All language subtitles for Ghosts s05e17 The Investor.eng

Look, I wish I could help you,
but that money was seized

as part of an investigation

into the illegal poker game
at your residence.

-So you can just keep it?
-It's called civil forfeiture.

And there's no way
we can get it back?

I mean, there's a slim chance,
but it's a lengthy process.

Hey, Chief, where do you want
this new espresso machine?

-Oh, the break room's fine.
-JAY: Ooh.

Is that a Piaggi? I tried to get
one of those for the restaurant.

-Those things are, like,
ten grand. -Oh, uh,

-we got a good deal.
-SUE: Sorry to interrupt, Chief,

but for the Humvee,
do we want to go

with the upgraded Napa leather
with the contrast stitching?

JIM:
That doesn't come with

-the premium package?
-It's separate.

Sure. Why not? [chuckles]

Well, that all sounds
pretty expensive.

Ma'am, you can't put a price
on public safety.

We're never getting
our money back, are we?

No, you are not.
But...

I can offer you a cappuccino.

-Okay.
-Can I get light foam?

? ?

SAMANTHA: So, yeah,

we are facing some
financial difficulties, and

we just thought that it was
important to come clean to you.

Mm. "Come clean"
is a bit strong.

The man still doesn't know

that the root of your money woes
is ghost-related tax evasion.

-The details are not important.
-Hmm. -JAY: We knew we had to

share it with you, 'cause you're
not just our business partner,

I mean, you're our friend.

[phone whooshes, chimes]

Are you even listening, Mark?

Hmm? Oh, yeah,
that all sounds great.

We just told you we're in
serious financial trouble.

You're right. I'm so sorry.

Uh, they just came out
with a new update

for this Fruit Smashgame.

It's very addictive.

They added raspberries,
which seems like not a big deal,

but they give you
triple smash points.

Look, I appreciate you guys
being honest with me.

And I'm here
for anything you need,

-short of lending you any money.
[laughs] -ALBERTA: Ooh.

-Smart man, Mark.
-We'll figure something out.

Thank you for letting us
bend your ear, Mark.

-Mark!
-Sorry.

I'm just one cantaloupe away
from a fruit salad.

-That's actually
a very big achievement. -MARK: I'll catch

you guys later. I'm gonna
go check out that thing

with the walk-in
at the restaurant.

-Thanks, Mark.
-HETTY: What...

Now what is the plan?

Are you gonna
have to sell the house?

And, if so, have you considered
selling it to Kyle?

TREVOR: Ooh! That would be

-amazing.
-Love Kyle.

Nobody turns a magazine page
better.

-But, obviously,
we'd miss you dearly. -SAMANTHA: Of course

we don't want to sell, but
we are running out of options.

Sam and Jay.

-[door closes]
-Hi. Mayor Tad.

We met last year
at that fundraiser you hosted.

I only feel the need
to remind you because you were

"baked out of your minds."
Your words.

Hello, sir.

Love a two-handed handshake.
Makes you feel special.

Not as special
as a six-handed massage.

Have I ever told you guys

about Jordan Belfort's
bachelor party?

To what do we owe the pleasure,
Mr. Mayor?

Well, I know you're in a bit
of a financial pickle.

I heard about your visit
to city hall today.

And I think
I might have a solution.

-We're listening.
-I would like

to personally invest
in your business.

The hotel, the restaurant.

I want to be part
of the solution.

You would? But why?

Well, obviously,
I have a special connection

with Woodstone.

Because your prom date
was chainsawed here. Go on.

And you guys aren't just

constituents.
You're job creators.

I mean, if you were
forced to sell,

there's no guarantee
this property wouldn't

just become some rich person's
third house.

I don't know if you can
technically call them rich

if they only have three houses,
but okay.

Well, it's definitely
interesting.

Well, I'll tell you what.
Let's have lunch,

talk about it,
see if this is a good fit.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

HETTY:
Mm. now, Jay's

-double-handing it.
-This is too many hands.

SASAPPIS:
Thank you all

for gathering.

The day has finally arrived.

Ghost representative
election day.

And now let's hear closing
statements from our candidates.

