All language subtitles for S06E18 - With Help from Ulysses

[ theme music playing ]

Hi.

Well, did you ask him?

About what?

About what I asked you
to ask him about.

Come on, I'm serious.

Trampas, I did
the best I could,
I really did.

I told him about
how you were gonna look

at some horses for us
in Carrsburg anyway,

and seeing as how you knew
a little girl in the next town

that you kinda wanted
to see again,
it might be nice,

seeing as how you've been
doing such a good job
for us lately,

that--give you
a couple of extra days.

You know, it seemed
like a reasonable
enough request to me.

I never for a minute
thought he'd turn you down.

Well, that's the thanks I get
for all the extra work I do
around here.

I ask him one little favor.So he said sure, go ahead.

I even wrote a letter
and told her I was coming.

What'd you say?I said he said,
"Sure, go ahead.

[ laughing ]
My pal.

You walk in here
with a long face,
and you knew all along.

It's good for you--
make you appreciate it more.

And I want you to have
a very good time.

Afteryou check the stock.

Yo.

Jerky?Don't mind if I do.

So long, pard.See you.

Whoa, son.

[ dog barking ]

What's the matter, fella?

Oh, you own the stream, huh?

[ barking ]

I'm sorry.

Here, just leaving.

Whoa, son.

[ barking ]

All right, if--if you're
gonna put it that way.

Come on, Buck.

[ barking ]

Hello in there!

Hello, anybody home?

[ barking ]

Hello!

[ barking ]

MAN: Hello to yourself.

[ barking ]

[ laughs ]

Hi there.

I knew Ulysses would
bring somebody.

Hello.

You all alone here?

Don't push that.
I've got Ulysses.

Don't you want some, uh,
light in here?

Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks.

Been meaning
to do that myself.

Mister, I think
you need a doctor.For what?

How long you been
down like this?Who's down?

I'm just resting, mister,
that's all.

Just resting.
Ain't my time.

It's getting close,
but it ain't my time.

Comes the day it is,
that's when I'll need
a doctor.

All they're good for
is to sit there
and watch you die.

What's your name?Trampas.

Keller. Joe Keller.

Nice to meet you.

Pull up a chair,
sit down.

See...

I'm right glad you
stopped by, Trampas.

Well, your friend here
didn't give me much choice.

Easy, Ulysses.

Go on, get.
Easy, boy.

You wanna get down?

You wanna help him
down there, mister?

See, you can
do me a favor

and do yourself
one, too.

You know where
Springdale is?

As a matter of fact,
I'm headed there.All the better.

You can deliver
something for me.

And here.

I'm gonna give you
this nugget for your touble.

No need for that.

You take it, it's yours.

Now, all you gotta do
is find her...

and give her this.

Find who?

My niece.

Only kid I got
in the world.

What's your niece's name?

Uh, Margie...

Or is it Ellie?

Truth to tell,
my memory ain't
what it once was.

I ain't seen her
in five or six years.

And the last I heard,
she was working

in a saloon in Springdale.

Working in saloon
in Springdale

and her name
is Margie or Ellie.

Could be Jenny.

No, that was a gal
I knew in Dodge.

Josie, maybe?

Well, anyway,
her last name's Keller.

No. She's my sister's gal.

Oh. Well, uh, what's her name?

Her married name, I mean.
Your sister.

Well, now, I...
I ain't too sure on that.

See, she's been married
twice as I remember,

and I'm getting
a little hazy on names.

Maybe you guessed that
already.

Uh, what does
your niece look like?

Well, she...

Let me see,
she's, um...

Blonde, brunette, redhead?

I can't rightly remember
what color her hair was.

Well, is she tall, short?

You're asking
too many questions,

getting me all confused.

Well, I'm sorry,
but how do you expect me
to find somebody if I--

Nelly--
maybe that's her name.

Oh. Margie, Jenny,
Nelly, or Ellie.

Did I say Francie?

No, no, you didn't.

Could be Francie.

[ barks ]

[ laughs ]

Ulysses thinks it's Francie.

Look, Mr. Keller,
I'd sure like
to help you, but--

You gotta
find her, son.

You see, I know
it won't be long.

A man's a fool that's
getting near his time
and don't admit it.

But a fella's
gotta have some kin
to say goodbye to.

Yeah, I guess he does.

I got it, I got it.

You won't have no trouble
finding her now,
no trouble at all.

I won't.

