Original subtitles

♪ Who put the glad in gladiator ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theatre ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ What a guy ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Ask his friends ♪

♪ Honey they won't lie ♪

♪ Oh Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one a zero zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

[Bob reading]

[narrator] The Lost City of Atlantis --

long revered as the enlightened cultural

center of the ancient world.

Then, like a dream, it was gone.

The fate of Atlantis --

a mystery that has baffled

humankind for generations,

until...now.

Look! Atlantis City underwater...

with snow!

[chuckles]

You can only get this stuff here.

Ooh! Super cool! A must-have!

-[sighs]

-[Hercules] Come on, Cassandra.

Even you can't be gloomy

in Atlantis City.

It's got the beach,

the boardwalk, and --

Whoo! I'm walking an invisible Cerberus!

Look at me!

I think I'm just not a summer-vacation

kind of person.

What's bad about Summer?

Same as Autumn, Winter, and Spring --

visions of disaster.

Homer...

Greekly World News.

You say you have a tip

on a forthcoming disaster?

I don't foresee anything at the moment.

Too bad. You have a puppy?

What?

Cute animals and disasters.

That's what sells papers.

[dog barks]

Whoa! Yes, sir!

I scored us front-row tickets

to the "Diving Centaur Show."

Yes, sir!

Those tickets will be worthless.

-Vision?

-Vision.

[man] Look out below!

[crash]

Great Centaur accident! Yowza!

[groaning]

Hang on! I got ya!

[grunts]

Ugh!

Thanks. That's never happened before.

Must have been wind shear.

Ohh! I foresee tourists in a giant hole.

Well, they should have stuck

to their vacation budget.

[screaming]

Great 4-wagon accident! Yowza!

Hold on!

[straining] I...got ya!

Incredible! Front-page news!

Just hero business as usual.

Not you, her!

But I just saved all those people!

Heroes are ho-hum, son,

but teen soothsayers --

That's a gimmick!

The name? What's your name?

Cassandra.

I'll make the name Cassandra

synonymous with warnings of calamity!

You're wasting your time.

No one ever believes her.

I'll take care of that! If there's one

thing that The Greekly World News

has, it's credibility!

That's Cassandra, with two s's.

"Dateline -- Athens. "Homer on the

teen-doom scene.

Any predictions yet?"

Sorry. It's a very unpredictable curse.

Wow! He's following you everywhere!

Ooh! That's creepy! How can you stand it?

Years of practice.

I need a catastrophe for the late edition.

I foresee molten lead

falling from the sky.

Y-y-yowza!

Oops.

[gasps]

That's gonna sting.

[Hercules] Oh, my gosh!

[groaning]

[steam hissing]

Yowza!

Another perfect call!

Why, her prophecy saved that baby's life!

Ooh, ooh, what's next?!

Tell us something we don't know!

Is it going to rain?

[woman] Oh, tell us more!

You believe me! You really believe me!

Yes! Predict!

[chanting]

Foresee! Foresee!

Okay, um...let's see.

[chanting continues]

Ready when you are.

Any time.

Now would be good.

I think I'm getting something.

Here it comes.

No. It's a headache.

Give me something for the front page!

Something big!

Don't let your public down.

I see...

I see...

I see Atlantis...

[crowd] Oooh!

...underwater.

Atlantis will be underwater.

There. Atlantis is going to sink.

Big enough for you?

Oh, the liquidity!

Stop the scribes! Stop the scribes!

We've got ourselves a headline.

Cassandra,

your eyes didn't get all,

you know, whatever that vision thing.

Homer wanted something big.

But you made it up.

That's -- that's lying!

It's a slow vision day.

Besides, nobody really believes

what they read in The Greekly World News.

It's all fake.

You can't just go around making things up.

Relax. What could happen?

[young man] "Local girl

has sinking feeling"!

Read all about it!

"Sassy Soothsayer sees certain sink!!!"

Late edition spins out of

control, hits pedestrian!

Aah!

Wow!

Herc was right.

"vexed vacationers vacate Atlantis."

"What could happen?"

[chuckles] I, uh,

I didn't foresee a problem.

[narrator] But there was a problem,

and his name was Croesus --

the richest man in the world

and the owner of Atlantis City.

My city is empty

and my check book is emptier

thanks to that one-woman

profit-sucking machine.

I predict doom for her.

I just need to make it look

like natural causes

which will require

a cooperative God.

Ahhh!

Yo, Hades! Beseeching Hades!

Name's Hades, Lord of the --

Hey, hey! Croesus! Buddy!

I didn't know it was you.

Now, this is a view!

I gotta get me one of these babies.

Hmm. Gotta get me a new rug.

Ouch! Look at your boardwalk.

I thought the underworld was dead. Ha!

That's the reason

I beseeched you, Hades, my man.

Oh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Hot! Ooh!

Oh! Ooh! Ooh! Hot! Ooh!

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!

