career is all very well and good

but what a woman really longs for is a home and babies.

Don't you just adore babies?

Well, I don't know. I never had any.

'I was talking to my mother only yesterday'

and, and I told her that if the right man came along

I'd give up my career in an instant.

Oh, I'd be very sure it was the right man

before I made such an important decision.

Oh, but I am sure.

Well, what I mean is, when it's the right thing

you know it at once.

'Love is, is like that, Demi darling.'

'Yes, I... Yes, it is.'

Uh, shall we dance?

Billy! What are you doing in those pants?

Looking for suspenders.

Billy, you've deliberately disobeyed me.

Take them off and I'll see you in your room.

Oh, father, be reasonable. Patti's waiting.

Get out of those pants!

Billy, how dare you!

You ought to be ashamed!

What for? His legs are beautiful.

What a perfect couple.

Wouldn't they have beautiful children?

That depends upon whom they marry.

Phew. Gee, it's sure a scorcher.

Maybe if you didn't wear celluloid, you know.

Oh. You seen any stray skirts around?

I'd like a turkey chop, but they all got gobblers.

You have my deepest sympathy.

Patti?

I find you in the strangest places.

Now what are you doing under this canoe?

- Waiting for suspenders. - Sus... You wear suspenders?

Oh, no, not me.

My friend.

You know, I've never met anyone quite like you.

You're an amazing young woman.

Woman?

An amazing young lady then

if you object to being called a woman.

Oh, no. No, I don't.

Um, may I have this dance?

Oh, no. No, I've got to go home.

But you said you were waiting for your friend.

Well, well, he wouldn't like it.

- He's very possessive. - So am I.

Oh, uh, please don't hold me close.

I-I'm subject to fainting spells.

Oh, very well. Arms length.

- Do you hesitate? - Well, I, I try not to.

No, I mean, in the waltz. The dip step.

Oh, yes, I, I can be very dippy.

You're not having one of your fainting spells, are you?

Oh, Patti.

The dance is supposed to end that way.

Didn't you know?

Ladies and gentlemen, form your circles for the polka.

It's alright, Patti. This dance ends quite differently.

Imagine coming to a dance half dressed.

Gee, who?

No foolin'.

Ain't got your pin feathers yet, eh?

I always knew I hated you, Eddie Gavin, and now I know why.

Oh, why don't you go back to your dolls?

Does your mother know you're out, little girl?

No one asked you to dance with me.

Oh, don't be a crybaby.

- Why, look, there's Patti. - Huh?

Well, what did I tell you? She's havin' a wonderful time.

But does she have to wear them?

Certainly.

A man your age ought to know better.

Everybody's accusing you of robbing the cradle.

Oh, hello, dear. Have some punch. That's good...

Well, Patti, what's the matter?

Oh, papa...

Uh, here.

Golly, what happened?

I want to die.

Gee, What did Billy do?

It's all his fault.

He should have worn suspenders.

Patti.

Patti dear. No, no, no, wh-wh-what happened?

- She wants to die. - Oh, now there, there.

Don't, don't cry so hard.

Oh, father, I want to go home.

My reputation in the Catskills is ruined.

Yes, now, well, papa's here now.

You tell papa all about it.

- Well... - What happened?

- First, he lost his pants. - Who?

Billy. Then he kissed me.

Uh, Billy?

Then he put his arms around me.

- Who? - Demi Armendez.

What? That rounder again?

Then the most awful thing happened.

Oh, papa, I'm so ashamed.

Now hold on. What did that man do?

It wasn't what I wanted. It's what you and mama wanted.

I'm the only girl almost 18 who doesn't...

Doesn't what?

Who doesn't own a pair of corsets.

- Oh. - I warned her to be careful.

Oh, that's all?

Oh! Papa, I won't be laughed at. I won't.

I can never show my face among decent people again.

Well, now, honey, it's-it's a very pretty little face.

