All language subtitles for Taskmaster.S20E10.The.Final.Supping.from.the.Fountain.1080p.ALL4.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-RAWR

Oh, no.

Hello?

This programme contains
strong language and adult humour

Eh...

- Nnh.
- Ah!

Nothing's ever straightforward in
this stupid house.

Eh.

- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
- Hello and welcome

to the Taskmaster
grand final.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, there are some that say
I'm struggling

to write introductions after
20 series,

and to those people, I say this.

I've got a brain for business
and a body for sin.

I give out the points to decide
who will win.

I'm the Taskmaster,
this show's magistrate.

I'm inconsistent cos
of my swollen prostate.

APPLAUSE

Who dare to enter my realm of
tasks?

Three northerners,
a Gen Z and the Sanjeev of Bhasks.

I'll give them all names,
I'll give them all hope,

but my allegiance,
as ever, remains with the Pope.

So, for the last time,

please welcome our five would-be
champions.

Ania Magliano.

Maisie Adam.

Phil Ellis.

Reece Shearsmith.

And Sanjeev Bhaskar.

And next to me,

a man who recently confided in me,
in private,

that he likes
women who fart.

LAUGHTER

It's...little
Alex Horne!

I like all women, I like all women.

- We know each other so well, Greg,
don't we?
- We do.

Let's find out how well you know me,
Greg, with a little quiz.

- Do you want a little quiz?
- Oh, is this your chat section?

- Shut your eyes.
- Ah.

What colour is my hair, Greg?

It's sort of pepper-pot ginger.

Correct. What colour are
my teeth, Greg?

They're sort of an off-white,
apart from one,

which is black and folded in
on itself.

Correct. And what colour are
my eyes, Greg?

Mmm...blue?

No.

They're...they're brown.

You can have a look if you want.

Oh, God.

- Oh.
- You've painted brown eyes
on your lids, that's it?

And that's the springboard
for the grand final?

It's the grand final.

LAUGHTER

OK. What's the prize task category
that we've saved for the final?

Well, the only one it could be,
Greg.

It has grand final written
all over it, as each

of them has brought in their very
best tube.

LAUGHTER

Five important grand-final points
for the best tube,

and five actual tubes for
the episode winner.

Shut up, Alex. Here we go.

All right, then.

Phil.

- Hi.
- Before we go any further,

I would like to say you shouldn't
grow your hair long.

Because there's some glamorous
pirates in this row,

but you look like a man who'd try

and sell me meat out of a bag.

What tube have you brought in?
Is it a good tube?

Uh, it's a good old tube of
lube. Um...

Oh, my God.

I found it in the park. Uh...

I told you that's where we left it.

Ah. That makes... Yeah.

- Yeah.
- This is why it's the best tube,

because you know what kind
of situation you're in with lube.

If you're using it to get in
something, it's a good day.

If...

LAUGHTER

..if you're using it

- to get out of something,
it's a bad day.
- Bad day, yeah.

- I think I've got everything
I need to know.
- Yeah.

- Maisie.
- Um,

I've brought my favourite tube
of pasta, like...

If you've just brought
a tube of pasta in,

then, against all odds,
Phil's not getting one point.

No, no, no.

I've made a tu...but, like,
I've made it into a tube.

- Let's have a look.
- As in the Tube.

With little pasta wheels.

- Yeah, that's good, innit?
- APPLAUSE

I know what you're thinking.

You're going,
"Maisie, it still looks just

"a bit like pasta," which is why

I've painted it to look like
the Tube.

Here we go.

Ah!

It's good. It's good.

- Thank you.
- I've got nothing
sarcastic to say.

I like the tube of the Tube.
Reece?

So, I brought in a test tube

with the
umbilical cord of a werewolf.

Here it is.

- Oh!
- Oh, God.

- You bought that?
- Yeah.

From somebody who told you it was
the umbilical cord of a werewolf?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I knew it wasn't, but I...
It was a display

made lovingly by someone that crafts
this sort of thing.

I thought some bloke up north had
licked a Twiglet,

put it in a test tube,
given it you for 500 quid.

Yeah.

- I've still got my umbilical cord.
- Shut up.

- It's still...it's still attached.
I've still, uh, it's...
- Uh...

- Are you an innie...?
- Oh!

I-I quite often feed myself
through it.

- You don't need to use the mouth.
- Yeah.

Ania, hello.

I've brought in also a test tube,

but I've brought in
a test tube that's,

uh, filled with DNA.

It's DNA that I've harvested
myself.

Alex, perhaps you could show
the photo of me...

