Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold? ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet? ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

-♪ What a guy ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Ask his friends ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

-♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Ah, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

-♪ Come on ♪

-♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Sun is shinin' ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

[Aladin reading]

[mockingly] I'm a hero in training.

Brrr!

Make a left, boom. Hercules cuts me off.

I fake right, bam! He intercepts.

What do I gotta do to get

this mutt out of my face?

[minion] Uh, pardon us, oh, scheming one.

What?

We're having some difficulty

with a new arrival.

He doesn't quite "fit in," shall we say?

They sent another live one? What?

[chuckling] No, no. This is different.

Yeah! Oh! This one gives us the willies!

Ay! Chicken minions. All right.

OK, so...

What's the riff on the stiff?

[ghostly moaning]

He was right there!

Yeah! A real complainer!

OK. What did he look like?

Tall, uh, dark, um... W-well-dressed.

And his beard was so, uh...

Twisted?

I'm assuming

that was just a lucky guess, right?

[clears throat] Behind you.

Aah! Aah!

[minions clucking]

Are you in charge here?

Hades, lord of the underworld.

How you doing?

Your host with the ghosts. [laughs]

Charmed.

You see, there's been a grievous error.

[clucking] Clerical!

Oh, of course! I'm sorry!

It's a mistake, of course.

Tell me a new one. Face it. Come on.

You are, to put it gently, dead.

OK? Wrong side of the grass.

Let's start focusing

on the quality-of-the-afterlife thing.

So why don't you take a dip

in the ol' River Styx here

-and sayonara, babe. OK?

-This is an outrage.

I am Jafar, the scourge of Agrabah,

once the most powerful sorcerer

in the world!

Good for you, you big scary

boogerhead, you.

Whoo! Booga, booga, booga! [laughs]

Get him out of here, will you, boys?

Right! Come on, troublemaker!

What is this?

Trying to overthrow

someone else's kingdom, hmm?

Yeah, Mount Olympus, actually.

It's, uh, uh... Excuse me.

I, myself, endeavored

to seize the throne of Agrabah.

I was even an all-powerful,

immortal genie...

briefly.

Something must've gone way wrong,

don't you think, pal?

An impudent young street rat

named Aladdin interfered

and unraveled all my carefully laid plans

of deceit and conquest.

Really? Hmm?

You don't say?

Hey, uh, do you like ambrosia?

So Jercules actually carries the sun

out of here, and Zeus wins again.

This kid is driving me meshuga.

This foe actually lifted the sun?

Yeah, lousy demigod strength, huh?

If he had a brain, then he'd be dangerous.

[sighing]

Well, after Aladdin and his trickery,

a muscle-bound ox like Hercules

will be child's play.

Oh, really?

You care to back that up, you stiff?

In a heartbeat,

which I don't have insofar as I am dead.

Of course, you could remedy that.

Eh, what do I got to lose? OK, my bro!

You're back with a vengeance!

Badda-bing!

Yes. Yes! I am alive again!

And ready to exact my revenge

upon Aladdin!

Yah! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah! Hoo hoo! Ha ha ha!

What is that? A bronchial thing?

As long as you hold that staff,

you are flesh and blood,

Emboldened, empowered

with incredible magic... Yada! Yada!

Yah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yah! Ha ha ha!

[singsong voice] Hello. Priorities, babe?

First, you take care of Jercules,

then, you're free to skitter off

and have your stinky little revenge.

You got it?

Oh, yes. Of course. Forgive my eagerness.

[chuckling] OK. No problem.

Now, go, get down, get funky,

get nasty, babe.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Not too bad, huh?

Took 'em all out with hardly a scratch.

All of them?

[groans]

That's what happens when you just

barrel your way through, rookie.

You got a good head on your shoulders.

Start using it

or you'll get in real trouble some day.

[crushing footsteps approaching]

[screeching]

[roaring]

[grunts] OK, Phil. I get the point.

Don't look at me. I didn't do this.

[wicked laughter]

But I did! Allow me to introduce myself.

