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♪ Who put the glad in gladiator ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
3
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theatre? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,291
♪ Is he bold ♪
6
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♪ No one braver ♪
7
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♪ Is he sweet ♪
8
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♪ Our favorite flavor Hercules ♪
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♪ What a guy ♪
10
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♪ Ask his friends ♪
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♪ Honey they won't lie ♪
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♪ Oh Hercules ♪
13
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♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,583
♪ Hercules ♪
15
00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:33,583
♪ No one's fool ♪
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♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
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♪ Smart and shy ♪
19
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
20
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♪ No complainin' ♪
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♪ He was a no one a zero zero ♪
22
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♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪
23
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
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♪ From zero to hero ♪
25
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♪ Herc is a hero ♪
26
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♪ He'll be a hero ♪
27
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Wait and see.
28
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[Phil] No, no, no. I won't go.
29
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:10,208
I won't. I can't.
30
00:01:10,291 --> 00:01:12,458
Please, no. You can't make me.
31
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,875
[Hercules] You have to go.
This is important.
32
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,625
I can't face that monster. I can't!
33
00:01:17,709 --> 00:01:19,583
Come on! You faced worse!
34
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,083
That's where you're wrong, rookie.
35
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:24,375
This one sucks the life out of me!
36
00:01:24,458 --> 00:01:25,709
Aw, Phil, come on.
37
00:01:25,792 --> 00:01:27,041
Be a half-man about this.
38
00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:28,208
[echoing]
Half, no!
39
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,417
I won't take "Half, no" for an answer.
40
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,500
It can't be that bad, Phil.
41
00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,625
I mean, she's your mother.
42
00:01:34,709 --> 00:01:36,583
Nooooooooooooo!
43
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:37,959
At least you're allowed to visit.
44
00:01:38,041 --> 00:01:41,250
I can't even get past the front
gate of my mom and dad's place.
45
00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:42,417
You're lucky, really.
46
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,875
You're lucky to have parents behind bars.
47
00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:51,959
[Pegasus whinnies]
48
00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:55,375
[Phil] [moans]
The chamber of horrors!
49
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:56,792
Would you stop?
50
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,166
Ugh.
51
00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:01,917
Late as usual.
52
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,667
Hi, Ma.
53
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,333
Oh, let me look at you, Philly Goat.
54
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,333
[chuckles] Philly Goat?
55
00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:10,000
Yeah, yeah.
56
00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:11,834
Have you been eating your greens?
57
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:12,917
You're bloating.
58
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,500
Aw, come on, Ma! I'm a big boy now.
59
00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,959
Oh, well, you were always husky.
60
00:02:18,041 --> 00:02:19,332
Here...
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00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:22,291
this will cover the fare
and a little something for you.
62
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:23,792
Ma, he's not a cabby.
63
00:02:23,875 --> 00:02:26,125
He's Hercules. The son of Zeus --
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00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:27,542
my hero in training.
65
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,083
Nice to meet you Mrs. --
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00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:31,000
You can call me Cacophony.
67
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:32,709
Be a darling, Hercules.
68
00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:36,542
Close the door behind you.
There's a draft.
69
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,792
Ow!
70
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,875
So, why haven't you written?
71
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,709
I guess Mr. Big-shot coach is too busy
72
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:46,625
to scribble a few words
to his old, forgotten mother.
73
00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,375
Ma, I've been busy! Come on.
74
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:50,000
Training heroes is a big job.
75
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:52,542
Your brother Saul always writes.
76
00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:55,250
So busy selling sandals door-to-door,
77
00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:57,667
but he sends me a scroll a week.
78
00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:00,332
Did you hear he's been promoted
79
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:02,959
to Aegean Regional Sales Manager?
80
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:05,625
He's a retail juggernaut!
81
00:03:05,709 --> 00:03:07,959
-[groans]
-Hey! Who's this?
82
00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:11,375
Oh, that's my Philly Goat
when he was just a kid
83
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,875
training the next-door neighbor
to fend off a bully.
84
00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:17,542
Even then I had coaching in my blood.
85
00:03:17,625 --> 00:03:19,625
And blood all over the house.
86
00:03:19,709 --> 00:03:22,041
Here they are an hour later.
87
00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:24,083
Hmm --
didn't work out.
88
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,250
Who's that?
89
00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:28,542
Oh, that's my other baby, Saulmenaus.
