Original subtitles

He 's ahead of the field, blazin9 in. Lakers by seven!

This is Marv Albert from The Forum in LA.

And the Knicks in bi9 troublc as they movc to the lront court.

Goin9 lrom ri9ht to left Cummin9s takes the one-bounce.

A flip lor Kin9. lt's batted away! Ma9ic Johnson on the steal!

He's down the left side and 9ocs bascline! He 's trapped! Throws back out.

To Worthy. A head-fake, now the jumper. lt is 9ood!

Only 10 scconds lcft. The Lakcrs are buryin9 the Knicks!

The Knicks have comc back from the dead beforc, but not toni9ht!

2L-1 6, Tack 2.

Come in, 2L-16.

Respond, 2L-16.

Ser9eant Leary says to remind you, you owc him 50 bucks on toni9ht's 9ame.

And that he'd be happy to take your money on the Knicks any time.

Come on !

Give it to him !

Where is it?

Give me what's mine, you understand?

It's mine and I want it now!

Look at this! Look what I found , huh? This is mine, baby.

Freeze!

AII right, hands out of your pockets, away from your body.

Suck wall!

Get your feet back. Back! And spread them!

All right, wider! l said wider!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself, picking on a guy half your size.

- Nice shot, kid! - Good shot, Joey.

Hit him !

Don't move.

Don't even breathe.

We have come to mourn and honor not only the passing of a friend ,

but of a fine police officer.

An officer who was an example to us all.

Samuel Edward Makin died as he Iived,

defending the American way.

That is why I feel more pride than sorrow.

For Samuel Makin made the ultimate sacrifice.

He did so willingly,

and no man can hope to do more.

His body may be returned to the earfh,

but his spirit will Iive forever.

We, your fellow officers,

salute you, Sam .

Your duty done, may you rest in peace.

Ready,

aim, fire!

I was shaving you .

Where am I?

Now don't worry. Everything's going to be just fine.

That's not me!

What the hell have you done to me?

We did some work on you .

Just your face. Thank you, N urse.

You'd better have had a damn good reason .

We did.

You were ugly.

Who's we?

You've been recruited by an organization that doesn't exist.

Sam Makin is dead, pal.

Some nasty man shoved him and his police cruiser into the East River.

Yeah , well, I'm a pretty healthy corpse.

The operative word is "corpse."

You've got a new face, new fingerprints, even a new name.

Williams.

Remo Williams.

A lot of thought went into it.

We needed someone, and you were the best we could find.

Decorated cop, ex-Marine, no family, no commitments.

If I'm the best you can find , you're in pretty deep shit, pal .

Who the hell are you, anyway? FBI? CIA? Salvation Army?

Who we are, are the people who got you by the balls, Remo.

Besides, we need you.

Our cops are corrupt, our judges bought, our politicians up for sale.

Everywhere you Iook, slime is on the Ioose.

You're going to be the EIeventh Commandment.

"Thou shalt not get away with it."

You're the guy that set me up in that warehouse, ain't you?

Nice job.

The name's MacCIeary. We'Il get to know each other.

Enjoy the fruit, Remo.

"Remo."

Jeez!

There you go, Mr. Mossler.

Soon you're gonna be as snug as a Iittle old bug in a rug .

Where the hell are you going with my ambulance?

Turn Ieft at the next intersection,

Remo.

Don't get any cute ideas, Remo.

"National Bank"?

What, are you opening an account for me? Let's go.

What do these things do?

Keep track of your wardrobe?

I thought they figured out a way to make those things smaller.

These are the smaller ones.

- Come in, Mr. . . - Williams, Remo Williams.

Good evening, Mr. Williams.

I'm Harold Smith . I'm the head of the organization that just recruited you .

You call dumping me in the river and reshuffling my face recruitment?

Yep. It works. Sit down .

Come on, my boy.

I know your ribs are hurfing like a son of a bitch .

Now sit down a minute. Make yourself comforfable.

I'Il tell you a Iittle bit about the way we work here.

Yeah , I've seen how you work.

You run black-bag operations, you kidnap people.

You beat the shit out of them, and nobody holds you accountable.

We're accountable, Mr. Williams.

- Let me guess. To the President. - Yep.

And five of them before him . I've Iost track. I don't even vote anymore.

Sorry to disappoint you . I'm voting with my feet.

Now you want to sit down?

I'm only going to say this once.

This is a wonderful country, my boy,

but our legal system doesn't work the way it's supposed to.

I'm talking about people who roam the halls of power with impunity.

Who corrupt and subverf the very principles

our constitution exists to uphold .

Look, your friend already gave me the Gettysburg Address.

Has he?

Here's another one.

"Guard , protect and cherish your Iand ,"

"for there is no afterlife for a place that starfed out as Heaven ."

Charles M . Russell, Montana, 1 926.

1 926?

That's ancient history, Dad.