[steam hissing]

Hades, uh, I need to book a cruise

on the River Styx for somebody.

How much is that gonna cost?

Just gotta pay the boatman.

Badda-boom.

Well...this person

is not, uh, currently ill.

[chuckles]

Whoa! Excuse me. Time out.

Are you saying

what I think you're saying?

I am a God, not a hit man.

My services can't be bought!

Is that a decimal point?

No, that's a comma.

Comma?! That's a --

that's a lot of z--

that's a lot of zeros.

That'll -- pbht!

buy a lot of brimstone...

and two of my best henchmen.

Pain! Panic!

You bellowed,

your morally bankruptedness?

I'm loaning you out, boys.

Make the old man proud.

Meanwhile, I gotta go make

a killing in the stock market.

Badda-boom, I'm gone.

Hi. I'm panic, and this is Pain.

We'll be your minions today.

What evils can we inflict for you?

Vengeance? Torture?

Adult-contemporary music?

Well, I have a prognosticating

public nuisance on my hands.

Now, she's on the "Merv Griffin Show"

this afternoon

at The Celebrity Amphitheater.

Make sure she's a, uh, no-show.

And now, Athens' favorite daytime host --

Merv Griffin!

[audience cheers]

Hey! Hi!

Welcome to the show!

Whoa-ho-ho! Thank you!

What a crowd!

Save some of that.

Save it. You're gonna need it.

Oh, I tell you...

Pass the eyebrow pencil.

I want to bring out my eyes.

Oh, that is all wrong!

You can't go on looking like that!

You're not a spring. You're a winter.

Take it from us --

we're professionals.

What do you think I need?

Lip gloss, some rouge...

A blindfold and a gag!

[muffled shouting]

Now you look like a girl on the go.

So let's take the girl and go!

[muffled yelling]

[chuckles]

I see profits in my future.

All right, Croesus.

What's your angle?

I'm in the market

for some Spokescrones

to assure everyone

Atlantis is not going to sink.

So, how much do you want?

We are the fates!

We cannot be purchased.

Mama! Where's our mark?

And now, let's give a big,

warm Athens welcome

to my special guest,

Cassan-- ah, ooh. The Fates?

Hey! Where's Cassandra?

She was supposed to be

Merv's special guest.

Well, uh, unexpected, to say the least.

But welcome, ladies.

This is certainly, uh, a surprise.

[chuckles]

You know I've been trying

to get you on my show for years.

Well, we've been pretty busy

weaving the future,

crocheting death and pestilence

into people's lives.

Hey, I see you brought your handiwork --

The Tapestry of Fate!

[gasps] Oooh!

Paws off, Merv. It's very delicate.

Damaging a single stitch

could have deadly consequences.

[man] Give me a break!

So everything that happens

is controlled by you three

and your needlepoint?

I don't buy it.

[crowd gasps]

My husband's gone! Cool!

[laughs]

It's as if the wretched man

never existed.

Ohh.

Oooh! Wasn't that something, folks?

Hey! Isn't that Atlantis on the tapestry?

What do you make of all this

sinking business?

Is old El Niño back again?

Nonsense. We brought the tapestry

to put to rest that nasty rumor.

Atlantis is not going to sink.

Oooh! It's not true? Tell us more.

As you can see, Merv,

Atlantis is woven solidly

into the fabric of time.

It's here to stay.

Oooh! Ha! Ha! Is that a relief!

I'm building a hotel there, you know.

There's no sign of Cassandra anywhere.

[woman] We're a hit, girls.

Let's take our show on the road!

[chuckles]

let me be the first to say, "danke shon."

You ladies knocked 'em dead!

We have a knack for that sort of thing.

Hey! That's Croesus,

the owner of Atlantis.

This is no time for who's who

in the cradle of democracy!

We gotta find my little nuzzle bunny!

Icarus, don't you get it?

Cassandra's prediction

cost him a lot of money,

and now she's disappeared.

See the connection?

[crickets chirp]

[sighs]

We follow him, we find her.

Well, lady, your little prediction

cost me a lot of Drachmas.

Now, how much more is it gonna cost me

to shut you up?

Nothing.

Ah, come on, come on, come on!

Everybody has their price. Name it.

Nothing. Really.

Look, I made up the whole thing.

Atlantis isn't going to sink.

What?! I bribed a major God

and three cosmic crones for nothing?!

Is it too late

to stop payment on the checks?

One of them was to Hades.

Yowza!

I demand a full confession.

Oh, you want her to talk!

Well, that brings up

all sorts of torture possibilities!

But she already confessed.

Uh, seems kind of backwards.

These temp jobs have no perks.

How about a public confession?

Yeah, that's it! A public confession!

I'll call a press conference immediately.

Thank you for coming.

I've called this press conference

to make a major announcement.

Yes, yes. You, there, in front?

Yes. Is this about

the sinking of Atlantis?

[chuckles]

You know better than that.

It's the alleged sinking of Atlantis.

