Original subtitles

You know what I like to add here? A little cinnamon.

lt makes everything better. Ice cream, pancakes, even liver.

Hmm...

Is that really necessary?

Can't believe I have to buy a new toaster...

Stupid firefighters.

Thank you, sir. You are very generous, sir.

What was that?

Never mind. I don't have time for you.

How can you be out of toasters?!

Forget it. I will take my business elsewhere.

We sell toasters.

Don't talk to me!

Where's my car? Where's my car?

Did my car get towed?

No, sir. It's safely on its way.

On its way where?

Ah! Eagle Rock I think!

We appreciate your donation of your automobile.

Donation? I just parked it there for five minutes!

In our donation area, sir.

I did not want to donate my vehicle.

Oh. Really? Whoops.

That's all you have to say to me? Whoops? You stole my car!

I said, "Whoops." And in my defense, no one would want to

keep a vehicle like that.

Who are you? What's with the stupid outfit?

Are you part of some strangely-dressed

ring of car thieves?

No, sir. I'm in the Salvation Armed Forces. Sir!

I don't even know where Salvatia is!

Why is the United States military allowing

you to operate on our sovereign soil?

And what gives you the right to commandeer my vehicle?

Sir, you obviously don't understand.

Give me my car!

Remove your hands from my person immediately, sir.

What are you gonna do about it?

Now, listen here, you- Oof!

SALVATION ARMED FORCES!!!

Do not test me, sir.

I aced hand-to-hand combat training

in Salvation boot camp.

Bet you're not so tough without that bell.

Hello, there! How may I help you?

There's been a mistake.

My car was taken from outside your store today.

Oh, that's impossible. We have received only one donated

vehicle today, and it was not in drivable condition.

That's the one. I need it back.

I'm sorry, sir, all donations are final.

But it wasn't a donation!

I'm sure it makes you feel good

to know that you're helping the needy.

I'm needy! I needy my car! You needy to give it back!

Please calm down.

You're causing a disturbance and upsetting the other customers.

You haven't seen me cause a disturbance, lady. Yet.

Is that a threat?

The alarm bell!

Hey!

Ow! Stop that!

I don't see how I can hope

to win against that kind of military might...

I need backup.

Hello?

We are an occupied- Wait, Elise?

Yes, Dan.

Usually Chris answers the phone.

He's at the store right now, buying a swimsuit.

For our vacation.

He'll have to cancel.

I didn't authorize a vacation.

Luckily, our travel plans don't need authorization from a

barking malcontent.

There's no call for that kind of rudeness.

Look, Dan, we have a lot of preparations to make for our

trip, and I don't want Chris getting wrapped up in

any funny business.

Funny business?! We're an occupied territory!

A foreign army is encamped on our soil!

What foreign army?

The Salvation Armed Forces!

The Salvation Armed Forces are a charity organization.

Don't tell me you've fallen for their thinly-veiled ruse!

"Oh, look, a big wooden horse!

Wouldn't it look great inside our fortified city!"

"Why don't we bring it inside the walls and leave it

unguarded overnight?"

Hello? Hello? You don't hang up on me!

I hang up on you!

Hello?

Some people are so rude.

Hello?

Don't talk to Elise today.

She has obviously lost her mind.

She seemed fine this morning.

Look, are you going to abandon your country in a time of need?

Uh... no?

Exactly. So get over here. They must be stopped.

Elise can be an ostrich if she wants. Not me, pal.

I'm confused. What are we talking about?

Foreign armies! National security!

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Wait. I need a ride.

I'm supposed to be packing for our vacation.

Come on, I'm stuck here! My car's been stolen!

I'd do it for you.

What about last year when my car was stolen,

and you didn't pick me up.

That was different! It was overcast.

That guy knows twelve ways to kill a man with a bell.

Wow, I only know....one.

So you said your car's been stolen?

Yes. By the Salvation Armed Forces.

Really? I thought they helped people.

You are so naive. We need to hurt them, and get my car back.

Uh, yeah. I'd like to help...

And you will.

...but Elise and I are going on vacation,

and there's a lot to do. Sorry.

You are not a good American.

I happen to think I'm a very good American.

Look, just help me figure out how to

infiltrate their organization.

You could go in and buy something.

Like a customer?

Yes, much like a customer.

They're the enemy! I don't want to support them financially.

