Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold? ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet? ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

-♪ What a guy ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Ask his friends ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Ah, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Come on ♪

-♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Sun is shinin' ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

[Bob reading]

From the beginning, Hercules was a...

Well, he was a little cutie.

He made you want to tickle him

under the chin

and go goochee-goochee goo,

goochee-goochee-goochee.

Bob, what are you

goochee-goochee-goo-ing about?

Oh, uh, hi, I... [clears throat]

Yes, well, I...

I was just about to point out how heroic

Hercules was even as a baby.

Whoa. Being a baby doesn't take heroics.

Uh-uh. Now, caring for a baby,

honey, that takes heroics.

Midnight feedings, all that crying.

Changing nasty diapers.

All right, all right. I get your point.

But this story is about Hercules.

And as you may remember,

he had it tough right from the start,

when Hades' impish underlings,

Pain and Panic, tried to do him in.

Fortunately,

he survived that vicious attack

to become the brave, bold hero-in-training

we all know and love.

[snorting]

[high-pitched voice]

Oh, dear. This is terrible!

All right, come on.

Give me your best shot.

[growls]

[gasps] A fire-breathing bull?

You know, you might have

warned me about that.

-[both] Sorry.

-[Pegasus whinnys]

[yelping]

[blowing]

[sighs] Well, that should take care

of your Cretan bull problem.

[deep voice] Yeah. Nice going, jerk.

[in high-pitched voice] Uh, young man.

Well, I better be going. I'm--

[gasps] Oh, no!

Whew! It's safe.

Hmm?

Come on, Pegasus,

I'm late for school. Bye!

[both] Bye!

Aah!

He did it again!

Aw, he always does it again. Gah!

So, boys, how goes Operation Bull? Good?

Oh, the same as Operation Dragon,

Operation Lion--

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Don't forget Operation Rabid Chicken.

I told you that one wouldn't work.

[Hades] OK, here's one.

Operation "last chance."

I want Hercules down for the count

by sunset!

Or guess what? It's date night down under.

Just you and one of my old flames!

[Pain and Panic screaming]

[both] Ow.

[Euphrosyne] Simmer. Simmer,

simmer, class. [shushing]

Egg check!

Are you all caring for your egg

as if it was your own baby child?

Oh, you betcha.

You call me proud papa, Miss Euphrosyne.

I even named mine Bud.

Made him some wax wings, too.

Oh, this chicken is gonna fly, baby. Ooh!

[flapping]

[gasps]

Oh!

No, no, no.

Icarus, putting your egg at risk

is not the kind of responsible handling

I want to see.

Now, Adonis, where's your egg?

Not just an egg. The royal egg.

Ahh. How nice.

And, Hercules?

Oh. Where's Hercules?

Here I am! Whoops!

Wha! Oh! Oh! Oh!

[screaming]

[grunts]

[gasps]

Ooh.

Ah. Oh.

All in one piece.

Hmm. So I see.

And how about you, Cassandra? How's your--

[gasps] egg?

-[gasps]

-[screams]

What?

Sweet Zeus! Don't look, Bud!

[Pain] Why doesn't Hades

just give up on Hercules?

We'll never beat him.

We couldn't even beat Hercules

when he was, like, a kid.

[Panic] Of course, back then

we didn't know he was freakishly strong.

Yeah. If we did,

we would've taken precautions.

[dings]

[reading]

Mmm! Mmm!

These are, these are plump.

[belches]

You know, it's too bad we can't go back

in time to when Hercules was a baby.

Yeah. Hey!

What if there was a way

you could make Hercules go back in time?

Say, to when he was a baby?

We are all ears.

There is a spring called Canathus.

Its powers are most wondrous.

Splash once, and age it will reverse.

Splash twice, and gone will be the curse.

I don't suppose you know

where this magic spring is. Do you?

Of course we know. We're the fates!

But I'm afraid we've said too much.

It's on the dark side of

the Stymphalian swamp.

You can't miss it.

[Pain] Thank you, ladies.

Shouldn't you have told them

that no one has ever returned

from the Stymphalian swamp?

Mmm...nah.

I never liked those guys.

OK, we got the magic baby formula.

Now let's go.

This place makes my knees knock.

Ah, you baby. It's kind of scenic.

Well, except for those big eyes.

[both] Eyes?