- Yes.
- Oh.
- This is Ania harvesting DNA.

- Oh.
- Found a little hair,
haven't you, Ania?

Yeah, I don't know if you recognise
that jacket, Greg.

PHIL CHUCKLES

Oh, no.

I thought it'd be good
to finally

get some closure on
everything that's been going on.

Um, so I sent off your DNA,

alongside some of my DNA,
to the lab...

- Yeah.
- ..and we've just got
some very interesting results.

Here are the DNA results.

The child there, Ania Magliano.

If we zoom in, we can see what
they think.

That's high, that is high.

Hello, Daddy.

- Well, that's, uh,
genuinely unsettling.
- Yeah.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

We'll talk about Christmas later.

Sanjeev.

OK, well, this is my best tube.

This is a tube that
contains stories,

history, but also warnings,
danger, it's extraordinary.

It is a tube,

- like Ania's, of my DNA.
- Yeah.

Here we are.

- I know what it is, I guessed as soon
as you started talking.
- Oh, no.

- For the third time this series...
- Yeah.

- Yes, it's a tube of his...
- Here it is.

Once again.

Why is this piss better than
your previous pisses?

It's fresher.

- OK.
- OK.

Tell me some points, Greg.

I'm very fond of Phil,

but the idea that he's, last minute,
grabbed a tube of lube...

Half a tube of lube.

I can't give him more than one.

I'm sort of disgusted by
the werewolf,

but I like the story behind it.

I'm used to Sanjeev's urine now,

so the novelty's worn off
a little bit,

but I'm gonna give them
three points,

both the werewolf umbilical cord
and Sanjeev's urine.

- Wow.
- Now I think this will
reflect very badly on me.

Please put a tube
of pasta above your daughter.

LAUGHTER

Greg, you've done that for 27 years
already.

I don't know why I'm...
I am gonna give the...

- I'm gonna give my daughter
four points.
- OK.

And I'm gonna give
a woman who's made

a Tube out of pasta five.

Well done, Maisie Adam. Five points.

All right, let's get going.
Let's get to a task proper.

Yes, well what better way
to begin than with

the final team task of the series

and a good old cup of tea or two,
or 14.

DUCKS QUACK

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Ah.
- Fancy meeting you here.

Hello.

- What you doing?
- Hi, Reece.

- What do you want?
- Hi, Maisie.

I want one of you
to turn left into the living room

and one of you right into
the kitchen.

Bothered?

- I'll go in here.
- OK.
- I like a kitchen.

You don't have to, that's the wrong
answer in this day and age.

Oh, yes. Yes.

- Do you wanna swap it just so that
we're...? Yeah.
- Do you want it,

- just so you don't get an article
about ya?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Fair enough.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

Does anyone feel
comfortable being on their own?

I've spent my life on my own,
I'm happy with that.

Decision made.

- Let's go in here.
- OK.

- Right, good luck.
- Good luck.

MAISIE CHUCKLES

- Cups. Tea... Teacups.
- Hmm.

Oh, no, I think I've got more
responsibility in this.

I'm so nervous about letting
Reece down.

- WHISTLE BLOWS
- OK.

"Make exactly the same-looking
drinks as your team-mate's drinks."

"Your team-mate must make exactly

"the same-looking drinks as
your drinks."

"Your entire team may only open
two doors."

May only open two doors.

What does that mean?

Most similar-looking drinks wins.

You have 15 minutes.

Your time starts now.

Wish I hadn't gone on my own now.

I made a terrible decision.

APPLAUSE

Were you really afraid
of letting me down?

Often, Maisie is very worried about
keeping you happy.

She's quite frightened of me.

Cos you're fucking terrifying!

- Let's get going.
- Let's start with
the team of two.

They've been
a true power couple so far.

Let's see how they got on in their
final team task.

- MAISIE RETCHES
- Maisie?

- Hello?
- So, have you got

the same task as me,
it's about making the same drink?

Yeah, have you got seven drinks in
front of you?

Yes, I have.

Of different colours?

- No.
- Oh.

Right, OK. So, you've got
the drinks, probably,

and I have to make the drinks
to make them like your drinks.

- Yes.
- OK, so start with
the first drink on the left.

Like a cranberry juice.

OK, so I'm gonna look in the fridge

for some cranberry juice.

- I'm opening it.
- Uh, yeah.

You've opened one door.

Right, look for any
of these things, Reece.

- Yeah.
- Cranberry juice, tomato soup,

anything that's like
a bright green...

None of those things you've said
so far are in this fridge.

Then it's a cup of coffee,
but it's frothy,

so I think that's like a latte
with milk.

