Original subtitles

Thank you.

If my dad stood in front of the grand jury, Up on a charge of impersonating my

father. I didn't think they'd throw the case out the window.

But then again, that's my dad. Damn you, Charlie!

I think he's just been misunderstood.

Well, I can't have cup of deed.

And throwing fruit at me ain't gonna change my mind.

He ain't even mine.

Oops.

Don't you tarnish me with that brush.

Of course he's yours. Look at him. He's a pain in the butt, ain't he?

Believe me, I have done my time with him, Charlie.

You kept me hidden away too long while you went poking your six -gun around

with your hoodlum buddies.

Oh, yeah, you didn't care about my life.

Who cares if I lose my career, my identity, my figure?

Well, this is it, Charlie.

I have had it.

I'm going back to the stage.

I'm leaving you for art.

And this time, I ain't coming back!

Promise?

Now, I always knew my mother didn't want me.

She had dreams to chase, and I didn't figure in them.

But then, you know, I was never Mama's boy anyways. And my father...

He just needs to discover the joys of fatherhood.

Shut your pie hole and don't move.

And don't touch nothing either.

And don't get too comfortable.

I'm working on getting you out of here.

I thought I told you to sit down and keep it shut.

Yeah, what?

Since when do you talk to me like that?

Now, there's only one person who yanks my dad's chain.

Benny the Bomb Palladino.

Sorry. I was just joking here.

Charlie, you make a lousy comedian, you know that?

I ain't laughing.

Listen.

Ain't nobody laughing.

So quit with the funky business.

I need you to pick up you know what from you know who.

You know, I like you, Charlie. I don't know why, but I'm giving you this last

opportunity to make up for your little mistake.

Might even give you 10 % since you caught me in a good mood.

But you don't get this chance twice.

You bring back, you know what, whatever it takes.

Owen, Charlie.

Yeah, boss.

No more jokes, you hear?

You know who ain't got my sense of humor.

And...

100

% legitimate.

The law won't have a thing on me.

We'll get rid of that young punk Irish hooligan once and for all.

And put respectable criminals back on the street.

Just leave it to me.

Remember, Ellis, I want you -know -who for murder.

Nothing else.

What are you looking at?

Take me with you. I'll phone the cop.

And that's when things started to go wrong.

My dad was never meant to be a gang player, but he had no choice.

You see, he owed Benny big time.

Benny caught him cheating with marked cards at one of his joint years back,

since then, my dad's been doing Benny favors just to keep himself out of the

hospital.

Or worse.

This favor was different.

This favor was suicide.

There was no way McCrae the Irishman was going to give up the you -know -what.

And Benny knew it.

My dad was a sitting duck.

All I need is a bit of dough.

I don't need much.

Buy some land with a tree in the middle.

You won't see me for duck.

Wait in the car.

Trick or treat.

Remind the boys not to go in till I give the command.

They must wait until I give the command.

Make sure you tell them.

My boys, wait for the chief to come in. Got you.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six. Hey, Earl.

Do you have to do that?

I'm only asking you to count out miles of ten, Earl.

It ain't brain surgery.

Maybe it needs brain surgery.

I don't want any trouble inside the club.

The only brain surgery you'll see, boy, is when I operate on yours with these

fists.

Keep Monkey Boy here behind bars.

People tend to panic and shoot dangerous animals.

And you should know.

I guess Earl here is not as dangerous as your muscle.

This fella ain't so biggie, the McCrae, but he sure packs a punch.

Let's keep this civilized.

Take a seat.

Take it you're not here because you read the good reviews.

You're right.

It was word of mouth brought me here.

A friend's recommendation.

Really?

And, uh... What did this friend recommend exactly?

He recommends you pay him what you owe him.

Well, you tell this friend I'll pay him exactly what his service is worth.

Jack diddly squat.

With bells on.

Three times in the last month.

Three times in the last month, the cops have shown up here.

Three times.

Now, if you think I got to be where I am today by giving away hard -earned money

for nothing, then I ain't ugly Jim McRae.

I got enough illegal booze on this place to think the Titanic twice over.

That's why I pay your friend all that dough, to keep the pigs from sniffing

around here. But now look what happens.

Three times in the last month.

So you can tell your friend to... Take his recommendations and shove them up

own butt. But ask yourself this.

Why should my friend stop his more, shall we say, legal -minded associates

visiting you?

If he ain't even getting a slice of the pie.

Your boss ain't gonna be the boss of bosses much longer.

Yeah, right.

The power's moving downtown.

You'll get no money from me.

Now get out.

I need that money, McCray.

I won't leave without it.

Put the toys away, boys.

It doesn't have to be like this.

me thinking he didn't care.

Boo!

Dad, I had to pop through the list because I thought they were going to

you. That's your pie hole.

Did you forget the signal, Chief?

No.

We're a clone.

I want to be the one to tell you.

You ain't gonna get away with this, McRae.

