Original subtitles

♪ Who put the glad in gladiator ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theatre ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor Hercules ♪

♪ What a guy ♪

♪ Ask his friends ♪

♪ Honey they won't lie ♪

♪ Oh Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one a zero zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

[narrator] The city of Athens --

during the day a glorious metropolis,

but after dark,

a place of mystery and shadows,

of chilling --

[man 2]

Midnight, Athens --

Who said that?

-A long, dark hunt --

-Is that another narrator?

Soon, very soon,

The Grim Avenger will be avenged...grimly.

So that's how it is, huh?

Replaced without a single word of thanks.

Well, fine. I'm outa here.

[crashing]

[crackling]

[evil laughter]

Whoa! According to the Greekly World News,

that laughing maniac

has toppled two temples

in two nights, and --

Why isn't anyone listening to me?

We don't want to break a trend?

Sorry, Herc, just trying to get

a gander at the new guy.

Wet paint.

Hey! I like! I like, huh?!

Snazzy!

New guy?

[sighs ]

Another rich, royal brat.

This one's Theseus, Prince of Attica.

Ooh, he's so dreamy!

So cute!

So rich.

Such a pleasure to be here.

I've heard so many wonderful

things about Athens.

Of course, this one-donkey town

is no Thrace, believe me.

[chuckles]

By the way, I'm Adonis, Prince of th--

Don't get me started on Thrace.

The royal family thinks

a fringed chiton is high fashion.

[chuckles]

I haven't worn fringes in three weeks.

I don't know where

he gets his information.

It's obviously out of date.

Well, you were right, Cassums,

just another prince.

[sighs]

[gasps]

[gasps]

[sighs]

[Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet" plays ]

Where you going?

[sighs]

To introduce myself.

Aaah! You're swooning!

-Am not!

-[gasps]

Oh, you are!

Did you really think

that I wouldn't notice?

Have you a nuance

that's not carved upon

my untamed heart?

Don't I know your every move?!

Well, except, possibly, this one.

Well, no wonder everyone likes Theseus.

He's handsome, charming...

...and incredibly rich.

-He's got it all.

-He's got it all.

-I hate him!

-I hate him!

[whinnies]

[evil laughter]

[Hercules] Okay, Pegasus,

we hear the laughter.

We see a mysterious figure,

we have our temple toppler.

[whinnies]

Sir, I believe the Athenian

authorities would like a word.

Caught off guard by the stranger's voice,

the grim avenger turns.

Excuse me? Are you talking to me?

Two new players join the game.

But are they friends or foes?

So, you call yourself The Grim Avenger?

You know my name?

My reputation precedes me!

Y-e-e-eah, by about six seconds.

Listen, uh,

you seem a bit...troubled.

And I really don't want to hurt you,

so how about coming along quietly?

The Avenger hears the only sound

capable of sending a chill

down his generally tempered spine.

Not quite the answer I was expecting.

Depart! Before the real trouble begins.

Trouble, huh?

Okay, if that's how you want it,

but I should warn you -

My name is Hercules,

and I'm a hero...in training.

Provoked, The Grim Avenger

twists around and flips

the young hero on his back.

[neighs]

The Grim Avenger fires his

crossbow of grim justice.

Pegasus!

Ah!

Aaaaah!

[groaning, straining]

Pegasus!

Over here!

[neighs]

Whoa!

[neighs]

Aaaah!

Despite their embarrassing defeat,

Hercules and his steed

have impressed The Avenger

as worthy opponents.

But that is an impression

he will never reveal.

-[evil laughter]

-What's that noise?

No, not now!

So that maniacal laughter wasn't you?

Whoops.

Wait, it's all a big misunderstanding!

The Avenger has sworn

that nothing will prevent him

from bringing his nemesis to justice.

Aah! And yet --

Where's The Avenger?

Long ago, the Grim Avenger took a grim vow

to grimly avenge himself upon his nemesis.

Found him!

But trapped under a ton of rubble,

The Avenger fears

that once again he has failed.

Failed. Failed!

Hold on! I've almost got you!

Yes!

[evil laughter continues]

No!

Avenger, listen. It's not your fault.

I'm to blame. Typical rookie mistake.

Picking a fight with the wrong guy.

The Avenger suddenly sees

his former foe in a new light.

But can he trust this eager

would-be hero with the truth

of his grim and righteous cause?

[gull cries]

Um, can I take this off now?

You may.

Wow! Cool barge!

But you were blindfolded.

How did you know you were on a barge?

[cries]

Lucky guess?

The only luck we've had tonight.

