Original subtitles

No, you shut up!

Shut up!

What are you, stupid?

I said "Shut up!"

Okay. Bye, Grandma.

{knock at the door]

Hey, Dan.

I thought you were ditching me for Elise today.

She's building a code-breaking

supercomputer for the NSA.

To spy on Finland?

I don't think so.

What a waste of time.

Hey, Elise's birthday is coming up.

You got that 20 bucks you owe me?

Make her buy her own present.

Yeah, that's what we did last year,

and you said you would pay me back this time.

You'll have to speak with my attorney.

Dan, this is not a legal matter.

I'm not suing you, I just want my money.

Well then you'll have to speak with my accountant.

Hey, that's a cute bear.

Where'd you get it?

The last time I was at the dentist's,

I had a root canal.

They gave me that bear to make me stop screaming.

It didn't work.

Don't you have to have your permanent teeth before they

can give you a root canal?

That's what I said! But the dentist bamboozled

my parents with this fancy medical jargon.

Tell you what - I'll take this bear,

give it to Elise, and we'll call it even.

No!

Give it back!

Let go! This bear has sentimental value!

This bear is payment of debt!

Aauuughhh!

Dan, your tooth!

You're gonna have to go to the - -

DEEEENNNNTIIIIIST!

Stupid dentist.

He did this on purpose!

What a jerk!

He'll get his.

Right now?

Of course not right now!

I'm in horrible pain!

Okay, but I don't see how this is the dentist's fault.

Obviously he gave me that teddy bear because he knew

this would happen!

He knew that you'd break your tooth on it?

How?

Don't you get it?!

It's part of his plot to keep me coming back!

Decades later?

He's a long term strategist, and he's playing four

dimensional chess, and we're his ball of string.

I think you're mixing up games.

Go fish! I'm in horrible pain!

Well, it worked.

You've got to see a dentist about your tooth.

And play into their hands?

What other option do you have?

We're going to fix it ourselves.

We?

You, mostly.

I can't see inside my own mouth.

I'm not a dentist.

Exactly, so I can trust you.

Kind of.

I'm not putting my hand in your mouth.

You're a biter.

You're helping, so shut up.

Are you sure you want me to use a hot glue gun on your mouth?

For the umpteenth time yes! You're overthinking!

How else are we going to stick this back on?

It says "Not for use on human tissue."

That's just lawyer talk! They have to say that so

nobody does anything stupid.

Now glue my tooth back in my mouth!

Okay...

Glue's ready.

One, two...

I think you melted my face off!

Don't be silly.

You moved before any of the glue came out.

Oh.

Okay.

Well that was a good test run.

Let's do it for real this time.

Where's the tooth?

I swallowed it.

So... how do we...

We wait... and then you'll have to...

Yeah... I don't really want to...

Fine! So we use something else!

You big baby!

Okay, okay!

I'm going to call Elise.

I once saw her perform an emergency tracheotomy with

nothing but her thumbnail and a bendy straw.

Hello

Hey, gorgeous.

Oh, come on!

Stop making kissy-face and help me!

Quiet!

What's up?

Oh, uh...

Just a quick question.

If something breaks, what's the best way to fix it?

Depends.

What's broken?

Hypothetically?

Dan's tooth.

Only we can't find all the pieces anymore.

Of course.

Did she say something disparaging?

Shh!

So, uh, any recommendations?

Yes.

Go to the dentist.

I suggested that.

Dan won't do it.

What's she saying?

She says to go to the dentist.

That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard!

I thought you said she was smart.

Hey!

Shh!

Don't shush me! I'm the victim here!

Shush you!

Uh, he won't go.

And he's usually so logical.

So, maybe we could glue a fake tooth in there or

something?

What is this, the Dark Ages?

Are you going to bleed him with leeches next?

Would leeches help?

Chris!

No leeches?

No leeches!

Fine, fine.

And don't put your fingers in Dan's mouth.

It's filthy in there.

I guess so.

How's your super computer coming?

Almost finished.

I rented us Chainsaw Bloodbath for later.

Oh? I thought we were renting a romantic comedy.

This looked more fun.

Greeeeeaaaaat.

Chainsaw Bloodbath, can't wait.

You should really tell her those movie give you

nightmares.

I know.

So what did she say?

She can't help.

She says you need a dentist.

I knew it! Girls are awful!

I hate everyone!

This ought to do.