90
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,917
Oh, that kid had goals!
91
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,208
Did I tell you Saul was named
sale Satyr of the year?
92
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:38,208
Philly Goat,
why don't you show him around Satyville?
93
00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,709
And I'll start dinner.
94
00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:41,000
Do me a favor, kid.
95
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:44,125
Use your demigod strength to
squash my head like a melon.
96
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:46,166
-Phil!
-You're right. It'll stain her porch.
97
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,125
She'll kill me.
98
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,583
I think you're overreacting, Phil.
99
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:54,166
I mean, your mom loves you...
in her own special way.
100
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,375
Loves me?! She thinks I'm worthless!
101
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:58,959
I'd give anything if she'd be
as proud of me
102
00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:00,417
as she is of my brother.
103
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:04,709
Why wouldn't she be? You're Philoctetes --
trainer of heroes!
104
00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:07,333
Pbht! Like who? Achilles, Perseus?
105
00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:10,208
I'm the trainer of losers.
No offense, kid.
106
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,166
Pride starts with you.
107
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,458
It starts with a "p."
108
00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,667
What do they teach you in that school?
109
00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:18,500
All I ever hear is Saul this
and Saul that.
110
00:04:18,582 --> 00:04:21,166
Why can't she talk about me for once?
111
00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:23,041
Well, at least you can talk to her.
112
00:04:23,125 --> 00:04:25,207
When I want a face to face
with my folks,
113
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,542
I have to speak to statues.
114
00:04:26,625 --> 00:04:27,875
[gasps]
115
00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:30,667
Wow! Would you look at that?
116
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:33,917
"Coming soon, The Temple of Pan."
117
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,125
But I thought only Gods get temples.
118
00:04:36,207 --> 00:04:38,709
Hey, he's Pan --
Pan da man!
119
00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:41,500
I bet his mother is proud of him.
120
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,082
I have the results of this year's audit.
121
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,875
I'm afraid offerings
and sacrifices to you
122
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,375
are way down, Demeter.
123
00:04:48,457 --> 00:04:50,792
Oh, Nemesis, that can't be right.
124
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:53,667
After the bountiful harvest
I sent this year?
125
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:56,000
Did you know that gourds
are high in riboflavin?
126
00:04:56,082 --> 00:04:58,667
I figured something this ugly
should at least be good for you.
127
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:01,291
Yeah. According to the
Infernal Retribution Service,
128
00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:06,000
Idomeneus of Crete offered
some okra out of season.
129
00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:08,041
Of course, this incident will be answered
130
00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:09,750
with the proper smiting.
131
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,000
[chuckling] Oh, oh, please.
Over okra?
132
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:13,417
Smiting seems a bit harsh.
133
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,291
Okra really wasn't the best
veggie I ever came up with --
134
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:18,542
No taste, yuh! Too slimy.
135
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:20,457
What was I thinking?!
I must've been out of my head!
136
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:23,125
Fine. Another vote for leniency.
137
00:05:23,207 --> 00:05:25,834
Okay, how about Sanctimonious of Smyrna?
138
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:27,291
His pitiful tribute to you --
139
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:30,125
a burnt offering of rotten potatoes.
140
00:05:30,207 --> 00:05:34,834
Sanctimonious, Sanctimonious.
Oh! The hash-brown guy!
141
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:35,959
They were rotten?
142
00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:38,625
This mortal has a smite wish.
143
00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:45,041
Would you be a dear?
144
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:46,582
You don't have to smite him.
145
00:05:46,709 --> 00:05:48,750
I'll just send a few warning locusts.
146
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,250
Ugh! Fine.
147
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:56,959
Aha. This is a smitable offense.
148
00:05:57,041 --> 00:05:58,417
King Pan of Satyville
149
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,041
hasn't made an offering to you all year.
150
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:03,542
Well, that's not so bad.
151
00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:07,208
And he hasn't visited
your temple in months because...
152
00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:10,667
he's too busy building one to himself.
153
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:13,583
-Excuse me?
-It seems that he's taken credit
154
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:17,709
for all the Satyrs' good fortune --
including the bountiful harvest.
155
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,500
Ohh.
156
00:06:19,582 --> 00:06:21,542
Apparently, the King of the Satyrs
157
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:24,041
wants his people to worship him.
158
00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:27,417
Feeling like a wrathful God yet?