[both screaming]

[growling]

[Pain and Panic screaming]

[horse neighs]

All right, flap and rest, flap and rest.

That's it.

And remember,

never fly too close to the sun, son.

[laughs]

Or too close to Cassandra

when she's hungry.

The egg was delicious.

Ooh. Egg salad.

Ah! Don't listen, Bud.

You weren't supposed to eat your egg.

You were supposed to learn

to be a responsible and caring person.

Hasn't home greconomics

taught you anything?

Sure. It taught me

how to make the perfect omelet.

Besides, that egg baby project

was just ludicrous.

I could be caring...

for someone I care about.

Ahh. Like me? [growls playfully]

You'd be an omelet.

Hey, I've been fried before.

Here you go. Free refill.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, Jercules. Thank you.

I am a bit parched.

All right, Adonis. This has gotta stop.

Uh... Hey, where'd he go?

Well, he probably ran off.

Afraid I might come after him next!

Yeah, nothing but a big baby.

But not as big as you might think.

[babbling]

You think this cute little fella's Adonis?

No way.

Jerky! Jerky!

Aah! It's Adonis.

Baby Adonis? I don't get it.

I mean, h-h-how could this--

Something weird is going on.

Oh, come on.

So Adonis is somehow turned into a baby.

Stranger things happen.

Well, OK. No, they don't. Are you happy?

Ooh. He's wet.

You know, he is a cute little baby.

Just help me squirt this thing.

[Pegasus neighs]

Ready, aim, water!

Come on, Pegasus.

We have a crisis here.

Pegasus?

-Oh, no!

-[Pegasus neighs]

Adonis!

Ooh-whee!

I'll save him. Watch Pegasus.

This time, wait for a clear shot.

[Pain] Oy! Ay!

This is all getting very confusing.

Hold on, Adonis!

[Icarus babbling]

That's not funny, Icarus.

Icarus?

Well, at least you're finally

acting your age.

[gulp]

[gasping]

Wee!

Wee!

Whoa! Whoa!

OK. You're safe. Now come to uncle Herc.

Jerky! Jerky!

Ow!

Oy!

M-m-mama.

I am not your mother.

Ooh. Mama.

[growls]

More problems?

Not for me.

I don't need a vision

to see this means trouble.

Unc Jerky! Jerky!

[gasps]

Ga! Ga!

This is not happening.

This is just a bad dream.

[sighs] I'm not ready to be a mother.

I am so not ready.

[Hercules] ♪ La la la la! ♪

[babies playing]

[Cassandra] Adonis, put that down.

Mmm.

Icarus, put that down!

Hercules, put me down!

And you, stop flying around!

[giggles]

We did it?

[both] We did it!

♪ Hercules is a baby! ♪

♪ Hercules is a baby! ♪

Yeah.

And now we can finally finish our job.

[screams]

[grunting]

[laughing] He thinks you're a squeeze toy.

[gasps]

-Me! Me!

-Mine! Mine!

Whoa, uh, kids? Please put that down.

That's not a toy!

[Icarus] Mine! Mine!

Boys?

Where the-- What is that?

[screams]

[crying]

Give me that.

Hades' little helpers.

I should have known.

Yeah. Careful.

Don't mess with us.

We've got special underworld powers.

[belches]

We can turn into anything.

[growls]

[crying]

Start talking.

[shuddering] Look, honest.

I don't know anything

about a plan to turn Hercules into a baby

with the magic spring water of Canathus

so that we could do him in

because we messed up

the first time we tried.

Oops.

Adonis, don't put that in his ear.

You turned them into babies

with magic water?

Great. Well, you've had your little fun,

now turn them back.

Pegasus, don't eat that!

Uh, OK. I'll turn them back. It's simple.

One squirt, they're a baby, two squirts,

they're back to normal, no problemo.

[slurping]

Small problemo.

It appears we're a bit dry.

So get more.

I don't wanna go back there.

[stuttering] It's too far and creepy.

[screams]

And they're kind of cute as babies.

Don't you think?

[groans]

[grunting] OK! OK! I'll take you.

Thank you.

But, uh... [sniffing]

don't you think you should

change some diapers first?

-[buzzing]

-[Cassandra sighs]

We're here, the Stymphalian swamp.

[chuckles in fear]

Good. Because if I have to say,

"don't put that in your mouth"

one more time, I'm gonna scream.

