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♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪
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♪ Hercules ♪
3
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♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪
4
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♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,375 --> 00:00:17,375
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
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♪ No one braver ♪
7
00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:19,709
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
8
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♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪
9
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-♪ What a guy ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
10
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-♪ Ask his friends ♪-♪ Hercules ♪
11
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♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
12
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-♪ Hercules ♪-♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
13
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♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:30,542 --> 00:00:31,917
♪ Hercules ♪
15
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,583
-♪ Come on ♪-♪ No one's fool ♪
16
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♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
17
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♪ He's in trainin' ♪
18
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♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
19
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♪ And the nicest guy ♪
20
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♪ No complainin' ♪
21
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:41,709
♪ He was a no one ♪
22
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,542
♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪
23
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♪ He's our hero ♪
24
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♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪
25
00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:49,333
♪ From zero to hero ♪
26
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:51,709
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
27
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:57,458
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
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Wait and see!
29
00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:02,834
[Bob reading]
30
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:09,208
[Bob] In the ancient Greeceof myth and legend,
31
00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:12,583
there were perhaps no figuresso shrouded in mystery
32
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:13,667
as the Fates,
33
00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:16,333
also known as the Three Dread Sisters,
34
00:01:16,417 --> 00:01:19,417
Clotho, spinner of a thread of destiny.
35
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,667
Lachesis, who measuresout fortune's fiber,
36
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,709
and perhaps the most feared of all,
37
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:29,041
Atropos, who holds the shearsthat seal a soul's doom
38
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:31,625
with but one snip.
39
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:32,959
With these magical threads,
40
00:01:33,041 --> 00:01:35,542
the Fates weave the very tapestry of life,
41
00:01:35,625 --> 00:01:39,041
humankind's destiny was quiteliterally in the twisted hands
42
00:01:39,125 --> 00:01:41,375
of these three weird sisters.
43
00:01:41,792 --> 00:01:44,000
Who are you calling weird?
44
00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:45,375
[Bob] Oh, sorry.
45
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:47,750
Hello, ladies, I'm the narrator.
46
00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:50,041
We know.
47
00:01:50,125 --> 00:01:51,750
Ahem... pardon?
48
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We know everything.
49
00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:58,709
Yeah, well, actually,knowing everything is my job.
50
00:01:58,792 --> 00:02:00,542
I'm the narrator!
51
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I'm omniscient.
52
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,041
Oh, do be quiet, Bob.
53
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,834
How did you know my name?
54
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,750
We told you...
55
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:09,875
We know everything.
56
00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:11,083
Then tell me,
57
00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:14,542
Have you seen five charming,attractive ladies?
58
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The muses?
59
00:02:16,625 --> 00:02:20,166
Yes, traditionallyI open the program with them.
60
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,667
We trade some good-naturedbanter, sometimes they sing--
61
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Not today.
62
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:26,083
You're stuck with us...
63
00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,083
Bob.
64
00:02:27,166 --> 00:02:29,625
You're not, heh heh,going to-- going to sing, are you?
65
00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:32,041
No, but we have prepared a poem.
66
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:38,709
Watch us weave the tapestry of fate.
67
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:42,709
With magic thread, reality we create.
68
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:47,542
One wrong stitch might be disastrous.
69
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:52,000
Just ask Hercules and his friend Icarus.
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00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:53,959
[Icarus] I cannot believe it!
71
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,375
They're already putting up
decorations
72
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for the great Dionysia festival.
73
00:02:57,542 --> 00:02:59,667
Yeah, talk about rushing the season.
74
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:01,709
We haven't even had
the feast of Apollo yet.
75
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:03,500
Ok, I'm gonna go shop now,
76
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,709
so see you guys later... or not.
77
00:03:05,792 --> 00:03:07,458
Oh, don't be silly, Cassandra.
78
00:03:07,542 --> 00:03:10,125
I'm here to offer my fashion savvy.