The computer said you were a smarf ass. And you never heard of computer error?

Not this one.

Take a Iook at that innocent Iittle box, my boy.

It's hooked to all those computers you saw downstairs.

And every scrap of processed information in the United States comes through here.

If it's out there, I can find it.

It helps us keep track of the bad guys.

Hell, I can find out the temperature of your ass in that chair,

if I really want to know.

But it won't do everything.

And that's why we got you here, Mr. Williams.

You're going to help remove some of the filth in there.

I Iike that. That's nice.

It's a lot nicer than "kill," or "destroy," or "terminate with extreme prejudice."

I mean , that's what you're really talking about, now, isn't it?

I think he's got it, Mr. Smith.

That's exactly what we're talking about, Mr. Williams.

Suppose l say no?

Then you're a dead son of a bitch .

And we already got a coffin .

How big is this organization?

Just the three of us.

Mac here will get you cleaned up and briefed .

You starf work Monday night, Mr. Williams.

Here we are.

N ice pad, huh, Remo?

First hit. No big deal. You'II get used to it.

Nothing Iike throwing in a man at the deep end .

What's this guy done that's so special?

Come on, Remo, we run on a need-to-know basis. You know that.

Don't take any chances. This guy's a killer.

Remember,

in , out, like a duck mating .

- Where are you gonna be? - Right behind you .

How do you open this?

Speak English?

Does a nightingale sing?

Yeah ...

- How do you get out of here? - The same way you came in.

No good .

There's a guy outside who wants me to knock off your boss.

I am here alone.

There is no one upstairs.

Okay, now Iook, Iet's not make any trouble for each other.

AIl I wanna do is to get out of here.

It is too late for that.

Hold it! I don't want to kill you, but l will if I have to.

I'II show you chop-socky, you sawed-off Iittle runt.

Chiun , what do you think?

He is very slow.

His reflexes are pitiful.

Poorly coordinated .

He is in wretched physical condition .

Impetuous.

And clumsy.

He moves Iike a baboon with two club feet.

However, there is a feeble glint of promise in his eyes.

I think I can do something with him .

Good.

Geor9c S. Grove.

Born Albany, New York, May 10, 1933.

BA, Electrical Fn9ineerin9, Parkson Colle9e.

Served two tours, supply scr9eant, Korean conflict.

In 1962, foundcd Grove Industries,

Advanced Weapons Technolo9y.

Current projects: Co-18 surfacc-to-air missile.

HARP Hi9h Altitude Reconnaissance Probe.

Prototype lor thc star Wars pro9ram.

Invcsti9ation, corporate tax cvasion, 1979.

No char9es filed.

1981. Suspected bribery.

Procurement, delcnse contracts.

After thc disappearance of lnvcsti9atin9 Officcr Murray Benton,

no char9es filed.

Therc wcre three witnesses alle9ed to have secn thc murder of Bcnton.

No char9es werc filed lor lack of cvidence.

They disappeared, too.

If thc company can 't 9et anythin9 on Grovc, then you know he 's 9ood.

All I can promise you is terror for breakfast,

pressure for lunch and aggravation for sleep.

Your vacations will be two minutes

when you're not looking over your shoulder.

And if you live to draw a pension, it'II be a miracle.

Are there any disadvantages?

Hell, I'm Iucky I've Iasted this long .

Tell me something, MacCIeary.

- Can you dodge bullets? - Nowadays, only if they come real slow.

Do I really have to live with him?

Chiun's probably not crazy about the idea either.

He says you smell Iike hamburgers.

Top floor.

See you .

MacCIeary.

If this turns out to be another set up,

you're not gonna Iive to collect that pension .

I personally guarantee it.

Didn't I tell you, we don't use that bang-bang stuff.

Your mind and your body become your weapon .

That's what your new pal Chiun is going to teach you .

Okay, so you caught me with a couple of Iucky shots.

But I got to hand it to you, that bullet-dodging number wasn't bad .

I Iike the little thing you did with the gun .

You move Iike a pregnant yak.

Sit.

- Breathe. - Breathe?

- Come on, you got to. . . - Silence!

The fool chatters but it is the wise man that Iistens.

Breathe.

All right, now wait a minute.

Is this gonna be the kind of training where we sit around for 1 0 years,

and you tell me I'm big enough to break a brick with my big toe?

You have come into the care of Chiun ,

Master of Sinanju .

Sinanju is a village in Korea, where all the fighting arfs were born .

Kung fu , karate, ninjitsu.

They are all but shadows.

Sinanju is the sun.

Most intelligent people know this already.

But it is apparent to me that you know less than nothing. Pay attention .

You did not ask to be white, so perhaps that is not your fault.

You did not ask to be here.

Perhaps that is not your fault, either. So let us make this pact.

I will train you for your first service.

And then, I will return to my country.

Pressure. Nerve ends.

Sinanju .

Technique developed since the birfh of time

by the most gifted race on Earfh .