Well, where am I gonna get that
from out of a cupboard?

Well, I don't know. Skip that one.

I'm a bit worried about leaving
a fridge door open so long.

Things will start going off.

Oh, I've set him off now.

You've got, like, teriyaki sauce.

Would that be like a brown drink?

Yeah, that could be the last one.

Bob that in number seven.

- OK, I'm doing it now.
- Keep the doors open.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it's teriyaki,
I've just smelt it.

Oh, well, good. One done.

- So, I've got tomato ketchup.
- Yes, take that out.

Oh, look. Here we are.

Can you hear me?

Yes! Yes, I can hear you.

Hello, Reece.

- Can't hear you?
- Maisie talking.

- Um, what?
- Maisie talking.
- Uh!

- Right, there you are, I've got you.
- Right. I reckon go to a cupboard...

- Oh, God.
- ..and we're looking
for cranberry sauce, tomato soup.

Right, but the problem is, though,
Maisie,

there's about three cupboards
and I don't know which one to pick.

It's literally a guess...
guessing game.

I'm just gonna open one that looks
like it's got things in it.

I'm opening it now.
This could be the end of the game.

It's the end of the game.

What's in there?

I've opened the wrong one, Maisie,

and there's nothing in it apart
from plates.

So, now what we've got is teriyaki
sauce, tomato sauce and some milk.

Is there anything that looks like

tomato sauce
and we'll start with that?

Right, number two,

go 50% tomato sauce,
mix it with

a load of water from the sink.

And then I reckon number one,

put a tiny bit of ketchup in

and then the rest water,
cos it's sort of a clear-ish red.

Oh.

Number five is a cup of tea.

Right, I'll try and do a tea.

What are you making your tea
with, Reece?

Teriyaki and some milk.

It's going to look like tea.

What's number three?

Tea that has just had the bag in,
but nothing else.

Can you do that?

- Ah.
- Right, you've found the tea,
have you, now?

I can do that.
There was tea all along.

The penultimate one, it's like
a frothy coffee.

Maybe just spit in it.

I don't think my spit's bubbly.

You've got one minute left.

OK, right. So, number four,
I'll neck the green,

and then it's just both empty cups,
isn't it?

Do that, that's brilliant.

SHE BURPS

I think we've done it.

WHISTLE BLOWS
That's your time up.

SHE COUGHS
Are you all right, Maisie?

Yeah.

I think it was cucumber.

Ey, you know what?

- Have we done OK? Have we?
- Come
and look. That's not bad, actually.

Oh, Reece, we've smashed it!

- I think that's good.
- That's banging.

- So, which cupboard did you open?
- Oh, it was this one.

- Imagine at this point...
- But you can see through here!

Well, this is what I thought.
It was a trick.

Thank you, team.

I do feel a bit queasy.

I bet you do.

APPLAUSE

See, she's no doormat, really,
is she?

No, not at all.

Although, we did have yet another,
"Oh, I've set him off now."

It's like some abusive, like,
terrible ogre.

You are, though. It is funny.

Like, you opened the fridge,
which Maisie can't see,

and you went, "Oh, none of
the things you've said

"are in this fridge!"

Like it's her fault!

- It's frustration. It comes out
in different ways.
- Yeah.

I mean, they were pretty
good, though.

- Yeah.
- As far as I could see.

Well, considering they opened

a fridge and a cupboard full
of plates.

That's a hell of a start
to this task.

We're off for
a break now,

so that means
you are too.

We'll see you in
a minute.

Welcome back
to Taskmaster.

It's the final,
and we're

in the middle of
a final team task.

Whoa, you've gotta be
kidding me!

Yes, the...
LAUGHTER

..the task is to make exactly

the same-looking drinks in
the kitchen

as the drinks in
the living room.

The entire team may only open
two doors.

Most similar-looking drinks wins.

Now, for the final time, it's Ania,
Phil and Sanjeev.

Phil?

Bear with me.

The first one has no flavour,

but it's warm.

It's about the same heat as urine.
Fresh.

Oh, wait a minute...

..I could just open this door,
couldn't I?

I think one of our doors might
have to be the fridge door.

Oh, that's cle... I was, yeah,

I'm really glad I didn't just open
the cupboard behind me now.

Yeah, don't do anything.

Oh, dear. Um...

Oh, God. I'm scared.

I don't like leaving
him unattended.

Oh, wait a minute.

Why don't you just bring them here,

and I'll just pour mine into yours?

What if we pour exactly half?

Yeah, we can do that.

That's easy then, innit?

Ha-ha! Suckers!

