Original subtitles

Morning. Morning.

Someone woke up in project mood today.

I get more done before 9:00 in the morning

than others get done all day. As long as you don't abandon it midproject.

I do not do that. Make-your-own seashell candles.

Oh. Not fair. The placed smelled like melted crayons for three weeks.

This is different.

Fine. What's the project?

This is a pile of every catalog we've received for the last three months.

Okay. I've gathered them all together,

and I will now proceed to call all the companies

that are sending us duplicates and tell them to stop.

That's very environmental. It's getting ridiculous. We get eight of some of these.

You're kidding. Check this out.

This is a stack of identical catalogs

mailed to lorelai gilmore, Rory gilmore, lorelai Rory gilmore,

lorelai v. Gilmore, lorelai Victoria gilmore,

lorelai gilmo, lorelai gil,

and squeegy beckinheim. How'd that get in there?

I told a store my name was squeegy beckinheim

to see how many catalogs they would sell my name to.

My name is to catalog companies

what Brooke shields' picture is to Chinese restaurants.

How many? Ten.

Wow. Including one we were

already getting 7 catalogs from.

So you made the problem worse. Unintentionally.

This one is addressed to tookie clothespin. I forgot my code name

at the second store I tested, so I said it was tookie clothespin.

Which means we get even more catalogs. Again, it was unintentional.

When you start a forest fire unintentionally,

it's still your fault. You're putting calling myself

squeegy beckinheim and tookie clothespin

on a level with starting a forest fire?

It's killing trees. You're depressing me.

Stop the madness. That'll cheer you up.

I need coffee. There's more coffee.

I should get ready, too.

You're stopping midproject.

I'm bored. Then don't start these projects.

I'll finish. I just want to check on the seashells.

These catalogs will be sitting here forever.

No, they're biodegradable.

I'll call half, and you call half.

Okay. Okay.

You do yours first, then I'll do mine.

Hey... We only have one phone.

You're young. You'll dial faster!

Squeegy!

♪ Feelin' lonely and so cold ♪

♪ all you have to do is call my name ♪

♪ and I'll be there on the next train ♪

♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ if you need ♪ ♪ if you need ♪

♪ you need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ where you lead, I will follow ♪

♪ anywhere that you tell me to ♪

♪ if you need ♪ ♪ if you need ♪

♪ you need me to be with you ♪

♪ I will follow where you lead ♪

the bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the streetlights

and relieving themselves on helpless passersby.

And I dare say some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose.

You get dumped on, Taylor? It's not just me.

If anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I'll pay top dollar.

Taylor, all animals have to... You know.

How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?

Easy. You put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures.

Then, when they land, pow! They're shish kebob.

That's cruel. You can't do that.

I'd rather have bird crap on my head.

There... our new town slogan! I like it.

I see coffee mugs, t-shirts.

Don't forget the stuffed shish-kebob birds.

That moan when you squeeze them.

Uh, excuse me.

May I help you, sir? Yes, I was looking for...

ah, there she is... Patricia.

Patricia! Well, well, well!

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!

Oh, now, stop it. Are you ready?

I'm right in the middle of something, Jesus,

but I'll be right out... patience.

Okay.

Now, as we were saying...

who's the fox, Patty? Excuse me...

I met him at a funeral. Great guy, good dancer... Latin!

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh!

People, order, please!

He better treat you right.

How well do you know him? I just met him.

I can look him up on the Internet. People, please!

Now, due to the lack of response,

we'll hold off on the bird spikes.

Good. Let miss Patty's date begin!

It's a digital. I want a full visual account.

Hold it. There's one more issue

that must be addressed before we can adjourn.

Alright. Now, that weird, taciturn fellow

who's always walking around with his backpack

has put in an absurd request

to stage a protest in the town square.

The town loner? That guy still lives around here?

Somewhere in the hills, right? Thought he was long gone.

He visited the bookstore a few times and said nothing.

It's a bit creepy. Very creepy.

But he's our boo radley, and we don't have a boo radley.

Unless you count the troubadour or the guy who talks to mailboxes.

Every town needs as many boo radleys as they can get.

Yes, that's my point.

What's he protesting, Taylor?

Well, that's not indicated here, but it doesn't matter.

Protesting is not allowed in the town square. Period. It's un-American.

Like the revolutionary war? And rosa parks?

That's different. They were against the British and buses.

No one likes the British or buses.

Yes, dear. What is it?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I heard my name.