Now I remember.
[ laughs ]

She's got a marking
on her left leg
just above the knee.

And it--
or is it her right knee?

Well, anyway,
she's got that mark.

Now it's kind of
a strawberry color,

about the size
of a nickel.

Now don't that help?

Well, I don't know.
I don't generally
go around--

You can do it, son.

Smart fella like you,
I know you can.

Anyways, you'll try,
won't you?

Please, tell me
you'll try?

All right, Joe,
I'll try.

Good.

Well, now, you better
get going right now.

Yeah, to go find, uh,
this what's-her-name.

Well, all right, Joe.

Oh, don't you think I better

stick around here
for a while till you get
to feeling a little bit better?

Best thing you can do
is find my niece.

All right.

Oh, say...

better take
Ulysses with you.

Ulysses? Oh, no. No.

He needs you
and you need him.
I couldn't do that.

I ain't giving him to you.

He'd be a big help to you
to find Susie.

Susie?He only saw her once
when he was a pup,

but Ulysses don't
forget nothing, ever.

That's all right, Joe,

I'll find your niece
without Ulysses.

What's more, he'll help you
find me when you get back

in case I'm off somewheres.

You know, I get
to feeling better,

I ain't just gonna be
lying around here.

Look, Mr. Keller, Joe, I--

Ulysses, here, boy.

Here, boy.

[ chuckles ]

Now listen, you go with him
like you was his dog.

I mean it.

You gotta help him.

You know, he will, too.

He's the greatest
one-man dog ever lived.

You hear me, boy?

You mind him
like you always did me.

[ barks ]

Oh, quit that.

Now go on. Go on!

Now get going,
the both of you.

All right, Joe, if that's
the way you really want it.

That's how I want it.

So long.

Come on, Ulysses.

Go on, boy.
Follow your master.

Go on!

All right, Ulysses,
let's go.

[ whistles ]

Now look, I know
you don't wanna leave.

And to tell you the truth,

I'm not crazy
about taking you.

But that's the way
the old man wants it,

so come on, let's go.
[ whistles ]

[ whining ]

Come on!
[ whistles ]

[ whistles ]

Now look, he wants you to go.
You heard him.

[ whistles ]
Come on!

Come on!

Oh, come on,
be reasonable, will you?

[ whistles ] Come on,
come on, come on,
let's go. Come on.

[ sighs ]

You sure don't make it easy.

Whoa, Buck.

All right.

I hate to do this.

Now let's try
and cooperate, huh?

[ whistles ]
Here we go!

[ whistles ]

Ohh...

Uh...

Ohh...

All right.

Now listen, you run up--
you run up there
ahead of me, huh?

Go on. Go on, yeah,
run up there.

Up--

Don't do that.

Look, uh,
you're supposed to mind me.

Now get. Come on! Go!

[ sighs ]
Gonna be stubborn, huh?

[ sighs ]
I guess you are.

All right.

All right.

Whoa, Buck.

All right, sit up there.

Well, now,
just for a little while.

Come on, son.

Howdy.Hey.

Say, could you tell me
where I could find a doctor?

You want a doctor
or a vet?

No, it's not for him.
He's just resting.

Right over there.
You'll see the sign.

Doc Naylor's.

Oh. Thanks.

You wait here.

Some dog you got
there, mister.

Yeah. Now you wait
there, Ulysses.

[ barks ]

Ulysses? What kind of a name
is that to give a dog?

I wouldn't know.
I didn't name him.

I got him from
an old prospector
on loan.

Yeah, he's
a real friendly fella.

Good afternoon.Afternoon.

You the doctor?That's right.

Well, my name's Trampas.
I just left a man
up in the hills

I think could
use a doctor.
The name's Joe Keller.

Come in,
tell me about it.Thanks.

You're some dog.

Come on, let's go.

What are you
looking at?

Gold dust.

Looks like that old prospector
found something.

So did we.

I've got some business
in town, then I'll be
heading to Springdale.

But I could draw you a map
how to get to his cabin.

It should take you
a couple hours, I guess.All right.

You got a piece
of paper?Right here.

Good.

Now, uh, you take
the river road

till you come
to the junction.

You follow the stream
until you get to this trail.

And you stick with that
for, oh, half a mile or so.

And right here
is his cabin.

Sounds simple enough.

I don't think Joe Keller
will thank you for coming,

but, well, I sure do
think he needs some help.

I'll take a ride out there
in the morning.Much obliged.