79
00:03:10,208 --> 00:03:13,083
I shall stick to you like glue.
80
00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:16,041
-Oh, check out the super-cool poster!
-[crash]
81
00:03:16,125 --> 00:03:17,500
Orpheus!
82
00:03:17,583 --> 00:03:19,667
[Hercules] Is coming to town?
83
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,709
This shall be the defining event
84
00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:23,750
of our generation.
85
00:03:23,834 --> 00:03:25,041
Whoo-hoo!
86
00:03:27,959 --> 00:03:30,458
Yeah, uh, uh... whoops!
87
00:03:30,542 --> 00:03:31,542
Sorry.
88
00:03:31,625 --> 00:03:34,083
Tickets for that concert
are going to sell out instantly.
89
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:36,583
Well, then, let's rock!
90
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,333
And roll!
91
00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:41,875
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
92
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:45,375
Faster, faster! Faster! Faster!
93
00:03:56,250 --> 00:03:57,291
Oh, sorry.
94
00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:00,000
[skids]
95
00:04:00,125 --> 00:04:00,959
Ohh!
96
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,417
Just in time.
97
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:07,000
Two tickets for the Orpheus
Never Look Back concert, yes!
98
00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:09,667
[man]
Sorry, just sold the last two to him.
99
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,500
Concert event of the millennium.
100
00:04:12,583 --> 00:04:15,166
Sold out to me!
101
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:17,457
[Icarus] Oh, that's ok.
102
00:04:17,542 --> 00:04:20,125
There will be other concerts.
103
00:04:20,207 --> 00:04:21,291
[sobs]
104
00:04:21,375 --> 00:04:24,000
I can't go on living the lie!
105
00:04:24,082 --> 00:04:27,000
There'll never be another concert
like this one.
106
00:04:27,082 --> 00:04:29,917
Ever! The dream is shattered!
107
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:32,625
Hey, I ain't cleanin' that.
108
00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:34,917
I'm a hero trainer, not your janitor.
109
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,000
Please, we prefer the term
custodial arts practitioner.
110
00:04:39,082 --> 00:04:40,625
I'm a junior scrub monkey.
111
00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:41,542
[Hercules] Sorry, Phil.
112
00:04:41,625 --> 00:04:43,375
It's just we've been looking forward
113
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:44,959
to this concert all year.
114
00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:47,125
Duh, your daddy is the king of the gods.
115
00:04:47,207 --> 00:04:48,792
Catch my drift?
116
00:04:49,542 --> 00:04:54,166
Oh, yes. He's the goat man with the plan.
117
00:04:54,917 --> 00:04:56,667
So, Father, maybe a little, uh...
118
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,917
divine intervention, huh?
119
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,542
I can't help you, son.
120
00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:03,333
Orpheus is one hot ticket.
121
00:05:03,417 --> 00:05:05,709
Fabulous. You know,
I-I caught a warm up gig
122
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at a small club in Corinth.
123
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,583
All hits, no filler.
124
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:09,917
You know me, son.
125
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,959
I'm always willing to lend
you the hand of a god,
126
00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:17,000
but frivolous interference
in mortal affairs
127
00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:19,667
tends to come back and bite
me in the backside.
128
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:22,041
-I understand.
-You're tough, but fair.
129
00:05:22,125 --> 00:05:23,959
[Zeus] I'm sorry, boys.
130
00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:27,667
Guess the fates were
against you on this one.
131
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,375
[Hercules] Game over.
132
00:05:30,457 --> 00:05:31,750
Even my dad couldn't help us.
133
00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:34,000
Ooh, oh, oh, oh! Herc!
134
00:05:34,082 --> 00:05:36,207
He did help!
135
00:05:36,291 --> 00:05:38,709
[imitates Zeus] "I guess the fates
are against you."
136
00:05:38,792 --> 00:05:42,000
Huh? Huh? The fates! Get it?