Everybody knows my secret. I'm a marked woman now.

Oh, there, there's your mama.

Come in, Katie.

You!

What are you doing here?

I'm terribly sorry about what happened.

- Is there anything I can do? - You've done enough.

Young man, I demand to know what your intentions are

toward my daughter.

Intentions?

Why, I have no intentions, Mr. Robinson.

- She's just a child. - Child?

Oh, no.

Here we go again.

I never wanna see him again.

There. Hear that? Now go away.

The shouting in here, you'll have to stop.

I pay my board! I'll shout whenever I want to!

But, Mr. Robinson, I can't have you disturbing

other guests at this hour of the night.

- After all, they pay their... - Daily routine?

'Your screaming and shouting is keeping them awake.'

'Now, please, have some consideration for them...'

If you were a man, you'd meet me out on the lawn.

If you were a man, I would.

Mr. Robinson, this is a family hotel.

And this is a family matter and I'll trouble you

to keep your nose out of it. Katie.

Papa, what happened? Why did you leave the dance?

Katie, I wanna talk to you.

Alone!

What is it? Where's my little girl?

That's just the trouble, you're always trying to keep her

a little girl. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

The mess you've got my daughter into.

I? Just a minute, Horatio. Let's start at the beginning.

Alright. First, he lost his pants.

- Who? - Billy.

- Then he kissed her. - Billy?

No. Then he put his arm around her.

- Who? - That Cuban fella!

- And that isn't all. - Oh, no, my poor baby.

Your poor baby isn't a baby anymore

and everybody's laughing at her because you won't let her wear

one of those, those figure pinchers.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

I won't have my daughter a laughing stock.

It's high time I took charge of the welfare of this family.

My girls are dressed like babies.

My boys are dressed like girls.

I don't think you know anything about bringing up my children.

- Oh, you don't? - No.

I suppose that stylish little redhead could have done better.

- What little redhead? - So there was more than one.

Oh, oh, now, Katie, now wait a minute. You're being foolish.

It came out finally, didn't it?

All these years, you've been going around

pretending there was no one else.

No, Katie, there was never anybody but you.

I was second choice and you know it.

You only married me because Beula wouldn't have you.

Now, Katie, I made all that up. I-I was sitting there.

I-I winked at you. You saw me.

For a girl who doesn't exist

you certainly described her perfectly.

Well, she doesn't exist, she--

- I know who it was too. - Who?

That carrot-top little barmaid

who used to work in Scholz's Beer Garden.

Scholz's Beer Garden? Katie, you're out of your mind.

First, I'm not a fit mother. Now I'm out of my mind?

No, Katie, I didn't say you were out of your... I didn't mean...

I refuse to stay here and be insulted any further.

Well, where are you, where are you going?

I'll undress in the bathroom.

You can't. This isn't our night.

'Mm.'

For gosh sake, Patti, stop blubbering

and let's get some sleep.

I'll never sleep again. Never.

You're gonna be awful tired by the time you're 30.

Oh, Patti dear, don't cry so.

No man is worth it.

You don't understand. My reputation's ruined.

Oh, it isn't as bad as you think.

Nothing is so terrible

it can't be lived down and forgotten.

Oh, mama, I want to go home.

Now running away never solved anything.

These things seem so tragic at your age.

But in a few years, you'll look back

and laugh at the whole thing.

Laugh? How can a mother say such a thing to her daughter?

Oh, believe me, darling, when I was 17

I felt just the same way.

Only with me, it was bustles.

I thought I couldn't live without one, but I did.

But that's different. Bustles were silly.

Now that's only in the point of view.

Ten years from now, you'll probably think

corsets were silly.

How am I gonna get through those ten years?

With you sniffling and mom lecturin'

how am I gonna get through the night?

'Ah!'

Mm.

Help! Help!

Help!

Well, it's been a grand and glorious third.

'Hello, Patti. Feeling better?'

