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♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
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-♪ Is he bold? ♪-♪ No one braver ♪
6
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-♪ Is he sweet? ♪-♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
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-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
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-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
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♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
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♪ Smart and shy ♪
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-♪ And the nicest guy ♪-♪ No complainin' ♪
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♪ He was a no one ♪
19
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♪ Zero, zero ♪
20
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♪ Give him a quick deed ♪
21
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♪ He's our hero ♪
22
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
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♪ From zero to hero ♪
24
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♪ Herc is a hero ♪
25
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♪ He'll be a hero ♪
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Wait and see!
27
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,125
[Bob reading]
28
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[Hercules] To me that cloud up there
29
00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:12,000
looks like a hydra
30
00:01:12,083 --> 00:01:13,917
being slain by a brave hero.
31
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Hmm. Interesting.
32
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Ooh. That one over there looks like
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a field of wildflowers
34
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in which me and my sweet
Cassie of the valley
35
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are having a romantic picnic together.
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Ugh. And I'm supposed to be the one
who sees grim visions.
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[Helen] Hercules?
38
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Helen, what's the matter?
39
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It's Adonis. I'm worried about him.
40
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Welcome to the human race.
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Did he pull down your chiton
in gym class, too?
42
00:01:37,291 --> 00:01:38,458
Oh, no, silly.
43
00:01:38,542 --> 00:01:41,375
-He's been out of school for a week.
-Is he sick?
44
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[Helen] No, no, his servants endure
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all his diseases.
46
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I'm afraid something is really wrong.
47
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Uh, you folks know where I can find
48
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a, uh, heracles?
49
00:01:51,166 --> 00:01:52,041
Uh, Hercules?
50
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-Oh, yeah. My mistake.
-I'm Hercules.
51
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All right. Beautiful. Sign here.
52
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[gasps]
53
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That's one of Adonis' servants.
54
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[British accent]
"To my bosom buddy Hercules.
55
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,000
Just a note to remind you
56
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how much I value your friendship."
57
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:11,417
Oh, isn't that sweet?
58
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:12,917
What does he want this time?
59
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"You're probably wondering
what I want this time.
60
00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,250
It's like this,
61
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Help! You must rush to my aid."
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Don't listen.
63
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"Oh, but brave Hercules, you must listen.
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00:02:25,083 --> 00:02:28,500
I've been captured by the Spartan Officer
Training Corp."
65
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The Spar-OTC?
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00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:31,959
They're the elite of the Spartan
military machine.
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00:02:32,041 --> 00:02:33,500
"The brutes are torturing me.
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You're my only hope."
69
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Adonis a prisoner in Sparta?
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I've got to rescue him.
71
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Oh, Hercules, thanks.
72
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You're my hero.
73
00:02:44,375 --> 00:02:45,917
Well, Herc will need
a sidekick on this one,
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00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,291
so looks like I'm off to Sparta, too.
75
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:51,417
Sparta. Sworn enemy of Athens.
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Hotbed of brutality.
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City of big shoulders. Come on.
78
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,125
[hoarse whistle]
79
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Bon voyage. Don't drink the water.
80
00:03:01,291 --> 00:03:03,625
"I knew I could count on you."
81
00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:05,959
Please don't put me back in the box.
82
00:03:06,041 --> 00:03:08,041
[gasps] They put Adonis in a box?
83
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No, that was from me.
84
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:11,583
It's dark in there. I don't like it.
85
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Be on guard, Icarus.
86
00:03:14,041 --> 00:03:15,375
Sparta is the most brutal,
87
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war-mongering city-state there is.
88
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"Welcome to Sparta.
89
00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:22,083
Now go home."
Ho. You are not kidding.
90
00:03:23,875 --> 00:03:26,375
[Hercules] Now we just have to get in
and find Adonis.
91
00:03:26,458 --> 00:03:28,375
Well, lucky for us, I brought my wings.
92
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,000
I'll just fly over the wall,
93
00:03:30,083 --> 00:03:31,834
open the gate from inside.