137
00:05:42,082 --> 00:05:43,417
The fates, huh?
138
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,875
Yeah, the fates can do anything.
139
00:05:45,959 --> 00:05:50,082
I see you two on the brink
of one of your buddy adventures,
140
00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:53,000
peppered with hijinks
and fraught with disaster.
141
00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:55,667
Or tell me something I don't know.
142
00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:58,291
It's like Orpheus is even
worth it anymore.
143
00:05:58,375 --> 00:06:01,000
He's way too slick
since he went polyphonic.
144
00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:07,625
[Hercules] Gee, uh,
I don't know about this.
145
00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:10,375
Oh, relax. The worst they could say is no.
146
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[Fates] NEVER!
147
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[whispers] Is that worse than a no,
148
00:06:13,542 --> 00:06:14,792
'cause I'm not sure.
149
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,375
What you ask would require
150
00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:21,250
reweaving the tapestry of fate.
151
00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:24,625
And the tapestry must never be rewoven.
152
00:06:24,709 --> 00:06:28,332
Even for a handsome, strapping,
153
00:06:28,417 --> 00:06:31,709
smooth-skinned son of Zeus.
154
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:32,792
[laughs]
155
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:34,457
Eyew!
156
00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:36,667
Oh, I-I-I mean, uh,
157
00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,375
I guess we'll be on our way now.
158
00:06:38,457 --> 00:06:42,250
Ooh, I think the short one's
got the eye for you.
159
00:06:42,332 --> 00:06:45,500
I've got an idea.
You just keep 'em talking.
160
00:06:45,582 --> 00:06:46,667
Icarus.
161
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:48,750
[laughs]
162
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:55,250
[woman] I am Arachnae,
163
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guardian of the tapestry of fate.
164
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,208
Hello? Hello!
165
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,458
Ugh, no one is ever stupid enough
to sneak in here!
166
00:07:05,542 --> 00:07:08,291
Oh, oh, my mom.
167
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,000
"Oh, yes, be a guardian," she said.
168
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,959
"See the world, eat exotic people."
169
00:07:12,041 --> 00:07:14,500
Thanks, mom. Great idea.
170
00:07:14,583 --> 00:07:16,917
Wow!
171
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Ooh, the tapestry chamber.
172
00:07:22,959 --> 00:07:27,125
Ooh. Aah. Hey, aah!
173
00:07:27,207 --> 00:07:28,542
Ooh.
174
00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:33,000
And stitch two, pearl three,
drop one stitch,
175
00:07:33,082 --> 00:07:35,457
two, pearl three, drop one.
Ooh, that looks good.
176
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:39,582
Ah, ah, ah, oh, stitch two, three,
drop one.
177
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:42,125
Oh, so, then I said, duh,
178
00:07:42,207 --> 00:07:43,582
why do you think they call them furies?
179
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:44,582
[laughs]
180
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:47,166
Oh, good looks
181
00:07:47,250 --> 00:07:50,500
and a sense of humor, too.
182
00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:52,207
Aah.
183
00:07:54,291 --> 00:07:55,291
Yummy.
184
00:07:56,582 --> 00:07:57,792
What was that?
185
00:07:57,875 --> 00:08:02,667
Well, aren't you quite the faties' man?
186
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,917
[purrs]
187
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,875
Come around again, son of Zeus.
188
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:12,083
I'll be keeping an eye out for you.
189
00:08:12,166 --> 00:08:13,917
[laughs]
190
00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:15,583
Icarus, did you...
191
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:16,750
Reweave the tapestry of fate?
192
00:08:16,834 --> 00:08:18,166
Affirmative, good buddy.
193
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,082
Oh, no! What were you thinking?
194
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,667
Oh, Herc, in the words
of the great one...
195
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,750
Never look back, baby!
196
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,625
I don't know. This doesn't feel right.
197
00:08:27,709 --> 00:08:30,625
Focus, Herc, we're going to the concert.