LAUGHTER

Oh!

Looks like he's having
some trouble.

One door open.

We're opening our second door.

- Yeah.
- You may open no more doors.

How much time have we got
left, Alex?

- Seven minutes.
- Seven minutes. Ooh.

What about that?

- Oh, yeah that's good.
- Oh, good.

Well, let's see how much is in
each one with that.

You've got a little bit
of dribble on your rim there.

- If you want to be pedantic.
- On the urine.

You see what I mean,
it's the same warmth, isn't it?

Oh, it is, actually.

- It's like when you give a medical
sample.
- Yeah, yeah.

I got a text the other day asking
for my stool sample. And, uh...

- No, just stop there.
- It was just
a good text, we'll leave it at that.

That's really good.
What we've done is amazing.

There's a minute left
but you can leave at any point.

OK.

Are you just doing the washing up
now?

- I am.
- That's nice.
- Ten seconds left.

- WHISTLE BLOWS
Task is over.
- Thanks... Oh.

- Thank you, team.
- Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

Go team!

Before the VT started, I wrote down,
"Not to be negative,

"but I predict Phil will be shit
at this."

And then,
within seconds, Ania said,

"I don't like leaving
him unattended."

- Unattended.
- I don't.

- But he had a brilliant idea.
- Yeah.

Just whip across, pour them in.

- Yeah.
- It was just, uh, a work of
genius.

Are you sure that was me?

It was you.

I think so. We didn't see
that coming as well.

I didn't see that as
a possible solution.

Very frustrating.

And, by the end of the task,

- it was just a lovely family
dynamic.
- Yeah.

Dad did the washing up while
the two...

..the two kids talked about wee
and poo.

I really feel like you're
the father who left me

and Sanjeev is the father who
raised me.

LAUGHTER

Really good.
Both teams were great,

but, obviously, the team of three...

- Yeah.
- ..knocked it out of the park.

Although, I would say nearly all
of them were fantastic.

- Oh, for f...
- Oh.
- Ooh.

- What?
- Well, I couldn't help but notice...

Oh, don't do this.

- ..this.
- What?

Um...

Straw, straw.

There must be a straw here.

AUDIENCE GASP

Oh!

Suddenly, this daddy's looking
a bit more attractive, isn't he?

- Oh, my God.
- Was it just me?

- Oh, just you, yeah.
- No-one else opened a door, Sanjeev.

- Oh, my.
- Oh, OK.
- Yeah.

I told you to watch him,

you know he doesn't know what's
going on half the time.

- LAUGHTER
- So, what happens now?

You're disqualified, I'm afraid.

All of us?

Ooh.

- Team of three, yeah.
- Oh, my God.

- Yes, Reece!
- Yes.

It's a tragedy, yeah,

and it's really unfortunate.

But accidents happen

and that's the nature of
the team task.

Sanjeev doesn't look that bothered.

Couldn't give a shit!

Sanjeev!

You have an OBE,
some of us need this.

This is gonna go on my gravestone.

- There you go.
- So, the scores are
zero for the team of three

and five for the team of two.

- I'm afraid so.
- Well done, Maisie.
Well done, Reece.
- Wow.

Sorry. Sorry.

Can't be helped. Scoreboard, please.

Yes, well, in terms of
the series,

there's only one point
separating the top two players.

- Ah!
- Ooh.

- And all five are still fairly close.
It's exciting.
- Oh.

In this episode, Maisie's in
the lead with ten.

Right. Next!

It's time to make this final suck...

..in a good way!

- Hello.
- Maisie.

Great to see you.

- Nice to see you.
- We get on well, don't we?

For legal reasons, yes.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Why haven't I got an envelope
with some wax on it?

- Ran out.
- Right.

"Drink almost all the apple juice."

"You must not touch the cup

"and the cup must not move."

"Fastest wins.
Your time starts now."

"Pythagoras, hands off."
That's a clue.

Now, if my geography serves me
correctly, Pythagoras is

a pretty cool island,

very rich in iron ore.

Think we're gonna smash it.

APPLAUSE

Well, I mean, I won't pretend that
I got it,

but it's a clue, right?
The mug is a clue.

Hmm, yes. The Pythagoras mug.

First up to slurp nearly all

the apple juice, it's my favourite
musical artists,

Enya and Jay-Z.

Here we go.

Well, I don't think I should lick it
up like a cat.

I need a straw, essentially.
I can move.

Is there a straw anywhere?

Oh.

Underneath.
There's a straw in there.

Is that a straw, under there?

I've not looked.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ah.

Fucking hell.

I can't do it.