He said "buses," dear, not "Jesus."

Sounded like "Jesus."

Could this meeting be any more disrupted?

I could do a soft-shoe. While I pound out a beat on the bongos.

Sounds like fun. I got bongos in the back.

Seeing as how our attention spans are gnatlike tonight,

as town selectman, I am refusing the town loner's request to protest,

and I am adjourning this meeting.

She's all yours, Jesus.

Nothing of substance done in this meeting.

And the tradition stands.

What do you know about this town-loner guy?

Just kind of skulks around with that backpack, never smiles.

Does he also make cheeseburgers

and harbor a desire to wear a backwards baseball cap? What?

♪ They're cousins, identical cousins ♪

stop it.

Well...

Look who's back behind the wheel... lovely.

Mom, I'm gonna get going. I've got some studying to do.

Okay. I'll catch up with you.

When did Jess get a car? Oh, uh, recently.

Where'd he get it? Uh, from a guy around here at a place.

You had no idea, did you? Not in the least.

Way to have a handle on things.

He doesn't share much with me, and he's got a license.

Stop him before he kills. He's not gonna kill anyone.

He's got a bad track record with cars. I know.

I'm not exactly thrilled with this.

I'm sorry. I'll just butt out now.

Where'd he get the money? What?

For the car. I don't know. Working at th diner?

I can barely afford a car on the money I get.

Probably a gift from someone who doesn't know it's gone yet.

Thanks. I'm helpful, aren't I?

Bye. Bye.

Hey. Hey.

So, you got a car.

Motor trend's not gonna be giving it any awards,

it'll get me around. I guess it'll get you around.

So, uh, where'd you get the money for it?

Mugged an old lady.

Jess... It didn't cost that much.

What's "not much"? Less than "a lot."

Where did you get the money? You know that hash you sling at the diner?

I scrape it off the plates. I work for you? Yeah, I know you do.

I also know I don't pay you enough to buy the car.

I saved up and bought the car from gypsy's. She gave me a good deal.

Okay, so you bought a car.

Now, the price of the car is just one small thing.

It's just the beginning. Oh, yeah?

Did you take the additional expenses into account?

Like? Insurance.

I'm in good hands. Liability, uninsured motorist?

All the paper work's in the glove compartment.

Money for gas? This didn't come with a never-emptying magical tank?

Jess... I factored that in.

You're gonna have repairs. I can fix most of them myself and save up for the rest.

Plus, I'm gonna replace the oil every couple months.

I bet you didn't think of that. I'm the one that brought it up.

You're the one that didn't think of it. No, but I...

Sign this.

Registration?

I'm still a minor. I don't have a pen.

It's okay that somebody's name is crossed out on it

and that yours is written in. Yep.

Just checking. Thanks. Glad we had this talk.

Yeah. Same here.

Hello. I'm in here.

Wow. You beat me home by two minutes, and your nose is already in the books.

I can go from zero to studying in less than 60 seconds. Very impressive. Mail call.

What's this? Mortgage payment. You mind picking it up this month?

No, not at all. Just something addressed to you.

It's an invitation.

Oh. An invitation to what?

Is it the white house again? Those boys never give up.

It's to Sherry's baby shower.

Who? Sherry tinsdale... dad's Sherry.

You're kidding?

It's at her and dad's house on Sunday.

Well, that is very weird. We haven't had contact with Christopher in months.

She must know we're on the outs with him.

She may not know how on the outs.

Zero contact is maximum on the outs.

Yeah. Although there may have been some.

Some what? Some contact.

Oh. You've been in contact with Christopher?

Yeah. I'm sorry. No, don't apologize.

You've always been totally free to talk to him whenever you want.

I mean, he's your dad, right?

So don't apologize. Okay, I take the apology back.

It's good you've been talking to him.

It is weird you didn't tell me.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Stop apologizing.

Even when I feel I should apologize, I can't? Yeah. It's a little annoying.

Sorry. Rory...

I'm trying to lighten the mood. It is.

I just hate that you had to hide that from me.

I just felt like I was betraying you.

Well, you weren't. I know that now.

So, how much contact have you had with him?

Not tons. He e-mailed me a month ago, I e-mailed him back,

and now we occasionally talk on the phone.

Does he ever ask about me?

What answer will freak you out the least? The honest one.

Yes, he asks about you,

because dad will always care for you very much you know that.

Do you want me to say hello for you next time we talk? No.

Fine. What should I do about this?

It's your call. I guess being in dad's world

automatically means being in Sherry's.

