Original subtitles

Hey, Mrs. B. Wow.

You look great.

Oh, do I?

Yeah. What's the occasion?

Well, the occasion

was your makeup and hair test for the wedding.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I... I don't know how I missed it.

Mm.

Hey, Mama.

Whoa, you look amazing.

Yeah, what's the occasion?

I didn't miss our anniversary, did I?

I missed the hair and makeup test.

I texted you about it twice.

Oh, uh, Mama, you texted

the "Butler Fam" group. Courtney's not in that one.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I see it here,

I see the "Butler Boys" on here, is that not a...

No, Butler Boys is just us.

Okay, so which group has the-the little Yoda driving a car?

Oh, that's the "Daphne Drivers" group.

That's where we talk about

pickup and drop-offs for daycare.

Oh, and for the record,

it's Grogu on a landspeeder, but yes.

Change that.

Yeah.

Okay, the makeup test may have been my oversight,

but I am very busy, okay?

I've got the florist, the rentals,

the caterers.

I mean, if we take our eyes off the ball,

we're gonna be standing around the reception

eating Gravy Jack's.

I ain't be mad at that.

Them jacked fries be fire, boy.

Marty, come on,

get your head in the game, man.

Be better.

♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

That flight was a nightmare.

Because one passenger is allergic,

nobody gets peanuts?

Mom, it seems like a small sacrifice to save a life.

Snowflakes.

Oh, look.

It's your buddy Calvin.

Well, well, Paula.

- Welcome back. - Thank you.

How was your flight?

Doesn't anybody dress up

to get on an airplane anymore?

I mean, the girl sitting next to me,

she was wearing pajamas.

Nothing's sacred.

But the flight was surprisingly smooth.

I was a little worried when I saw that we had a DEI pilot.

Oh, I bet you were.

- Yeah. - Dave, get your mama.

I-- M-Mom, Mom,

you really shouldn't say things like that.

What? I said it was smooth.

I mean, are compliments illegal now?

Hey, Paula. How was your--

- Don't. Don't ask. - No, don't ask.

I better call Chip and tell him I landed safely.

I'm sure he's been worried sick

since I told him about the lady pilot.

Oh, okay.

So she just don't like nobody.

Chip is her new boyfriend.

- Oh. - He owns a chain

of car dealerships back home.

It's all she talked about on the way here.

"Chip was the Phantom of the Opera

"at the Great Lakes Supper Club.

And Chip has the hips of a salsa dancer."

He doesn't sound so bad.

"Chip is a very generous lover.

He does things your father would never--"

Okay. Okay, that's enough.

Oh, I couldn't possibly

take another bite of cake.

I cannot believe

y'all are complaining about having to taste cake.

Uh, excuse me,

but who told your mother

that you didn't need her help with the tablecloths?

I was just trying to take something off her plate.

See, that's just it.

She doesn't want things off her plate.

She wants everything on her plate.

She lives for this.

Yeah, but she's been so stressed out,

running all over town. We don't want our wedding to kill her.

Okay, okay.

I see what's going on here. You think this is

your wedding.

No, no, no, no. This is her wedding.

Yeah, she told me that.

Yeah, you know, and if we survive this,

we're still not out the woods.

Because two weeks later,

it's Malcolm's wedding,

which is actually...

- Mama's wedding. - Mama's wedding. - Your mama's wedding.

And don't forget it.

I mean, the slightest thing could set her off.

You know what I call her when she gets like this?

- TN-Tina. - TN-Tina.

Ba-boom.

Ouch.

Does she know you all call her that?

Oh, hell no.

You're not gonna flip on us, are you?

Never.

Listen, y'all let me handle this.

I am the only one...

- Oh, uh... - ...that knows how to deal

with her when she gets like this.

So for the next month,

everything runs through me.

Are we clear?

- Crystal clear. Yeah. - Roger that.

We're here!

Oh, hey, Mama.

- Hey, Daphne. Oh, hi! - Hi, baby.

Mrs. B, thank you so much

for doing the afternoon pickups,

and all the wedding errands.

Is there anything you can't do?

- Oh, stop it! - There you go.

There it is.

Oh, man,

I just love going to daycare.

But that little Connor,

he's a piece of work, though.

Really?

He's usually so sweet.

Well, Tina says he's not sweet,

so, you know, drop it.

You know, I caught him pulling Daphne's hair.

- Mm-mm. - Oh, no.

Did you talk to Ms. Doris?

Ms. Doris?

I talked to Connor.

Mama, he's two.

We usually let the teachers handle this kind of stuff.

Well, that little boy needed to be told,

"Hey, hey, hey! You do not pull hair."

Jeopardy's supposed to be on channel four,

but-but no, here it's on seven.

Did your crazy governor do that?

Yes, Mom. It's all part of his radical agenda.

I knew it.

What's with the lamp?

It's a Himalayan rock salt lamp.

Some doctors believe

it helps with stress relief, fat burning, improved sleep.

Sounds like a load of crap.

I agree, but, you know,

the telehealth company I work for

wants me to encourage my therapy clients to buy them.

So you're selling lamps now?

Let me talk to Chip.