Get away with what, exactly?

You know who this is?

Don't throw any bull at me, McRae. I ain't no matador.

He ain't gonna draw me into any war because you bumped off one of my men.

The cops are waiting for you.

Outside.

Well, you send him in, Benny. Ain't no one been bumped off here.

Not tonight, anyway.

Sure, your man was here.

And he got the money, too. Ten Gs a whole week's earnings.

But now you owe me.

I gotta get the decorators in here to patch up the club.

I want to learn to control your children, Benny. Someone might get hurt.

Sorry!

Don't answer it. You need time to explain.

Hello? What's that stupid voice? What, somebody strangled you? Poisoned you

what? No, I'm sorry.

All right, take a deep breath.

Tell me how you got it, you know what.

What if I didn't get it?

With a hiccup or two.

Things didn't quite go as planned.

What's going on here?

You got you know what? Or what?

No, he wouldn't give it to me.

But I got a plan.

This is your last chance, Charlie.

And you better be telling the truth.

Sit down.

Don't move.

I'll call you back.

Now you see what happens? You see what you've done?

Now I've got to head south, because there's only one way I'm going to get

out of this one.

But, Dad, you said that all you need is once you've got the money, then... All I

need is for you to do what I tell you and keep that runaway Matthew shut. Can

you do that for once?

As soon as I get my 10%, you've got to think you've been done.

I've got no time or information, but, baby, it's a good deal.

Phone rings, don't answer it. Do you hear me?

Back from delivery.

No, no, no.

Leave.

written invitation.

The fact was that we were officially on the run. Put your gun down.

Me

and

my dad worked together.

And like a good, obedient son, I kept my pie hole shut.

Dad, where are we going?

I thought we had a deal. You keep that pie hole shut.

Promise not to leave you out here to converse with the coyotes. I'm coming

the gaskets. I'm warning you.

I need to take a pee.

Dad, I think I just peed in your car.

Well, the coyotes never got the pleasure of my company. Because before my dad

could find them, he arrived in cheerful. The apple capital, where happiness

grows on trees.

Best kept secret in the south.

Population, 242.

Okay, make that 241.

Yeah,

and this is nothing like a friendly welcome.

Well,

it ain't no best -kept secret that this town is the capital of Ugly Jim's

bootlegging operation.

So my dad figured that Ugly Jim would need to pay the guys making his wits and

that he would be sending the money through the bank he runs. Hearing you.

My dad's plan was to steal back the money that, strictly speaking, ugly Jim

to Benny. And strictly speaking, that ain't even stealing.

That was his plan.

And step one was to sit back and wait for the bank to open.

Earth to earth.

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust.

In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life.

Through our Lord Jesus Christ, who shall change the body of our low estate, that

it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby

he is able to subdue all things to himself.

Amen.

Sheriff, are you going to do anything about this?

I don't want to wake up dead one morning just because I've stood up for this

town. Mrs. Hammond.

Ellen.

As far as the law is concerned, this was a terrible, tragic accident.

Case closed.

God rest his soul.

Believe me, there ain't nothing we can do about it except mind our own

Keep our heads down and our back up.

This whole thing will go over soon, I tell you.

Like a regular tornado.

And like a tornado, it will destroy everything in its path.

Ellen, I've been on the force since I was high enough to kick a cricket in the

ass.

It's time next year I'm to hit retirement with a pension that ain't

feed my dog.

If I had one.

Got me a bullet lodged in the place that kept me from taking a wife all these

years, and I ain't looking to add to it.

I ain't no coward, Ellen, but I ain't stupid either.

Like I said, it's going to blow over.

I want to be here when the dust clears.

And when it does, I just hope there's something left to see.

The Lord may be your shepherd, but it doesn't mean you have to stand around

a dumb sheep.

Phyllis, why don't you herd the boys on over to the bar?

Take the afternoon off out of respect for the department.

You got that right.

Won't be long. Stay in the car. Keep out of trouble.

We don't want to attract attention.

Hello?

Well, hello, stranger.

Ain't you going to introduce yourself?

I take it you ain't wearing that mask because you're a shy boy.

So tell me, what can a vulnerable girl let all of her lonesome do for a

big, powerful man like you?

She can open a safe. That falls as what you think it is.

Oh, how predictable, honey.

You men are all the same. You only want one thing, and sadly, it's money.

Give me ten grand. No more, no less.

Ain't no one in this town got any money, honey.

Not till Friday, when they get paid.

I ain't interested in that money. What about the McCray account?

Oh, you're a luck sugar.

There won't be any dough in that account for another week.

Looks like you got yourself all excited and arrived too soon.

A week? That ain't possible.

Must have made a mistake, lady.

Oh, honey, the only mistake I made was coming to this dirtball town in the

place.

Apparently, someone stole the money up in the city before they could wire it.

Can you imagine what sort of person would do a crazy thing like that?

You got insurance?