159
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,166
I'm getting there.
160
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:32,542
Pan! Pan! You da man!
161
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:35,500
Pan! Pan! You da man!
162
00:06:35,582 --> 00:06:38,166
Pan! Pan! You da man!
163
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:42,500
I accept your glory!
Same time tomorrow.
164
00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:46,709
-Aah!
-Maybe...
165
00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:48,207
maybe not.
166
00:06:48,291 --> 00:06:50,834
Oh! Oh! Demeter! Your Goddessness!
167
00:06:50,917 --> 00:06:53,375
Uh...
you're looking crisp today!
168
00:06:53,457 --> 00:06:55,625
How is my favorite earth mother?
169
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,875
Feeling a little soiled.
170
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,250
Is it true you haven't made
any offerings to me this year?
171
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,917
Oh, I would've, really, really.
172
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,667
But you don't know what happened.
173
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:07,375
The harvest was really bad this year --
174
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,667
tomatoes the size of chickpeas.
175
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:10,709
Oh, get out of here.
176
00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:12,625
I sent the best harvest ever.
177
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,041
Oh, oh! This year!
178
00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,667
This -- y-you said, "this year,"
right, right, right.
179
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,542
Well, there was this
marauding band of vegetarians.
180
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:20,625
They wiped us out.
181
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:23,250
Ha ha. It looks to me
like they left plenty.
182
00:07:23,332 --> 00:07:26,750
And what's this I hear
about a Temple of Pan?
183
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,542
Uh...
what temple?
184
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:29,500
That one!
185
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:32,250
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, that's not a temple.
186
00:07:32,332 --> 00:07:35,041
See, that's a -- it's a --
it's a fast-food joint.
187
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:37,000
See, uh, Pan pizza.
188
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,500
You should try some --
terrific!
189
00:07:38,582 --> 00:07:41,166
Don't you lie to me, grass stain!
190
00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:44,959
"Praise Pan from whom all blessings flow"?
191
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:46,792
Did you write that?!
192
00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:53,542
Ugh. I am so angry,
I'm slipping into fall!
193
00:07:53,625 --> 00:07:58,332
You have got till the
harvest-moon festival
194
00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:04,291
to pay up your back offerings
or you are taking a fall!
195
00:08:08,417 --> 00:08:09,875
Yo, come here, come here.
196
00:08:09,959 --> 00:08:12,166
Now listen to me.
We got to turn over every offering
197
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,333
We can lay our hands on.
198
00:08:13,417 --> 00:08:15,875
Well, the treasury is bare,
your goatishness.
199
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,166
We ate a lot of grass
200
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:19,250
at the ground-breaking for your temple.
201
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,125
Hey, hey! It's not a temple, all right?
202
00:08:21,207 --> 00:08:22,792
How many times I gotta tell you?
203
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:25,125
It's a restaurant!
204
00:08:25,207 --> 00:08:28,125
He don't know what he's talking about.
He didn't mean that.
205
00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:30,457
Do you know what it's like
to be second best
206
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,000
to a sandals salesman?
207
00:08:32,082 --> 00:08:34,959
Why would Ma be prouder of a son
who makes his living saying,
208
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,709
"Yeah, I have that size in brown, too."
209
00:08:37,792 --> 00:08:41,000
Maybe you could beseech Athena,
Goddess of Wisdom, for advice.
210
00:08:41,082 --> 00:08:43,207
You know what?
You could talk to my dad.
211
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,165
Say! You may be on to something, kid!
212
00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:50,750
I'll ask King Pan.
213
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,458
But he's not a God.
214
00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:54,583
He thinks he is. And he's local!
215
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:55,667
But...
216
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:57,125
[groans]
217
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,166
King Pan!
218
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,417
Name's Philoctetes. Call me "Phil."
219
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:04,917
Can't you see the king is busy?
220
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,000
I'm in a jam!
221
00:09:06,083 --> 00:09:07,959
How can I get my mother to show respect?
222
00:09:08,041 --> 00:09:10,291
Everybody respects you.
I thought you might know.
223
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,542
Uh, sir?
224
00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:16,000
[whispering]
225
00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:17,959
I just might be able to help.
226
00:09:18,917 --> 00:09:20,583
-You know, Bill --
-That's Phil.
227
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:24,166
Whatever. I gotta be out of town
for the harvest-moon festival,
228
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,000
and I need somebody to take my place.