Let's glue it in.

It's stuck.

Force it.

Okay.

What are you, psycho?!

You said- Forget it.

I never thought it would come to this...

Drive me to the dentist.

I can't believe you were going to hit me in the face

with a hammer.

Wait... This is a children's dentist's office.

Children have teeth.

That one doesn't.

Look, I go to the dentist every other decade or so.

Last time, I was a kid.

And why are you going to the same dentist?

I thought you hated him.

I do! But he's-! He's all I know.

Hi, Danny, welcome back.

Let's update your forms.

It's Dan.

And I'm a grown man, with grown man needs.

Hey! I'll be over here.

She was cute.

She hates me.

Were you rude to her?

No!

A little.

Only a little?

Wow - that's a big step for you.

You should ask her out.

Absolutely not.

She's in league with the devil, a.k.a. my dentist.

Danny, we're ready for you now.

Call me "Danny" again and you'll be sorrier than

you've ever been in your miserable,

worthless, tooth-scraping life.

Your son is weird.

He really is.

Unhand me wench!

Sir, please quit struggling!

Why, so you can put me under and steal my kidneys?!

I'm not gonna wake up in a bathtub full of ice!

Hello, Danny!

Nice to see you again.

You!

Shall we take a look-see?

You can take a look-see at my fist,

tooth-jacker!

Now, let's just calm down.

I promise I'll only look, okay?

Oh, dear.

Been some time since we've been in for a visit.

How'd you break your tooth?

You know darn well.

It was your trap bear.

Hmm?

Well, let's start with a simple cleaning.

It won't hurt a bit, I promise.

Wait, no!

No!

Get away from me!

AAaauuugghhh!

Oh, my GOODNESS!

Ahhh!

Help!

Chris!

Save me!

Aahhhhhh!

Mommy, I'm scared.

I'm sure he's fine, dear.

Please, just kill me!

Chris! Help!

Chris! Oh, it burns!

It BURNS!

How's it going?

We haven't done anything yet.

Haven't even touched him.

I know what you're planning!

Chris, quick, knock him unconscious!

Hey... you...

wannagoto... amovie... withme?

Was he like that last time?

He was... smaller.

Well, that was the worst experiences in my lifetime

of bad experiences.

You were unconscious for most of it.

I had nightmares the whole time. It was horrible.

I dreamt I was at the Dentist's office getting

my teeth fixed...

At least your tooth is fixed.

Oh, before I forget, the hygienist said you have to

come back next week.

What?!

Yeah, apparently you have a cavity they couldn't fill

before the gas wore off.

Augh!

Now do you see what the dentist does?!

FIX TEETH.

He fixes teeth, Dan.

Every time he fixes something,

he breaks something else!

Like a crooked auto mechanic!

It's how he keeps people coming back!

You haven't been back since you learned how to tie your

shoes!

And now twice in one week!

Don't you think that's suspicious?

Not really.

Well it is!

And I'm going to get him for it.

What's your plan?

We're going to kidnap the Dentist.

Then you're going to hold him down while I drill a

hole in his face.

Wow. I am so not okay with that.

Aw come on! You said you'd help!

Look, I'm watching a movie with Elise in like an hour.

Can I drop you off at home?

Quisling.

If I knew what that meant, would I be offended?

Probably.

Are you sure you're enjoying this?

It's a guy with a chainsaw in an orphanage.

What's not to - WHOA Mama! That's a lot of blood!

What was that?

There's something in the tree!

It's Dan.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Chris?

Chris!

Can I help you, Dan?

No. I need Chris.

Dan! We're watching a movie.

She's watching a movie.

You're shaking like a chihuahua.

Am not!

You were trembling, honey. But it was a very manly

tremble.

Look, I can prove that my dentist is evil.

But I need your help.

You should go.

You weren't enjoying the movie anyway.

Really?

Just don't do anything illegal.

Of course we wouldn't!

Promise?

I promise.

I promised Elise we wouldn't do anything illegal.

Why would you lie to your wife like that?

You said-!

Shh! Come on!

And try not to make any noise.

Shh!

Let me see the toolbox.

Are you going to pry the door open?

Because that might make a lot of noise,

and I'm worried that- .

Okay dan, you can stop now.

That's big enough to crawl through.

Are you done?

Let's go.

You think you broke enough glass, Dan?

Wait.

What are you doing?

Looking for laser beams.