Come on, Ulysses.

[ barks ]

Now, Ulysses.
Now I'm gonna go--[ barks ]

[ whistles ]
All right.

Here you go.

Give me some room now.

I suppose the next time
you'll want the whole saddle.

[ whistles ]

[ horse whinnies ]

I'll be leaving for
Springdale in the morning
to spend a couple days,

then I'll be back Monday
to pick 'em up.

Maybe you could round up
a couple of hands

to help me drive 'em
to Shiloh--

$10 apiece for the trip.

I'll take care of it.Much obliged.

Come on, Ulysses,
let's find ourselves a room.

What'd you call him?

Uh, Ulysses.

What kind of a name
is that for a dog?

I'm beginning
to wonder myself.

You know, I'm getting
awful tired

of everybody asking me
what kind of name Ulysses is
for a dog.

From now on, you're gonna be
plain old Fred.

Hmm? Fred?

[ barks ]

Fred.

Come on, Fred.

Oh, that's all right.

You don't wanna stay
in that crummy hotel anyway.

Come on, let's go find
some people who like dogs.

Come on.

Well, how about it, mister?

Well, all right,
but it'll cost you a dollar.

And I don't want him
scaring the horses.

You don't have to
worry about Fred.

Now you listen to me, friend.

I'm gonna take you in there,
bed you down,

and I'm going to the saloon,
gonna have myself a drink.

Alone.

You got that?
Alone!

All right, come on, Fred.

Well, you're the opener.

$5.

It's up to you, mister.

I'm out.

You?I'm in.

Pass.

Hmm.

What do you think, Fred?

Yeah, I agree.

Your five,

and ten more.

Call.

I'm out.

King-high flush.

Deal the cards.

All right.

Uh, we'll play
a little whisky poker.

No draw,
dollar ante.

I'm in.I'm in.I'm in.

Here you go.You put in too much.

Oh, that's all right.
I'll get it back later.

Come on,
deal the cards.

All right, all right.

Yes, sir, Fred,
I think it's our night.

Cut.

First man bets.
In or out?

Well?

Why don't you keep him
where he belongs?

It's all right, Fred.

$10.

I'm in.

I'm out.

I'm out.

Yeah.

Your ten, and ten more.

That ten...

and ten more.

It's too rich for me.

We'll call.

There you go.

Full house,
aces over 5's.

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Four little 4's.

Four...

He saw my hand!Huh?

I said he saw my hand!

Mister, are you accusing
my dog of cheating?

Well, you all saw him.
He wagged his tail.

Dogs always wag their tail.

Not at a poker table.

How do you know?
You ever seen a dog
at a poker table before?

[ laughter ]

Well, all I know is
you asked him

and he wagged his tail twice,
and each time you won.

Mister, now I'd
hate to admit

that a dog's a better
poker player than I was.

I didn't say that.
But it's not right for no dog

to sit in on a poker game.

Aw.

You hear that, Fred?
We're not welcome.

Well, I guess we better
call it a night.

Oh, wait a minute.

You're way ahead.
You can't quit.

Thanks for the game,
gentlemen.

Good night.
Say good night, Fred.

[ barks ]

All right, Fred,
let's go.

Thank you.

Come on, Fred.

[ barks ]

Aw, let's play cards.

Mark,
put your money in.

They're there, all right.

Asleep?Yeah.

You got it?

You sure this will work?It'll work.

We get that dog,
take him up to the area--

he'll lead us
right to the old man.

No, there ain't
no sign of him.

He must've run off.

Yeah. Well, I guess
he just got homesick.

Funny thing is,

I was getting used
to having him around.

So long.So long.

The way he's running,
we must be close.

Go on, boy, go on!

This must be it.

I told you
he'd lead us there.

So he'll lead us
right to the old man, will he?

All right, all right,
it was worth a try.

What now?

I'll stick with the cowboy.

You go back to town,
keep an eye on the doc.

[ Ulysses barking ]

Well, what happened to you?

[ barks ]

So, you wanna come along
after all, huh?

[ barks ]

Lucky me.

All right, let's go, Fred.

All right.

I get the message.

Get up on your seat.

Give me some room
to get on.

Wait till you see them.
They're simply ravishing.

"They"? I thought you were
only gonna buy one dress.

Well, I was,
till I saw
the other ones.

Besides, Trampas is
going to be here
for two days.

Oh. And of course
you need a new dress

for each day
of his visit.Naturally.