LAUGHTER

Ooh!

Ah.

I've got apple in me ear.

Oh... Oh, it's really in there.

SHE SPLUTTERS

SHE LAUGHS

It's gone. Oh, it's still there?

I don't think you've drunk almost
all of it yet.

Oh, you want me
to lick it out of the litter tray?

This is degrading now.

SHE SIGHS

Hang on, I can touch that, though,
can't I?

"Must not touch the cup
and the cup..." Ah, yeah, fine.

Oh, there we go.

It does look like I'm drinking
cat litter wee.

I've stopped the clock.

Bossed it.

- A bit in the ear, but no problem.
Most of it in my mouth.
- Yeah.

JUICE SWISHES IN EAR
Oh, yeah.

Listen to that.

We've done all right, there.

You know,
not a lot of dignity there,

but they seemed fast.

They didn't really use
the Pythagoras clue.

Well, look, it's a confusing task,
there's no doubt about that.

What that thing is is
a special Pythagoras cup.

If you fill it over a certain level,
it suddenly syphons down.

If you suck from the bottom,
it suddenly plunges forth.

But you lapped it up like cats.

I wonder if Phil's gonna make
this easy.

Now, as advised by several
professional people, we have put

Phil all by himself. Here we go.

Oh, God.

Right, that's not a cup.

That is a cup.

- That...I think that's
apple juice.
- OK.

I can't...I haven't any got sense
of smell,

I got hit by a football when
I was nine.

What's this? Why is that there?

That's nothing. That was
a mislead.

I don't think...

I think I'm missing something.

Can I leave the room?

All the information's on the table.

"Fastest wins. Your time starts..."
Oh, I could've just left the room.

OK. What are you gonna get?

Well, weirdly, I was thinking tissue
and then soak it up

and squirt it in my mouth,
but maybe just a straw.

Well, look, the clock's ticking.

Is there any straws?

Why is there never anything
you need?

I'm gonna smash this.

I panicked.
Don't know why I've got the funnel.

- What is that?
- This looks like
it's used to...

..give a...give a cow a child.

I've never seen it before.

Oh.

Almost all. That's almost.

What did it have to do with him?

Have you finished?

Almost.

I've stopped the clock.
Well done, Phil.

It's like watching

a deleted scene from
Oliver, sometimes.

Just this urchin looking round

a posh house,
not understanding anything.

I've had so many insights over

the last few weeks into
your childhood.

You can't smell cos you got hit
in the head by a football?

- Yeah.
- Can you not smell at all?

- No.
- OK.

Although I smell five points afoot.

Did he get it down him, the juice?

Yes, he drunk nearly all of it.
The times so far...

Ania, one minute 39.

Maisie, two minutes 13.

Phil, 14 minutes 55.

Oh, fuck.

OK. That's halfway through
this grand final.

Be brave,
be strong...

Be-eee go-oood.

Hello!

Oh, hello, everyone.

Welcome to the third
part of our final

and a task involving
the consumption of apple juice.

Ooh, yeah. Big time, seriously.

And we end with two Goliaths from

the world of celebrity
juice-drinking,

Reece and Sanjeev.

OK. So... Well, the theory
of Py...Pythagoras,

I think, is something about
displacement, isn't it?

If I pour water into there,

more diluted apple juice will...

..pour out

and I could start trying
to drink it.

OK.

What?

LAUGHTER

Ah!

- It's gone.
- Have you drunk almost all of it?

Almost all, but there's a bit left.

I've stopped the clock.

I guess I didn't need to do
the thing of leaning under it

and dr...supping from
the fountain, did I?

No.

But I did.

- There you go.
- Is that almost all?

- It's almost all.
- Do you know what just happened?

It's the...it's Bernoulli's theorem.

It's about displacement.
And water pressure, yeah.

How are we spelling Bernoulli?

However you like.
It's exactly how it, uh, sounds.

Bernoulli's theorem.

Um, can I have a wee now?

- Yeah, I need one too.
- Excellent.

CHEERING

Count...countless
television appearances.

What a career. And now this.

Dr Displacement.

That was textbook.

Sanjeev was completely correct.

It is the Bernoulli principle.
I'd never heard of it, he had.

You must be more excited about this
victory than...

No, I don't know if I've opened
a bloody cupboard door, mate!

I'll tell you now, you're safe.

- Am I?
- Yeah.

I'm still feeling bad about
the cupboard door,

- for these guys.
- Aw.

Reece... Again, knew about
displacement.

- Yeah.
- And then, as soon as

the stream started,
complete breakdown.

Yeah.