Once again, the temple-toppling

minotaur has escaped me.

That was the minotaur?

You fought the minotaur? Me too!

I first encountered him

while trapped in a labyrinth.

-Me too!

-Fortunately, I was able to escape

with the help of this magic thread.

Ha! Me too!

Well, actually, he had the magic thread.

I-I-I smashed my way out of it.

But all in all, we have a lot more

in common than I thought.

Although, I'm not too clear

on the whole face-hiding thing.

Ah, it's a look.

What Hercules doesn't know

is that The Grim Avenger

has been tracking the minotaur.

From city-state to city-state.

And what drives The Avenger's grim quest?

Well, maybe it's because you --

The Avenger doesn't know.

Maybe it was that temple

that toppled onto his head.

Listen, Grim, let me help.

Together,

I know we can catch The Minotaur.

A tempting offer,

but The Avenger is a lone wolf,

a solitary warrior for justice.

One mortal man against

mythic forces beyond his --

Look! You're in Athens.

It's my town! Come on.

An heroic team up? Cool!

We'll meet again. Tomorrow night.

Okay. Where?

Don't worry. I'll find you.

[whinnies]

Cassandra, of course I'd believe you

if you sense danger approaching.

I sense danger whenever you're near me.

Tsk. You...

[growling]

Take it easy, Icarus.

Theseus seems like an okay guy.

Oh, yeah, he's okay.

Maybe too okay!

Fellow Prometheans.

A little announcement --

tonight, at the family villa,

an Adonis blow-out bash.

Be there or be Mesopotamian.

[cheering]

[chanting] Party! Party!

Yes!

Of course, only the elite will be invited,

which, I'm afraid, leaves you out.

Ooh.

Hmmm. A crowded party.

Tonight.

But of course I won't be there.

I'm throwing my own little extravaganza...

at The Temple of Aphrodite,

and everyone's invited!

[cheering]

[screams]

I hope you'll be there,

Cass...to warn me of danger.

I can see myself making an appearance.

Aaaah!

Theseus, this party has me worried.

Because you might not be

able to get a date?

Well, yeah, there's that, but no!

Having it could attract The Minotaur!

My plan exactly.

[cat screeches]

[Minotaur] Perfect.

Toppling temples is so much more fun

when there's an audience

for the temple to fall on!

[evil laughter]

[indistinct conversations]

[rock music plays]

Okay, all I'm saying is

that there's absolutely

no way that I'm going to pretend

to like Theseus

just because he throws

some crummy little party!

No, sir, I cannot be bought!

Wow! Check out the buffet!

Theseus! Buddy! You are the best, man!

This looks delicious.

I can't understand

why no one would believe me

when I warned them the temple

was going to be toppled.

Welcome to my world.

Cassandra, Hercules,

I'm so glad you could come.

[Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet" plays]

So, Theseus, which tables are reserved

for royalty?

At my parties, everyone's equal.

Sit where you wish.

Come, allow me

to get you some refreshments.

[giggles]

I don't get it.

What's the point of being rich

if you're going to nice to everyone?

[evil laughter]

Well, someone's having a good time.

[indistinct conversations]

Oh, excuse me,

I didn't know this closet was --

Theseus?!

Quiet!

You're The Grim Avenger?

Me being the only new kid,

it was a dead giveaway, huh?

Oh, y-yeah, yeah, sure.

I, uh, I-I-I knew it all the time.

But then -- ow!

Excuse me.

Why did you throw a party in a temple?

-That's my cape.

-Oh, sorry.

It's the perfect way to lure

The Minotaur into the open.

Yeah, and it's also the perfect way

to put all my friends at risk.

-Oops!

-Sorry.

No risk. Tonight, The Minotaur's

reign of terror

comes to a permanent end.

[crash]

Permanent? As in...

Permanent.

Isn't that a little harsh?

Why don't we just capture him,

turn him over to my dad, Zeus?

As Theseus dons his helmet,

he loses his identity --

perhaps his very humanity --

to The Grim Avenger.

This ends tonight.

Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

Actually, I'm going to

have to insist on leading.

You can follow or get out of the way.

Look, let's just get out of here

before somebody gets hurt!

Ooh, sorry.

No, my fault.

Hey, what do I have to do

to get a little attention around here?

The Grim Avenger --

silent sentinel of sanity --

prepares to attack his dreaded nemesis.

You know, the sentinel of sanity

would be a lot more silent

if you'd just quit narrating

every move you make!

You mean --

you mean I said that out loud?

Yeah! There's somebody home.

[evil chuckle]

Time to party.