It is your half-brother or sister she's carrying...

I know. It's weird. A good reason to make some connection with her.

It's gonna be one of those brunchy quichey things

where I don't know anyone, and it's in Boston.

I'll drive you there. Really?

I'll do some shopping while you quiche it.

We can set up some s.O.S. Signal if I want to leave?

Sure. What should the signal be?

How about "s. O.S."? Perfect.

So you're going. I guess I'm going.

Good. I think you've made the right decision.

So do I. And I shouldn't have hid that I'm talking to dad.

I'm really s... uh...

starving. I'll get some ice cream.

You're up early. Got a few errands to run.

You got time before school?

I got wheels. Right.

Right, you got wheels.

Lid. By the way, I owe you 10 bucks.

When did I loan you 10 bucks?

Last night. I wasn't here.

You're always here, Uncle Luke... in my heart.

You took money out of the register. You'll get it back today.

Do not take money out of the register.

Gotta run.

Lid.

Oh, uh, what can I get you, kirk? Patty melt and a coke.

You want the melt cut into squares or stars today? Half and half?

Okay, coming right up. Thanks.

Man, that car's a honey...

dual piston cams, diplex overdrive with maximum torque,

16 liter side by side, firing 3 on 1... sweet.

Kirk, none of that makes any sense. What?

I know a little about cars. That was all gibberish.

Oh. Well, would you mind not telling people about this?

I've cultivated a reputation as sort of a car aficionado,

in reality, all I have is a jan and Dean record. I'll keep it to myself.

I should probably listen to it again. Yeah, I would.

Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car...

Or a bike... Or my roller skates back.

You don't take care of it. I do!

This truck doesn't like you.

Is it talking to you now?

Your transmission's shot.

I shift up and down a lot. Mr. grind-it- till-you-find-it, huh?

Just tell me what needs doing.

Be faster to say what doesn't need doing. Whatever you want.

You ride your brakes... bad for the truck, good for me.

I like replacing brakes... pays for the cable TV.

How about I just make the check out

directly to your cable company? Would that be easier?

Yeah, thanks, and get some extra checks

'cause you're gonna be making one out to my milkman, too.

Oh, and looky here. You just bought me a couch.

Hey, Luke. Hey, gypsy. I don't want to interrupt.

No, please. I need a little break from the gaiety.

What can I do for you? Well, Jess came home with this car,

and he bought it from you.

It's working great, if that's what you're wondering.

I know that. It's just, uh, he paid you for it, right?

Nothing's free at gypsy's.

And he paid cash? Mostly 20s.

Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills,

not Alfred e. Newman or someone? Looked real to me.

When he took the money out, did a mask or a gun fall out?

No, he was carrying it in a bag with a big dollar sign on it.

Really? No.

Good. Guys are stupid.

What? You strip your gears, you ride your brakes,

if we don't laugh after we make a joke, you think we're serious. I don't ride my brakes!

I want to make sure it was on the up-and-up.

I don't ask where my customers get their money from, do you?

I guess I don't. Thanks. Anytime.

Oh, goody! A trip to Florida!

This is outrageous.

The town unanimously refused

to let that loner freak protest in the square.

Why would the two of you consider allowing him to do it from your church?

The town didn't refuse him. You did.

So you're spearheading this revolt?

Reverend Skinner and I share the church for services.

If there's gonna be a protest, it'll be a joint decision.

I can't even look at this mayonnaise.

I got it, David. Thanks.

I could ban it. I could get the town council together,

find something on the books. There's a way.

The church is exempt from your town statutes.

We answer to a higher authority... like the hot dog.

I laugh every time you say that. Funny is funny.

I can guarantee that God does not want this either.

Did you hear that, David?

Taylor doose is in direct communication with God.

30 years, I haven't received so much as a card.

Is it by phone that you speak with him?

Do you have a God-phone? Rabbi, please.

What's he like... for us who've never met him?

Short? Tall? Does he like to laugh?

Is the shellfish thing really serious?

Because some of these red lobster commercials...

They look good, huh? Oh, with the melted butter...

Can we stay serious for a minute here?

You're too uptight. No matter how much steam blows out of your ears,

our decision will be final. It's hardball, huh? The council gave you special permission

to run bingo out of that building. We could withdraw it.

At your peril. Meaning?

You're gonna tell my old ladies, my bubbies,

you're shutting down their bingo? I'm not afraid of them.

God, thank you for letting me be in the room when Taylor said that.

