Original subtitles

Look, I wish I could help you, but that money was seized

as part of an investigation

into the illegal poker game at your residence.

-So you can just keep it? -It's called civil forfeiture.

And there's no way we can get it back?

I mean, there's a slim chance, but it's a lengthy process.

Hey, Chief, where do you want this new espresso machine?

-Oh, the break room's fine. -JAY: Ooh.

Is that a Piaggi? I tried to get one of those for the restaurant.

-Those things are, like, ten grand. -Oh, uh,

-we got a good deal. -SUE: Sorry to interrupt, Chief,

but for the Humvee, do we want to go

with the upgraded Napa leather with the contrast stitching?

JIM: That doesn't come with

-the premium package? -It's separate.

Sure. Why not? [chuckles]

Well, that all sounds pretty expensive.

Ma'am, you can't put a price on public safety.

We're never getting our money back, are we?

No, you are not. But...

I can offer you a cappuccino.

-Okay. -Can I get light foam?

? ?

SAMANTHA: So, yeah,

we are facing some financial difficulties, and

we just thought that it was important to come clean to you.

Mm. "Come clean" is a bit strong.

The man still doesn't know

that the root of your money woes is ghost-related tax evasion.

-The details are not important. -Hmm. -JAY: We knew we had to

share it with you, 'cause you're not just our business partner,

I mean, you're our friend.

[phone whooshes, chimes]

Are you even listening, Mark?

Hmm? Oh, yeah, that all sounds great.

We just told you we're in serious financial trouble.

You're right. I'm so sorry.

Uh, they just came out with a new update

for this Fruit Smashgame.

It's very addictive.

They added raspberries, which seems like not a big deal,

but they give you triple smash points.

Look, I appreciate you guys being honest with me.

And I'm here for anything you need,

-short of lending you any money. [laughs] -ALBERTA: Ooh.

-Smart man, Mark. -We'll figure something out.

Thank you for letting us bend your ear, Mark.

-Mark! -Sorry.

I'm just one cantaloupe away from a fruit salad.

-That's actually a very big achievement. -MARK: I'll catch

you guys later. I'm gonna go check out that thing

with the walk-in at the restaurant.

-Thanks, Mark. -HETTY: What...

Now what is the plan?

Are you gonna have to sell the house?

And, if so, have you considered selling it to Kyle?

TREVOR: Ooh! That would be

-amazing. -Love Kyle.

Nobody turns a magazine page better.

-But, obviously, we'd miss you dearly. -SAMANTHA: Of course

we don't want to sell, but we are running out of options.

Sam and Jay.

-[door closes] -Hi. Mayor Tad.

We met last year at that fundraiser you hosted.

I only feel the need to remind you because you were

"baked out of your minds." Your words.

Hello, sir.

Love a two-handed handshake. Makes you feel special.

Not as special as a six-handed massage.

Have I ever told you guys

about Jordan Belfort's bachelor party?

To what do we owe the pleasure, Mr. Mayor?

Well, I know you're in a bit of a financial pickle.

I heard about your visit to city hall today.

And I think I might have a solution.

-We're listening. -I would like

to personally invest in your business.

The hotel, the restaurant.

I want to be part of the solution.

You would? But why?

Well, obviously, I have a special connection

with Woodstone.

Because your prom date was chainsawed here. Go on.

And you guys aren't just

constituents. You're job creators.

I mean, if you were forced to sell,

there's no guarantee this property wouldn't

just become some rich person's third house.

I don't know if you can technically call them rich

if they only have three houses, but okay.

Well, it's definitely interesting.

Well, I'll tell you what. Let's have lunch,

talk about it, see if this is a good fit.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

HETTY: Mm. now, Jay's

-double-handing it. -This is too many hands.

SASAPPIS: Thank you all

for gathering.

The day has finally arrived.

Ghost representative election day.

And now let's hear closing statements from our candidates.