Only insurance. This bank's got is the owner's name, Jim McRae.

Ain't no one.

ever had the hoods for the robin.

That makes you kind of special.

That voice failed to rise to the occasion.

So we had to stick around until payday without attracting any attention.

What was it?

Grumble.

What can I get you, sir?

I can really recommend Big Lucy's juices.

Whiskey.

Where you been hiding, mister?

Even out here, we still got the prohibition.

I can't serve you no liquor, but I do have plenty of juice.

Scotch juice, Irish juice, Canadian.

I had to make sure you ain't a federal marshal in disguise.

Single or double?

Give me both.

Sure must be thirsty.

Yeah, if I knew I was going to be this thirsty today, I would have drunk more

last night. Well, welcome to cheerful.

Best kept secret in the Midwest.

The secret's safe with me.

I ain't seen you around here before.

Are you from the city, mister?

Well, they're burying out there.

School teacher?

Had an accident.

Kinda.

Strangely, she'll be heading away from the city.

Most our menfolk have run up there, looking for work.

Let me ask you.

Do you give credit?

Now, that depends what for.

What's your business here, boy?

We don't like no strangers snooping around our town, looking us up and down

we all got two heads and ten toes.

I got no interest in looking you up, down, side to side, or any of the ways

that matter.

Now, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm trying to read you fine newspaper here.

You smart boy.

But let me tell you something.

Reading don't count for nothing out here.

It certainly ain't taught you how to avoid a hide -and -none. Johnny, pass me

that there baseball bat.

I'm gonna whack this guy's head back to the Wrigley Stadium.

Hold on now, boys. Let's talk this through.

Shut your big fat mouth, Lucy.

Okay, okay.

Drop the Babe Ruth routine. I'll pitch you the news you want.

Fellas.

I'm here to do a job.

I'm your new school teacher.

You there!

Freeze! Police!

This yours?

I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.

Looks like I caught me a thieving little musketeer.

What do you say, babyface?

Speak up, sonny.

Name's not babyface.

I ain't your sonny.

Did you escape from somewhere?

I don't know how you sleep at night.

Well, let's hope you're never there to find out.

You should be ashamed of yourself, guzzling bathtub booze in a bar while

poor child runs riot on the street.

That's my idea of education.

Your son is a thief, mister. He robbed my store, and I want to know what you're

going to do about it. I want justice, and compensation, and justice.

It wasn't me, Dad.

Then whose hand's inside that jar, Einstein?

They're convicted evidence, Dad.

They'll never make it stick.

He should be in school, learning.

Let's not be too hasty here.

Yeah, I'm attending the school of life.

Mrs. Heaven's right.

Babyface here needs discipline.

Young fella needs schooling what's good and correct.

Tell you what I'll do.

I'll make a deal with you.

I'll let this incident pass.

You guarantee me the boy's in school all day, every day, while you're in town.

Well, we ain't staying in town, Dad, are we?

I don't suppose you could lock them up, could you, Sheriff?

No can do. That was too small.

Put through the bars.

You owe me $3 for the jar.

Don't leave town before you pay me.

I wouldn't stay too long around here, neither.

It ain't healthy.

What's that for?

It's root beer for you. I thought you might be thirsty.

You mean you want to shut me up again?

Go on, take it.

Arch.

Son.

I know it's hard for you moving from place to place.

I ain't complaining.

You mean you're not complaining. You see, you need schooling.

Well, I ain't going.

You mean you're not going.

Good. I'm glad we agree.

I'm not going.

All right, you little brat. I'll make it perfectly clear. You got me in enough

trouble already, and that stops now.

I'm bigger and meaner than you are, so I'm telling you straight. You're going

school. No debate.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

No, but you can whip until he gets the idea.

Son, if I gotta go, you gotta go.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm the new teacher.

So we got no choice.

You mean we have no choice?

Yeah, that's right.

Look how you're improving already.

You give credit.

What time do you call this?

We didn't learn the time yet.

All right, big guy. Take a seat.

All right, kid.

This is the deal.

I know you don't want to be here, and believe me, I want to be here even less.

Now, I can make our time here very easy, or I can make it very tough.

The choice is yours.

Any questions?

Good.

So...

Open your books and carry on from where you stopped and keep it quiet.

And remember, learning should be fun.

No, thanks.

Now while I'm in duty.

You think McRae kept the money?

I don't seem like Charlie to make off with it.

You don't seem that switched on.

Maybe. Maybe Jim Gray's bluffing.

Charlie ain't here to defend himself. He's gone to ground. He left me with a

rumpus on my hands.

But Cray ain't impressed that you set him up.

He's dangerous.

I say we take him out, plain and simple. Get rid of the doofus once and for all.

You know, it hurts me to say it, Chief, but those days are over.

Ain't about the butterbang anymore.

We gotta move with the times.

Crime's going legit.

Big business now.

Got to wipe my noses clean.