Lucky he's not
staying a month.

There he is!Who?

Who? Where?He just turned the corner.

He's probably on his way
to our house.

Let's catch him, come on.

Giddyup. Hah!

Come on, Fred.

Might as well get this
over with first.

You suppose he thinks
we live there?

He's had a long ride.
He's probably thirsty.

So am I.

Giddyup.

[ whimpering ]

Hi there, fella.

Excuse me, miss,
but I'm looking for a girl.

What's he, your scout?

Well, sit down.
I'm a girl.

Well, uh, I'm looking
for a particular girl.

What makes you think
I ain't particular?

I mean a certain girl.Like who?

Well, that's just it.
I-I'm not sure
what her name is.

It could be Margie,
Jenny, Susie, or--
or Francie.

Are you looking for a girl
or a harem?

[ laughs ]

It does sort of sound
like that, doesn't it?

Well, the thing is,
the name's not important.

You see, the girl's
got a birthmark

like a strawberry
on her leg.

And the only way you can
be sure is to...

Well...

I thought I heard 'em all,

but I must say,
that's a new one.

I know it sounds
kinda nutty, but--

Get lost, mister.

[ barks ]

And take
Daniel Boone with you.

[ whimpers ]

Uh...

Excuse me, miss.
I wonder if you
could help me.

That all depends.

Well, um...

Well, here's my problem.

Tell your mother
I'll be right home,
soon as I've had a beer.

Well, bring Trampas with you.
I'll be waiting.

You'll like him.
He's a perfect gentelman.

Giddyup.

You meet all kinds.

That fella you just slapped.

What about him?

I just wondered
what brought it on.

I'm Charles Martin,
Betty's father.

Oh, I'm glad
to meet you, Mr. Martin.

I just got into town
and I was trying to--

Yes, I saw.Oh, you mean, uh--

For a man who walked
in this place less
than two minutes ago,

you managed to get
your face slapped
in record time.

I can explain that, sir.

You see, I'm trying
to do this favor
for an old sick man.

What kind of favor?

Um...

Well, it's, uh,
it's like this, you see.

Did you ever hear one
like that before?

Very interesting.

There. You think this
is going to be enough
for a picnic?

It looks like enough
to feed an army.

Well, you know the saying
about the shortest distance
to a man's heart.

I know all about that.

What I don't know
too much about, though,

is this young man.

But I told you.
I met him a couple months ago

in Medicine Bow
when I was visiting Laurie Ann.

He was very nice,
so naturally I said

if he ever got to Springdale
to look me up.

Naturally.

You don't mind, do you?No, no, of course not.

Not if he's as nice
as you say he is.

Oh, you'll like him.

He's not one of these
wild cowboys

you're always afraid
I'll meet.

You did say, though,
that he stopped off

at the saloon,
didn't you?

So did Daddy.
You wouldn't call him
a wild cowboy.

No. No, but you know,
when he was younger,

he did have his moments.

[ dog barking ]

There they are.

Oh, entertain him
while I change
into my new dress.

All right.

You stay out here, Fred.

Perhaps it'd be better
not to mention that favor

you're doing
for your friend.

Yeah. It sounds
kinda nutty, doesn't it?

That's exactly the word
I was searching for.

Hello, dear.

Honey, this is Trampas.
Mrs. Martin.

Hello, Trampas.Glad to meet you, ma'am.

Won't you come in?Thank you.

[ barking ]

Quiet, Fred.

Fred?

His real name's Ulysses,
but I call him Fred.

Oh, well...

Won't you sit down?

Oh, thank you.

[ footsteps ]

Hello.Hello, Betty.

Well, I see you got here.

Yeah, I--
Yeah.

Did you have a nice trip?

Oh, uh, um, so-so.

Um, don't I remember
someone saying something
about a picnic?

Oh, yes!
Would you like that?

Picnic?
Oh, yeah.

A picnic's just fine.I'll get the basket.

Well, she...

Well...

I sure do like picnics.

Bye, everybody.Goodbye, dear.

Oh, let me, uh...

This--Put this
right in here.

There.

Bye.Bye. Bye.

Bye. Nice meeting you.

Oh. Thank you.

Betty, this here
is Fred.

Oh, no!
Fred, get down now.

What's the matter with you?
Oh, he got you dirty.

Doesn't matter.
It was an old dress.

[ chuckles ]
Fred.

He's a brilliant
conversationalist.