You always talk like a Chinese forfune cookie?

Chinese!

The Korean is the most perfect creature

ever to sanctify the earfh with the imprint of his foot.

- Now we will breathe. - Breathe.

Breathe out,

slowly.

Do not gulp.

If you do not breathe correctly, you do not move correctly.

Pitiful.

I can see the deadly hamburger has done its evil work.

We must sweat the poison from your body,

and rebuild from the inside.

Now, we will proceed to Iesson number two.

Follow, please.

What are you waiting for? Applause?

Midtown . 44th Street.

You are afraid .

Fear is nothing more than a feeling .

You feel hot, you feel hungry, you feel angry, you feel afraid .

Fear can never kill you .

Purge your mind of fear and believe in yourself.

Without that belief, I can do nothing with you.

Now we will do it again .

But faster.

Grove Hi9h Altitudc Reconnaissance Probe.

Pro9ram ori9inally projected:$758 million.

Final assembly ol prototype: $936 million.

Fstimated cost at time ol commission:$1.22 billion.

These li9ures are in 1983 dollars.

The prototype...

Currently, our friend Grove is playin9 the D. C. charity circuit.

Bi9 donor.

He 's also bi9 with the Star Wars crowd. And he ou9ht to be.

Half ol them arc on his payroll.

He 's 9ood. Real 9ood.

- No more Boy Scouts. - Yes, Geor9e.

This is interesting .

Someone's trying to enter one of the circuits

I had marked for special surveillance.

I wonder who the intruder is.

- What's the matter? - I can't get what I'm looking for.

I hate to hear you say that.

Why should the HARP DBA Cost-62 be restricted?

Maybe you've got cold hands.

AIIow me.

See?

Do I sense frustration?

L'll bet you've had a lot of experience with that.

If I continue to stroke these Iittle keys here...

You might stunt your growth.

No, Lieutenant, I'Il seek satisfaction elsewhere.

Come in.

- Major Fleming . - General, I have a problem.

The computer is classifying cost overruns within the HARP database.

You know what I think about computers. Sir, it's not a malfunction .

Maybe it hasn't been entered yet.

They're entered and available, otherwise access would not be denied .

General, I'm the senior WCA on this post, I should have access to that information .

There's no reason for it to be withheld .

Right. We do have a problem . Just Iet me have a full reporf.

It'Il be on your desk tonight, and , sir,

I really would appreciate action by the time l return from Forf Baxter.

- Fort Baxter? - The AR-60 test.

Grove infantry assault rifle.

Of course. The AR-60. You have a job to do.

But, Rayner, Iet me give you a word of advice.

Never feel you have to overdo it. You know what I mean?

It makes no difference to me that you're a woman .

That's good news, sir.

And if it's any reassurance,

it makes no difference to me that you're a man .

AIl right, what have you done with the food?

A Korean fingerboard .

What are you staring at?

- You can't see. - I can see.

Then what're you wearing those for?

I wear glasses so that I may see more.

A Korean fingerboard . Begin tapping your fingers.

SIowly at first and then increasing the force.

With time, your nails will become hard, your fingers strong.

They will be able to do more than just carry food to your face.

- They will become a trained weapon. - Trained to kill?

Not kill. A truck kill.

Meat of cow, kill.

American assassins kill, like butchers.

Masters of Sinanju , since the dawn of time,

have killed to promote harmony,

and to bring about a more peaceful humor to the entire community.

We have done this throughout history. For example,

Genghis Khan,

the Persian boy, AIexander,

- Robin Hood . - Robin Hood?

A bandit. Louis XI I I . Napoleon .

Come on, Napoleon died in his bed .

Wrong.

AIl of them pertect assassinations.

You make it sound Iike a public service.

Professional assassination is the highest form of public service.

So I will persevere.

I have taken the Emperor Smith's gold.

And a Korean's word is his bond .

Place your hands behind your head .

I did not say keep them there.

Your reflexes are pitiful .

The seasons move faster.

No doubt, the result of all that filthy

poison you have been stuffing into your belly.

Do you know why Americans call it fast food?

Because it speeds them on the way to the grave.

As I feared , you have no sense of humor.

From now on, you will eat rice.

Eat rice and play with my fingerboard . Great!

Keep it near you at all times. Hang it on a wall.

How?

Find a nail.

- Good mornin9, Jim. - Hi, Doc.

How're you feelin9 this mornin9? Hey, ncver better.

Coach Jenkins camc by last ni9ht.

He told mc that they're savin9 my place on the team.

When l'm out of hcre in a couplc ol wecks, l'm 9oin9 ri9ht back on that squad.

What's the matter, Doc?

L'm sorry, Jim. l'vc 9ot to level with you.

The le9 has 9ot to come off.

No!

I was 9onna be an all-American.

Well, now, you can be all-American for coura9e.

Ooctor, does Linda know?