First up, somehow representing the basement ghosts,

Isaac Higgintoot.

[clears throat] Thank you, Sasappis.

My fellow Ghostmericans,

it has been a long and eventful campaign.

And I have heard your problems,

and I have formulated solutions.

Remember, a vote for Isaac is a vote

for a movie-theater style popcorn machine

in the main lobby.

-Oh, yes! -ISAAC: And this is not

a false promise.

I have actually secured Samantha's agreement on this.

The aromatic scent of freshly popped corn

will waft

through these halls, you have my word.

-Yeah! -Whoo!

And now, representing the upstairs ghosts,

Flower Montero.

I'm nervous. I told her she should walk through Gabe

to get smart before her speech, but she refused.

Wanted to do it on her own.

Thank you, fellow ghosts.

I just have one question for all of you.

What is this for?

It's your closing statement for the election, Flower.

Right. The election.

We got to run that son of a bitch Nixon out of office, man.

By attending music festivals,

taking acid and sucking nitrous out of balloons.

Who's with me?

Yeah! [laughs]

We want the movie theater popcorn thing.

[chanting]: Popcorn thing!

Popcorn thing! Popcorn thing!

-Our girl's in trouble. -Popcorn thing! Pop...

TAD: I got to say,

the B and B is charming as hell, this restaurant is incredible,

and neither of you currently seems

the least bit stoned.

Ah. The lowest of bars, cleared.

-You love to see it. -[chuckles]

So, long story short- I don't know-

I'm feeling pretty good about this.

We certainly need the money.

But cards on the table- we're a little worried

about selling a majority stake in Woodstone. Right, Sam?

-Sam? -Oh. Sorry.

I downloaded the stupid game. I can't put it down.

I can help you get past that Monster Melon. Let's talk later.

-Now, where were we? -Look, I completely get it.

Woodstone isn't just a business. It's your home.

Which you are going to lose unless you close this deal.

I don't know what there even is to talk about.

TAD: But it's you guys I'm investing in.

I don't have time to be hands-on.

I like what you're doing. I want you to keep doing it.

So you're saying you want to give us money

to save the business so we can keep running it,

and nothing's gonna change?

She's one of the great summarizers of her era.

Yes. And, you know,

if a few headlines pop up here and there

about how Mayor Tad saved a local business

in an election year, well, you know, so be it.

So, what do you say?

Uh... we're in.

Woodstone is saved!

And it still doesn't mean you can't ask Kyle to move in.

Hey, Jay, bad news on the walk-in. Looks like

you might need a new control board.

Oh. Hello, Tad.

Mark.

You two know each other?

PETE: Am I crazy or do

Mark and Tad have some sort of score to settle?

TAD: Mark did some work

-on my kitchen. -JAY: Great.

He's our business partner. [chuckles]

He's the best.

Tad's interested in purchasing a part

of our share of the business.

I was interested.

Unfortunately, if Mark's involved, I'm out.

What did Mark do to this man's kitchen?

I ain't leaving. I want to find out.

I'm sorry. Are you saying you're not gonna invest

in the business because Mark is involved?

That's right. Going into business with someone

is all about trust, and Mark

is not to be trusted.

You said you wanted bullnose countertops.

I would never.

Everything about me says sharp edges.

Guys, this doesn't need to be a big deal.

-Misunderstandings happen. -TAD: Yeah.

It wasn't a misunderstanding. I couldn't have been clearer.

Yeah, I agree.

When we discussed this, standing in your kitchen,

you clearly stated you wanted bullnose.

That is not what I said.

Two alphas going at it. I'm loving it.

Yup. She loves alphas.

Look, I like you guys, I like your business,

I like the optics of me saving the day.

But it's either him or me.

Let me know what you decide.

Screw that guy.

Trust me, you're better off without him.

Oy vey. That deal fell apart faster

than when I took the Hobby Lobby guys to Scores for lap dances.

What are we supposed to do? We're deep in debt.