94
00:03:31,917 --> 00:03:34,625
No, wait.
We can't risk being discovered.
95
00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:37,542
This calls for a sneakier approach.
96
00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:38,917
That might be our chance.
97
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,333
Halt. Who goes there?
98
00:03:40,542 --> 00:03:41,750
Laundry delivery.
99
00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:42,792
It's your uniforms.
100
00:03:42,875 --> 00:03:44,917
We got out almost all of the blood.
101
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Open the gate.
102
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That's your uniform, my friend.
103
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Wear it with pride.
104
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Icarus, we're here to find Adonis.
105
00:04:01,291 --> 00:04:03,875
That's no excuse for looking sloppy,
soldier!
106
00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:05,208
Whoa.
107
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:08,583
Nifty. Step lively, Herc. Aah!
108
00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:10,417
Would you come on?
109
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,959
[cook] Potatoes? I could cook
anything with them.
110
00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:16,250
Potato pancakes, potato soup,
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00:04:16,332 --> 00:04:17,750
potato dumplings,
112
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:20,875
cheese and potatoes, raw potatoes,
gaul-fried...
113
00:04:21,166 --> 00:04:22,291
Psst. Adonis.
114
00:04:22,457 --> 00:04:24,000
Don't hurt me. Hercules.
115
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,000
Hercules' ferrety little friend.
116
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,917
Thank the gods you've arrived.
117
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I feared the end was near.
118
00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:33,332
Uh, I thought you were being tortured.
119
00:04:33,417 --> 00:04:35,166
I am. Look at me.
120
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Stripped of my royal robes,
121
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forced to wear a common uniform
122
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and march from one end
of this place to another
123
00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:43,000
for no apparent reason.
124
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,332
Only a small cash payment to him
125
00:04:45,417 --> 00:04:48,625
saved my unblemished hands
from the scars of manual labor.
126
00:04:48,709 --> 00:04:51,417
Baked potatoes, mashed potatoes,
127
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,542
-sweet potato pie...
-Get me out of here.
128
00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:54,667
Well, what about your father?
129
00:04:54,750 --> 00:04:57,166
I mean, he is the King of Thrace.
130
00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:59,207
[sighs] Dadums sent me here.
131
00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:01,417
It was something of a surprise.
132
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:03,458
What?
133
00:05:03,542 --> 00:05:04,625
That's the way it is, son.
134
00:05:04,709 --> 00:05:06,709
In order to become King of Thrace,
135
00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,792
you must pass Spartan basic training.
136
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:11,500
Well, surely one of my servants can go
in my place.
137
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:12,667
Oh, good thinking.
138
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:13,709
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no.
139
00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:16,417
I did it and so did my dadums.
140
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,542
It's something of a family tradition.
141
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:21,375
But traditions are meant to be broken.
Am I right? Am I right?
142
00:05:21,457 --> 00:05:23,250
Not this time.
143
00:05:23,332 --> 00:05:26,834
Aah! No-o-o-o. Dadums! No!
144
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:28,792
I took the news bravely at the time,
145
00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:31,375
but this place is simply intolerable.
146
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,500
[sighs] Come on, Icarus. We're leaving.
147
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:35,500
You can't leave me here alone.
148
00:05:35,582 --> 00:05:36,875
The drill sergeant, Agamemnon,
149
00:05:36,959 --> 00:05:38,125
he's out to get me.
150
00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:40,625
Ten-hut. Well, well.
151
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:43,750
Sergeant, how nice to see you.
152
00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:46,457
-You look swell.
-Silence!
153
00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:48,667
I ordered you to peel potatoes, maggot.
154
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:51,291
You will do as I order.
155
00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:53,500
Is that clear?
156
00:05:53,582 --> 00:05:55,875
-What is your major malfunction?
-Admiring your medals, sir!
157
00:05:55,959 --> 00:05:57,875
I long to have my own, sir!