198
00:08:30,709 --> 00:08:32,625
Everything is gonna be hunky and dory.
199
00:08:32,709 --> 00:08:35,332
[woman] Am i looking at my
little icky wicky poo?
200
00:08:35,417 --> 00:08:36,500
Yes, I am.
201
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,834
Hey, honey muffin!
202
00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:44,458
Ick, did you tangle any threads
203
00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:46,959
when you were reweaving the tapestry?
204
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,417
Ha, you don't know the half of it.
205
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,625
I have never seen such a knotted up mess.
Why do you ask?
206
00:08:51,709 --> 00:08:55,709
Why? Doesn't Cassandra
seem a little different to you?
207
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:58,208
-[sniffs]
-Now that you mention it...
208
00:08:58,290 --> 00:09:00,542
I do detect a fragrant hint--
209
00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:02,208
Not the perfume, something else!
210
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:05,041
Something glaringly else!
211
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:07,500
Oh, I am so excited
to be going to the concert
212
00:09:07,583 --> 00:09:10,166
with my schnoogy-schnoogy
and my bestest best friend.
213
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,750
Uh, you mean Herc?
214
00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:13,750
No, helen!
215
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:14,834
Hi!
216
00:09:14,959 --> 00:09:18,375
Actually, Cassie and I want to talk to you
about Jerkules.
217
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,625
It's hurting your image,
hanging around that loser.
218
00:09:20,709 --> 00:09:22,625
You know what you must do.
219
00:09:22,709 --> 00:09:27,333
Oh, what a tangled web we wove.
220
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,750
Ah, we should have brought a torch.
221
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,792
Sorry, I forgot how dark it is in here.
222
00:09:32,875 --> 00:09:34,792
Shh. Try to keep it down.
223
00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:36,750
-Unh.
-Ahh.
224
00:09:36,834 --> 00:09:39,040
Sorry. Sorry. Forgot about that
low ceiling back there.
225
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:40,165
Anything else you forgot?
226
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,750
No, that's it.
227
00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:44,040
Tapestry chamber should
be right around here.
228
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,917
[hissing]
229
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,083
I am Arachnae,
230
00:09:48,165 --> 00:09:50,625
guardian of the tapestry of fate.
231
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:52,458
[roars]
232
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:53,417
Unh.
233
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,959
Right, sorry, sorry.
234
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,165
Forgot about the giant spider lady.
235
00:09:57,250 --> 00:09:58,667
Aah!
236
00:09:59,290 --> 00:10:00,291
[Arachnae laughs]
237
00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:03,625
Yeah, this is the way my day's going.
238
00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:07,333
Just when I decide to take my lunch break,
somebody wants to show up.
239
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:10,625
[pants]
240
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:12,083
Hang on a second.
241
00:10:12,166 --> 00:10:14,333
Maybe I can make this work.
242
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:18,291
[screams]
243
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,333
Icarus!
244
00:10:20,417 --> 00:10:22,917
Help!
245
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,417
[alarm buzzes]
246
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:27,542
Oh, yeah! Incoming!
247
00:10:30,208 --> 00:10:31,000
[ding]
248
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:33,375
Another ding. Botta-bing.
249
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:36,375
Thrills. I'm absolutely
thrilled over here.
250
00:10:36,458 --> 00:10:38,000
Ahh. Who can I kick around?
251
00:10:38,083 --> 00:10:39,250
Yo, imps.
252
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:44,625
Actually, uh, we prefer to be called
"assistant agents of darkness."
253
00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:46,792
Looks better on the résumé, you know.
254
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:48,750
[sighs] Whatever.
255
00:10:48,834 --> 00:10:50,959
We'll talk about your
job descriptions later.
256
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,917
Right now, just take
care of the new arrival.
257
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,125
[both] Yes, sir!
258
00:10:54,208 --> 00:10:56,750
If, uh, if your afternoon's open,
259
00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:59,750
It'd be great if you could meet
the new being.