I mean, his business is going crazy.

I'm sure he could find a job for you.

Mom, wouldn't that job be in Michigan?

Well, I didn't say there wouldn't be adjustments.

Please. Mom, we moved here

for a reason.

To hurt me.

No.

Gemma got a very impressive job here.

Oh, yeah.

But she was telling me that she's over it.

Right, Gemma?

I-I didn't say "over it."

No, I don't blame you.

Who wants to work for some fancy private school

where everyone gets a gold star?

Even the slow kids.

Whoa.

Definitely didn't say "slow kids."

Mom, please, I know that you love Michigan,

but our lives are here.

Plus, Grover just started a new high school.

Oh, yeah, where he's covering himself with tattoos.

One tattoo, Mom.

Well, in Kalamazoo, kids don't get tattoos.

Because they're not in gangs.

Grover is not in a gang.

We can't even get him to join a club.

Well, I'm just glad you're all so happy here.

I mean,

if you're choosing to pay these California taxes,

it must be worth it.

It is worth it.

We have beautiful beaches.

Yeah. We never go to them,

but we could.

Daphne's finally down, and we are never giving her cake again.

Marty, we've got problems.

Look at your phone.

Connor's mom is in the parents group chat

complaining that your mom overstepped

and disciplined her child.

Yeah, well, her child pulled Daphne's hair.

A-ha! Wha--

Hey, man, where did all the cake go?

Uh-oh. It's Doris.

What, the daycare director?

- Decline. Just decline. - Yeah, don't answer it.

- Courtney, you can decline it. - Don't answer! Courtney!

Hello? Hi!

Ms. Doris.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Sure.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh, I understand.

Thank you.

Well, that was a lot of "uh-huhs."

Your mom...

- Uh-huh? - Uh-huh?

...has been banned from daycare.

Oh, damn.

What are we gonna do?

We can't tell her, it'll destroy her.

We have to tell her something.

Oh, no, we don't. Listen,

you heard Pop.

When she gets stressed out like this,

everything goes through him.

- Yes. Yes. - Yes. Yes.

Okay, uh,

"Daddy, we have a problem."

Why does everything in this town have to be vegan?

It doesn't.

And froyo

isn't vegan.

I-I just want to know

who canceled ice cream.

Calvin!

Come here.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

Why does this keep happening?

Everybody in L.A. thinks my name is Karen.

You know, because you be "carin' so much."

That is definitely the reason.

Oh, goodness.

- Uh-oh. - What?

I got a text from Marty.

Says Tina's been banned from daycare.

What? Why?

This is all I have right there.

Oh, my God.

She's gonna be so upset.

Not on my watch.

Let me text the boys back in the group text

and just let them know, "stay out of this."

"I will keep TN-Tina from blowing her top."

Did you hear that?

Oh, that is so the perfect nickname.

Isn't that right? Ba-boom!

Okay, good. Dad says he's handling it.

Oh, damn.

Pop sent the text to the "Butler Fam" chat.

Your mom is in that one.

We are all gonna die!

Daddy, what have you done?

What are you talking about?

That text.

About TN-Tina blowing her top?

You sent it to the group with Mama in it.

No, I didn't.

- Yes, you did. - Yes, you did.

Look, look...

We are in this one. You want the one she's not in.

Oh, damn, I did.

You did.

Look, it is a group chat.

You check and double-check,

and if all else fails, you unsend.

But it's too late now.

The die has been cast.

Hey, Marty, Marty!

Get ahold of yourself.

All right, look,

I'll just say that

you didn't like the cake that your mama picked out,

and that you want coconut,

and you thought she would be mad.

So, that's it. Say it with me. Coconut.

- Coconut. - Coconut.

- Coconut. - Coconut. That's it.

How do you explain calling her "TN-Tina"?

Okay, you know what?

I'll just say that she's hot like a firecracker.

- Oh, oh. - Huh?

- Yeah, man. That is... - Come on.

- It just came from nowhere. - From nowhere.

I landed the plane with that one.

You see me?

She gonna love that. She gonna love it.

And she is not here screaming at us,

so maybe she hasn't seen it yet.

- That's a good point. - Yeah.

We still got time to smash her phone.

Oh, Chip.

No,

Tom Selleck hasn't stolen me away from you yet.

He's so funny.

Okay, good night, honey.

No.

No, I can't.

They're right here.

Oh.

Yeah, we're right here, Chip!

- Bye. - So, how's Chip?

Besides horny?

He's fine. Oh, and guess what?

He has a job for you.

Mom, I told you,

I don't want to sell cars.

Your passion is selling lamps?

They're making you sell lamps now?

Oh, honey.

Okay.

And the job wouldn't even be in sales.

Mom, I told you, I don't want the job.

Because you'd be a nepo baby?

Nobody has to know he's rocking your mommy's world.

Oh, my God.

That wasn't the issue,

although now, it will haunt me forever.

Mom,

for the hundredth time,

we live in Los Angeles.

All right.

I get it.

I had to try.

And you know I only do this

because I love you and I miss you,

and I just wish you weren't so far away.

That's actually sweet.

Rocking her world?