First up, somehow representing
the basement ghosts,

Isaac Higgintoot.

[clears throat]
Thank you, Sasappis.

My fellow Ghostmericans,

it has been a long
and eventful campaign.

And I have heard your problems,

and I have formulated solutions.

Remember, a vote for Isaac
is a vote

for a movie-theater style
popcorn machine

in the main lobby.

-Oh, yes!
-ISAAC: And this is not

a false promise.

I have actually secured
Samantha's agreement on this.

The aromatic scent
of freshly popped corn

will waft

through these halls,
you have my word.

-Yeah!
-Whoo!

And now, representing
the upstairs ghosts,

Flower Montero.

I'm nervous. I told her
she should walk through Gabe

to get smart before her speech,
but she refused.

Wanted to do it on her own.

Thank you, fellow ghosts.

I just have one question
for all of you.

What is this for?

It's your closing statement
for the election, Flower.

Right.
The election.

We got to run that son of a
bitch Nixon out of office, man.

By attending music festivals,

taking acid and sucking nitrous
out of balloons.

Who's with me?

Yeah!
[laughs]

We want the movie theater
popcorn thing.

[chanting]:
Popcorn thing!

Popcorn thing!
Popcorn thing!

-Our girl's in trouble.
-Popcorn thing! Pop...

TAD:
I got to say,

the B and B is charming as hell,
this restaurant is incredible,

and neither of you
currently seems

the least bit stoned.

Ah.
The lowest of bars, cleared.

-You love to see it.
-[chuckles]

So, long story short-
I don't know-

I'm feeling pretty good
about this.

We certainly need the money.

But cards on the table-
we're a little worried

about selling a majority stake
in Woodstone. Right, Sam?

-Sam?
-Oh. Sorry.

I downloaded the stupid game.
I can't put it down.

I can help you get past that
Monster Melon. Let's talk later.

-Now, where were we?
-Look, I completely get it.

Woodstone isn't just a business.
It's your home.

Which you are going to lose
unless you close this deal.

I don't know what there even is
to talk about.

TAD:
But it's you guys I'm investing in.

I don't have time
to be hands-on.

I like what you're doing.
I want you to keep doing it.

So you're saying
you want to give us money

to save the business
so we can keep running it,

and nothing's gonna change?

She's one of the great
summarizers of her era.

Yes.
And, you know,

if a few headlines
pop up here and there

about how Mayor Tad
saved a local business

in an election year,
well, you know, so be it.

So, what do you say?

Uh... we're in.

Woodstone is saved!

And it still doesn't mean
you can't ask Kyle to move in.

Hey, Jay, bad news
on the walk-in. Looks like

you might need
a new control board.

Oh.
Hello, Tad.

Mark.

You two know each other?

PETE:
Am I crazy or do

Mark and Tad have
some sort of score to settle?

TAD:
Mark did some work

-on my kitchen.
-JAY: Great.

He's our business partner.
[chuckles]

He's the best.

Tad's interested
in purchasing a part

of our share of the business.

I was interested.

Unfortunately,
if Mark's involved, I'm out.

What did Mark do
to this man's kitchen?

I ain't leaving.
I want to find out.

I'm sorry. Are you saying
you're not gonna invest

in the business
because Mark is involved?

That's right.
Going into business with someone

is all about trust, and Mark

is not to be trusted.

You said you wanted
bullnose countertops.

I would never.

Everything about me
says sharp edges.

Guys, this doesn't
need to be a big deal.

-Misunderstandings happen.
-TAD: Yeah.

It wasn't a misunderstanding.
I couldn't have been clearer.

Yeah, I agree.

When we discussed this,
standing in your kitchen,

you clearly stated
you wanted bullnose.

That is not what I said.

Two alphas going at it.
I'm loving it.

Yup.
She loves alphas.

Look, I like you guys,
I like your business,

I like the optics
of me saving the day.

But it's either him or me.

Let me know what you decide.

Screw that guy.

Trust me,
you're better off without him.

Oy vey.
That deal fell apart faster

than when I took the Hobby Lobby
guys to Scores for lap dances.