You know, I don't remember
your impressing my parents

with your oratory
when you came calling on me.

Well, that was different.

No one ever got a word in
edgewise with your mother.

[ laughs ]

We won't be long, Fred.
You stay here.

[ whistles ]
Come on, Buck.

Where did you
get the dog?

Well, this old fella
I met along the way

asked me
to take care of him.

He's quite a dog.

I'd gathered that.

Uh, that showed
he liked you.

That's nice.

Well, the thing
about him is he's
got a mind of his own.

And stubborn--
ooh-hoo!

He wouldn't follow along
like any other dog, no, sir.

He had to jump
right in my arms
so I'd carry him.

I guess he doesn't
like to run.

He's running now.

Whoa. Whoa.

[ barks ]

All right, Fred, hop in.

Yes, sir.

He sure does have
a mind of his own.

Uh, like I said,
he likes you.

That's nice.

Mmm.

You make up a picnic basket,
you don't fool around.

It wasn't much.Wasn't much?

If it was any more,
you'd have to carry me
to the buggy.

Oh. Here you go, Fred.

Isn't that good? Hmm?

Yes, sir.

[ sighs ]
This sure is the life.

I thought you might find it
kind of lonesome out here,

being with just one girl.

What do you mean?

In Medicine Bow
when we went to the dance,

you seemed to know
every girl there.

Well, uh, you know how it is
in a small town.

Laurie Ann told me
all about you.

She said that if you were
stuck out in the middle
of a desert,

in five minutes you'd find
at least three girls--

a blonde, brunette,
and a redhead.

Well, that just goes to show
you can't listen to gossip.

We've been here
over an hour,

and not a single girl
has showed up.

I thought Laurie Ann
was joking.

I don't--

Are you Trampas?

Yes.

Excuse me.

I'm so glad I found you.
I'm Josie.

Oh.

Fran said you were
asking for me.

I'm the girl
you were looking for.

Oh. Uh...
Look, why don't you
go back to town?

We'll talk about it later.

I'll go! I think it's
only fair we take turns.

Uh, uh, uh, Betty.

Betty, now--
Betty, wait a minute. Wait.

Uh, Betty?As you pointed out,

you've been alone with me
for over an hour.

But I never saw that girl
before in my life.Of course not.

Now you gotta
let me explain.It isn't necessary.

But I want to.

Now it all started when I--
I met this old man,

the one who owns Fred.
I mean, Ulysses.

And he said if I was
going to Springdale,

he wanted me
to look up his niece

and tell her that he was sick
and he wanted to see her.

And that girl Josie,
she's this man's niece?

Well, I don't know
for sure, see.
I haven't seen her knee.

Uh, what I mean is that
she's got a mark,
it's above her knee.

It's--what do you call it?--
a strawberry.Oh, I see.

Oh, you do?Oh, I do indeed.

I see you
must have taken me

for the biggest fool
west of the Mississippi.

Well, maybe I was,
but I'm not anymore.

Giddyup!

Betty.Goodbye!

Ohh!

What's the matter
with her?

Oh, she's kind of peculiar.

She doesn't like
having a picnic with a fella

and some other girl
coming along
and busting it up.

But I thought you
wanted to see me.

Yeah, but not exactly
at this moment.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Well, um, let's
get back to town.

I can't wait to hear
all about Uncle Joe.

[ barking ]

Come on, Fred.

I can hardly wait to see him.

I've been so worried
about Uncle Joe.

Well, he said he hadn't
heard from his niece
in six years.

Oh, I know.
He and my father were feuding.

But when Pa died,
he told me to find Uncle Joe
and look after him.

Well, I tried.

Don't you believe me?

Well, yeah, I guess so.

So you don't.

If you knew
how guilty I felt.

That poor old man
and nobody to care for him.

And Fran said you told her
he's sick now.

That's right.
He's feeling pretty low.

Well, she said you had
a letter from him for me.

Well, he did send a note.

Well, let me see it.I'm not so sure I can do that.

You don't believe me.

How can I prove
that I'm telling--

Oh, I know.

Oh, but he probably
wouldn't have told you that.

He might not even
have remembered.Remembered what?

When I was a little girl,
Uncle Joe used to tease me.

He called me
his little strawberry.Why strawberry?

Because of that.

Yeah.

Well, you can go back
and ask him if you don't--

Oh, no, no,
he already told me.

Whew.

Here's your letter.Oh, thank you.

Oh, that poor old man.