There's somethin9 else l'vc 9ot to tell you, Jim.

What are you watching?

Your country's one and only contribution to the arf.

It concern family, Iove, honor and courage.

All that is noblest in the human spirit.

It's a soap opera, for Christ's sakes.

You'Il spoil it.

It's pre-spoiled . Look, it's 8:00 and I haven't eaten all day. AII right?

One minute to 8:00. The trained mind does not need a watch.

Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.

You would be better employed developing your pitiful skills

than whining about your belly.

Remember, perfection is a road,

- not a destination . - I love it when you talk Iike that.

And I would Iove it if you would kindly concentrate on your practice.

Keep the weight off your toes.

Ta-da!

Every man is occasionally blessed with Iuck.

Now, down.

My pleasure. Down is easy.

What happened?

You rely on what you know, not what you see.

What is your problem?

Pathetic.

Come on , it's only water. It won't bite you .

Move it.

I said move it.

- Everything okay? - Yeah, sure.

That's it, Damico, hide behind a Ieaf. No one will find you there.

Don't just stand there! Get down there and help Johnson!

Radio the base and get an ambulance out here, on the double.

Yes, sir.

Hoffa, what the hell are you doing? Break out your first-aid kit. Now.

About this new weapon, sir.

I want to tell you something .

- It's useless, sir! - You're way out of line, soldier!

- Sergeant! - Sir!

Assemble the company. l want a weapons check right away.

Yes, sir.

And , Sergeant, I want your reporf on my desk by 1 600!

Sir, we've got over 1 20 AR-60s in this company!

You heard what I said . Now, Get to it.

Yes.

General Watson .

Good morning , General.

We've got a problem , George.

I'm sure you can handle it, General .

A soldier's been killed by your new AR-60.

That's what they get paid for.

It blew up in his face, George. I've got the reporf right here on my desk.

Therc'll have to be an inquiry.

Scott.

Scott, I suggest you Iose that reporf.

I can't do that.

Listen to me, Watson .

Uncle Sam gave you your uniform .

Just about everything else you got from me.

Bury that report.

Thank you, General.

Therc's too many idiots like him on the payroll.

Breathe.

Use the air.

Do not waste it.

- Relax. - Relax.

Will you hang there all day, or may we continue the exercise, please?

- Jesus. - Concentrate! This is no time for prayer!

You are not here to sightsee.

That's it, kids. Lady Luck is watching you . She's got her eyes on you .

She hasn't got all day.

She's waiting for a crap game in Bensonhurst.

Here we are, folks.

Seven hoops a dollar. Everyone a winner. Sir!

You want to make your grandchildren happy?

Drop a hoop on a bottle, win a prize,

and you're gonna see their little faces light up.

And your money back, Gramps.

If you can tell me where you can buy one of these genuine

handmade Taiwanese beauties.

Just remember, I won it. He's mine.

So, il you will excusc me, youn9 Dr. Hastin9s,

l must 9et up to the thcater and scrub up.

It's a dan9erous opcration. lt's never been tried before.

I promiscd that boy he's 9oin9 to walk, and hc's 9oin9 to walk!

Don 't do it. lfyou fail, it could mean a malpractice suit.

Think ofyour professional reputation.

That boy mcans more to me than all of my prolessional awards combined.

Therc's only one thin9 that worries me. What's that?

Whether his stepmother will permit the operation.

You see, she's my ex-wile.

Where's Jim ?

- You shouldn 't be hcre. - l said wherc's Jim?

Miss, I'm sorry. You'll have to leavc.

Nobody is 9oin9 to stop me from scein9 my liancé.

- What did you say? - Jim and l are en9a9ed.

Tune in at the same time tomorrow

lor our continuin9 sa9a of Beyond the N ight.

Brou9ht to you by Continental Airlines, a new tradition in flyin9.

Jim is Ieaving the hospital.

Great.

- He's going to his mother's funeral. - That's tough.

But I think the nurse Iikes him . That's good.

However, there's seems to be some complication with the stepmother.

It would be better for you to eat this can than what is inside of it.

Why must everything in this country be covered with ...

"Monosodium glutamate." You can't even say it.

I can say "rat droppings." It does not mean I want to eat them .

Tomorrow, if you work well, you may have a teaspoon full of honey in your rice.

But I make no promises.

You heard the sound of my flexor tendons as I squeezed the trigger.

And I saw the flutter of your metacarpals. Not bad , huh?

That's two bullets. Child's play.

When you can avoid six bullets,

then you will have accomplished something .

No rice.

No rice?

You forgot the rice.

Maybe we can grow some.

Maybe you will spare me your feeble attempts at humor,

and save them for the shopkeeper at the corner.

He has excellent Chung-ju rice.

You used the other four yesterday.

I reloaded .

With all duc respect to the Major,

at this point in time, Ms. Flemin9, cost ovcrruns are immatcrial.