260
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:01,709
The personal touch goes a long way
261
00:11:01,792 --> 00:11:05,709
to getting their eternal doom off
to the right start.
262
00:11:06,375 --> 00:11:08,500
Whoo! Did we, like, not pay the bill?
263
00:11:08,583 --> 00:11:09,917
-[alarm blares]
-Whoa!
264
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,959
That soul left! It left!
265
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,792
Souls do not leave the underworld.
266
00:11:17,875 --> 00:11:21,792
And who has the code for this alarm?
267
00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:24,625
Unh. Aah! I think it's
your mother's maiden name.
268
00:11:24,709 --> 00:11:26,750
[Hercules] Oh, i did it!
269
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:28,667
Icarus, you're alive.
270
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:29,709
What, no tickets?
271
00:11:29,792 --> 00:11:31,542
I say we quit while we're ahead
272
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,917
and leave the tapestry weaving
to the Fates.
273
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,875
Well, come on, Herc!
274
00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:38,792
I mean, the-the concert. Yes, Orpheus,
275
00:11:38,875 --> 00:11:40,500
Ooh, ooh, the Orphettes. Huh? Huh?
276
00:11:40,583 --> 00:11:41,417
No!
277
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,040
[Hades] Tapestry weaving?
278
00:11:43,125 --> 00:11:46,083
Oh, my nephew.
279
00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:48,875
My genius little nephew.
280
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,667
Why didn't I think of this eons ago?
281
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,750
Knitting needles.
282
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:57,542
And two, pearl two, one, stitch two.
283
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:06,375
[Hercules, thinking] Where am I?
284
00:12:06,458 --> 00:12:08,166
[gasps] I'm a god!
285
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:10,375
Wait, did I pearl one, drop three?
286
00:12:10,458 --> 00:12:12,083
Shh. Quiet, son.
287
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,875
Your father is coming.
288
00:12:13,959 --> 00:12:15,125
[gasps]
289
00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:17,000
The king of the gods!
290
00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:19,291
The ruler of Olympus!
291
00:12:19,375 --> 00:12:20,625
[both] Hades!
292
00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:22,500
Hiya... son.
293
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,709
Better close that mouth, son,
294
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,625
before a harpy flies into it. Ha ha!
295
00:12:27,709 --> 00:12:29,709
Oh, darling.
296
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,458
You're the best.
297
00:12:31,959 --> 00:12:33,208
Hmm. Botta-bing.
298
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,125
Hey, you like the new do?
299
00:12:35,208 --> 00:12:36,792
I just jump in the shower and away I go.
300
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:39,000
Couldn't do that with
the old one, could I? Ha!
301
00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:41,165
Wait! What's going on? Where's Zeus?
302
00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:44,959
Zeus? Zeus? What is that,
a candy or something?
303
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,375
The real king of Olympus?
304
00:12:46,458 --> 00:12:47,875
Now, now, I've always been the king.
305
00:12:47,959 --> 00:12:49,290
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
306
00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:50,333
Hades has left the building.
307
00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:54,000
Hey, by the way, that tapestry trick,
nice.
308
00:12:54,083 --> 00:12:56,250
Oh, the tapestry!
309
00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:58,165
[neighs]
310
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:03,000
Ah, great.
311
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,417
It's gone!
312
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,583
[Arachnae] Well, hello.
313
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:08,500
Mind if I... drop in for a bite?
314
00:13:10,709 --> 00:13:11,959
Aah!
315
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,291
[gasps]
316
00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:17,000
That hurts.
317
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,792
[neighs]
318
00:13:18,875 --> 00:13:20,000
[strains]
319
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,625
Ha ha, yeah. So typical.
320
00:13:24,709 --> 00:13:28,000
I meet a nice guy. I try to eat him,
and he turns out to be a god.
321
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,667
Oh, yeah.
322
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:32,834
[in strong voice] What happened
to the tapestry?