Oh, that poor
dear old man.

Oh, that poor, dear,
lonely old man.

I feel so terrible
to think I've neglected him.

I've got to go to him.
You'll take me?

Now.Well, uh...

Please. I'll pay.

No, there's no need
for that.

I'm gonna be tied up
for a couple days.But he's sick.

He says so.I know.

Well, I sent the doctor
from Carrsburg
to look after him.

All right, we'll, uh,
we'll leave Sunday
morning, early.

If that's the best you can do,
I'll be ready and waiting.

Right.

Trampas, thank you.

You're a wonderful man
to help poor old Uncle Joe.

Ahem. Well, I guess
I'd better get going.

Oh.

Come on, Fred.

Goodbye, you dear darling.[ soft growl ]

He's such a dear.

But of course
he doesn't remember me

after all this time.

Yeah, guess so.

Well, goodbye.

I'd like a room, please.Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Number 7.
Head of the stairs,
turn to the right.

Thank you.[ dog barks ]

Where is it?

Where's what?

I heard a dog bark.

I didn't hear anything.
The key.

[ dog barks ]

[ barking ]

Oh. Oh, that bark.

Once I get him in the room,
he'll be quiet. I promise.

Well, but, uh...

Thank you.

Trampas.Oh, Betty.

I'm sorry
about this afternoon.

Daddy told me about
meeting you in the saloon.

I'm sorry
I didn't believe you.

That's all right.
It does sound
kind of crazy.

Here come Mother and Dad.

I wanted to come first
so I could apologize.Thank you.

Good evening, Trampas.Good evening.

Trampas, we'd like you
to join us for dinner
in the dining room tonight.

Oh, thanks.

Uh, well, uh,
I didn't bring a suit.

Oh, that's all right.
We don't stand
on ceremony here.

[ dog barks ]

Quiet, Fred.

I'll take Fred upstairs
and I'll be right down.

Well, we'll wait for you
in the dining room.

There, everything's
all right again.

Uh, I'm looking
for Mr. Trampas.

He just went upstairs.What room number?

7. But, uh--
Just a moment, miss.

Oh, Mr. Trampas.Yes?

I'm Barbara.
I just found out
about Uncle Joe.

Joe Keller.

He's your uncle?That's right.

Huh. I already found
Joe's niece,

a girl named Josie.Josie?

Well, she's lying.
I can prove it.

[ dog barks ]

Oh. Excuse me,
I forgot all about Fred.

Hold on, Fred.

[ barking ]

There you go.

Nice doggie.

Aren't you a nice doggie.

[ knock on door ]

I thought your dog
might be hungry, so--

Um, uh, Betty,
this is, uh, Barbara.

Barbara, this is Betty Martin.

You're too late, dearie.

Huh. Apparently.

No, no, now wait.
Now you've got it all wrong.

She came to see me
about that sick old man
I told you about.

But that's what you told me
about the first one.Yeah, I know, but--

Trampas, are you sure
you're not the sick old man?

That's very funny.

We'll see you
in the dining room?

I'll be right down.

Now look,
let's get this straight.

You can't be
Joe Keller's niece
because Joe Keller's niece

has a strawberry-colored
birthmark right here
on her leg.

Like that?
Now do you believe me?

I don't get it.

Well, what more proof
do you want?

[ door opens ]

I heard you were here!

If she said she's
Joe Keller's niece,
she's a liar.

I am not.
She's the liar!I am not!

Don't you call me a liar.

[ barking ]I'll call you
anything I want.

How dare you?[ yelling ]

Quiet!

[ barking ]

You, too, Fred!

Like I was saying,
there's a simple way
to settle this.

The law of averages
makes it very unlikely

that two girls
in the same town

would have identical
birthmarks.

Therefore, one of them
is a phony.

Now...

Which one of you
still claims to be his niece?

I do.I do.

All right.

We'll find out.

Josie.

See? I told you.

You still wanna
go through with this?

Here.

Daddy, please.Charles.

I am not going to
wait all night

for that young man
to come down
and have dinner with us.

Either he's ready
to eat right now, or we--

Oh. Oh!
Uh, yeah, I know--

Uh, I know--I know this
looks kind of funny.

I know.You bet it does.

We're leaving!

Wait a minute!

Give me a chance to explain.

I was...

No.

I wouldn't
believe it myself.

I had my doubts about
that story all along.But, Daddy--

Your father
is right, Betty.