I would sincerely like to thank you for wasting my time.

Our pleasure. I can't believe that you, reverend Skinner of all people

would do this to me, after all the support I've given you.

All the support? Taylor, you're a Sunday protestant.

You come in, you say, "hi, God," you sing, and you leave.

I always leave a dollar. For your singing voice, you should leave $2.

Fine, if you feel like that, maybe I will just stop showing up altogether.

Maybe I'll convert to something else

and give them my generous weekly donation.

You want him? Not after that "bubbies" thing.

Maybe the shakers in woodbury would take him.

Can you make furniture?

Goodbye, gentlemen!

How's it going? Pretty slow.

Is Jess upstairs? I haven't seen him.

Okay, thanks.

Jess?

Hello?

Oh, hey, Randy. What's up?

Well, someone's gotta take care of it.

It's not gonna take care of itself.

I understand. I get it. What else?

Uh-huh.

You think I got a good gift? It's foolproof.

It's not very original. A new mother can't have many baby blankets,

not with so much stuff oozing out of a baby's every orifice.

Ew! I call it like I see it.

Call it less graphically. The very concept of childbirth is vaguely disturbing.

Kids are cool, but getting there seems like a cosmic joke.

Definitely thought up by a man. My mom said that when she told me where babies come from.

My mom hasn't told me. When my cousin got pregnant, she said it's because

an angel brushed its wings against her face.

I can fill you in on the details.

No, thanks. I picked it up off the streets.

That's new. Is it?

I have never seen it before,

I'm very into the minutia around here. That's for sure.

Do you know whose it is? Yep.

Whose? Jess'.

Jess? The guy who wrecked your car? He's got a car now?

Mm-hmm. Looks that way.

That's outrageous! That's a travesty!

It's not that big a deal. It's a humongous deal.

You're taking this very hard.

Because, we're best friends, Rory, we're linked.

I feel what you feel... except for now. You don't seem to be feeling anything.

It's nothing to get excited about.

Hey. Hey, Lane.

Hey, back at you, tough guy. What?

Something wrong?

No. Yes, you have a car.

I know. Don't give me lip.

How'd you get the car? I bought it.

I thought you built it from parts from cars you've totaled.

What is your problem? You know what you did.

I gotta go. Yes, drive on away. We'll keep walking.

That's all Rory's been able to do... lots of walking.

She's got bunions because of you.

I don't have bunions. She's too nice to complain.

Knock it off. Just go, Jess.

I didn't start this. You wrecked Rory's car.

Tell her to walk it off. You walk it off.

I'm trying to drive off. Then go.

Jeez, how Andy Griffith is this town

that people get so excited by a car?

It's not the car. It's who's got the car.

Fine, take it. I'm sick of this. I don't want this junk.

I suppose Dean is already building you another car...

something really snazzy.

Shut up and go. Gladly.

Let's go. Gladly.

Oh, and by the way, you left your bra in the back seat.

This must be the place. I think the balloons confirm it.

No pink, no blue. All green.

Aren't baby-shower balloons supposed to reflect

the sex of the baby... blue for boys, pink for girls?

You would think. What's green for, aliens?

I'll ask. We're all set, right?

Anytime you want out, just send up a flare. I will.

Even if I'm half-naked in a changing room,

I'll grab everything and rush out.

You making a half-naked entrance would be funny.

Hi! Whoa!

Oh, I'm sorry. I totally snuck up on you.

It's okay. Hi. Hi, Rory.

Lorelai, I'm so excited you came.

I'm just dropping Rory off.

Oh, don't go. Stay. What?

Come to the party. Please. Oh, I don't know.

I know that you weren't invited, but it's 'cause

my friends didn't think you'd be comfortable.

I told them not to worry. Thanks, I'm not dressed for it.

Oh, please, you look fine. Well, um...

Um... Mom kind of has plans. I got a couple credit cards burning a hole in my wallet.

Go shopping some other time, and come play with us. Please.

There's a bunch of people in there that Rory doesn't know.

Having you here would make her so much more comfortable.

I don't mind not knowing anyone, really.

That's nice, honey, but very unconvincing.

Lorelai, I meant to extend the invitation to both of you.

I just wasn't sure if you'd...

you know, there's lots of food

and booze for the lucky, nonpregnant ones... and cake. It'll be fun.

Well... I'll block your car with my stomach.

No, don't do that.

Please. It would mean so much.

Well, um, okay. Sure.