323
00:13:32,917 --> 00:13:34,709
Tapestry? No clue.
324
00:13:34,792 --> 00:13:37,959
Ohh. The Fate's tapestry.
It was here earlier.
325
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,667
No, the Fates and their tapestry
326
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:44,500
have always been prisoners
of the underworld.
327
00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:47,458
You are a god. You should know this.
328
00:13:47,542 --> 00:13:49,040
But I thought you were its guardian.
329
00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:50,709
Oh, I wish.
330
00:13:50,792 --> 00:13:53,333
Oh, I'd love to be a guardian.
331
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:56,792
See the world. Eat exotic people.
332
00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:58,040
So you're just a...
333
00:13:58,125 --> 00:13:59,000
Spider lady?
334
00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:02,208
I prefer to be called
a freelance web designer.
335
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:04,333
Web designer. Thank you so much.
336
00:14:04,417 --> 00:14:05,917
Uh, I'm sorry, I've got to go get the--
337
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:06,959
Huh?
338
00:14:07,041 --> 00:14:09,500
[Philoctetes] Oh, mighty Hercules,
339
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,834
hear my call.
340
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,041
Phil, is that you?
341
00:14:14,125 --> 00:14:16,917
The exalted one answers.
342
00:14:18,041 --> 00:14:19,208
Phil?
343
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:21,166
Boy, am I glad to see you.
344
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,959
I'm in--I'm in a real mess.
345
00:14:23,041 --> 00:14:25,709
Hey, if you got a mess, I'm your goat man.
346
00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,875
You're a janit...
347
00:14:27,959 --> 00:14:30,166
Er, custodial arts practitioner?
348
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:33,000
I prefer to be called a scrub monkey.
349
00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,792
Oh, this is making my head hurt.
350
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,750
[Icarus] Hey, Herc!
351
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,959
Your shrine smells lemony fresh.
352
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,165
Icarus!
353
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:42,000
Yes, oh mighty Hercules.
354
00:14:42,083 --> 00:14:43,125
This olive loaf here
355
00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:45,040
claims he's your friend.
356
00:14:45,125 --> 00:14:48,417
So, Mr. Quit-while-we're-ahead.
357
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,417
Oh, Herc, you sly dog.
358
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:55,000
Whoo! Who cares about concert tickets,
359
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,290
when you can just be a god, huh?
360
00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,208
Icarus, I-I didn't do any of this.
361
00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:01,583
Oh, don't be modest.
You done great for yourself.
362
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,333
Oh, and thank you for flight school...
363
00:15:04,458 --> 00:15:05,375
Nice touch.
364
00:15:05,458 --> 00:15:07,625
Whoa. Flight school? What flight school?
365
00:15:07,709 --> 00:15:10,208
It's nice to be finally recognized for my
366
00:15:10,291 --> 00:15:11,792
aerodynamic genius.
367
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,500
All polished up for you, sir.
368
00:15:15,875 --> 00:15:18,542
[chuckles]
What are we gonna fly close to today?
369
00:15:18,625 --> 00:15:20,417
Um... the ocean.
370
00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:22,834
All this week, it's the ocean.
371
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,250
Shoo! Shoo! Get outta here!
372
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,792
Icarus, we need to talk.
373
00:15:28,875 --> 00:15:31,000
Wow! Hades, huh?
374
00:15:31,083 --> 00:15:32,125
Phew!
375
00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:36,040
So, uh, your being a god
and my being popular
376
00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:37,875
and Phil being a janitor...
377
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:38,917
Yo!
378
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,875
All just threads that got tangled
along the way.
379
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,625
Oh, well, fate happens.
380
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:45,750
Well, enjoy it while you still can,
381
00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:48,000
'cause I'm going to the underworld
to untangle it.
382
00:15:50,583 --> 00:15:52,709
Tread with care, oh, mighty Hercules.