[screaming]

[laughs]

Let's just get this over with.

[laughing]

Grab hold!

Whoa!

Oooh. This is most uncomfortable.

Avenger, help me!

I can still get him!

Wait! Quick! Everyone! Run! Get out!

Oh, well. There goes his cleaning deposit.

Poor Theseus.

Well, not exactly poor --

[growls]

Am I the ultimate party crasher or what?

Aaah!

Aaah!

No!

[groan]

-Over here.

-[gasps] Oh!

[groaning]

This is all my fault.

[Minotaur laughs]

No. This is the Minotaur's fault.

And he...will...pay.

[moaning]

He's --

he's opening his eyes.

Whoa! That horseradish

packed some punch!

Hey! Who are you?

The Grim Avenger.

Okay.

Ha! This is a dream, right?

Ow!

Careful.

You've broken your leg.

You noticed! You care!

Has anyone seen Theseus?

Aah! I spoke too soon.

Uh, Theseus. Right.

He's fine. He asked about you.

Yeah, he asked

if you would look after Icarus.

-He did?!

-He did?

Trust me. Those were his exact words.

Take care of him, Cassandra.

We've got a minotaur to catch!

Pegasus!

[whinnies]

And so, destiny calls.

And The Grim Avenger prepares to --

[clears throat]

Yes, right, well...

shall we go?

[neighs]

[Minotaur laughing]

There!

Faster, Pegasus!

[Pegasus neighs]

[minotaur laughs]

Come on, heroes. Show me what you got.

Ugh!

Hercules, look!

-[gasps]

-[Theseus] Temple row.

Every deity in Greece

has a franchise here.

We're playing into his hands.

Let's regroup --

come up with a plan.

This ends tonight.

Lead, follow -- [sighs]

just get out of my way.

-Was I like that?

-[neighs]

[growls]

[groans]

Ha! Come on. You can do better than that!

Aaaaah!

Whoa!

If Herc keeps this up,

he'll topple more temples

than the Minotaur.

Ugh!

Aaah!

Aaaah!

[growls]

Aah-ooh-ah!

Wha--?

Daaah!

We've got him. It's over!

I'll tell you when it's over.

[groans]

That's right, kid.

Gotta keep showing them who's in charge.

Aaah!

Aaah!

Herc, stop! Look what you're doing.

He's to blame!

Aaah!

[laughing]

Ooh. Not me, pal.

I'm just playing the cards

the Gods dealt me.

Whoa. Half man, half bull.

Strong and not particularly graceful.

One little china shop,

and they lock you in a lousy labyrinth.

You know how much I hate labyrinths?

Aaaah!

We all have our little problems.

And the son of Zeus will make sure

you never harm anyone again!

Was that narration?

What?!

I'm not saying it was,

but it sure sounded like it.

No way!

He's right. Sounded like narration.

Well, maybe it was

a little pompous, but --

Take hime in Herc,

turn him over to Zeus like you said.

No, I've got to finish this job.

Your job isn't to finish it.

Your job is to be a hero.

And what kind of hero

do you want to be?

Ooh! Good question!

Do you mind?

Be yourself. Be Hercules.

'Cause even I don't want to be

The Grim Avenger anymore,

and neither of us

wants to be like...him.

Hey!

Look, do what you want, but, please --

no labyrinths.

I hate labyrinths.

All those twists and turns.

I'm claustrophobic. I sweat.

And the fur gets

that wet, funny, sweaty smell.

And -- and --

and I'm going to the labyrinth, right?

Hey! Want to sign my cast?

Come on. Anyone?

Does anyone want to...

sign my cast?

-Please?

-I'd be honored.

You?!

Don't worry, Icarus.

Theseus is returning to Attica.

Aaah!

Well, then, by all means...

sign away.

Ow! Ow! Thank you. That's good. Ow! Ow!

What a sweet inscr--

ow! Ow! You're too kind.

Ow! Thank you.

Ah, Theseus.

I hear you're going home.

Competing with me must really take a toll.

Believe me, just being

around you takes a toll.

I thought so.

[chuckles]

Hey! Was that a shot?

I only regret I didn't take the time

to truly enjoy your company.

[sighs]

[Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet" plays]

[screeches]

Now this I should have seen coming.

You know, if you ever need --

same here.

You know, there's still one

thing that's bothering me.

The Grim Avenger --

who was that helmeted man?

I guess we'll never know.

[narrator]] Okay. Now that the characters

are done narrating,

maybe we can get back to having

a paid professional do the job.

[clears throat]

The end.