The Air Forcc cannot evaluate HARP until HARp llies.

Fxactly my point. Mr. Chairman,

if I may be permitted to ask Mr. Grove a question .

When can we expect to see the HARP, Mr. Orove?

I can't believe what I'm hearing here today.

I've devoted my Iife to developing new and better ways

to defend this great country of ours.

I never raised the subject of your patriotism , Mr. Grove.

I should damn well hope not.

If we couldjust 9et back to the qucstion at hand.

What about the CD-1 3, Major?

Three months ahead of schedule and under budget.

Ready for testing next week.

Mount Promise, yes, I know. General Watson and I will be there.

L'm impressed, Mac. This 9irl's 9ot a lot of 9uts.

Who?

Major Fleming.

She's the one who tried to tap into the Grove circuit.

And if she's not careful, she's gonna wind up with her ass in a sling .

She's coming in to New York, Mac. Maybe you'd better slow her down a bit.

Because every time she mentions HARP, our man Grove be9ins to 9et an itch.

I wonder why?

I want that bitch put on a very shorf Ieash.

Should be right up your alley, eh, Stone?

Pick up your feet.

Float.

Float.

Congratulations, Chiun .

Bearing in mind that nature snubbed him cruelly

by denying him Korean birfh,

I am not entirely dissatisfied .

- When will he be ready? - Ahead of time, I think.

Excellent.

That means?

- Fifteen years. - Fifteen years?

If I cut a few corners, 1 4-and-a-half.

Chiun, I need to borrow him for a while.

- Emily, Jim's your son. - l'm only his stepmother.

But Mar9aret told me somcthin9 just before she died.

What's that?

Jim's your son, too.

Is it painful?

I was singing an old Korean love song.

The race must be practically extinct.

Chiun , do you mind if I ask you something?

- Two more minutes. - No, I mean ,

how old are you? I mean, really. You are old , aren't you?

For an apricot, yes.

For a head of lettuce, even more so.

But for a mountain, I am not even begun in years.

For a man , I am just right.

Now I know, don't I?

You ever been married?

I am the Master of Sinanju .

No women . Vows of celibacy. Eunuch . That sorf of stuff, huh?

You are trying to say something?

No, just...

Yeah. What I'm saying is

I've been cooped up in this rat hole for a whole month,

- working my. . . - Sex.

Yeah, sex! Now you're cooking . Maybe it's the breathing and the rice...

Lesson 36.

36?

The 20 steps designed to bring a woman to sexual ecstasy.

Though I personally have rarely found it necessary to go beyond seven

to achieve bliss.

Go on, l'm Iistening .

With the Ieft hand , you Iocate the woman's pulse.

Then, with the middle finger,

and tapping in time with the pulse...

Then what?

Then you may put the rice in the bowl and we may eat.

What was the number of the Iesson this morning, huh?

Wasn't 36, I know that.

You would call it "four." I would call it "embarrassing ."

You know, Chiun , there are times when I really like you .

Of course. I am Chiun.

Then there are times when I could really kill you .

Good!

We will practice that after dinner!

Major FIeming?

Colonel Gayber is expecting you .

Major FIeming, sir.

Hello, Major. I have the documents you requested .

- Hi. - Hi.

That's a nice uniform .

Great buttons.

Buttons?

Taxi! Taxi! Oh, hell.

You can never get one when you want one.

Taxi!

Let me do this. Looks like you got your hands full .

Thanks very much for your help but I think I'II walk.

- Got a problem , buddy? - Get out of the way.

Am I keeping you from something?

If you're in a hurry, pal, all you got to do is say so.

People here in New York have manners. They don't Iean on their horns.

Jesus! Who's your dentist? Tiffany's?

Excuse me. What are you doing to that boy?

Unnecessary use of the horn, Officer.

I'II be unnecessary use of my nightstick on your thick skull if you don't let him go.

Whatever happened to police courfesy and that kind of stuff, huh?

We save that bullshit for the Upper East Side.

I'm gonna kick your skinny white ass

all up and down this street if you don't stop

kung-fuing that man's throat. Now, move it!

Yes, sir, ma'am . Anything you say. You're just doing your duty.

I'm just a simple Iaw-abiding citizen, Officer.

I said move it.

I don't Iike it, George. I don't Iike it at all.

Have you seen these photos that Stone took?

We've got one phony-bird colonel playing footsies

with one little Miss Know-It-AII,

who's dodging tails with one faceless wonder,

who's so anonymous he doesn't even have any record or fingerprints.

They're throwing some secret fraud-squad at us and we're fishing in the dark.

Obviously, but before I can shut them down,

I need to know who they are.

Shake some trees, see who falls out.

Shaken every tree I can find . I've come up empty.

Of course.

Because you haven't played hard ball, like we did in Tennessee.

Let's give them a body. See who claims it.

Starf with him .

Couldn't we just skip this Iesson and move on a bit?