We need this Tad deal to go through, babe.

You got to solve the Tad-Mark beef.

Get those two to kiss and make up.

Alberta says we need to get Tad and Mark to resolve their issue.

How? It's a he said-he said.

No one who wasn't standing in that kitchen with them

knows the truth about how it really went down.

Then why don't we see if anyone else was in that kitchen?

HETTY: You've got ghosts.

Specifically, one who can leave the property.

Okay, Jay, what if we sent Pete over to Tad's house

to see if there were any ghosts who witnessed the conversation

that Mark and Tad are arguing about?

Maybe there's a ghost who heard something helpful.

Interesting. It's worth a shot.

HETTY: And if it doesn't work out,

are debtors' prisons still a thing?

They may be satisfied with just the husband.

That's some good news.

NANCY: I cast my vote for...

-Isaac. -[laughs] Thank you.

Another mark in the Higgintoot column.

This is turning into a bit of a landslide.

Don't be down, Flower.

There is still time to turn this ship around.

Is boat analogy 'cause, Viking.

You're the best, Thor.

I would like to vote in the ghost representative election.

Though I prefer theocracy over democracy.

Hi, Patience. It's been a minute.

Haven't seen you since the whole Christmas canoodle with Trevor.

A lapse we shall not speak of again.

He proved to be a man of low morals,

his thick thighs and sublime buttocks notwithstanding.

Which leads me to the only question that matters.

For whom did Trevor vote?

He voted for Isaac.

Ah. Then I shall cast my vote for Flower.

-Oh, right on. -ISAAC [laughing]: No matter.

My lead is still comfortable.

RICHARD: Not so fast.

The bunker ghosts cast their votes for Flower.

[laughing]: Oh, hey, guys.

ISAAC: What? My former brethren.

Did our four hours in the cult together mean nothing?

Oh, sorry, Isaac,

but Flower freed us from Bruce's evil clutches.

And by my count, that is...

seven more votes for Flower.

And we're tied, folks.

-[laughs boisterously] -ISAAC: No, no.

FLOWER: Isaac, it's kind of a bummer

for either of us to have to lose.

What if we just did the ghost representative thing together?

A power-sharing arrangement?

Never. I have an idea.

So, you guys all still just

staying in bunker?

Yeah. Just seemed like the easiest thing.

Plus, the cots are super nice

now that the coroner removed all our corpses.

Yeah, it's a total refresh.

-Hmm. -Oh.

PETE: Well,

turns out a ghost at the mayor's house did witness

the infamous bullnose counter discussion in question.

Really?

Pete says a ghost at Tad's place did witness the conversation.

And the verdict is... [imitates drumroll]

Tad was telling the truth.

-[gasps] Mark is lying? -Seriously?

Not lying. Mistaken.

Uh, apparently, the original agreement had been

to install the bullnose countertops.

Mark had sold the mayor on the idea

that they were a "classic aesthetic

that would stand the test of time."

Same reason I installed an aquarium wall in my condo.

PETE: But importantly,

this conversation happened two years ago,

coinciding exactly with the last major update

to the game Fruit Smash.

Okay.

So, it turns out the mayor was clear

about wanting the straight-edge countertops

but Mark wasn't listening

because he was busy playing Fruit Smash.

Hey, so good news about the walk-in.

The control board's actually still under warranty,

so looks like you saved a few bucks.

Hey, Mark, the whole thing

that happened with the mayor's kitchen-

when was that, exactly?

Hmm, it's got to be... couple years ago, now.

Couple years ago. Wasn't that right around the time

of a new Fruit Smashupdate?

Why are you asking?

Oh, he's thinking maybe this'll jog Mark's memory. That's smart.

Well, it's just, um,

couldn't it be possible

that the mayor was clear about the countertops,

and you weren't listening

because you were smashing fruit?

[scoffs] I see what's going on here.

Look, if you want to side with the rich guy

so you can get your precious money, go for it.