'I haven't been sick.'

'I do wish you'd stop following me.'

I'm not. I'm followin' the hedge.

Patti, it's not healthy for you to be a hermit.

You ought to get out more among your friends.

I have no friends.

You have me.

Oh, I know what you're goin' through, Patti.

We're in the same boat.

With me, it's knickers and with you, it's...

Some parents ought to be locked up.

It's not only that, Billy.

The other night, my parents had their first quarrel

and it was over me.

'Why, they're not even sleeping in the same room.'

Yeah, I guess one room is kind of small

when two people aren't speakin'.

You know?

When I served dinner last night

your mother asked me to ask your father

to ask your brother to pass the gravy.

It's all because mama won't let me grow up.

She won't let the way I look outside

catch up with the way I feel inside.

Oh, parents know so little about us.

What we think, how we feel, our problems.

They know nothing about our world.

'They don't seem to want to.'

'They've forgotten they were ever in it.'

'Whether we're happy or not doesn't seem to matter.'

'As long as we do what they think we should do.'

Somebody our age ought to tell people their age

about people our age.

I know it.

Patti, help me out tonight at the show.

Do our old number with me.

Gosh, Billy, I'd like to

but I'm never going to appear in public again until I own--

Golly, I wish I had the money to buy you a pair of--

Billy.

That's a very nice thought though.

Thank you.

Ah!

It's papa!

- Did you hurt yourself, papa? - Of course, I hurt myself.

Children, I wanna ask you something.

- We didn't do it, papa, honest. - We didn't do it, papa, honest.

- Didn't do what? - Whatever it was.

Children...

are you happy?

Am I a good father or do you think I should be locked up?

Let me into your world.

Let me do something for you.

'Yeah.'

'Is there anything you need?'

I need some worms to go fishing.

Worms? Oh, yes.

Here's a dime. Buy yourself a shovel.

I'd like a white rabbit.

You shall have two white rabbits.

No, wait a minute, on second thought

perhaps one would be better.

Melba, is there anything I can get for you?

'No, papa.

What I want, I think I can get for myself.

Gee, he must have fallen on his head.

Yeah.

♪ To you beautiful lady ♪

♪ I raise my eyes ♪

♪ My heart beautiful lady ♪

♪ To your heart sighs ♪

♪ Come come beautiful lady ♪

♪ To paradise ♪

♪ E're the sweet sweet waltz dream dies ♪

♪ Glide glide beautiful lady ♪

♪ On light bright wings ♪

♪ While the rapture of music ♪

♪ Around us swings ♪

♪ Dream dream dream and forget ♪

♪ Care pain useless regret ♪

♪ Love love beautiful lady ♪

♪ In my heart sings ♪♪

♪ I have a true and noble lover ♪

♪ He is my sweetheart all my own ♪

♪ He is like on Earth who shall discover ♪

♪ His heart is mine ♪

♪ And mine alone ♪

♪ We pledged our troth each to the other ♪

♪ And for our happiness I pray ♪

♪ Our lives belong to one another ♪

♪ Oh happy happy wedding day ♪

♪ Oh happy happy ♪

♪ Wedding day ♪

♪ Come come ♪

♪ I love you only ♪

♪ My heart is true ♪

♪ Come come ♪

♪ My life is lonely ♪

♪ I long for you ♪

♪ Come come ♪

♪ Naught can efface you ♪

♪ My arms are aching ♪

♪ Now to embrace you ♪

♪ Thou art divine ♪

♪ Come come ♪

♪ I love you only ♪

♪ Come ♪

♪ Hero mine ♪

♪ Come hero mine ♪

♪ Come come ♪

♪ Naught can efface you ♪

♪ My arms are aching ♪

♪ Now to embrace you ♪

♪ Thou art divine ♪

♪ Come come ♪

♪ I love you only ♪

♪ Come hero ♪ ♪ Sweetheart ♪

♪ Mine ♪♪

- Melba? - 'No, darling, it's papa.'