Say, to lesson number 36?

Silence! The Emperor Smith is disgusted with your progress.

How many times have I had to tell you? He's not an Emperor.

Enough ! You are using only a fraction of the power in your body and your brain .

Sinanju uses it all .

That is its sole secret,

its only strength .

You are here to conquer your childish fear of heights.

When you have done so,

we shall meet below and starf another exercise.

27, 23, 29, 30.

- You got it, mister. - Yeah . No problem .

- Like falling off a Iog. - I'Il take mine now, Frankie.

What are you guys, crazy?

You got no right up here, mister. Authorized personnel only.

- That's to prevent accidents. - Suicide, that kind of thing .

Okay, look, I'm coming down , all right?

Yeah. You sure are. The shorf way.

End of the Iine, pal.

He's coming your way!

I got him . I got him .

Come on, get him now!

I rather enjoyed that.

Yeah . Eight-and-a-half gainer with a full twist.

Your people did a good job.

AIl right. Let's get out of here.

Okay, guys. It's Miller time.

I tried to grab him . He must have slipped.

Yeah, I saw that.

He's falling down .

- Terrible. - It's a tragedy.

What the hell is going on?

Bastard !

He's behind you !

Get him .

Wait, man . I didn't do nothing .

You can't come over here!

- Look out, buddy. - Who is he?

- No! - Don't go in there!

That's new cement, man!

You know, Mac, I could tell you what George Grove

had for Iunch every day this month.

But I can't find out a goddamn thing about HARP.

Now, how do you suppose he managed that Iittle trick?

Good . I'm glad you're both here.

'Cause we're gonna straighten something out.

I just spent the morning being chased around the Statue of Liberfy

by a bunch of goons.

What were you doing on the Statue of Liberfy, Mr. Williams?

Chasing pigeons. That's not the point. Those guys were trying to kill me.

Who?

A friend with a Tiffany tooth . That's who.

Will somebody tell me what the hell's going on?

- If he's onto Remo, he's onto us. - Who's "he"?

Why don't we take him out before he gets any closer?

No.

I can't do that, Mac.

I need more to go on .

Those guys tried to kill me. You want more?

Mr. Williams, CURE is not at all interested in your personal problems.

CU RE sucks, whatever CU RE is.

Mr. Williams, what we can't do here

is embarrass the President.

Now, a man named Grove has discovered your existence.

But before CU RE becomes visible,

we must all disappear without a trace.

And how do you plan to do that?

Simple.

Harold W. Smith,

Assistant Research Manager, found dead in his office.

Massive coronary.

I keep this pill in my pocket.

Across town another man is found in the stockroom of a men's haberdashery,

his head blown off.

Where does that leave me?

It Ieaves you with your slant-eyed little buddy, Chiun .

He's got your number.

Should be fast and painless.

Boys, we're not there yet.

But we'd better have a look at the HARP

and we'd better come up with something pretty soon,

or we will have to vacate this office.

You and I are going to visit Mr. Grove's plant.

Allegheny, 1 0:00, Gate 23.

Don't be Iate.

There is something you wish to ask.

The answer is yes.

If the Emperor Smith so ordered it,

I would have to kill you .

It is in the contract.

Cliff wants you .

Chiun teach you that?

No.

Anti-personnel mine. Korea.

See you back at the fence.

What Iesson number was dogs, Chiun?

Let's see you try to get up here, you sons of bitches.

You're not your average sons of bitches.

Try that, you mother.

Remo!

- What happened? - Man, I blew it.

Don't worry about it. I think I got what we need here. Come on .

Grab that dozer over there.

Move it!

Jump!

Get this to Smith .

He won't be with us for much longer.

Has he talked yet?

Get Stone.

HARP,

the so-called cornerstone of defense for this nation, for the next decade.

What about it?

What about it? There is none. It doesn't exist.

But I saw the damn thing . It blew up in my face!

I know.

But what you saw was a fake,

it was window-dressing, it was a pipe dream .

It doesn't exist.

And before you got close enough to figure it out, poof.

Self-destruct.

Blew our only hard piece of evidence right out of courf.

Hell, I'll bet this guy is filing for his fire-insurance claims right now.

I've got to take my hat off to this Mr. Grove, Remo.

He's gonna get his appropriations, you know,

for HARP-2 and HARP-3, and in six months, Remo,

hell, nobody will even ask him what happened to HARP-1 .

And you think it's funny?

Mac gives his Iife to get you that stuff so you could nail the bastard ,

and you're telling me he's gonna get away with it, huh?

That we can't stop him?

You can stop him , son .

Just tell me where he is.

Mount Promise.

But it's got to Iook like one of Chiun's pertect accidents.

It'll be my pleasure.

Major. Nice to see you again .

I feel I owe you an apology.

I get pretty hot under the collar

when someone tries to tells me how to run my business.

But you're just doing your job.