No, Mark. It's not like that.

I'm your friend and your partner.

If you should believe anybody,

it's me, 'cause I'm in the right here.

Of course you are.

But what if you're not?

You know what? Forget you guys.

You want to get into bed with Tad? Go for it.

But make sure he buys my share, too,

'cause I don't want to be in business

with people who don't even trust me.

Mark, wait.

How do you get past Commander Cantaloupe?

JAY: Great. My best friend hates me

and thinks I don't trust him.

Whoa, best friend?

He means best visible friend, baby. He's upset.

Yes, this is unfortunate

on a personal level.

But at the end of the day, with Mark

hating you and wanting to be bought out,

the path is cleared for a deal with Tad.

Hetty's saying that with Mark walking,

it does kind of solve our problem with Tad.

I don't want to solve our problem this way.

There wouldn't be a restaurant if it wasn't for Mark.

I know. It doesn't feel good.

-Again, it was Hetty. -Mm.

-This is a stressful situation. -TREVOR: Yeah,

these kids could both benefit

from a little six-handed massage action.

I know these chicks from the Belfort bach.

They're probably in their 60s now,

but if you close your eyes, their hands are 25.

JAY: You know what? Mark doesn't think

that we trust him, but I know a way

that we can prove to him that we do.

Come with me, Sam.

Six-handed massage.

You are classless.

My aquarium wall would disagree.

SASAPPIS: Okay, well,

with all the votes recorded,

it's looking like this is an unprecedented tie.

-[lively chatter] -Unless there's

anybody who hasn't voted yet.

In fact, there is someone

who hasn't voted yet.

Bruce, the time has arrived.

-[lively chatter] -Oh, my God.

Howdy, everyone.

Oh, boy.

Where he come from?

We summoned him from the dirt.

We played Cream over a loudspeaker

until he came through the basement wall.

Sorry, Flower.

Really want to smell that movie-theater butter.

SASAPPIS: Um, okay, so, uh,

probably a formality, but Bruce,

who do you vote for?

Who do I vote for? Hmm.

That is a very interesting question.

I spent the last month

wandering around in a dark exile,

foisted upon me

by this traitorous woman I now stand before.

Not looking good for Flower.

I had a lot of time to think in the dirt.

Think about ways to plot revenge.

-Ah. -But then a funny thing happened.

Between the bouts of pure panic,

there was a clarity that settled in.

And I realized

I was grateful to Flower.

-I'm sorry. What? -ALBERTA: Oh,

-this is taking a turn. -For, by exposing me

as a fraud,

she freed me from my web of lies.

It is for that reason

that I cast my deciding vote...

-for Sister Flower. -[all exclaim]

Oh, come on.

Then it's official. Flower is the winner.

We have a new Ghost Representative.

-FLOWER: Yay! -ALBERTA: Yeah, Flower. Yeah! -[applause]

Hey, Mark, wait.

There's nothing left to talk about, Jay.

You have every reason to be mad at us.

We accused you of something that we couldn't prove.

But here's the thing. We don't just think you were wrong.

We know you were wrong.

-I'm sorry, is this an apology? -SAMANTHA: The reason that

we know what happened in that mayor's kitchen...

...is a ghost told us.

What?

Sam can see ghosts.

And we have a ghost on our property

who can travel to other properties.

It's a very rare and cool ghost power.

Anyway, our ghost talked to a ghost at Tad's house,

and that's how we know what happened.

-This is insane. -SAMANTHA: This is us

showing you how much we trust you.

By letting you in on our most closely-guarded secret.

Sam, ask the ghosts to do that thing where

they prove their existence. You're gonna love this.

SAMANTHA: Uh, sweetie, there aren't

-any ghosts out here. -Seriously?

They're always around except when you need 'em.

I'm gonna go. Don't call me.

Mark, hold on!

Just come back in the house. We'll find a ghost

and then, we'll straighten this all out.

Please.