Really? Yeah, let's have a party.

Yay! Ooh, watch it.

You'll jiggle that thing right out of you.

A mother's perspective. Thanks.

Come in, come in.

Nice place. Very nice.

Well, it's a work in progress.

It was so bachelor pad before...

rock posters, modular furniture, magazines everywhere.

I would pick up a TV guide, and it would be three months old.

Well, here's the gang.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

You've got Gail, Jody, Maureen, Linda, Susan, and Alice.

Hi. This is Christopher's daughter, the famous Rory.

And I did a little arm-twisting

got her mother, to come in, too.

The more, the merrier. Mojito?

That you don't need to twist my arm for.

Rory and I will be the only ones not imbibing... and g.G.

Who? G.G... Short for Georgia.

That's cute. So it's a girl.

Yeah. Christopher would have been happy with either,

but I really wanted a ballerina.

Oh. Ahh, what's this? Everyone gets a diaper pin, and if you say the word "baby,"

the person catching you saying it gets to keep your pin.

Maureen's the instigator of this soiree.

She has her own publicity firm in New York.

She meant to run all those people down, but you didn't hear it from me.

Oh. Oh, look at this.

The famous cd collection... in alphabetical order, too.

And not stacked up like coasters.

I had to put an end to that.

I would be looking for my wang chung or Billy Joel,

and I would have to give up.

So now everything is at your fingertips.

See? Wang chung. Wang chung.

Hey, no subgroups, Sherry. Get over here.

Mojito? Oh, thank you.

Club soda? Thank you.

Don't you hate the way she looks?

Sherry? You can only tell she's pregnant in profile.

Nothing in the face, nothing from behind.

Yeah, you look amazing. I do not.

When I was carrying this one, doorways had to be widened.

It's good to have you here, lorelai.

It's only you that can give me a motherly perspective. Oh, none of you have kids?

Who's got the time? Or the guy?

There aren't that many Christophers in the world.

That's true. You have to give me your list of books...

books? The ones that you read when you had Rory.

Oh, I think I was reading "deenie" at the time.

No parenting books? No.

Where'd you get your information on child-raising, your mom?

No. "For keeps."

Molly ringwald, Randall batinkoff...

really underrated little post-John Hughes flick.

She went to the prom fat. I found it really inspirational.

Hey, what are we all sitting around here for?

Let the games begin!

Let the games begin! Games?

Help me move the couch.

They're moving the couch. Bless you for being here.

Up, up.

Feed the baby! Come on, feed the baby!

Go, go, go!

You've got 20 seconds.

Come on!

Feed the baby!

♪...Face ♪

♪ you've got the cutest little... ♪

♪...face ♪

♪ there's not another one could take your place ♪

♪...face ♪

♪ my poor heart is jumping ♪

♪ you sure have started something ♪

♪...face ♪

horseradish.

Write it down, write it down.

Hoping it's ammonia.

You're not supposed to say. Write it down.

Ew.

Baby crap.

One, two, three...

Pull!

Wow. Loud!

Keep opening, keep opening. You guys got me too much stuff.

You should have chipped in and bought me one thing.

Oh, it's a mobile. I love it, Gail.

Thank you.

Green again. Pretty green, too.

Isn't it supposed to be pink... pink for a girl?

Oh, pink's out. It's last week.

It's in all the magazines. Green's the new pink.

I did not know that. Did you know that?

Oh, sure. Hey, Sherry, let me ask you... how are you gonna finish

that spring campaign you're working on?

I have the final presentation on the 17th at noon, which gives me time to do g.G. At 5:00.

"To do g.G."? My caesarean.

I scheduled it months ago. Didn't you schedule yours?

Not quite. A half-hour before I had Rory,

I was eating a pepper sandwich, watching TV.

You were almost named Quincy. Thanks for refraining.

Scheduling it like this was beyond necessary.

I would die without organization...

which is why I was so thrown off in the beginning.

What do you mean? Christopher and I didn't plan for this.

I thought I had the flu. I visited the doctor and he said,

he had to pick me up off the floor.

I'm drunk, so I'm telling you that we were shocked when you told us because

you are so not a baby person. Oh, I'm still not.

She's all mine when she's got the legs to dance,

but Christopher's the baby person. She's going to be beautiful.

You and Christopher are like a poster for Aryan breeding.

I hope g.G.'S as beautiful as Rory and half as smart, too.

She's going to Harvard, you know. Really?

I'm not in yet. I've just applied.