158
00:05:57,959 --> 00:05:59,582
Do I know you, soldier?
159
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:03,750
Just another faceless recruit
giving 110% for the glory of Sparta, sir.
160
00:06:03,834 --> 00:06:05,750
Take a lesson from this fine recruit,
161
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,208
you pathetic slug.
162
00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:11,542
Him?
I mean, of course, [coughs] sir.
163
00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:14,583
I've got my eye on you, pretty boy.
164
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,834
See? See?
165
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:19,166
All right, Adonis, I'll help you,
but not to leave.
166
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:21,875
If you work hard,
I'll help you pass basic training.
167
00:06:22,417 --> 00:06:24,542
In what way can that be construed as help?
168
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:26,959
Give a man a fish,
and he can eat for a day.
169
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:30,709
Teach a man to fish, and he can eat
for a lifetime.
170
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:33,667
[Agamemnon] Listen up, mealyworms.
171
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,834
Give a hale and hearty welcome
172
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,582
to the founder and patron of Sparta,
173
00:06:38,667 --> 00:06:40,792
otherwise known as the God of War.
174
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:44,875
Let's clap, and clap hard,
for Ares!
175
00:06:44,959 --> 00:06:46,750
[cheering]
176
00:06:47,332 --> 00:06:48,792
You're too kind. Too kind.
177
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,291
Please, please. You're embarrassing me.
178
00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,457
[cheering stops]
179
00:06:53,542 --> 00:06:55,457
-Rrr.
-[cheering resumes]
180
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:58,625
No, really.
That's enough. Enough.
181
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:01,750
[clears throat] You know,
we've got a saying here at the academy,
182
00:07:01,834 --> 00:07:04,250
the maggots and mealyworms of today
183
00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:06,750
are the brutal despots of tomorrow.
184
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:08,375
Let me tell you a little story.
185
00:07:08,792 --> 00:07:11,792
Long, long ago I looked upon this land
186
00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,709
and saw a savage wilderness,
187
00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:15,166
but I saw something else, too.
188
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,291
I saw the glimmer of a dream,
189
00:07:17,375 --> 00:07:20,834
a dream of senseless battle,
mindless obedience,
190
00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:22,457
and wanton destruction.
191
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,291
I saw Sparta.
192
00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:25,582
[soldiers] ♪ One heck of a guy ♪
193
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:29,125
♪ Benevolent, brave, and bold ♪
194
00:07:29,207 --> 00:07:32,500
♪ Long ago when Sparta was untamed ♪
195
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,542
♪ Awesome Ares pursued a dream ♪
196
00:07:36,709 --> 00:07:38,582
♪ He moved a mountain range ♪
197
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,417
♪ Plowed down the purple plains ♪
198
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,667
♪ And straightened outA wild and wandering stream ♪
199
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:48,125
♪ When bad Boreas blew onto the scene ♪
200
00:07:48,207 --> 00:07:51,500
♪ Our leader knew what must be done ♪
201
00:07:51,582 --> 00:07:53,166
♪ He spun the winning spin ♪
202
00:07:53,250 --> 00:07:55,000
♪ And broke the brutal wind ♪
203
00:07:55,082 --> 00:07:59,417
♪ And kicked Boreas squarely in the bum ♪
204
00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:03,083
Every year they sing that song.
205
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:04,625
I hate it.
206
00:08:04,709 --> 00:08:06,125
♪ La la la ♪
207
00:08:06,208 --> 00:08:08,000
I'm not listening.
208
00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:09,250
[band plays]
209
00:08:09,333 --> 00:08:14,375
Oh! I'm howling mad
and I'm not going to take it anymore.
210
00:08:14,458 --> 00:08:16,792
Oh, you got to love that song.
211
00:08:16,875 --> 00:08:18,750
Every time I hear it
it makes me feel like running out
212
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:20,792
and making war on somebody.
213
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,291
Hey, that's just what I'm going to do.
214
00:08:23,457 --> 00:08:25,375
Good luck with the rest
of your training, men.