What are we supposed to do?
We're deep in debt.

We need this Tad deal
to go through, babe.

You got to solve
the Tad-Mark beef.

Get those two
to kiss and make up.

Alberta says we need to get Tad
and Mark to resolve their issue.

How?
It's a he said-he said.

No one who wasn't standing
in that kitchen with them

knows the truth
about how it really went down.

Then why don't we see if
anyone else was in that kitchen?

HETTY:
You've got ghosts.

Specifically, one who can
leave the property.

Okay, Jay, what if we sent Pete
over to Tad's house

to see if there were any ghosts
who witnessed the conversation

that Mark and Tad
are arguing about?

Maybe there's a ghost
who heard something helpful.

Interesting.
It's worth a shot.

HETTY:
And if it doesn't work out,

are debtors' prisons
still a thing?

They may be satisfied
with just the husband.

That's some good news.

NANCY:
I cast my vote for...

-Isaac.
-[laughs] Thank you.

Another mark
in the Higgintoot column.

This is turning into
a bit of a landslide.

Don't be down, Flower.

There is still time
to turn this ship around.

Is boat analogy 'cause, Viking.

You're the best, Thor.

I would like to vote in the
ghost representative election.

Though I prefer theocracy
over democracy.

Hi, Patience.
It's been a minute.

Haven't seen you since the whole
Christmas canoodle with Trevor.

A lapse we shall not
speak of again.

He proved
to be a man of low morals,

his thick thighs and sublime
buttocks notwithstanding.

Which leads me to the only
question that matters.

For whom did Trevor vote?

He voted for Isaac.

Ah. Then I shall cast my vote
for Flower.

-Oh, right on.
-ISAAC [laughing]: No matter.

My lead is still comfortable.

RICHARD:
Not so fast.

The bunker ghosts
cast their votes for Flower.

[laughing]:
Oh, hey, guys.

ISAAC:
What? My former brethren.

Did our four hours in the cult
together mean nothing?

Oh, sorry, Isaac,

but Flower freed us
from Bruce's evil clutches.

And by my count, that is...

seven more votes for Flower.

And we're tied, folks.

-[laughs boisterously]
-ISAAC: No, no.

FLOWER:
Isaac, it's kind of a bummer

for either of us
to have to lose.

What if we just did the ghost
representative thing together?

A power-sharing arrangement?

Never.
I have an idea.

So, you guys all still just

staying in bunker?

Yeah. Just seemed
like the easiest thing.

Plus, the cots are super nice

now that the coroner
removed all our corpses.

Yeah, it's a total refresh.

-Hmm.
-Oh.

PETE:
Well,

turns out a ghost
at the mayor's house did witness

the infamous bullnose counter
discussion in question.

Really?

Pete says a ghost at Tad's place
did witness the conversation.

And the verdict is...
[imitates drumroll]

Tad was telling the truth.

-[gasps] Mark is lying?
-Seriously?

Not lying.
Mistaken.

Uh, apparently, the original
agreement had been

to install
the bullnose countertops.

Mark had sold the mayor
on the idea

that they were
a "classic aesthetic

that would stand
the test of time."

Same reason I installed
an aquarium wall in my condo.

PETE:
But importantly,

this conversation happened
two years ago,

coinciding exactly
with the last major update

to the game Fruit Smash.

Okay.

So, it turns out
the mayor was clear

about wanting
the straight-edge countertops

but Mark wasn't listening

because he was busy
playing Fruit Smash.

Hey, so good news
about the walk-in.

The control board's
actually still under warranty,

so looks like
you saved a few bucks.

Hey, Mark, the whole thing

that happened
with the mayor's kitchen-

when was that, exactly?

Hmm, it's got to be...
couple years ago, now.

Couple years ago. Wasn't that
right around the time

of a new Fruit Smashupdate?

Why are you asking?

Oh, he's thinking maybe this'll
jog Mark's memory. That's smart.

Well, it's just, um,

couldn't it be possible

that the mayor was clear
about the countertops,

and you weren't listening

because you were smashing fruit?

[scoffs]
I see what's going on here.

Look, if you want
to side with the rich guy

so you can get
your precious money, go for it.