She's as good as in. I'm not just saying that.

I can also sign it, mime it, do an interpretive dance to it.

It's gonna be Harvard. I certainly hope so.

It's just minutes from here. Minutes, really?

I've already clocked it... 2.7 Miles, which is nothing.

I've checked out the best route

for her to take to come over after classes.

To come over here? Your little sister is going to demand it.

You can even sleep over.

I'll have a dorm room. Dorm rooms are awful.

You can even spend the weekends, too.

Right. The ones she's not visiting me on.

That's a given, lorelai.

Really, anytime. We've got a key for you.

Thank you. I'll definitely visit.

You, too, lorelai. You're sort of g.G.'S aunt.

Oh, I guess I kind of am. I'm gonna get some more potato salad.

Isn't it the best? I'm want some more, too.

No, let me get it. No, that's okay.

I can't believe my appetite. It's so weird what a baby does to you.

You have a lifetime to get back at 'em. Right. Thanks for that.

I'm glad you're here. Good.

Chris would be happy you're here, too.

Oh. Great. I have to tell you,

he has been so amazing the past few months...

so involved with the baby.

Good, good.

You'd think those things would be against the law.

He talks to it every night.

Who? Christopher... to the baby.

He sings, too. That's nice.

He has a terrible voice, but it's sweet. And he's so protective.

If he was here now, he'd insist that I lie down.

I keep kidding him that he's gonna come home with one of those sofas

with the pole and the four men to carry me around.

Feel free to send it to my house.

Did she get a bulk rate on those things or what?

When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't sure how Christopher would handle it,

I never expected he'd be like this. He's been unbelievable.

That's great, Sherry, really.

Yeah, well, I wanted to thank you.

Thank me? Yeah, it's all because of you.

What? I've been wanting to tell you, actually.

Chris and I had a rocky stretch.

I thought for sure he was out the door.

He was so distant and hardly talked.

I wasn't sure if I'd tell him about the baby.

I thought I'd either go it alone or not go through with it.

I was in the same position as you when you were pregnant, you know?

Yeah, I guess. I decided I would tell him before I made any decisions.

That was the weekend he was with you and Rory.

There was a wedding or something.

Yes, I remember.

Well, I don't know what happened or what you said,

but whatever it was, it worked.

He came back a changed man.

All of a sudden, he was so attentive and devoted

and so willing to make it work.

He said that he had missed out before

and he didn't want to miss it again.

I just credit a good portion of that to you.

Yes, well, I can be very persuasive.

I'm getting to hate those things.

Cool it with the poppers.

Party pooper. Popper pooper!

They're children.

Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

Uh, it's just one hell of a mojito.

Could you point the way to the bathroom?

Just through there and to the right. Thanks.

Uh, just... just a minute.

It's me.

Come in. Hi, there. Hi, there.

Are you okay? I've been better.

You rearranged her medicine cabinet?

Yes. And it's going to rock her world.

Are you having a meltdown? Pretty much.

From something Sherry said? From everything Sherry said.

About my visiting her? Okay, sure, we'll start there.

As if you're gonna have free time to pal around with her.

You'll be in classes. She was just asking.

What were you agreeing to come over all the time?

I was just being polite. By being here every weekend?

I did not agree to that. You're spending all your weekends with me.

She had to have a girl. That kills me. That her baby's a girl?

Yes, because I have a girl, and she's just a copycat.

She can't control the sex of her baby.

Little miss "I'll give birth before 5:00"? I think she can.

"All I want is a ballerina." Mom...

Poor thing's gonna pop out of her womb and land in a tutu. I hope not.

What is with that name... g.G.? It's a cute name.

Yeah, 'cause she's copying me there, too...

Rory, g. G... Rory, g. G... They're identical.

They're not identical. Two syllables, repeating consonants.

Rory. G.G.

Oprah. Uma. Don't mock.

I'm trying to joke you down off that ledge. That music... God, that music.

Yeah, music's driving me crazy too.

They've been playing the same nondescript,

soft, generic jazz for two straight hours.

Who is that playing that stupid saxophone? It's music you eat brunch to.

Thank you for finally being on my side. I'm always on your side.

She probably makes Christopher listen to that garbage.

Then there's the whole thing of rearranging his cds.

To her, they're just identical little metal discs

full of annoying sounds that you alphabetize like files in an office.

I'm with you on that, but calm down.

I just want to rearrange her whole house.

You can't do that. Please?

Let me just mess up her bed.