Can I drop you off at home?

Of course not!

I need to buy a swimsuit.

I don't want to have to rent one again.

I am not getting out of your car until you

figure out how I can infiltrate

the Salvation Armed Forces.

Huh.

What was that? Was that your "I have an idea"

huh or your "I'm hungry again" huh?

I didn't know I had more than one "huh." Huh.

Never mind, what's your big idea?

Trust me.

What's this?

Another charity organization.

So that's your plan. We turn them against each other.

Start a war.... I like it.

Mangled bodies of charity workers

scattered all over the place.

The streets will run red with blood!

The plan is we're gonna buy a chair.

Oh. That's good, too.

Welcome to Greatwill. I guess.

Are you okay?

I just realized that all men are mortal, and I am a man,

and therefore I am mortal. It's like, Pssh.

Pfft. You know?

Yeah, that's... We're looking for a chair.

That chair's, like, fifty dollars.

That's a little more than I wanted to spend.

If this is for my revenge against the

Salvation Armed Forces, price is no object. Now pay him.

Wait, the Salvation Armed Forces? The competition? I hate

those guys. Think they're so cool with those fancy uniforms.

All I get is a blue apron, and I'm a autumn.

They stole my car.

I am going to make them pay.

And apparently I need this chair to do it.

Just take it, dude.

Nothing matters anymore, anyway.

Let's go.

Wait, I need to buy a swimsuit.

No time!

So what's the plan?

Chris, what are you doing? Are you all packed?

Almost. I Just have to finish stitching up this

chair, and call the Salvation Armed Forces to come get it.

Dare I ask why?

It's for Dan. After this I can concentrate on getting

ready for our vacation.

Don't waste too much time helping Dan.

We have a lot to do.

He's not wasting time!

I'm going to go pack.

Sir! Thank you for your generous donation, sir.

No problem.

This old thing was just sitting around.

Ow!

Shhh-! -hould I, uh, help you move it?

It's deceptively heavy. And misanthropic.

That would be great.

Ow.

What was that, sir?

Nothing. Enjoy the Dan. Chair.

The chair's name is Dan.

Goodbye chair.

Ah!

Oof!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Yes, Sir! There were scorpions everywhere!

Did you disinfect the chair?

Oh. Not yet sir.

Come on. Quitting time.

Pthui!

Oh, my back!

I've done it. I'm inside.

That's great. I'm going to bed.

No, wait. I forgot why I'm here. I inhaled a lot of

disinfectant spray, and I'm a little woozy.

You want to find out where they took your car.

Right! I'll call you when it's done.

I'm turning my phone off so I can sleep.

Good night, Dan.

Let's see...

Atrocious!?

That's my girl.

Whoop! Forgot the file.

You can't talk to Captain Chris like that! Walk the plank.

Tell Dan we moved.

What are you doing here?

I've found out where they're keeping my car.

I wanted to let you know.

And you thought the best way to do that was to

prowl around my house in the middle of the night

and tap on my windows?

Your phone was off. Come on,

we've gotta get my car back. Let's go.

You have to get your car back.

I don't see how this involves me at all.

Oh. No problem, I'll explain it to you.

Whose car will I be forced to "borrow" on a regular

basis if I don't have one?

Ted's?

Yours. Extra key, activate!

Hey, give me that!

Ah, ah. Too slow. Too slow for Da-oof!

Stop it! It's mine! Get your own key!

Ah! Was that a scorpion?!

You are stepping on my sternum!

Ha!

Fine, take it. I made lots of copies.

You know, at some point very soon, we are going to have

a talk about boundaries.

Look, I need your help.

The place is just around the corner. Please.

Did you just say "Please"?

No. Shut up.

So where are we going?

Just keep driving east. For a very long time.

You said it was around the corner.

I'm sure it's around a corner.

Man, I've been finding these everywhere.

At least they're non stinging.

Aah! Ow!

Aaaahhhh!

Don't scream! It makes them sting harder! Daaaahhhh!

Dan, do not distract the driver with stinging,

poisonous arachnids!

I can't feel my face.

Trust me, it's still there.

It's like car jail.

Give me a boost.

I don't know... I'm not dressed for illegal activities.

Quit being such a baby.

They don't have much security here, do they?

Found it!

Intruder alert!

Stop right there!

Ah!