215
00:08:25,457 --> 00:08:28,417
Remember, make war, not love.
216
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,457
You weren't singing, monkey boy.
217
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,917
Thanks to you, this entire platoon
218
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,792
will do 10 laps around the Coliseum.
219
00:08:35,875 --> 00:08:37,542
Only 10, sir?
220
00:08:37,625 --> 00:08:40,207
20 seems like a more fitting
punishment, sir.
221
00:08:40,290 --> 00:08:42,250
You heard him, weasels.
222
00:08:42,332 --> 00:08:43,917
20 laps.
223
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,333
Get moving.
224
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:48,250
-Move it!
-Icarus, what's gotten into you?
225
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,458
The soldiers' life, baby.
226
00:08:50,542 --> 00:08:53,165
I have found my calling.
227
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:56,375
Yes! Stand up straight.
228
00:08:56,583 --> 00:09:00,333
Left, left, left, right, left.
229
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,583
Left, left...
230
00:09:08,583 --> 00:09:11,208
[distant marching commands]
231
00:09:17,834 --> 00:09:19,417
Aah!
232
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,333
Unh.
233
00:09:29,125 --> 00:09:31,125
[strains]
234
00:09:48,959 --> 00:09:50,709
[all straining]
235
00:09:52,917 --> 00:09:54,290
[all moan]
236
00:09:59,875 --> 00:10:01,917
Listen up, gerbils.
237
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,458
You survived another day of training,
238
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:06,250
but tomorrow is the final phase,
239
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:08,291
the ultimate test.
240
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:10,291
In keeping with the Spartan way,
241
00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:14,041
you only graduate if all of you pass.
242
00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:15,917
If even one fails,
243
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,417
you all fail,
244
00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,083
and I got a feeling
245
00:10:20,166 --> 00:10:21,750
one of you isn't going to make it.
246
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:23,500
Isn't that right, princy?
247
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,750
Nighty-night.
248
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:26,959
Did you hear that?
249
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:28,834
He'll never let me pass.
250
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,792
Kiss my kingdom good-bye.
251
00:10:30,875 --> 00:10:32,125
[Icarus] Oh, you'll pass.
252
00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:34,625
You'll pass or this whole platoon
253
00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:36,917
is going to kick your royal--
254
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,417
OK. Listen, buck up, Adonis.
255
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,500
Hero rule #27 says to be a winner,
256
00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,750
you have to think like a winner.
257
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:46,165
Oh, stop blowing sunshine up my chiton.
258
00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:48,917
I don't stand a chance against Agamemnon.
The man is unprincipled.
259
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,500
-He won't even accept a bribe.
-What are you doing?
260
00:10:51,583 --> 00:10:53,000
What does it look like?
Getting out of here
261
00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,083
while I still have the chance.
262
00:10:54,165 --> 00:10:57,040
My mama didn't raise me to be no flunkard.
263
00:10:57,125 --> 00:10:59,458
You're not leaving, maggot.
264
00:10:59,542 --> 00:11:03,917
We'll stay up all night watching
just to make sure.
265
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,125
I got my eye on you.
266
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,667
Oh. Ah, me.
267
00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:13,583
[playing Reveille]
268
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,250
-[gunshot]
-Aah!
269
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:17,333
[all yawn]
270
00:11:17,417 --> 00:11:18,750
[yawns]
271
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:26,834
-Rise and shine, Adonis.
-Aah!
272
00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:29,583
I can't believe Adonis ran out on us.
273
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:30,917
I can.
274
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,290
Me, too.
275
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,125
Let's go find him.
He can't have gone too far.
276
00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:35,500
Don't be so sure.
277
00:11:35,917 --> 00:11:37,917
My wings are gone!
278
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,667
I'm flying! Flying!
279
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,583
Not that I ever doubted I could. Yikes!
280
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,000
Oh, oh, oh. Going up.
281
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:47,875
He could be anywhere by now.