On second thought,

I think I'll scream anyway.

[buzzing]

Look, little baby. A bally.

Ball! Ball!

Yeah, that's it. Get the friendly ball.

[laughs wickedly]

Whoo!

Oh, uh, it's a joke, a silly joke.

A bad silly joke.

Oh. Oh.

[Hercules] Ball!

[giggles]

Ball! Ball!

That's not a ball. It's a beehive!

[all] Ball! Ball!

Fine. It's a ball.

Bad ball. Don't touch.

OK, where's your magic spring?

Through there, on the other side.

Can't--can't miss it. Have a nice trip.

[Panic yelps]

Where do you think you're going?

Diaper run? Heh.

Show a little responsibility.

Do you want your friend

to be a baby forever?

Do I have a choice?

Hey! Stop that!

Whoa!

Can we go now?

And, Hercules, put down the wagon.

Maybe we can get him to move that big log.

Oh, never mind. It's moving itself.

Can logs do that?

-What do you think?

-[gasps]

Hercules? Where's Hercules?

Wee!

Ball! Ha ha! Ball!

Hurry. Go hide.

Oh, you care about me.

No one ever cares about me, except Hades,

and that's kind of a tough love.

Can we talk about this some other time?

Come on. This is a breakthrough.

Throw the ball. Throw the ball.

Ew! Heh heh. Ball.

[buzzing]

Ball gone.

Yeah, ball gone.

And now I want you gone. Go on. Scoot.

[Hercules giggles]

Whew.

[screams]

[screaming]

OK. Diapers loaded?

Fire away.

Hey, look, everybody! Mommy's back!

You know, they are kind of cute.

Aww.

And to think they're our little brood.

Don't push it.

Um, I think maybe there's something

I should've mentioned a little earlier.

[Panic chuckles]

What's that?

Well, you know,

this is the Stymphalian swamp,

home of the Stymphalian birds.

The big, big, birds

with the big, big beaks

and the big, big sharp claws.

[squawking]

Yeah. Maybe you should've mentioned it.

Get away!

Meow.

That's OK, little partner.

I'll handle this.

[roars]

[growls]

Now, that's a helpful trick.

The babies!

Graa-hoo!

We did it! We did it!

Is somebody missing?

Oh, no.

My babies!

Did I just say that?

[grunts] Ugh! Whoa, big egg.

Oh!

I see.

I'm supposed to be

the chick's first solid food.

I should warn you, I lack

all the essential vitamins and minerals

that a healthy baby needs, and--

[squawking]

Do something! Your baby's gonna sink!

Right. And you don't swim.

And I've suddenly gotta become

Miss Swamp mom.

Whoa!

Ugh! Hold on, egg. I've got you.

There. You're safe now.

But I'm not.

Mama!

OK, real good.

Hey! What do you know? There it is!

The spring of Canathus. [exclaims]

OK, who wants to take a bath first?

-[insects buzzing]

-[babies babbling]

Aw, come on.

You don't need a bath just to grow up,

You just need a bath.

[babies shuddering]

Quack, quack. Last one in is a rotten--

[gasps]

[shuddering]

[Hercules grunts]

[pounding]

Whoo-hoo! He saved--

Gaa! Help!

[Cassandra] It's all right.

Mama.

Yes!

Yes! Ha ha! Way to go, Hercules!

You're my hero.

Panic, um, are you,

uh, feeling, like, normal?

[smacking lips]

Hey! Why's it taste

like I've been eating worms?

[screams]

[laughing]

[exclaims]

So, how goes Operation Last Chance?

Any results?

And why is everybody wearing diapers?

Yeesh. Uh, never mind.

This one, I don't wanna know.

I just wanted to tell you...

I think we were a great couple.

[chuckles]

OK, maybe Hades doesn't want to know

why we're wearing diapers,

but, uh, I sure do.

Don't worry.

I'll explain it all on the way home.

And you're gonna love this one.

Somehow I find that hard to believe.

[Bob] And so, after hearing about

their harrowing infant exploits

and their heroic rescue by Cassandra,

her friends were quick to express

overwhelming gratitude.

Wow. I don't know what to say,

Cassandra, except,

please never tell anyone

that you changed my diaper!

Please! I'll do your homework for a year!

I'll carry your books for 25 miles!

[theme music playing]