Jeez. You're a real progressive criminal, Benny.

All

right.

Let's go.

You're late, McCray.

Oh, pardon me.

And who are you, me old school teacher? Knock it off, boys.

How's the decorating going, kid?

Extensive.

Better be calling her a few debts, maybe.

Bring a few of your people into line if you catch me drift.

You ain't gonna drift nowhere.

You still owe me, and don't you forget it.

Boy, oh, you're all right.

You set me up.

I set you up.

You set me up.

I set you up.

Tennis game.

The guy with the most strings on his racket wins.

That ain't gonna be you.

Well...

Maybe I got an ace up me sleeve.

Ain't you kind of mixing your metaphors, kid?

Don't join the game unless you can compete.

I'm gonna... I might do a deal.

I'll help you stay out of jail if you just forget this whole misunderstanding.

You can keep the booze business.

Word is that Roosevelt's gonna repeal prohibition around Christmas time

So, then you'll be legit.

Just don't start any other businesses.

All right?

Now, the ball is in your corner.

But believe me, you better not hit it back over here.

What's wrong, old man?

You lost your edge.

You scared of a fight?

This ain't no schoolyard scuffle, kid.

This is the big league.

Here's the small punk who's been lucky up until now.

But your luck is running out.

I can afford to make my own luck now, Chief.

See?

I'm branching out.

I got gambling, loan sharking. You name it, I'm getting a piece of it.

It'll bring in the big dough if and when booze goes legit.

Plus, I get the respect of me people.

My men don't steal from me, Palladino.

If you don't do as I say, I'm gonna rush you down the drain!

I'm getting a little too big to be flushed down no drain.

You'll get as big as I allow.

Potato weed.

Fancy pants.

Haunted Spookray.

Galloping gahoolies. What in hell's going on?

You shouldn't sneak up on a man like that, Sheriff.

When I heard we had a new teacher, I never figured I knew.

I know I told you to make sure Babyface never stays in school, but I'd say this

is going a bit far.

Okay.

Where were we?

Any objections?

So, give me the answer straight.

Okay, let's make it easy.

Imagine this scenario.

This guy enters the bar, okay?

There's 15 guys from a rival outfit all mooching around, looking at him funny

like there's something going down, you know?

This is a well -connected guy, not someone to back down from a

So... A situation develops.

He knocks off 11 of them. They whack him. How many guys are left standing

the cops show up?

Yeah, you, big guy.

How come they wait around for the cops to show up?

I don't know.

These guys ain't so smart.

Now let me show you how I learned.

Boom.

Boom.

Whack. Whack.

Arch, lift up that card, show it to the class.

How much does this card worth?

Lift it up.

Arch, I know you know.

Ten.

Right. A king is worth 10. So 10 plus 1.

Thank you, Sheriff.

10 plus 1 equals 11.

Plus 4 equals 15.

Right. So how do we take away 11 from 15?

Take away the king and the ace, sir. Right.

Take away the king and the ace. And what does that leave us with? 4.

It's a cinch. See?

Were you the man in the bar, sir?

Are you really a low -down, dirty gangster, sir, like people say?

Were you teachers to shoot, sir?

My dad's first day in school.

for you, Greta?

Uh, no.

Listen, is it okay if I settle up at the end of the month?

Merv hasn't sent any money.

You break it, you buy it.

Yeah, that's fine, Greta. You just give it to me when you have it. Oh, thank

you, Ellen. You're an angel, Marissi.

See you soon.

Bye -bye.

She's got a relaxed way of doing business around here.

What do you want?

Want to steal some more candy?

Friendly, too.

How much you give me for this?

I need some fat cats.

Is that real?

Tell them all carrots and rabbits poop.

Is it yours?

Sure.

But I ain't got much use for it now.

And what does your wife think about that?

She's in show business.

We're hoping for a divorce.

I'll give you $20 for it, no more.

You give me $25 at the end of the week, or I sell it on.

What's your name?

Charlie. And yours?

My, that's a beautiful name, too.

Simple and understated.

Matches your personality to a T.

Only $17, lady.

I took out the $3 you owe me for the jar.

It's been a real pleasure doing business with you.

Hey.

It's Charlie.

Just wanted you to know I'm working on getting you the money.

Might take about a week, but I'll get it.

I got a job here as my disguise.

Where is here, Charlie? Where are you? Give me some time, Benny, please.

I'll get you the money. Don't use that word. Somebody might be listening.

I know you got, you know what.

Don't lie to me, Charlie, because I'll find you.

I'm not lying to you, boss.

I'm going to steal back the money.

I don't know how many times I told that kid not to mention you -know -what on

the phone.

Hello, operator.

Hello, operator, yeah.

You just put a call through here.

Can you tell me where it came from?

I'm sorry, sir, I can't do that.

Oh, I think you can tell me. Do you know who I am? Oh, sorry, sir. You do?