282
00:11:47,959 --> 00:11:50,165
Roger wilco on that, good buddy.
283
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,000
I'll have to notify the SMPS.
284
00:11:52,083 --> 00:11:55,083
-The who?
-The Simps. Spartan military police.
285
00:11:55,165 --> 00:11:59,458
Nice bunch of guys. Might even give Adonis
a blindfold for his execution.
286
00:11:59,542 --> 00:12:02,834
Icarus, we're here to help Adonis,
remember?
287
00:12:02,917 --> 00:12:05,083
-Well, I'm here to get a medal.
-[guard] Halt.
288
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:07,291
Going somewhere?
289
00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:08,875
Ah.
290
00:12:08,959 --> 00:12:12,291
I told you this wasn't the way
to the mess hall.
291
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:13,542
Huh?
292
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:15,125
No sense of direction.
293
00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:17,250
You're stupid, right?
294
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:19,125
Ah, come on.
295
00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:22,458
[struggling]
296
00:12:23,583 --> 00:12:26,166
This flying requires actual effort.
297
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:28,125
What a time to be caught without servants.
298
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:31,208
Whew! Aah! Aah!
299
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:32,165
Ooh.
300
00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:39,125
Can you believe they still sing
that same stupid song every year?
301
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:41,333
I mean, let it go already.
302
00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:43,332
Yeah, well, I was just
passing through, Boreas,
303
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,583
and, uh, I've got like
a thousand errands to run,
304
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:47,125
so, uh, I, uh--
305
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,500
Sit. Always in a hurry.
306
00:12:49,583 --> 00:12:50,709
So tell me,
307
00:12:50,792 --> 00:12:52,750
who does that Ares think he is anyway?
308
00:12:52,834 --> 00:12:54,583
Arrogant loudmouth.
309
00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,834
Babe, look, if the song
bothers you that much,
310
00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:59,375
don't just sit around whining,
do something about it.
311
00:12:59,458 --> 00:13:00,834
That's not a bad idea.
312
00:13:00,917 --> 00:13:03,583
Fabulous. Glad to help. Got to jet.
313
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,458
I'll show Ares.
314
00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:09,000
He has such fond memories
of building his precious city-state.
315
00:13:09,083 --> 00:13:12,792
He'll get to build another one
after I deliver the fatal blow.
316
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,250
Fatal blow?
317
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:15,792
Blow. Get it?
318
00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:18,333
Ah ha ha ha ha ha.
319
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:20,500
I love wind humor.
320
00:13:20,583 --> 00:13:22,583
Ah ha ha ha ha.
321
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,250
Aah!
322
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:25,917
[whimpers]
323
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,208
Aah!
324
00:13:27,291 --> 00:13:30,000
The test is going to begin soon
and we can't even look for Adonis.
325
00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:32,040
Well, let's report him to HQ.
326
00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,959
For a couple of GIs working on the QT
327
00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:37,250
we are batting a big fat zilch
looking for the A-W-O-L.
328
00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,542
-What did you say?
-I don't know.
329
00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:42,417
I just love talking like that,
though, huh?
330
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:43,375
Aah!
331
00:13:43,458 --> 00:13:44,792
Ooh.
332
00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:48,040
Hercules, Icarus, I'm alive.
333
00:13:48,125 --> 00:13:50,542
Yeah, and you're just in time
for the test.
334
00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:53,000
Oh, Hercules. Ha ha.
335
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:54,750
Silly, misguided,
336
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,208
simple-minded Hercules.
337
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,834
Ha ha ha. There isn't going
to be any test.
338
00:13:59,917 --> 00:14:01,542
Well, that's where you're wrong.
339
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:04,250
You can't buy your way out of this one,
340
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:06,709
-Prince Pretty Boy.
-I don't have to.
341
00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:09,542
Boreas, the north wind,
is planning to destroy Sparta,
342
00:14:09,625 --> 00:14:12,208
thereby eliminating any need for me
to exert myself.
343
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,667
Ahh, good fortune.