I just went straight mouth
to stream and was sucking on it.

I really enjoyed it, though. Uh...

Yeah.

- It was quite...
- Like a robot had malfunctioned.

Exactly. I'm just glad
that I then

did think to drink it from the bowl.

- So, good.
- Yeah.
- Well, we know who's won.

So, Phil, yes, one point.

You were 15 minutes, almost.

Maisie, two minutes 13.

Reece, you were two minutes ten. Just
three seconds quicker than Maisie.

Oh, Reece.

Ania, we know. One minute 39.

Sanjeev,

45 seconds!

CHEERING

Dr Displacement has struck.

- Ah!
- Ay!

LAUGHTER

I can barely bring
myself to ask,

but please may we have
the last task?

It's sad, but it's also
exciting, because,

and get ready, this one involves
the word

whence.

- Whence.
- Ooh.

- Ooh.
- You like that?

Yeah.

- It's just floating there.
- Yes.

- What?
- Oh, this is good.

"Make water squirt out of you in
a surprising way."

"In 15 minutes, Alex will guess

"whence the water will squirt."

- Whence.
- Whence.
- Whence.

I think I know what whence means,
but I'm not sure.

"For every incorrect guess,
you may squirt him

"for one second at the end of
the task."

"Longest time squirting Alex wins."

That shouldn't even be a sentence.

"Your time starts now."

Magic.

APPLAUSE

What's going on with you?

Ever since you got your new laptop,
it's all...

- It's so fast.
- ..it's all weird sexy
stuff, isn't it?

I've seen...
I've seen so much recently.

All right. Let's see Alex
using the show to get his kicks.

Yes, please. We're starting
with Ania's pipes

and Reece's pieces.

I can see pipes,
I can see tubes.

I'm gonna make my first guess.

I think the water is gonna come out
of the chest tube.

Wrong? That's one second
of squirting.

Did you enjoy "chest tube"?

SHE LAUGHS

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

- How you doing?
- I'm all right. How are you doing?

I'm good, yeah.

So, I think the water is gonna squirt
out of the mouth tube.

OK. Reece.

Yeah.

Are you gonna squirt me from
your nose?

No.

- Out of the elbow pipe?
- No.

Are you gonna squirt me from
your groin?

Well, let's see, shall we?

- No.
- Nothing coming?
- Nothing.

Actually there was a bit, but no.

I'm going with right trouser leg
tube, please.

- Negative.
- I can't help but notice there is

- a hose going out of this
and over there?
- Yes.

You know what? I'm gonna follow...
I'm gonna follow the hose.

- OK, yeah.
- I've got to follow
the hose.
- Follow the hose.

It goes in there. So, it goes up,
it goes...

I'm not sure you can dismantle me.

Put that back in. That might be part
of something. Thank you.

Right, so the hose is a red herring.

Well, could be.

Well, it is.
I've just pulled it out.

This is good,
the tables have turned.

I've given you all
the information.

LAUGHTER

Your time has started.

- I'm going round the back.
- There's still some more on

the front that you haven't
seen, even.

- Um, I am going round the back.
- OK.

Ah, yeah. Hello.

Ania, is the water gonna squirt
out of the back of your head?

Yes.

Well, it's gonna do that
for eight seconds.

- Yeah.
- So, well done, you.
- Thank you.

Is it gonna come out of your foot?

HE SIGHS

You've got it.

Yeah.
Thank you very much.

Another terrifying character...

- Yes.
- ..to add.

Well, it was all about the ruses
and the pipes that led to nothing.

- Yeah.
- That was what you had to...

And yet, for the vast majority
of it,

I just couldn't take my eyes
off the nose.

Yes. It was quite dominant,
wasn't it? Yeah.

How many seconds
of squirting did he gain himself?

- It took 14 guesses to find
the tube.
- Wow.

And eight guesses, of course,
with Ania,

- after I...
- Ania.
- ..asked permission
to go round the back.

Yes.

Making something that wasn't
creepy so creepy.

Who's next?

It's now time for
the cheesy guys,

Phil-adelphia Ellis
and Maisie Edam.

Oh.

Hello.

I see.

Well, let's start
with this guy.

What's that one the, uh...?

Little yellow thigh one.

Yellow thigh?

Mm-hm.

No.

- Hi.
- Hi, Phil.

You all right? It's funny when
you walk into a situation.

- I like it.
- Mm, I don't.

Quite a lot of,
uh, ends of hoses.

Well, you never know,
do you? You never know with a hose.

It looks like that's where it goes,
the hose.

The hose goes where
my rosemary grows.

Is that where your rosemary grows?