I am Jafar, the greatest sorcerer

the world has ever known!

I'm just getting warmed up.

Whoa! Ooh!

Not particularly agile, are you?

No, but...

I hang in there!

Use your noodle, rookie!

No helping, goatie!

[muffled grunting]

[screeches]

[grunts]

Stop him, you fools!

-[roaring]

-[shrieks]

No!

[Jafar screaming]

Heh! All right! How was that, Phil?

I said, "use your head,"

not my house!!

Kid packed some punch, huh?

I was ill-prepared.

I never had to worry about

strength like that dealing with mortals.

Wait a minute. Hold on. "Mortals"?

This Aladdin yutz you've been going on

and on about is a mere mortal?

Well...yes. But a very clever one.

Ooh! A clever mortal!

Mommy, hold my hand! I'm scared!

Hey, Jafar, babe, face it.

Your boy is strictly amateur hour.

Insolent cur!

In battle, Aladdin would shame

and humiliate you!

OK, number one, this is my home.

I'm the one that does

the voice raising here, OK?

And number two, just 'cause it'll be worth

a chuckle or two,

I'll take on your boy, Aladdin, all right?

-And what's more, I will beat him.

-Doubtful.

Oh, yeah. You just keep thinking that, OK?

In the meantime, Jaffy,

may I call you "Jaffy," babe?

Let me show you how you're missing

the villain boat here, OK?

First of all, you the man.

You know what I'm saying?

A big, bad dude.

You got to use a minion or two.

I had a minion, a treacherous parrot!

Not a pet, a minion.

Pain, Panic, come here.

[both] Coming!

Nice, huh? Now, I give them some kind

of boilerplate instructions, right?

Bow before me, spread my evil,

eliminate Aladdin with extreme prejudice,

blah, blah, blah.

Got it, boys?

None shall avert us from your

dark intentions, your salaciousness.

Oh!

Not the best examples, but, hey,

I never get my hands dirty,

and they're housebroken...usually.

[minions screaming]

Now, feast your peepers on this.

-What do they call these again?

-Pants.

I like! No drafts!

Oh, forget it. They'll never catch on.

Now, come on!

We got to find this Aladdin kid!

Let's see. According to his rap sheet,

Aladdin also answers to...

"Al."

He wears a vest, no shirt,

and a rakish fez.

That's got to be our man!

[people screaming]

[shrieking]

We have you now, Aladdin!

Huh?

Well, he matches the description.

But he doesn't look very heroic.

Looks can be deceiving.

I'm Aladdin.

I think you have our monkey.

That's Aladdin?

Hmph. We'll have to update the database.

[shrieks]

[Abu crash]

[groaning]

Aladdin!

Thanks, Jasmine.

This will keep you under wraps.

-Ow!

-Ow!

[Aladin] What is this thing?

I've never seen anything like it.

What?

[grunts]

This time we really got ya!

OK, OK. You guys win, all right?

Look, do whatever you want to me,

just don't take what's in my lamp.

Why? What's in the lamp?

Must be something très cool!

Give it! Give it!

Sorry. Too slow.

Come here! Come here! Come on!

Give it!

Come on!

Come on, give it! Give it!

Let go! [grunts]

Ow! Ow!

A-ha!

Now, we'll just see what special goodies

you've got in here.

[gasps] Stop!

You have no idea

what's contained within that lamp!

What do you take us for?

A couple of rubes

fresh off the olive cart?

[minions screaming]

-[both grunt]

-[moaning]

Well, that was indeed worth a chuckle.

But I couldn't help but notice

that Aladdin is still alive!

You win.

The kid is trickier than I thought.

All right. Let's see.

Where to put the hydra? Hmm.

That's it?

Aladdin humiliated you!

Don't you want your revenge?

Uh, yeah, sure, OK.

How about I rule the cosmos first?

And then I'll take it, OK?

Priorities, Jafar, OK?

Eyes on the prize, babe.

Bah! The only prize I value

is Aladdin's head.