Nice doggie-aaaahhh!

Oof!

Again, with the bell.

If you attempt to move,

I will continue to beat you with my bell. Sir.

This isn't over, Salvation Armed Forces.

I'll be back.

As soon as I get out of jail.

When is Elise going to get here? We're on a mission.

Elise probably won't get the message until she wakes up.

I turned our phones off, remember?

And now you see the result of your rash and foolhardy action.

Let this be a lesson to you.

Don't poke me, I'm not in the mood.

So this bothers you?

Get your thumb out of my eye!

Get your eye off of my thumb!

Yeah! That's them, Officer.

So... Burglary, Attempted Grand Theft Auto, Resisting Arrest...

That one's just Dan.

It's not my fault. You make one grab for a cop's gun,

and all of a sudden it's a big deal.

...and one charge of Public Indecency.

That one's me. Rottweiler bit a hole in my nightshirt.

Our flight leaves in six hours.

I know.

Dan, I really can't help you out on this anymore.

You're deserting me?

Don't think of it as deserting.

More like, "a tactical retreat."

How am I supposed to get my car back?

Or get revenge on the Salvation Armed Forces?

Or that Salvation Armed Forces guy who beat me up

with his bell? Twice!

I'm sure you'll think of something.

Okay, here's the plan--

Dan, what did I just say to you?

I don't know. Probably something like

"Mamanamana! I'm big and stupid and I won't help my friend Dan

because I'm"

Goodbye, Dan. See you in a couple of weeks.

Hey, it's you. Did you hurt the Salvation Armed Forces?

Not yet.

Ooh!

Perfect. Gather the troops! We attack in two hours.

What troops?

EVERYONE!

Ah! Hey Everyone!

Thank you all for coming. I do not exaggerate in the slightest

when I say the fate of the world is in our hands.

Our ancient enemies, the Salvation Armed Forces,

have dominated us for too long.

Today, we strike them where it will hurt them the most--

Their donated vehicle program. I'm not going

to lie to you, it could get ugly. The important thing

is, today we strike back. Today, we send a message that despite

their spiffy uniforms and highly trained soldiers, Greatwill

shall be victorious!

Do you even work here?

As my most trusted officer,

I am asking you to deliver this message.

I won't let you down, sir. Wait, what did you want me to do?

I write to you on the eve of battle. Even thrumyurg

betrayed me, with your cowardice and flurgle...

Dan's handwriting is terrible.

"...I forgive you.

Now is not the time for spongiforum or regret.

Yours trungy, Dan."

Who was that?

No one. Hey, I just remembered, I never got that swimsuit.

I'd better run out.

We have to go in an hour.

If we have to reschedule our flight,

I'm checking you as luggage.

Attention!

Who are you supposed to be?

I'm General... Anesthesia. Commander-in-Chief of the

Salvation Armed Forces.

I've never heard of you.

Well, sure, that's because- SCORPIONS!

Ah! Ah!

Oh, calm down, they only sting when you scream.

I can't stop screaming!

The football is in play. The football is in play. Over.

Wait, was that the code?

Yes. Over.

I forgot what that one meant.

It means I've disabled the guard, and you guys can come

out now. Over.

Oh, right. Gotcha.

NO! You don't say "Gotcha." It's "Roger."

Right. Gotcha, Roger.

OH! I hate that guy.

Hey Roger? The radio's still on.

You'll never get away with this.

See? That will trigger an automatic alarm

unless you hit the cutoff button.

Which one's that?

Big red one right there.

I am very disapointed in you.

I'm looking forward to hitting you with my bell again. Sir!

Wait, no! You win. I surrender.

Sorry, General.

Guess you're a POW.

Ow! Stop that!

Guard him. I'm going to chase down those Greatwill punks.

He's the best we've got.

Hey! Ow!

What took you so long?

You sent me a letter. Come on, let's get your car.

Oh, we will. But first...

Okay, now!

You're stealing Rottweilers? What for?

They are very intelligent animals.

You can train them to do pretty much anything.

Sure. Oh, man. I've really gotta go.

I don't want to be luggage!

WHAT?!

Cutting it close, Mister.

I know. So, what kind of swimsuit did you get?

Uh...

Was it the "Helping Dan

get back at the Salvation Armed Forces" kind of swimsuit?

Yes.

It's okay. I got you one yesterday.

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