383
00:15:52,792 --> 00:15:54,125
I hear that River Styx
384
00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:56,000
stains like nobody's business.
385
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:08,166
[Atropos] Well, if it isn't
the strapping young Hercules.
386
00:16:08,250 --> 00:16:09,667
Right on schedule.
387
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:12,041
Mediterranean Standard Fate Time.
388
00:16:12,125 --> 00:16:13,375
[laughs]
389
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,709
Oy, no, I'm here to fix the tapestry.
390
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:17,792
[Fates] We know!
391
00:16:19,709 --> 00:16:21,959
But beware, young hero,
392
00:16:22,041 --> 00:16:24,583
for you will learn...
393
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:28,083
That fate has taken an ugly turn.
394
00:16:28,208 --> 00:16:31,166
By now, we're sure you can deduce...
395
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:34,959
[all] The tapestry's guardian is Zeus.
396
00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:37,083
Unh.
397
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,875
[Hercules moans]
398
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:48,667
[gasps]
399
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:50,792
All right, cats and kittens.
400
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:53,542
Hey, give it up for
the lord of the underworld,
401
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,375
Mmm... Zeus!
402
00:17:04,165 --> 00:17:06,959
Nobody touches the tapestry.
403
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:09,541
Pardon me, sir, but isn't that
your zany nephew,
404
00:17:09,625 --> 00:17:11,208
Uh, the son of Hades.
405
00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:13,040
So it is.
406
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:15,416
Long time no see, kiddo.
407
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,458
Well, have a fun-filled
family reunion, kids.
408
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,416
We just checked in a bunch of new
dead people,
409
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:24,125
and I gotta go see
who needs... doom service.
410
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:29,333
Hercules, I didn't recognize you.
411
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:32,583
Or I never would have
blasted you like that.
412
00:17:32,667 --> 00:17:34,709
Uh, Father?
413
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:39,083
Whoa!
414
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,667
Father, why that would be me.
415
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,959
Hades. Oh, ha ha,
416
00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:48,333
I'm terribly sorry, brother.
417
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:49,917
I-I mean, your highness.
418
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,083
I thought your son here was an intruder.
419
00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:54,375
Oh, well, ha ha ha.
420
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:56,667
That's why I'm the king of Olympus,
421
00:17:56,750 --> 00:17:59,917
and you're just the lowly keeper
of the underworld.
422
00:18:00,041 --> 00:18:01,792
So, hey, how are the dead guys, huh?
423
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:04,166
Oh, still dead.
424
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,208
Ah, good, good. Speaking of which...
425
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:08,667
I think you'd better destroy Hercules.
426
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,542
W-w-why? But he's your son!
427
00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:17,000
And he's trying to mess
with the tapestry of fate.
428
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:18,917
It's a teen rebellious thing.
429
00:18:19,041 --> 00:18:21,333
You know, the music, and the hair, and...
430
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:24,834
He's been hanging out with mortals.
431
00:18:24,959 --> 00:18:26,041
Mortals! What do you do?
432
00:18:26,125 --> 00:18:28,583
Oh, mortals!
433
00:18:30,333 --> 00:18:31,542
You know what I always say...
434
00:18:31,667 --> 00:18:34,500
Spare the lightning rod, spoil the child.
435
00:18:34,583 --> 00:18:36,625
Oh, all I wanted to do
436
00:18:36,709 --> 00:18:39,458
was go to a stupid concert.
437
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,417
-[grunts]
-Whoa!
438
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,583
Hyah!
439
00:18:49,667 --> 00:18:50,625
[grunts]
440
00:18:52,083 --> 00:18:54,041
Ha-cha-woo.
441
00:18:56,792 --> 00:18:59,125
Whoa. Aah!
442
00:18:59,208 --> 00:19:00,834
Whoa! Ahh, ooh!
443
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:10,041
Does my hair look stiff?
444
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:11,208
I just got the part right.
445
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:12,500
Is there something in my hair?