But I just can't defeat that boy!

Hmm.

Maybe I don't have to defeat him.

Tell me, Hades,

What happens when one hero

fights another hero?

Mayhem, uh, chaos, uh,

collateral damage, nice.

But, uh, how would that start?

Well, what if Aladdin and Hercules

were to have some sort of

terrible misunderstanding

with the proper motivation?

Oh, they would fight

until they destroyed each other!

I like it.

Ha ha! Yes! Yes! I shall have my revenge!

[laughs wickedly]

What's with the laughing?

What is that? Who does that help?

Well, it punctuates my evil.

It's a flourish.

[laughs wickedly]

[Hades] You are such a freak.

[chattering]

[screeching]

[chattering] Oh, boy!

[humming]

[Abu shrieks]

[whistling]

Whoa! Mama!

Banana!

Whoa! This is my lucky day!

Oh, man!

I am gonna be sitting pretty in bananas!

Potassium gold, baby!

Aah!

I don't know what your sicko game is,

but I'll tell you what I do know!

My pal, Herc, will not quit until--

Whoa! Monkey!

Cool!

This is Hercules' best friend?

Hey, at least he doesn't spend his days

picking fleas out of his fur.

That's true, as far as you know.

Anyway! Herc will not quit

until he's rescued me

from your vile clutches, buddy!

Aladdin too!

Oh, we're counting on your friends

rushing off to the rescue.

Isn't that right, Hades?

[laughs wickedly]

At last! Revenge will be mine!

Look, why don't you just hold

that till we win,

then, you can dance around the end zone

and just whoop it up!

Where could Icarus be? He's never late.

"Icarus," did you say, boy?

I believe that was the name of the lad

that got kidnapped.

Kidnapped?

Yes, whisked away

on a flying carpet to Agrabah.

A young rogue named Aladdin did the deed.

Well, I don't know who this Aladdin is,

but he picked the wrong guy to kidnap!

Show no mercy, boy!

What is this? A budget cut?

Hey, if you need some petty cash,

just ask, OK?

Give me that!

It's up to your miserable minions now.

Hey, trust me. Deceit they can do.

Abu's got to be here somewhere,

but I just don't see him.

Commence operation...

Hero versus hero.

Forget ever seeing

your monkey pal again, Aladdin!

I, Hercules, the scourge of Athens,

took him!

-What?

-[gasps]

He's gonna make a nice throw rug!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I think he went that way!

Carpet, let's move!

How was that?

Oh, man. You nailed that voice.

[both laugh]

[whinnying]

We got to find this Aladdin creep.

But where do we start? Oh!

Whoa! [neighs]

Maybe he'll find us!

Hercules!

It takes a lot of nerve

to kidnap someone's best friend!

[scoffs] Nobody knows that

better than you, Aladdin!

Who-o-a!

[grunts]

It's look, then leap. How hard is that?

Look, leap.

-[crashing]

-Ouch.

[crashing continues]

Ugh!

I'll say this once. [grunts]

I'm in no mood to play games!

[all] Whoa!

He's too strong to fight head-on.

I'll lead him away!

Come on, Hercules! Catch me if you can!

Hey, let me go, I--

I'd like to introduce myself.

Philoctetes, trainer of--

I'm married.

Oh, sorry, ma'am.

[whinnys]

[grunts]

That's the guy who took Icarus!

We've got to stop him!

Maybe a run through the city

will wear him down.

Let's see how he does

in the ally of a thousand sheets.

Whoa!

Ha! I knew that would work!

Aw! He walked right into that!

Don't just muscle through, kid!

Your noodle! Use your noodle! Oy!

[grunts]

OK. New plan. Head for that scaffold!

I'm getting so tired of this!

Ugh!

Uh-oh.

Not gonna try that again.

This guy is strong!

Really strong!

Hey, maybe we could use that.

Ha! Hiding?

No. Just waiting for you to catch up.

Ugh. When I get my hands on you!

Ha ha! if you get your hands on me...

Jercules.