You make a distraction, like setting a fire,

and I'll run up and un-color-coordinate her sheets.

The fire would be the thing that she'd remember.

I could have been out buying shoes I'll never wear...

and all that stuff about me and thanking me...

What? Nothing.

I-I know you're always on my side.

It's okay. I'm sorry.

We should probably get back.

Yeah. Probably.

I'm gonna take one of Maureen's little poppers and pop her right...

mom... Let's go.

Just... green's the new pink?

Mom... Come on.

It's stupid. Thank you.

Let's go.

Told the people that wanted some that a fly landed in it.

You were going through my stuff?

Huh? Why're you going through all my stuff?

I'm not. So someone else is?

I did not.

You suck at lying. You're paranoid.

Fine, but that doesn't mean

you're not going through my stuff. Get the forks.

Everything I own is in a different place.

Now, why are you going through my stuff? For your own good.

Can we be a little more totalitarian here?

How about I ask a question? Be my guest.

How did you pay for the car? What?

Money. For the car. I told you, I worked for it.

I know what I pay you. I do jobs around town.

What jobs? I clean rain gutters.

If you cleaned every rain gutter from here to Vermont,

you wouldn't be able to afford it. Where did you get the money?

I'm not just doing rain gutters when I'm not working here. What are you doing?

I go to, uh, a place that gives me money.

For what? For my services.

What services? What place?

Jess, are you a gigolo? What?

You say you go to a place where they give you money...

where? Wal-Mart.

Excuse me? I've been working there 12 hours a week

to get extra money. Wal-Mart?

You work at Wal-Mart? Yeah.

I cannot picture you working at Wal-Mart.

Oh, my God. You work at Wal-Mart.

Let's drop this now. Sure. Fine.

You're not the guy greeting people, are you?

We were dropping this.

I move stock around on a forklift.

That takes a special license.

I spent a Saturday taking the class, and I got it like that... no biggie.

Wow. Are we done here?

Yeah. You wear a vest and everything?

It's the uniform. I have to.

You've been sneaking out with a little vest?

It's not a little vest. Is it blue?

Will you stop talking about the vest?

You get a store discount? 15%.

And if you want 15% off anything,

you're not getting it. You're being a jerk. My enjoyment is worth the loss.

I'm eating and ignoring you.

You're like the all-American boy.

Call me dirk squarejaw.

Look at you, what?

Eating apple pie.

I'm outta here.

Hey, wave a flag and sing "God bless America," please.

Goodbye.

You're okay to drive?

I barely drank a thing. I'm talking about your mood.

My mood is fine. You're still mad at Sherry.

I'm fine, and I'm fine to drive.

Although sometimes, when I'm driving and it's dark like this,

I get the sudden urge to turn the wheel into oncoming traffic.

No, do not do Duane from "Annie hall"!

I can see the flames and smell the smoke.

I hate this bit. I'm creeping me out, too.

Move those things. They're not the most fragrant food.

We shouldn't have taken them. We had no choice.

She was insistent. "Take the deviled eggs!"

And then her drunken friends hear it,

and they're all shouting, "take the deviled eggs!"

Every one of those ladies was slobbering drunk.

Maureen and Susan almost coming to blows was worth it.

How did that happen? From what I could tell,

Susan said, "bla ra um Deb bla,"

and Maureen took great offense.

Well, yeah!

We didn't have to stay that long.

Sherry made a very persuasive argument

that if we left at 6:00, there'd be an extra hour of traffic.

Leaving at 7:00, is the same as leaving at 6:00.

She's very up on traffic flow and rush hour and all that. She's rand McNally.

She should do traffic reports on the radio.

"Looks like there's a tie-up on the boulevard.

"They appear to be moving every building in Harvard university,

"so now it's just 1.3 Miles from my house.

"Nice job, guys. You're awful.

"Oh, and lots of cars stopped at a blue light

"at garvey Avenue. Why a blue light?

"'Cause blue's the new red."

I like that you're feeling better.

I'm not feeling better. I'm still... Grrr.

That medicine cabinet was not enough. Mom...

It was tame, and any one of those drunken yuppies

could have messed it up. They wouldn't dare.

Plus, when I went back in there, I cleaned it up.

Rory... Let it go.

That was my catharsis. Let it go.

That woman does something to me.

You've gotta live and let live.

Bringing up Christopher like that...

she must know what she's doing. I'm not sure.

I almost wish she was doing all this on purpose.

I just hope dad's happy.