Mark, you are my best visible friend.

I promise you, I wouldn't make this up.

Prove it.

SAMANTHA: You know what, I think they're in the barn.

Follow me.

Yep, here are the ghosts.

They're gathered for the ghost election.

Right. The ghost election.

Samantha, I have suffered an ignominious defeat,

but I would like to request that you still go forward

with installing the movie-theater popcorn machine

in the lobby, because the people deserve it.

-Aw. -Oh, hey.

What are you talking about?

What movie-theater popcorn machine?

I asked you earlier.

We had a whole conversation.

Was I playing a game on my phone?

-Perhaps. -Yeah, I don't

remember agreeing to any of that.

And it sounds insane

and expensive, so, sorry.

Oh. A colonial ghost wants a popcorn machine.

Welcome to my life.

[laughs] Guys, listen up.

We told Mark that Sam can talk to ghosts, and we

need your help proving it, so, uh, check his pockets,

see how many fingers he's got behind his back.

You know, the classics.

We happy to help. Want Thor do light thing?

Yes, great. The Viking ghost is gonna make the lights blink.

-Ah. -Yeah.

Wait one second, Thor.

I hate to do this,

but I do have a fiduciary responsibility

to my constituents.

We'll prove your abilities to Mark,

but we need your word that you will procure

that popcorn machine for the lobby.

Damn, Flower. Did you walk through Gabe?

No. I'm just momentarily lucid.

So, what's supposed to happen here?

Uh, Flower, are you extorting us?

Oh, yeah. Big time.

My God.

-She's good at this. -SAMANTHA: Okay.

Fine. You can have the popcorn machine.

-Yeah! -[cheering, laughing]

Thorfinn, do your thing.

Ah.

-[shouts] -[lights buzzing]

And that's just an amuse-bouche.

There's more.

On the one hand, I can't believe it.

But on the other hand, it explains so much.

I mean, no offense, Sam, but

your behavior has been deeply weird for years.

A lot of that behavior has nothing to do with ghosts.

We probably should have told you a lot sooner.

We've told very few people.

Oh. My office said you wanted to speak.

No. What is he doing here?

Did I not make myself clear? If he's in, I'm out.

I asked Sam and Jay to get in touch with you.

There's something I want to say.

Please just hear him out, Tad.

After replaying things in my mind a little bit,

I think, uh, maybe I got it wrong.

-Really? -I know I got it wrong.

So, I'm sorry. And as a gesture of my remorse,

I'm willing to redo the countertops, free of charge.

Actually, the bullnose kind of grew on me.

-Seriously? -TAD: You were right, man. It's timeless.

It was just the principle of the thing.

Your apology-

that's good enough for me.

So we have a deal?

We have a deal.

[laughing]

Woodstone is saved!

I know I screamed that earlier,

but this time, I think it's gonna stick.

Oh. Hey, man.

Madame Representative.

Isaac, we're friends.

You can call me Jennifer.

Wait, that doesn't sound right.

Did you come here to gloat, Flower?

Is this the type of reception I have to look forward to

over the next four years?

No, I actually came to ask you for help.

It's just, ghost rep seems like such a big job.

And I don't really have a lot of experience with politics.

I mean, I was orgy co-chair of my cult,

but that was mostly just picking the music.

What I'm saying is...

...I think I might need a vice ghost rep.

Really?

It's just, I don't really have the time.

I could use help carrying the load.

You know, public appearances, glad-handing.

All the boring stuff

where people are really just kissing your butt.

I mean...

I mean, I suppose, if it would help you,

I could...

take some of that butt-kiss receiving off of your plate.

Mm. I really appreciate this, Isaac.

You're welcome, Flower.

And if you must know,

I actually think

you're not going to be terrible at this.

With my help, of course.

Not terrible at what?

At being ghost representative.

Is it hard?

Oh, I was orgy co-chair of my cult,

but that was mostly just picking the music.

-Cool. -Mm.

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