344
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:15,542
Oh, my gosh. We got to warn them.
345
00:14:15,625 --> 00:14:16,959
Hold on.
346
00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:19,083
If Sparta falls, I'm off the hook.
Don't be a hero.
347
00:14:19,166 --> 00:14:20,917
Sorry, I am a hero.
348
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,333
That's why I'm here helping you, remember?
349
00:14:23,417 --> 00:14:25,709
Then again, maybe you're right.
350
00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:29,166
I'm sure you could always find a job,
right, Icarus?
351
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:33,417
After his court-martial here,
I seriously doubt it.
352
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,583
Job?
If you're trying to joke,
353
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:37,375
-it's not the least bit funny.
-No joke.
354
00:14:37,458 --> 00:14:40,500
If Sparta is gone,
you can't pass basic training,
355
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:42,542
and if you don't pass...
356
00:14:42,625 --> 00:14:44,333
Then I can't be the King of Thrace.
357
00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:45,917
[gasps] Don't just stand there.
358
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000
Do something heroic.
359
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,000
Visiting dignitaries,
360
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:55,625
fellow Spartans, welcome
to the ultimate test.
361
00:14:56,125 --> 00:14:59,834
[laughs]
Keep your eye on my boy Adonis.
362
00:14:59,917 --> 00:15:01,792
He'll be leading the pack.
363
00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:03,333
Don't count on it, Sinarus.
364
00:15:03,417 --> 00:15:06,458
Adonis couldn't fight his way
out of a paper bag.
365
00:15:06,542 --> 00:15:09,375
Why would my boy be in a paper bag?
366
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:13,458
What kind of an operation
are you running here, Agamemnon?
367
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,959
Uh, never mind.
368
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,959
And now, our recruits.
369
00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:21,792
[blows whistle]
370
00:15:22,959 --> 00:15:24,250
Sergeant Agamemnon,
371
00:15:24,333 --> 00:15:26,375
Sparta's in grave danger.
372
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:28,542
Resume formation, recruit.
373
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:33,208
But Boreas is planning to attack Sparta
during the ultimate test, [gasps] sir.
374
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,250
Every year some lazy recruit
375
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:39,709
tries to back out of the ultimate test
by making up some lame excuse,
376
00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:43,125
but this is the lamest ever.
377
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:46,165
Now get on that starting line!
378
00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:49,792
-The truth didn't work. Now what?
-I'm thinking.
379
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:53,208
On your marks,
get set...
380
00:15:54,709 --> 00:15:55,917
Whoa!
381
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,583
[audience cheers]
382
00:16:08,625 --> 00:16:10,667
[moo]
383
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:16,041
Ha ha. This is quite an obstacle,
Agamemnon.
384
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:18,709
What a challenge for the recruits.
385
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:21,166
This wasn't my idea, you idiot.
386
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:22,250
Oh.
387
00:16:22,375 --> 00:16:24,834
Well, kudos to whomever thought of it.
388
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:26,250
Job well done.
389
00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:28,417
[all screaming]
390
00:16:32,959 --> 00:16:33,917
[trumpets]
391
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:37,125
Hey, watch where you're going.
392
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:38,792
What's the matter?
393
00:16:38,917 --> 00:16:40,500
A little wind and you forget how to drive?
394
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,709
-Take that back.
-You going to make me?
395
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,959
[Adonis] You and your
hero ways, Hercules.
396
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,250
Now what?
397
00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:47,375
We land.
398
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,083
[all scream]
399
00:16:49,165 --> 00:16:50,959
[all] Whoa!
400
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:54,750
Oh, my gosh.
401
00:16:56,542 --> 00:16:57,625
[strains]
402
00:16:57,709 --> 00:17:00,083
You cut that pretty close, pal.
403
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:02,041
Yeah, taking your sweet time, huh?
404
00:17:02,166 --> 00:17:03,917
[grunts]
405
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,875
Spartans.