Happy? With Sherry and g.G., the 5:00 ballerina? No way.

And to think that I sent him back to her a new man?

Oh, man.

Stop the car! What? Why?

You want catharsis? Yes.

I know what'll do it for you.

What? Jess' car.

What? We egg Jess' car. It's perfect.

Are you serious? No one's around.

If rearranging Sherry's medicine cabinet is immature,

what's this? Off the chart.

We can't egg his car. Sure we can.

Doose's is closed, and we don't have any eggs at home.

You want to devil-egg Jess' car?

And how is that gonna make me feel better about Sherry?

Because it's active. It's aggressive.

It's destructive but not too destructive.

I don't know. Can you make something up? Let's do it.

Leave the engine running. Good thinking.

You first.

Wow. Nice. Made a good sound, too.

How'd it feel? Fantastic.

You're right. That's good.

I don't think there's been a better use of deviled eggs in culinary history.

That's it? All out.

Damn that Sherry for not sending more with us.

Don't lose your catharsis. Right. Sorry.

Wait. What?

Is that a siren? I don't hear anything.

Me neither. It seemed the cool thing to say.

It was. Hey, let's run back and speed off

like we did something awful and the cops are after us! Run!

Be prepared, 'cause I am gonna squeal out of here. Go!

Try again, try again.

We'll just make the noise ourselves. Good deal.

Eeeeeeeek! Rrrrrrr! Eeek!

I wonder if he's seen it yet. Doesn't look like it.

Maybe we should have headed for the border. Which border?

The one between America and sephoraland.

Hey, Luke.

I was just seeing what the mob scene is.

The protest! Come on! We almost forgot.

It's the big day, huh?

It's supposed to happen any minute.

Goody. This is hardly a goody.

Are you locked and loaded, officer?

I'm a tiger ready to pounce. What's with having the law here?

This protest is gonna be very mellow, very peaceful.

You can hang out in haight-ashbury

and drink as much electric kool-aid as you want,

but I'm preparing for the worst.

There he is. What's he carrying?

Something all rolled up. Probably a body.

It looks heavy, too.

Bodies are heavy. That's not funny.

Somebody should give him a hand.

Here comes someone. Oh, guess he didn't want help.

There's a reason his name isn't "town gregarious guy."

Very true. Do you have bullets in that thing?

I'm ready to pop some caps here.

There he goes. This is a very nice protest so far.

One of the best I've been to. It's fun seeing everybody like this.

We see each other every day. We don't all stand like this.

We should have brought food. We'll know better next time.

There he is! It's a banner.

Probably laced with obscenity.

He's dropping it! This is exciting!

It's blank. It's the wrong side.

Turn it over!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

All that work.

Did anyone see what it said?

Just the flash of a word. It started with an "r."

Well, then all we have to do is think of everything

that someone could protest that starts with an "r."

Ragu. He could be protesting ragu.

Reptiles. That's another.

Robots. Could be.

Ix crosti sonnicello!

What did he say? His diction's terrible.

I heard something about jello.

Well, is he for jello or against jello? It's not clear.

Dopbanoodlestooz!

He said, "stop the noodle scooz."

Stop the noodle scooz? That's not even English.

What does it have to do with jello?

I heard, "drop the student schools."

That must be it. But that doesn't make any sense either.

Bennifromasdamarkisel!

We have to stop this.

He could be saying horrible, blasphemous things.

But how would you know?

What's the harm if we can't understand?

Maybe he's protesting man's inability to communicate

by not communicating and getting us to talk about communication.

Whoa. You are blowing my mind here.

I'm seeing trails.

Luke!

You see this? See what? What happened?

Someone egged my car. Jeez, it stinks.

It's gonna take me forever to clean this up.

These eggs are cooked. They look like deviled eggs.

Someone devil-egged my car? Well, that is paprika.

Someone prepared deviled eggs to throw at my car? They must hate you a lot.

Maybe it was the guy in the garden department. I'm gonna clean this up.

Maybe it was the assistant manager.

You guys have words in the snack room?

Protest, vandalism... makes you think about leaving this town.

I never want to leave this town.

Guess he's given up.

Back to the hills, town loner,

to protest another day.

He doesn't litter. That's nice.

He looks so sad. He'll be fine.

Mrs. town loner will cheer him up.

Whew! Let's get upwind from Jess' car.

Oh!

Breakfast?

Anything but eggs.

I was home all night last night.

Ha! So was I.

We have alibis and everything.