Uh -huh. The call was made from Cheerful. Perfect.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Now, you listen to me real good.

I want you to send you know who, you know what, down to his bank, you know

where. All of it.

If I can't put him in jail, maybe I can put him out of business.

But he can't suspect me. You get it?

All right.

Tell him you have it for safekeeping in case there's a war here.

Do this, and I'll get you a legit job in the treasury.

Mess it up, and I'll make sure you go down with McRae.

That's good, Chief. That's good, yeah.

Let him go.

Not even funny.

Not only am I made to go to school, I have to live here, too.

Can't we go to a hotel?

I really don't buy this out -of -sight, out -of -mind baloney.

What? Do as I say. It's more that baloney stuff.

Hi.

I thought I'd welcome you to our little community.

As I'm sure no one else has.

I'm Alabama.

I run the juice business in town.

I'm the new school teacher.

I guess that, honey.

Don't you have a name?

Sure, I know.

Charlie. Pleased to meet you.

Well, Charlie, pleased to meet you.

What say I come in and let you pop my call?

It's French, of course.

None of us baths how bubbly the people are drinking these days.

I have a taste for the exotic.

Mm. Mm. Loved you.

Mm.

This is quite a place you got here.

Yeah. I like what you've done, Sid.

Makes me feel young.

Tell me, Charlie.

Why do I feel like we've met before?

I don't know, but one of those familiar faces.

I think it's your eyes, Charlie.

They're kind of special.

Don't shoot my dad!

This is my son, Archie. Archie, say hello to Miss Alabama.

Save it for another time, kid.

I only brought enough for two.

Three's quite my style.

I'll see you around.

Good luck, sweetie.

What are you doing here at this time of night?

My mom sent over some...

and Papa Archie, but he said you mustn't have any.

He doesn't know I brought you my history homework, sir.

I think I've captured all the relevant points in Capone's career.

Yeah, well, I'm sure you have. Goodness, wait till tomorrow.

I won't be in school tomorrow, sir, on account of my mother refusing to let her

precious daughter be taught by a back -alley hoodlum, sir.

Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry your mom feels that way.

Me too.

Still, it's a grown -up thing.

Yeah.

I forgot.

Would you tell Archie I said hello?

You can tell Michelle.

Costing me a fortune!

Are you still there, Mama, baby?

Yes, I am, unfortunately.

Why did I ever agree to come down here?

Oh, baby.

Jimsy Wimsy needs someone down there he can trust.

Someone he knows loves him.

The accountant don't love me, baby, which ain't a bad thing, because he

type.

You won't be able to afford me much longer if people keep trying to rob you.

Eh?

Some guy walks in here today and demands ten grand.

Pretty specific, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, I'd say.

Pretty specific.

Cheer up, Arch. I heard one of the older boys say they got a photograph of a

real... a nude lady.

With no clothes on and all.

Really? How'd they get that?

Alright, here it goes.

Do another one for me.

Here, use up all the film.

Well, we'll just have to share.

One of them's gotta be a winner.

ask you to wait no i i need to speak to alabama right now i'm free right here

busy right now what can i do for you dear need a loan to brighten up your

wardrobe we've let you bully us about the loan repayments and we've let you

bully us into closing our eyes to your bootlegging listen lady if you think

we're gonna allow you to bully us into hiring some hoodlum employees to teach

our children i mean you got a fight on your hand oh i admire you very dear

Even if you are howling at the wrong moon This new teacher has got nothing to

with us.

I thought you people had hired him You think that we would hire someone like

that? I guess not That would be far too exciting for a very ordinary little town

Still I wish he did have something to do with us.

He's kind of good -looking wouldn't you say?

But then if you think he's cute, maybe I should reconsider.

Reconsider what?

And if you didn't hire him, then who is he?

I don't know, honey.

But I could use a man with you.

Quality.

Go on, Jimmy.

Your turn.

I spy with my little eye something beginning with, um... Snake!

Darn! I'm dumber than a chocolate teapot. You ain't dumb, Jim. You're

smart in other areas.

What other areas do you think?

Try Florida.

Hmm.

All right, you two, outside!

Please ignore him, children. Ah, there you are. Just in time for the next

lesson. I need a third volunteer to join Big Man and Archie. I'll do it, Mr.

Hudson.

Virginia!

Thanks, Virginia.

So, class, imagine Virginia is the sun, center of our world.

Arch, Arch, you can be the earth. You revolve around Virginia.

Everybody inside.

No longer your teacher.

And Jimmy Muldoon, you're the moon. You travel in Archie's orbit.

I want a mate of cheese, sir.

Of course. Everybody knows small boys are made out of cheese.

So, Virginia, you stay still. Arch, you run around Virginia.

Off you go.

Good.

So that's how the Earth revolves around the sun once every year. Jimmy, you run

around Archie. You're the moon's orbit of the Earth.

It's sort of like that.

Everybody, let's go inside and draw what we've just learned.