And pretty darn well, by the Iooks of it.

The imporfant thing is that we're both working for the same side, right?

Yes, Mr. Grove. And speaking of work, I

still have a Iot to do before this afternoon .

Carry on, Major.

Actually, General, there was one point I wanted to clear up with the Major.

What have you got there, George? -Just a small matter of national security.

Who are you working for?

Let me explain something to you , Mr. Grove.

A: I don't like being spied on.

B: You have no right to make accusations that you cannot prove.

And C: I have no idea who these men are or who they work for.

So if you'll excuse me, General, I have things to attend to.

Hi.

Remember me?

Yes.

I remember you , all right.

You just set my career back about a decade.

I'm supposed to be your accomplice.

Who the hell are you?

You know, I could march you into that building and clear this up right now.

You could but you won't.

Who are you to give me orders? Army Intelligence?

You are Army Intelligence, aren't you?

It's the AR-b0, isn't it?

No wonder I've been having so much trouble getting information.

We've been working on the same thing . I'm so sorry.

I don't know your name or your rank. Do I salute you?

You salute me.

Major FIeming . Hi, I'm Jim Wilson. Grove Industries.

General Watson asked me to contact you .

He tells me you have some concern about our AR-60s.

Damn right. It's about time somebody took this problem seriously.

That's what I'm here for, ma'am . I've got one set up down on C Range.

- I can run you down there if you Iike. - I'd appreciate that, Mr. Wilson. Let's go.

What are you waiting for, soldier? A presidential invitation?

The only thing our guys at Baton Rouge could figure out

was that the retaining ring hadn't been bolted down correctly.

It doesn't click on like a bayonet joint.

If some dumb dogface doesn't follow specs and tries to force it, it'Il malfunction .

Malfunction? When a piece of metal blows someone's head off,

that isn't malfunction, Mr. Wilson , it's defective manufacture.

It means that somewhere along the Iine,

your company allowed a design error to creep in .

Did you run the 31 0 test on them as well as the 480 sequence?

No. I think we're going to find blowback.

- Blowback? - Precisely.

If that retaining ring is misaligned, a bullet could conceivably jam in the barrel.

And at 20 rounds a second on full automatic,

well, the results would naturally be catastrophic.

Catastrophic is not the word .

I must tell you, Mr. Wilson, that the Army has Iong suspected Grove Industries of...

What the hell is going on?

Give it five minutes. Don't forget to unlock the safety catches.

It's got to look like a nice little accident.

That's for my friends at the Statue.

This one's for me.

So Iisten to this, George. Lymon four-puts.

Four-puts, mind you .

I thought he'd have a stroke. And I'd have claimed it if he had .

Sir. I'm afraid there's been a serious incident at the gas testing area.

Patal, I'm afraid .

- That's terrible. - What happened?

One of your assistants, Mr. Grove.

The first thing I'm gonna do is file a 1 611 .

And if that doesn't work I'm gonna nail them with a 1 098.

Who were those bastards, anyway?

That guy, Wilson,

he's gonna wish he'd never been born by the time I finish with him.

What the hell did he think he was doing anyway?

Thank you.

By the way,

I guess I should also thank you for getting me out of there.

I remember passing out, and then ...

I think we'd better keep moving .

Hey! That's not the way, that's west. The camp is up there.

Yeah, I know. That's why we're going this way. Come on .

Look, I've got to reporf this to General Watson.

Those people tried to kill us, for God's sake.

- Major Fleming. . . - Rayner.

Rayner. Listen, I hate to pull rank on you,

but I want Grove Industries as bad as you . Right?

Okay, Iet's do it my way. Neat and tidy.

All wrapped up in one package. How does that sound?

Sounds good to me, sir.

Gentlemen , as of now this base is on AIpha-1 alerf.

This is not an exercise. I repeat, this is not an exercise.

Military secrets have been stolen.

A man has been killed

and Major Fleming has been reporfed as missing .

Our infrared heat sensors indicate two targets

moving west toward the perimeter of the camp.

They must be intercepted and detained .

Sir, if there's resistance, do we return fire?

The security of the United States is at risk, Captain . What do you think?

Oentlemen , you have your orders.

Haven't eaten this good in weeks.

- How're you feeling? - Fine.

- You sure? - Sure.

I'm going to be down at the Iake...

You are deaf!

I have been stomping around here for 1 0 minutes,

while you talk nonsense with this woman .

Pleasure to meet you , too.

Even worse, you and the woman gorge yourself on sweets.

Excuse me, but I do have a name.

Women should stay home and make babies.

Preferably man-child .

I see you both went to the same charm school.

He always talks Iike that. He's Korean .

I see. And that explains why he lives in a forest.

No. Actually he's here for a special purpose.

To kill me.

Not so.

I'm here to see that you do not bring shame to the House of Sinanju .

And if I do, then you kill me.

That I would do reluctantly because you have been a good pupil.