229
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:28,834
You know, oversee the rituals,
take care of the offerings,
230
00:09:28,917 --> 00:09:34,125
deal with any crises that,
uh, might come up.
231
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:39,250
I crown you Temporary King of the Satyrs.
232
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:41,000
That ought to impress your mom.
233
00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:42,250
Problem solved!
234
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,583
My problem. Heh heh heh heh.
235
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:48,417
Sheep are not dependents.
236
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,500
No receipts, no beseech.
237
00:09:50,583 --> 00:09:52,458
You can't depreciate your chariot!
238
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:55,290
Sorry, your ski vacation
at Mount Parnassus
239
00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:56,583
is not deductible.
240
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,125
Apples?
241
00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:00,959
What kind of offering
is this for the God of War?!
242
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,542
I'm a red-meat type of God.
243
00:10:02,625 --> 00:10:05,417
This is the type of garbage
Demeter would want!
244
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:08,000
[clears throat]
245
00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:10,458
Oh, sorry, Demeter. Didn't see you there.
246
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:11,542
Snack?
247
00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:12,834
So...
248
00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:14,542
when can you take out the bum?
249
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:17,542
I'll be in that area next Tuesday.
250
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:21,709
Fine! Just make sure it's agonizing.
251
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:25,208
Oh, Nemesis, you were so right about the
King of the Satyrs.
252
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,000
If he hasn't made an offering
to me by the harvest moon,
253
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:29,083
waste him!
254
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:30,834
Ooh, you're in luck.
255
00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:33,000
The harvest moon's tomorrow night.
256
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:36,125
And I have an opening.
257
00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:41,208
"harvest moon --
smite King of Satyrs."
258
00:10:41,290 --> 00:10:42,375
Ahhh.
259
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:45,500
Philoctetes --
King of the Satyrs.
260
00:10:45,583 --> 00:10:46,583
Ooh-hoo!
261
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:49,709
I'm sittin' pretty now.
262
00:10:53,165 --> 00:10:55,583
Pan! You da man!
263
00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:58,417
Aw, you guys are the best.
Aw, come on, come on!
264
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,208
You guys --
you give good glory.
265
00:11:00,291 --> 00:11:02,250
But even a king needs some downtime.
266
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:04,750
So, Phil, here, he's gonna be
the king for, oh...
267
00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:06,333
about a day and a half.
268
00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:08,000
See you after the harvest-moon festival!
269
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,709
Run.
270
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:12,875
Phil! Phil!
271
00:11:12,959 --> 00:11:15,041
You da new man!
272
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,667
Huh, he sure seems in a hurry.
273
00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,709
There's something fishy about this, Phil.
274
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:22,083
That's King Phil now.
275
00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:25,583
Ohh, excusez-moi, King Phil.
276
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,917
And I dub you the royal bodyguard.
277
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,208
Well, you're gonna need one,
your highness,
278
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:31,583
because you're late for your mom's dinner.
279
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,500
Yikes! I totally forgot!
280
00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:35,750
Get the sedan chair!
281
00:11:35,834 --> 00:11:37,250
Sorry, I'm late, Ma.
282
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:39,583
I was busy becoming King.
283
00:11:39,709 --> 00:11:40,917
Hmm, that's nice.
284
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,375
Nice? Ma, I'm the king!
285
00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:46,040
That's no excuse for being late
for dinner.
286
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:48,290
Even on the day your brother Saul
287
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:53,458
got the golden-insole award,
he was at the table on time.
288
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:57,709
What have I got to do
to prove myself to that woman?
289
00:11:57,792 --> 00:11:59,875
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Phil.
290
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,458
She'll come around.
291
00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:04,667
The harvest-moon festival
has got to impress her.
292
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,583
Man, oh, man --
fescue fricassee.
293
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,083
[snorts]
294
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,792
Mmm, delish.
295
00:12:18,875 --> 00:12:19,875
Mmm.
296
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:21,041
[belches]
297
00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,625
What a party!
298
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,000
And it's all for me.
299
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:26,291
-Do me a favor, Herc, and go get Ma.
-Sure, Phil.
300
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:29,166
She's gonna be proud of me
tonight if it kills me.
301
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:40,208
Saul never had a party
in his honor like this, huh, Ma?
302
00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:45,250
Being king sure beats being
Aegean regional sales manager.