About different worlds colliding.

I think Jimmy's going to wet himself, Dad.

Jimmy, do you have somewhere you need to go?

Yes, Ma 'am.

I'm taking over.

Big man, I need your help getting my job back. Are you in?

Yeah.

Miss, miss, you almost got me, miss. Calm down, Jim. What's wrong?

Mr.

Choi saved my life, miss. He was attacking me.

This thing, children, is the coral snake.

It spends most of its life underground.

Sort of the boss of the reptile underworld.

Well, then why don't you take it back there now?

You don't want to mess with this fella.

It's well connected in the Cobra family.

He's a deadly, deadly hitman. One bite and your mother's buying a black hat.

Can we keep him?

Absolutely not.

What does he eat, sir?

Other snakes mostly.

Some small lizards and rodents maybe.

Jake thinks he eats little things all the time.

We've put the snake in the school's pet mouse.

Children, we've learned a very important lesson here today.

You do not put a cold -blooded, venomous predator in the same room as innocent

little creatures, do we?

But if we're lucky, kids, maybe the snake will shed his old skin.

He can shed as many skins as he likes. He will always be.

Snake.

Can I see you outside, please, Mr. Elroy?

Open your books and read from the beginning.

Am I in trouble, miss?

This is no laughing matter.

I know you're not a teacher, Mr. Elroy.

I may not have the right qualifications, but... You are a bully and a fraud.

So I am qualified.

No, you're fired.

You're not even fired because you didn't work here in the first place.

What are you doing here anyway?

I'm only trying to make some money, Alan.

I'm not with them. I'm just broke like everybody else.

I need this job.

Come on, Ellen, give me a chance.

I only taught the kids what they wanted to know. What they want to know and what

they should know are two different things.

How could I give you a chance?

You may not be a common hoodlum, but your sense of right and wrong declares a

dust storm.

Your choice of female color leaves something to be desired.

I take it you'll be moving on.

That depends.

On what?

And whether I tell you what you really want to know or what you think you

know.

I know I have a class to teach.

No, it ain't, smart boy.

You've been pulling the wool over our eyes.

We know that you ain't no teacher.

It's always wondering why on earth you're still here.

If I see you here again and you're still in town, I'm going to dig you a grave

myself and dance on it till my feet are sore.

Who can give me an example of an invertebrate?

Yes, Jimmy.

My father, miss.

Are you sure?

Think about it.

Yes, miss. I'm sure, miss.

My mama says he ain't providing for the family like what a real man should.

So he ain't got no backbone, miss.

Okay, boys, take a break and get some coffee. Back in five.

Cousin, we've probably got to shoot some of these people.

Come on.

Let's get out of here before the war starts. No time, cousin. Too late.

I ain't going back to jail, Arnold.

I know, Dwayne.

Calm, cousin.

I need my privacy.

I know, Dwayne. I know.

Looks like your boy's flooded the engine. Get out of here, mister, or I'll

you down like a duck.

He means dog, not duck.

Ain't no one asking you to be a hero.

Got the points you make it, fellas.

You tell them to back off or my cousin and me is going to start blasting away.

These people worked hard for that money you got there. And I bet you none of

them got insurance.

They're hardly going to strike up the bandages the way we could buy now, are

they? So either you do something stupid and get filled with a bunch of holes, or

you do what I say, no one gets hurt.

Then he goes to jail.

You seem like intelligent men, so give me the money. I'll make sure you get out

of here alive.

What's going on over there, Charlie?

It's okay, Sheriff. Let him go.

I got the money.

Are you sure?

Trust me.

What's to say we're going to get hit?

I bet that Sheriff don't shoot too straight.

Chances are, Dwayne and me is going to get out of here without no holding on.

And there's always a chance you won't.

You willing to take it?

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we let fate decide?

I get the card you pick.

You give me the money, get out of town alive.

I guess it wrong, you take your chances.

13 to 1 in your favor.

Well, that sounds fair, Arnold.

Seven. Your lucky number.

Well, how'd you do there?

You fellas promised me you'll be good. Now have a nice day.

I'll take those.

Now, if I were you, I'd get out of town, too.

There are people looking for you, and you know what these small towns are

People just don't seem to keep you a secret.

My dad wouldn't have been the town hero if the engine hadn't flooded.

And the town would have been a lot poorer, too.

But I guess that woke my dad up to a few things. He realized that his actions

affect everyone else around him and made it kind of hard to stick around.

She scared me to death.

That's your stand at Jimmy's.

I'll teach you for the best.

Right there, I'm just going to make a whole mess of things. And everywhere I

the mess is going to follow.

I'll understand that one day.

I'm doing it for your own good. You're settling in here. You're doing well.

Made some friends.

It must be my magnetic personality.

Should have known the cowboys always win.

So my dad was sticking around to fulfill his responsibilities.

And first up was chaperone duty.