446
00:19:12,583 --> 00:19:14,041
Oh, ha ha.
447
00:19:17,625 --> 00:19:18,667
[Hercules] Uh-oh.
448
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,834
Ooops!
449
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,959
Um...[coughs] wow!
450
00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:33,667
Wow, babe, that-that was
a load-bearing stalactite. Hmm.
451
00:19:34,709 --> 00:19:36,000
Grab him!
452
00:19:36,125 --> 00:19:38,250
Yes, my dark Olympian master.
453
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,041
Ooh! Aah! Poo! Aah!
454
00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:42,792
Take that, you crazy nut.
455
00:19:42,917 --> 00:19:46,333
This new cosmic order
is a little disconcerting.
456
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:49,917
And yet, somehow, it works.
457
00:19:50,959 --> 00:19:52,333
Aah! Yeah, baby.
458
00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:53,250
[thud]
459
00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:02,375
Hey, look at that.
460
00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:03,917
I'm bald. Ha.
461
00:20:04,959 --> 00:20:06,625
Ha ha!
462
00:20:06,709 --> 00:20:07,542
[bowling pins fall]
463
00:20:07,625 --> 00:20:09,291
That's a spare.
464
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,166
Aah!
465
00:20:11,291 --> 00:20:14,959
[war whoops]
466
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:18,417
Whoo! Cool and refreshing.
467
00:20:18,542 --> 00:20:21,834
[scoffs] Even as king of the gods,
if you want to get something done,
468
00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:24,083
hey, you gotta do it yourself.
469
00:20:31,291 --> 00:20:32,291
[Hercules] Gotcha.
470
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:36,000
Hoo! Haa! Hyah!
471
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,041
Hyah!
472
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:44,125
[evil laugh]
473
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,333
[screams]
474
00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:58,291
Wahoo! Yes!
475
00:20:58,417 --> 00:21:00,500
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!
476
00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:02,083
Just in time.
477
00:21:02,166 --> 00:21:06,750
Two tickets for the Orpheus
Never Look Back concert. Yes!
478
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:08,083
[man] Here you go. Last two.
479
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:10,458
Funny, they are front row center.
480
00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:12,875
[Adonis] Hey!
How did you get here before me?
481
00:21:12,959 --> 00:21:18,125
[Clotho] The tickets are a gift,
young hero.
482
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:21,458
A token of our appreciation,
483
00:21:21,583 --> 00:21:25,333
A remembrance
of our time together.
484
00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:27,792
Yummy.
485
00:21:28,250 --> 00:21:29,166
Eyew!
486
00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:30,959
You'd think the Fates would be mad.
487
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,291
I mean, if we hadn't
messed with the tapestry,
488
00:21:33,417 --> 00:21:35,250
Hades wouldn't never have gotten the idea.
489
00:21:35,333 --> 00:21:37,959
Oh, those gals aren't petty like that.
490
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:39,417
They got the eye, baby.
491
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:40,583
They see the big picture.
492
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,208
Now, let's go to the concert event
493
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:45,083
of the millennium, huh?
494
00:21:47,792 --> 00:21:49,041
Canceled?
495
00:21:49,166 --> 00:21:51,542
That's right. Darndest thing.
496
00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:54,083
He woke up this morning, no voice.
497
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:57,166
Ah, he really had a great set
of pipes.
498
00:21:57,291 --> 00:22:00,166
Ah, boy, and you kids had choice seats.
499
00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:01,542
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
500
00:22:01,625 --> 00:22:04,333
Talk about your nasty twist of fate, huh?
501
00:22:04,458 --> 00:22:06,208
[both] The Fates.
502
00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:09,000
[Atropos] Please, we prefer to be called
503
00:22:09,083 --> 00:22:12,792
"predetermined event facilitators."
504
00:22:12,917 --> 00:22:13,917
[Fates laugh]
505
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:20,625
[theme music playing]
34644
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