303
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,583
Oh, really? Do you get benefits?
304
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,917
-Benefits?!
-Health insurance, a pension.
305
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,250
You know, perks!
306
00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,417
I-I-I don't know. I didn't ask.
307
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,125
Saul always asks.
308
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,750
You got to look out for yourself
in this world
309
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,166
if you want to get ahead.
310
00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:02,291
I'm the king!
311
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:04,208
How much more ahead can I get?!
312
00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:05,458
Never settle.
313
00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:08,834
Where would your brother Saul be
if he didn't have goals?
314
00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:10,166
Still a stock goat
315
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,625
at Discount Draco the Sandal Vandal.
316
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,417
Now move!! The floor show is starting!
317
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,375
Mother of Zeus!
318
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:19,417
I'm coming apart!
319
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:20,625
Shush!
320
00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:25,333
[calypso music playing]
321
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,875
Your grateful subjects are ready
to present you with gifts,
322
00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:34,040
Oh, King.
323
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,083
You hear that, Ma? Presents!
324
00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:40,333
Did I tell you Saul got a
granite gorgon paperweight
325
00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:42,290
when they made him sale Satyr
of the year.
326
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:43,583
[groans]
327
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:46,750
It's not the gift that counts,
it's the thought!
328
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:50,000
And all these guys
have been thinking about me!
329
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:57,709
Hey! No cuts!
330
00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:59,750
I'm sure I could arrange one.
331
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:02,041
Heh, heh. A-after you!
332
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:08,500
Nobody ever gave Saul tribute like this.
333
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,709
Melon makes me gassy.
334
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:13,125
Ooh, a sword!
Can't have too many of those!
335
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:14,500
Thanks, Toots.
336
00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:17,250
Hey, what's the big idea?
337
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:22,083
I seek the King of the Satyrs.
338
00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:24,792
Well, you found him, sister.
339
00:14:24,875 --> 00:14:29,083
And as the head honcho,
big cheese, and top goat,
340
00:14:29,166 --> 00:14:33,417
I decree that you stop spooking
my loyal subjects.
341
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,750
Bow down, arrogant offender!
342
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,709
I, Nemesis, demigoddess of vengeance,
343
00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:42,208
will now smite the wicked King
of the Satyrs.
344
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:43,417
Smite?
345
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,040
Me?! What are you talking about?
346
00:14:46,125 --> 00:14:46,959
You stand accused of hubris.
347
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,750
Hubris? No, really,
what are you talking about?
348
00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:52,959
It means you've gotten too big
for your fur pants.
349
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,040
So I overdid it a little tonight --
350
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:57,875
a brisk jog, a few sit-ups,
I'll work off the flab.
351
00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:59,917
Don't worry. I'll cut you down to size.
352
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,000
That's slick how you do
that weapon thing with your hands.
353
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:04,250
A little close to my skull, though.
354
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,792
Quiet, Demeter defier!
355
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:09,750
What made you think you could
get away with acting like a God?
356
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:13,083
I'm a Demigoddess, and even
I don't get my own temple.
357
00:15:13,166 --> 00:15:14,291
I time share!
358
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,583
Oh, no, no! You got this all wrong!
359
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,709
I-I've only been king for a day!
360
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,709
Prepare for early retirement.
361
00:15:20,792 --> 00:15:23,834
She's a Demigoddess, Phil.
You need the help of a Demigod.
362
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:26,834
Wait! I can't back down in front of Ma!
363
00:15:26,917 --> 00:15:29,375
She'd never let me live it down.
364
00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:30,500
Aah!
365
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,125
Whoa! Watch it!
I don't get health insurance!
366
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:37,875
Are you gonna let her treat you that way?
367
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:40,375
You're a king, act like one!
368
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:41,959
Your brother would.
369
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,208
You're right, Ma. I am king.
370
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:47,000
I have an entire army at my disposal.
371
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:49,709
Behold my mighty legion!
372
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:54,290
Ooh! Ah!
373
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:55,667
Eh! Ow!
374
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:59,667
Ha ha ha.
Is that the best you can do?
375
00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,583
[all] Aah!
376
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,041
Heh heh -- draftees.
377
00:16:06,125 --> 00:16:07,792
[laughs wickedly]
378
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,834
Prepare to be smitten!