I told him that it was theme night and the whole town was dressing up for the

traveling cowboy movie.

I even arranged the best seats in the house.

I think we can set up.

Chaperones, right?

Right.

At least I'm not

the only one dressed for the occasion.

Don't even think about it.

Bright boy.

Yeah.

Bright for me sometimes.

Ellen, there's something I need to tell you. No.

I need to apologize for jumping to conclusions about you.

I should have given you the benefit of the doubt.

You were saying to me about the snake. You were trying to tell me that you

changed. It's no big deal. I was just trying to teach a kid something.

Besides, I had a few lessons of my own to learn first.

And I have changed, Ellen.

It might have seemed harsh, Charlie, but I can't respect lawbreakers.

Oh, that's okay.

I'm not apologizing for it.

Nobody should.

You see, my husband... You married?

What? For three years?

You see, my husband robbed gas stations to pay off his debts.

And I didn't find out until one day he ran out of a gas station and into a

train.

All they found was one gold tooth.

Which is all he left me.

And it just broke my heart, Charlie.

Not because I loved him, or because we were poor, but because I had no choice

but to turn myself into a cold stone.

I had to think about Virginia and stop thinking about Ellen.

And you showed up.

And I started to think about Ellen again.

And it just doesn't feel right.

Charlie, I can see you hiding.

I see your feathers.

Now quit fooling around. I got business with you.

Hello, Benny.

I gotta tell you, your timing is impeccable.

Peach of a disguise, you stand out a mile.

Now get in here!

Charlie, pay attention.

You've got no time for that now.

Benny, I give up.

I don't have your money. I can't get your money. I quit. Just do what you've

to do and let me get on with my life. Charlie, don't be so dramatic. If I was

going to hurt you, you'd be hurt already.

That ain't no invitation to quit, though. You still owe me.

Benny, please, let me get a job. Let me pay you off. I ain't no money lender,

Charlie. I ain't no bank.

Man, it brings me to our business here. Jim McCrae's.

Holding all of his cash here at the bank in Tierford.

I mean everything I had it arranged.

So, we hit the bank, and he's broke.

I'm not used to you, Benny. I'm a lousy bank robber, believe me. But I'd like to

wish you all the luck. Yeah, they know your face in this town. See, if we was

go to the bank, we wouldn't get within 20 yards of those goons at the door.

be a mess.

But with you leading us in, we go in, we go out, nobody knows we were safe.

If I refuse?

Well, this means a lot to me, Charlie. I mean, if you refuse, I'd say your

future ain't very bright.

Why are you leaving?

Cutting out the money, honey.

Just to make sure it's all here.

I think you should keep these safe, too.

It is.

It is your fault I said they're safe.

I'm cheerful.

Name?

Smith.

Billy D.

You pass, Brian.

Well, I hope your date went better than mine.

Dad. Dad.

There's something I've been hiding from you.

It's from the Irish club.

Fell off a table under my suitcase.

Get out of here! I spent a few dollars printing out my photographs.

And a little bit on candy.

Why didn't you tell me about this?

You say.

As soon as you got the money, I wouldn't feel for duct.

Well, I say a lot of things, okay?

Arch, this is going to get us off the hook.

It won't be long.

Stay here.

Trust me.

This time I had to trust him.

My camera!

Speak to you now.

Tell me what's going on.

I owe money to Benny Palladino.

It's a long story, but the only way I can get out of robbing your bank here

tomorrow is if I pay him off the money I owe.

And here it is.

Believe me, Ellen, I'm out.

Big again, Charlie.

But before you think about putting up a fight, it's only fair I tell you.

My man Earl has taken your boy hostage.

You lay a finger on my son, McCrae, I swear I'll tear you apart.

What a thank you for looking after me money, Charlie.

You done me a big favor.

No, really.

You see, when me trusted accountant persuaded me to send all me money and me

accountant books down here for safekeeping, I got kind of suspicious.

What with yourself in town and all.

Oh, yeah.

Tongues have been wagging.

So...

I figure you and Benny Palladino had a plan, but you didn't figure on me

figuring it out, which is why I figure you're so surprised to see me.

Congratulations, McRae. You should have been a detective.

What say we go over to the saloon, we have a couple of drinks, we celebrate,

you can bring my son along.

Stay calm, Boyle.

No need to be hated.

I'll celebrate tomorrow when you and Benny walk out of me bank with my money.

Maybe you should go on over there tonight, celebrate.

I don't think you'll have much time tomorrow.

Let's keep this between these four walls.

I'd hate to spoil the surprise.

Your son would be so disappointed.

It's only some party.

Lock the door behind me.

You can get out all you like, but... Let go of me!

Thanks, little Jim.

Can't stay away, huh?

I got something I want to show you.

Now, honey, you're talking my kind of business.

Remember, boys, you pull this off, and I'll make you one.

But what happens if we get caught in this, Alabama?

Caught for what?