Yeah, it tastes rank.

- Head tube.
- Think it's the head tube?

No dice, baby.

Let's go for a fish.

- A fish?
- This fish.

- My sternum fish?
- Mm-hm.

No.

- Penguin.
- On the head?
- Yes.

No.

Right shoulder.

Wrong shoulder, baby.

- This one.
- That's another guess.

I'm just gonna check round the back.

Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

I'd like to put my hand in there.

I'd like you to.

- Right wrist.
- No.

- Left wrist.
- No.

- Can I have a delve?
- It's a welcome mat. Crack on.

I just want to see if it's going up
or down.

I don't know if you're allowed...

That was my penis.

- Right elbow.
- No.

- Left elbow.
- No.

Racking them seconds up, Alex.

- 25... 39, 40, 41.
- Yeah.
- ..27, 28, 29.

I mean, I can see that some

of these aren't going anywhere.
30, 31, 32, 33, 34.

Quick check round the back.

I...

Maisie, are you going to squirt
me out of your arse?

Yeah.

OK. 21 seconds of squirting...

21 seconds?

Yeah.

I can see a crease in your
left boot.

Oh, hello. We've got a winner.

- So...
- 45 seconds.

45 seconds?

I don't think I feel comfortable
wasting that much water.

There's been a few tasks

in this series where
Maisie looked incredibly pleased

with herself and smug,
and it's always ended in disaster.

- But that time, well deserved.
- Yep.

Pleased with herself throughout,

and then delighted that she's gonna
squirt you from her arse.

And as for the porcupine poet
of squirting...

- Similar tactic, to cover himself
in stuff.
- Yeah.

And some lovely messages for
the kids, there.

"Are you gonna put your hand
in there?"

"I'd like to." "I'd like you to."

That's consent.

APPLAUSE

Just one more small part left.

Who will squirt Alex for
the longest?

Who will win the trophy?

And who will take
home the last

and, I imagine,
the strongest

of Sanjeev's
urine samples?

Stay tuned.

Hello. Here we are then,

the last part of
our final

and our 20th
adventure together,

my little friend.

SYNTH BEAT PLAYS

- We got it together, didn't we,
babe?
- We got it together.

Finally.

LAUGHTER

Here we go, then. Just one more
person for me

to guess from whence
the water will come.

And it is Sanjeev Bhaskar like
you've never seen him before.

Hi, Sanjeev.

OK.

Sanjeev, my first guess, are you
gonna squirt me from your mouth?

Are you gonna squirt me out of
your sort of eyes?

Are you gonna squirt me
out of your bosoms?

From your tummy?

Can I see your hands?

Right, well...
OK, so...

You've got lots of water balloons
on your...strapped to your chest.

Are you gonna squirt me from
your chest area?

From your legs?

From your behind?

Armpits?

Flanks?

Flanks?

Flanks.

No.

Would you mind opening up
a little bit more for me?

Right.

Are you going to squirt me
from your crotch?

Feet? Ears? Hands?

Knees? Neck? Shins?

Nape? From your hips?
Top of the head?

Lower back? Shoulders? Tummy button?

Nostrils? Forehead?

That is all of you.

Are you gonna squirt me?

From your body?

From here to here?

This side of you? Right, OK.

OK. Elbow?

You're gonna squirt me from
your elbow?

Whew, OK.

You're... Oh.

Flanks? Flanks?

I would add another 20 minutes onto
that for your sheer desperation.

Another character that will
endure, I'm sure.

Who was that man of mystery?

Flanks.

Flanks?

He was so upset by me
suggesting flanks.

I just think, generally, they're
irritated by you this series.

Yeah. I agree with that.

You didn't stand a chance.

Yeah, there were 29 guesses.
So, it's another nearly

half a minute of squirting I'm gonna
have in a second.

Points-wise, Ania,
just the one point.

It's two to Reece
with his 14 questions,

three to Maisie,
four to Sanjeev.

But Phil, with his 45 questions,
five points.

Here they are, then.
Your class of series 20

simply squirting.

Water on, please.

LAUGHTER

Squirt.

This is the best fun I've had yet.

Four, five, six, seven,

eight, nine, ten, 11, 12, 13...

APPLAUSE

You keep on aiming for the face.

I'm trying to open
my eyes to look at my watch.

No. You're not allowed.

Three seconds left.

- I'm happy with that.
- Mm.

Thank you very much, Sanjeev.

Thank you for squirting me
for 29 seconds.

Triumph.

Did you piss yourself?

I didn't piss myself, Ania.

I'm 46.

Finally. That's another one off
the bucket list.