- For a white man . - I see.

So that makes everything okay, doesn't it?

You are very skinny.

Why don't you try tightening the pinion nut first?

Because if I do that, I won't be able to line up the splines, dummy.

Sure don't make them like they used to.

I'Il tell Lee Iacocca you said that.

Damn, Harold . What did you do?

The brakes!

Jesus! Jump!

- You all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.

You all right, Chiun?

Christ!

God ! Chiun.

In Korea, door handles do not break.

Chiun.

Chiun, are you all right?

- Are you hurf? - No.

When you approach middle age,

there is a tendency towards bruising, my son.

What?

What did you call me?

I called you a clumsy oaf.

You drive like a monkey in heat!

Oh, my God !

- Are you all right? - And why should I not be?

What are we going to do now?

You're gonna stay with Chiun . He'II probably teach you to breathe.

- I have a job to finish . - Remo!

Do not embarrass us.

I won't.

Little Father.

This is ridiculous. Do you know what he's trying to do?

They'll arrest him , they'll courf-marfial him .

Silence.

They'Il Iock him up and throw away the keys,

and you just stand there like Nanook of the Norfh!

Why don't you help him, for God's sake! I thought he was...

Lesson 22. BIessed silence.

This is Pinc Tree Command. Good mornin9, 9entlcmen.

I hope we're in for some 9ood huntin9 today.

Prepare to copy your scctor priorities.

Now, that includes you and your littlc buddies down therc, Liebowitz.

Go ahead, Pine Tree.

All stations to Situ-1.

That means pull your fin9ers out of your ears and 9ivc a listen, boys.

Wc're live this mornin9.

- Pine Tree, this is Mistletoe. - Come on in, Mistletoe.

Bearin9 120.

We have contact.

- Tar9et's headin9 west. - Ran9e ?

- 3. 6 and closin9. - That's a ro9. Thank you, Mistletoe.

Pine Trce to all stations, 9o to Situ-2.

I say a9ain, 9o to Situ-2. This is not an exercisc. We arc live.

This is Redwood.

We have triangulation.

Alpha-7-1-2-Zulu-0-0-9er.

Target entering carpet area.

This is Bandit Chief. Go to Situ-3.

- Lock and load. - On your command, Bandit Chief.

Prime.

Red-4 Iive. Red-5 live.

Pine Tree Command. We show two in thc 9reen.

All sectors sccure. Ovcr to you, Bandit Chiel.

Commence pattern .

This is Pinc Tree Command. Good work, 9entlemen.

Prepare to stand down sectors Redwood, Dou9las, Cedar and Mistletoe.

Mop up commands search party to Red-4 and report.

Ro9er, Pinc Trec, will comply.

They better take the Batjet.

You're not going to believe this, Pine Tree.

My sensor indicates human presence 50 meters above the ground .

This sucker must've grown wings.

This is Bandit Chief. I say again, this is Bandit Chief.

Stop your goddamn chattering

and give me radio silence and some map coordinates!

Yes, sir! Comin9 ri9ht up, sir!

You are proccedin9 in a northcrly direction.

Not us, you jackass! The target!

Yes, sir!

Foxtrot-4-6-4-Zulu-5-0-5.

Headin9 toward the lake.

Stop!

AIl right, soldier. Nail that commie son of a bitch.

Get him .

That guy's going nowhere, sir.

Shit.

- Are you out of your mind , George? - It's your ass, too, Scott.

Damn . Get me more ammo.

He's getting away, George!

I can see that. What the hell are you waiting for?

Pine Trce Command. Comc in, Bandit Chiel. Over.

Stop right there.

I used to be interested in who you work for. Now I don't give a damn.

You're a dangerous Iiability, my friend .

You'll be dead in about 1 5 seconds.

The amusing thing is they'll probably give me a medal for shooting you .

Who are you?

Remo Williams.

Also found in the wrccka9e of a tra9ic accidcnt was Gcor9e S. Grove,

chairman of Grovc lndustries,

many-time recipicnt ol the presidcntial Medal lor Excellence,

and well known for his contributions to charity.

Also killed was Bri9adier General Scott...

- Where's Chiun? - He went to Iook for you .

First squad, take the right flank. Wheeler, take the bogies Ieft and around.

Be careful, they may be armed . And for crying out Ioud , watch the Major.

She's a woman and she's on our side.

There he is.

Careful, men. Hold your fire.

You must run very fast.

Who are you?

Would you believe we're the good guys?

- Are you all right, Major? - Yes, I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

Faster!

You know, Chiun, sometimes you're a real pain in the ass.

That is because it is the shorfest route to your brain!

- But we must hurry. - What's the rush?

We must return in time to see if Jim is truly going to walk.

- What did you say? - Or has the doctor merely told him so

because he hoped to get a new wing for the hospital from his stepmother.

- Chiun, you're incredible. - No.

I am better than that.