Stealing newspaper?

Caught with my pants down.

Mm -hmm.

What do you want?

I hope you ain't been telling anybody any bedtime stories, Charlie boy.

Just checking things out for tomorrow.

I'd like you to sleep with us tonight.

I don't want you sleepwalking and mumbling about the place.

Virginia, I want you to help me get all the women in the town together. We'll

meet here and tell them to bring their men folks clothes.

Anyone see my dad?

Archie!

Archie!

Gee, Charlie, you look like a million dollars, all green and crinkly. Well, I

ain't slept a wink all night.

Can I get a juice?

Scotch, Irish, Canadian?

Apple. Hell, Charlie, what you trying to do? Put this town out of business? I

can't remember the last time anyone had some of Big Lucy's juice.

You fellas want some breakfast? It's on your bill.

Thank you for your honesty, lady, but we can't stop for breakfast. Gotta get it

going.

You can take it off the bill, though.

Ready?

Morning, fellas.

Meet my father and my brother.

They're in town visiting, so I'm showing them the site.

Turn it over.

It's only money.

Don't get hurt.

But we don't have any money here, sir. It's all gone. It just disappeared into

the cosmos.

Cosmos, my butt. Open up.

I'll show you why they call me the bomb. I'm telling the truth, Benny. There's

no money here. All right, a bit misguided about the cosmos, but I figure

clutching a chalk. Don't cross me, Charlie.

I got a short fuse today.

All right.

Everybody down.

Don't be a mess.

Enough for quiet in there.

All right, you know we're in here now. We've got to be quick.

What's going on in there?

I told Alabama to make it easy for him.

Ah!

All right, I give up.

Where is it?

It's probably halfway to Mexico by now.

Why do you always got to mess everything up? Don't worry, Benny. McRae won't see

any of that, though. He's broke.

You can give him the good news in person.

He's waiting for us outside.

What?

You yanking my change, honey?

Did you find the boy?

It's like they're turning tables on us.

Well, let's see if we turn them back over again.

Good afternoon.

Let him know we're here.

Save your bullets!

Save your bullets, lads!

I'm going to sort this mess out.

Benny Paladino don't surrender to nobody, especially that apple -polishing

Wait, not yet.

Put your gun down, fellas.

It's all over.

That's what you might think, but my gun says different.

What is gone, McCray?

Release my son and justice will be merciful, I guarantee you that.

What's he playing at? I thought you said the boy is skimmed.

Come on out, Betty!

The game is up!

We can discuss the terms of your retirement.

You have another part to the picture, McRae.

Your money and your girlfriend.

I got ten grand that says if you find one, you find the other.

If you don't believe me, come take a look.

I told you, my people don't steal from me, Palladino.

It's true, McCrae.

She set up a bank robbery as a decoy.

But I messed up her plans.

We made a deal last night.

My Alabama wouldn't do that.

Would you, sweet pea?

I'm keeping your books in a safe place.

But I'll turn them straight to the tax man if you don't do as I say.

He's going to be very interested in your undeclared earnings.

All right, all right, all right.

Look, I tell you what.

Tell me where the books are, and when I have them in my hand, then I'll give you

the boy.

I'm the one making the deals here, McCray. Show me my son first.

Paint me in a very tight corner here.

There's only one way to get out of this.

Let him have it, boys!

Who the dizzy heck is shooting at who?

He's off on M -triggers, boys.

Hey!

Back off, you might get hurt, you senile old half -wit.

You hold your tongue there, boy.

I had me enough of your monkey shines and shenanigans.

I fixed up a posse. Got you all surrounded.

All right.

I forgot. The police force in this town's invisible.

Yeah.

There's got to be hundreds of them.

Maybe even Tozens.

What you hollering about, you great googly moogly?

Don't believe me, huh?

Who are these guys?

Who cares? They give you the books, you're off the hook.

Hey, that guy's wearing my hat.

Hey,

that's my hat.

Nobody wears my hat. Your hat needs fumigating.

And your suit mouth, too.

I'm at a guess this has something to do with you.

Has the game set and matched to me, McCrae?

Yeah, well, you fought dirty, Palladino.

I did what I got to do.

I'm on the doorstep of public office.

I'm going to make history happen.

And you, McCrae, are already part of it.

I'll bounce back.

I got the books.

The only bouncing you're going to be doing is around the walls of your jails.

All right, boys.

Move out.

I hope you haven't come to buy a wedding ring back. I sold it.

No.

Just came to get some rope here.

It's the one thing that keeps Archie quiet.

On long journeys.

I found these at the school.

You a gambling man?

I was.

Well, what do you say you pick a card?

Higher than a six, you leave.

You get a six or lower, you stick around.

Is it then, my dad?

Sorry, son.

We've got to stick around here a while.

Rachel!

Now, if I'm ever found guilty of being a good son, I'd hold up my hands

and I'd blame it all on my dad.

Thank you.