You know, everybody thinks they're being

clever when they call me that.

But it's not...that...funny!

Maybe, but it so suits you.

-Catch!

-Huh?

Oh! [grunting]

I can get you out of this

if you tell me where Abu is.

Uh, I-I don't know

what you're talking about!

Well, then you think about it

under a ton of rubble. Bye.

I don't care about me,

but let my friend, Icarus, go!

Your friend?

Uh-oh. I think there's been a big mistake.

[gasps] Aladdin!

[neighs]

Oh, no.

Herc.

[Jafar and Hades laughing wickedly]

Hey, this is kind of fun. Yeah, I like it.

It's like, uh, it's cleansing.

Aw, kid.

[gasps]

[grunting]

[coughing] Thanks.

Aladdin!

Jasmine, I don't think

Hercules kidnapped Abu.

And I'm pretty sure

Aladdin didn't grab Icarus.

So...

This was a setup?

But who would want you two to fight?

I don't know. Maybe that Jafar guy.

[both] Jafar?

-No! It can't be.

-Jafar is dead.

Well, he sure seemed alive

when he attacked me.

Oh, no! Maybe he hooked up with...

Hades, lord of the dead!

Oh, boy. They're your kidnappers.

They must've thought

we'd crush each other.

Let's try this again. I'm Aladdin.

[chuckles] Hey, I'm Hercules.

Good to meet you.

So, where do we find our friends?

They got to be in the underworld.

But we go in there,

they'll throw everything they got at us.

It's worth the risk to save Abu. Let's go!

Hold on!

I wanna save my buddy, too,

But maybe there's a smarter way

than just barreling in.

He can be taught!

Oh, monkey! My buddy, Herc, is gone.

All is lost!

Hey, what are you doing?

Shh! [chatters]

Oh! Right!

Escape plan! Yes, monkey, yes!

I'll keep it on the QT.

Or as you might say, "eek, eek."

Oh, brother!

Than a gorgon hits them from the side,

bring in the river guardian

and badda-bing!

Olympus is mine! Oh, yes!

Delightful.

And then perhaps we could turn

our attention toward Agrabah.

Small potatoes. What? Agrabah?

What? You want to be a sultan

when you could be a god?

Jafar, lord of the dead.

Huh? What do you think? Do you like that?

Hmm. Intriguing. May I redecorate?

Yeah, sure. What do I care?

Throw up some drapes.

[Pain] Hercules and Aladdin are here!

And they're alive!

[both] What?

OK. Don't panic.

Heroes burst in all the time down here.

So, hey, why don't you take care of

a little, you know, on-the-job training?

-What do you say, OK?

-My pleasure.

Hello, Aladdin!

Remember me?

Just another blast from your past!

Oy. Puns.

Now here's something

even you can't outwit!

And so ends the street rat.

Don't think I've forgotten

about you, my friend!

Rocks! Whoa!

Your clumsiness

will be your undoing, Hercules.

This nimble scorpion should make my point!

That might work, Jafar...

if I were Hercules.

But I'm not!

What?

And I'm not Aladdin!

I'll take that!

Herc, care to do the honors?

Gladly!

[Jafar] No!

No!! It can't be!

No!

Good plan, Herc. Phil will be proud.

[sighs] That's just fine, you know?

I mean, I knew that Jafar guy was a jerk!

I mean, what could be more

aggravating than this?

[grunting and shrieking]

Take that you underworld boss, huh?

I tell you what, OK?

Drop it right now, and I won't make you...

permanent residents!

[both] OK.

[Icarus] Oh, yes!

Me and the monkey

kicked a little underworld tail!

Yes!

♪ Go, monkey! Go, monkey! Go, monkey! ♪

Thanks, a lot, Hercules.

You're gonna be one great hero.

Aw, thanks a lot.

And coming from you, that means a lot.

If you're ever in Agrabah, look us up.

Herc, can we get a monkey?

No.

Come on! A monkey?

No, Icarus.

What? Are you kidding me?

[Icarus groans]

[theme music playing]