Okay.

Looks like the coast is clear.

Her phone's right there.

Okay, what's her password?

Don't worry about that.

Everybody, just clear... watch out for shrapnel.

- No, Daddy, you don't have to-- - Oh, no, no!

- Hey! - Hey!

What's up? How y'all doing?

Good, we good. How you doing?

That's the real question.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

That's-- Where did my phone go?

- That's what I'm looking for... - You know, I don't know.

You know, how about we go to the store

and get you a new one.

Yeah, yeah. That's good.

You know, I hear the cameras are so much better now.

Oh. Okay, fine, but before we go,

a quick question.

Who's "TN-Tina"?

- Damn it! This is bad. - I should've run.

So, who is TN-Tina?

Yeah, that's the question.

- That is the question. - That's the question right there.

You know, TN-Tina is you, babe.

- Mm. - 'Cause you hot like a firecracker.

You like that, don't you?

I do not.

That's all I got.

Daddy, come on, what happened

to flying the plane?

You were flying the plane.

Wait. Wait a minute. Why are you so worried

I'm gonna blow my top?

It's-it's about the cake.

We have decided we want coconut.

- Coconut. - Oh.

Okay, that makes sense, 'cause you're allergic,

so you want your whole chest

to break out in a big itchy rash

on your wedding day.

Daddy made us lie!

Uh-huh. I knew it.

He don't know!

It's not my fault that y'all

sent our grandbaby to a little punk-ass preschool.

Wait, wait a minute.

What are y'all talking about?

Ma, it's... it's about that little boy that you yelled at.

I did not yell at that little boy.

When do I yell at kids?!

Regardless, Doris has...

Go on.

...banned you from daycare.

Banned?

Mm-mm.

Oh. I see.

Well, I would love to tell Doris

my side of the story, so

I'll stop by and say hi.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Now, now, do not worry about me, okay?

I'll just have a quick chat with Doris

and maybe take away something she loves.

- No, Mama. - Oh, no, she's gonna blow! She's gonna blow!

Get the keys! Somebody get the keys!

- Move out of my way! - Mama...

Hey, how was dropping your mom off at the airport?

Well, she very helpfully alerted security

to three possible terrorists at the bag drop.

O for three, by the way.

Well, now she's Chip's problem.

I gotta say, he's kind of good for her.

Yeah, she did seem happy.

It's just so insulting that she would think that I would

drop everything and go work for the great and powerful Chip.

Oh, I'm the Phantom. I sell cars.

Although I checked out his website,

it's actually pretty impressive.

Yeah, I looked at it.

Seems snazzy enough.

Somebody's texting me from Kalamazoo.

It's Chip.

"Hey, sport."

You're not my dad, Chip.

It's okay, Dave.

"Just wanted to give you a few deets on the job."

Not fooling anyone with the "deets," grandpa.

Huh.

"VP of Human Resources"?

Isn't that kind of good?

I mean, it is.

In a different world, that would be right up my alley, but

it's in Kalamazoo and we live in L.A.

Yeah, we do.

We could go to the beach right now.

You want to go right now?

I don't know. Traffic.

Look, babe, I'm sorry

that you're having to deal with all of this.

I mean,

you got enough on your plate

with the wedding coming up in two weeks,

and all these super-sensitive parents

snitching you out basically over nothing.

I'm not mad at them, Calvin. I'm mad at you.

Me?

Yes.

After all our years we've been together,

I don't want you thinking that you have to manage me.

I was just trying to protect your feelings.

Why, 'cause you didn't want TN-Tina to go off?

I didn't make up that nickname.

Well, who did?

Okay, I did.

But it was actually kind of funny

before you found out about it.

Calvin, you're always saying

people should talk things out, be more direct.

Maybe you could show me the same respect,

instead of going around, texting behind my back.

Okay.

I mean, you're right. My bad.

But, just for the record,

I'm not the only one in this marriage

who isn't always direct.

What are you talking about?

My favorite Adidas tracksuit?

The one I accidentally spilled bleach on?

I mean, come on. It was older than Malcolm.

You insisted on going out in it.

You wore the "A" off. It just said "didas."

Well, you don't need the words

if you got the stripes. The people know.

Okay, fine.

I could have been more direct, just like you could have been.

- And I will be. - Thank you.

Come here, girl. Come on.

I mean,

you really didn't like

when I said you were hot like a firecracker?

I kind of liked it.

In that case,

it's about to be the Fourth of July up in here, girl.

Well, all right!

I don't know, it could be therapeutic for you, Jerry.

The heat of the lightbulb

releases the negative ions

in the Himalayan salt.

Will this help me with my online shopping addiction?

No. Uh...

No, J-Jerry,

it's a lamp made out of salt.

It won't do anything for anybody.

Well, I guess I'll try it.

No-no, Jerry.

Stop buying garbage on the Internet,

and go see a real therapist,

which is what I used to be.

So, is the shipping free?

Goodbye, Jerry.

"Gemma...

I've been thinking."

Whoa.

No, no, no, no, no. Dave.

You put this in the group chat.

"Maybe going to Kalamazoo is not so crazy."

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