Well, darling, have you changed your mind

about going to the show tonight?

How can I in my condition?

I don't know. I'd, uh, I'd like to see you go.

Oh, I can't. Nothing can induce me.

Nothing?

Well, perhaps one thing, but that's impossible.

My dear child, to papa, nothing is impossible.

You-you know, you lace them up

on the, on the bedpost, you know.

Oh, and, uh,

you know that black dress of your mama's?

Now you get Miss Zilly to fix that up to fit you.

Oh, papa.

Oh, papa!

You're the most wonderful papa in the world.

- Thanks, dear. - Oh, golly.

♪ Young Johnny Jones he had a cute little boat ♪

♪ Bet your life ♪

♪ And all the girlies ♪

♪ He would take for a float ♪

♪ Uh-huh he had girlies ♪

♪ On the shore ♪

♪ Sweet little peaches by the score ♪

♪ Ho ho ho ho but Johnny was a wisenheimer you know ♪

♪ Why his steady girl was He ♪

♪ That's me ♪

♪ And every Sunday afternoon ♪

♪ She'd jump in his boat and they'd spoon ♪

♪ And then he'd row row row way up the river ♪

♪ He would row row row a hug he'd give her ♪

♪ Then he'd kiss her now and then ♪

♪ She would tell him when ♪

♪ He'd fool around and fool around ♪

♪ And then they'd kiss again ♪

♪ And then he'd row row row a little further ♪

♪ He would row oh how he'd row ♪

♪ Then he'd drop both his oars ♪

♪ Take a few more encores ♪

♪ And then he'd row row row ♪

♪ Then he'd drop both his oars ♪

♪ Take a few more encores ♪

♪ And then he'd row row row ♪♪

Oh, honey, you were wonderful.

- I did three bows. - I know you did.

Gee, if I'd known you were gonna be here, Patti

I would have done the number with you.

Oh, well, thanks, Billy, but Mr. Finlay asked me to sing.

- Oh. - Alright, Eddie. You're on.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I guess I'll go get dressed.

Mr. Finlay.

What's Patti doing backstage?

'Why, I'm putting her on for a song'

'right after Jane Schimpf's birdcalls.'

'Well, I won't have it. Everything goes wrong'

'when that troublemaker's around.'

'You know, Mr. Finlay, I have my professional reputation'

to think about and as the star of this show

I will not appear on the same bill.

'But, Valerie, I just asked her to fill a spot--'

'This theater is not big enough for the two of us.'

'Now which one of us goes?'

- I guess that's me. - 'Oh, Miss Robinson, I--'

It's alright, Mr. Finlay. I'll go.

Thank you for being so kind.

Mr. Finlay, it's not my artistic temperament.

It's just that Patti's a plain, old-fashioned jinx.

Mother? Mr. Finlay!

Valerie, what is it? What happened?

My dancing shoes, they're gone.

Hurry up, Valerie. You follow Eddie Gavin.

I'm not a barefoot dancer.

Someone's taken my darling's little shoes.

Well, where are your street shoes?

I didn't bring any and I can't do this dance

in bedroom slippers.

Some miserable sneak stole my shoes.

Now who we...

- Billy Finlay. - Who, me?

Yes, you. You did it for Patti.

My son is an honest boy.

Why, he wouldn't think of...

Where are they?

Oh, Billy Finlay.

Ah.

- Oh! - How dare you?

- I wear a size 4 AAA. - Yes.

Well, they were here a minute ago.

I refuse to submit to these indignities.

I won't go on. I won't go on and that's final.

You can give the people all their money back.

Come, mother. I've had enough of amateur theatricals.

Who wants their money back? Anybody can do her number.

- My sister, for instance. - Yeah, but she doesn't know it.

I beg to differ.

She peeked in the window all during rehearsals.