379
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:14,417
All right, my mom is watching,
380
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,917
so I'm not fleeing, I'm coaching. Got it?
381
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,875
Nod like I said something useful.
382
00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:20,709
Okay. Uh...
383
00:16:20,792 --> 00:16:22,250
-Phil?
-Yeah, kid?
384
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,083
Start coaching.
385
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:25,083
Aaaah!
386
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:28,417
So this is your hotshot trainee, Philly?
387
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,750
Aaaaaah!
388
00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:32,917
[chuckles] L-look, lady,
y-you got the wrong guy.
389
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,542
Sorry. The kid got in the way.
390
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,417
I mean me!
391
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,917
Now bow down!
392
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,667
Do what Saul would do!
393
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:45,583
I don't have anything in a size 9, ma!
394
00:16:48,959 --> 00:16:51,250
[whimpers]
395
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:54,834
Nemesis, you seem like
a reasonable Demigoddess.
396
00:16:54,917 --> 00:16:56,500
Eh!
397
00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:58,875
Aah!
398
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:03,500
Won't you stand still and take
your smiting like a man?
399
00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:06,625
I'm only half a man!
Can you give me half a smiting?
400
00:17:06,709 --> 00:17:08,165
[sighs]
401
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:12,000
I haven't had a campout since
my days in the satyr scouts.
402
00:17:12,083 --> 00:17:14,000
[Hercules]
Aaaaaaaaah!
403
00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:15,541
Huh?
404
00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:16,625
Aaaaaaaaah!
405
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,125
[Pegasus whinnies]
406
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:21,000
Wow, you don't see stuff
like that in the city.
407
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:22,666
[thuds]
408
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,458
Aaaaaaah!
409
00:17:25,541 --> 00:17:27,125
[groans]
410
00:17:27,208 --> 00:17:30,333
[neighs]
411
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,250
Thanks, Pegasus.
412
00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:34,834
We gotta get back to Phil!
413
00:17:34,917 --> 00:17:36,166
[snorts]
414
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:39,583
[whinnies]
415
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,125
Huh?
416
00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:44,709
Pegasus, take it down.
417
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:48,083
Oh, whoa! What's the big idea?
Do you know who I am?
418
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:49,750
Yeah, the jerk who set Phil up.
419
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,667
Hey, who -- who you calling a jerk?
Let me tell you something, all right?
420
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:54,750
If Phil can't handle being the king,
421
00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:56,250
it's not my fault.
422
00:17:56,333 --> 00:18:00,083
Well, let's just see what
Nemesis has to say about that.
423
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:07,083
I am on a very tight schedule here.
424
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:08,333
Owwww!
425
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:13,500
Say goodbye to your crown and your head!
426
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,208
[Hercules]
Don't touch that Satyr, Nemesis!
427
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:16,709
Ugh! You again?
428
00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:19,041
Can I just do my job and get out of here?!
429
00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,792
Here's the real King of the Satyrs!
430
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:24,875
Oh, nice try, but he's wearing the crown.
He loses his head.
431
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:27,000
Ugh!
432
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:28,834
But Phil's innocent!
433
00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:30,083
I don't care.
434
00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:31,917
I have my orders from Demeter.
435
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,250
There's gotta be a mistake. Demeter!
436
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:36,333
Beseeching Demeter!
437
00:18:39,083 --> 00:18:40,834
This had better be good.
438
00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:43,083
I was about to have my head fertilized.
439
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:44,583
Per your orders,
440
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:48,000
this grass-grazing runt is bound
for the underworld!
441
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:51,125
Oh, Nemesis, not that
grass-grazing runt --
442
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,083
that grass-grazing runt!
443
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,834
He's the King of the Satyrs! Get real!
444
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,250
Fine. Great.
445
00:18:57,333 --> 00:19:00,000
I'd really like to punish somebody here,
446
00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:03,375
so this night isn't
a total waste of my time!
447
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,041
How about c-community service?
448
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,291
Oh, maybe you could pay back offerings.
449
00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:10,208
What? Sure, sure, yeah. Whatever it takes.
450
00:19:10,291 --> 00:19:13,542
Hold it. Hold it. All right, Pan.
This is it.
451
00:19:13,625 --> 00:19:16,542
Your one and only chance
to survive this mess.
452
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:19,291
Fill this with all the gifts you
got at the harvest-moon festival
453
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,250
and maybe...
I won't have you smitten.