Now all I've got to do is marry
a swan.

I need length!

It's difficult to know who enjoyed
it the most, isn't it, really?

All my dreams came true.

But the...the targeted crotch
squirting from Reece was good.

But facially, the person
enjoying it most,

was you.

You looked like a 12-year-old.

- Oh.
- She was so accurate.

- All so great.
- So satisfying.

Hmm.

Series-wise, there is still just
one point in it at the top.

- Oh.
- What?
- Oh.
Ooh.

OK, everyone,
I'm afraid it's time for you all

to make your way to the stage

for the final task of the series.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What a lovely collection
of final pirates.

Who's gonna read the task out?

I think Reece is gonna read
the final task.

A correspondence.

"Respond to the Taskmaster
correctly.

"When he says wibble,
you say bibble.

"When he says bibble,
you say bam.

"When he says bam,
you say wibble bibble bam.

"If you dither or err,
you are eliminated.

"Last player standing wins."

So, Greg will look at one of you,

and that's who he's talking to.

You must respond correctly
and quickly.

If there's too much of
a pause, you will be eliminated.

If you make a mistake, you're out

and you have to sit on
the elimination bench over there.

- Wibble bam.
- I will blow
the whistle if there's a mistake.

Wibble bibble bam.

Here we go.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Wibble.
- Bam.

- WHISTLE BLOWS
- Fuck.

APPLAUSE

It's always bibble after wibble.

That is cruel.

Now there are four.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

Bam.

Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

Bibble.

Bib...bam.

WHISTLE BLOWS
AUDIENCE: Oh!

Unlucky.

That was impressive, really.

What a terrible day for feminism.

LAUGHTER

Silence!

Wenches on the benches.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Wibble.

- W-w-wait a second.
- I went wrong.

- We've lost Reece.
- Oh.
- He said,
"Bibble," he said, "Wibble."

- Oh, he's gone.
- That's not right,
surely.

I protest, Your Majesty!

APPLAUSE

- This is the final.
- Here we go.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Wibble.
- Bibble.

- Bibble.
- Bam.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bam.
- Wibble bibble bam.

- Bibble.
- Wibble.

- Wibble.
- WHISTLE BLOWS

- Oh!
- Oh!

Aye, yay!

You soft-haired lovely.

Congratulations.

We'll add that to the final scores.
Come down and join me!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

- Whoo.
- Oh.

What a climax to the series.

I was genuinely shaking afterwards.

Yeah, but well done. Five points,
of course, to Phil Ellis.

CHEERING

And so, we'll deal with
the episode first, I imagine.

Of course. It means that in
joint second,

with 16 points,

it's Reece and Sanjeev.

But the winner...

..with 17 points,

it's Maisie Adam!

Maisie Adam wins the episode.

Please stroll up to the stage
to be triumphant with your tubes.

CHEERING

Whoo!

Ra-aaa-ah!

Hello, my friends.

The crowning of
a new Taskmaster champion is

a historic event which we celebrate
just twice a year.

That's right, quite often.

But it remains of great
significance,

and so, now, I call upon
my administrator, Alex.

- Mm.
- Just how close was this?

I must tell you that in fifth place,

but just a handful of points away
from the others...

..one of my all-time heroes,
it's Sanjeev Bhaskar

with 143 points.

Just five points ahead of Sanjeev,
with 148 points...

..another of my heroes,
it's Reece Shearsmith.

And only a few points above that,
with 151 points,

it's Phil Ellis...

..and Maisie Adam...

We both came second.

..and Ania Magliano!

- What?
- We all got joint?

- What?
- Joint?
- Joint first.
- Are we joint?

We've joint won?

It's never happened before.

It is a series tie-break.

A three-way.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yes, it's the most important
tie-break in the world.

We want you to think back

and tell us how many letter
T's are there

in the portrait of me
and Greg in the living room?

- Oh.
- Are you fucking joking?
- Come on.

Closest wins.

You're gonna have some cards
to write down your answers.

What do you mean, T's?

The letter T. There are...

As in it's actually written down?

There were letter T's on
the picture

the whole time you
were there.

They were hidden within
the painting.

And what, uh,
roughly how many is it?

Write down a number,
nice and clear,

and then keep it to yourself.

Philip?

How many T's were
hidden in the painting?

Maisie?

Ania?

Here is the picture.

You can see a T here,

here,

here on my dungarees.

Oh.

- Here on the doorbell.
- Oh.

And that is all the T's.
There are four T's.

We have a winner!

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, wow.

The new Taskmaster champion

- is Maisie Adam!
- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media