406
00:17:10,875 --> 00:17:12,250
How long is he going to keep this up?
407
00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:14,583
I need to pass that test.
408
00:17:15,290 --> 00:17:17,916
Adonis, did you hear
what made Boreas decide to attack?
409
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,541
It's that infernal Spartan anthem.
410
00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:22,000
He hates it. Who could blame him?
411
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,500
What? You're kidding.
412
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,208
I find it stirring.
413
00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:27,416
I've got an idea.
Get behind me.
414
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,875
Icarus, do you remember
that Spartan anthem?
415
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,333
Every word of it.
416
00:17:35,458 --> 00:17:36,375
Then sing it out.
417
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,792
Aye-aye, baby.
418
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:42,583
♪ We are the mighty fighting menOf Sparta ♪
419
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:46,458
[Hercules] ♪ And we flyOur flag with pride ♪
420
00:17:46,583 --> 00:17:47,458
[sighs]
421
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,250
[all] ♪ We're members of a corp ♪
422
00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:50,875
♪ That loves to go to war ♪
423
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,208
♪ And crush, crush, crush the other side ♪
424
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,125
♪ Let's have a hearty hip hooray ♪
425
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:57,792
♪ For Ares ♪
426
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:01,542
♪ The fearless founding fatherOf our fold ♪
427
00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:03,792
♪ We'll follow him do or die ♪
428
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,542
♪ 'Cause he's one heck of a guy ♪
429
00:18:05,667 --> 00:18:08,750
♪ Benevolent, brave, and bold ♪
430
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:12,917
♪ Long ago when Sparta was untamed ♪
431
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:16,625
♪ Awesome Ares pursued a dream ♪
432
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:18,625
♪ He moved a mountain range ♪
433
00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:20,458
♪ Plowed down the purple plains ♪
434
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:23,458
♪ And straightened out a wildAnd wandering stream ♪
435
00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:25,375
♪ When bad Boreas ♪
436
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:27,667
♪ Blew onto the scene ♪
437
00:18:27,792 --> 00:18:30,667
♪ Our leader knew what must be done ♪
438
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,417
♪ He spun the winning spin ♪
439
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:34,792
♪ That broke the brutal wind ♪
440
00:18:34,875 --> 00:18:38,166
♪ And kicked BoreasSquarely in the bum ♪
441
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,291
Oh! Who's singing that song now?
442
00:18:41,417 --> 00:18:44,875
I'll shut him up once and for all.
443
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:48,166
It's working.
Here he comes.
444
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:49,792
That's your plan?
445
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:51,667
Make certain we're in harm's way?
446
00:18:51,792 --> 00:18:54,875
We're going to trap him.
Keep singing and follow me.
447
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,834
♪ We are the mighty fighting menOf Sparta ♪
448
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,417
But I can't go in there.
449
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,542
It's cramped, and dark,
450
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:03,250
disgusting, and stinky.
451
00:19:03,333 --> 00:19:04,750
Come on, you can do it.
452
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:06,125
There could be bugs.
453
00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:09,083
Just imagine your throne
is at the other end.
454
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:11,250
I don't know.
455
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:13,417
And there's a commoner sitting on it.
456
00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:15,250
Get off my throne!
457
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:16,667
♪ ...Of our fold ♪
458
00:19:16,792 --> 00:19:18,667
♪ We'll follow him do or die ♪
459
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:20,917
Ha. You think you can hide from Boreas?
460
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:22,917
Think again.
461
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,542
[strains]
462
00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:35,041
Eew. Yuck. Gross.
463
00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:37,542
I need a bath.
Several baths, consecutively.
464
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,417
That means one after the other.
465
00:19:40,792 --> 00:19:43,041
[Boreas] Oh, I'll get you.
466
00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:44,083
Wait here.
467
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,625
No problem. Eew.
468
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,834
I'm not falling for any of your
stupid tricks.
469
00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:53,000
[strains]
470
00:19:53,083 --> 00:19:55,125
Hey, that's not fair.