I think you'd better
forget about that gentleman.

Whoa.

All right, get in.

Unh-unh, in back.

I wouldn't ride
with that--that liar.

Suit yourself.
Up, girl.

No, wait.

Oh, you can't leave me.

Now, look, I don't know
which one of you is lying.

I guess the only one
that knows that
is Joe himself.

And 'cause I promised Joe
I'd find his niece for him,

I'm taking you to his cabin--
both of you.

But I don't have to like it.

And if you ride,
you ride back there.

Well, make up your mind.

All right, girl, giddyup.

Trampas, will you tell
your other passenger

that her parasol
is intruding on my side?

Trampas, will you please
tell you-know-who

she's taking up
2/3 of the seat?

Of course,
that's not strange,

considering her figure.

Uhh.

Oh, he's such
a sweet dog.

He's such a cute puppy.

He always loved
playing with me, didn't you?

[ soft growl ]

[ whines ]

You and me both, pard.

Trampas, you must be thirsty.
Would you like some lemonade?

Uh, thanks.

Trampas, you must
be tired.

Have some whisky.

Uh, thank you both.
Very nice.

Ahh.

Trampas, will you please
tell your other passenger

that she has
carried this far enough?

If she has a brain
in her head,

she'll go back to Springdale
at the next town.

Trampas, will you please
tell Miss Bigmouth

just where she can go?
With my compliments.

Fred. Fred, tell both
of our passengers

that we're stopping
for lunch pretty soon,

and I hope one brought cheese
and the other ham.

Because if there's any
combination I really like,

it's cheese and ham.

[ dog barks ]

[ whistling ]

[ dog barks ]

Hmm.

Fred?

Trampas, you should have
some more of my fried chicken.

Mmm.
Don't mind if I do.

[ barks ]

Trampas,
why don't we just leave?

Oh?

I was thinking
about Uncle Joe.

It might just confuse
and upset him
to bring her there.

He's so kindhearted,
he might not even realize
what she is.

You mean he might think
that she's his niece?

If he's so sick, he might.

Just might be
because she is.

You don't trust anybody.

You're impossible!

Here.

Trampas.Hmm?

Uh, this is for you.

Oh?

It was my father's.
I want you to have it.

You've been so good
to Uncle Joe.
And to me.

Uh, don't let her see it.

It's your father's, huh?

Yes, it was
the last thing he gave me--

on his death bed.

Trampas,
I'm so grateful.

And I know
Uncle Joe will be, too.

I know he'll want to
give you a share.

A share of what?

Well...

Of whatever little he has.

Let's lose her, Trampas.

Just send her packing.

And we'll go on together.

You know she's lying.I do?

Well, I...

I could convince you if...

if we were alone.

I already have a watch.

But thanks for reminding me
what time it is.

We'd better get moving.

Come on, Fred.

Let's go.

Whoa.
All right, you two,

a couple more minutes
down this road,
and we're there.

Last chance for
whoever's lying
to tell the truth.

Well, why don't you
admit it?

Why don't I
admit it? Ha!

Come on, girl.

[ dog barks ]

Come on, come on.

Hello, Joe!

Whoa.

We're back, Joe.

[ barks ]

Joe?[ barks ]

[ whining ]

Come on in, Ulysses.

Uncle Joe!

Uncle Joe, where are you?

Where are you?Uncle Joe?

Uncle Joe!

There's no use hollering.
He's not here.

That's right, mister.
The old man got away.

But you're here,
and you're gonna tell me
where that gold is.

I don't know
where the gold is.

I don't even know
if there is any.

There is.
The only question's where?

I'm afraid you're
out of luck, mister.

I couldn't help you
if I wanted to.

I think you can--
with a little persuasion.

Now look, mister--Drop your gun belt.

[ growling ]

I'll take your gun.
All right, get over here.

Oh, you can
put him down now.

Here, one of you
take this.I've got it.

Yeah, well, use it
if you have to.

On him, not her.

Don't worry.I don't trust her.

You got a point there.

All right,
now you're even.

Don't even
breathe hard, mister.

I'm a very nervous girl

Fred, now you smell that.
You find Joe.

Go on, you find him.

[ barking ]

[ barking ]

[ dog barking ]

Ha ha ha! Boy!

[ laughing ]

Joe, you all right?I am now.

That fella, he tore
the place apart looking for me.

I figured Ulysses would
come back sooner or later.

Let's get out of here.It's all right, boy.