She did? Well, where is she?

I don't know. You might try the drugstore.

Here we are.

Here's a nice strawberry soda.

I guess there's nothing left for me to do

but become a missionary.

Well, you wouldn't want to do that in an empty stomach.

Try this.

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Penford.

- Hello, Billy. - Patti, the show's in trouble.

My father wants you to take Valerie's place.

- She walked out. - She did?

How would I know her number?

Well, you peeked in the window during rehearsals.

Oh.

No, Billy. It's out of the question.

Well, if you don't, Patti, we'll have to give the money back

and it was supposed to go to the preservation of wildlife

in the Catskills.

It was?

Think of all those poor little beavers

and, and possums, skunks and...

You're right, Billy.

I mustn't let my personal feelings stand in the way

of our four-footed friends.

- Come on. - Gee, I hope I peeked enough.

- You did. - Thanks for the soda.

There goes one of my satisfied customers.

Only this afternoon, her father bought her one of these corsets.

Oh.

'She's undoubtedly suffering from curvature of the spine.'

Oh.

Uh, the-the corset will correct it.

Uh, but you mustn't bend over in them

or they lock... like so.

Really?

'Patti, are you ready?'

You are going to dance with me, aren't you?

Please, I-I need you.

Oh, Patti, can't you ever forgive me for what I did?

Whatever it was.

If you don't, I'll, I'll drown myself in the lake.

Oh, Patti.

'Senor Armendez, '

'Miss Robinson, you're on.'

So that's where they went.

What are you doin' after the show?

Why, there's Patti. And that's my best dress.

Tell mama it was.

- It was. - It was.

You can straighten up now, Patti.

- I can't. - You can't?

What? You can't?

Smile, Patti. Smile.

Smile, smile.

She's laced them up too tight.

What's she got? Lockjaw?

Stand back, stand back. Give her air, will you?

Frozen muscles. Very interesting.

It's that straitjacket.

What have you done to my child?

Mr. Robinson, your child is no longer a child.

I'll take charge of this. Carry her to the dressing room.

Here, give her to me.

Imagine, one kiss causing such complete paralysis.

Mind your own business! You buy that man some pants.

Just set her down here on the couch, please.

On my side, please.

Yeah, thank you very much.

- Now, everyone, out. - Yes, everybody, out.

- You, too. You, too, papa. - Everybody.

Me too? Okay, alright.

- Hurry, mama. - Oh, Patti honey.

Darling, a surgical corset!

Your father ought to have his head examined.

- There. - Oh!

Oh, mama, how would he know?

In other words, I should have picked it out.

You're a woman, mother.

Oh.

And so are you, my baby.

Tomorrow we'll get you a La Belle Mode Corset.

We will?

Well, unless you'd rather have

a whalebone wasp waist.

- Oh, mother. - But as for my new dress--

Oh, I didn't hurt it, honest.

You wear it much better than I ever did.

I think you better keep it.

Besides, don't tell papa, but I can't get into it anymore.

Oh, mama.

Mr. Robinson, I'd like permission

to call on your daughter when we get back to the city.

- What for? - Oh, to see her.

To talk to her. To get to know her better.

It seems to me you know her well enough.

All this kissing, all this bend--

It is customary in my country

to ask permission to call

when a man's intentions are serious.

Of course, you may call, Demi. We'll be very happy to see you.

Look here, Katie, this man's trying--

- I know. - Uh, but this is my daughter.

Papa, don't you think it's about time

you two stopped acting like children?

Why, the way you're behaving

the kids aren't getting any sleep.

'Patti.'

Oh, mama.

- Oh! - Aww.

Well, look at that.

I walked the floor with her, brought her through sickness

helped her with her homework

and worried and worried about her happiness.

And now what do I do?

I walk into a church and when the preacher asks

"Who gives this woman to this man?"

I stand up like a fool and say, "I do."

Papa, my father was no fool.