471
00:19:55,208 --> 00:19:56,333
[growls]
472
00:19:56,417 --> 00:19:59,166
Now I'm really mad.
473
00:20:01,208 --> 00:20:03,208
[audience cheers]
474
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:07,166
Now let me get this straight.
475
00:20:07,458 --> 00:20:10,291
Some newby recruits beat the old windbag?
476
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,917
Ha ha ha.
477
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,500
Hey, Boreas, you big blowhard,
478
00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:16,709
you lose. Again.
479
00:20:16,792 --> 00:20:18,208
Ha ha ha ha ha.
480
00:20:18,291 --> 00:20:20,166
[Boreas] Is that Ares? Let me at him.
481
00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:22,583
Let me at him.
482
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:24,166
Permission to deport the prisoner, sir?
483
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,458
Permission granted.
484
00:20:25,542 --> 00:20:27,166
[Hercules grunts]
485
00:20:29,375 --> 00:20:30,667
Hey, good arm.
486
00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:32,375
Well, looks like medals all around.
487
00:20:32,458 --> 00:20:35,792
B-but, wise and belligerent Ares,
488
00:20:35,917 --> 00:20:38,166
Boreas interrupted the ultimate test.
489
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:39,625
We've got to start over.
490
00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:42,458
You kidding?
Nobody's beaten Boreas since me.
491
00:20:42,625 --> 00:20:44,500
These three pass, with honors.
492
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:50,417
This is the happiest moment of my life.
493
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,750
Oh, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
494
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,375
-Do I know you?
-Well, my father--
495
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,083
'Cause I've got a great memory
for faces, and--
496
00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,333
Hey! Your Zeus' kid, Sport.
497
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:02,500
[chuckles] Actually, sir,
the name is Hercules.
498
00:21:02,583 --> 00:21:03,625
Wait a minute.
499
00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:05,500
You're one of those eggheads from Athens,
500
00:21:05,792 --> 00:21:07,208
aren't you, Sport?
501
00:21:07,291 --> 00:21:09,583
Well, uh, ha, yeah, but, uh--
502
00:21:09,709 --> 00:21:12,333
Athenians can't join
the Spartan Armed Forces.
503
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,166
And what about you?
504
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,083
Me? Uh, well, uh,
505
00:21:17,166 --> 00:21:20,417
I'll move. Please, let me keep my medal.
506
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,500
-Give me that.
-No!
507
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,375
Sparta and Thrace are not enemies.
508
00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:28,875
I, therefore, am rightfully
enrolled in the academy.
509
00:21:28,959 --> 00:21:32,417
But he didn't lift a finger
to stop Boreas.
510
00:21:32,542 --> 00:21:35,625
It would be fair to say that I served
in a supervisory role.
511
00:21:35,709 --> 00:21:38,750
You mean to tell me
that these two commoners
512
00:21:38,834 --> 00:21:40,834
did all your work for you?
513
00:21:41,041 --> 00:21:43,333
Well, yes, technically.
514
00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:45,250
Bravo! Ha ha.
515
00:21:45,333 --> 00:21:47,375
You've got a gift, son.
516
00:21:47,458 --> 00:21:50,041
Leadership. That's what it's all about.
517
00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:51,166
Outstanding.
518
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:55,333
Oh, the kid shows promise
and is definitely officer material,
519
00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:57,500
unlike some people I know.
520
00:21:57,917 --> 00:21:59,417
Yeah, but, he-- he--
521
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:01,417
Ohh.
522
00:22:02,417 --> 00:22:03,375
Way to go, Adonis.
523
00:22:03,458 --> 00:22:04,875
You're the best.
524
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,542
Come on, Icarus.
525
00:22:07,125 --> 00:22:09,208
-Let's go home.
-Oh, I knew it.
526
00:22:09,291 --> 00:22:12,458
Little guy can't get ahead
in this man's army.
527
00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:14,709
Tell me about it.
528
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:22,959
[theme music playing]
37459
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