No, Mark.
It's not like that.

I'm your friend
and your partner.

If you should believe anybody,

it's me,
'cause I'm in the right here.

Of course you are.

But what if you're not?

You know what?
Forget you guys.

You want to get into bed
with Tad? Go for it.

But make sure
he buys my share, too,

'cause I don't want
to be in business

with people
who don't even trust me.

Mark, wait.

How do you get past
Commander Cantaloupe?

JAY:
Great. My best friend hates me

and thinks I don't trust him.

Whoa, best friend?

He means best visible friend,
baby. He's upset.

Yes, this is unfortunate

on a personal level.

But at the end of the day,
with Mark

hating you
and wanting to be bought out,

the path is cleared
for a deal with Tad.

Hetty's saying
that with Mark walking,

it does kind of solve
our problem with Tad.

I don't want
to solve our problem this way.

There wouldn't be a restaurant
if it wasn't for Mark.

I know.
It doesn't feel good.

-Again, it was Hetty.
-Mm.

-This is a stressful situation.
-TREVOR: Yeah,

these kids could both benefit

from a little
six-handed massage action.

I know these chicks
from the Belfort bach.

They're probably
in their 60s now,

but if you close your eyes,
their hands are 25.

JAY:
You know what? Mark doesn't think

that we trust him,
but I know a way

that we can prove to him
that we do.

Come with me, Sam.

Six-handed massage.

You are classless.

My aquarium wall would disagree.

SASAPPIS:
Okay, well,

with all the votes recorded,

it's looking like
this is an unprecedented tie.

-[lively chatter]
-Unless there's

anybody who hasn't voted yet.

In fact, there is someone

who hasn't voted yet.

Bruce, the time has arrived.

-[lively chatter]
-Oh, my God.

Howdy, everyone.

Oh, boy.

Where he come from?

We summoned him from the dirt.

We played Cream
over a loudspeaker

until he came
through the basement wall.

Sorry, Flower.

Really want to smell
that movie-theater butter.

SASAPPIS:
Um, okay, so, uh,

probably a formality, but Bruce,

who do you vote for?

Who do I vote for?
Hmm.

That is a very
interesting question.

I spent the last month

wandering around
in a dark exile,

foisted upon me

by this traitorous woman
I now stand before.

Not looking good for Flower.

I had a lot of time
to think in the dirt.

Think about ways
to plot revenge.

-Ah.
-But then a funny thing happened.

Between the bouts of pure panic,

there was a clarity
that settled in.

And I realized

I was grateful to Flower.

-I'm sorry. What?
-ALBERTA: Oh,

-this is taking a turn.
-For, by exposing me

as a fraud,

she freed me
from my web of lies.

It is for that reason

that I cast my deciding vote...

-for Sister Flower.
-[all exclaim]

Oh, come on.

Then it's official.
Flower is the winner.

We have a new
Ghost Representative.

-FLOWER: Yay!
-ALBERTA: Yeah, Flower. Yeah! -[applause]

Hey, Mark, wait.

There's nothing left
to talk about, Jay.

You have every reason
to be mad at us.

We accused you of something
that we couldn't prove.

But here's the thing. We don't
just think you were wrong.

We know you were wrong.

-I'm sorry, is this an apology?
-SAMANTHA: The reason that

we know what happened
in that mayor's kitchen...

...is a ghost told us.

What?

Sam can see ghosts.

And we have a ghost
on our property

who can travel
to other properties.

It's a very rare
and cool ghost power.

Anyway, our ghost talked
to a ghost at Tad's house,

and that's how
we know what happened.

-This is insane.
-SAMANTHA: This is us

showing you
how much we trust you.

By letting you in on
our most closely-guarded secret.

Sam, ask the ghosts
to do that thing where

they prove their existence.
You're gonna love this.

SAMANTHA:
Uh, sweetie, there aren't

-any ghosts out here.
-Seriously?

They're always around
except when you need 'em.

I'm gonna go.
Don't call me.

Mark, hold on!

Just come back in the house.
We'll find a ghost

and then, we'll
straighten this all out.

Please.