It's all right now.

[ barks ]

He's not going anywhere.

Out of the way.

Now...

You tell me, old man,
where is it?

No.

I said talk.

[ growling ]

Joe? Joe, you all right?

Oh, sure.

Truth to tell, I never
could fight worth a darn.

That a boy.

All right, mister, get up.
Get up!

Come on now.

Let's move, go on.

Here, boy.

Trampas.

Betty, what are you
doing here?

The doctor came
to Springdale
looking for you.

He didn't think that
Mr. Keller should be
up here all alone

and he wanted you
to persuade him.

Well, that explains him,
but what about you?

Well, when my father
found out you were
telling the truth

about Mr. Keller
having a niece,

well, he said
I could see you again.

You brought her.
My little niece!

No, no, no, Mr. Keller,
she's just a friend of mine.

Oh, I'm sorry, miss.

You didn't find her?Oh, I found her.

As a matter of fact,
I brought along a spare.

How's that?I'll explain later.

DOC: Joe,
how are you feeling?

Just fine, doc,
like I told you before.

Trampas, I'm glad
to see you.

I want you
to speak to Joe.

All right.
He just gave me an idea,
and I need your help.

Oh, how?

You keep an eye
on this fella here

while I go inside
and get his buddy,
then I'll tell you.

Well, what's he done?

I'll explain that
later, too.

Oh, use it if you need it.

Are you sure
you ain't my niece?

I'm sorry, Mr. Keller.

But I'm sure you won't
be disappointed when
you see the real one.

But if he's all right,
why can't I see him?Yes, where is my Uncle Joe?

The doc's trying
to tell you he's too sick
to see anyone right now.

Finally meeting his niece
after all this would be
too hard on the old man.

Isn't that right, doc?That's right.

I want him kept
perfectly quiet
for a day or two.

After all, he has
a real ordeal ahead of him,
with the trial and all.

The trial?What trial?

The strain of it may well
make him a permanent invalid.

He'll need lots
and lots of care,
perhaps for years.

What trial?

For fraud, grand larceny,
criminal misrepresentation.

The old man's been salting
no-good mines with rich ore
and then selling them.

How many charges are
against him, doc?

Four or five that I know of.
They haven't finished
adding them up.

You mean the old man
has nothing?

$30 in cash maybe
and a couple of stolen nuggets
like the one he gave me.

Let me out of here.Where you going?

Where do you think I'm going?
Back to Springdale.

Well, I guess that
settles the argument,
Barbara.

What argument?

Which one of you
was lying.

Are you out of your mind?
I'm gonna stick around here

and nurse some
broken-down jailbird?

That's no way to talk
about your uncle.

Oh, look, mister, I never
even heard of Joe Keller

until some drifter
in Springdale

sold me a bill of goods
on how to get rich.

And if I ever see that--

You will,
when we go outside.

Now, Trampas?
Now maybe you'll believe me.

Suppose I do.
You're walking out
on him, too, aren't you?

Who's walking out?

I've got some things
I can sell in Springdale.

If the old man's facing
all those charges,

he'll need some money
and a good lawyer.

Nobody's putting
my uncle in jail,

even if he is a crook.

Well, I guess
that settles that.

Come on, Josie,
I'll take you to him.

Well, wait, you--

Sorry, Barbara, looks like
you flunked the test.

Test?Mm-hmm.

You mean you made
all that up?

Yeah, in my
little square head.

Well, I'll be.

Uh. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Well, anybody know
how to take red ink off?

[ coughs ]

Well, you're all set, Joe.

Your claim
on the Josie Pride Mine

is all filed
and registered.

Well, thanks for
taking care of it, son.

I never was much good
at paperwork.

I'll find a man
to guard it

until you can make
arrangements for somebody
to work it for you.

Just give me two weeks
with this new nurse of mine

and I'll be back there
myself.

I'll bet you will at that.

Well, thanks again,
Trampas.

For me, too, Trampas.

Thank you for everything.

Oh, say, son.

If there's anything
we can ever do for you,
Margie and me--

Josie, Uncle Joe.

Oh, that's right.

Josie and me,
you just name it.

I'll keep it in mind.

Well...

So long, Fred.

I mean Ulysses.

Trampas.

If I remember right,
we have a picnic to finish.

Uh...

So we have.

[ barks ]

Not this time, pard.

Not this time.

Up, girl, come on.

[ whistles ]

[ barks ]

[ laughing ]