454
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:22,917
My tribute?
455
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,542
If you don't like the deal,
456
00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:27,750
maybe Nemesis will cut you a better one.
457
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,375
Uh...
458
00:19:29,458 --> 00:19:32,375
bring on the gifts.
459
00:19:36,917 --> 00:19:39,667
Oh, not enough. Not enough!
460
00:19:39,792 --> 00:19:42,333
Pan's mine!
461
00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:44,208
Wait a second.
462
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:47,250
We have one more offering.
463
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,208
Let's call this a promise
464
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,792
that the new temple
will be dedicated to Demeter.
465
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,625
What?! No smiting?!
466
00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:57,667
Oh, some days I shouldn't even
sharpen my arms!
467
00:19:57,750 --> 00:20:00,458
Philoctetes --
trainer of heroes.
468
00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,458
You are a clever old goat.
469
00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:03,792
Thanks.
470
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,709
-Hercules?
-Yes, ma'am?
471
00:20:05,792 --> 00:20:08,542
Oh, you stick with this guy.
472
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,166
You will be a hero in no time.
473
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,125
[chuckles]
Yes, ma'am.
474
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:18,500
-Bill?
-That's Phil.
475
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:19,875
Whatever. I owe you one.
476
00:20:19,959 --> 00:20:21,500
I think you owe me two or three...
477
00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:22,959
My Liege.
478
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:26,667
Oh, Philly!
Do you have a moment for your mother?
479
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,041
Okay, okay, Ma.
480
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:30,667
Now you know the truth.
I was never really king.
481
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,917
I was just trying to make you proud.
482
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,166
Philoctetes,
I have always said...
483
00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:37,125
[gasps]
484
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,583
...Saul!
485
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,000
Yeah, that's what she's always said.
486
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:45,375
Look, Philly, your
brother Saul is home.
487
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:48,667
Ohh! What did I do to deserve this?
488
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:51,166
I made a surprise for you boys.
489
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,458
Pasture potpie!
490
00:20:53,542 --> 00:20:54,583
[giggles]
491
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,375
I'll be right back with the grape juice.
492
00:20:56,417 --> 00:20:59,500
Hey, I hear your boy, Herc,
is one great hero-in-training.
493
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:00,875
A real contender.
494
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:03,041
Oh, he is. Where'd you hear that?
495
00:21:03,125 --> 00:21:04,583
The Greekly World News?
496
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:06,083
No, Ma told me.
497
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:08,709
And told me and told me.
498
00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:10,834
She never shuts up about you
and your work.
499
00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:12,333
Philoctetes this,
500
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:13,834
Philoctetes that.
501
00:21:13,917 --> 00:21:17,166
What do you mean? She never shuts up
about you and your sandal sales.
502
00:21:17,250 --> 00:21:19,458
You're pulling my hoof! Really?
503
00:21:19,542 --> 00:21:22,083
You hear that, Herc?
She's proud of me!
504
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,709
She's really proud of me!
505
00:21:23,792 --> 00:21:25,667
[giggles]
Of course, I'm proud of you.
506
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:28,709
I'm your mother.
I'm proud of both of you.
507
00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:29,917
But how would we know?
508
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,458
Yeah, you never tell us.
509
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,542
Well, it's because you boys are
always bragging
510
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,041
about yourselves.
511
00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:39,166
So when one of you starts in,
I start talking about the other.
512
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:40,583
Keeps you humble.
513
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,000
I don't want you to get big heads.
514
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,458
You already have big horns.
515
00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:48,375
Which, incidentally, they get
from their father's side.
516
00:21:48,458 --> 00:21:49,709
Now, dig in, kids,
517
00:21:49,792 --> 00:21:53,000
before the pasture potpies get cold.
518
00:21:53,083 --> 00:21:55,000
Uh...
got any ketchup?
519
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,333
I'll forget I ever heard that.
520
00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,458
And don't worry.
I know you're a growing boy.
521
00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:02,709
I have seconds for you in the kitchen.
522
00:22:02,792 --> 00:22:04,583
[chuckles]
523
00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:06,500
[Cacophony] So, did you hear
about your sister?
524
00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:09,834
Her pottery business is shooting
through the roof!
525
00:22:09,917 --> 00:22:11,917
Hercules, eat! Eat!
526
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,166
What kind of hero doesn't eat?!
37531
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