Oh! Ooh! Ahh!

I guess that's my cue.

Now be a good little prophet

and tell the headline-hungry reporter

what you told me.

The truth is that I got carried away

with all the publicity.

It was kind of cool

to be a famous seer and all.

Well, sure, You were the all-seeing

eye at the center of the storm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-realization.

Blah, blah, blah. Would you tell him?!

The truth is that...

that...

Atlantis is going to sink.

That is so incredibly,

completely not

what you were supposed to say.

Minions!

She's yours. Him too.

[gasps]

Aaah!

Take him to the lower atrium.

Ah, what's that?

It's a very expensive dungeon.

Get a load of this stuff!

Croesus has a lot

bigger budget than Hades.

Look! A portable eviscerater!

I've always wanted to use

one of these!

Aah! Aah! A Fla-Z-Boy recliner!

Let's strap her in this, huh?

[muffled shouting]

Oh, I can't decide! It's too many toys!

Oh, this is torture!

[giggles]

-There it is.

-[whinnies]

[Hercules] Croesus!

As a hero in training,

I insist you release Cassandra!

A hero in training? Whew!

I wonder what this is going to cost me?

Who haven't I beseeched and bribed lately?

Poseidon!

This better be important!

I need your deadliest sea monster.

Maybe I'm not richer than Croesus,

but I am a God!

You can't just throw money

at me and get what you want.

Whoa! That's a lot of sardines!

This is your final

hero-in-training warning!

Hero in training, meet Scylla.

Scylla, hero in training.

Battle amongst yourselves.

Aah!

I'm not sure how to even begin

to fight that thing.

Oh, don't leap into the fray yet,

my friend.

Perhaps we can reach out to this creature.

I shall try to communicate with it.

[clears throat]

[squawking]

[roars]

Aaaaaaah!

Pegasus, get Icarus to safety.

[gasps] Aaah!

[chomping]

Aaah!

Aaaah!

Aaaaaaaaah!

Come closer, Mortals.

Yes...closer.

Feast your eyes

upon the tapestry of fate.

[all gasping]

Aaaaaah!

[coughing]

No cuts!

The line starts back there, bub.

Aaah!

Aaah!

[squeals]

Aaaaah!

[screaming]

Uh-oh.

Observe...

how we nip and tuck to torment

the wicked King of Thessaly.

Ohhhh!

[gasps]

Oh, dear. Missed Thessaly.

But I nailed Atlantis.

Oooh! I've got to get

Cassandra out!

Back to Fate Mountain, girls?

Show's over.

[all] Aaaah!

[grunts]

I want to use it on them!

But I found it!

It's my ab-gutter plus!

Cassandra!

[muffled shouting]

Hercules! Fun's over.

We'll take this for later. It's portable.

We've gotta get out of here quick!

Atlantis is sinking!

Who would have guessed?

Yowza! Atlantis! The Lost Continent!

What a headline!

Come on!

Well...

need a lift?

You three get back to Athens.

I've got some major heroism to do.

[snarling]

[grunting]

[spits]

Atlantis? Sinking?

I gotta do something or I'm all washed up.

Where's my check book?!

Beseeching all Gods!

Hades! Hades, oh, man. What a relief.

Just the God I need.

Hey, I'm not here for you.

I just want my minions back.

Pain! Panic!

Pbht.

But I need your help, man.

I need your help.

I'll pay anything!

Uh, sorry, babe. Your check bounced.

It seems your bank went under.

[bell tolls, alarm sounds]

Aaah!

And from the looks of things,

so will you in about 10 minutes.

Oh, yeah. You're a bad swimmer.

Make that five.

Aaaah!

Aaah!

[screams]

[gasps]

Help us!

We can't swim!

We're trapped!

Don't worry! I'll save you!

[grunts]

Here! Climb out on this!

Aaah! The dock is sinking!

We can't get to the boats!

[gurgling]

[gasping]

Hey! Wait! Room for one more!

D-do you see Hercules anywhere?

Ah, the kid's a demigod.

He'll make it back.

I can't believe

I caused so much trouble!

It's so much better

when you guys cause the trouble,

and I get to sarcastically comment.

♪ For he's a jolly good demigod ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good demigod ♪

♪ For he's a jolly good demigod ♪

♪ Who kept us safe and dry ♪

Thank Zeus you're all right.

[chuckles]

Actually, thank Poseidon.

His sea monsters aren't as tough

as they used to be.

Break up the reunion, kids,

I've got to talk business!

Sorry, I'm out of the business.

Not you telling the future.

That's history.

-Huh?

-Kid, you heard the crowd.

Greece loves a hero!

What you need is publicity!

I can give you a permanent home

on the front page!

Yow-w-w-w-w-za-a-a!

Well, finally, someone with a little

horse sense around here!

How long you been waiting to use that one?

What do you mean?

Pegasus is a horse?

Ohhh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Clever me!

I am a funny man.

[theme music playing]