It's why I keep this deodorant around.

You ever think you might have more luck with girls if

you used it on yourself?

Agh!

Stop it!

Huh? Huh?

What?

What do you think the "S.V." stands for?

What do you think it stands for?

Super Villain.

Oh, he's not a super villain, Dan.

You're being ridiculous.

Oh, so you're the expert on super villains now.

Hand me the crowbar.

Or, we could just...

What kind of super villain leaves his door unlocked?

Fine. We'll break it on the way out.

Here we go. My dental records.

Wow, that's some bad handwriting.

It's not handwriting, it's code.

I don't think so.

Ah, ha!

What is it?

Whoa.

It's still in code, though.

Hmmm. I can't crack it.

We need someone smart.

Who's smarter than us?

Sure, no problem.

It'll take about a minute.

Lucky for you the NSA doesn't pick this baby up

until Monday.

Dan, do you have something to say to Elise?

Thank you.

Hmm... It's a record of dental procedures,

but you're right, Dan.

Every time a patient goes in,

The Dentist does something that will force them to come

back.

Look, right here.

Here's where he fixed your tooth,

but here's where he drilled a cavity while you were

under the anesthetic.

I knew it! I knew it!

Now will you help me drill a hole in his face!?

Okay.

Eep!

After him!

Now we've got him!

He's gone!

You're not thinking like a super villain.

He's not a super vill---- I'm sure that's something

all dentists have.

He's getting a---- He's getting a----

He's getting away!

AHHHAHAHAHAHAHOOOWWWWWWW!

He's getting away!

To the carmobile!

I've always wanted to do that!

He's almost to the highway!

Get him!

That's just great.

I can't believe you lost him!

Nice driving.

He's got to be around here somewhere...

Maybe in that giant tooth.

It's a molar.

I bet it's because of the whole "dentist" thing.

You think?

So when do you want to apologize?

Apologize for what?

"He's not a supervillain, Dan.

You're being ridiculous."

That doesn't even sound like me.

He escaped in a supercar and fled

to his desert superfortress.

So? Maybe he's...a...

He's a supervillain.

And?

And you were right and I was wrong.

As we've all come to expect.

Let's go!

Let's go? I just admitted he was a super villain.

This is way out of our league.

We need to call the cops.

The cops don't take my calls anymore.

Besides, we've got this!

There's no door.

No problem.

Dan, watch out!

Dentobots!

Open wide!

The door!

What is this stuff?

It's dental floss!

What's that?

Hit him!

Ow!

That was so stupid.

I am in so much pain right now!

Dan, finish it!

Rinse that out and spit!

Look out!

Stop right there madman!

Try a little Novocaine!

Oh, no.

I'm going numb.

Now you're gonna get it.

Not likely, I'm afraid.

I call this- -The Excruciator!

Did you really think you could stop me with brute force?

I had a feeling about you, Danny.

It's... Dan... I'm... a grown man... with a... grown man's

needs!

While you were under sedation,

I put a device in your dental implant.

I can cause you excruciating agony any time I want.

You... Jerk...

It's one of my many inventions.

I believe you're familiar with my enamel-seeking teddy

bear?

At any rate, I built this base as a test facility for

my latest project.

You see, I want even more than to just cause pain to

countless children.

Chris... Get... Up...

I can't.

I'm all floppy.

My new device, built as the heart of this fortress,

will allow me to control the mind of anyone who's ever

had a filling, crown, root canal, or bridge.

It will be finished tomorrow,

and then I shall rule the world!

And now our little game has come to an end.

For what it's worth, you were the only one to figure

me out.

It's a shame I must destroy you now.

Goodbye, Danny.

The name... is... Dan!

Wha- Aahhh!

Ha!

Brought low by your own nefarious device!

My teeth!

My beautiful teeth!

Noooo!

Self destruct activated. Twenty, nineteen, eighteen, 17,

16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7

You're so heavy!

Sorry.

Have a nice day. Goodbye.

Now that's what I call tooth decay.

Ha.

I can't believe you're making me drive us home.

I still can't move. What if I'm completely

numb for the rest of my life?

Pinch.

Ow.

See? You're getting better buddy.

Hooray.

Hey you.

I rented us another movie.

It's been a rough day. I don't know if I'm up

for Chainsaw Bloodbath 2.

That's what I figured.

You're the greatest.

All my work... for nothing!

Daaaannnnnn!!!