Mark, you are
my best visible friend.

I promise you,
I wouldn't make this up.

Prove it.

SAMANTHA:
You know what, I think they're in the barn.

Follow me.

Yep, here are the ghosts.

They're gathered
for the ghost election.

Right.
The ghost election.

Samantha, I have suffered
an ignominious defeat,

but I would like to request
that you still go forward

with installing the
movie-theater popcorn machine

in the lobby,
because the people deserve it.

-Aw.
-Oh, hey.

What are you talking about?

What movie-theater
popcorn machine?

I asked you earlier.

We had a whole conversation.

Was I playing a game
on my phone?

-Perhaps.
-Yeah, I don't

remember agreeing
to any of that.

And it sounds insane

and expensive, so, sorry.

Oh. A colonial ghost
wants a popcorn machine.

Welcome to my life.

[laughs]
Guys, listen up.

We told Mark that Sam
can talk to ghosts, and we

need your help proving it,
so, uh, check his pockets,

see how many fingers
he's got behind his back.

You know, the classics.

We happy to help.
Want Thor do light thing?

Yes, great. The Viking ghost
is gonna make the lights blink.

-Ah.
-Yeah.

Wait one second, Thor.

I hate to do this,

but I do have
a fiduciary responsibility

to my constituents.

We'll prove your abilities
to Mark,

but we need your word
that you will procure

that popcorn machine
for the lobby.

Damn, Flower.
Did you walk through Gabe?

No.
I'm just momentarily lucid.

So, what's supposed
to happen here?

Uh, Flower,
are you extorting us?

Oh, yeah.
Big time.

My God.

-She's good at this.
-SAMANTHA: Okay.

Fine. You can have
the popcorn machine.

-Yeah!
-[cheering, laughing]

Thorfinn, do your thing.

Ah.

-[shouts]
-[lights buzzing]

And that's just an amuse-bouche.

There's more.

On the one hand,
I can't believe it.

But on the other hand,
it explains so much.

I mean, no offense, Sam, but

your behavior has been
deeply weird for years.

A lot of that behavior
has nothing to do with ghosts.

We probably should have
told you a lot sooner.

We've told very few people.

Oh. My office said
you wanted to speak.

No.
What is he doing here?

Did I not make myself clear?
If he's in, I'm out.

I asked Sam and Jay
to get in touch with you.

There's something I want to say.

Please just hear him out, Tad.

After replaying things
in my mind a little bit,

I think, uh,
maybe I got it wrong.

-Really?
-I know I got it wrong.

So, I'm sorry.
And as a gesture of my remorse,

I'm willing to redo
the countertops, free of charge.

Actually, the bullnose
kind of grew on me.

-Seriously?
-TAD: You were right, man. It's timeless.

It was just the principle
of the thing.

Your apology-

that's good enough for me.

So we have a deal?

We have a deal.

[laughing]

Woodstone is saved!

I know I screamed that earlier,

but this time,
I think it's gonna stick.

Oh.
Hey, man.

Madame Representative.

Isaac, we're friends.

You can call me Jennifer.

Wait, that doesn't sound right.

Did you come here
to gloat, Flower?

Is this the type of reception
I have to look forward to

over the next four years?

No, I actually came
to ask you for help.

It's just, ghost rep
seems like such a big job.

And I don't really have a lot
of experience with politics.

I mean, I was orgy co-chair
of my cult,

but that was mostly
just picking the music.

What I'm saying is...

...I think I might
need a vice ghost rep.

Really?

It's just, I don't really
have the time.

I could use help
carrying the load.

You know, public appearances,
glad-handing.

All the boring stuff

where people are really just
kissing your butt.

I mean...

I mean, I suppose,
if it would help you,

I could...

take some of that butt-kiss
receiving off of your plate.

Mm. I really
appreciate this, Isaac.

You're welcome, Flower.

And if you must know,

I actually think

you're not going to be
terrible at this.

With my help, of course.

Not terrible at what?

At being ghost representative.

Is it hard?

Oh, I was orgy co-chair
of my cult,

but that was mostly
just picking the music.

-Cool.
-Mm.

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